2
Death is never an ending
Only the beginning of the
Greatest adventure ever.
The phone call came at 2:10 in the morning. Any call that early is going to be bad news. Jeff Calhoun fumbled for the phone. As far as he knew his wife was beside him, now half awake, and the children were safely tucked in bed.
"Yes," was all that Jeff could muster.
"Jeff, it me," said Jane from her cell phone, "Its dad… heart attack…He's off to the hospital. Looks bad this time."
"Okay," Jeff mumbled, "I'm on my way." With that vacant reply he hung the phone up. He missed the cradle and the phone crashed to the wooden floor.
He swung his legs over the side of the water bed and made a bee-line for his closet. He knew his dad was old. For some odd reason Jeff assumed his father was immortal and would always be there for him. It wasn't a case of delusion or stupidity; it was a case of always having a father always being there to talk to and always offering good advice. Jeff just assumed that relationship would always be there and never gave serious thought to the fact that no one has found a way around death and taxes. Reality is a cruel task master.
As Jeff slipped on his shoes the realization that he might, just might, lose his father suddenly swept over him. With a small shudder he pushed the thought away. He replaced the negative thought with the positive fact that his father always bounced back… and he would do the same this time.
Debbie swung into automatic mode. She got up and started to check the suitcase Jeff kept in his closet. Not quite an emergency suitcase, more of a just-in-case suitcase. She quickly went through it making sure he had enough things to keep him going for a while. She hugged and kissed Jeff. It was times like these that it is best not to say anything. A hug says far more. Jeff headed out into the worm September morning heading east to the land of his birth.
Jeff and Debbie were living in Huntsville, Alabama where Jeff works for the Marshall Space Flight Center. He was the only one of the family to move far away from New Bern, N.C. He moved to Huntsville because his father instilled into him a wonderment of the stars by going outside for hours trying to see the flying machine the Russians launched on October 4, 1957. Stars and Sputnik pretty much sealed Jeff's fate.
When Jeff and David lost Jane as their leader, the boys were rudderless. They started hanging out with their father in his wood shop. Being too small their father knew that there was an accident about to happen, so he decided to spend more time with the boys and leave Jane and Kate with their mother. The division of labor and responsibility was a good fit for the family. His favorite place to take the boys was Brices Creek. As he paddled he would recite stories to his boys about times gone by when the Native American Indians ruled these parts of the world. His son's would carefully peak around to see if there were any Indians waiting by their wigwam to hail them as they slid by. Noah enjoyed these easy times with his boys as he knew, one day, they will grow up and leave him… just like he did with his father and as did his father before that.
Noah's favorite story, and one he told Ad infinitum, was about the three Indians and the little Indian girl who visited while the Indians were out. It was the Three Bears story turned into the Three Indians. The boys loved the story and kept asking for "their" story. Once, and only once, Noah changed part of the story. The rebellion was instantaneous and loud. Noah never changed the story again. Years later, at family gatherings, the boys would regularly recount their father's poor decision that it became firmly ensconced in family lore.
Noah was still in the habit of getting up early, getting the kayak out and heading upriver to watch the sun rise. Early mornings were his favorite time of the day. The easy rhythm of activity was one Noah had known a long time. The old kayak hung on two old boat hooks attached to the dock just above the water line. That way he could quickly inspect it before lifting and taking it to the river bank. His favorite direction was always upriver against the current then allowing the river do most of the work going back home. Noah never used lights when setting out in the pre-dawn hours. He relied upon skill, instinct and eyes that did not require glasses to peer through. With sleeves rolled up he would set off slowly at first and then picked up the pace as his muscles warmed to the steady paddle rhythm.
The steady paddle rhythm was soothing to the soul and allowed the cares of the world to float away into the passing water.
Noah always tried to see the first peak of the sun's rays as dawn won the fight with the night. The first inkling of light brought with it the satisfying thought that all is right with the world: that the heavens above and that Mother Nature is in control. Pausing to catch the spectacle of the rising sun, the mist on the water and the rising dawn chorus, Noah felt at peace with the world and himself. Often he felt that these early morning outings are what saved him from the horrendous nightmares along with the unholy and graphic memories of the war. With his soul cleansed by the magic of the dawn he turned his canoe around and headed home to Allie, breakfast and the time to rouse the kids for a new day.
When the boys were too young, Noah would head out with Jason's father. Jason's father would come over about four in the morning and by five the two men were gone for the day. They would do a lot of fishing and a lot more talking. For lunch they would fry up some of the fish they had caught and talked some more. Jason's father would do most of the talking and Noah would do most of the listening. The conversation was usually about the battle for Bastogne. Both men were part of Patton's army that helped rescue Bastogne from the Nazi's. Bastogne had gotten to Jason's father. Actually it never left him. WWII veterans never talked about the war and things like that, except to someone who was there and could understand. The safest place for such talks is away from prying ears and when the fish are biting.
Jeff and Davie slowly became a twosome with a good ability of getting out of the house, away from the girls and being with their father. Noah never fussed at his boys if they were clean or dirty, so long as they had a good time and appreciated the handiwork of the good Lord above. Allie, on the other hand, fussed at the dirt, scrapes and bashes. That was the difference between parents. The highlight of these expeditions was the Noah's lunchtime meal. Again it was mostly fried fish. Noah loved fried fish with a light sprinkling of seasoning, and not too much salt.
After a hectic morning and a good meal, the row home was slow and gentle as the main catch of the day was gently sleeping in the bottom of the boat.
As the boys grew, the porch swing became too tame for them. That is when Noah made a swing using a rather tall oak tree so the length of the rope made the high swinging a challenge for the boys. That is when Noah would step in and swing each boy at a time. Higher and higher they would go to yells of excitement and terror. For years Allie would watch all the children being pushed higher and higher by their father. She could never understand why the children loved the rough and tumble of their father. For example, they would flock to their father each yelling, "Pick me up!" Of course he did and then he would toss them into the air, wrap them about his waste and throw them over his shoulder and grab them before they hit the ground. Things Allie's father never did with her.
When Jeff entered elementary school, Davie had to accept his younger sister Kate. He didn't like to since she was a girl, but there was no one else to hang out with. The nice thing about family is no one bothered Davie about his port wine stain on his face or his stutter.
On 12 April 1961, the Soviet Union was first to get a human being into in to space with Yuri Gagarin. Jeff was only nine. The on September 12, 1962, President Kennedy gave the famous "We choose the Moon speech" at Rice University. When Jeff entered middle school all he wanted to do was be an astronaut and fly to the stars.
While in middle school Jeff launched his first model rocket. It was a huge success. The launch left Jeff speechless and Noah with a lighter wallet.
After the first launch Noah and Allie took a long walk discussing Jeff and rockets. Rocketry is not a cheap hobby and Noah was concerned that this new hobby could easily spiral out of control. Or, to look at it another way, Jeff's expensive hobby could drain away funds that could be used on the other children. Noah and Allie had many walks about Jeff and his hobby. The walks was useful, even though a conclusion was not reached.
