Happy Tuesday! :)
Have another chapter before an episode tonight!
Hope you enjoy it, things are clicking along now.
Thanks for reading, and as always thanks for your reviews and support!

Special shout out to guest commenters:

KyannaLashae (Glad you liked the happiness, I know this fic has been much more angsty! Hopefully some more happiness is on its way! *hugs*)

kalem, I think you are pretty harikasin yourself! :) You are awesome and have been giving me lovely comments from very early on, thank you! I know what you mean, sometimes I wish I could discover something after it all comes out so I can gorge on it!

All you awesome people leaving reviews that have accounts, I swear I read and appreciate every single one. I keep meaning to send you a quick PM to thank each of you, but then I sit down and write a chapter...sorry! *hugs*

Chapter 14

It was a few days later when Barry actually worked up the courage to do it. He texted with Iris and made sure she was coming over that evening after work. He took his suit with him from S.T.A.R. Labs that day and did not schedule a patrol. He made it home before Joe and waited.

He was terribly nervous. This was almost like time travel. The consequences were difficult to foresee and could last a long time. Looking back he could now see how naïve he'd been to think he could just go to the past and start messing with established events. And he'd been foolish not tell Iris everything the first chance he got once he woke up. His powers would stay with him the rest of his life. It had been incredibly shortsighted not to see how keeping that secret from her long term would change things.

He sat in the chair next to the couch and held his hands together, trying to stop the slight shaking. When Iris came though the door finally, he took a deep breath and rubbed his neck one more time. He stood up as she came in.

She took one look at him and knew something was different. "Barry, what's up?" Her tone was almost cautious as she came down the steps to the living room. He had that look on his face. So close to the one he'd worn when he'd told her he loved her. She wasn't ready to go there yet, but at the same time her pulse quickened.

Barry stared at her a moment, remembering the last time he'd done this. In the backyard. In another time. He could do it. He could. His mouth was dry. Just like Christmas, he hugged her one last time. She returned it, sensing his distress as always. But she was already tensing up.

Barry stepped back. "I need to show you something."

"Okay." The word was slow and drawn out, cautious.

She waited. He exhaled, then stared at the ceiling a moment. Finally he met her eyes.

"I should have told you this a long time ago. I'm so sorry I didn't. Things that have happened lately helped me realize I shouldn't have kept it secret from you. But before I tell you, I just want to say thank you."

Her look was guarded, uneasy. "For what?"

"For believing in me. You're right. Having someone believe in me is a small, really really big thing." He left and immediately returned with his suit on, fully masked. "It meant a lot to me."

Her hair was still floating back to her shoulders as he finished talking. He watched the emotions play across her face almost in slow motion. At first the look on her face was amazement as she experienced that familiar rush of wind that meant the Flash had arrived. Then, as she stared at him he watched her face go from amazement to comprehension to disbelief to hurt to anger…and then rage.

He saw it coming.

He also saw the picture frame she picked up and threw at him, but only because of his speed powers. Her anger made her amazingly fast. He caught it before it hit his head and put it on the chair next to him.

"You…you…you…" She was sputtering incoherently, unable to put words together. The urge to damage him was just too strong, so she picked up a porcelain figurine off the mantel and threw it too.

"Iris..." He caught the figurine as well. "Iris…" And the vase that followed. "Iris…" And the next picture frame. A pile was starting to form in the chair.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why would you keep something this big from me?" Iris was finally able to make words. "Why, Barry?"

"It was supposed to keep you safe." He was already prepared for another projectile.

She laughed. It was high-pitched and slightly hysterical. "Safe? Safe? How does keeping me in the dark make me safe? Since when do you get to decide?" She was looking for a new item to throw when the front door opened. Joe came in, looked up, and froze in place. Barry in his suit and mask and the look on his daughter's face were enough for him to know what had just happened.

"Barry!"

It was obviously a remonstration and the perfect indicator of his guilt. Iris picked up another porcelain figurine, but before she could throw it at her father Barry had already moved, grabbed Joe, and brought him back to where he'd been standing. He stood in front, ready to intercept the next object. It came in really fast. Barry caught it an inch from his head this time.

Joe's hands were on his own head. "What did you just do?!" Barry was already catching the candlestick and candle aimed at both of them, one in each hand.

