Guys I am sooo sorry that I didn't update last night... I fell asleep! I ran for like two hours so as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out..
"Liv-"
"Please?" She asked looking him in the eye, she knew how he worked. She knew that if she didn't look him in the eye with surety then he would never do it. So that's what she did, she looked him dead in the eye.
"Are you sure?" He questioned bringing his hand up to cup her cheek, he was relieved to see that she was looking at him.
"Yes," she breathed. He looked at her for another moment, her eyes softly closed and her lips parted slightly and waiting for his. But he didn't know if he could do it, he was so scared that this was going to hurt her.
Taking a chance he swallowed before letting his lips ghost hers, when he didn't get any resistance he allowed himself to press his lips fully on hers. It was soft, sensual. Something she had been longing for.
Feeling him still moving slowly, she did it herself. Reaching up she grabbed each side of his face and started to nip at his bottom lip, but he refused to give her access. 'Why is he so resistant? Normally, that's my role,' she thinks. She pulls away with her eyebrows knitted together. "Do you not want to kiss me?" she asks, suddenly feeling embarrassed at their current position.
"Olivia you are healing," he sighs watching her as she starts to become full of self doubt, she was starting to pull away when he grabbed her waist (not hard because the last thing that he wanted to do was hurt her). "I want to kiss you but-"
"Then kiss me," she cut him off, trying to regain some of her dignity. "Kiss me like you mean it. To heal you need love," she said with certainty. "You love me, I love you. So kiss me," she breathed. "Just kiss me, please kis-"
She was cut off from her rambling when he attached his lips to hers. Covering her mouth with his, his fingers sliding into her wet hair as hers rested on his chest. Not giving either the chance to back out they both plunged their tongue in one another's mouth. Olivia moaned gently into his mouth, this being her first kiss since the attack. She tried her hardest to push Lewis to the back of her mind so she could enjoy this intimate moment with the man she loved more then anything.
As Elliot kissed her, he couldn't help but think of how strong she was. Here she was, kissing him, no more than a month after it happened. He didn't know exactly what it was since she still had yet to tell him. "I've wanted to kiss you for so long, Liv… You don't know how special you are to me," he whisperes against her mouth, causing her to smile. Actually smile, for the first time in months. He was overjoyed at the thought of being able to be with her, like this; they both were.
As the kiss grew more passionate, things began to heat up in the already heated bathroom. Elliot momentarily lost track of Olivia's mental state, and began to let his hand trail up her waist, then cup her right breast.
That's when her calm, relaxed, serene state turned into a panicked and fearful one. As she felt his hand start to caress her skin she couldn't help but fall into a. not so welcoming, flash back.
"I've always wondered what these felt like; ever since I saw you at your station, and in the interrogation room… they looked so… inviting. The way that white shirt clung to your body like a second layer of skin," Lewis grinned, ripping the small fabric that covered her breasts, exposing them.
"Stop." Was the only word she could think of as he cupped her right breast in his rough, calloused hand. He was gentle, thats what was killing her the most; when he would be gentle with her, as if it were an intimate moment they were sharing together.
"So soft," he hummed looking down into her wide, full of fear, eyes. "Like silk," he added, he let go of her breast but his hand didn't stray from her chest. He let his finger run over her nipple, and it started to harden under his touch. "You like it," he chuckled seeing that her eyes that had been open were now closed tightly.
"I don't," she said in a crying whisper, she was so mad at her body for reacting to his touch. This man was a monster, she knew it. So why didn't her body? "Stop," she repeated.
"Why, you're obviously enjoying it," he said letting his tongue dart out and run over her, now, beaded nipple. She let out a small gasp as a few tears ran down her cheek, she could feel them as they ran into her hairline and ear; she tried to focus on that. "Let's see if you are enjoying it any where else," he laughed running his hand down her body into her panties, cupping her…
"No!" She cried, ripping her body from Elliot's touch. "Don't do it! Please don't do it!" She said backing away as far as she could. Though the tub was big, but it wasn't that big.
"Olivia, it's just me, it's Elliot," he said, as soon as his hand had touched her breast he immediately stopped, feeling her entire body stiffen. He pulled his hand away immediately but when he pulled from the kiss he knew it was too late, she was lost in her mind. He wanted to bring her back to reality, where she was safe with him but he knew better. He knew never to wake a person from their selves, it cause so much more damage.
"Don't," she gasped, her hand shooting to her mouth when she noticed it was just Elliot. "Fuck, what did I do?" She cried, standing and ignoring the pain that was taking over her body she stepped out of the tub. Remembering that he said he didn't have any towels in the bathroom she just grabbed her cloths from the wet floor and used them to cover her body as much as she could while she exited the bathroom.
"Liv! Shit-" He called after her, leaning over the tub he grabbed his wet boxers and not caringly slid them up his legs, but not without a fight. "it's alright! Really! I was taking it too far," Elliot said, running down the hall to where he kept the towels, he watched her as she faced away from him wrapping the towel around herself. He so mad at himself for taking it too far, he knew that they shouldn't have done it in the first place. He was scared that they would take it to far and she would not be ready, but he was the one who took it to far.
"No, it's not alright!" She snapped, she was rarely ever angry anymore, she was always so soft and calm since the attack he had a feeling it had something to do with the way that he treated her. "Nothing's alright, don't you see that?!" She asked looking up at him, her arms wrapped around her as tight as the towel was. "I can't even let you fucking touch me with out him, being here," she cried then bowed her head in shame. "He was right, I'm weak. I am the definition of weak," she whispered in between cries. She felt so stupid for letting Lewis break free in her mind again.
