Happy Tuesday! :)

Have one more chapter before an episode tonight! Now I can just sit back and look forward to what promises to be magnificent ep! Hopefully its awesomeness won't throw me too badly and I can get back to this quickly.

Shout out to guest kalem, thanks for your lovely review I'm glad my story helped you feel better. Real life sucks sometimes, but I am rooting for you. Go out and slay! :)

Shout out to guest Reader, thanks for your lovely review!

Seriously to everyone, your reviews and supportive comments give me life as a writer. Thank you so much!

Always, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy it! :D

Chapter 6

Barry was lounging on the couch in the afternoon, watching television. Bright sunlight poured in the windows, illuminating the room and its light colored walls so much that it was almost blinding. He was squinting to be able to see the show that was running.

When the knock on the door came Barry leaped to his feet, figuring it was the pizzas he'd ordered. When he opened the door the sun was so bright it obscured his vision for a moment; he had to put a hand over his eyes.

The familiar figure of Joe materialized.

Barry's heart thumped so hard in his chest he was sure it could be seen from the outside.

"Joe! Oh my god!" Joe stepped into the entryway, and Barry immediately grabbed him in a bear hug. "I missed you so much! I thought I'd lost you forever!"

Joe smiled fondly as they drew apart. "You can't get rid of me, Barry."

Barry led the way to the living room, where they both took a seat. Barry ran both hands over his face, grinning. He couldn't seem to find any words. He just shook his head in wonder. Joe being back meant everything to him. Finally Barry managed to get proper words out.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea what saving my mom would mean. I never meant to change things for you. I'm so glad to see you."

Joe nodded, looking serious. "We can never exactly see the consequences of our actions Barry. Especially in something like this. Sometimes they bite us in the butt."

Barry agreed vigorously. "I'll say! Cisco is a nobody with talent going to waste and Caitlin is shut up in her own world not letting anybody in. I don't even know where Dr. Wells is, and Ronnie and Caitlin never meet. Even the city feels different. The tradeoff is huge. I feel so guilty."

Joe just looked at him, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. Barry felt an awkward silence settle in. The sunlight seemed to intensify.

"Joe, I've missed talking to you. I could really use your advice here."

Joe shook his head, a sad look on his face. "I'm sorry Barry, you've gone to where I can't help you. I told you that before you left. There is nothing I can do for you."

Barry felt a lump begin to form in his throat. He stared at Joe, feeling like there was something he should know but didn't. He looked around the room, and was just starting to get an inkling of what it was when Joe pointed at his face.

"I thought that healed up."

Barry put a hand to his jaw where the burn had been. It felt moist and sticky. He pulled his hand back to see his fingers smeared with blood. He stared at them.

There was blood on his hand.

"That's not right." He murmured. He looked at Joe, who seemed to be waiting for something, and then at the walls. "It's not right at all."

The walls were a deep russet color.

"No, this is wrong."

He looked back at Joe, but the sunlight was so bright he could barely see him. He squinted, barely making out his outline. The lump in his throat grew. He looked at the blood on his hand again.

"This is wrong!"

Barry woke with a start.

It was four in the morning, but Barry got up anyway. He crept downstairs quietly so he wouldn't wake Iris and settled on the couch. He left the lights off. He didn't want to see the walls, and it felt appropriate to sit in the shadows right now.

He felt his face and realized that the burn was now fully healed. But that didn't make him feel much better.

Barry hadn't realized how things would change when he'd saved his mother. Some things, like Iris and his parents, were better than he ever could have dreamed. The incredible joy those things gave him had helped mask his guilt for a while, but obviously it was starting to manifest itself in different ways. The freshness of his new life was wearing off as he discovered more and more about this timeline, and while the happiness found in Iris and his parents would never diminish, it couldn't hide the fact that it had come at a very heavy price. A weight was starting to build in his chest, a heavy ache that wouldn't go away.

