AN: Thanks again for all the feedback! I thought the next chapter would be the last one, but now I'm thinking there might be two more coming. But know there's at least one more update coming within the next few days.

Gibbs hadn't seen his senior field agent in four days. Tony didn't send any emails. His phone was off. He hadn't been in touch with anyone since Tim saw him the day Adam died. It took until hours after DiNozzo didn't show up for work, but eventually McGee had told Gibbs everything that happened the night before. He wasn't surprised by McGee's account. When Tony didn't come to his basement that night, Gibbs figured he was in bad shape. He also knew that showing up at his apartment wasn't going to fix anything. If Tony didn't want to talk, he wasn't going to talk. He'd come around when he was ready.

Still, as time went by on the fourth day, Gibbs was seriously considering going to bust his door down. He understood where Tony's mind was at. Gibbs had been there, and he didn't want to talk to anyone, either. But over the years, Gibbs had grown protective over his agents. And Tony, well, he had been with Gibbs the longest. DiNozzo had taken the abuse Gibbs had dolled out, had proven himself trustworthy time and time again. If Gibbs had to take one person into a life or death situation with him at this point, it would be Tony, without a second thought. DiNozzo had earned that. He earned it everyday. Gibbs guessed it had taken it for granted that DiNozzo was unflappable, that he could handle anything thrown his way.

Vance had kept him in the loop over the mistake with John Michaels' status. It had been, as DiNozzo put it, an administrative fuck-up. The wrong name put with the wrong status, and it had devastating consequences. Punishments had been handed out, but that wouldn't change anything. That wouldn't give Adam back to his family. That wouldn't make Tony feel any less responsible. And Gibbs knew he felt responsible. He knew his agent. It didn't matter that Michaels never should've been reported dead in the first place. It didn't matter that the rookie cop flinched right when Adam was placing the gun in Tony's hand. None of that mattered because in the end, it was DiNozzo with the blood on his face. It was DiNozzo who would carry the responsibility with him.

That's what Tony did. Most people thought he laughed everything off, that he didn't take anything seriously. Gibbs knew differently. He knew that when blood was spilled, DiNozzo took it personally. He carried the weight of Kate and Paula and Jenny. Now, he carried the weight of Adam. Tony always thought there was something he could've done differently, something that could've changed the course of events. Gibbs understood. He did the same thing. He almost felt hypocritical when he tried to talk Tony down, because he had plenty of things on his conscience that probably didn't belong there. Tony and him couldn't have been more different in many ways, but in all the ways that really mattered, they were very much the same.

Abby was frantic with worry, begging Gibbs every time he entered her lab to go get Tony and drag him back. She called Tony everyday, often more than once. Gibbs had to reassure her often that DiNozzo wasn't in any physical danger, that he just wanted to be alone. But that wasn't enough for Abby. She didn't understand DiNozzo pulling away when all she wanted to do was help him. But Gibbs understood. He understood too well.

As it was, the team had caught a new case. A petty officer was found dead in his home two days ago and so far, they hadn't gotten much of anywhere. It was a frustrating case for everyone, made even worse by the fact that his team was already on edge. Everyone was half focused on the case and half worried about DiNozzo. And without Tony around, there was something missing. Gibbs had been meticulous in putting together his team. All the right pieces in all the right places. Tony was unconventional, he was the instinct. Whenever the team hit a wall, he was so often the one to find the way out.

Now there was just empty space.

He looked up as someone entered the bullpen and found Zoe standing by Tony's desk. It hadn't been touched in days, except for the results of Tony's outburst being tossed back on the surface. Gibbs watched as he eyes traveled to the ground, looking for a bag that wasn't there. Gibbs guessed DiNozzo hadn't been in contact with her, either.

She turned, "Tony's not here?"

Bishop shook her head, "Hasn't been since…"

Zoe's eyebrows shot up, "Since what?" Silence followed as Gibbs' team shared loaded looks. "Will somebody tell me what the hell is going on?"

After another long moment of silence, Gibbs sighed, standing and jutting his chin toward the stairs, "Conference room."

Zoe stared at him for a beat, looking like she wanted to argue, before she turned and headed upstairs.

As soon as she was out of ear shot, McGee turned his attention to Gibbs, "Tony hasn't talked to her?"

Gibbs picked up his coffee, "Apparently not."

"What are you going to tell her?"

"The truth, McGee."

He walked out of the bullpen, following Zoe up the stairs. He knew DiNozzo's girlfriend was concerned, as she had every right to be, especially if Tony hadn't talked to her since Monday. Usually, he wouldn't discuss something like this without Tony's permission, but he knew enough about Zoe to know she wouldn't let it go. He also knew if DiNozzo hadn't reached out to her by now, it probably wasn't going to happen. Tony could talk for hours about things that didn't matter, but he tended to keep the important things to himself.

Zoe was standing by the window when Gibbs entered the room, her arms folded across her chest. She turned around when she heard the door open, eyes narrowing, "You going to explain things to me?"

