Sorry for the rapid updates, these chapters have been rolling around for awhile and I just needed to get them out. :) It will probably slow down a bit after this, but I rarely go a week without updating, never fear.

Fair warning, this is dark. But I know where I'm going with it and have had it plotted out for awhile, so hang in there things will get better!

Thanks to all you wonderful readers, and the reviews you have left! I read and appreciate every review. Thanks for taking the time to leave them.

Shout out to guests tadz, MidnightMoon, kalem, and guest (sorry there is no name left with it, but I think you are the same one who has been commenting for a while now) I can't respond to you since you are a guest, but all your comments are awesome.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you are enjoying this story despite the very heavy feels! :)

Chapter 9

When Barry and Iris returned to his parent's house after the sun had set, the mood of both couples had become solemn. The full impact of the situation had hit them all once they stopped distracting themselves from it.

As Barry stepped into the house he looked at his parents, standing close together. He could feel Iris's hand in his, holding tight. He looked at each person; taking in their various states of seriousness.

"Are you guys still sure about all this? I know it's a lot to ask." He waited, not entirely sure what he would do if one of them told him straight out they weren't going to go along with it.

Nora spoke first. "I always felt that these years were different somehow, because I knew I was supposed to die that night. Now I know why." Barry nodded, giving her a tiny smile.

Iris squeezed his hand. "Some things are meant to happen. Some are good, some are bad. There's no sense fighting it." She stared directly into his eyes. He knew she was telling him that they belonged together no matter what. He squeezed her hand back because he couldn't trust himself to speak.

Henry was looking at them, his face inscrutable. Barry looked at him, waiting. Finally Henry found words. "I trust you, son. If you say it's better, I believe you."

Barry blinked rapidly, because he knew that his father understood that it wasn't better for him or Nora. Their sacrifice was the worst part, and yet they were willing. He couldn't stop himself apologizing one more time. "I'm sorry-"

Henry held up a hand to stop him. "None of that. You promised us a show, remember?" He put on a smile for his son.

Barry swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. Okay. Well, I think the best view for you would be from the top of a building downtown. You should be able to see me pretty well in the dark."

Iris held up bluetooth devices. "Also, we figured you'd want to be in on the conversation. I can get us all in on a conference call."

Henry rubbed his hands together. "Let's get to it."

Barry took them up to the top of a tall building one at a time. He ran Henry up first, because his father was the most anxious to experience it. He stumbled a bit when Barry put him down on the roof, and then whooped.

"Oh that's amazing!" He looked like a little kid again. Barry couldn't help but laugh.

Nora was next, and when Barry dropped her off he did it a bit slower, to allow her to get her feet under her. She leaned on her husband and managed a breathless laugh. "Well, that's a first!"

Iris was used to it by now, so when she arrived it was with grace and very little stumbling. She shared a look with Barry's parents, who were busy giggling together.

"Definitely a different way to travel, isn't it?"

Barry was shaking his head and smiling. He looked out over the city, taking in the many buildings and beautiful view.

After they made sure all bluetooths were functioning and everyone was present in the conference call, Barry ran back down the building. His parents stared as they watched the golden lightning that trailed his red blur.

Once on the ground, Barry did a couple laps around the block to give the group a good look. He did it slightly slower so they could really see. Going too fast made it so much more difficult to catch with the naked eye. Then he chose the street that ran perpendicular to their building and ran straight up it for several miles. He stopped and returned. Henry was laughing out loud, watching with rapt attention.

Iris was standing next to Nora, who was watching with a soft smile on her face. Iris glanced her way. "You doing okay?" She couldn't hide the concern in her voice.

Nora smiled at her, looking strangely at peace. "All these years have been a gift. I can't regret them. And I'll never regret having a son…and a daughter." She reached for Iris and laid her hand on the younger woman's arm. Iris blinked back tears as she hugged her.

Both had forgotten they were on a conference call.

