PSA: When I say 'first floor' at the start of this chapter, I mean the British first floor, which is equal to the American second floor.
This convention will hold any time floors are mentioned anywhere in this fic.
PSA 2: The previous chapter has been updated to include information that I just realized I forgot to mention. It's not that much (only twenty-ish words), but they reflect Kakashi's interest in everything not shinobi. That is, he allowed himself to form opinions based on years-old information (words added after the mention of 'the Civilian Council loved the 'last Uchiha').
In this chapter: a little slice of normality in the abnormal life of our protagonist, a competent Kakashi-sensei, and... Enter, Mitarashi Anko!
Updated 2015-Jan-31 to include things I forgot.
Child of the Fox
The village of Konoha was, on the whole, a quiet village. If one ignored the cries of Youth from two of the more eccentric shinobi, one could say that Konoha was downright idyllic, especially considering the fact that Konoha was a shinobi village.
The house hidden in a cave behind the waterfall in one of the numerous training grounds of Konoha was little different. There were plants, even if they weren't exactly recognizable to humans that hadn't visited any of the five other landmasses. There was a house built in traditional Japanese architecture, complete with its own training ground, underground explosion-proof bunker - though it was meant to contain explosions, rather than keep them out -, and provided with outside light through the magic of fuuinjutsu.
The tranquillity of this cavern was not to last in the morning hours of this fine spring day as a figure inside the house left the breakfast fish on the grill and filled a bucket with ice-cold water, before whistling a merry tune as she ascended the stairs to the first floor, careful not to spill any of the contents of the aforementioned bucket.
She opened one particular door at the top of the stairs and stepped inside and nearly cooed when she saw the adorable curled-up form of her son on top of the sheets, clutching one of the plushies she had bought twelve years ago before in preparation for her son being born. She wasn't exactly sure what it meant that he preferred the nine-tailed fox that closely resembled her full vulpine form, but chose not to dwell on its implications.
An evil grin appeared on her face as she shifted her grip on the bucket, readying herself to throw its contents over his form.
"RISE AND SHINE, MUSUKO-KUN!" she yelled before throwing the bucket of ice-cold water over her son's awakening body.
"What the hell, kaa-chan?" Naruto said sleepily while his brain was booting itself. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and glared at his laughing mother.
"Being woken up with a bucket of ice water is practically an Uzumaki tradition, musuko-kun," she said brightly as she threw him a towel. "Breakfast will be ready in ten."
She walked out of the room and closed the door before breathing a sigh of relief and continuing on to the kitchen. Her son's pheromones were subtle, but they were very clearly present to her nose. Granted, it was because she was a Kitsune and he was a young unmated Kitsune – even if only half, it was enough – that she was so affected, but if he turned seventeen and still had no mates, then the pheromones would ramp up to affect every species of girl, not just Kitsune. Not that she would let it go that far.
She fully intended her son to have at least two Kitsune mates before he reached his seventeenth.
He had more healing to do, however. Right now Naruto-kun was not ready for the full Kitsune experience, though she resolved to have him be somewhat trained to resist seduction before he left the village on his first C-rank in a month or two, according to Kakashi's planned schedule. Demons roaming free were not exactly common, but far from rare, and she would not put it past a young Kitsune girl – the Neko kept to Kaminari no Kuni, the Tanuki kept to Kaze no Kuni, and the other six were predominantly male so kept their females well within clan borders – to manipulate things so that he gave her a mating mark in the heat of the moment, as Kitsune males – half or otherwise – were very possessive of their mates regardless of how they became involved with them and his almost inevitable nine tails would grant any female a significant amount of protection from harm. The only real danger of getting a mate when he wasn't ready for it would be the first, which could be given on instinct before it stabilized the more primal instincts of the male Kitsune mind, loosening the hold instinct had over the creation of mating bonds.
In fact, tricking a Kitsune male into giving away their first mating bond was almost applauded since they were foxes when all was said and done. However, once the mating bond was in place the Kitsune in question – at least the female, due to their limited masculine numbers – was compelled to remain loyal to the bond to the point of it being a biological imperative. A bond was a promise, though the details differed depending on gender, and the relationship between Kitsune and promises of any kind was one of the few things the various legends got consistently right. In the meantime, she would train him to resist seduction.
It wouldn't outright eliminate Naruto getting a mate he wasn't ready for, but seduction resistance training would help him in avoiding situations where he was at risk of getting such.
Ten minutes after she had left his room, Naruto dragged himself into the kitchen and sat himself down at the kitchen table they had reserved for breakfast, his hair dishevelled and his shirt on backwards. She giggled, and he turned a stink eye in her direction that caused her to giggle even more. Her son was not a morning person at all. "So, excited for today, musuko-kun?" she asked. "I mean, it is your first day as a genin after all."
"Hell yeah I am!" Naruto yelled excitedly, his fatigue forgotten by the prospect of actually being a genin!
"That's good," she said while scratching his head with one of her tails in a manner similar to a human parent ruffling their child's hair. "Keep up the enthusiasm, you're going to need it."
"Mom!" he exclaimed with a blush, swiping at the tail with one of his own. "I'm not three anymore!"
"I know, musuko-kun," she said without stopping, accidentally capturing his tail with her own. A blush threatened to appear on her face, oh if only you knew what this meant in Kitsune society, Naruto-kun, she thought like a hormonal teenager. That reminds me, I need to start those lessons too. He's practically going to be the Kitsune-taichō under Inari-Sōtaichō and he needs to be ready for the duties that come with that office. "But I've got more than twelve years to catch up on so deal with it."
Naruto threw up a minor illusion of a pouting face, supplemented by his own attempt at the Kit Eyes, the Kitsune equivalent of the well-known Puppy Dog Eyes, to much the same effect. It was, in truth, the exact same thing but the Kitsune and the Inu clans did not get along, so they made their own technique to accomplish the feat.
