Fall of the Nicktoons! The only things that update with less frequency are glacial drift and Over the Hills and Far Away!
Chapter Three: Breaking and Entering
Amity Park City Hall was a lot better secured than it had been before the Warlord's invasion. Armed guards from the Guys in White patrolled the perimeter – a utility vehicle was parked outside the front steps. The local GiW commander – Operative X – was adamant that nobody, human or ghost, would ever be able to break in.
He'd forgotten to put anyone on the roof.
The Majestic agent that met the Nicktoons on the roof was a short woman in her thirties, her black hair styled in a bob that echoed the hairdos of old 1950s B-movies, but her face was the epitome of serious. She crossed her arms and stared harshly at the group through her shades.
"Well, you're inviting," grunted Timmy.
"Save me the lip, Mr. Turner," snapped the woman, "We've got business to attend to."
She pointed to a roof access point just behind her.
"In there," she said, "There's vent access to the entire building. We need you to find Masters' shipment and work out where his meeting is taking place. I don't care how you do it, but get it done. Mr. Neutron, meet me outside Casper High when you're done."
"We'll get it done, Agent Epsilon," said Jimmy, nodding.
"You'd better," replied Epsilon, "A lot's riding on this."
"Isn't it always?" shrugged Dani, "Come on, let's do this."
The group walked towards the roof access point. As they did so, Timmy could not shake the feeling that something was going terribly wrong.
Something was going terribly wrong.
Dib could feel it as he sat in the back of the bus – a deep sense of wrongness in the world around him. It were as if he was waiting for an unspeakably gigantic catastrophe, powerless to do anything as it slowly approached...
He opened his laptop for the umpteenth time, quickly tying a message into SEN's message system.
What do I do when I get there?
The reply from Darkbootie came very quickly.
500y NE Dimmsdale Flatts. Bug Catcher Div cache. Password 'CHR0N0MANC3R'.
Dib nodded, closing the laptop and looking out the window. The desert passed by outside, quiet, desolate and eternal.
Vlad Masters sat at his desk, his arms crossed as he waited. The door to his office was locked and the security cameras were shut down.
"Where is she?" he sighed to himself.
He didn't hear the slight rattle from the vent above – or if he did, he didn't show it.
Up above, Jimmy and Jenny crouched over the vent grate, looking down into the office. Jimmy had produced a small tape-recorder and had put it down by the grate.
Quite suddenly, there was a flash of light. When it vanished, Queen Vexus was standing in the office.
"Vexus," hissed Jenny.
Jimmy shushed her.
"Ah, Vexus," said Vlad, his tone light, "Sorry to pull you from what I'm sure was a pressing matter, but I'm afraid we have work to do."
"Masters," sneered Vexus, "This had better be good."
"I assure you, it is," nodded Vlad, "He's done it."
There was a long silence.
"Well you're going to have to be a bit more specific," snapped Vexus.
"The Portal is open, Vexus," said Vlad.
There was a long silence.
"So it's time," nodded Vexus.
"We'll meet the Professor up north," added Vlad, "We'll all get what we want soon enough – I'll have Daniel, you'll have Jennifer."
"Creep," whispered Jenny.
Spongebob and Dani were in another vent, not far away. Below them, Plankton and Crocker were loading crates into a truck in the underground parking lot. To be more precise, Crocker was loading crates while Plankton was providing moral support.
"Ugh!" demanded Plankton, "Why do we even have to do this?"
"Syndicate business," replied Crocker, "If moving boxes gets me closer to the FAIRES!, then who am I to complain?"
"More like menial labour," said Plankton, "I mean, come on! Vlad's allowed to look in the boxes! Vexus' allowed to look in the box! Why can't we?"
"What about Calamitous?" asked Crocker.
"Well, he's the one we're sending these to," replied Plankton, "That's what Vlad says, anyway."
There was a brief silence.
"You ever get sick of all this, Crocker?" asked Plankton.
"Yeah," shrugged Crocker, "But I keep going for the vindication. It has to come eventually!"
"Uh-huh," said Plankton, unconvinced, "Just keep packing boxes, Crock-pot."
Timmy back flipped out of the vent, flubbing the landing and falling on his back. He quickly recovered, walking over to one of the safes in the vault room. The single Guy in White guarding the room was asleep in his chair – he did not stir.