He realized that last night's successful test run was probably what had pulled his guilt out and laid it bare. Before then he had been too busy investigating the changes, which enabled him to think about it less. And he had been too busy enjoying the dream come true he was living.

Last night it had been wonderful being the Flash again, and doing it with Iris as his partner had been one of the best parts. But the success of it had pushed home the point that he was truly moving on from that other timeline, and there was no going back.

If there was no going back there was no Joe. No S.T.A.R. Labs and all the good that had come to and from the team there. There was no other timeline anymore.

There was no Joe. Barry swallowed the lump in his throat.

Barry thought back on the memories of that other life. He had suffered, and he had suffered a lot. More than he deserved, certainly. But even then he had been blessed with amazing gifts. Taken in by Joe and Iris. His relationship with Joe. Joe being alive at all. Getting his powers. Helping people. His friends at S.T.A.R. Labs. And he couldn't deny that while he and others had suffered, most of them seemed to have emerged in a better place than before. So many in the city had benefited from one person's suffering.

But now no one was in a better place but him. Well to be fair, his parents were too. But so many more were suffering, whether they knew it or not, so that he could benefit. But Barry knew it. He wasn't sure he could live with that.

Maybe it was better that one or two people suffer if it benefited so many others, instead of the reverse.

It was close to dawn when Iris came down the stairs looking for him. It only took her one look to realize that something was on his mind. The sun hadn't come up quite yet. He was sitting on the couch in the darkness, his face resting on his hand, staring at nothing.

"Barry?" His head turned towards her, and she came into the room to sit next to him on the couch. "What's wrong?"

Barry didn't meet her eyes, but he didn't hold anything else back.

"I'm not sure I can live with this. I changed things, and now everyone is different. Joe is gone, my friends are different and not in a good way. I feel like my selfish desires have made everyone else suffer. Even you."

She placed a hand on the back of his where it was resting on his knee. He immediately flipped it over so he could wrap his fingers around hers. She took a moment before she spoke.

"I understand how you must be feeling. I'm sorry, it must be so hard."

Barry squeezed her hand. 'It's not just hard. It's impossible. Because I wanted things my way I denied people their rightful futures, and your father his life even! How could I do that?"

"You didn't do it on purpose. It's not your fault."

"Yes it is. I started this in motion. Even if I didn't know it, I'm still responsible." Still holding her hand, he passed his other hand over his eyes.

Iris gave him a look of compassion. "Barry, I understand what you're saying, I really do. I'm sorry, but I really don't see what choice you have now. It's done. You're not suggesting going back and changing it, are you?"

Barry's head came up as his gaze met hers. She knew him too well. Better than he knew himself sometimes, it seemed. It was only as she said it that he realized the idea had been lurking in the back of his mind since he woke up.

The idea of going back to that night again made him feel ill. The possibility of letting his mother be murdered made him want to vomit. He couldn't do it. How could he ever do that? Neither of his parents deserved the fate that came with it. He gulped down the emotions that overwhelmed him. It took him a few minutes to be able to speak, and when he did his voice was tight and muted.

"What- what happened to my parents. It just happened. It took place, and even though I hated it and it controlled my life from that moment on, there was nothing I could do about it. If it was anyone's fault it was the man in yellow's fault. But this timeline, I made it happen. I caused it. The responsibility is all mine."

He looked at her, fighting back tears. She returned his look, and he could see the aching inside she was enduring on his behalf. She felt for him. He couldn't understand why she didn't hate him for essentially killing her father.

He looked her full in the face. "Why aren't you telling me to fix this? You'd get your father back."

She returned his look evenly, looking slightly exasperated that he didn't get it. "Because, Barry. Getting my father back means letting your mother die. I don't want that either."

He stared at her. There it was. She had put it plainer than he ever could have. If he wanted to fix this timeline, the only other option with a known outcome was to let the other one happen. Going back to fix any other thing would again bring unforeseen consequences, and after this experience Barry realized it was far too big a risk. The devil you know…

He had traded a life for a life. To fix it he would have to do the same thing. He felt sick.

