Birthday Crashers

At last, the final installment of this very drawn out insanity. I mean mystery. It is too a mystery! Did you see the clues to the culprit's identity in the other chapters? No? Not paying attention, are we? Enough of that. Here is the final chapter of Birthday Crashers!

Suboshi was awakened by the painful sensation of being dragged by ear down a dark stairway. He kicked and struck his captor's arm to try and free himself but it was about as effective as a baby swatting at a gorilla. "Let go of me, you fiend! Don't you know who I am?"

His captor only let go of Suboshi's ear when the lights came on and they had reached a door. Suboshi took this opportunity to crane his neck back so he could see the culprit. This was, he assumed, the person behind the attack on the Suzaku no Miko. Not that he cared a wit about Miaka... but a person who attacked the priestess of Suzaku might also attack the priestess of …

"YOU!" Suboshi exclaimed, rising to his feet and then almost immediately bowing before the entity he saw before him. "The dragon god himself!"

Seiryuu, standing tall and azure and serene, said nothing. But he did take Suboshi by the collar and toss him into a room where Suboshi discovered all his friends and enemies had been gathered like a school of fish in a net. They were all struggling and wriggling in discomfort, some cussing each other out when they all froze and looked towards the door.

"Suboshi! Behind you!" Yui warned. Suboshi ducked and flipped forward so he could face the attack. But all he saw were a pair of gods. The dragon and the phoenix.

"Get in that net!" Suzaku demanded.

"Don't do it, Suboshi! DON'T DO IIIIIT!" Amiboshi cried, grabbing at the net.

"I – what? I wasn't going to," Suboshi said. "Could somebody please tell me what's going on?"

"We were not invited," Seiryuu replied. Suboshi was sure the dragon god's personality was not naturally warm but he did notice a certain coolness to the reply. "So we summoned this basement here to gather you all together. To kill you. That should show you not to include the gods in your merry-making."

"That explains this basement!" Miaka muttered to Yui.

"Really? I thought it was just the author's plot hole," Yui whispered back.

"Hah! You wanted an invitation?" Suboshi sniggered.

"Don't be such an upstart!" Tasuki snarled from under Hotohori.

"What did I say about talking thrones, Tasuki?" the emperor warned.

"Would you GET OFFA ME ALREADY?!" Tasuki shouted.

"Anyway... as I was saying, so what you didn't get an invitation! You are gods! Don't you have better things to do, like devouring other priestesses?" Suboshi asked.

"Well, as it happens..." Suzaku began, poking his two index fingers together, looking down like a bashful child.

"As it happens?" Suboshi asked.

"We don't have priestesses to devour at the moment," Seiryuu explained.

"We're bored," Suzaku elaborated.

"So you thought you would play some dangerous pranks?! Suzaku, I seriously thought you were better than that!" Miaka scolded the phoenix god. He shrank back to hide behind Seiryuu when he had nothing to say to defend himself.

"No, the pranks were more for fun. And we're gods. You should expect nothing," he replied.

"Nonsense! Even gods must behave themselves!" Yui joined the birthday girl in the scolding. Seiryuu actually cringed this time. "Now you untie this net right now or you'll be in serious trouble!"

There was a pause in which no one was sure what the dragon god would do. Then he nodded and passed Suboshi a blade to cut the net with. Suboshi whirled around and went to the task of cutting open the net at once. His blade cut a little too close to Tamahome, who shrieked, "Hey! Hey! Watch it with that knife, psychopath!"

But within seconds the net was open and all of the seishi and two mikos scrambled at once to get out.

Tamahome and Nakago rolled out in a deadly punching tangle while Soi crawled out just after them. Tasuki carried Hotohori out on hands and knees, still acting as his bitter throne. Nuriko climbed out then. Mitsukake carried Chiriko out, for Chiriko had fallen asleep somehow during all of the bickering. Miboshi and Tomo walked out holding hands, apparently having become best friends during their short time together with everyone else in the net. Secretly, they had sworn to leave each other alive if they had to kill and eat the others to survive. They hadn't really expected anyone to come save them once they saw it had been Seiryuu and Suzaku behind the birthday crashing. Chichiri followed Amiboshi out last. No one seemed to notice one of the Seiryuu seishi was missing. Poor Ashitare, may he rest in peace.

"Now what?" Nuriko asked, looking around at the room full of enemies.

"Well... is it too late for me to invite you two to my party?" Miaka asked of the two gods. Everyone else groaned, appalled that she would think to invite them now.

"NO! NO NO NO. YES PLEASE. INVITE PLEASE!" Suzaku begged, his eyes glimmering. Everyone noticed Seiryuu too had a hopeful aura about him.

Miaka paused. "On one condition," she said. She looked over at Tamahome, who nodded his approval for he knew what she was going to say.

"What condition?" Seiryuu asked, not amused.

"YOU will get me a new television set for my mother's room! And YOU, Suzaku, will either fix or replace the mirror in her bathroom."

Seiryuu gave it some thought. He looked at Suzaku. The two of them seemed to have a wordless conversation. Finally, Seiryuu nodded. "... I suppose that can be arranged. We are gods, after all. You know those are two conditions though, right?"

"Seiryuu!" Suzaku hissed. "She finally invited us, don't ruin it!"

"Can we eat cake now?" Chichiri whined.

"Yes! Let us all eat cake and be merry on this day where enemies celebrate as friends!" Hotohori cheered. Most of the others rolled their eyes even if they felt the same way.

And so, the hodgepodge group of characters exited the room one by one and found themselves back on the first level of the house. For the basement had never really existed.

Mitsukake and Chiriko ran to Miaka's CD collection to choose something to play. Miaka and Yui went to grab plates and utensils for the two new guests. Amiboshi and Suboshi let Tasuki join their next card game – Egyptian Rat Screw, which Tasuki really sucked at and would make loud threats every time he was eliminated. Nakago and Soi mysteriously disappeared to one of the upstairs bedrooms but no one really noticed, save for Tomo who followed them out of jealousy. Miboshi thought he would try to get the two gods drunk enough to grant him wishes. Tetsuya and Keisuke got caught up in a debate ancient Chinese politics with Hotohori. Actually, Keisuke had a hard time keeping up with the debate and eventually slid away from the other two to go open another beer.

"What's the matter, Tama-kins? Everything worked out in the end, didn't it?" Nuriko slapped his good friend on the shoulder, deaf to the crack of bones his superhuman strength inflicted.

Tamahome's eyes watered in his excruciating pain. But he did have enough strength left to say, "That room we searched earlier... with the panty drawer... those panties weren't Miaka's."

"STOP THINKING ABOUT PANTIES, YOU PERV!" Nuriko gave Tamahome an uppercut to the chin, sending him flying up into the ceiling. "Yeesh. I keep forgetting my own strength! Sorry about that, Tama-kins!" When Nuriko saw Tamahome wasn't going to come down any time soon, he shrugged and went to watch the card game.

The End

:: I apologize if this ending felt a bit rushed. Maybe I'll come back in another ten years to improve it! HAH! Thanks for reading. Ciao! ::