Disclaimer: I do not own Hey Arnold!
What made me say that? 'I don't mind'? Well, technically I don't actually mind but still! Why is this even a big deal anyway? Why am I panicking? Oh, wait. It's not panic I'm feeling. It's guilt, isn't it? Yup, guilt. You're feeling guilty for agreeing to spend the day with Alex. Why should that make me feel that way? It's not a date or anything. I'm just showing him around the neighbourhood. No big deal. Maybe I'd feel better if I told Arnold about this.
But why should I? He's not my boyfriend. Technically we're not anything right now. Even though we kissed. But does kissing really mean we're together? I don't know. Besides, I have a feeling if I told Arnold he'd be pissed. Why would he, though? I told him so many times that Alex and I are just friends.
We are friends. That is it. Nothing more. So stop feeling guilty about hanging out with your friend. You do not see Alex that way.
…right?
Right. So stop thinking about how nice he looks today. Don't think about how his blond hair sort of just covers his eyes and he has to run his hand through it every few minutes. He should cut his hair. It's longer than I remembered. Then again, last time I saw him we were only twelve. A lot of things change over the years. Like his height.
Why is he so tall? It makes me feel like a hobbit. But it is hard to find a guy who's taller than me, though. Get a grip Helga! Stop it. Stop thinking about how he's conveniently taller than you. See? You just contradicted yourself. First you said he was too tall, and now he's the perfect height. Get. A. Grip.
Oh, god. Why does his laugh have to be so infectious? Every time I hear it it's like I need to laugh with him. I can't even help it. Now I sound like a giggly airhead. Good job, Helga. But I really can't stop myself from laughing with him. His laughter is so deep and musical; I could listen to it all day.
Crimeny, Helga do I have to slap myself?
It's interesting how animated he gets when I ask him about why he does certain things. He's pretty passionate about exploring this neighbourhood. I can't see why, though. But the more he explains it, the more I feel like I actually want to know about this place. How can that be? I've been living here for sixteen years and I've never felt like this before. Now after seeing those amazing blue eyes just get a spark of life that I'd never seen before talk about how fun it would be to get to know this neighbourhood, I feel like I've been missing out on something. Oh, no. I've been staring. And he noticed. Crap.
Uhh… what do I answer to that? I can't say I enjoy staring at him. Or looking into his eyes. No. I can't just say something like that. That's not appropriate. He'd get the wrong message.
…which is what, exactly?
God, I'm so confused. He still needs an answer. Lie. Lie, Helga, make up an excuse!
'Fascinated'? Now you sound like a freak. Well done, girl. You win all the awards for eloquence. Oh, please wipe that smirk off you face, Alex. I'm getting the urge to punch your lights out and that's not gonna end well if this gets back to your parents. But his eyes…
NO. Stop thinking about his eyes. You do not think about those deep, swirling pools of blue that you can just get lost in, Helga. It's a spell for disaster. You're gonna fall head over heels for this guy and then what?
Is that really a bad thing, though? I mean, it's not as if there's anything bad about him. He's nice. He's sweet. He makes me laugh. He's smart.
But so is Arnold. Great, now I feel guilty again.
Wait. I know that voice. Do I really want to turn the corner and see who's there? Please, no. Please don't let it be…
Crap. Arnold. Smile Helga, SMILE AND DON'T LOOK GUILTY. Well, don't look arrogant either, jeesh. Say hi. Be polite. Act like what happened yesterday meant something to you. Don't act like you're suddenly switching to Team Alex. Which you're not, by the way.
…right?
What's with that look he's giving? Don't tell me he's mad. He has nothing to be mad about! Or is that jealousy? Could be neither, could be both. Either way, I can't handle this right now. I can't handle like liking one guy but still be confused about the other. Not when both of them look at each other like they're competing in some stupid game.
…which I'm the prize of?
Hell no. Alex doesn't see me that way. Arnold, maybe, if that kiss was any indication. But not Alex. No. We're just friends.
…why do I feel kinda sad when I think of it that way?
Crap. What have you gotten yourself into, Helga?
I realise that this chapter is short, to say the least. I can tell you right now that the next one will be longer. (I hope. I'm working on it!)
In the meantime, I would like to know what you think of this chapter. It's not the way I normally write, but I couldn't imagine writing this any other way (plus I wanted to see how it plays out when you only know Helga' s way of seeing events unfold. Like, literally. I don't know if what I said made sense). So my point is, thoughts? Does it suck? I really would like to know, because I think I won't be writing any more chapters like this if no one likes it. Personally I find it a bit weird and confusing. If you think this makes Helga sound like a bimbo, tell me! That is not how I want her to come across as.