"Sit." Gibbs joined her at the table, folding his hands in front of him, "When was the last time you talked to him?"

"Monday night," she said. "I was supposed to cook him dinner, but he cancelled, said he had a bad day. I tried going to his place yesterday. My key worked, but he had the door dead-bolted from inside. He wouldn't talk to me."

Gibbs nodded slowly, taking in the new information. He knew Tony needed time alone to process, and he wasn't one to intrude on that. God knows he'd needed it for himself enough time over the years. But after McGee's story and what Zoe was telling him now, Gibbs found himself wondering how much longer he could let this go on. After Jenny, DiNozzo had let the guilt build up until it almost suffocated him. And then he'd been put on that ship, miles away from where Gibbs could keep an eye on him. He'd found his way back, but he was a little different after that, had been ever since. Gibbs found himself wondering if he had it in him to make it back again.

"Tell me what happened," Zoe said quietly. "Please."

Gibbs sighed, running a hand down his face. He studied her for a few seconds, "He's not going to talk about anything until he's ready, and that might not happen."

"I know."

Gibbs took a sip of coffee and then launched into the explanation, starting with the phone call and ending with McGee's account of what happened that night. He figured it couldn't hurt to have one more person who cared about Tony know the story. Someone else in his corner.

When he finished, Zoe had a hand over her mouth, eyes trained on the surface of the conference table. She didn't speak for awhile, and Gibbs didn't push her. It was a lot to take in all at once, a long and painful story that Gibbs probably wouldn't have believed unless he was there for all of it.

Finally, Zoe glanced up, "I can't believe he didn't tell me."

"Doubt he wanted to relive it." She nodded slowly, but didn't speak. Concern was etched deeply on her face and Gibbs let out a long breath, "I'll get him back."

She looked at him, seemingly trying to figure out if he could be trusted. She must have seen something she liked, because she eventually nodded, "Okay," she paused. "I need to get back to work."

Gibbs stood, "Go. I'll keep you posted."

As soon as Zoe opened the door to leave, Vance poked his head in, "Got a minute, Gibbs?"

"I have a case, Leon."

"This will just take a second," Vance nodded to Zoe as she left and then stepped inside, closing the door behind him and taking a seat across from Gibbs. "I haven't received anything from Agent DiNozzo about why he's been absent."

"He's taking some time."

"Look," Vance leaned forward, lacing his fingers in front of him. "I understand this has been tough on him, but he can't just not show up. There's paperwork that needs to be done. I've given him as much leeway as I can here."

Gibbs had been expecting this conversation for awhile. There was only so much time that could go by without Tony showing his face before people started demanding answers.

Gibbs stood, "Paperwork will be on your desk by this afternoon."

"That so?" Vance raised his eyebrows. "And how much time will Agent DiNozzo be taking?"

"How much vacation time does he have built up?"

"About two months."

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee, "About two months."

Vance studied him, a half smile on his lips, "And it will be DiNozzo's signature on that paperwork, right?"

Gibbs' only answer was a smirk as he walked out of the room. He hoped Tony didn't actually need two months away, but he would fill out the paperwork for that long anyway. It's what Jenny had done for him when he left for Mexico, and he'd been thankful for it. If — when, he silently corrected himself — DiNozzo wanted to come back, Gibbs needed to make sure he was able to. He'd told DiNozzo many times he'd always have his back, and this was no different. But if Tony didn't make contact by next week, he'd need a new deadbolt from his door, because Gibbs would be kicking it in.

It took until Sunday afternoon, but Gibbs finally heard the familiar footsteps he'd been waiting for make their way across the first floor of his house. He listened as Tony started to walk down the stairs, only pausing his sanding when he reached the bottom. He waited for Tony to speak, but when no sound came, he glanced up. Gibbs took in his agent's appearance quickly, not wanting to stare at him for too long, He wanted to keep things as normal as possible, even though they were anything but.

DiNozzo usually prided himself on his appearance. Thousand dollar suits, perfectly styled hair. But the man before him looked nothing like the agent Gibbs knew. Tony looked like he hadn't shaved since Monday, and Gibbs hadn't seen him with a beard since he went on his hunt for Ziva. Judging by the dark circles under his eyes, Gibbs could guess he wasn't sleeping well. That wasn't shocking. When DiNozzo had something on his mind, he couldn't get his body to relax long enough to fall asleep. He was sweating, a sheen on his forehead. Drinking. Gibbs stared at him a moment longer and sighed.

Drinking a lot.

"Was expecting you days ago," Gibbs said by way of greeting, returning to sanding his boat.

Tony nodded, taking a seat on one of the lower steps. He was quiet for a long time, and Gibbs let him stay that way. He just continued sanding, keeping tabs on his agent out of the corner of his eye. Tony was staring at the empty wall in front of him, unmoving, unblinking. Gibbs noticed a slight tremor in his hands, whether it was from the obvious hangover or the trauma or the lack of sleep, he didn't know.

Finally, DiNozzo broke out of his trance and turned his head toward Gibbs, "Got anything to drink?"