Iris continued with a small shrug. "When you changed things, you did it without understanding what would happen. This is worse. Now you would have to decide who lives and who dies. I know I never want to have to make that choice. And I never want you to have to either. How could I love you and want you to hurt like that? You're right. We are not God. I don't want that responsibility for either of us. What's been done is already done. I think we should push through and deal with this timeline."

Barry looked at her, realizing that she was choosing to suffer the loss of her father so that he in turn wouldn't have to suffer a loss. It only intensified his guilt. But he was also amazed at her selflessness in this matter. Anyone else would have let him have it by now.

He realized she was waiting for his answer to what she'd said. Barry nodded his understanding, but the look on his face was a mask of pain. "I don't know if I can live with it."

She moved closer on the couch, right up next to him so their arms could go around each other. She held him while he buried his face against her neck, clutching her tightly as if he was afraid she'd be ripped away.

Barry held her tight and remembered another night when he'd hugged her with the same desperation. Right in this room with light colored walls and Christmas decorations. Then he had told her he loved her and everything had changed between them. Best friends but not best friends, awkward stilted moments and the knowledge that she didn't feel the same way about him. Iris with Eddie. Him with Linda. The thought of giving up the woman who was now his fiancée to fix his mistake was unbearable. She was like a part of him now. He pushed the thoughts away; they held too much pain.

But living with the weight of what he'd done held just as much.

Barry couldn't hold back the dry sob that wracked out of him as he realized fully the horrible position he'd placed himself in. "Iris, what have I done?" She held him tighter.

When Barry's breathing had finally returned to normal Iris rubbed his back and murmured, "I know it hurts, Bear. We'll get through it together. It will be okay."

He allowed her to convince him for the moment, nodding his assent. But he knew this wasn't fully resolved. He couldn't just turn his back on it.

She looked at him for a moment before she smiled slightly. "I know what would help." His brows went up in a question. "Let's go get the Mardon brothers."

Barry thought a moment, and then let himself be diverted. "Okay. Let's do it."

They ate an early breakfast and got ready for their mission. Iris took the day off to mark such a momentous occasion. She and Barry went over their plans, and then she waited while Barry put on his suit and went to check on the hideout.

Barry slipped up to the barn and peeked inside. Finally, something was going his way. The Mardon brothers were there, and they were busy checking their weapons. They had a lot of guns. Their mustang was parked inside, just like before. Barry took note of everything he could before he slipped away and headed home. He and Iris had agreed that night would be the best time to apprehend them, since they would have the cover of darkness as an advantage. After all, there were two of them. Barry could only run them in one at a time.

In the end, after two years of waiting and the suspense of getting through the day until nightfall, it was a tempest in a teapot.

Clyde Mardon didn't have powers this time, which made things a whole lot easier. Barry used his speed to remove their gun supply before he moved in on the brothers, which was a good idea. The two men stared in confusion as their guns disappeared rapidly. Iris listened on the line at home and allowed herself a giggle imagining their reactions.

What wasn't a good idea was forgetting to check the brothers to see if they were carrying. Which they were.

Of course they were, Barry caught himself thinking as each one pulled a pistol from his waistband. They're the Mardon brothers!

Both men opened fire, and Barry found himself twisting and contorting to avoid the hail of bullets coming his way. One, two, three bullets sailed past his chest. Another two missed his head. The rest were a bit tricky as Barry barely got a leg out of the way before a bullet caught it. He could only imagine Iris's reaction if he came home with a bleeding bullet wound. A thousand times worse that Caitlin, probably.

Iris froze at the sound of gunfire but had enough sense not to start talking to Barry. The last thing he needed was a distraction.

As soon as he had cleared the cloud of bullets, Barry moved around them and grabbed Mark from behind. He propelled him straight into one of the barn supports, knocking him cold.