Barry heard it all and almost missed a step. He swallowed the ever-larger lump in his throat as he pondered the connections the Allen family and the West family always seemed to have, no matter what timeline. Maybe some things really were meant to be.

Barry heard a sudden cry for help and automatically turned toward it, deviating from his course back to his parents. It was habit by now, developed over months of patrols. In less than a second Barry had stopped a would-be mugger and left the intended victim holding her purse and the criminal's gun. It was his favorite method, turning the tables on a mugger so quickly. Let them see what it's like. He stopped around the corner of the nearest building to make sure the mugger would run away instead of trying anything stupid. And he did. After a surprised exclamation and a quick look around, the woman tucked the gun in her purse and hurried on her way. Barry relaxed against the building, laughing slightly.

Henry's voice came over his comm. "Son, what was that?"

"Oh, nothing Dad, I just heard an attempted mugging and took care of it."

There was a beat of surprised silence. Then his dad's voice came in, sounding like it had when he was eleven. "Way to go, slugger!"

Barry laughed. "I didn't hit him, Dad. I just-" Barry broke off as he finally registered the vibrations he was feeling. They were coming from the wall he was leaning on. "Wait. Hold on, one second."

Barry faced the wall and put a hand on it. It was definitely vibrating. He could hear an electric hum now that spoke of huge amounts of power being utilized inside. Barry backed up to get a better view of the building itself. It was huge. He moved around it toward the front, looking for a name or other identifying factor. The entire building was ablaze with lights. Barry stared at it a moment, and then realized why it looked familiar. It was the Mercury Labs building, the one he had spotted in the car with Iris that first day. The one with an unknown purpose.

Barry looked it up and down. Something else was tickling his memory. He needed a different angle. He headed back to the group. "I'm on my way back. I need to check something."

When he reached the roof of the building with the rest, he could tell they knew something was off. But he didn't have time to explain, and he was pretty sure he didn't have the words yet anyway. He pulled off his hood and mask and looked down at the building, letting his mind wander where it wanted to hoping to find the connection. The others waited in tense silence. Iris disconnected their conference call.

When it hit him, Barry stopped breathing for a moment. Martin Stein had been right; most scientists didn't have an appreciation for the value of aesthetics. While Harrison Wells had built his with a bit of style, Tina McGee had built hers with more utilitarianism. But the basics of the structure were the same.

Barry remembered how much Dr. McGee had valued privacy when it came to Mercury Labs. Barry himself had successfully managed to get the tachyon prototype to use in the trap for the Reverse Flash, and he had done it by threatening to make some of their work public. Harrison Wells had the spotlight on his project from the start, but Tina had built hers in secret.

It was a particle accelerator.

And judging by the humming and vibrating, it had just gone active.

"Oh no, no, no." Barry breathed. His mind was rapidly connecting the dots, making a full picture in mere seconds.

It was going to explode.

Deep down, Barry knew it. This is what the Reverse Flash had referred to. This is what was coming. Something was going to go wrong with this one too.

And it was already too late.

Barry remembered Cisco telling him about that night, how their attempts to shut it down when things went wrong were useless. But this time it was going to be so much worse.

Because there was no Ronnie Raymond there to sacrifice his life and make sure the blast went up instead of out.

The explosion of a building that size with that much force would be catastrophic to the city. Many would die. Maybe Barry could get his parents and Iris out of danger, and maybe he could save some others, but he couldn't empty the entire city in time. Maybe the entire city wouldn't be killed, but those that didn't might be affected and become metahumans. Maybe a young man would be struck by lightning. Maybe it would be Barry himself. Again. The universe would have righted itself and continued the path it wanted to be on. Heroes and metahumans.

At the cost of thousands of lives.

Barry could almost feel the stretch and impending snap back of the timeline. Just like a rubber band.

"Beware the sting."

He was barely aware that he'd murmured the words aloud. Iris, who was standing closest to him, looked at his face and felt her heart sink. He looked horrified.