"Don't you ever say that!" he snapped, causing Olivia to jump slightly. "You are far from weak. In fact, you are the strongest person I know," he continued, watching her as she kept her head bowed. "I'm going to hug you," he said letting her know what he was doing before he did it. Stepping closer to her he pulled her body into his arms. He stood there holding her as she held herself. "Please, don't ever say that you're weak," he whispered into her damp hair.
"Please don't give up on me," she said in a soft murmur, "I am trying, I really am," she whispered into his neck. It took everything in him not to cry, she needed him to be strong for her.
She was so scared that if she couldn't give him what he wanted he would leave her again. She couldn't go through that. She would never tell him, but him leaving hurt worse than anything Lewis did to her.
"I almost lost you once, Liv. You're stuck with me. I'll never give up on you; on us." He pulled back so he could look into her eyes, she still refused to give him that though. Letting his fingers touch her chin he lifted it so that she had to look at him. "I love you," he whispered, he continued to gaze at her for a moment, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her, right now. Softly touching the back of her head he pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead. "Let's get you dressed and into bed." He smiled then pulled away.
When he felt her hand tighten on his arm then softly slide down to take his hand, he knew that she still thought that he would leave her. The little gestures like that made him hurt; knowing that she could never fully trust him again. But he would do anything and everything in his power to keep her from thinking that he would leave her again.
"What do you want to wear?" He asked her as they walked into his room, he set her on the bed as he went to their dresser so that he could shuffle through it.
"I can get my own clothes," she laughed, but he shook his head.
"No, no," he said pointing at her. "This is my favorite part," he chuckled holding up a pair a soft pink boy cut panties with lace trimmings, she rolled her eyes and snatched them from his hands.
"You are such a teenage boy," she carefully slid the pair up her legs biting her lips when she felt them run over a cut. "There," she sighed proudly when she finally got them on, normal everyday tasks were starting to become easier and easier. She used to not even be able to dress herself, Elliot literally had to do everything for her.
"Do you just want a big t-shirt?" He asked, though he was proud of her for being able to get dressed on her own he still hated seeing her wince while she did it.
"Please," she whispered, he let a small frown graze his lips for a moment before opening the next drawer. They were all his shirts but he knew that they would be big enough for her, they would have been big before but now that she has lost so much weight since the whole Lewis thing they would be like a dress on her.
He grabbed a simple grey one that said 'NYPD' on his and walked to her. "Let go of the towel Liv," he said kneeling in front of her, she closed her eyes and just sat there. He knew this was his part, slowly pulling the tie from the towel it pooled beside her on the bed.
He always hated this part, he knew she did too. Her stomach, her chest, her sides. Not an inch of her torso was uncovered, he couldn't imagine the pain that she went through. He could feel his body aching just staring at hers.
"El?" She whispered softly knowing he was staring, again. "Just put the shirt on."
"I'm sorry." Softly grabbing her bruised wrist he slid it in the arm hole before repeating the action with the other one. Once he got her arms in, his carefully raised it over her head. They both let out small sighs when it was done. He grabbed the wet towel off the bed and gave himself a quick dry over still being in wet boxers after all.
"I'm going to go and change," he told her, she started to shake her head but stopped. Instead of disagreeing with him she bit her tongue and nodded. He stood there shocked, she looked up at him from her spot on the bed. Her eyes were starting to fill with tears.
"Go before I change my mind," she told him, her voice cracking with the small laugh she added at the end trying to lighten to situation.
"I can just change in here," he said reaching down to take her hands but she pulled them away.
"I'll be fine Elliot," she said playing with her fingers. She was anything but fine and they both knew it. She was as scared to be alone as he was to actually leave her alone.
He grabbed a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt and walked into the bathroom, as soon as he was in there he dressed quickly; and by quickly, as he walked out of the bathroom still putting his shirt on.
"See, that wasn't so bad," she said when he returned, he nodded but he knew her giving him that moment meant to so much to her. He didn't want or need that moment though.
"Here lets get you into bed." He walked up to the top of the bed and fixed her spot, before walking back to the end of the bed. "Put your arm around my neck," he said to her, she reached up and wrapped her arm around his neck.
At the moment she was in so much pain from getting out of the bath on her own, normally she would protest to him carrying her but at the moment she needed it. He laid her in the bed, fixing the pillows under her head. He was going to pull the blankets up when she reached out and touched his hand.
"Just the sheet," she said softly, he grabbed the sheet and pulled it up to her shoulders then grabbed the quilt and pulled it up to her knees.
"I'm going to get your pain meds," he said, before she had a choice to protest or agree he was in and out of the bathroom in a matter of seconds. He handed her the pills and the water bottle, she thanked him as she swallowed. "Is there anything you need or want?"
"You to get in bed with me?" She smiled, she hated it when he would make a fuss over her but she loved how sweet he was. She knew she was probably getting on his nerves but he never said anything about it.
"Your wish is my command." He climbed into the bed beside her, then awkwardly stared at her back. While he was getting comfortable she turned on her side. Normally he would hold her but after the incident in the bathroom he didn't know what she wanted.
"Just because of my stupid freak out doesn't mean you can't touch me," she said licking her lip, she hated that she had to tell him that it was okay for him to touch her, hold her, kiss her.
He reached over and wrapped his arm around her body, normally he would pull her to him but he knew that no matter where he grabbed her he would hurt her; so he adjusted himself to her.
They laid there in a chilling silence, neither being able to go back to sleep. "Tell me what happened next," he said kissing the back of her head.
"Now?" She asked in a quivering voice.
"Unless you don't want to," he said quickly, he wanted to know. He wanted to know so bad! But he would never dream of pushing her to tell him.
"No you deserve to know."
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A/N: So, next chapter has another, not so happy, flashback. Be ready for it!
OMFG, Fifty Shades is now available on ITunes! Guess what I'm doing? (Smirks) I am literately going to watch it all furkin day! Gahhh!