Through the Mercury, Gemini and finally the Apollo programs Jeff was over at Jason's house because Jason had a color television set which showed the lift-off of these mighty machines. Of course the highlight of 1969 happened on July 20, when Neil Armstrong stepped onto the surface of the Moon. Jeff and Jason were awe struck and glued to the TV listening to Walter Cronkite.
Jeff graduated from New Bern High School in May 1970 and went straight to Georgia Institute of Technology at Atlanta, GA, for summer school. Noah knew there was nothing holding this boy back. Allie thought there was all of summer to get used to the idea of losing her first son to college: but it was not to be. She shed many tears all summer long.
Jeff left for Georgia Tech on a full scholarship. In many ways he was glad to be out of the house. All through high school he was expected to help the younger siblings with their math and science homework. That type of stuff came easy to Jeff because he knew where it was going to take him. His enthusiasm and understanding lost both Noah and Allie: and that is why they needed Jeff's help with the younger ones. Having to help grated on Jeff. Many was the time he had to bite his tongue hard when Davie, or Kate came asking simple questions that Jeff felt was beneath him even to offer a grunt or a snigger. At an early age Jeff learnt that anything derogatory would bring an instant yell to one parent or another that he was not helping.
Being the first boy and only two years older than the second boy paired them closely together. When they were young it was fun. When Jeff went off to elementary school he suddenly realized there were more people out there than were imaginable. Then, two years later, the anchor arrived beside him at the bus stop. It was Jeff that had to make sure Davie got on the school bus each morning and then help him with his simple elementary school homework in the evening. This imposition drove Jeff to fits of stomping about the house. When that didn't work, to taking off on long and lone exploratory expeditions. That did not last long as his father put a quick end to that type of expeditions. Going out alone at age eight is not the smartest thing to do.
Fortunately Jeff entered middle school the year Kate entered elementary school so the responsibility for her fell on Davie. Jeff felt elated at being free for the next two years and so he dove into middle school activities with a vengeance and became involved in all sorts of sports. Simply put, Jeff became a high maintenance boy.
When Jeff entered high school everything changed. He realized he had four years in which to catch his dream. He dropped sports and the other extra curricula activities and concentrated on his education. Dropping sports concerned his parents which resulted in several serious talks between father and son. Since Noah never went to university he was at a disadvantage to his son. Allie, on the other hand, had graduated from university and could read her first son better and faster than any book from Nicholas Sparks. Allie and Noah would discuss Jeff well into the night trying to outguess his next move. No matter what plan they thought of, so long as Jeff was heading to university they gave him a high degree of latitude: so long as he did his chores first.
Jeff's main chore was to keep the grass mowed. For that job Noah had bought a John Deere riding lawn mower because there was a lot of land to mow and to go round the rose garden that was in the shape of concentric hearts. During the summer it was a weekly chore which tapered off in the fall and slowly picked up in the spring. Since Jeff was the oldest boy he was also expected to be first assistant to his father in tree chopping and hauling wood. Davie would join in with this activity two years later when he was old enough. Even though Allie thought this division of the chores was sexist, she also realized that snakes, crocodiles and banana spiders were best left to her able husband and sons to tackle and remove.
All this education was fine and dandy, but it put an end to the father and son fishing trips and the chats about nothing in particular. Noah fussed at Allie that he missed his eldest son. He missed just hanging out with him. To which Allie replied that he is a good boy focused on his education. All Noah could do was nod in agreement and fuss some more.
Jeff remained focused through his four years at high school. Focused enough to earn a full scholarship. How he pulled it off his parents never really understood. Yes, they saw the work and dedication. They knew he was getting good grades. They understood he was pushing himself virtually all the time. They knew how expensive his model rockets were getting. And they knew he did not have time to get distracted or get into trouble.
Many of the walks Allie and Noah took were about Jeff. It was common, when they returned home; the only light on was in Jeff's room.
It all paid off on May 1976 when Jeff walked across the stage to graduate egregia cum laude. Allie knew where he got his smarts from while Noah beamed with pride.
Jeff's BS was hard: more socially than academically. Being a small town boy with a hic accent did not help. Shyness became a constant companion.
Jeff earned his MS in 1978 and PhD in 1981. They were a real challenge because of the school work and because he had to pay for the MS and PhD. Oh yes, and because he met and married Debbie Hamm before he took her home to meet his parents.
It was a whirlwind romance during Jeff's first year of his MS. Debbie was working as a librarian, who had a attitude when it came to demanding students, especially those who expected the librarian to do all the looking for some obscure publication from some out-of-the-way publisher. That was Jeff. Debbie stood up to Jeff's preppy's attitude and gave as good as she got. She intrigued Jeff but Jeff had books to read, papers to write, and groups to work with. Even though life was hectic, somehow Debbie found out his secret study place at the back of the library. She would walk by, saying nothing, not even looking, just making sure Jeff noticed her for that brief moment. At first it did not bother Jeff… then he kept losing his concentration wondering if she would reappear… and after several weeks of poor studying Jeff waited for Debbie to do her usual walk by. Jeff had a plan... or rather he thought he had a plan. He saw her walking her usual route and slowly eased out into her path. With arms folded he stood there looking at Debbie. She came within inches of Jeff and stopped. She raised one eyebrow and looked at Jeff.
"And?" was all Jeff said.
"And what preppy?" was Debbie's reply as she peered over the top of her black rimmed glasses at him.
Jeff gave her a huge smile and said nothing. He was thinking she was cute looking even without any makeup. Trying to act serious Jeff changed from his original approach, "Look, I'm trying to study over there and your walking by is distracting me."
"How so preppy? Isn't it a free world for me to walk where I want?" The way Debbie said 'want' was intriguing and beguiling. The letter 'a' had a long descending tone. Jeff almost, then and there, fell for her pretty southern accent. Somehow, he held it together. Jeff continued with, "Where did this preppy business came from?"
"You dress like a preppy, act like a preppy and have that preppy attitude that says you are better than everyone else."
Jeff had never been attacked like that, ever. He looked hard at Debbie and her smug look. Deciding it was not worth it; he turned, gathered up his books and left the library vowing to find a new place to study. He found a new quiet spot in the engineering computer room. Computer nerds stick together better than a gator on a big chunk of bate! Jeff thought he was safe while Debbie had never been rebuffed like that. Her major was geology specializing in oil and gas research which meant Jeff and Debbie had no reason to cross each other paths. It took Debbie half a semester to track Jeff down and then another two weeks to see where he was doing his study. What riled Debbie the most was the fact that Jeff said so little and got out so fast that Debbie did not realize she had been dumped… the first time in a very long time. She usually did the dumping before the boy got too clingish.