Sometimes, Kushina thought, it is funny that the Kitsune – who are technically canine – get along better with the feline clans than other canine, with the exception of the wolves and jackals.
While he may have been outwardly protesting, inside his mind Naruto was practically dancing with joy that there was someone that cared for him. It had been two weeks and change since he had first met his mother, but moments like this never got old. Moments like this made him realize that this was what a normal family was like all the time.
"What can you tell me about Kakashi-sensei, kaa-chan?" he asked curiously.
Kushina hummed thoughtfully as she placed breakfast on the table. Nothing really special, just rice and grilled fish, only unique in the fact that there was a lot of it. "Most of his life is his own to tell, musuko-kun," she chided gently. "But the man is an unapologetic pervert, is fond of Maito Gai despite what everyone else thinks and whatever he says, and is quite possibly the single-most skilled ninja in the village that isn't the Hokage. And he's lazy, I guess, but you already knew that from when he was teaching you for a year in the Academy."
"I did," he confirmed as he broke apart two chopsticks. "Itadakimasu."
"Itadakimasu," she said in return. For the next several minutes they ate while making only a little small talk, each savouring the taste and scent of the meal. Eventually, Naruto grabbed the last bit of fish in his chopsticks and was absently bringing it to his mouth when his chopsticks' journey to his mouth was halted. He broke out of his food-induced reverie and looked at the fish.
Two wooden chopsticks that didn't connect to his hands had grabbed the fish and were pulling it away from him. "I don't think so, Naruto-kun," his mother said with a Glare.
He returned the glare as best he could, but failed to meet his mother's level. Quite understandable really, he was having a glaring contest with someone who had a literal century of life on him.
Instead he growled, and an inquisitive part of his mind noted the odd scent that appeared shortly after he did so. It was a pleasing scent, strong traces of pineapple and other sources he couldn't readily identify.
"I'm not giving my fish up that easily, kaa-chan," he half-snarled, and a playfully vicious grin appeared on his mother's face.
"Bring it, musuko-kun."
Their play-fight for the last scrap of breakfast lasted for all of fifteen seconds when a loud ring filled the air. Four eyes turned to the one who had dared interfere with long-delayed mother-son bonding.
07:45
"Gotta go kaa-chan!" Naruto said hurriedly as he swiftly snatched the fish out of his mother's chopsticks and wolfed it down before jumping up and sprinting away, applying an illusion to hide his tails and ears as he ran.
"See you later, Naruto-kun!" she yelled after his retreating back. When she felt he had passed the waterfall she slumped down with a sigh.
"His pheromones truly are nothing to sneeze at," she muttered with a groan. "I've gotta change panties and I have fifteen minutes to do so and make myself sort-of presentable before Hiashi. Good thing I don't exactly have to physically apply make-up like most others do, but make-up illusions are always a pain. So many little details to balance, rather than just ensure that they're there."
Releasing another sigh, she stood up to change clothing.
– – – –
Naruto entered the clearing ten minutes after he sprinted out of the kitchen and frowned. His two teammates were already gathered. Since it was 0755, that was not entirely out of line with expectations, especially given their sensei saying 'early is on time, on time is late, and late is dead' two days ago. No, his frown was not because of the presence of his two teammates.
It was because sensei was already there as well. He put his hands in a Ram seal and briefly pulsed his chakra. When the chakra washed over the form of his sensei and said form did not waver, he figured that it had to be a very good genjutsu. He swiftly palmed a kunai and prepared to give himself a shallow cut along the palm. Pain was the most crude, but also the most effective way to dispel genjutsu.
That did not change when dealing with Kitsune illusions cast on the mind. Illusions on the world and self – that is, body – adhered to different rules.
"Maa, maa," Kakashi-sensei said in a calming voice. "There's no need to get so drastic, Naruto. By the way, your shirt is on backwards."
Naruto looked at his shirt and cursed softly, but resolutely turned his attention back to his sensei after he had swiftly fixed his shirt and turned a stink eye to his sensei. "Then who are you?" he asked accusingly. "The Kakashi-sensei I know would never be less than an hour late, let alone five minutes early."
Kakashi-sensei grimaced unseen beneath his mask. "Hokage-sama's orders," he said curtly. "Now, lets get to training, shall we?"
The three genin nodded. "The first week we will train from 0730 to 1300, at which point we will do one or two missions and have lunch before returning to the training field until 2000, at which point you will return home. The only exception is today since I've got paperwork to do regarding this team, so we'll stop at 1800 instead. This first week I will be supplying bentos to the three of you for lunch and send you home with strict dietary requirements. Fail to adhere to these requirements and I will know, and you will. Not. Like. It," Kakashi-sensei said and Sakura gulped from the threat in his voice at the end. Last Naruto heard she was still dieting in an attempt to stay thin to attract the romantic favour of Sasuke-teme and Kakashi, like all shinobi male and female chuunin and higher, felt dieting was a ridiculous waste of time. If you were gaining weight eating however much you wanted, as long as you ensured that you took in enough of everything necessary, then you were not training hard enough. Only time would tell if Sakura would get the message.
"After the first week, you are expected to fill your own bento boxes. Failure to adhere to the dietary requirements of your training will not be punished by me directly, but it will cause you to lag behind in training, an act which will bring down my wrath. Understood?" Kakashi-sensei asked them with a piercing glare.
All three of them nodded frantically, though the satisfied smirks on the faces of Naruto and Sasuke were missed by neither party in the clearing. Sakura looked rather frantic, and it did not take a genius to realize she was worried over her figure.
