A/N: Hello! First off, I can only apologize for the late upload. Real life and writer's block got in the way of my writing yet again. But finally I got this out. This is the longest chapter I've written so far, and I hope that both length and content make up for the the long delay in updating. Secondly, I want to thank everyone for your lovely reviews! I'm just happy that despite the long intervals for my updates, you still read and write your reviews for this story, so a massive thank you! Lastly, I am going to start off by apologizing for the long paragraphs. I don't like them myself, and I did do my best to make them shorter, but some parts were too important to be cut off. I'm going to spoil what's ahead a bit, and tell you that this chapter is pretty dialogue-heavy. But on the plus side, we finally get answers.

Again, if you see any grammatical errors that I may have missed, please let me know so I can correct them a.s.a.p. And please leave a review after reading; constructive criticisms are always welcome!

On with the story!

The next day, Draco was already starting to regret his decision. He had little to no sleep the night before, as he kept on imagining just how the meeting would go, and he really was expecting the worst out of it. He didn't want Pansy to be there, because he simply didn't want to confront her just yet. But if she were, then he had resolved to talk to her like the reasonable adult that he was. More importantly, Rowan said that he was going to tell him the reason why Pansy left. It was something that he had continuously thought about through the years, of course, but now he was going to finally know why. The what-ifs continuously plagued him. What if she had left because of something that he hadn't realized he'd said or done? What if she left because she decided that a future with Draco wasn't what she wanted after all, and she just didn't have the courage to say it to his face? What if it was all an act, out of pity for him?

What if she never really loved him in the first place?

And so, it was with a sinking feeling in his gut and an enormous amount of dread that he forced himself to get out of bet and prepare for his meeting with Rowan. He hadn't been this nervous since the Last Battle, if he were being completely honest with himself. He had thought of just not going, but he knew that his children were right: he needed this. He needed this so that he can finally gain some closure with that part of his life. He needed to hear what Rowan had to say so that he can stop asking himself questions that he did not have the answers to. Casting a glamour charm on himself (because he might and will most likely attract unwanted attention while he visited), he apparated from the Manor to London.

And yet, as he stood inside Purge and Dowse, Ltd., and staring at one of the mannequins in the department store, he was again having second thoughts. He felt like he was going to be sick. But he reminded himself that he promised his children that he will do this, and he never breaks his promises to his children. Taking a deep breath and squaring his shoulders, he talked to the mannequin, stating his purpose of visit, and soon he found himself in the Reception Area of St. Mungo's.

As per the instructions in Rowan's letter, he went straight to the Fourth Floor. He did wonder what exactly would have happened to Rowan for him to end up in the Spell Damage floor, and also about the findings in that medical record that his children had managed to nick. There was probably a mistake; his childhood friend could not possibly be dying. It can't have been Rowan's record. Another aspect of this situation that he had been wondering about was why the staff of St. Mungo's never alerted the Ministry that Rowan was here. Although he was glad for it, it seemed strange to him that Rowan had been treated at the hospital for more than ten years without anyone ever reporting anything. They were, technically, harboring and concealing a Death Eater, which was against the law, so why has no one gotten wind of Rowan's presence here?

According to the letter, he was to look for the healer-in-charge and ask her about Rowan, and so that was what he did. He asked one of the healers passing by for information, and was pointed to an office near the end of the corridor. 'This is it,' he thought to himself as he knocked on the door. Upon hearing the reply from the other side telling him to come in, he did so, closing the door behind him.

The woman who sat behind the desk inside the office looked just about Molly Weasley's age, with a very calm aura around her. Most of her hair had gone grey, though there were still a few tufts of black here and there. She wore the usual lime green robes of healers, and had an inquiring look on her face upon seeing the disguised Draco in her office.

"Good morning, how may I help you?" the woman asked.

"Er, I'm looking for the healer-in-charge for this floor, and I was directed here," Draco replied tentatively.

"That would be me you're looking for. I am Healer Rosalind Langley," the woman said with a small smile.

"Thank Merlin," Draco muttered, drawing a questioning look from Healer Langley.

Draco breathed a small sigh of relief. Rowan said in the letter that out of all the healers in St. Mungo's, he trusted Healer Langley the most, and that was why he told Draco to go to her. With a small smile of his own, he dropped his glamour charm. She stood up in surprise.