Debbie walked confidently into the computer room, noting Jeff hunched over a CRT tapping away. She sat by the line printer knowing he would be there shortly. One of Jeff's friends noticed Debbie sitting by the printer and sent Jeff a message to his CRT. Jeff adjusted his CRT to see her in the reflection of his screen. That is why he sat there for so long thinking. It was three hours later that Jeff finally got up and walked out of the computer room and totally ignored Debbie. On the other hand, Debbie was upset because she had wasted an evening chasing nothing more than a hope and a prayer.
Two days later Jeff walked into Manning Hall and asked for Debbie Hamm.
The university's main frame had all the information on Debbie Hamm. It was just a matter of time before Jeff got to her data by using his Assembly programming skills.
Debbie came bouncing down the stairs, quickly walked up to the desk and asked who was asking for her. The girl at the desk pointed at Jeff and when Debbie turned about to see who she was pointing saw Jeff studying the ceiling holding a single rose in his hands. His nonchalant preppy attitude made her smile.
"Hi preppy," Debbie said as she walked over to Jeff, "couldn't stay away?"
"I found this rose and wanted to give it a good home. So I thought of you."
"Why me?"
"You have stickability, and I like that."
"Oh, you like what you see."
"No, I didn't say that. I said I like your stickability. But I do like what I see."
"Ah, preppy has good eyes."
"Good eyes and good tastes. Do you want to go out for a walk?"
"Only a walk, no racing car and fancy clothing?"
"Nope, just jeans and a clean shirt, pressed by yours truly."
"Am I going to be safe with you?"
"Safe as the day is long."
"So, where are we going?"
"Just out for a walk."
"What are we going to talk about?"
"What ever you want… so long as it is not sports."
Debbie laughed easily as the simple joke and then said, "I'd never take you for a sports jock."
Looking sideways at her Jeff replied, "Well let me tell you about my middle school activities when I was the best jock in New Bern…" And he did and Debbie never laughed so hard.
And that is how it started. Two weeks later they were a fixture and Jeff felt comfortable enough to wonder how serious it was all going. Despite being in different colleges they had one thing going for them: both their schedules were weighted to MWF mornings. They met for lunch at the school cafeteria and then headed over to the library where they bagged a room and shut the door. Like two peas in a pod they helped each other grow and develop. Every now and again, one of the other would look up from their studies and look at the other. Their looks for each other grew firmer and firmer as the pages and days flipped by.
Debbie realized how serious things were getting when an old flame called and asked her out for a Friday date at their favorite old haunt.
Pedro and Debbie hung out during their last year of high school and both selected Georgia Institute of Technology to be close to each other. Pedro was a math major and loaded up on Tu Th classes while Debbie stayed with the traditional MWF routine. Pedro liked his schedule because he could head home after his last class on Thursday and drive in early Tuesday morning for his first class of the day. This schedule meant Pedro was basically a three day a week student while Debbie was there full time studying and working in the library to pull in some extra cash. Their time together dropped off rapidly and then came the rumors. Rumors of Pedro hanging out with Jenny Espanoza. Jenny was your typical all American high school cheerleader who lived just down the street from Pedro. Jenny had been taking cheerleader summer classes ever since first grade. She was the only freshman on the high school cheerleading squad.
At first Debbie ignored the rumors until she heard from her younger sister that Jenny had a high school ring about her neck. When she next saw Pedro she noticed he was not wearing his graduation ring. The ring he bought with his own money because his parents could not afford one. The ring he wore with pride. The ring he made sure everyone saw. The ring he never took off no matter what he did.
After months of abject denial Debbie went home for thanksgiving. Her younger sister took Debbie to Sonic where they saw Pedro and Jenny cruising round and round yelling at the other high school kids. It was the lies that Pedro said that hurt the most. With that Debbie retreated into her shell at the library until Jeff appeared and forced her to do some serious reevaluations on the worth of dating again.
Jeff had been raised in a good Christian home and felt that marriage was forever and never liked when his minister said, "…until death do you part." His measuring stick was his parents. He saw, observed, listened and discovered that, despite not agreeing on everything, his parents had an abiding love for each other. Their love showed in a multitude of small ways. A touch, a word, a note, a look across the kitchen, even a trip to the local shaved ice place down town New Bern that they liked to go, just to get away from things.
Jeff was getting serious; he was not sure about Debbie. So he called his mother and asked the question, "When do you know you are in love?" The phone was silent for a long time. "Are you there?"
"I'm here," then came another pause. "Shouldn't you be asking your father this question?"
"I thought of that then chose you."
"Why me?"
"You know these things."
"I do for girls, not for boys."
"Is there a difference?"
"Don't you know men are from Mars and women are from Venus?" That stumped Jeff. He immediately wondered why Mars and Venus? Why those two and not the spectacular Saturn with its magnificent rings? Then his thoughts ended on, what have the planets to do with falling in love?
Jeff quickly changed his approach by saying, "Your paintings show people in love… and so I thought you the better one."
"Thanks for the strong recommendation on my paintings but that doesn't make me Ann Landers."
"Who?"
"Sorry, I forgot, you don't read the newspapers."
"Why are you dancing about mother? I thought you'd have the answer. I thought you would be good here."
"There are some things you are good at and others not so. This is for your father to answer as he is right here." Jeff could hear his mother yell for Noah and then his father's muffled voice asking, "Who is it?"
The muffled reply was, "Your son… the old one."
"Hay Jeff, what's going on?"
Now it was Jeff's turn to feel uncomfortable. He and his father had been close at one time and then came high school. During those hectic four years Jeff kept his nose firmly in the books and out of any and all family affairs, gatherings and anything else he could worm out of. After graduating from high school he chose to head out for summer classes at university. He knew his father had big plans for the both of them during the summer, but Jeff wanted to be free of the family clutches. Now it dawned on him how shortsighted his choices were.
Jeff knew he was stuck since his mother knew what the question was. He had to man up and work through this with his father. "Hi Pop," that was his stock-in-trade opening when talking to his father, "I was wondering if I could ask you something."
"Sure son. What can I help you with?" Jeff could hear the puzzle in his father's voice. Jeff had never asked his father for any advice since discussing his first pair of jeans at age eleven. Noah told Jeff to get dungarees. That was bad advice as no one wore dungarees at Jeff's school.
"It's about a girl."
"Okay," was Noah's very slow reply.
Quickly sensing that was wrong, Jeff said, " Dad, not like that." His firm tone brought quick relief to Noah. "I mean, girls in general."
"Okay."
"Like, how do you pick one?" The minute he said that Jeff bit his tongue. That was stupid and wrong: and he knew it.
"Pick one?"
"Sorry Dad, I didn't mean that. What I'm trying to say is, how do you get the right one?"
Noah was looking long and hard at Allie on the other side of the kitchen and frantically gesticulated at the phone. Wisely Allie blew her husband a kiss and walked out of the kitchen, onto the porch and sat in the swing. From the swing she could hear the one-sided conversation quite clearly. She smiled to herself and thought it was about time Noah did some of the heavy lifting in the family.
