Darry POV
It's twilight. The boys are quiet, sitting and watching Mickie. I sit at the table, going through bills, trying to distract myself. I haven't been too good at care taking lately. Pony comes home late, and I don't say anything. Just roll it off. I just.. want someone to be happy. Twobit tried to bring some new girl around last week, and she left, the atmosphere was so forcefully cheery. Nothing can hide the heaviness we're all feeling, I guess.
Noah approaches me after all the others leave or fall asleep. He ducks his head nervously, then sits down opposite me at the table.
"Darry, I was wondering if I could ask you for some help?"
"Sure kid. Whatever you need."
"I-I need some advice. Jenna," something in my chest constricts painfully when he says her name, "it's been five months since the letter. And I- think it's time for us to
move on. But every time I bring it up with Jonah, he blows up. He- refuses to have a service for her."
I stand up from the table and pace to the fridge, search desperately for a beer.
"You think she's dead."
"Well-I don't want to. I want to think she's okay. She's strong, really strong, but I can't help thinking, wouldn't we have heard from her by now? Statistically, the longer we go without hearing from her, the more likely-"
"Shut up, Noah." I take a deep breath, trying to force down the rising panic, because Jenna can't be dead, Jenna needs to be warm and alive and headed home and needs to be okay and needs to come home and smile softly at all of us and tell a ridiculous yet true story or two and then softly touch me and make me laugh and make the world shine and she can't be dead.
"You don't- I don't think you understand your sister," I choke out,"There's no way she's dead. It's- There's seven years before it's official, and even then, Jenna won't die, because she promised she would come home. And your sister" my something "she won't break her promise. So don't you dare, don't you dare give up on her.
Understand?"
I finally turn around from the fridge, beer in my shaking hand.
Noah looks at me sharply, curiously, like he's realized something. He mutters a soft, "Yes" but keeps looking at me. I avoid his gaze and open the beer with my hand.
God, remember when you refused to drink, Superman? It seems you're crumbling. A dark voice in my head says as I take a sip of the beer.
Noah still looks at me. He finally opens his mouth and asks quietly, "Do you love her?"
I feel all the air rush out of me. Jenna, wild and sweet and bright and dark, Jenna. Her hands on my face, lips on mine, her smile, her eyes, wide and green and her elbow deep in the motor of my car, snarking at me like there's no place she'd rather be. Her sacrificing everything, for her brothers, for mine, for her friends. Her unwavering determination.
I nod softly, looking down at me beer. Noah stands up, and gently touches my arm. He leaves without another sound.