Kakashi-sensei nodded with a satisfied eyesmile. How he could make his eyesmiles as expressive as other people's normal smiles, Naruto would never know. "You're not the only ones to suffer, though. When I said 'we', I meant 'we'. I've been ordered to re-intensify my own training, and I will do so after I've got a good indication where you are right now." He clapped his hands. "Alright then, first up is physical fitness. You will perform pushups at the highest pace you are capable of until your arms refuse to cooperate," he ordered them. "You will count out loud each time you complete a push-up. After that, it will be sit-up with the same demands. Finally, you will be running laps around the clearing for as long as you can. Now get to it!" he finished with a barked order.
The three genin scrambled to obey, and by the time the three genin finished their push-ups, it was evident that the three were at very different levels physically. Sakura had collapsed somewhere around her fifteenth push-up and was desperately guzzling from her water-filled canteen while the other two soldiered on into the forties. "Relax, pinky," Kakashi said shortly after she had started drinking. "You'll only hurt yourself if you drink water at that pace this soon after a workout."
Sakura nodded absently and complied, though the rate at which she drank her water now would still be considered fast by normal standards it was enough to satisfy Kakashi for now. Meanwhile, Sasuke had crashed to the earthen floor after panting out the number seventy-two and was now lying on his back breathing hard.
When Naruto reached two hundred and fifty with no sign of slowing down any time soon, not even a single bead of sweat visible anywhere on his body, Kakashi called out a halt. Both Sakura and Sasuke were looking at Naruto with wide eyes, and one of the Universal Genjutsu, type: depressed raincloud, floated above the pink hair belonging to Sakura at her own lacking performance. Kakashi almost sighed, that girl and her multiple personalities that switched seemingly at the drop of a hat were going to be the death of him. Perhaps I'll introduce her to Anko-san this afternoon instead of next week?
A moment later, he nodded to himself and created a Kage Bunshin for the purpose of seeking out Anko. She owed him a few favours so unless she was busy breaking a fool or three she would answer favourably.
Both of the other genin had known Naruto was an unreal stamina monster, but they were unaware of the true magnitude of the situation. Kakashi just looked at the genin with a – hidden – raised eyebrow. With the heritage he was aware of years ago and the heritage he only learned of yesterday, his performance wasn't completely a surprise.
The sit-ups were a story of 'second verse, same as the first'. Sakura laid herself spread-eagle on the floor after number twenty, panting heavily, Sasuke stopped at sixty, and Naruto was still counting at one hundred and seventy-five. Thanks to the regenerative properties of yōki on the human or half-human body in addition to his standard Uzumaki healing factor Kakashi would not be surprised if he could maintain this for an entire day.
Kakashi made a mental note to keep the blond genin well away from Gai.
"Alright, that's enough Naruto," he called. "Time for laps!" he said cheerily after the blond had come to a halt.
The third verse was, once again, same as the first. Sakura started walking and splashing water on her face to cool down at ten laps, Sasuke lasted twenty, and Naruto just kept on running and running.
Kakashi scratched his head. He would have to borrow a few things from the usual regimen of the Beautiful Beasts of Konoha to properly challenge Naruto.
Memories rushed into his head, and he learned that Anko had agreed. Excellent.
"Once again, that's enough Naruto," he said. "Gather round."
When all three of his genin had gathered before him he clapped his hands. "Okay, I've got a pretty good impression of your physical fitness right now. Pinky, your stamina is sub-par for a freshly graduated kunoichi, but getting rid of your diet and training hard should get rid of most of that."
"But sensei, how will I keep my figure?" Sakura asked. All three men looked at her with incredulous expressions.
"We train enough that unless you eat like an Akimichi you won't gain weight," Kakashi replied before the other two could offer scathing words. "I'll introduce you to a well-known kunoichi who is as fond of dango as Naruto is of ramen."
"You mean Anko-nee?" Naruto asked excitedly.
"Yes, Naruto. Anko," Kakashi confirmed.
"SWEET! She's been avoiding me for the past two weeks because she lost a bet and is refusing to pay up," Naruto said with a shark-like grin.
"I don't even want to know," Kakashi said in a deadpan. "Moving on. Sasuke, your performance was above-par for a fresh graduate, but nothing truly special. Naruto, your performance was off the charts for a normal fresh graduate, but considering the stamina freaks your mother's side of the family were you performed merely acceptably. To further your training, all three of you will get resistance seals starting tomorrow.
"Do not confuse resistance seals with gravity or weight seals. Gravity and weight seals work by increasing the pull of gravity on an area of the body or increasing the mass of an area of the body, effectively doing the same thing. Resistance seals increase the wind resistance your body naturally suffers from and makes joints harder to move. Most resistance seals come in fourteen levels, and the first level feels similar to walking while completely submerged in water. Level fourteen does not have an adequate description using a natural analogue. Most ninja who use resistance seals do not ever venture beyond five.
"Once in a while, we will deactivate the resistance seals so that your body gets accustomed to the effects of the seal and to ensure that your coordination does not suffer from your increase in speed. It won't do to make yourself faster if you suddenly can't hit your opponent or block his attacks any more. Got that so far?" he asked.
Receiving three nods in reply, though Sakura looked a bit unsure while doing so, he pressed on, "Now for the coordination assessment. While we were talking a clone of mine set up a slalom course. You will each go through the course as fast as you can. Then we will perform stretches and other traditional warming-up and cooling-down exercises before running the slalom again, but this time while walking on one's hands. Then we break for lunch. Any questions so far?"
Three shaking heads were his only answer. "Good!" he replied brightly. "Then follow me."
– – – –
Naruto mulled over his first training day so far while eating the bento provided by sensei before he left. Sasuke was, to the surprise of absolutely no one, the fastest of the three and the most well-coordinated. Interceptor Fist demanded both speed and coordination. Sakura and himself were approximately equal, though he performed better on the course by virtue of his unending stamina that rendered him always as fresh as he was when he woke up, compared to the heavily panting, exhausted Sakura. It was likely this exhaustion that made her eat everything contained within her bento without a fuss.