"You know what I did."

"How could you keep me in the dark all this time? You lied to me!" The force of her next throw was impressive, but ultimately unfulfilling when Barry caught it again. She reached for the next item down the mantel.

"That was Grandma Esther's!" Joe cried in dismay.

There was a miniature pause as Iris let that sink in, placed the wooden box down and grabbed the next thing in line. It was a vase. But this time she didn't throw it at the two men practically cowering on the other side of the room. She slammed it onto the floor at her feet as hard as she could. The sound of shattering porcelain was deeply satisfying. It mirrored how they had shattered her trust in them. Pieces flew in all directions. When the sound of skittering shards coming to rest finally faded away Iris stood there, breathing hard, trying to decide if she wanted to throw anything else. The men just stood looking at her. Joe looked deeply distressed. Barry was watching her with sad, calm acceptance.

"I'm sorry, Iris." Barry truly meant it. She could see that even through his disguise.

She gritted her teeth and shook her head slightly. "Not good enough." She grabbed her things and took a few steps toward the door, then turned back.

"You said thank you for believing in you. But really, you didn't believe in me did you?"

She could tell she'd hit them hard. Joe looked crestfallen. Barry was swallowing hard the way he did when he was hurting inside. She wasn't sorry. She gave them a withering glare and headed out the door. She was so glad she had her own place now. She slammed the front door shut. Hard.

The sound echoed through the house. Both men stood where they were for longer than necessary. Barry slowly pulled off his hood and mask. He moved to put some of the items from the pile in the chair back in their places, but Joe intercepted him.

"Why did you tell her? What were you thinking?" He had his classic angry disapproving father look on. The one that usually made Barry retreat.

Barry returned his look evenly. "We never should have lied to her in the first place."

Joe turned away for a moment, obviously trying to keep himself under control. "You promised me! How can we keep her safe now?"

Barry shook his head ever so slightly. "I never should have made that promise. I'm sorry. But she wasn't safe before either. At least now she's informed. We can help her stay safe."

Joe's face reflected very real fear and very real anger. "What brought all this on?"

Barry looked at him. "I'm done lying to her. To keep the Flash a secret I'd have to lie to her our whole lives. It's not something I can do. I'm not going to lose her in this timeline too."

Joe could tell Barry had done some major thinking about this. He hadn't done it on a whim. That was something, at least. But fear of losing his daughter still gnawed at him, making it hard to think rationally. He pointed a shaking finger at Barry. "She better stay safe."

Barry nodded.

Joe turned away and headed for the stairs. He needed to be alone.

Barry replaced the items from the mantel and swept up broken pieces of vase. The other identical vase stood on the other side of the mantel. Once part of a matching set, now it was a solitary silhouette.

The next day Barry showed up at S.T.A.R. Labs early to pacify Dr. Wells. He spent some time on the treadmill running full out, but he still wasn't as fast as he had been. He promised to keep working on it.

He was finishing lunch in the main lab when Caitlin pulled up a chair and sat next to him.

"How are you?"

Barry paused slightly. "I'm fine, why?"

Caitlin gave him a stern look. "Barry, I know something's been wrong for a while. I'm not that clueless. But you didn't want to talk about it so I gave you your space. Do you want to talk about it now?"

Barry continued to wipe his mouth unnecessarily with a napkin to avoid answering. It wasn't that he minded talking to Caitlin. But his time travel issues were not ones he wanted everyone to know. It was too personal. There were too many emotions attached. There was really only one person he wanted to talk to about it now. But she wouldn't answer his calls.

Something of it must have shown on his face, because Caitlin leaned closer with concern. "Is it Iris? Are you two still having trouble?"

Barry latched onto the excuse gratefully. "Yeah. I told her I was the Flash. She's really angry. I just don't know if she'll ever forgive me."

Caitlin appeared to accept it as the main cause of all his previous distress as well. "Don't worry, she'll forgive you in time. Maybe she just needs space right now."

Barry nodded, tacking on an extra-saddened face for good measure. "Yeah. Thanks Caitlin." She smiled and stood to go. It was only then that Barry realized Dr. Wells had been at the desk behind them listening in. He looked deep in thought as he wheeled away.

