A/N/:
I have a million deadlines looming, so of course I'm updating for the third time in less than 48 hours!
A few things:
1) I posted a short little outtake that takes place between last chapter and this. You can read that over on my ao3 page, under "Aithusa." (There's a link to my ao3 on my profile page.)
2) If there are any other outtakes or little scenes you'd like to see that I haven't written, let me know either in the comments or in my tumblr inbox and I might write a little ficlet.
3) Angst is underway, so I think this is a good time to quote Nietzsche:
"What if pleasure and pain are so closely connected that he who wants the greatest possible amount of the one must also have the greatest possible amount of the other, that he who wants to experience the 'heavenly high jubilation' must also be ready to be 'sorrowful unto death'?"
(Point being angst/fluff ratio.)
4) I'm going to add two chapters to the fic, before and after chapter two, at some point in the near future for the sake of narrative continuity, so if anything weird happens with updates and chapter counts, that'll be why.
She decides to ignore Morgause. At least at first. Spending time with Arthur and Gwen and Merlin proves to be everything she wanted it to be and more. The three of them strike up an immediate friendship, and surrounded by the three people she loves most, Morgana feels happier and more secure than she has in months.
Two days fly by as they enjoy their time at the cottage. Merlin builds them a campfire on the beach, and they find themselves spending most of their days outside, sitting on layers of woollen blankets. Arthur stops shrieking every time Aithusa wanders into the room, and Morgana finally catches up with Gwen.
Everything is exactly the way she wants it to be, and she doesn't think that it can possibly get any better.
It's on their third night at the cottage that Arthur begins to question Merlin and Morgana.
"When exactly did you two meet, again?" Arthur asks, narrowing his eyes at Merlin and Morgana as they sit glued to each other's side in the living room.
"About three months ago?" Morgana answers.
"More like four?" Merlin suggests.
"Yes, but you spent that first month driving me mad and I spent it pretending that you didn't exist."
Morgana smirks and Merlin beams back at her, making Arthur and Gwen fade from the room until Arthur clears his throat and begins to shake his head.
"This is exactly what I mean."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're oddly close for having known each other for so little time." Arthur narrows his eyes as he speaks, "You aren't pregnant are you?"
Merlin begins to choke, coughing on the wine he'd been in the middle of drinking, and Morgana widens her eyes at her brother.
"What?! No! Jesus, Arthur."
"I'm sorry! It's just impressive is all."
"They're just in love, Arthur," Gwen explains, eyebrows raised and clearly amused by her husband's bafflement.
"Well I can clearly see that."
"It was different for you and Gwen," Morgana says. "You met when you were kids and it took you years to get together."
"You're right." Arthur concedes and turns towards Merlin who is only just catching his breath. "I'm sorry, mate."
Morgana rolls her eyes and pats Merlin on the arm. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I just wasn't expecting that."
Morgana nods. "You'll learn to expect anything with Arthur around."
"Don't worry," Gwen says, handing Merlin a glass of water. "It took me a while to get used to these two, and I'm not even an only child."
Gwen's tone dips as she speaks, and Morgana frowns. "Speaking of which, have you heard from Elyan lately?"
Gwen shakes her head. "He called after Dad died, but that was it. I don't even know where he is." She sounds dejected as she shares the news and gasps. "Oh, Morgana! I'm so sorry. I didn't even think of it that way. I can't believe we did the same thing to you."
"It's in the past now, Gwen. Don't worry."
"Still!" Gwen says and steps over to hug her best friend.
Morgana squeezes her tightly and, pulling back, adds, "I'm just glad we're all here together."
"Do you think we should get married?" Morgana whispers.
It's late at night, and they're laid out in bed, spent and exhausted, sheets tangled at their feet. Merlin is partly draped over her, head resting on her stomach, and she has her fingers knotted in his hair.
Merlin shifts and moves to lie down besides her, leaning on his elbow to be able to face her. "Is this because of what Arthur said?"
"Maybe?" She breathes heavily, thinking of the dreams she's been having since his return from Dublin. "Not really?" She reaches up to stroke his cheek and shivers as the sides of her fingers catch on his day-old stubble. "I've been having dreams for the last few nights."
Merlin frowns and catches the hand at his cheek to knot their fingers together. "But you've been sleeping through the night."
"They've been nice dreams," she amends. She smiles, looking away from his eyes, suddenly shy. She wants to share what she's seen with him, but she's still afraid she's fallen deeper than Merlin. "Very nice dreams." She focuses on his mouth as she begins, but forces herself to turn back to his gaze and watch his reaction as she continues, "I see us together in different ways. Like this, and years down the line. We get married and," she pauses and her breath catches as Merlin's eyes light up at what she tells him. "We have a daughter. She's tiny, but she has these chubby cheeks and your eyes, and I know it's early – so, so early – but I want all of it. I want everything with you, Merlin, and I don't want to scare you –"
Merlin cuts her off, capturing her lips with his, and kisses her as deeply as he can.
She's breathless when he pulls away, but she beams up at him. "You aren't scared?"