"Mr. Malfoy, why the need for the disguise?" Healer Langley asked good-naturedly. "This can't be some sort of mission for the Department of Mysteries, can it?"

"No, I assure you, this isn't Ministry-related," Draco replied hastily. "I'm here to visit a patient of yours that's confined here, and I was hoping you could lead me to him."

"Which patient are we talking about?"

"Rowan Parkinson."

Draco stared at her as he replied to gauge her reaction. Rowan said she could be trusted, but he still couldn't help but be wary. It was part of his training, after all. Her face remained blank, but her eyes gave a spark of surprise and suspicion that was gone in less than a second.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Malfoy," she said warily. "We don't have a Mr. Rowan Parkinson in our patient list. You can check with our records office if you want."

Draco finally relaxed upon hearing her answer. It was spontaneous and truthful; he can tell because detecting lies was a part of his training too. Rowan was right to trust her, since she didn't even hesitate to protect him.

"No, I… I received a letter from him telling him to come here. I'm not going to report him to anyone. I even took all the necessary efforts to disguise myself so that no one would know that it was me. I just want to see my friend, Healer Langley. Please believe me," Draco said.

Healer Langley stared at him, seemingly deducing whether he was telling the truth just as he had done to her earlier. Draco could only stare right back at her and observe her reactions. After a while, Healer Langley nodded her head.

"I believe you, Mr. Malfoy, only because Rowan did tell me that someone might be visiting him soon. But I am begging you, please don't give him any more problems. The poor boy already has more than enough on his plate," Healer Langley said sternly.

"No, I won't. I told you, I just want to see my friend again," Draco replied sincerely.

"Very well then, follow me."

Draco quickly replaced his glamour charm before following Healer Langley out of her office. She led him through the corridor until they came to a stop in front of what seemed to be another office.

"Healer Langley, this is…"

"Just wait and see," Healer Langley said, holding up her wand. Looking around to make sure that no one else was around, she waved her wand in a complicated series of swishes and flicks, and then the door changed into that of a hospital room. She knocked politely on the door before opening it.

"Rowan, your visitor has arrived," she said to the occupant of the room as she entered, with Draco just behind her. Draco fixed his eyes on the bed, but the sight that greeted him could not be further from how he had imagined things to be.

"Draco, is that really you?"

It took Rowan's voice to knock him out of his trance, and only because Rowan's voice wasn't how Draco remembered it to be. Rowan didn't look like how Draco remembered him to look like. His brain went back to Rowan's question, and he belatedly realized that he still had his glamour charm on. He quickly took it off, eliciting a small smile from Rowan.

"It is you. You look even better with age, Draco," Rowan said lightly.

"It's good to see you again, old friend," Draco said softly as he neared the bed and sat at the chair next to it.

Healer Langley cleared her throat from the doorway. "I'll leave you two alone for now. If you should need anything," and here she gave a meaningful and pointed look at Rowan, "just let me know, alright?"

"Yes, thank you, Healer Langley," Rowan replied, and when she had left the room, he turned to Draco and said, "Sorry about that, she can get very protective of me sometimes."

"That's a good thing, isn't it?" Draco said.

"I guess," Rowan said. "You must be surprised to see me like this."

'Surprised' was a severe understatement. Draco had expected Rowan to be sick, yes, but not like this. Rowan's cheeks had sunken in, his eyes had very dark circles around them, his skin was so pallid it was almost cadaverous, and from the outline of his body on his blanket, Draco could see that he was almost skin and bones. The long sleeves of the hospital robes covered his arms and he had gloves on both his hands. He was covered by said blanket from the waist down, although Draco can see the beads of sweat on his forehead. 'Curious.' And his voice… now that he thought about it, Draco was surprised that he understood what Rowan said from the doorway. Rowan's voice was so soft, too soft, even though Draco was sitting just beside him. It was as if just the mere act of speaking made him so tired. He spoke as if he were a candle about to die out.

Instead of voicing even just a single thought out, Draco opted to reply, "It's been a long time, Rowan. Almost fifteen years, can you believe it?"