"Alright, we're gonna have to be subtle, guys," he said.
He clicked his fingers.
"Cosmo, I'm gonna need a drill."
"Coming right up!"
There was a poof and a green drill appeared in Timmy's hands. Next to him, Wanda and Poof appeared.
"You sure this is a good idea, sport?" asked Wanda, "I mean, there's a guard right..."
"GiW."
"Good point," nodded Wanda.
Timmy began to drill at the lock. Despite the racket, the GiW operative didn't even respond.
After about a minute, the lock broke open. Timmy opened the safe, expecting to find a document explaining Vlad's destination for tomorrow – instead he found a small, handwritten note. He tilted his head.
"What?"
He took the note and looked over it.
To the reader,
As it turns out, the safest place to hide this from Masters is right under his nose.
Listen carefully. There is a conspiracy running through all echelons of American society, and they are getting dangerously close to achieving their objectives. If you want to know the truth, go to Site 618, near Dimmsdale, California. You'll find what you need.
DO NOT TRUST MAJESTIC-12.
D. F.
"DF?" quizzed Wanda, "Maybe Danny Fenton? Nah, couldn't be..."
"I think it's Dakota Fanning," said Cosmo.
"Cosmo, why would it possibly be..."
"Dorian Fletcher," said Timmy, his eyes wide, "He wrote this."
He looked down at the note again, turning it over to reveal a map. He nodded and turned to his fairies.
"We go there tonight."
"...remember," finished Vlad, "We'll meet at the compound at 1818 hours tomorrow night. Disguise yourself well. Once we're all together, the Professor will go over the plan."
Vexus nodded, crossing her arms.
"And what of our...friends?" she near spat.
"I will deal with our dear friends Mr. Crocker and Plankton myself," replied Vlad, "It is imperative that they do not become involved in the proceedings."
"And why's it so important that we cut them out, Masters?" demanded Vexus.
"Well, I've never liked Plankton," shrugged Vlad, "Not since that Planktopolis stunt. Plus he got dangerously close to the Squarepants idiot during that whole apocalypse business."
"And Crocker?"
"If we told Denzel Crocker what we were doing, the entirety of Dimmsdale would find out in an afternoon," said Vlad, "Subtlety and Crocker do not mix."
Vexus nodded.
"Well then," she declared, "If that's all, I have things to get ready. Until tomorrow, Masters."
There was another flash and she was gone.
"...I must ask Finbarr to make those new teleporters less conspicuous," muttered Vlad, getting up from his desk, "Well, I'd best get to work."
He walked over to the door. He put his hand on the knob, stopped, and turned around.
"Almost forgot."
He aimed his hand at the vent and fired an ectoblast. With a crash, the grate fell – down with it came Jimmy and Jenny.
"Tell me," demanded Vlad, shifting into his Plasmius form, "What exactly are you doing in my vent?"
Far away from Amity Park and Dimmsdale, a boy sat against a pillar, gazing up at the ceiling of the subterranean lair. Across from him, his sole companion stood over an open fire, holding a frying pan full of bacon over it. Apart from the crackle of flames, everything was a deathly quiet.
The boy was lost in his thoughts and feelings, trying to compartmentalise everything that had happened to him. He had been betrayed, betrayed when the very fate of the world stood in the balance – by his own flesh and blood, no less! Everything he'd ever known about this place had been turned on his head, and he had no idea where to go from here.
As if to break the silence, the man with the frying pan spoke up.
"Okay dude, I've never done this before, but I think I can..."
His hand slipped, and the bacon fell into the fire. There was a somewhat disappointed hiss.
The man stared into the fire for a second. Eventually, he shrugged.
"Pizza it is," he declared.
The boy didn't even respond as his companion walked away to find dinner, continuing to stare at the ceiling. Finally getting bored of the brickwork above him, he looked down again, gazing at a small envelope in his hands. He had found it on his doorstep after the Event (or at least what remained of it), but he'd had no idea who could have delivered it.
On the front, there was a short and simple message.
Enclosed is an invitation to join the Swollen Eyeball Network.
AN: And this is about the point where anyone who knows the subject matter of the mystery crossover (or the verbal tics of a certain character) now knows what it is.
If you do get it however, please keep it under your hats. The official reveal will come soon enough...