AN: Well here's chapter 4! Okay everyone sorry this took so long to put up! I'm not sure what's up with my beta I sent her the chapter two days ago and she was working on it but no reply and I couldn't keep you guys waiting any longer! So chapter 4 is unbeta'ed sorry, hopefully I can get a hold of her and chapter 5 will be beta'ed!
Tori:
I woke up on Sunday morning a bit disoriented and confused at once again feeling someone next to me. Fear started to rise in me until I realized, much quicker this time, that it was Jade next to me. I smiled and kissed her forehead, then stood up and made my way downstairs in my pajamas. I decided to make me and Jade omelets for breakfast. It would be nice to surprise her with a good breakfast.
When I was almost done with Jade's omelet I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I turned around to see Jade there, wild haired and in her pajamas.
"Well Tori, I see you've busied yourself already this morning," she said with a half smirk. I found this the cutest thing ever and stuck my tongue out at her.
"Hope you like ham and cheese omelets," I told her with a smile. She responded by kissing me lightly on the lips for a second, pulling away before she knew it make me uncomfortable plus my mom or Trina could come down any second and I wasn't ready to explain about us yet.
After we finished breakfast we took turns using the bathroom and showering. I wondered if I would ever be able to shower with her. I knew it was to soon to really consider doing something like that now, and anyways we weren't even 'together' yet. Which reminded me that we still needed to talk. We were now in my bedroom sitting on my bed.
"Jade, what are we?" I asked motioning a finger between us. Jade was silent for a moment like she was considering what I had just said.
"Well, we're humans, girls, and -possibly- in love?" she replied saying the last part as more of a question. Hearing her say we might be in love made my heart swell, but that wasn't exactly what I was asking. I gave her a soft smile and said:
"No I mean like, are we together? Is it to soon to be 'together'? Should we go on a date first? Was yesterday our first date?" I was starting to ramble when she put a finger to my lips with an amused smile on her face.
"Well I would love to call you my girlfriend, but are you ready for something like that? I'm not sure you are; I'm not trying to offend you are anything," she quickly added probably wanting to make sure I didn't get the wrong idea, "but I'm not to sure your ready to move so quickly. And anyways before we become 'officially' girlfriends I'd like to tell our friends about us, and we're definitely not ready for that. So for now we can go on dates, cuddle, and I'll be there for you of course, but maybe we shouldn't label what we are exactly just yet."
I smiled at this. Some people might almost take it as rejection, the object of their affections saying they couldn't be 'together' just yet, but I knew that wasn't what she was getting at. She was simply thinking of my emotional state. Truth be told I wasn't sure myself if I was ready to jump into a relationship just yet. I'm sure it would work and be amazing, but it would be hard. Maybe it would be best to ease into it. Go on a few dates, let our friends become use to us not being so gank to one another, break down my kissing wall, and other things. Who knew maybe in a few weeks or possibly a month or two we'd be ready to tell everyone about us and become official.
I smiled at her and nodded. I leaned forward and gave her a soft kiss on her lips and to both our surprise I didn't pull away. The kiss slowly became more intense until the point she nibbled on my bottom lip asking for entry. I paused for a second unsure whether I was ready for this or not but decided it was now or never, and I opened my lips slightly. She seemed very eager at this point and I felt her tongue enter my mouth. I was very submissive and let her tongue explore my mouth, but after a few moments I started to explore hers too. This enticed a moan from her.
Everything was going fine for several seconds, but then it felt like a tank had hit me. A fear so large and overwhelming slammed into me and I pulled away quickly and let out a small scream. I pulled away from her and shrank into my bed, and started to cry. All I could feel was his hands roaming my body. His tongue in my mouth. I started to cry harder feeling like nothing in the world would ever be right again. Then like God himself had calmed me, Jade pulled me into her arms and starting saying blissful things.
"It'll be alright" "I'm here now" "I love you Tori no one is going to hurt you"
I slowly stopped crying and calmed down. I nestled into her and whispered so softly I was unsure if she'd hear me "I love you Jade." At hearing this she started to cry softly. Now it was my turn to worry, had I offended her somehow.
I looked up into her eyes but instead of seeing pain I saw love. More love than anyone outside of my family had ever looked at me with. I smiled softly and hesitantly placed a small kiss on her lips, keeping mine with hers for as long as I thought would be good for me after what just happened, and then pulled away.
"You know," started Jade, "whenever Beck told me he loved me I was never sure if I could trust him. Was he lying? Was he just saying that so he could 'get some' later that day? I always had to question his motives, did he really love me. Even now I'm not sure if he meant it. With you though I know when I hear you say it that you mean it, that anything ever said to me could be any more true."
My heart swelled at this, did those four words really mean so much to her? Did my love really bring that much joy to her? Personally I was sure Beck loved her. No amount of 'getting some' would constitute putting up with what Beck did on a daily basis. I mean honestly he could 'get some' from almost any girl he wanted, in our school or not. I could see how Jade would question it though, especially after them breaking up and Beck not trying to get back with her as usual. Honestly though I think Beck had just had enough of the constant fighting, he couldn't take it anymore.