Rowan heaved a sigh. "I should have written to you a long time ago. I shouldn't have let time pass by like that without telling you anything. I'm sorry, Draco, I really am."

"You don't have to apologize for anything. I'm here now, and that's what matters."

"That's not all that I should ask your forgiveness for."

"Does this have anything to do with what you said in your letter?" Draco asked. "Pansy left of her own accord, Rowan, and although I'm interested to hear what you have to say about that, the fact still remains that you are not the one who has to apologize."

"No, Draco, you don't understand," Rowan said. "I am the one who should be apologizing to you because Pansy… left you because of me."

"…What?" All of a sudden, Draco was finding it hard to breathe.

"You have to listen to me, Draco. Listen to my story in its entirety… I know that you have a lot of questions, and a lot more will be coming up as I go along… but please reserve them until I have finished. As you can already tell, I'm having a difficulty with talking for very long… so please just bear with me. Will you do that for me?"

Indeed, Rowan had to pause a few times just to say those few sentences. Draco settled into his seat and nodded wordlessly. With a deep breath, Rowan began his tale.

"As you already know, after you and Pansy refused to take the Mark and fled from Malfoy Manor, I was forced by our parents to take the Mark in Pansy's stead. They said that the Dark… I mean, Voldemort ordered all of his Death Eaters who had children to have their eldest take the Mark, but since Pansy failed to do it, I had to take her place; otherwise, he would kill our entire family. I have never agreed with Voldemort's ideals… but more than anything, all I wanted was to be of some use. I wanted to help you and Pansy in any way I can. I thought that if I took the Mark, I can relay information on to Pansy, and somehow contribute to bringing Voldemort down… And so I took the Mark. But Draco, please believe me when I say that I have never held the same beliefs that Voldemort and his Death Eaters had. I have the Mark, but I have never considered myself to be a Death Eater."

Draco opened his mouth to reply, but he remembered to stay silent until Rowan had finished, and so he settled for a nod. Rowan's lips curled up into a small smile, and he looked at Draco gratefully before continuing.

"Most of the Death Eaters thought that I was too weak to be of any help, and that I was basically useless. That became my advantage. Since I was mostly disregarded, it became easy for me to gather information… and I managed to send messages to Pansy without arousing any suspicion. I don't know if you still remember this, but Pansy and I developed our own secret language when we were younger; that was how I sent the information to her."

Draco did remember. He remembered being a young child and watching the two siblings whisper and giggle and conspire as they created their own secret code which he never understood. He remembered the anonymous owls swooping in to deliver equally anonymous letters to Pansy after they escaped from the Malfoy Manor. Most of all, he remembered the surge of jealousy that coursed through him as he watched Pansy read through those letters with a mixture of worry and affection. It wasn't like her to be so secretive. It was then that he started harboring doubts about her feelings for him. It seemed so silly now.

"A few months before the final battle, the Order sent their forces to Godric's Hollow where they had a run-in with Death Eaters. I heard their plan and immediately sent Pansy a note. But that was information that only a few of Voldemort's followers knew… I was allowed to stay in the room where they held the meeting only because Father thought I needed to get more involved with their activities. After that… they started getting suspicious of me. It was also my fault; I should have been more careful. They kept a close watch on me, and wasn't able to send notes to Pansy anymore, not without arousing suspicion at least.

"I heard all their plans for the final battle. I was in the room, but this time it was because they wanted to keep an eye on me. They had found a hole in Hogwarts' defenses, the blind spot in its shields. They wanted to take down Hogwarts first, and Potter with it, before ultimately taking over the Ministry of Magic. Their goal was to destroy the institutions that united the English wizarding world. I… knew I had to warn everyone… because they planned on attacking in the middle of the night, to catch the Order off-guard. Since I had been banned from access to any owl, I had one of our house elves, Pinky, deliver the letter to Pansy. But just as Pinky had disappeared, Father came in and caught me."

Rowan was already visibly having difficulty breathing at this point. Draco poured him a glass of water from the pitcher by the nightstand, and helped him to drink. As he did, Draco's mind whirred. It was a historical artefact now, the letter which became the cornerstone of the Order's victory and Voldemort's downfall. Only Pansy had been able to decipher it; now he knew why.

"Take your time," Draco said gently as he replaced the glass on the table.