Barry turned to the group. "It's a particle accelerator and it's going to blow. We need to get down off here now."

He barely gave them a chance to comprehend his words, much less respond to them before he quickly raced them back down to the ground one at a time. Once they were all down, Barry ushered them around the corner. He wasn't even sure why, it probably didn't matter at all. But it felt right.

They stopped as a group. Henry met his eyes. "This is it, isn't it?" His tone could not have been more serious.

Barry nodded. He couldn't stop himself from throwing glances over his shoulder every few seconds. Almost as if on cue, he could hear the humming increase. It was getting louder. He could tell there wasn't much time. "I need to get you out of here-"

The humming progressed to a mechanical whining sound, growing uncomfortably loud. Nora and Iris grabbed each other, fear beginning to show on their faces. Henry grabbed Barry's arm.

"Son!" He was practically yelling now to be heard over the whining and now the rumbling coming from the building. "We're out of time, you need to go!" Barry looked into his eyes, ready to argue. Henry cut him off. "You know what you need to do! Go! Run!"

Barry stared at him, and for one moment he almost refused. Finally he hugged his father, knowing it was for the last time. Henry squeezed him hard, trying to show him how much he was loved. Barry whispered "I love you, dad." But he honestly couldn't tell if Henry heard him or not.

Barry turned to his mother and hugged her tightly. He fought back tears and told her he loved her too. She in turn whispered "One more life, Barry." She let him go, stepping close to Henry.

Barry lifted Iris off the ground their embrace was so fierce. He stared into her eyes. "I will always love you, Iris."

The look she gave him was stubborn and determined. "I will always love you like this." She kissed him one last time.

The ground shook under their feet. Barry let go of her and stepped back, pulling his hood and mask into place. He took in his family for a final moment. His parents were side by side. Iris stood in front of them. Each had an arm wrapped around her protectively. Barry wanted to say something more, do something more. His father could see it and had to yell over the noise again.

"Barry, go! Hurry! Run Barry!"

Barry ran, hating every step he took.

Once he was out of sight Henry took an arm of each woman and led them down the street. The noise and shaking were getting worse. They headed for a subway entrance and hurried down it, hoping the blast would miss them. The shaking and rumbling were reaching a fevered pitch. Many others had the same idea, there were already people gathered. The lights began to flicker. They put their backs to a wall and slid down to sit huddled together. Henry wrapped an arm around each of his girls and held on tight. Nora looked into his face. Iris looked up at both of them, holding the ring on a chain around her neck. Henry looked at Iris, and then into his wife's eyes. He managed a smile.

"If these last fifteen years were a dream, I'm glad I dreamed them with you."

The particle accelerator exploded.

Barry wasn't even out of the city when it happened, and even though there was reluctance in every step, it wasn't for lack of trying.

His powers were fading again. He had only run several blocks before he felt it. The slowed pace like running through waist-high mud again.

He pushed harder, hoping to break through like he had last time. Nothing.

"C'mon!" He gritted under his breath, trying desperately. He was starting to clear the downtown area but had so much further to go, at this rate he wouldn't escape the blast radius much less time travel.

He felt the explosion behind him. It rocked the ground, throwing off his footing. He stumbled and kept going. Shockwaves rolled out, combined with the strange red glow that he had seen once before from the window of his lab. He didn't turn around to see how bad it was, but he could tell it was bad. Really bad. The sound of collapsing buildings turning to rubble filled the air with a roaring sound. It sounded like the explosion when Ronnie and Martin Stein had separated, but at the same time so much worse because Barry knew there were far more people involved. He tried not to think of the ones he had just left behind.

He ran as fast as his body would allow him but it wasn't fast enough. Instead of becoming more fluid everything seemed to be tightening up, like machinery bound up on itself. Dust clouds rolled up and began to overtake him. He started to cough, tears forming as his eyes burned. He could feel debris and pieces of rubble pelting the backs of his legs.