"How can I be scared when you've described everything that I want?"
"Really?"
"Really. I'd marry you tomorrow, Morgana."
"You don't think it's crazy?"
"No, I don't. Actually," he begins and slips out of bed, pulling his discarded boxers back on. He goes to his duffle bag and digs through his own pile of books. "Mum gave me this when I was home. I wouldn't shut up about you and she said she wouldn't be surprised if I needed this sooner than I realized."
Morgana's breath hitches as Merlin pulls a small but elegant ring out of a pouch, everything suddenly so much more real. "Your mum's?"
Merlin nods. "It's been in the family for generations. I know it isn't as elaborate as what someone else might be able to give you, but –"
"Merlin, it's beautiful."
Merlin breathes out a sigh of relief. "Does this mean we're engaged?"
A smile spreads across her face, and Morgana feels tears pooling in her eyes. "It will once you put the ring on my finger."
Merlin beams and, trembling, places a kiss against her lips and takes her left hand into his. He runs his thumb over her ring finger and brings it to his lips. "Will you marry me, Morgana?"
"Merlin."
He quirks his brow and his head to the side and his smile spreads further across his face. "Morgana."
"Of course I'll marry you."
She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him soundly before allowing him to pull away to slip the ring onto her finger.
They spend the rest of the night wrapped up in each other and, exhausted, they sleep until noon. They can barely keep their hands off of each other as they dress, and Morgana feels as if her heart is about to burst as she helps Merlin button up his cardigan and her ring catches against the woollen material.
She doubts they'll make it through breakfast before giving themselves away, and she's ready to tell Arthur and Gwen as soon as they step into the kitchen and find them seated at the island counter. It's only when she registers their ashen faces and the tears in Gwen's eyes that her own smile fades away.
"What's happened?"
Gwen looks up and opens her mouth to speak, but Arthur gets there first. "What did you do, Morgana?"
Her stomach drops at the venom in his voice, and Merlin tightens his grip on her hand. "What do you mean? I haven't done anything."
Arthur scoffs and turns his laptop around so she can see the article on the screen.
Pendragon Heir Tears Down Father-in-Law for Profit
He scrolls from one page to another, displaying similar headlines.
Morgana's eyes widen at the selection, and her breathing quickens. "I would never do something like that, Arthur."
"It's all over the media. Every paper. Every outlet. It's even trending on Twitter, for God's sake, Morgana!"
"I can't believe you think I would be behind such a thing!"
"Well who else would?"
"Lots of people! I know this used to be hard for you to see, but Uther has enemies, Arthur. Hell, Uther would do this before I would."
"You're the one who's friends with Morgause. You sent her those papers the other day."
"Yes, to bring Uther to justice, not to slander my little brother!"
"Well how are we to know that? You didn't even show us the documents before you sent them off!"
"You agreed, Arthur. Gwen agreed. I never would do anything to hurt either of you. You should know that."
"I thought I did."
"Arthur!" Gwen steps in. "You can't honestly believe she did this on purpose."
"I don't know what to believe anymore. I trusted you, Morgana. I thought you were doing what was best for the family, but you were obviously only looking out for yourself."
"That isn't fair, Arthur," Merlin intervenes, voice biting with anger. "She's had your best interest at heart with every single thing she's done. The entire reason we're here is because she didn't want to do anything without consulting with you first."
"You stay out of this," Arthur barks. "You know nothing about any of this."
"Merlin knows as much as any of us do, Arthur."
"Because you obviously don't know when to keep your mouth shut, Morgana. You got us into this, and now I need to get us out of it.
"Don't speak to her that way!"
Arthur steps forward, angrier than Morgana's ever seen him, and she steps in front of Merlin.
"That's enough, Arthur! I swear to you I didn't say anything about you to Morgause, but I'll take care of this."
"You'd better."
"I will, and you'd better apologize to me when this is over."
Arthur scoffs and walks over to the window, turning his back to them. Gwen gives Morgana an apologetic look, but Morgana shakes her head and walks out of the room.
She keeps her composure until she's well out of Arthur and Gwen's earshot, and she races out of the house instead of up to her room. Footsteps echo behind her, and she knows Merlin is following her, so she stops, waiting where the path curves before turning into steps that wind down the side of the cliff.
She tells him she needs to be alone for a bit when he catches up to her, and Merlin nods.
"I'll be here when you're ready."
"Thank you."
Merlin nods and kisses her on the forehead before turning around and heading back to the house.
Halfway down the cliff, she stops and sits, leaning against the step behind her. It's dangerous to stop so far off the ground, and she knows it, but the thrill gives her strength, and she watches the beach down below. The campfire sits near the edge of the water, along with a discarded blanket, and she thinks back to the day before when the four of them had spent the afternoon by the water, chatting and working on their respective projects, books and laptops in hand.
She'd give anything to go back, to skip forward past the drama, to regain her brother's trust.
She's furious at Arthur, furious at the thought that she might have done something to hurt him, against her will, against her wishes.
She digs into her pocket and pulls out her phone, dialling the number she hates to get to Morgause.