It was after the stretches between slalom courses that he truly hit the first snag of his ninja career; his balance on something that wasn't his feet was atrocious and he was not able to successfully complete more than three steps while walking on his hands, let alone the entire course. It would come in time.
In a swirl of leaves, Kakashi-sensei and a guest reappeared in the clearing where they started the day. Naruto allowed his eyes to visibly light up – Kitsune illusions were ridiculously flexible – when he recognized the person he was with, not that it was especially hard to do so. The combination of trenchcoat, fishnet shirt, and a Nara-styled ponytail was not exactly common around the village.
"Anko-nee!" he cried happily, attacking her with a flying tackle-hug. "You owe me a hundred ryō!"
"Gaki!" she replied in the same exuberant tone, subtly guiding his flight path so that his face would land between her sizeable breasts. "Where you been the past two weeks?" She steadfastly ignored his mention of her owing him money.
'Kaa-chan?' he tentatively called out mentally. They had been playing around with the seal to establish a mental connection even when her consciousness was inside her blood clone, but he was uncertain if it would work outside the yōki-rich environment of the Uzumaki Compound.
'Yes, musuko-kun? What is it?' Haha, success!
'Anko-nee asks where I've been the past two weeks, what do I tell her?' he replied nervously.
'Hmm...' His mother hummed. 'Invite her over at the end of the day. It'll be good to talk to my surrogate younger sister again.'
'More surrogate family, kaa-chan? First Kakashi and Obito, now Anko?'
'I have a weak spot for suffering orphans, okay?' his mother replied testily. Naruto frowned lightly. That sounded almost tsundere, but that was ridiculous.
"Oi, gaki! You there?" Anko yelled in his ear, snapping him from the conversation with his mother. "I mean, I can understand if you aren't. Not many men get to be introduced so intimately to the twins," she added in a sultry tone. She either missed or ignored the disgusted expression of Sakura at her words. More likely ignored.
"I can show you. Will you be home at 1830?" he asked, his voice muffled by the above-average mammaries of Mitarashi Anko.
"Yup. You taking me on a date gaki?" she asked cheekily, increasing the force pressing the blond to her body for emphasis.
Naruto turned his blue eyes to lock with her glimmering brown ones, mirth evident in them. "Something like that," he said in his best imitation of her earlier voice. Had they looked closely in another direction, they would have seen an interesting red spot appearing on the facemask of a silver-haired cyclops. Anko briefly looked taken aback that he had returned her flirting before a grin lit her face.
– – – –
Back in the Uzumaki Garden after a rather fruitful meeting with the head of the Hyuuga Main House, Kushina debated the pros and cons of having Anko help with seduction resistance, or if she should contact some of her friends in the Hyuuga to help since Hiashi was nowhere near as mad at her as she thought he had rights to be, or if she would do it herself. As her thoughts took a more... adult turn, blood erupted from her nose. If he was anything like his father...
She licked her lips.
– – – –
"As golden as this moment is," the aforementioned cyclops drawled out, "I figured it'd be good for pinky to get the 'dieting for ninja is bad' talk from an actual kunoichi. Anko-san here graciously agreed. I've supplied lists with your new nutritional demands and taken the liberty to deposit them at your places of residence."
"Mitarashi Anko at your service!" the woman yelled dramatically before vanishing and re-appearing behind Sakura. "How about you and I have a nice chat, pinky?" she asked, but before Sakura could so much as open her mouth to reply she had already been shoved to her feet. "Now move it, the Dango Empire awaits!" she yelled with a manic grin on her face as she pushed a struggling Sakura along. "MUSH!"
When the last cries of the pink-haired genin had faded into the distance, Sasuke asked, "How is she going to do what the teachers at the Academy never could, sensei?"
Naruto gazed at the black-haired youth, astonishment written on his face at his rather civil tone.
Perhaps he had recognized the fact that their sensei was one of, if not outright, the strongest jōnin in the village and decided that pissing such a person off would be bad because it could mean that he received less than optimal training?
Shaking away his astonishment, he answered in lieu of their sensei. With a grin on his face he asked, "are you aware of my ramen eating habits, Sasuke-teme?"
"I am," he confirmed with a frown. "But I don't see how that is relevant."
"Well," Naruto drawled out in a pretty good imitation of Kakashi, "Anko-nee is the same when it comes to dango. She considers a light appetizer to be approximately seventeen sticks. And you have seen her figure."
"Of course," Sasuke answered calmly, surprising Naruto. Evidently he had seen Naruto's surprise and recognized it for what it was, for he continued hotly, "In spite of popular opinion among the guys at the Academy, I am not gay."
Naruto turned an incredulous eye towards the duck-haired Uchiha. "Who are you and what have you to my broody Sasuke-teme?" Naruto demanded.
"Tch," Sasuke replied testily. "Don't push your luck, dobe."
"So you can be civil!" Naruto exclaimed. Sasuke started to reply in kind, but a cough from Kakashi stopped him short and focused the attention of both genin back to him.
"While pinky is away getting her lecture, we're going to start on a basic chakra control. You are familiar with the concept from the Academy's leaf floating exercise, and the general principle holds. Too much chakra and bad stuff happens, too little chakra and bad stuff happens.
"There is a whole set of exercises out there to improve chakra control, starting small at tree walking – also known as surface-clinging –, and getting bigger with water walking or more generally surface tension manipulation, flow splitting, flow reversal, and immolation aversion. Most people stop after being capable of walking on water unless they are training a wind-element affinity, at which point they continue to flow splitting. As you can imagine, the further along you go, the worse the 'bad stuff' is, up to and including actually dying."
Both genin gulped involuntarily.