"I'm fine," Rowan replied with a reassuring smile. "It's been a while since I last had someone I could talk to for this long, is all."

After taking a few more deep breaths, Rowan continued. "They confiscated my wand and took me to Voldemort himself. But I wasn't worried about what they would do to me; I was more concerned about whether Pinky had managed to deliver the letter safely. At the very least, I thought, even if they killed me then and there… I had been able to help end Voldemort's campaign. But Voldemort didn't kill me. Instead, he took my left arm, pointed his wand at my Mark, and muttered an incantation that I hadn't heard or read before.

"It… it hurt. It was like the Cruciatus Curse, but different. It was like the curse was flowing through my veins. It felt like my body was being ripped from the inside out. And then he explained it to me. Voldemort… said that the Mark wasn't a simple tattoo. It bound his Death Eaters to him, mind, body and soul. That was how he can summon them at will, and how he can communicate with them telepathically. He told me that the curse that he placed on me would slowly destroy me – my magical core as well as my body – and he compared me to an apple… that was very slowly rotting from the inside. He told me that the curse was unfinished, and that it should be enough to keep me in place until he came back to end it. He never did, but the curse didn't die with him, I'm afraid."

Rowan removed one of his gloves, revealing his hand, a piece of blackened flesh which looked more or less like a corpse's hand. Draco's eyes widened in disbelief. He knew from his researches as an Unspeakable that an unfinished curse was one of the most painful forms of torture. Like all other spells, a curse begins and ends at the will of the caster. Usually, though, a normal curse would cease to have any effect once its caster dies. The fact that the curse is still affecting Rowan now, almost fifteen years from the time it was inflicted on him, can only mean that it was one of the more archaic spells which were as powerful as it was Dark. He can only imagine the pain that Rowan had endured for all these years.

"This is…" Draco whispered, taking Rowan's hand in his and clutching it tightly. He was rendered speechless; it was the only way he could think of to comfort his friend. "How… how bad is it?"

Rowan patted Draco's hand with his gloved one. "Well, basically, every part of my body which is covered is in that state. It's started to creep up my neck in the past few days, and it's getting harder and harder to breathe. I also couldn't use my magic anymore, or rather, I no longer have magic. I felt it dying inside me, you know, like a fire that had suddenly been put out. It's as if there's a void inside me that can never be filled up again."

"I… I'm so sorry I hadn't been there to help you. I'm so sorry," Draco said. "Did Pansy know about this, back then? Why didn't she tell me? I would've done anything to help!"

Rowan sighed as he replaced his glove. "I was just going to talk about that. This is the part where you have to listen very carefully. Ask questions along the way if it would help you understand everything better. But this is what you should always remember: Pansy never wanted to leave you. As I said earlier, she left because of me.

"I was left all alone in the Manor after Voldemort placed the curse on me. Everyone marched onto Hogwarts. But it wasn't like I needed to be watched; I can barely stand straight. Everything just hurt. I spent the next few days attempting to get out of the Manor… but I couldn't even get out of the room I was in. I managed to hide myself in the crypts, but after a few days of experiencing excruciating pain every time I so much as breathed, I gave up trying. I was sure I was going to die before anyone came looking for me. I had lost consciousness at one point, and when I woke up, Pansy was there calling my name and crying.

"…She said that both the Aurors and the Death Eaters who had gone rogue were looking for me. The Death Eaters couldn't get into the Manor because the Aurors had warded the entire property immediately after the war was won, while the Aurors thought I had been one of the Death Eaters who attacked Hogwarts, and so they didn't bother looking for me at the Manor. She only managed to get in on the pretense that you had asked her to get a few things from your room. Apparently, Mother managed to tell her of my whereabouts before she passed away."

Draco's face was unreadable, had been unreadable since Rowan continued his story. "Why didn't she just tell me? Why did she have to go?"

"I told her that we should tell you, at the very least," Rowan said. "But she said… Draco, even in that moment of crisis she was thinking of you. She said that you would be facing enough inquiries as it was because of your parents' involvement with Voldemort. She knew that you wanted to regain the credibility of the Malfoy name, and that asking you to protect me would place a heavier burden on you on top of everything else. Also, the Death Eaters would easily realize that you were helping me, the person who betrayed them and their lord… and that would make you a target as well. They would have wanted you dead. You would also have been hounded by both sides, and she was trying to protect you from all of that, Draco.