When the door shut behind Allie Noah went blank. His knowledge of girls was thin at best. Between puberty and now he could count the number of girls he had dated on one hand. Allie counted for two of the fingers.
"Okay son, start at the beginning."
"I have."
"Oh."
"Dad, I need to know how you know how to pick the right one." Noah was thinking fast and getting nowhere just as quick. Picking girls was not something he had done in years. Stale would be an understatement. Since the phone was very quiet, Jeff added, "Should I call Jane?"
"What for?"
"Help."
"Help on what?"
"Help on girls."
"But she's a girl."
"I know that."
"How can she help?"
"Because she may know something," Jeff struggled to keep frustration from resonating in his voice while he was thinking how his father was as thick as two planks.
Still not getting it, Noah counted to ten and then said, "Son, I'm still not with you. Let's start again. You are asking for help about girls. What girls?"
"Not what girls, girls in general."
"Okay. Girls in general. What is general?"
The conversation was painfully disjointed, but Jeff kept on plodding through the morass. "Girls as in liking them."
Noah was ready to jump on Jeff's last comment then realized that would not be a smart move. Best get the full meaning first. "Okay, let's say for arguments sake, you have a girlfriend and you like her. Is that a good starting point?"
With relief Jeff said calmly, "I could go with that."
Ha! Success! Was printed all over Noah's face. Then a frown emerged. "Son, there's a big difference between dating and liking a girl. And there are two sides, you and her. For arguments sake, how would you say things are?"
Now it was Jeff's turn to squirm. "Ah… for arguments sake say there was a girl I liked," he started and then paused. "Maybe stronger than liked."
"Stronger than liked. Stronger as in sizing a ring?"
"Oh no Dad… nothing like that."
Jeff's replay was far too quick and his tone was all wrong. Noah picked up on it immediately. Starting to sense the drift of the conversation Noah carefully said, "Okay son, there is this hypothetical girl who you may, hypothetically, like. Is that a good starting point?"
Weighing up his options, Jeff casually said, "That about sizes is up Pop." His casualness conveyed far more than his words did.
"Then, hypothetically, of course, you like the girl."
Jeff never thought about it in that sense. Liking, not liking… going out, not going out... Semantics and split infinitives were not Jeff's strong points so he said, "I suppose so."
"Supposing so is not exactly a ringing endorsement son."
"It's not really liking, it's more than that. It's something hard to say Dad. Hard to put into words. More of… more of… more of something I'm not sure of. That's why I wanted to talk to mother…"
"And why she passed you to me," cut in Noah. Then continued with, "We were lucky. Your mother and I met when we were young and then again later," Jeff knew the story by heart and really did not want another rendition. It was not why he called. Noah continued, "I still don't know what she saw in me to drive down right before her wedding. She could have stayed at home, got married, and I would never have been the wiser. She chose to find out. She wanted to be sure the marriage was right. She had to make sure as marriage is a big step." The pause was not a long one before Noah went down a different thread, "The first time, when we were together, it just felt right. Like, we were made for each other. When she drove away the first time, a part of me left with her. From that point on no one came close to how she made me feel." Then silence entered the conversation. Noah let his words sink deep to see how his son would react.
After a while Jeff said slowly, "I see."
"So, how do you feel? Hypothetically, of course."
"Interesting Dad, very interesting. Did you date anyone else?" If there was one thing Jeff learned from his old man it was the ability to change the course of the conversation. Noah never noticed the change.
"Before the war, no. There was only your Mother. After the war, when she did not reply to my letters, I dated. Nothing matched so why settle for second best when you know what the best felt like? Also it wouldn't be fair to the girl. Every time you looked at her you would be wondering about the other girl: and your kids would pick up on it. No son, it wouldn't be right to do that."
"Were you happy alone at the house after the war?"
"I was busy during the days, the evenings were another thing. That is when I missed you mother the most. I would spend a lot of time thinking about her. I would sit on the porch, in the swing, playing on the guitar and loosing myself in some good poetry. I liked the guitar on cloudy or evenings when the moon was not out. I used to think of it as good guitar music weather. When the evenings got lighter I would pull out a poetry book and meander through its pages. You've heard them lots of times."
Jeff smiled to himself and said softly, "Yea, we've all heard them."
"Your mother said I was the only person ever to read poetry to her. She liked that as much as I liked reading to her. One giving, the other receiving. The first time we met, we would sit for ages while I read," Noah chuckled then said, "Things changed when you kids came along. That's when we started taking you to the library and teaching you to read. You have to be able to read before you can appreciate the language of the poets." Then Noah picked up the pace a little. "You remember the Passionate Shepherd's poem?"
Jeff let out a groan. It was his high school English class and the homework was Marlowe's Passionate Shepherd to His Love and Ralegh's Nymph's reply. He did not get it. Jeff read and reread the two poems and still did not get it. He could read but he could not understand. Again Allie pushed Jeff to his father as Noah was the poet of the family. Once read Noah understood. For some inexplicable reason, genetics Noah thought, he could not make his son catch the vision. Smart as he was, Jeff was not one bit interested in poetry. With absolute clarity Jeff knew understanding poetry could not help in working out the technical difficulties of space flight. Feeling frustrated Noah turned to Mr. Burns and his poem A Red, Red Rose. Noah could see Jeff perk up. So he went to Ae Fond Kiss, And Then We Sever. This was quickly followed by Bonie Jean-A Ballad. By now Jeff was seeing, and more importantly, feeling the difference in tone and texture. His eyes were starting to open. With a glint of understanding, Jeff was able to write his report. "I remember," was Jeff's very slow reply. The seared memory was tempered by his teacher's joy that he had something of his father's love for poetry in him. Whitman was okay. Dickenson was more interesting. For a laugh there was nothing better than Rudyard Kipling. There was a standing order in the house that when anyone, friend, family or visitor, pulled out a cigar Jeff would saunter over and give a serious, but hearty, rendition of The Betrothed. As Jeff meandered through the poem the girls congregated on one side of the room while all the boys stood shoulder to shoulder on the other. When the climatic conclusion was reached the girls left the room making as much noise as possible by stomping on the floorboards, banging of doors and the resonating sound of pots being battered by good old-fashioned wooden spoons. Poetry and Jeff never really mixed.
"At least you found something you liked."
"Because it was fun to read. I mean Kipling did such a good job."
Noah got back on track by saying, "The second time I met your mother was different. I had gone through the war and your mother worked as a nurse. We had to grow up fast, very fast. War does that to people. Yes, we were the same but really different." Getting lost in memories, Noah continued by adding, "I didn't want to marry a memory, I wanted to marry Allie. I guess she felt the same because she felt the same. You can only go so far on a memory when it becomes too thin"
This was new territory to Jeff so he asked, "You fell in love again?"