"The first exercise, tree walking, is simple in principle," he said as he walked to a nearby tree and placed a foot on its bark. "You channel chakra into your foot to cling to the surface, then walk upwards, alternating the foot you channel chakra to as necessary. The exercise is mastered when you can fight another person for two hours on a vertical surface just as well as you could standing upright." He calmly walked up to what was approximately half-way up the tree and went through a basic Dragon style kata at speeds his students could track. He then proceeded to sedately walk back down to the ground. "Your turn. Do not expect to get this within three days unless you have really good chakra control already," he said, taking the moment to throw a kunai in front of both his students. "Use this to mark your highest position along the tree. One last piece of advice; you want to start out running and only progress to walking up the tree when you have reached the top. I'll put pinky on the same exercise when she gets back."
The two nodded and went to work.
"Naruto," Kakashi said calmly when Naruto was running up the tree, drawing his attention. "I know you can do the exercise already."
"Drat," Naruto cursed softly. "And here I was hoping for an easy first day."
"Yeah," Kakashi drawled. "No. While I acknowledge your desire to keep your skills unknown until circumstances force you, I'm not letting you off easy. Kage Bunshin no Jutsu."
A single clone poofed into existence and started gathering rocks and leaves while the original went to do his own workout, taking care to do so in full view of the genin so they could get an idea of what an actual ninja workout was.
"Here, hover the rocks over your handpalms and the backs of your hands and rotate the leaves over your fingers with no two adjacent leaves spinning the same direction, all the while maintaining your tree-walking."
The clone turned to face the second genin. "The same goes for you once you have mastered tree-walking. I'll add a few rocks and leaves before we practice water-walking.
"Get to work."
"Hai, sensei," the two said reluctantly. Kakashi noted the jealousy in Sasuke but chose not to speak up for now. That would be addressed during the first week, perhaps during the survival exercise?
The clone withdrew a very familiar orange-covered book from the storage seal in his pouch, and giggles filled the air as the two genin practiced.
– – – –
"Welcome, Mitarashi-sama!" the proprietor of Dangoya – The Best Dango in Hi no Kuni! – greeted her. "And who is this lovely young lady?" he asked with a courteous bow.
"This is me paying a favour and attempting to rid the world of a Fangirl at the same time," Anko replied with an audible capital letter 'F'.
"Gaki," she said to Sakura in her best intimidatory tone, "go find a seat."
It should be said that given her occupation as the Assistant Head of T&I, the best intimidatory tone Anko could wield was a very effective intimidatory tone. With a frightened squeak that brightened this day in the life of Mitarashi Anko, Sakura scarpered to a nearby seat.
"I want my usual delivered to that table," she said to the proprietor with a finger pointing to the table the pink-haired genin had seated herself at. "Don't bother with more than a single plate for her."
"Of course, Mitarashi-sama," the proprietor said with a bow before disappearing in the direction of the kitchen.
Anko set herself in front of pinky, Haruno something or other, at the other side of the table, a slight grin on her face. Pinky looked nervous at her grin, but Anko could not find a reason why. She made an effort to reduce the normal bloodlust in her grins just for this occasion!
Kakashi wanted her to lecture his student about the dangers of dieting, so she would. "Calm down, gaki," she said imperiously. She could not lecture pinky if pinky ran away, no?
"Then don't grin like that!" pinky half-yelled.
She allowed her grin to return to its normal level of bloodlust. Pinky squeaked and Anko considered her point made, returning the grin to its toned-down level.
"Now listen up, gaki," she said, waving a dango skewer from the last time she visited Dangoya... all of two hours ago... in the air between them. "Kakashi tells me you've been dieting."
"Yes, so what?" she asked testily, and Anko grinned. So there is some fire to this girl! "I need to keep my figure for Sasuke-kun!" she exclaimed with hearts in her eyes, and Anko lost what little respect she had gained.
"Gaki," she said seriously. "Look at me."
She stood up and ditched her trenchcoat, revealing her stunning figure to the world. Most men in the establishment passed out almost immediately from blood loss. The few that did not were Anko's usual waiter and the proprietor, who had seen her do something provocative way too often to be really affected anymore.
Just as well, really. Anko would not have liked it if the plates of Nirvana the waiter was carrying were dropped onto the floor. She had put fools in the hospital for less.
"Your dango, Mitarashi-sama," the waiter said with a bow, putting no less than seven plates, upon which lay twenty-eight sticks of Heaven, in front of her. Anko grinned.
"Thanks," she said as she sat back down and started eating.
"Do you have no shame?" pinky asked incredulously. "Or table manners, for that matter," she added once she saw how Anko wolfed down her dango. It reminded her of how Naruto used to eat ramen during Academy lunch break before Yuuhi Kurenai quite literally pounded some table manners into him.
"Shame gets people killed, gaki," she said seriously and a shocked expression briefly flitted across pinky's face. "I trained in the nude often regardless of the presence of others of either gender to get rid of any shyness about my body. If not, someone could just rip your top open and you'd be dead faster than you could say 'hey'."
It was probably a good thing that she was talking at a normal volume or Dangoya would have another wave of bloodloss-induced incapacitations.
"The point is, however," Anko continued without waiting for pinky to talk back, "did you see the reaction of the men in the shop just now?"
"Yes," pinky said in distaste even. "Filthy perverts."
"Exactly," she said as she grabbed her third plate. "Now, what am I eating?"
"Dango," pinky said flatly. "Lots and lots of dango."
"Ding ding ding! – scrunch – Give gaki a prize!" Anko exclaimed. "Now, I'll admit dango is not the healthiest of foods, despite it being far and away the most delicious no matter what any blond gaki says. However, I still eat 'round about sixty to seventy sticks per day, if I'm not otherwise indisposed."
Pinky's eyes widened as Anko re-donned her jacket. "Per day?"
