A/N: Although this was only going to be a one shot, I've decided to add one more chapter. I hope you enjoy!
The intensity of the warm water pounds on to my body as I wash and cleanse myself. In a way, this shower is almost cathartic. I'm washing away the old and preparing for the new which I hope includes Ana. I turn the faucet off and open the shower door, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around my waist. I slowly inch towards the mirror and take a deep breath before looking into it. I don't want a repeat of the work restroom incident. Rubbing the steam off the glass, I see something foreign to me, hope. I now have hope that things are going to be ok.
I pad to my bedroom where I start getting dressed in black pants, a white long sleeve dress shirt, and a dark gray suit jacket. Here in this room, I'm full of confidence that things are going to work out, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared of what lies behind the bedroom door. The outside world is full of uncertainty, yet it's also has the promise of great things. Once I'm dressed, I go into the kitchen and open the fridge. My appetite has made a slight comeback.
"Mr. Grey, what would you like for dinner?", Gail asks. I spin on my heels to find her standing by the breakfast bar.
"Anything you want to make. Surprise me.", I answer, smiling and grabbing a bottle of water. "Apologizing isn't something I do well. That's because it's something I don't really do. With that being said, I'm sorry." She looks at me as if she doesn't know what I'm talking about. "I've been a mess the past few days. I know it's being around me has been unbearable."
"It hasn't too bad. Mr. Grey, I've seen broken hearts before. I've even experienced it myself. It's not a pleasant feeling, but it's a feeling that can ease. Sometimes it gradually goes away over time, and sometimes it takes being proactive to repair it. You're a go getter, one who doesn't sit around and let things pass. My advice is to use that quality and take the proactive route."
"I'm going to try my best to do just that.", I murmur before taking a drink of water. "I'm going to admit something to you that I never thought I'd be saying. I'm scared. What if I try to make things right, and it just blows up in my face?"
"It could.", she says with softness in her eyes. "However, it might not. You won't have your answer if you don't pose the question."
"Ana's made me feel things no one else has ever come to close to making me feel. I want to be with her. I'm not sure how I should go about it though. Do I send her a bouquet of flowers or some jewelery? What if I write her a letter in which I express my feelings?"
"You could do any or all of those things. Before you decide, ask yourself what you feel is the right way." I trace my jawline and contemplate the ways I can tell Ana how I feel. The answer soon rushes to me. "From the way your shoulders just relaxed I'd say you know what to do."
"I do. Thank you Gail."
While sending gifts or writing a letter might be good ways to show Ana how I feel, I decide on a simpler approach, going to her apartment and talking to her...face to face. Well, I'm not sure if the method is simple since I'm nervous the entire elevator ride to her apartment. I feel sweat starting to form in the corner of my forehead. Damn it!
"Get a grip.", I snarl at myself. The last thing I need is to show up looking like I've just run a fucking marathon. Once the elevator stops, the door opens, but I'm hesitant to move. "You can do this." Composing myself, I step on to Ana's floor and begin making my way to her apartment. Before I know it, I'm at her door. I bring my hand towards the door and gently tap. A few seconds pass, and I hear nothing. Maybe Ana's not home. She could be working late at her new publishing job. A worse theory crawls into my mind. She might be on a date with a guy who's going to treat her well. Fuck that! I'm the man for her, no one else. I'm about to tap again when the door opens, and Ana stands before me. She's wearing a blue tee and jeans with both hanging off her body.
"Christian, what are you doing here?" I keep inspecting her while she remains standing with the door semi-open. "Christian?"
"I promise I won't take long, but I need to talk to you." She steps back from the door and waves me inside the apartment. I go to open my mouth but nothing comes out. Enough of this nonsense. It's time to be proactive. "Can I sit?"
"Sure." I settle on the beige sofa as she falls back on to a matching oversized chair that makes her tiny frame appear even smaller. "I don't suppose you were just in the neighborhood."
"No, I wasn't. You look like you've lost weight. Have you been eating?"
"If you came all the way here just to give me a lecture about my eating habits, you're wasting your time. I'm a grown woman who doesn't answer to you.", she snaps. "What I do is none of your business. We broke up, remember?"
"I remember all too well.", I murmur. "It's all that's been on my mind."
"You don't look too upset."
"Looks can be deceiving. Ask anyone who's been around me since that day, and they'll tell you I've been miserable. When you left, part of me left as well. I tried convincing myself you and I aren't meant to be. I've always seen my life as nothing but this dark pit that I deserved to reside in." The lamp from the end table shines on her face, spotlighting the tiny tears that are in the corners of her eyes. "Please don't cry."
"How can I not?", she says. "It hurts hearing you put yourself down when I know what you're saying couldn't be further from the truth. True you've had a rough life, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed to be happy." I scoot forward in my seat, grabbing her hands in mine. The spark is instantaneous.
"I should've never taken you into that room."
"I asked for you to show me how bad the punishment could be, and you followed my wishes."
"That's no excuse.", I sigh. "Being in there gave me the control I thrived. It was that control that helped me deal with shit. I wasn't the abandoned kid who's always felt alone growing up. I was a man who was in charge. Things changed the moment you looked at me with coldness in your eyes. I had gone too far and hurt the one person who means the most to me."
"Means?"
"Means.", I repeat. "You mean the world to me. It was you who showed me I'm capable of being and giving more. Remember when we went for coffee and tea following the photo shoot? You said you found me intimidating, and I said you should. The irony is I find you way more intimidating than I am." Her eyes narrow as she curls her feet underneath her body. "You're this beautiful, smart, funny, and caring woman who sees the good in people even when they don't see it themselves. You're not afraid to express your true feelings, something I've never been able to do. Now, I'm going to tell you my true feelings." I feel my chest constricting and body shaking. "You said you had fallen in love with me, and I told you that you couldn't be in love with me. I know now that I said that because I didn't feel worthy of being loved by you."
"But you are worthy.", she says.
"Thanks to you, I've realized that. You helped me see I'm capable of being and giving more."
"All I did was clear some of the fog that was hindering you."
"Ever so modest. One of the many reasons I love you." Ana's mouth falls open as mine continues growing into a smile."
"You love me?", she stammers.
"Not only do I love you, but I'm in love with you. I'm knots in the stomach, sweaty palms in love with you. I've been in love with you since the moment you fell into my office. I just didn't realize it or know how to admit it."
"You did you a pretty good job." She wipes the corners of her eyes and stands while I do the same. "I've fallen in love with you, and you've fallen in love with me. Now what?"
"Now we move forward, together, if you'd like. If not, I'll understand."
"I do want to move forward with you. It's not going to be easy, but I feel we can make it work."
"First, there's one thing that needs to happen.", I murmur before removing my shirt. I take Ana's right hand and move it towards one of my scars, but she pulls away. "I want this."
"You don't have to do this if you're not sure."
"You've already touched my life in so many ways so it's only fitting that you're able to touch me anywhere." When I take her hand the second time, she doesn't move away. Instead, she gently touches me. The sensation is actually soothing. I nod and give silently give her permission to continue. Gradually, each scar on both my chest and back are touch, and gradually the walls I've built around me come tumbling down.
"That was the last one.", she says, stepping back around to face me. "Thank you for letting me in."
"You gave me the courage to let you in so I should be thanking you." Ana raises up on her toes and grabs my shoulders.
"No. You should be kissing me.", she whispers before our lips meet in a slow burning kiss.