Iris spent the day at work behind her computer. She was still angry. She was still hurt. Instead of working on her next article, she was replaying past memories in her head. Every lie she remembered Barry telling her just made her more upset. Every memory of Barry visiting her as the Flash felt humiliating. She snapped the pencil she was holding.

"Iris?" Iris looked up. Linda had been passing by and was now staring at her with some concern. "Are you okay?"

Iris shook her head but said nothing. This wasn't anything she could really talk about, and talking about it with Barry's ex-girlfriend seemed ill advised. But Linda was still waiting for an answer.

"I'm fine." Her very expression belied her words.

Linda sat next to her. She was direct, as always. "Is it Barry?"

Iris frowned at her keyboard. It was answer enough. Linda half smiled. "What did he do?"

Iris exhaled slowly. "He lied. He lied to me. We always told each other everything. And he's been lying."

Linda thought a moment. "Look, I know I haven't known you two all that long. And I have no right to get in the middle of it anymore. But Barry always seems to be the guy trying to make everyone around him happy. He still hasn't figured out that it's impossible to do that. I was hoping one day he'd figure out that he needs to make himself happy before he can worry about anyone else. Maybe he lied because he was trying to make someone else happy." She leaned back in her chair, adopting a lighter, dry tone. "Or maybe he's just a liar. It's not my call anymore."

Iris stared at her computer. Her screensaver image flipped and wobbled and bounced around the screen without really going anywhere. She pushed her thoughts away. "Linda, what are your plans for lunch?"

Linda's look was pure surprise. "Not much. Feel like some kind of pastry, actually."

Iris agreed with her. "Jitters has the best. Want to get some?"

Linda's mouth curved up. "Yeah. Let's go."

They were halfway through their cronuts when Linda brought it up again. "Please don't hate me for this. But maybe you should check with yourself and see how honest you've been with Barry lately too. Sometimes we lie to keep ourselves safe." Linda had a particularly knowing look in her eye. It was disconcerting.

Iris chewed thoroughly to avoid answering. She nodded, and then brought the topic around to work.

But she thought about it the rest of the day.

She thought about it on the way back from lunch, while she put on a smile and realized Linda was really fun.

She thought about it as she attempted to wrangle a story out of the remainder of her workday. She thought about it on the drive home. And she thought about it walking up to her apartment.

Right up until she spotted who was waiting outside her apartment door.

Barry was sitting on the floor, waiting for her to arrive. She stopped thinking about anything except how angry she still was.

He stood up as she approached. She took out her keys and moved past him. He stood awkwardly behind her as she unlocked her door.

"Iris-"

She cut him off. "I still don't want to talk to you." She had the door open now and walked inside. Barry followed. She threw her coat and bag over a chair, crossed her arms and waited with her eyebrows raised.

Barry gulped. This was going to be harder than he thought. He shut his eyes for a moment, remembering a night ages ago when they had lain on a blanket under the stars. He had explained time travel. He could do this. Memories whispered back to him, different times and words. His eyes popped open.

"I'm sorry."

"I know that." Her expression didn't change at all.

He nodded. "You have every right to be angry with me. I understand that I hurt you and broke our trust. I was trying to keep you safe, and I thought Joe was right at the time."

Iris shook her head slowly. It had been her father's idea. Why was she not surprised?

"I never should have lied. But I am done lying to you. Ask me anything. I'll answer it. I want us to be friends who tell each other everything again."

Tempting as that was, Iris was still in the grips of anger and the confusion Linda's comment had caused. She shook her head. "I said I don't want to talk to you right now."

Barry's disappointment was palpable, but he nodded. "Okay. I understand. I'll come back tomorrow." He turned to leave.

Irritated frustration burst out of her. "What makes you think I'd want to see you tomorrow? Or the next day? Or the day after that?"

Her voice was so sharp he whirled around, ready to start catching projectiles again. When he saw that her arms were still crossed he relaxed a little.

"I don't know when you'll want to see me again. I'll just keep coming back until you do."

Her brows knitted together. This was not how she'd expected the conversation to go.

"Why would you do that?"

Unbelievably, a smile spread across his face.

"Because. Once a beautiful, intelligent and amazing woman told me to fight for you. And that's what I'm going to do."