"One down." Barry murmured. The satisfying clunk of Mark's head meeting wood had reached Iris's ears over the line, and she gave a grim smile.

Clyde threw his empty gun at Barry and attempted to make it to the mustang. He made it about three steps. Barry grabbed him by the shirtfront and hit him hard in the face. Clyde hit the ground, bleeding profusely. Barry moved over him. Iris's voice came over the line.

"Barry, is he still conscious?"

"Yes."

"That won't do, will you hit him again for me, please?"

"Anything for you."

Barry raised his eyebrows and cocked his head at Clyde, waiting to see what he was going to do. Clyde spat blood and lurched to his feet, taking a wild and completely uncontrolled swing at him.

"Thank you!" Barry practically sang as he hit Mardon again, this time in the jaw. Clyde didn't move once he hit the ground. He was now out like his brother. Barry couldn't hold in a grin. That felt really good.

"Is he out?"

"Yeah."

Iris sighed in dismay. "Damn. I was hoping you'd get to hit him again."

Barry laughed. "If they wake up on their way to the police station I promise I'll hit them some more."

Iris smiled, content. "You sure do know how to sweet talk a girl, Barry Allen."

She could practically hear the swaggering, cocky grin that accompanied his reply. "I'm a smooth talker. I know what the ladies like."

Barry had the brothers tied up and delivered in record time. There was quite a disturbance in the police station as a windstorm delivered two notorious bank-robbing murderers in quick succession, tied up and bleeding. Barry caught sight of a surprised Eddie during the second delivery. The blond could only say "What the-" before Barry cut him off.

"For Joe West." Barry warbled in his disguised voice, and then was gone.

Eddie's brow furrowed. He'd heard of Joe West. He had been killed before Eddie transferred in. He looked at the two trussed up men. By the Mardon brothers. His mouth curved in a smile.

On his way out Barry also noted Captain Singh and even Detective Chyre. The only problem was that they saw him too. They saw way too much of him too. Their startled exclamations, not about a blur but a man in a red suit, caught his ears.

That was when he realized how slow he was going.

It was a surprise because he thought he'd been going pretty fast.

Once he was out of the station Barry paused around the corner in an alleyway and took stock of his condition. He felt fine. He looked himself up and down. There were no injuries slowing him down. Good thing this hadn't happened earlier when he was dodging bullets. Barry leaned against a building, thinking.

But the burn had taken longer to heal than it should have. Iris had teased him this morning when he ate half of what he usually ate and declared himself full. Come to think of it, he hadn't eaten in hours and he didn't feel hungry at all.

And the slowness felt familiar. Like the first time Blackout had fed off him and he had run away, but so much slower than he felt like he should be going, before he had been fed off again and completely lost all his powers.

The realization was just sinking in when Iris came over the line. His breathing must have been really harsh for her to hear it.

"Barry, is everything okay?"

"I- I feel strange. Like once before when I lost my powers."

Iris could hear the distress in his voice, so she kept hers as calm as she could make it. "Is your speed gone?"

"No. But I feel slowed."

"Do you need to eat?"

"I don't know."

"Should I come get you?"

Barry deliberated. Finally he replied. "No, I'm going to run a bit and see if I can work through it. I'll let you know."

Iris bit her lip. "Okay."

Barry shook himself out a few times, bouncing on the balls of his feet and preparing to run. He set off for the freeway, wanting to give himself a good stretch of road.

He could feel the lag as he got going, slowing his run. It felt like he was trying to move through waist high mud. He pushed harder. He could feel his teeth grit together and his leg muscles tense as he tried to go faster. For a few minutes he really thought it was a useless effort, until suddenly it felt a bit easier. He pushed even more. It eased up again. He gave it everything he had, and in one beat everything became fluid again. His speed increased in a matter of milliseconds. He raced up the freeway ramp and hit the freeway at several hundred miles per hour.

Everything was back to normal again.

Barry slowed his speed somewhat but continued running, just to maintain what he'd regained. And he needed time to think.