"Had to son. We had history but she was a different person. There is a huge difference between so-called puppy love and the love of serious adults," Then he added, "I'd consider you an adult now. Old enough to make the right choice." Sensing it was the right time Noah added, "You have to know in your very soul that she is the right one. Getting married is no simple step. I hope you plan to be married your entire life. Too many people go into marriage with nothing more serious than hopping into bed. Anyone can have a child, but it takes two responsible adults to raise a family. We were lucky your mother could paint so well. I mean to say, without her skills, I'd doubt if we could have done half the things with you kids. You and your rockets put a serious dent into the family purse. Like I said, we could afford it and you are where you are."
Noah's candidness was something new to Jeff. Jeff found himself being treated as an adult and no longer a young man in the shadows of his father. "I didn't know that."
"No need to. I doubt if the others realize it. Just one of those things that never come up in every day conversation. Getting back to this hypothetical girl," Noah said to get back on track. This conversation had taken so many twists and turns it was becoming hard to remember what the topic was, "There is a lot to liking a girl. This is where books don't really help. You have to rely on your heart."
"Like?"
"Son, it's not as easy as creating a cheat sheet you go done ticking off items as done or not done. What I might put down as important you might not agree. For example I would read poetry and you most probably not. Does that mean I'm right and you're wrong? No, it means we are different looking at the same girl very differently," Noah gave a small chuckle and added, "Then there are times when no matter what you do, there is no spark between you. Like, all the gods are against you two ever getting together." There was a longer pause this time. "Sorry I'm not giving a clear answer. I guess life is not meant to be the same for everyone. Similar, yes: just not the same."
One evening, not long after talking to his father, while splitting a DQ Blizzard, Jeff sort of casually asked, "What do you think of us?" Once he said it he realized it was totally wrong and he sounded like s stuck pig. He was nervous and it showed.
Debbie kept her eyes on Jeff as she finished delicately extracting the red plastic spoon from between her lips. She then carefully cocked her head to one side and looked at Jeff. Gently she said, "We're doing good." With her southern accent elongating the word 'good' over far more syllables than is legally allowed.
After fiddling and faddling about, Jeff plucked up enough courage to admit the obvious, "I love you." The words he said and the look on his face did not match. It didn't matter.
A broad smile spread across Debbie's face that illuminated the table where they sat. "You do?"
"Yes," then came the key question, "And you?"
"And me."
"You do?" said Jeff in a wave of relief. He reached for Debbie and she extended her hand to meet his half way across the table. She had long delicate fingers with fingernails that she kept short and painted a deep red. It was the same shade as her lipstick when she wore it: like she was doing tonight.
Debbie had also been wondering where the relationship was going. Good friends, good pals, close associates, bosom buddies but never lovers. Yes they had made out to a hot point and then Jeff cooled things down: things never got out of hand. Debbie felt put off at first then she saw a different side on him once they started attending the Wednesday lunchtime spaghetti and sermons over at the Baptist Student Union close to campus. Jeff always paid close attention to what was being said and after they would discuss the sermon. At first Debbie felt uncomfortable discussing something as personal as religion. Slowly she realized Jeff was not picking on her or anyone else. He wanted to sound her out and confirm his belief in a superior being.
Debbie's family was religious, so long as it never got in the way of a good family gathering on Sunday afternoons. People would start arriving right after noon and food was ready by one. People came, ate, mingled, left, and some came back for more convivial company. That is what families are all about. To Debbie religion was like a big happy family muddling along together eating good gumbo, shrimp and spicy boudin sausage. And if someone had caught a gator, all the better. In the cool of the evening, when things had mellowed down, a banjo accompanied by a harmonica or accordion would come out and the songs of old were sung about the back porch. That is how Debbie grew up: dirt poor and family rich.
It took a while for Jeff to open up about his family life. It happened after Debbie had to go home over a weekend for a funeral. Virtually every week Debbie would get a letter or note saying so-and-so had died. She had a pile of Uncles, Aunts and cousins. Most of them were distantly related so attendance was not mandatory. This one was and Debbie took of Thursday right after class and did not get back until Monday night. It was that absence that drove home the point to Jeff that he was in love with Debbie.
When she got back she had a sad tail to tell of her second cousin. He was out gator hunting with his younger nephew. Since the younger nephew was no good with the gun the cousin did that work as well as steer the boat. That was the mistake. They pulled up on a bate line that was pulled down. They had a gator on the end. The cousin motored in nice and close so the nephew could reach and work the line. This gator was a big one and had plenty of fight in him. He thrashed and snapped and when he finally got to the surface the cousin came forward with the rifle. With all the excitement and the boat rocking, he stumbled over on of the dead gators and shot himself bad in the leg. The cousin didn't make it back to land and the waiting ambulance.
After telling the story, it was one sentence that made all the difference. Debbie, thoughtfully said, "Life really is too short you know." Jeff knew how close things can get. While out with his father they had run into a few close calls. They made a pact never to tell Allie. Noah didn't want to worry his wife.
Jeff, in a firm voice said, "Let's do it. Let's get married."
"What?"
"Let's get married. I mean, I love you and you love me… So let's get married."
"You don't do it like that?"
"Why not? You said life is too short. I agree with you, so let's do it."
"No, we can't"
"Why not?"
"Because…"
"Because why?"
"Because… just because."
"That is no reason Debbie. Give me something real."
"Okay, a wedding takes time to plan."
"No it doesn't. Let's go visit the SBU and see when we can get married."
"Jeff, be real. You can't go knocking on their door and ask to get hitched just like that?"
"Yes you can. Paul and Ann did it last year. All done in a couple of days. Then they graduated and not they have one on the way."
"But what about my parents?"
"If you don't tell yours, I won't tell mine. Let's make it a surprise."
"You are serious about this, aren't you?
"Carpe Diem - let's seize the day!"
Then Debbie's voice changed. There was seriousness in her tone, "You really want to do this? You really want to marry me?"
"That is what I'm saying. Yes. Yes, I'm serious. It's time to stop messing about and admit I do love you. These past days with you gone and now this story has made me realize this is it. This is what I am looking for. I'm not sure how it will all work out, but right now, I'm sure this is the right thing to do and I really don't want to waste time and get cold feet. I'd like to marry you as soon as possible."
Debbie was stunned. School is one thing. Meeting people from different backgrounds goes with the territory of university. But getting married? That was never discussed before she left her humble abode for the big city. Her mother still had plans, the plans they talked about as they sat at the kitchen table pealing vegetables. Was Jeff better than all her previous ambitions and goals? Was she ready to toss it all in and become one with this nerd from New Bern NC? Was he really the one? Where the heck was New Bern anyway? These and a thousand other thoughts jumbled through her as they sat there in silence.
Jeff felt embarrassed and added, "Sorry for dropping this on you all of a sudden. I didn't plant it… I really didn't." Then he added, "I don't have a ring, I don't have any flowers… It's just that I don't want to loose you."