There was a beat of shocked silence as she registered his words. A riot of emotions were the reaction. Surprise, annoyance, indignation, happiness that she squashed immediately, and…jealousy. Who was this? Barry didn't know that many women. Especially ones he called beautiful, intelligent and amazing.

She wanted to call this woman an idiot, whoever she was, but that seemed a little over the top.

She settled for less. Her face was cold and removed when she finally answered. "Well, she's mistaken."

Again unexpectedly, Barry smiled at her a second time. This one was a bit sad, but still trusting. "I really hope not." He left her apartment and pulled the door closed behind him.

Iris glared at the closed door, arms still crossed.

Finally she spoke to the empty room.

"It better not be Linda."

Barry did come back the next day, but Iris was still angry. Once it was obvious that she still didn't want to talk to him, he left.

He came back the following day as well. And the next. And the one after that.

He came back every day that week. Iris just couldn't get herself to the place where she could bear to listen to him justify himself. She felt betrayed and hurt. Even when the anger became less the betrayal still stayed. It hurt terribly to imagine that the people she trusted most in the world would lie to her face, safety or not. Every time she saw Barry sitting outside her door emotions would rush in, helping her to push him away again.

As the week progressed Barry became more and more subdued. He was still determined to fight for Iris, but it looked like it was going to be a long battle. Joe was also a little chilly toward him. They talked and they ate dinner, but Barry could tell Joe was still harboring some anger that he had told Iris anything. She wasn't speaking to Joe either. Barry spent more time at S.T.A.R. Labs, but the team there seemed to be annoyed with him too. Try as he might, he just couldn't get back to the speed he had been at before he time traveled. The frustration in Dr. Wells was becoming more and more apparent.

Finally at the end of the week Dr. Wells pulled Barry aside again. Barry blew out a breath, sure he knew what was coming. Dr. Wells studied him a moment.

"How are things with Iris?"

Barry shrugged. "She still won't talk to me. I'm going over when I'm done here."

Harrison glanced at his watch. "Why don't you go on a patrol first? Clear your head. You can go after."

Barry nodded. "Good idea. Thanks, Dr. Wells."

Harrison smiled. "I think I'm going to call it an early night." He wheeled out several minutes later and waved goodbye.

Barry had to admit it felt good to run. It did clear his head. He kept telling himself to be patient. She needed time to work through it. He truly understood that, but his brain kept bringing up niggling doubts that she might never forgive him, and his huge risk had failed completely. He got depressed just thinking about it. His time travel risk had backfired as well.

He was on his third lap around the city when Caitlin came through his comm. "Barry, there's a five car pile up near Ralston road. Emergency vehicles haven't arrived yet. You want to check it out?"

"Yeah, sure." Barry zigzagged to the right street to get him there and accelerated.

Barry was at the accident site three minutes after it was reported. He skidded to a stop as he came on the scene, realizing that ambulances and a fire truck could be heard in the distance. Good, they were on their way.

He approached the car furthest back, looking for any serious injuries or problems. Most people were getting out of their cars and searching for insurance cards. One man was holding a cloth to a gash on his head. It wasn't until Barry reached the front car that certain details started to tickle his memory.

It was like deja vu, but far more disturbing. This had already happened, and yet it hadn't.

There was no bridge this time, but the car was horizontal to the road. Like it had swerved suddenly. The driver's side door was smashed in. The passenger side front window was shattered.

There was no one in it.

But that wasn't what made Barry's heart rate accelerate. That wasn't what made his gut clench and hollow out with fear. That wasn't what caused him to go ashen-faced and turn a slow circle, looking for any kind of evidence as to where they had gone.

It was the CC Jitters rear view mirror decoration that she'd made herself with a coffee shop coaster and some embroidery floss. It was still hanging in the car, and it was still swinging slightly.

It was Iris's car.

His breathing must have gone harsh and his vitals must have spiked. Maybe they heard his barely whispered "no" because a millisecond later Caitlin was on his comm.

"Barry? What's wrong?"

He ignored her. He was too busy looking for some kind of sign. Too busy looking for a trace of her. He didn't care about the crowd of onlookers that had finally noticed his arrival. He didn't even care that he was supposed to be a hero in a red suit right now. The Flash was nothing without her. At that moment, Barry was only himself as he screamed her name.

"Iris!"

So sorry for the cliffhanger! The next chapter should be up by the end of the week! :)