Chapter 2: Glimmer Of Hope

5 months. 5 fucking excruciating months without him. Almost half a year and I still feel the pain like it was yesterday. Like it was just mere hours ago that I stood in that crypt, where I felt him for the last time but couldn't see him. That night would be forever engraved in my mind. My life's most terrible night.

Due to the no-magic spell on Mystic Falls, I went back to Whitmore College where I've chosen pre-medicine as my major. When I first thought of my future as a child, I've always imagined myself as a writer or journalist. I've never thought about being a doctor, especially after I turned into a vampire. But I couldn't help thinking about all the people I've lost and what feelings that caused me. I want to be able to prevent people from experiencing something like that. Feeling that grief that I've felt... and still feel. And there is one more plus side to this: I get to work at the clinic at Whitmore Medical Center. In this way I have access to blood bags for me, Alaric and Caroline as well.

I distanced myself from everyone. At least, I tried to. They always found me, though. I just couldn't look them in the eye without feeling their pity. I hate pity. Just like he did. And Caroline was the worst of them. She never did like him, of course, she wouldn't understand what I'm going through. She always manages to piss me off with her 'you should move on' speeches. I can't and I won't. She just needs to take the situation. Matt calls some times though he is busy protecting the town. He joined the community protection militia just in case Caroline is able to find a way to reverse the anti-magic spell around the town. I haven't heard much from Jeremy. It's strange considering he is my brother, but he lost just as much as I did. Maybe only we can fully understand each other. Alaric I can bond with on some level. He knew the elder Salvatore, they were best friends and when I feel like being alone (which is nearly every time) he lets me be. He doesn't question, he knows I need this, though I see the concern in his eyes.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so hopeless. Sometimes I just want to scream till no noise can come out of my throat. How can someone be that important that without them I feel like nothing? I'm just a body with a still functioning brain. I'm a fucking walking dead. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. I just wish I could have all the bad stuff back - the constant fighting, the pain of loving each other, the bad things we do for each other - so that I could have the good.

All the memories that randomly come rushing back can as much as be blessings and your worst enemies. When they hit you, you smile that silly smile of yours when something good or funny pops into your head from the past, then you remember that the person in the center of your memory is gone and is never coming back, and you just fall apart all over again. That is what happens to me all the time. I remember it all. Our summer together, that wonderful time when our only concern was if Jeremy will be able to hear our bedtime activities from the other side of the boarding house. Though it was more my concern. We had our silly arguments as well as every couple but they only made our relationship stronger.

It was a seemingly quite evening at the Salvatore boarding house. The sun just set, but it was still warm outside due to June's heat. It wasn't completely dark, though the parlour was beautifully illuminated by the fireplace. The only thing that disturbed this idyll was the sound of footsteps and loud speech coming from the staircase. An annoyed Jeremy trotted down the stairs, followed by a determined Elena and a sighing Damon.

"Jeremy you can't just go out whenever you want. You have to talk to me first. What if something happens?" ever since they discovered Jeremy was permanently brought back from the dead, Elena managed to take the word 'overprotective' to a whole new level.

"What would happen, Elena? I'm not a kid anymore, I can take care of myself," Jeremy said exasperatedly. It seemed like they have this conversation over and over again. For the last week Jeremy could barely leave the house, it looked like Elena was watching his every move. First he let her, thought it might give her some comfort and leave her overprotective side sooner or later, but as the days went by, Jeremy got tired of it. He loved his sister, no doubt, but he needed some outside connections too. It's been ages since he got to breath fresh air, not to mention that with two vampires in the house, he barely was able to speak with Bonnie.

"I know you are not a kid anymore, Jer but would it hurt you if you say some words to me before you go out? Like 'Hey, Elena I'm meeting up with someone, don't worry if you don't find me home'! And besides we still haven't figured out what the hell will we tell the people about your resurrection. What if someone we know sees you?" Elena said in an angry tone, though there was some desperation in it too.

"Elena-" Now Damon decided was the good time to interject, but Elena ignored him.

"But there's nobody to meet. Matt is with Rebekah God knows where and I know that Tyler is off to somewhere too and you can talk to Bonnie over the phone here just as fine, so why would you want to go out at all, especially at nights. You have everything here, there's no need to put your life at risk-

Damon had had enough. He saw that Elena's cheeks were slightly red from the anger, and if he doesn't put an end to this, he will have to be the one who cleans the Elena pieces off from the rugs and walls.

He stood before Elena and gently grabbed her shoulders.

"Elena, listen. Look at me. Jeremy will be fine, there's no need for you to worry. Just let him leave the house for a few ours. Everything will be alright," tried Damon in a soothing voice, but Elena was stubborn. He both loved and hated this about her.