"Correct, Haruno-san," the proprietor said while walking back to the kitchen from an order placed by another table. His establishment wasn't so large that he could focus on management to the exclusion of all else, much like his friend Teuchi and his ramen stand. "Mitarashi-sama is far and away our best customer and we always lament it when she is sent on missions that take her away from the village."
"I see," pinky said in that tone that indicated that she had done the exact opposite. "Then how do you keep that figure?"
"Training, gaki," she replied. "As kunoichi, we can eat whatever we want, however much we want, as long as we ensure that we get at least a minimum of everything. The rest we burn off with training."
She waved a dango skewer in the air between them with a thoughtful expression on her face. "Since I've got you now, that's exactly what we'll be doing after I finish here." Her expression became filled with a murderous glee. "Kakashi told me that you'll be introduced to tree-walking today, and I have just the thing needed to convince you to walk trees."
Sakura turned an apprehensive eye towards the purple-haired kunoichi of questionable sanity. "And that thing is?" she asked hesitantly.
"Sen'eijashu!" Anko exclaimed and a single snake burst from her sleeve to land on the table. Sakura leaped up with a shrill scream of fright. "Say hello to Kraitler-chan!" she said enthusiastically.
"Kraitler-chan, this is Haruno Sakura, otherwise known as 'pinky'. You'll get to help me train her for at least an afternoon, maybe more if Kakashi agrees."
"How ssso, Anko-sssama?"
"Pinky here is going to be start to learn tree-walking today. You've got pretty much carte blanche except for biting to..." she trailed off, looking for the proper word. "Facilitate," she eventually continued, "the exercise."
"I await sssuch a moment with anticccipation, Anko-sssama. It isss alwaysss fun to ssscare two-legsss."
Anko grinned a very feral grin. "I thought you'd see it like me. I'll call you again when we're at the training ground, I have dango to eat."
"I ssshall wait with bated breath, Anko-sssama."
In a poof of smoke, the snake disappeared from the table.
Sakura calmed down and took her sweet time to re-seat herself. Inner Sakura was sweating bullets at the display. 'I think we'd better run, shannaro!' Sakura agreed with her inner self, but was fairly certain that the crazy woman would be able to catch her before she reached the door.
"Will you require refills, Mitarashi-sama?" a waiter asked as Anko was happily finishing her dango, currently cleaning her seventh plate.
"No," she answered. "As much as I hate not ordering more dango, gaki and I have things to do, places to be, y'know?"
"Naturally, Mitarashi-sama," the waiter replied good-naturedly. "We look forward to your next visit, Mitarash-sama."
The pair spent the next few seconds in silence while Anko ate her dango, and then decided to eat the uneaten dango on Sakura's plate.
No sense wasting good dango.
Anko patted her stomach. "Aaah, dango is always good," Anko said in a breathy voice before she rose from her seat. "Come on, gaki. Let's go."
Sakura hesitated while Anko walked towards the door, not wanting to spend more time with the woman who was practically radiating bloodlust even when she was fairly calm. Apparently she had taken too long, for the aforementioned woman hurled a kunai in her direction that left a thin scratch on her cheek and suddenly appeared behind her, collecting the blood on a finger before licking that finger with a sensual moan that caused a renewed round of nosebleeds from the male patronage of Dangoya.
"Absolutely delicious," she said breathily. "Blood laced with fear is always so very tasty."
She pierced Sakura with a frightening glance and lifted the pink-haired girl to her feet. "Now, as I said, gaki... let's go. MUSH!"
With a frightened yelp, Sakura jumped up and practically flew out of Dangoya, a purple-haired kunoichi hot on her heels.
– – – –
After she had escaped Anko at five, Sakura had returned to her earlier training ground only to be set the same exercise she had just been doing for a few hours, and infinitely preferred the methods Kakashi-sensei employed. She could not deny that her hours under Anko-san were effective though. Having a venomous constrictor snake, something unique to the Snake Summons, waiting at the base of the tree in case she failed the exercise was one hell of a motivator. Compared to that, Kakashi, who had seemed so harsh earlier, was like paradise on Earth.
At six-fifteen, fifteen minutes after Kakashi had dismissed them for the day, Sakura limped inside her house where her mother was working her magic in the kitchen.
"Hello sweetie," her mother called from the kitchen. "How was your day?"
"Strenuous," she replied as she sat herself down at the table. "How long until dinner is ready? I feel like I could eat a herd of horses and still have room for more."
"Weren't you on a diet to impress Uchiha-san?" her mother asked curiously.
"I spent almost five hours training with Mitarashi Anko," she said in a dead voice. "More specifically, I spent lunch and an after-lunch training session with Anko. She eats dango like Naruto-baka eats ramen."
"Anko..." her mother said, her voice trailing off in thought. "Purple hair done Nara-style, Bloodthirsty, crazy, and a body I would kill to have?"
"Dunno about the last, kaa-san, but the first three are correct."
"Ah. That'll do it," her mother answered as her mother started to set the table.
"How can you be so calm, kaa-san?"
"I used to be a kunoichi myself for a few years before I had an accident that permanently burned out my chakra coils, remember?" her mother said. "I could have told you myself that dieting wasn't going to do you much good in the ninja world, but the few times I tried to broach the subject you were so confident you knew better."
Sakura blushed. "What about Kakashi-sensei mentioning that ninja need to eat 3 500 kilocalories per day? That can't be true, right?"
"It's not," her mother answered curtly, and a satisfied expression appeared on Sakura's face before it was wiped off and replaced with a shocked expression at her mother's next words. "Back when I was a kunoichi, I ate an average of 5 000 kilocalories per day, often breaching ten on particularly intensive training days."