He wasn't going to make it. He was going to die here, and by doing so he will have failed anyone he ever cared about and the city as well. He might as well have stayed behind and died with the people he loved-

Barry was so caught up in the futility of his circumstances that he didn't even see the approaching yellow blur coming from his left. A bare second before impact, he realized there was another speedster coming right at him.

The Reverse Flash came at him fast and hit Barry full force in the small of his back.

The man in yellow tucked a shoulder as he did, ramming Barry like a linebacker. Barry yelled in surprise as he was hit and boosted, speeding him up far faster than he had been previously going. He tried to match his legs to the speed he was now approaching.

The jump-start seemed to jar Barry's powers loose, because suddenly he was gaining speed again. Everything loosened up and became fluid. Barry accelerated, sparing a look behind him.

Hitting Barry had slowed the Reverse Flash down, and Barry could barely see him amid the rubble and dust now rolling over him. He had risked himself to get Barry out. Barry understood what the man had done, and he understood why.

He was almost grateful, except for the knowledge of what he was being pushed back to do.

He left the ruined city behind and ran full out, giving it everything he had. It took longer than before, and Barry was a quarter of the way to Starling City when he finally felt the familiar sensation he now associated with time travel.

He felt energy in every cell, the world slowed around him. Barry tried to push down emotions as he ran, but it wasn't going well. He really didn't want to go back. Stress began to overtake him before he even felt the familiar shockwaves.

Maybe it was his current emotional state, but the shockwaves buffeted him far more than before as he entered the space-time continuum. He raced past the flickering images, trying desperately to ignore them. But they pulled at him, they flickered around him.

They tormented him.

Unlike before, when they had all seemed a little out of focus because they were a new timeline, the images of this past were now sharply defined.

He ran past the night he'd first told Iris that he loved her. He ran past their first kiss. Their first date.

He ran past his thirteenth birthday party, where his mother had made him a cake decorated with his favorite comic book heroes. His father had surprised him and his friends halfway through as a costumed hero.

He ran past the quiet talks, the bonding moments, the sheer joy. It didn't feel joyful anymore. All he could feel was the pain. He choked back his emotions and kept going.

The night of his mother's attack was the same image as before: The man in the yellow suit. He could feel anger boiling up just looking at it.

He ran straight to it. For once he didn't stumble as he hit solid ground. He never missed a step. He headed straight to the house in darkness.

He honestly knew that if he tripped and fell, he'd never make it there. He could not stop moving.

There were no pauses in this fight. There were no words spoken by the two combatants. No evil monologue, no heroic lines. It was fast and quick and dirty. It took a few minutes tops.

When Barry reached the house he went straight in. He didn't hesitate like he had before. He didn't spend time thinking or applying strategy. All the times he been told to keep his emotions under control, all the lessons he'd been taught about not allowing his emotions to control a fight were disregarded. Barry gave them full rein. He was angry, he was in pain, and he wanted the Reverse Flash to hurt. It was better to follow his instincts anyway. It was the only way to let the events unfold.

He wanted to hurt the Reverse Flash. He was the reason all of this was happening in the first place.

Barry burst into the house and ran straight at the Reverse Flash, charging him with his head down. Same as before, the other man caught him mid-charge and whirled. Barry crashed into a table, shattering it and the vase it held.

Nora was still in the center of the room. She instinctively fell to her knees as the fight began, trying to make herself as small as possible.

Barry got up and went for the other man again, hitting the hand holding the knife. It fell to the carpet. He hit the Reverse Flash hard in the face. Blood flowed. A beat later Barry felt a punch in the gut and another to his own face. They were both bleeding now. Blood flew off them both as they moved around the room. Barry attacked again, punching anywhere he could reach.

Nora found her voice much sooner.

"Henry! Henry!"