"She never wanted to leave you, but in that moment she had to make a choice: to leave in order to escape the Aurors and the Death Eaters… or to stay here with you, and risk having your name dragged down even further by helping a Death Eater and being hunted by the rogue Death Eaters. She tried to balance what would be best not only for me, but also for you. It was the hardest decision she's ever had to make, but in the end, she chose to leave to spare you of all that burden."

Draco was furious all of a sudden. "But helping you would never have been a burden to me! How could she ever have thought of that?! We could've told everyone about what you'd done for our world! There was no need for her to leave!" With a softer tone, added, "She didn't even bother to say goodbye."

"Draco, you have to understand. She never wanted to leave you. She wanted to stay with you, and make all the dreams that the two of you made come true. But she thought that the two of you would never have been happy if you were constantly looking over your shoulders for attackers. And you saw how the atmosphere was in the days following the end of the war. It was absolute chaos… The Ministry that was established back then was no less than a makeshift one, and people were borderline fanatical about catching the remaining free Death Eaters. Pansy was afraid that no one would believe us even if we told them the truth. And there's also the stigma of having a Mark. Even if the Ministry proclaims me innocent, who's to say that the civilians wouldn't attack me because of the Mark? We were running away from both sides of the war, Draco. We didn't have a choice other than to leave.

"And… I did ask her about that, about why she didn't tell you where we were going, or even just say goodbye. She said it was because she knew you too well, and because she loved you too much. She knew that if she told you about my situation, you would have told her to stay. You wouldn't be able to leave because you would feel responsible for restoring your family's reputation and because she knew that you wanted to help with the reparation efforts after the war, otherwise you would've gone with us. And she would end up staying, because you asked her to, at the risk my detriment as well as yours… She knew herself well enough to know that she can never refuse anything that you ask of her, no matter how dire the consequences. And so she chose to leave without seeing you one last time, although I know that it killed her to do so."

"How do you know that?" Draco asked hesitantly.

"Because I saw something in her die when we left," Rowan replied with a sad smile. "That sparkle in her eyes that only you could bring had faded the moment she made her decision. And I haven't seen it since."

Draco shook his head. "But she could have just told me about all this when she started teaching at Hogwarts, and yet she didn't. We've crossed paths a few times now since she returned, but she hasn't told me anything. On the contrary, she seemed rather adamant on keeping everything a secret."

Rowan sighed. "You have to understand, Draco, that Pansy has always been very hard on herself. She blames herself for my current state. She thinks that if she hadn't left me alone in the Manor back then, I would never have been cursed by Voldemort. She also couldn't forgive herself for hurting you back then… She made a promise to you to stay by your side, and yet she left when you needed her most. Pansy's very aware of that, Draco, very much so, and she keeps on punishing herself for it.

"Because she sees herself as the reason why I'm like this, she punished herself by leaving behind what matters most to her, and that's you, Draco. I told you, it killed her to leave you, and yet she did. Since she couldn't forgive herself for hurting you, she chose to distance herself away from you by not telling you what you wanted to know the most. She's punishing herself in the most painful way, and that is making you hate her to the point of apathy. She probably thinks she no longer deserves anything from you after what she has made you go through, neither your friendship nor your affection… not even pity. And yet she couldn't stay away from you, not completely. But that, in turn, just gives her more pain. Nothing hurts more than seeing the person you love be happy with someone else, without you in his life. I know that she came over to the Manor for Christmas dinner, at the request of your children."

Draco ducked his head in embarrassment. Did Pansy tell Rowan everything that had transpired between them that night? But that wasn't the only reason why his mind was racing a mile a minute. Everything that Rowan had told him today was far from what he was expecting to hear. He was very confused as to what he was feeling; it was a mixture of a lot of things that he couldn't quite pin down. He needed time to digest everything that he had learned today.

"I don't suppose she knows that you contacted me, so why are you telling me all of this? Why now?" Draco asked.