Her mother appeared briefly from the kitchen to wave a ladle in Sakura's general direction with a stern expression on her face. "And let me tell you my dear, I didn't look half bad back in the day. Not up to Anko's level, but I had little fat, a sizeable bust that left many a man drooling, and an ass that I allowed Jiraiya-sama to use in his novels after your father passed on." She looked down at her chest with a sad expression. "I wonder where my boobs have gone the past decade. Though sometimes it seems like they simply moved to supplement my ass."
"MOM!" Sakura yelled with a massive blush on her face from her mother's frank words.
"So now that you have seen the truth of the culinary world and its effects on a ninja's body, it's time I gave you something I would otherwise have given you two years ago when you had your first period."
Sakura gulped at the grin that had appeared on her mother's face.
"But first, dinner!" she said excitedly while clapping her hands. "A nice steak with boiled potatoes and beans. Nothing special, but it gets the job done." At her daughter's look, she simply said, "I remember my first training day, Sakura-chan. I literally ate a dozen steaks," with a sheepish expression on her face. "So I prepared accordingly."
For the next half hour, the only sound they made was the tinkling of cutlery on plates as they ate. When they were done and had cleaned the table, washed the dishes, and poured themselves a drink, Haruno Mebuki forcefully pulled her daughter onto the couch and sat herself next to her daughter, wrapping an arm around the younger pink-haired woman's shoulders with a near-manic grin on her face.
Sakura gulped. That particular grin on her mother's face never meant anything good...
"Now, when a boy and girl like each other..."
– – – –
"Heya Anko-nee! Yuugao-nee! Kurenai-nee!" Naruto said excitedly as he knocked on the door of the Snake Den, as Anko called her apartment. Over the years since her return after Orochimaru's betrayal, her two closest friends Uzuki Yuugao – known to some as ANBU-taichō Neko – and Yuuhi Kurenai – the Genjutsu Mistress of Konoha, not that that title held as much import as it did when the Uchiha and Kurama clans were still abundant – moved in with her, and after Yuugao had come to the scene at his apartment four years ago he had become an unofficial fourth resident, a position many men in Konoha would kill to be in.
The Ice Queens, as the three were also known, were considered to be the three most beautiful women in the village and he had seen each and every one of them half-naked at some point, though he did not pass out from a nosebleed at the sight because his hormones hadn't kicked in yet.
"Hey there, Naruto-kun," Yuugao said as she held open the door to allow him entry. "How have you been?"
"Pretty good, all things considered," he answered. "Kakashi-sensei is a slave driver."
"Oh?" Yuugao said, surprise evident in her voice. "The Laziest Non-Nara of Konoha is a slave-driver?" Yuugao tried to reconcile his words with her image of the perpetually tardy jōnin, to little success. "Somehow I can't imagine that."
"Yeah, well..." Naruto began as Kurenai entered the living room with Anko, carrying a large plate laden with small snacks. The mixed scent of crackers with salmon, crackers with various cheeses, onigiri, freshly grilled yakitori, and dorayaki filled the room. "He said he was ordered by Hokage-sama to step up his game, shake the rust off." Naruto shrugged, and missed the glances the three shared.
Kurenai simply asked, "Candidate?" as Anko and herself set the plate down.
"Candidate," the other two replied curtly. Naruto looked between them with a confused expression on his face that made the other three have to resist hugging him with a squeal of 'kawaii'.
"What are you on about?" he asked.
"Nothing you should be worried about, Naruto-kun," Yuugao replied. "At least, not until you become a chuunin and by then it'll likely be common knowledge."
"If you say so, Yuugao-nee."
They each grabbed a small snack, and Kurenai turned to Naruto. "So, Naruto-kun," she began, "what are you doing here?"
Anko answered for him. "Gaki told me he'd show me where he was the past two weeks."
Yuugao and Kurenai sat up slightly straighter. "Oh, did he now?" they asked in unison with a hint of something in their eyes that told Naruto quite clearly that if they didn't get to come along they would tort... put him through training. He gulped and reached out through the seal to his mother.
'Kaa-chan?'
'Yes, musuko-kun?'
'Is it alright if I bring Uzuki Yuugao and Yuuhi Kurenai along with Anko?'
'My old kawaii genin! Please do!'
Naruto allowed his expression to fall into a deadpan, causing the three women around him to wonder what was up. "He was like this at noon too, all out of it," Anko said.
'Do you know everyone in the village, kaa-chan?'
'Not everyone,' she replied teasingly. 'Just everyone of importance.'
"OI, GAKI!" Anko yelled, snapping Naruto out of his conversation. "You spaced out again. What gives?"
He coughed. "Mental communication seal," he explained shortly, and three eyebrows belonging to three different persons rose to meet three hairlines. He squirmed under the scrutiny.
"I'll explain in detail later, when we're there."
Neither of them pressed him for explaining where 'there' was, figuring they'd find out soon.
"So that means 'Nai-chan and Yuu-chan can join, yeah?" Anko inquired.
"Yes," he replied shortly.
"SWEET!" Anko said jubilantly as she jumped out of her chair and marched towards the door. "Let's GO!"
The three remaining inside just looked at her retreating back and waited patiently.
"Ten ryō says five minutes," Naruto said into the silence.
"Deal," Yuugao said. "Kurenai?"
Kurenai pursed her lips. "You know I don't like gambling."
"Fine," Naruto said peaceably. The three settled down to wait.
Exactly five minutes later, Anko re-appeared in the doorway with a sheepish grin on her face and Yuugao grumbled as she handed ten ryō to Naruto.
"Soo..." Anko trailed off. "Naruto, lead the way?"
Soft laughter from three sources filled the apartment. This was from the first, or even hundredth time Anko did something like this, but it never got old.
"Yeah yeah, laugh it up," Anko said without much vitriol. "Shall we, gaki?"
"Let's," he agreed. "First stop, Training Ground 43."
