Castle sighed and recoiled his legs from the top of his desk, lifting his laptop from his thighs and returning it to the smooth surface of his desk. Only three months of writing about her and the first book was practically done, his new publisher thrilled with the idea and his progress, surprised but enthusiastic to hear he already had ideas for a second. But it wasn't enough, just writing about her.
He missed Kate Beckett with an intensity that left him aching some nights, an empty space in his heart she had so quickly carved out and filled during their time together now hollow and yearning for her return. It wasn't as if he had been cut off completely, wasn't left wondering where she was or if he would ever see her again. She called him when she could, when the phone lines were deemed safe, and she kept him up to date with her recovery, listened intently when he spoke about the book or what was going on in the city, in his life without her.
Sometimes she broke the rules and called him late in the night when she couldn't sleep, while her security wasn't too strict in their attention, and he told her stories about Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook, about Alexis and her childhood adventures, about the future he vowed to have with her. Sometimes she gave her own ideas about a life together right back to him, spinning a tale of the two of them back together in Manhattan, him writing best sellers while she chased down killers with the NYPD, but she always came home to him.
Those kinds of stories made the time without her worse, but he knew she hadn't decided to recover in solitude to place space between them.
She had enemies, enemies Gina had risked exposing her to when his ex-wife had revealed Kate's identity, and so for the time being, Kate had to lie low. That meant going into hiding while she was vulnerable, taking the time to heal without looking over her shoulder in fear of a new threat, and staying away from him to save him and his family from any form of potential danger as well. He should be grateful, he should be, but the logic hadn't stopped him from missing her like crazy for the last 92 days.
Castle spun in his chair to stare out the window, watching the waves of the ocean crash and recede from the shore in a relaxing rhythm, the shimmer of the midday sun illuminating the sea, turning his Hamptons hideaway into a vacation dream, but he was still trying to stop wallowing the gloominess that hovered above him like a personal storm cloud.
It was easier when Alexis was around to brighten his spirits with her presence, but ever since they had arrived in the Hamptons mere weeks after returning home three months ago, his daughter had made quite a few new friends and what kind of father would he be if he denied her the fun of sleepovers just to satisfy his own selfish need for company?
The ring of the doorbell echoed through the house, reeling him back from his reverie, and Castle retrieved his phone from his pocket while he rose from his office chair, checking his messages for a clue to who could be on his front porch, but his inbox was empty and Alexis wasn't supposed to be home until tomorrow morning.
Rick hesitated in the foyer, apprehension coiling around his spine like a snake. Ever since his ex-wife had hired an assassin - well, an FBI agent roaming around under the disguise of an assassin - to kill him, he had learned to live in fear, to strengthen his guard against those around him, to protect himself. But when he padded silently to the front door and spared a peek through the peephole, all of his defenses crumbled to the floor.
He unlocked the door with fumbling fingers, swung it open with a racing heart, and felt his breath catch at the sight of Kate Beckett on his front porch.
"Hey Castle," she grinned, and he had to blink, unsure if he had finally fallen to the point of hallucinations, but no, not possible. She looked so much better than he remembered, better than he could have imagined, so much healthier and happier after three months away. Her eyes sparkled with amusement as she took a tentative step closer, brushed her fingers along his. "That invitation to stay with you in the Hamptons still open?"
He tried not to literally slam the door closed with her body as he surged into her, cradling her face while his mouth worshipped at her lips, her jaw, her neck. When she had said 'time', he had assumed more than three months, he had assumed the entirety of her recovery and then some, but it had barely been a full ninety days and she was here at his home in the Hamptons with a suitcase in her hands.
"Where's Alexis?" she gasped, dropping her bag and curling her fingers in his hair.
He grunted, drifted a cautious hand down her side and hovered over the wound on her abdomen. "Sleepover until tomorrow."
Her fingers closed around his wrist, gently guided his hand under the loose fitting top and laid his palm to rest over the marred skin. He held her gaze as his thumb circled the puckered skin he found beneath her ribs, the long scar where they had cut her open to dig the bullet out of her liver.
"How are you?" he whispered while her fingers abandoned his hand to touch his face, tracing the lines bracketing his mouth, spanning from his eyes, learning him again with gentle fascination in her gaze.
He had always been fascinated with her, he'd made no secret of that, but he had never imagined Kate could ever be filled with the same look of wonder. Secretly, he had feared there would always be an imbalance, that his love for her would forever be the one to outweigh whatever feelings she may have for him, that he would always be the one to care too much. He's not so sure about that anymore.
"Better," she smiled softly. "Better now."
Castle swallowed, tried hard to contain the dopey grin on his lips that kept making her laugh, because even though all he wanted to do was revel in her presence, in her touch, he still had serious questions to ask.
"Are you - do you have to go back? Into hiding?"
Kate chewed on her lower lip, but shook her head, caressed the cleft of his chin with her thumb. "No. They wanted me to relocate to another safe house for an extra couple of months, but there hasn't been any sign of a threat and I still have to be careful, but I just…" Her shoulders shrugged, her eyes shining a shy hazel as they fell to rest on the top button of his shirt that her fingers were toying with. "I needed to see you. Three months is just – it was too long, Castle. Too long."