"Hush Jeff, let me think for a moment, won't you?" Debbie sat there with Jeff's hand in her lap. Her fingers were walking over his palm, through his fingers and over the back. He had the soft hands of a Preppy.
"If, and I mean if," warned Debbie, "Where would we live? You are in the dorms and I'm in a shack of a place. You have paid through the end of the semester and I'm on a year contract."
"I would move in with you and sublet my room. It's done all the time and is allowed."
"Two cars?"
"Sell the worst one and make do. Your place is close enough we can walk to school. About the only time we need a car is for grocery shopping."
It was April 1977 that Jeff and Debbie were married by the BSU minister. Jeff's parents were really mad at him and Debbie's parents were worse than upset at her. With both parents mad, angry, and deeply hurt it was time to face the music once finals were over at the end of May. With marriage license in hand they first went first to Debbie's parents down in New Orleans then on to his parents in New Bern.
Debbie's parents were deeply suspicious of Jeff and his intentions despite a signed and sealed marriage certificate. Debbie's father took Jeff on a long walk along the Mississippi levy. He pounded Jeff from every angle imaginable and then some he invented just to make Jeff's life miserable. Jeff knew he had really pissed off Debbie's father by robbing him of the privilege of walking his daughter down the isle at church for a huge family celebration. The one clear message Jeff took away from this stroll by the Mississippi was the fact that if he didn't treat Debbie right Jeff would be facing a double-ended shot gun when he least expected it.
Debbie's mother stole her daughter away for a loud mother-daughter chat. Everyone up and down the river listened to every word as Debbie's mother had a piercing voice that she used to her advantage in the choir at church. Then came the tears. Debbie's mother was well known for turning on the water works. She cried and wailed all over the place. Finally she fell into her favorite chair and invited Jeff to sit beside her. She peppered him with questions about his studies. When he told her his plans to get a PhD everything changed. Debbie's mother jumped out of her chair and in a very loud voice started to ask Jeff to describe his studies. Everyone up and down the river heard very clearly that Debbie had landed herself one smart cookie who also knew all about catching gators. Feeling much better about Jeff, Debbie's mother made some of the best Creole food Jeff had ever tasted. He hoped Debbie was half as good a cook as her mother.
The drive from New Orleans to New Bern was a quiet affair. Both were subdued as they thought how their decision to get married had upset one set of parents with the second to go.
Not much happens in New Bern without everyone knowing about it. Making lemonade out of lemons Allie had had made a large sign that said, 'To the Newly Wed's Jeff and Debbie' and hung it across the front of the house. When Jeff and Debbie pulled up to the house and saw the sign, both let out a sigh of relief.
Allie fell in love with the tall and slim Debbie with her long jet black hair and deep southern accent. Her dark complexion was in stark contrast to the fair haired blue-eyed Jeff. Allie wondered to herself who her grandchildren would favor.
Jeff and Debbie moved into a small apartment near campus and sold off his car so they only had one car to worry about. They were careful and fugal as the loans stacked up fast. Both parents offered to help the newly weds, but Jeff declined saying they were married and could handle the future. It was a lie. Jeff worried while Debbie knew he would do just fine once he had his MS. Once Jeff had his MS she said the same thing about his PhD. One child later and another one on the way they were off to Huntsville, Alabama where Jeff found work at the Marshall Space Flight. All that hard work had paid off.
Jeff was worse than a child in a candy store. He loved every aspect of his work and quickly realized he was standing on the shoulders of some of the most brilliant men in the world. Jeff honestly felt that until Debbie stumbled across Peenemünde. The more she read the more she was horrified. The low point was discovering that Wernher von Braun was a member of the Nazi party, a commissioned Sturmbannführer in the paramilitary SS and decorated Nazi war hero. Then she read how von Braun was using Jews and Russians to work them selves to death constructing the V2 assembly facilities deep inside Nazi Germany. The fact that the famous Apollo flights to the moon were based on dead Jews and Russians did not sit well with Debbie.
Even though Wernher von Braun died on June 16, 1977 Debbie stayed away from social events that some of the old Nazi's attended. She could not see past the Holocaust and the blind eye the American government turned to von Braun and his ilk to gain Nazi technical expertise
Jeff was really upset that he missed STS-1 by two months. A point his fellow engineers constantly reminded him. Jeff was assigned the nickname of Jonnie as he came late. Somehow he wrangled an assignment to the Cape for STS-2 on Nov. 12, 1981. The magic was so breathtaking that it absorbed Debbie and their fast growing kids.
Jeff was not enamored by the design of the solid booster rockets. He thought them nothing more than a glorified 4th of July rocket with no way to stop them once lit. They worked but had no finesse and that is why he took an opening on the shuttle engines.
The next few years were hectic as the pressure was on NASA to deliver as promised a cheep and easy way to get satellites into space. The politicians thought one way while delivering the promise was something entirely different.
1985 was a blur for Jeff. The pressure to fly came from upstairs. Fly and then fly again meant there was constant begging and borrowing from any orbiter to the one down at the cape. It got to the point that entire engines were removed from one orbiter and flown down to the cape and then installed through the night. Nights were a blur while days never really existed: it was all the same in the Vehicle Assembly Building.
Once one Orbiter crawled out of the assembly building another one was knocking on the door. Jeff lost several months down at the Cape while conversations with his wife were stilted with well used clichés interspersed with long periods of silence. Jeff was on autopilot and caffeine.
When STS-61B landed Dec. 3, 1985, everyone was eager to go home for Christmas. Jeff slept for so long that Debbie thought he was ill. He was totally exhausted. The pressure had resulted in Jeff gaining an eye tic. Once Christmas and New Year was over, Jeff was expected to return to the Cape. He really didn't want to go as he knew 1986 was going to be at the same hectic pace of 1985 with STS-61C getting ready to go early in January.
Jeff was in the thick of it once back at the Cape. He soon found out that there were many that didn't go home; they stayed to get her ready. The dedication and camaraderie at the Cape was phenomenal.
The minute STC-61C left the Cape it was time for STS-51L. The hectic pace never stopped even when unusual freezing weather moved in. By 7:00am January 28, 1986, Jeff was at his usual spot at the Kennedy Space Center control room sitting beside the thruster controller consol. He was watching the telemetry stream back to the consol from all three engines. Since the bird was still on the ground the telemetry was giving the current status. The general conversation was on the freezing cold weather that blew in.
The liftoff at 11:38:00 a.m. EST was picture perfect and lasted 1 minute, 13 seconds… then the world ended. The orbiter Challenger came apart in a big ball in the sky. It took Jeff a few seconds before the word got back to the control room and it matched the dead data appearing on the screen.
On February 3, 1986 Executive Order 12546 was issued and the Presidential Commission on the Space Shuttle Challenger Accident started. It was not a pretty commission. The failure of NASA management became clear because they capitulated to the schedule pressure which trickled down to the Cape. And, more importantly, NASA management changed the rules of engagement from 'prove the orbiter was safe to fly' to 'prove the orbiter was unsafe to fly'. The schedule became the driving force above everything including safety and common sense.