This made me frown though, is that how we would be? Always fighting, Jade always getting jealous. I was sure I could put up with it, but then again I'm sure Beck had been sure about that too, but when did to much become to much? I decided not to worry about that for now; I mean we weren't even together yet no need to worry about something so far off as that, we'd simply deal with that issue when it came to it.
Jade:
It was almost 6 PM now and I was at home. The day had gone good with Tori and I. We had even got in a few more kisses which showed she was progressing again, but who knew if we'd start taking steps back. I let out a sigh this would be a hard relationship, but I also knew it would be worth it. I was sitting in front of my laptop and was researching behaviors of sexual abuse victims. I decided I wanted to do my research behind what had happened to Tori and why she acted the way she did. After clicking through a few useless links I found one that seemed to have a few symptoms that hit the spot:
1. People-pleasing and rescuing
2. Insomnia
3. Excessive need to control
4. Obsessive, compulsive behavior patterns
5. Needy
6. Low self-esteem
7. Suicidal
8. Weak boundaries
9. Unhealthy choices in members of the opposite sex
10. Neurotic tendencies
11. Addictions: drugs, alcohol, sex, food, relationships
12. Eating disorders
13. Chronic illness
14. Manic-depressive behavior (emotional extremes of highs and lows)
15. Severe depression
16. Cutting, or self injury
17. Running away
18. Victim of bullying
19. Acting out
20. Wanting to leave school
People pleasing, check. Needy, check. Low self esteem, a few days ago I would have said no but now I wasn't so sure. Weak boundaries, check. Eating disorders, well I wasn't so sure but she was very skinny, and she didn't seem to eat as much as the rest of us but she didn't seem to eat to little either, I decided I would check more into that. Severe depression, well she takes medications for it so check. Cutting, or self injury stood out to me. I remembered her making sure her sleeve was pulled down in bed, making sure I couldn't see her arm. I hadn't thought to much of it at the time but now I knew I would have to see her arm. Victim of bullying, well me at Hollywood Arts but I didn't know to much of her life at Sherwood, would have to find out more somehow.
Well those seemed to be all red flags. And she definitely had those. I let out a small sigh, I just hope she isn't broken beyond repair because honestly at this point that would kill me. I had grown to love her in just two days, and I was sure she loved me. I believed her completely when she told me she loved me. She had no reason to lie; quite the contrary she had everything to lose. This made my heart swell just a little knowing someone actually loved me. I still question if Beck had, maybe he did maybe he didn't that didn't matter now though. I was sure I could never love anyone more than I loved Tori.
I kind of felt bad though that me and Beck had to break up for me to find what I'm hoping is true love. Don't get me wrong I had loved Beck, still do in a way but a more brotherly way. Now I started to wonder how Beck would react to finding out about me and Tori, when we 'come out' that is. Would he be okay with it or be jealous? I was sure the group as a whole would accept us, but Beck may have problems with it that didn't have to do with two friends that were both girls dating.
I wasn't sure if he had feelings still for me or not, he did seem jealous sometimes when guys flirted with me but we dated for almost three years that was to be expected. I guess we would just have to wait and see how things developed. I looked at the clock, almost 11 pm now. I yawned realizing how tired I was. I decided it was time to get some sleep. Before going to bed I pulled out my phone and texted Tori.
Going to bed now guessing you're probably already asleep so hope this doesn't wake you, see you at school tomorrow love, Jade
Tori:
My phone going off woke me up. I looked at the clock it was 11 pm. I let out a groan and thought Cat had probably texted me, wouldn't be the first time she texted me so late with a random thought that had come to her mind that she just had to share with someone before she forgot it. I was pleasantly surprised to see it was from Jade. I read it twice my heart swelling at reading that she put 'love, Jade' maybe she really does love me.
I replied:
You did wake me up but that's okay! Yeah will see you tomorrow and sweet dreams! Love, Tori xoxo
I added the xoxo just for good measure, it felt very Tori like. I had fallen asleep on my own tonight after such a good weekend I'm not surprised. I hadn't even brought out my nightlight tonight. I felt wide awake now and sighed.
I opened my bedside table and pulled out a bottle labeled Ambien which was a powerful sleeping pill. I took 10 MG the highest dose. I swallowed a pill with the glass of water I keep next to me on my bedside table at night. It would take at least 15 minutes for the pill to kick in so I decided to go pee real quick. In the bathroom I lifted up my shirt sleeve to look at the cuts on my arm. I did a good job of hiding them, not even my mom or therapist know about them. I had a few burn marks to that I had used a curling iron to make. I grimaced thinking now maybe with Jade in my life I wouldn't feel the need to hurt myself.
I smiled softly thinking of Jade and made my way back to bed. I could feel the Ambien kicking in now and I settled into a sleep filled with dreams of a certain green eyed raven haired girl.
AN: And there's chapter 4! Hope you liked it. Still looking for someone to make me an image though! Whoever makes me one will get a shout out of course and my eternal gratitude! Also sorry the weekend stretched out 3 chapters but it is a very important time period and I felt needed to be shown in detail. Time will move a bit more quickly now! Reviews always welcomed. Also I'm going to start a one shot collection where I write one shots, Jori of course, with each chapter/one shot based on a theme suggested by a reader!