The circle of her arms at his neck surprised him, the gentle knead of her fingers to his nape a welcome but unexpected touch, and he tentatively returned her embrace, felt her body strong, close, and warm against his with no intention of moving. The woman he remembered had held herself away from him, even in the most intimate of moments, always wary, always ready to run. But now… he felt like he had every piece of her that there was to offer.
"Too long," he echoed, ignoring the urge in his chest to remain that way with her for an eternity, taking a step back instead. "But Kate, you're… you're sure this is where you want to be?" Kate's brow creased, confusion knitting as a hint of hurt flared in her eyes, but he clung to the bones of her hips when she attempted to move backwards, away from him. "I just mean - because the last time we were together-"
"I told you I loved you," she stated in response, the hurt gone, determination and the threat of indignation taking its place. "And I know it isn't the same, but we've been talking on the phone for the last three months. Does nothing I said to you during those conversations count?"
"Yes," he answered, squeezing her waist, hoping to convey reassurance through his touch. "Every word. I just know the last few months have been difficult, for both of us, and I don't want to rush you into anything. I want - I want to do it right."
Of all the reactions, he never would have predicted the relieved quirk of her lips, the spill of amusement in her eyes. "Since when are you the responsible one?" she chuckled, untangling from his arms, but holding onto his gaze. "Castle, I don't want to rush things either. I want us to take our time, but I don't want to waste it." Kate's eyes abandoned his to take notice of her surroundings, to spend just a moment in silent awe of his home, and he didn't protest. He didn't try to stop her when she drifted away from him, through the foyer, into the living area and past the kitchen, until she reached the elegant French doors that would lead them to the beach.
Kate glanced over her shoulder for confirmation and he nodded, following after her as she pushed down on the elegant handle and stepped into the sunlight. She toed off her shoes at the porch and descended down the steps into the sand. Castle watched her relish in the perks of the beach, wiggling her toes in the sand and tilting her head back to taste the sun on her face, but it was only a few seconds before she was extending her hand for him, grinning when he accepted her unspoken invitation.
They walked in silence down towards the edge of the water, but the gentle curve never left her mouth. It reminded him of how she looked at the cabin all those months ago, so free of worry and fear, but he realized the unburdened expression was even more true now, more beautiful here.
"Everything was so rushed before," she began again, sweeping her thumb along the edge of his knuckle. "The entire time I was scared of losing you. Now, I just… I want to just be with you."
His heart exalted with relief at the words, his hand tightening around hers in silent affirmation, but there was still one more important topic that he couldn't let slip away, that he had to address before they could go any farther.
"Being with me… you know that it's a package deal, right?"
Castle's breath fell hostage to his lungs the second the words left his mouth, but Kate didn't hesitate, nodding right away and returning her gaze to him.
"Of course. I was hoping…" She chewed on her bottom lip, a familiar flicker of uncertainty dancing across her sun streaked face. "I could always stay at a hotel in town, but I thought maybe-"
"Kate, you're staying with me," he cut in, and yeah, it might be a little presumptuous, but she was not staying in the Hamptons for him only to check into a hotel. "There's a multitude of guest rooms."
The corner of her mouth curled, a mischievous trace of a smirk unfurling. "Mm, I have a feeling I won't be spending much time in my assigned guest room."
He laughed, nudged her with his shoulder and watched the smirk blossom into a smile. "You're welcome to whichever bedroom you like, including mine."
"Thanks, Castle," she murmured, ducking her head to hide behind the gossamer curtain of her hair, and wow, Kate Beckett was acting like such a girl compared to the ruthless, faux hit woman he had met in the summer. "But I was thinking I could ask Alexis first, if she minded me staying."
Castle came to a stop, his toes sinking in the damp sand, the cool water surging forward to lap at his ankles.
"And if she's okay with that, then maybe soon I could take her out for lunch, get our nails done, you know, girly things?" she added quickly, a self-deprecating laugh accompanying the suggestion. "Whatever she prefers, but I also understand if you'd rather not have your daughter hanging out with someone like m-"
He didn't let her finish, refused to allow the end of that sentence to come out of her mouth, so he kissed her instead, curled a hand at the back of her neck and fit his mouth to hers before that last syllable could slip free.
"My daughter happens to think you're the coolest person she's ever met," he informed her, listening to her exhale, feeling the heat of her breath coat the lips still brushing against hers. "So of course you can spend time with her."
Her eyes fluttered open, her lashes tangling in the fringe of his, exposing the sheer volume of hope taking occupancy in her irises. Despite his short time of knowing her, he had seen nearly every emotion Kate had to offer, but never once had he seen this look. Never once had he seen her so happy and she hadn't even been here an hour.
"Okay," she grinned, drifting out of his grasp to continue their trek down the oceanside, but Rick pulled her back by their linked hands.
"Let's go back to the house. I'll give you a tour of the place, make you lunch, and then we'll come back out," he offered, not willing to mention it, but noticing all too easily how thin she was. During their time together, she had rarely eaten, allowing the worries of the day to consume her instead, and he could only imagine what kind of severity that had reached while she was alone in isolation.
Kate nodded, compliant in trailing along as he started away from the shore. He wasn't used to leading her, wasn't used to the idea of an equal partnership between the two of them, but he was already beginning to like the concept.