Rowan regarded him silently for a moment before answering. "I… know that my time is about to run out. No, Draco," he said, holding a hand up to stop Draco from protesting. "I know I don't have very long. I can feel it… I am just so tired. I know just how much Pansy has given up just to find a cure for this curse. Almost everything in our vault has gone to my hospital bills, and we also have to pay to keep the other healers quiet. We trust Healer Langley completely, but she can't watch over me 24/7. Pansy had to start working to look for studies for cures to dark curses like this all over the world, and she's devoted all her time to caring for me. But more than that, she gave up her own happiness to save my life. She gave up the chance to be with you, Draco, and I know that that, more than anything else, is hurting her more than she lets on.

"I love my sister, Draco, and I want her to be happy. She deserves that, at the very least. I knew that I didn't have long, and so I told her to just come home and find a job here because I wanted us to spend more time together. But I had another reason for calling her back. She's been bearing this huge burden all by herself since we left… and she'll be alone after I die. I thought that when it comes to that, at least I can leave her in peace, knowing that she wouldn't be alone if she's here. She will have friends here to comfort her and help her move on."

"Rowan," Draco started with a sigh. "I don't think-"

"I know that things between the two of you can never go back to the way it was before," Rowan interrupted. "I know that you've already moved on… that you already have kids and are about to marry again. I'm not… asking you to love her again, Draco… or to even be friends with her again. The only… thing that I ask of you is… please… don't hate her…"

Rowan suddenly drew in a sharp gasp, his hands reaching up to claw his neck with a panicked expression. He was choking, like an invisible hand was strangling him. Draco stood up in alarm.

"I'll go and get help," Draco said curtly to Rowan. He was just about to run to Healer Langley's office to call her when the door was hurriedly opened from the other side. Draco froze in place as he saw who came in, momentarily finding it hard to breathe as well.

############

Pansy strode through the corridors of St. Mungo's, a hood hiding her face as it usually does whenever she came here. It took quite a while, but she finally finished checking all the assignments that her students had turned in before Christmas break. With that out of the way, she can now spend more time with her brother. Upon reaching the Fourth Floor, she headed straight to Healer Langley's office.

"Miss Parkinson, how are you?" Healer Langley greeted her warmly as she entered.

"I'm fine, thank you for asking," Pansy replied as she shrugged off her hood and sat down in front of Healer Langley's desk. "Has my brother's condition improved?"

Healer Langley looked at her sympathetically. "I'm afraid it's the opposite, dear. As you know, he's been having trouble breathing lately, and the 'attacks' have been getting worse lately. There are potions to lessen the effects of the curse, but he can only take it in small doses. Too much, and it will kill him."

Pansy clenched her hands tightly on her lap as she whispered, "There must be something that we can do. Anything."

"Oh, I know how you feel, dear, believe me. But-"

Healer Langley's words were cut off by an alarm resounding loudly throughout the room.

"It's him," was all Healer Langley had to say and Pansy was running out of the door and going to Rowan's room. She was vaguely aware of the healer at her heels, but her mind was too focused on getting to Rowan's room in time to pay any further attention.

Healer Langley hurriedly waved her wand in front of the office door to reveal Rowan's room. Pansy all but burst through the door, but the sight that greeted her was the last thing she had expected to see.

"… Draco?"

This cannot be happening, Pansy thought. She did not need this right now. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Healer Langley run past her to help Rowan.

Rowan.

Snapping out of her momentary trance, she rushed to Rowan's bedside, assisting the healer as she administered the potion to help Rowan breathe. All the while, she was very conscious of Draco's stares behind her. After a minute, the potion had already taken effect, and Rowan could breathe again.

Rowan grasped her hand, whispering in between labored breaths, "Don't, Pansy… I… told him… to come here."

"Why?"

"I… told him… everything."

Pansy couldn't believe her ears. "What? Why did you do that, Rowan? We've worked so hard to keep your presence here a secret. Why did you tell him?"

"Because… he deserved… to kn- know."

"I'm sorry, dear, but Rowan needs to rest now," Healer Langley said softly.

Pansy looked up at her, and with a curt nod, Pansy straightened up and turned around. Draco looked at her with a myriad of expressions that she couldn't name, but she knew she never wanted to see on him.

"I have to go," Draco whispered before hurriedly leaving the room. Pansy could only watch as the door closed behind him, feeling her heart break all over again.