When Jeff put down the report the shine of NASA was gone. Debbie and Jeff took several long walks to talk and hold hands. He really did not want to stay at Marshall he was thinking about the European Space Agency and Ariane 4.
It was Debbie who said it was time to visit New Bern. She knew Jeff needed to go. They loaded the children into the station wagon and headed east. Noah wasn't sure who was pulling into the front on a chilly morning at 5am. Once the vehicle came closer he knew the distinctive sound was Jeff and his clan. The early morning ruckus of kids waking, parents greeting their long lost son and daughter-in-law which was soon intermingled with the sounds of breakfast being started.
"How about stretching your legs son?" was Noah's ambivalent invitation after a hearty breakfast.
Debbie smiled slightly when Jeff said, "Sure Dad."
Out the front door and off they went with Noah describing the changes to the place since Jeff was last there. Jeff listened with half an ear. He knew his father was just killing time. The opening came when Noah gently asked, "And how are you doing son?" and then he kept quiet.
"Doing fine," was the simple start.
"And the family?"
"Doing fine, really fine."
"And the dog?"
"Fine, really fine," and then Jeff realized he didn't have a dog. He shook his head and laughed out loud. So he added, "He is doing really fine since he is so quiet."
"Mmmm, that's good." Noah said quietly as he scanned the tree line for activity.
"I read the report Dad, It wasn't pretty reading." Noah kept looking off into the distance. "I didn't realize how things worked. I did my job and sort of expected everyone else to do the same and put NASA first." Jeff joined his father looking off into the distance and added. "I'm thinking of moving on to something else."
"I see," then Noah added, "Have you talked to Debbie about this?"
"Yes and then some. We haven't stopped talking about it."
"You want to move on?" asked Noah raising one eye at his son.
Then came the pause Noah was expecting. The pause kept on growing. "I just don't know. I want to leave as it will never be the same. I mean it can never be the same now. Everyone is down and everyone is saying the Fed's are going to close us down. You know… ground all the Orbiters and throw away the key."
"Really?"
"No, not really, just how I feel."
"Feel betrayed?"
"And a lot worse," muttered Jeff, "It was the blatant disregard for safety and we lost good people. We had never flown with ice about like that. Who'd thought it could ever get that cold at the Cape. We were way outside the envelope but people upstairs said go because the next Orbiter had to get ready. It was one huge pressure cooker."
"And you enjoyed it?"
"It was great Father. Never had so much fun in all my life. The work was tough but good. We did what was needed to keep the birds flying. And we did it. I guess we all knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity to do this type of work."
"Was it good?" queried Noah.
Jeff was not sure how to answer that, so they continued walking and ended up down at the docks. Father and son sat down while the son thought on… 'Of course it was good, but how do you put it all together. How do you sum up doing something you love and enjoy and the thrill of seeing man in space?' Stalling for time Jeff asked, "Still fishing?"
"So long as they keep biting." Noah chuckled.
"Taking anyone along for the trip?"
Noah let out a sigh, "Not too often these days. Seem to spend more and more time at funerals and less and less time out fishing." Jeff thought of his father's plight and smiled quietly when his father asked, "Will you have time for a quiet afternoon out in the boat?"
"Like old times?"
"No, making new memories for an old man," Said Noah thoughtfully while Jeff went through his memories at Marshall. After a while Noah asked. "Staying for how long? You didn't phone, you didn't send a card, you just showed up."
"Sometimes things are like that." Was all Jeff offered.
Noah knew he was getting nowhere so he tried another approach. "What's next for NASA?" Noah wanted to say, 'What's next for Jeff?' but felt it was not time so he adjusted it a bit.
"Oh, it will carry on. It survived this mishap and I'm sure the government will not scrap it all together. There is too much pride and we still need to get the space station finished. Then, who knows, maybe go back to the moon or get serious about Mars."
"That does not sound too convincing."
"Don't worry Dad, it will survive."
"I'm glad; we need to be in space pushing the envelope."
Feeling an old story coming, Jeff quickly said, "I hope you are not going to break into that old story about Christopher Columbus sailing to ocean blue in 1492…"
"Exactly," Noah said with old passion. "We have this natural desire to seek out, find, discover, explore and push the envelope. It has been the same since human beings set foot on the planet earth."
With a sigh Jeff muttered, "Evolution, father, evolution."
Not to be undone Noah muttered, "Silly boy, it's the Bible you know."
"Okay father, lets move on…"
"As I was saying, we have an innate drive to go forward. The shuttle program is one step in that pursuit of knowledge and understanding. Did the Apollo 1 accident stop the program? No, of course not. We regrouped, modified and move forward. Even Apollo 13 showed resiliency that comes from the American way of doing things."
"Things have changed since then."
"Son they better have. Remember that trip we did over to Houston and San Antonio? We went down to NASA and looked at the hardware there and you wanted to stay even when they were kicking us out of the doors? The difference between then and now is big. The shuttle is one fancy machine compared to the simple Apollo capsule."
Jeff never realized his father knew so much about the space program. Then again his trips back home were so infrequent the two men never had much time to talk.
"I guess you could stay or go. Either way the space program will roll forward. I'm with you, I can't see the program being scrapped. There will be changes and then we will be flying. Do you want to miss that?"
"No, but…" Jeff was stumped. He could not think what to add for the rest of the sentence. Noah let it slip because he was watching the water. He could see fish movement and was itching to get a rod and see what he could catch. He also knew it was not the time to go fishing, it was time to be with his struggling son.
"If you left NASA where would you go? Not many places that need your skills. European Space Agency or Roscosmos , the Russian Federal Space Agency? I suppose you could always go back to school for something else… or you could be a high school physics teacher. Bit of a comedown that."
"Okay, stop prattling on like an old fuddy-duddy."
"But I am old and I get fuddled these days."
"Father…" warned Jeff so Noah backed off from going into his 'old man' rambling speech.
"Okay," mumbled Noah. He liked giving his 'old man' speech as he had been working on it lately to give it a more modern version. Realizing that was dead he asked, "Then why not go back to school? Sort of get retooled?"
"Dad, it's not that simple. NASA is the edge, the future and where all the new stuff is made."
"New stuff?"
"Plans for Mars are well under way. Oh I don't mean going there any time soon. All the background work is going on and it is interesting."
"Interesting for Whom?"
"Marshall is working on getting there and back." Jeff said with eagerness in his voice.
"Using the Moon as a base?" Wondered Noah.
"That is one idea, but not the only one."
"Not trying to do the Moon on a bigger scale?"
"Some think that is one of the ways, sort of using existing technology and plenty of KISS."
"KISS?"
"Keep it simple stupid."
"Oh…"
"Where do you fit in?"
"Getting you there and back."