"No, Damon you don't understand. I just got him back. I can't lose him again," Elena tried to free herself from Damon's hold but it was no use. He was stronger than her.

"You won't lose him, Elena, why would you? The veil is up, Silas is gone... There's nothing that means danger to him-"

"There's always a danger in Mystic Falls, you can't know that. What if a vengeful vampire comes into town or some of Klaus' hybrid that we didn't manage to kill finds Jeremy and kills him?" Elena tried everything to keep her brother at the boarding house. She couldn't help the feeling that something bad is about to happen.

While the couple was arguing, Jeremy managed to sneak out without the two vampires noticing. He learned in the hard way what followed their fights. He decided to crash at Tyler's and later that night he would send a message to Elena to let her know he was still breathing.

Damon tried the easy way, now he knew he has to make Elena see her mistake.

"This is ridiculous and you know it. Why would some vampire kill exactly Jeremy? I mean, one with a bad taste I understand..." Damon knew he was on dangerous grounds, but he was actually started feeling sorry for the kid for being watched 24/7.

Elena threw Damon's hands off of her and walked further into the parlour with an angry puff. Damon was beside her in an instant.

"Elena, he has hunter skills which means he is faster and stronger than an average human. Cut him some slack, you're smothering that poor kid with your non-stop worrying-" It seemed like the worst thing to be said, because Elena turned to him with such speed that Damon almost felt dizzy. Her eyes burned with such intensity, that it would've turned a stone into ash. Damon knew it wasn't a good sign.

"Smothering him? So you say my actions suffocating him? Do I suffocate you too?" said Elena nearly shouting, her voice held a venomous tone.

"Elena, that's not-"

Elena turned around the room, looking in every direction and realized, Jeremy left. She felt the anger resurfacing with a newfound force.

"Jeremy's not here. This is your fault! He sneaked out while you were distracting me!"

Damon gaped at her.

"My fault? You are the one who's acting like a totally crazy person right now, Elena,"

"I'm sorry if I'm acting like a sister who just got her brother back from the dead and don't want to go through the pain of losing him again! It's not like you know much about brotherhood. You've never showed Stefan you cared about him. At least, Jeremy knows I love him," Elena instantly regretted the words as they left her mouth. Her eyes widened as she saw Damon's face harden slightly.

"I see we're back to where I'm the bad brother again," Damon said with a sarcastic smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"No, Damon I didn't mean-" Elena knew she went too far. She shouldn't have brought up the bond between the brothers. It was a completely different story and situation.

"I know, Elena. I get it" Damon said with narrowed eyes. He knew what Elena said was in the heat of the moment, but it still stung. He cared about his little brother. A lot. He just didn't like to show it. He thought Elena knew that.

"Damon, please I-" tried Elena again, but Damon interrupted her in a calm voice.

"I'll be in our room if you need something." with that, Damon turned around and went up the stairs, leaving a stunned and ashamed Elena behind.

She knew she hurt him. She just wanted to make him understand why was it necessary to keep Jeremy close. As soon as she stepped out of her anger filled bubble she realized what a major pain in the ass she had been for the last week. This fight was the wake-up call. She knew she can't keep Jeremy locked in here forever, afraid that something might happen to him. Damon was such a wonderful boyfriend to her ever since they got back together after graduation. He always supported her and now she managed to hurt him with those untrue words. Of course, he is a good brother, she knew that all too well. But now she has to give him and them some time to cool off, then she will go upstairs and show him just how sorry she was and how much he means to her.

Now I would gladly sacrifice anything just to go back to that time. Just to hold him one more time, kiss him, feel him. But the universe plays a cruel game with me. And I can't win. Not now. Not ever.

Suddenly my phone started to vibrate beside me.

It must be Caroline, checking up on me, as usual. I ignored it.

But a few moments later it ringed again. I saw the caller ID and couldn't help but feel the anticipation. It read Stefan. I picked up.

"Elena? I think I found something..."

Just a few words, but now that few words meant the world to me. They gave me hope I thought I would never feel in my life again.

A/N: That flashback will have a continuation in the next chapter ;) Also I'd like to thank you for the reviews and follows and favs, I hope I can read more thoughts about my story :)

Guest 1: I cried too while writing it :( but this was kind of my intention with the first chapter

firelightkiss: Thank you! I was kind of worried I couldn't quite grasp how deep Elena is feeling now, but it seems I succeded :) And I plan on writing a happy ending. A hate those stories w/o it. They feel kind of wrong.

Guest 2: Thanks :)

delena05: I'm glad you liked it and I hope I managed to represent Elena the same in this chapter as in the show :)