The phone rings and rings, and she's about to give up before it goes to voicemail when Morgause picks up in a tone that's much too cheery to bode well for any of them.
"Morgana, darling! How are you?"
"Terrible. What did you do?"
"What you asked me to! Did you see the article? It's spawned quite a few others. It's all over the city."
"I saw enough. I don't recall telling you to go after my brother."
"It was too good not to."
"So you lied?! Slander is against the law, Morgause."
Morgause laughs into the phone, and Morgana understands why it is that none of her friends like her. "I didn't lie, darling. Everything was in the documents you gave me."
"There was nothing about Arthur in there."
"Oh, yes there was. Didn't you read the fine print? I suggest you look at the bottom of page six. Honestly, this is why you didn't last in Law."
"I didn't last in Law because I didn't want to spend the rest of my life making other people miserable."
"So precious. Remember what I said the other night, Morgana. This story isn't going to go away anytime soon. Let me know if you find anything more."
Morgause hangs up before she can say anything more, and growling, Morgana resists throwing her phone over the ledge.
Standing, she takes a moment to make sure her step is steady and makes her way down the rest of the stairs, ready to walk off her anger before going back indoors to investigate.
The anger doesn't leave her no matter how far she walks or runs. She only feels it grow as the wind bites at her, and she knows she's going to make herself sick if she doesn't turn around. She'd left her coat and her scarf behind, and no matter how thick her jumper is, it's no match for the early spring air.
Still, she doesn't want to go back indoors, to face Arthur or Gwen or her mistakes and pulls out her phone.
Can you please grab the red portfolio on my desk, my green scarf, and Aithusa and meet me by the car? xx
They drive for almost twenty minutes before they get to the next town. Morgana races along the roads, and Merlin quietly lets her while Aithusa meows from her carrier in the backseat. The speed calms her, and she's almost okay by the time they pull up next to one of her favourite cafés.
Merlin hadn't gone back into the kitchen after the fight, and they're both caffeine-deprived and famished. They order giant lattes and pancakes, and they pretend for just a moment that it's just the morning after they've gotten engaged and not the beginning of a terrible drama that threatens to rip Morgana's family even further apart.
They plan to go to Dublin over Easter so Morgana can get to know Hunith and talk about Merlin moving into the penthouse when they get back to London.
"Gaius is going to lose it."
Morgana smiles into her cup of coffee and puts it down, savouring her coffee. "I think he's seen this coming for a while."
Merlin laughs. "I think we're the only ones who didn't."
"I think you're right."
They walk around town afterwards, hands linked, until they get to the edge of town. They make it out to a pier and listen to the waves lapping against the wooden pillars.
The sound reminds her of childhood outings with Gorlois and later with Arthur and one of their many nannies, and determination mixes with her anger, and she decides she's ready to investigate.
They get takeaway cups of coffee and Morgana lets Merlin drive further out of town until they get to an area near where they'd picnicked a few days earlier. They park the car and sit inside to flip through the pages of documents that Morgana had sent off to Morgause.
Every page points to Uther, every page stands by her, until Arthur's miniscule signature appears on the sixth page and sends doubt crashing through her.
"He's involved," she breathes and hands the papers to Merlin.
"You don't think he had something to do with it?"
"No, but he signed this. He would have signed anything Uther handed to him." She groans and closes the portfolio. "I handed him over to the wolves."
"You didn't do it on purpose, Morgana."
"No, and I'm sure he didn't sign this on purpose, but he did, and I did. I should have read through it a second time. I don't even know how I missed the signature the first time."
"It's barely legible, and his name isn't printed."
"He's my brother, though. I should have seen it. What do I do, Merlin?"
"Can you deny that it's his signature? If you didn't see it, others might not recognize it? It does look like a scribble"
"Maybe? But I doubt it?"
Merlin sighs. "Do you want to drive back?"
"I think it would be best. Arthur should at least know before I do anything else."
Merlin nods and starts the car.
Arthur reacts as badly as she expects him to, and they spend the afternoon on the phone with their lawyers, looking for ways to spare Arthur, but the news goes viral and nothing they do will change the fact that his name is being spread across the country.
"I'm so sorry, Arthur."
"It wasn't your fault, Morgana," Gwen insists, but the venom remains in Arthur's glare, and she knows he won't easily come around.
"Sorry doesn't help, Morgana."
"Fine. If you feel that way, Merlin and I will leave in the morning, and you can come home when you're ready to help me set this right."
Arthur huffs, and Morgana retreats to her bedroom.
Angry and exhausted, no one feels like cooking, and Merlin decides to drive back to town to get takeaway from the local pub.
Unable to relax in his absence, Morgana's last nightmares come rushing back to her and tears burn in her eyes as she remembers the visions where she sentences Arthur to death and rips Gwen's life apart. The pain of what she's actually done accentuates the memories, and she curses herself for not being more careful.
She tries to set her mind to her thesis, to the books she's brought with her, but nothing manages to distract her until she reaches for the volume of her mother's journal that she'd stuck into her bag and begins to read.