"And you think it can be done?
"It is not getting there and back that is the problem; it is the time to do it. Mars is a long way away. That means lots of food and water for the journey let alone for stay on Mars. So the simple launch from earth would mean a huge rocket. Or one main rocket with more solid boosters, much like the Soviets do. It's the simple approach but not the smart approach. Too much weight to carry. Others think two rockets. One to take up the capsule and astronauts and the other to bring up the supplies they will need. Marry the two in space, say at a shuttle port and then use the moon as a sling shot to Mars. Slightly more complex but a more sensible design."
Noah looked keenly at his son. He was impressed at what he saw. His son was dedicated to space and all things space: and was self-evident by the way he spoke. Jeff was a hands-on sort of guy rather than a paper-pusher who are always saying, "It costs too much." Or "Can't you think of a cheaper way to do it?"
Jeff continued, "I guess it is all the outside stuff that bothers me. The pressure to prove the Orbiters are cost effective. The Orbiters can make space flight a non-event. The politicians asking the impossible with one hand and taking away money with the other. Expecting it to be a commercial success while there is no commercial competition. You know we run a lean operation on one shoestring because someone stole the other." The joke missed Noah completely which did not bother Jeff one bit. Noah was not known for seeing subtle jokes while Allie loved subtle, double and triple meaning jokes. More than jokes Allie loved words. Besides onomatopœias there were Spoonerisms, Malapropisms and puns. Pulling a punny on Allie was always a challenge since she was so fast on the retort.
When the children hit their teenage years things got verbally rambunctious with plenty barbs flying thick and fast from child to child as they went from room to room. The simple kindergarten word play now stood them in good stead as fast firing teenagers who knew how biting word could be. It was more the girls as they tended to borrow one-an-other's clothes, shoes, socks, make-up… and on and on. Fortunately boyfriends never made the list. As good as Allie was, being an only child did not prepare her for four verbally active children. It usually fell on Allie to straighten the kids out as she had such a good command of the English language and had a loud voice.
"It sounds like you have done some thinking son."
"Not much else going on at NASA."
"Don't get caught with grass growing about your feet…"
Jeff laughed at his father's analogous warning, "No chance of that. Too much to do."
"Good. It's good to be busy. Did I tell you of my next project? I would like to build an arbor over there," Noah indicated the location by waving his had, "not too far from the house. Sort of a comfy retreat."
"What about the porch?"
"Ah, good point son. The porch will always be the focal point. I was thinking of the arbor as a second location." Jeff looked back and forward between the locations. He was not sold on the arbor idea. The porch held too many memories ever to be replaced. Also it was a short step from being inside when it rained and everyone knew how Noah liked staying out on the porch right up to the last minute when the deluge and lighting made it unsafe to be outside.
The visit lasted several days. Noah and Allie were glad to have Jeff and his family stay as they saw so little of each them. As a parting gift Allie handed Debbie a sketch of her family. Debbie was stunned at how well Allie had captured her and Jeff. Then she noticed the three kids in the background climbing and hanging on live oak trees. Then she noticed the house in the background. Allie brushed it off as something quick and easy. The sketch became a prized possession which Debbie had professionally mounted and framed.
Jeff stayed at Marshall. He managed to move over to the Constellation program as he knew the Orbiters were old news and even older technology. He wanted to be positioned for life after the Orbiters. Jeff managed to work on the J-2X. Some of his responsibilities were to visit museums and search for Apollo-era documentation while others consulted with engineers who worked on the Apollo program. NASA had failed to capture the nuances of Apollo in the rush to shut down the program after Apollo 17 and the transition to the shuttle.
Of all the regrets Jeff had was moving away from North Carolina and his family. At first the regret was small as he was only at school with a wide open future. When Debbie arrived on the scene, things did not change. His options became, of course, narrower and narrower as he progressed from BS to MS and finally PhD. Aside from teaching, which he did not want to do. All Jeff could think of was "Pesky students who did not study hard enough." With his doctorate in hand, the options to stay close to his family really did not exist. Nor were there anything remotely interesting in New Orleans to apply for. Marshall was his one and only job offer. With such slim pickings the choice was obvious as he had the responsibility to look after and provide for a growing family. Then there were his rather substantial collage loans to pay off.
When they moved to the Marshall Space Flight Center, Huntsville in North Alabama the long and lazy trips home during school holidays ended. Allie particularly liked having another woman in the house to chat to. Allie made sure she worked her painting assignments around these trips home so she had more time to spend and watch the expanding family grow. And was sad when Debbie packed up the family and headed home to her family and allow her children to experience both sets of grandparents.
Most of the trips were taken without Jeff as he was too busy with work. Debbie had chided Jeff about putting work first all the time but never pressed the point too hard. She knew he was providing for the family in such a way that he could afford to have her stay at home and look after the family. As nice as this sounded there were many times that Jeff would walk in the door to find Debbie standing there ready to walk out. She would take off for a while, just to get away from the children. As much as she loved them the children could be overwhelming. A one hour break was all she needed and Jeff picked up the slack.
Somehow Jeff could get one child on his knee, another round his neck while reading some manual and absorbing what he was reading.
The long and lonely drive home was difficult to make. Staying awake was not a problem. The problem was the regrets running through his mind. The regret for not coming home more often from college. The big regret for not having a proper wedding. That nail was driven home all the more by his father and mother's recent rededication of their marriage vows. He could clearly read that regret in Debbie's face. The question circling his thoughts was, was he man enough to have a proper marriage and invite everyone to it? The regret of always putting work before trips that Debbie would make going home. And finally the regret of not calling home more often.
It was never clear to Debbie why her husband did not make more use of the telephone to keep in touch with his parents. She was a constant user. She would call home to chat to her mother while cooking to make sure she got it just right. Then there was her father, brothers and sisters. At every wedding or funeral she missed meant a long chat to make up for the missed family gathering. Many was the time Jeff commented it would have been cheaper to go rather than spend all that money on telephone calls. Debbie ignored the comment and kept in close touch with her family.
The saying, 'An opportunity lost is regret to carry for the rest of your life.' Hung heavy on Jeff as he pulled into the Creekside Extended Care Facility parking lot the next day. It had been a long and horrid drive. It showed in his face when he walked in and over to where the rest of the family had gathered.
They were all there, Jane and Wilson, David and Lynn, Kate and Grayson. After the hugs came the question, "How's Pop doing?"
Jane took the lead, "It's not looking good. We have a meeting with the doctor but held off until you arrived. We knew you'd want to be there." Jane was standing close to her brother and could see sadness and despondency in the eyes. It was then it all came together in a huge rush of Futility. Jeff pulled his sister toward him and started to cry. It was not a loud and gut wrenching sob, few men do that. It was the cry of a son watching the hourglass running empty on his earthly father. It was the cry of lost regrets, never to be fulfilled or repaid. It was the cry of words of love and thankfulness not said.