Deep down, he thought he knew what this meant. He should have seen it coming.

He was pretty sure that this was not going to be an isolated incident. Because he had saved his mother he had never been a CSI. He had never been in the lab the night the accelerator had exploded, and he had never been struck by lightning.

He was losing his powers.

Right now they were flickering, dimming and coming back, but Barry was almost positive that in time, as this timeline became the permanent one, his powers would vanish for good.

The implications were staggering. It was like losing part of his identity. The thought of that loss hurt, just like before. But it also perversely made him feel better that he was sacrificing something for this timeline, rather than just gaining from it. But was he making a sacrifice or failing the city even further? How could he give back to this timeline, how could he help people with no powers?

Plus, if he was going to change anything back, he had limited time to do it.

Barry was only just beginning to grapple with the full range of possibilities when Iris came over the line again.

"Barry, I hear the sound of rushing wind. Is it better?"

"Yes. I was just running a bit to think."

"Where are you?"

"On the freeway heading south."

"Oh, actually that's good. The police scanner just reported an accident at a bridge on the southbound freeway a few minutes ago. Several cars. Do you want to take a look? Or do you not feel up to it?"

Barry pushed his problems away. "No, no I can check to make sure everyone is okay. Thanks."

It only took a minute before Barry was on the scene. Five cars were in various positions along a freeway bridge, crunched together following their collisions. Barry scanned the various drivers and passengers on his way in. Besides a few minor cuts and scrapes most seemed all right. Everyone was getting out of their cars to assess the damage and looked to be fully functioning.

Barry continued up to the first car. It was sitting in a different position than the others, straddling the lanes crosswise horizontal to the bridge. The car behind it had perfectly T-boned it on the driver's side door. But when Barry reached the car there was no one in it. Several windows were blown out, but there wasn't a person amid the broken glass. He straightened up and looked around, wondering if they had already gotten out. A cry for help caught his attention. As he leaned over the bridge he could see a middle-aged man holding on to an iron support, dangling above the deep ravine underneath. He was absolutely terrified.

"Help me! Please!"

Barry wasted no time retrieving him. Once they were both safely back on the bridge the man sank to his knees, trying to come to grips with what had just happened. Barry kneeled down too, ignoring the curious onlookers that were starting to gather.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah…Yeah." The man was gasping huge breaths of air. He barely seemed to notice how Barry was dressed. "I was driving. And this red lightning came out of nowhere, and when it went in front of me I swerved to avoid it and my car slid sideways. It was like all in slow motion, the other car was coming right at me, they couldn't slow down fast enough, and I figured I was toast. Then the window in the passenger door behind me shattered, and it was like I was just yanked right out of the car. But then I just ended up dangling from a bridge, and I'm hanging on for dear life! What a night! I mean, what the hell!?"

The color ran out of Barry's face as he listened. Red lightning. He stood up, scanning the area. He was miles out of the city. He looked at the accident, deliberately caused to get his attention. He looked at the man, removed from his car and dangled like bait so Barry would rescue him. His activities as the Flash last night would have garnered some attention and chatter. The Flash was back to work. It would be easy to know Barry was listening to a police scanner.

This had all the earmarks of a trap. Or a diversion. "Oh no." He breathed.

Iris had been listening in quietly. But now Barry's tone made her sit up straight.

"Barry?"

"Iris, call my parents and tell them to get out of the house. Get them somewhere safe."

His low, urgent tone told her everything she needed to know. Hers almost mirrored his when she replied.

"Is it him?"

"Just do it now."

"I'm on it."

The open line on Barry's bluetooth went dead as Iris hung up to call his mom and dad. Barry turned a full circle, scanning the surrounding area. His eyes caught red light, just for a moment, up on the hillside off the road. He knew what it was.

Or rather, who it was.

Barry stared at the spot, waiting. Sure enough, more red lightning flashed as his enemy streaked away into the woods.

Barry set off in pursuit of the Reverse Flash.