Barry and his enemy were now moving around the room. The resulting wind blew open cabinet doors and strewed the room with papers. The chandelier swung in a drunken circle up above. Every time Barry got close, the other man moved away. They went back and forth with Barry mostly in pursuit. Projectiles were flying everywhere.

"Mom! Mooom!" Barry's eleven-year-old self had made it downstairs.

"Barry don't, stay back! Don't let it touch you!"

Hearing the repeat of those memories word for word made Barry even more out of control. He lunged at the Reverse Flash and was thrown backward. He crashed right through the window and landed outside. Instantly he came back in the same way.

"Nora!" Henry had arrived on the scene. "Hold on!"

Barry's mother screamed in fear. Her words floated back to him. She had been afraid her family would be hurt or killed. Now they were both right here. The Reverse Flash was bending over to pick up the knife again, and Barry had no idea who it was truly intended for.

It only took a second for Barry to realize what had actually happened to him that night.

"Run Barry, run!" His father's voice was speaking to the child Barry.

What he didn't know was that he was speaking to his adult son too.

Barry grabbed his younger self and ran.

Barry left his younger self twenty blocks from their house and ran as fast as he could. Tears flew off his face as he moved; choking breaths carried the sound of a wounded animal. Blood was running from the cut on his mouth.

He ran fast and hard, moving away as quickly as possible. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to remember it.

He headed for the field that S.T.A.R. Labs would eventually be on. He hit time travel speed the fastest he ever had. He could tell that he wouldn't be lagging again. He wasn't losing his powers anymore, but he didn't want to recognize why.

Shock waves battered at him again, and he was moving past images and memories of Joe and Iris. Joe sitting by his bed at night. His father in prison. Iris holding his arm and laughing. Iris sitting next to him in quiet silence. The lightning. His fights as the Flash. The rooftop of Jitters with Iris. Christmas. Iris kissing Eddie in Jitters. His father's beaten face in a prison hospital bed.

As he moved he became aware of a sound he hadn't heard before when in the continuum. It was harsh and raw. It was never-ending and full of pain. It hurt his throat.

It was him.

Barry was screaming as he ran. He couldn't hold it in. He couldn't stop it. It flowed out of him like blood from a fatal wound.

Images of this past merged together, flickering in a wave of endless memories. Iris and Eddie, Captain Singh, Cisco and Dr. Wells and Caitlin. Oliver and Joe. Always Joe. Always Iris. Iris and Joe. Joe. Iris. Joe.

Joe.

Joe's face is what he barreled toward this time, and he hit it with the power of a locomotive. Still screaming, he blew through the shockwaves and landed prone on the still moving treadmill. It shot him backwards into the wall of the treadmill room. Styrofoam peanuts exploded into the air as he crushed the buffering boxes. A row landed on top of him and he lay there, breathing heavily. He had finally stopped screaming. He had finally stopped moving. He closed his eyes as images continued to swirl in his mind.

Joe barely had time to realize how terrified he was for Barry when suddenly he returned.

He came through screaming, bloody and out of control. Heart still pounding, Joe watched as Barry hit the boxes and disappeared under a pile of them.

Peanuts were still floating through the air as Joe ran into the room and began pulling boxes off the pile. Eventually he uncovered Barry, but Barry didn't move. He was lying on his side with his back to Joe. Joe could see him breathing heavily, but he was still a bit cautious as he approached. He bent down and put a hand on the young man's shoulder.

"Barry?" He pulled, and rolled Barry onto his back.

Barry opened his eyes. He fought through the barrage of images still swirling in his head and was finally able to focus on the face in front of him. Joe's worried face solidified into reality.

After everything that had just happened, Joe's face was one Barry needed to see most. He lurched up and wrapped his arms around Joe's neck, clutching him tightly. Joe wobbled and fell over, then put his arms around Barry's shoulders to hug him back.

Barry clung to him and wept like a child.

The sinking feeling in his gut told Joe he had been very right to be terrified.