– – – –
"These are some pretty weird plants, Naruto-kun," Yuugao said before something caught her eye. "Is that the castor oil plant?"
"It is, though it's been mutated by exposure to non-human chakra," he explained, drawing three inquiring looks. "All will be explained later."
"In addition," he continued with nary a missed beat, "This garden contains mutated almonds, various plants not native to the Elemental Nations, numerous other poisonous plants native to at least one of the Elemental Nations and a few plants that are actually very edible, even to full humans."
"So that's where Inoichi got his new stock from," Anko said with a 'eureka' tone.
"Full humans?" Kurenai asked curiously, the words having stood out to her. Naruto waved dismissively.
"Like I said, it'll be clear shortly."
With that, he walked up to the traditional shogi door and slid it open before pausing in the doorway. With a flex of his chakra, the illusion hiding his tails and ears vanished and three squeals rang through the air. Not even the hardened jōnin were completely immune to the kawaii instinct all females seemed to possess.
I should have foreseen this, Naruto thought as he felt the three women hugging him and stroking his tails. He shuddered. His tails were sensitive, and the base of them was apparently an erogenous spot according to his mother.
"..."
"A..."
"I think gaki wants to say something, Yuu-chan," Anko said from where she was hugging, stroking, and cuddling with two of the seven tails.
"Air!" he finally gasped out, and the two women hugging his torso released him with sheepish expressions on their faces. A brief flash lit up the scene.
"Prime blackmail material, musuko-kun," the previously unnoticed figure standing before them said.
He felt more than saw the other three completely freeze.
Anko, Kurenai, and Yuugao could not believe their eyes. There, in the doorway, stood the woman who was in many ways more a family member than their actual blood relations.
"Sensei?"
"Kushina-nee?" Anko got out, barely managing to stop stuttering. She was the Assistant Head of T&I damnit, she did not stutter!
Kushina spread her arms, inviting Anko for a hug. It didn't take long for Anko to take a shaky step forward, rub her eyes, and then tackle-hug the red-haired woman, burying her head in the crook of the older woman's neck. Sobs filled the atmosphere, and Naruto swiftly went inside in almost complete silence.
"Nee-chan," Anko said in a voice filled with a bevy of emotions. "Where were you the last decade?"
In response, all Kushina did was remove the illusion hiding her tails and wrap the nine previously hidden tails around Anko. Anko didn't notice, but two other two did.
"Sensei," Yuugao uttered, hurt evident in her voice. "Why did you never tell us you were the Kyuubi?"
"Because the Bijuu don't have the best of reputations in the Elemental Nations," Kushina said softly, nearly purring under Anko's fresh assault on fluffy tails now that she had noticed them and drawn her own conclusions. "Minato-kun knew, Jiraiya-sama knew, Tsunade-sensei knew, and a few Hyuuga knew. Not even Sandaime-sama knew until a week and a half ago, nor did Kakashi-kun until yesterday."
"I see," Yuugao said softly, placated, before she too rushed forward and joined the hug her sensei had with Anko. Kurenai followed not long after.
"I guess I owe you an explanation, don't I?" Kushina said after a few minutes of just standing there with her tails wrapped around all three of the younger women. "Let's go inside, this is going to take a while..."
– – – –
Translations:
Sen'eijashu: Hidden Shadow Snake Hands.
Kawaii: cute.
Gaki: brat.
– – – –
A/N: The name of Anko's snake is a shout-out to The Tragedy of Repetition, by SoulShdw, a fic I enjoyed.
I decided to go with the fact that, while inspiring words may be remembered forever, what truly makes people change is seeing something. Specifically, the masturbatory material that is Anko's body with her habits of eating. As for the proprietor, his shop isn't that big that he can spend all his time doing paperwork, much like Teuchi is the proprietor and chief chef of Ichiraku Ramen.
Also, because people asked, here's a quick review of ages that are relevant or may become relevant in the future.
Naruto is twelve, as are the Rookie Nine (who may remain the Rookie Nine depending on my decisions pertaining Sasuke). The three that complete the Konoha 11 (or 12) are a year older.
Yuugao is 22
Anko is 24
Kakashi is 26, as are Gai and Asuma
Kurenai is 27 as of two days ago in the fic
Kushina is 110, though in human form she is 38 (this is including time spent inside the seal, her human form was 26 when she was sealed), and looks 24. This makes Kushina almost exactly six years older than the Uzumaki Mito of this fic.
Kurenai failed her first go at the chuunin exams and was placed on a team with Yuugao under Kushina after Kushina's original line up had one member graduate. In this story, the Chuunin exams were put into place somewhere before the third lustrum of the Shinobi Villages.
Yes, that does mean that Kakashi has a parental relationship with someone only slightly more than a decade his elder. That's just how messed up Kakashi's life is.
Lastly; many, many fanfics have Sakura's mother on the Civilian Council. I got tired of reading such, so she isn't one here. In addition, while the council in this fic started off as fanon it got curbed heavily even before the first chapter was over. If you're looking for an Uchiha-loving Council... forget it.
Do remember that last chapter mentioned nothing about the Council threatening Kakashi if he failed the Uchiha, and it's not as if Kakashi has much of a life outside missions and icha icha before he became a sensei.
Inspiration for the training scene came from Dark Angel of Auralon's 'Dark Phoenix of Konoha'. There's a fair bit of cliché in that fic and a few headscratchers (Scrolls with clan techniques do not end up in the open garbage, they get incinerated on the spot to prevent clan secrets from leaking out. They are ninja, and do not lack common sense), but it provided a good template for Competent!Kakashi, so it gets a mention.
I can only hope that I did Anko's character justice.
Next chapter will feature some more training (though not too much), and Team Seven's first D-rank, which will, naturally, be Tora.
Because a fic just isn't complete without at least one Tora mission.