Gibbs ran a hand over the edge of his boat, checking the smoothness, "Think you've probably had enough for awhile."

Tony huffed half a laugh, "I can still remember, so I don't think so."

"There's not any answers in a bottle, DiNozzo."

He got a full laugh as a reply, although there was no humor in it, "That's rich coming from you, boss."

Gibbs let the jab roll of his shoulders, knowing he had to when dealing with a prickly DiNozzo. If he didn't, the younger man would be laid out on his floor within minutes.

"You here for a reason?" Gibbs asked.

"Thought you were expecting me days ago."

Gibbs glanced up, "Didn't answer my question."

Only silence answered him, and Gibbs took note of that. He was purposely pushing some of DiNozzo's buttons, trying to get under his skin. It had taken him a long time to really feel like he knew Tony. DiNozzo was an enigma, all layers and nuance. He could shift into who he needed to be in an instant. It's what made him so good at undercover work and turning on a dime during a case. It's why he could spend a day looking like he wasn't doing anything and then provide the team with the break in the case they were looking for.

But it also meant he was good at hiding. Gibbs guessed his childhood had a lot to do with that, too. While he was being ignored and shipped off to boarding schools, Tony carefully built up a mask. The class clown, the smartass, a guy who could carefully deflect any blow with brash sarcasm or a joke. He was smart, his mind fired much more rapidly than anyone gave him credit for. Most of the time, it was easier to catch a killer than figure out if something was bothering DiNozzo. But every once and awhile, something would penetrate all those layers. The mask would slip, like DiNozzo just didn't have the energy or the willpower to hold it in place anymore. When that happened, Gibbs had to go digging.

Now, he was hoping for some sarcasm, a typical Tony response. That would mean this wasn't as bad as he thought. But that didn't happen. He didn't even get a serious answer. Or anger. He just got the quiet, the only noise his sandpaper scrapping across the side of his boat. That was the worst possible result. An angry and bitter Tony he could handle, and a Tony looking for a long conversation had showed up in his basement a time or two. But a quiet Tony, a silent one, that was different.

There was nothing worse than a quiet DiNozzo.

He watched as Tony stood, walking over to Gibbs' shelf and absentmindedly picking up tools and then setting them down again. Gibbs kept an eye on him, but just waited. Like he had been telling everyone for days, DiNozzo needed to come to them. He wouldn't push unless absolutely necessary, and Tony walking into his basement at all was encouraging. At least he was seeking out company, unlike for the past week when McGee and Abby and Zoe and even Bishop had only been greeted with radio silence. Tony turned, leaning against the shelf and running his fingers over the wrench in his hand.

Finally, he raised his eyes and spoke, "I called Ziva."

Gibbs stopped sanding for just a second, but then forced himself to keep going, "She answer?"

"No."

Gibbs didn't answer right away, knowing he had to choose his words carefully. He stopped sanding, let it rest on the edge of his boat as he turned around to face his agent, "There are people here you can talk to, DiNozzo. A lot of people who care about you."

"I know," Tony flipped the wrench back on the table. "I just wanted to tell her I understood. Why she left, that is. I wanted to tell her that I get it."

Gibbs stared at him, long and even, trying to get a feel for where DiNozzo's head was at. But like always, Tony was constantly shifting, and Gibbs didn't have a handle on this yet.

"What is it that you think you get?" Gibbs asked, picking up a rag to wipe off his hands.

Tony was silent for a few seconds, "What you got, when you left for Mexico," he bounced his knuckles off the shelf. "That there has to be a limit for this. There has to be a time to tap out," his voice trailed off and Gibbs watched as he resumed his fidgeting, picking up a jar full of nails and tossing it lightly back and forth between his hands. "I started doing this because I wanted to make a difference, you know? I wanted to help people."

"And you don't feel like you are?"

Tony's shoulders fell as he leaned forward, leaning his hands against the shelf, his head dropping. Here was that quiet again, that damning silence that Gibbs so often loved unless he hated it, unless he wanted to break it by smashing something against a wall. He was trying to keep himself calm, steady and even, because he knew that's what Tony needed. But DiNozzo bringing up Ziva and Mexico had shaken him, although he'd never admit it. The thought of DiNozzo walking away, of leaving his team and NCIS behind, was enough to make him one to break the no drinking rule he had put into place. It was bad enough that Ziva left, he didn't know if he'd be able to bring himself to fill Tony's empty desk.

"You know, we spend so much time chasing people down after they hurt people, after it's too late. We hardly ever get the chance to stop something before it happens, you know? And that's fine. I mean, that's what I signed up for. I knew what I was getting into," Tony turned around to face Gibbs. "I just wish that when I got the chance, I didn't always end up with blood on my hands instead," he paused, a sarcastic laugh leaving his lips. "Or face, as it were."

"Tony, by the time we get to people, the situations are desperate," Gibbs said. "We give them a chance."

"No," Tony grinned in a savage kind of way, pointing a finger at Gibbs as he paced. "You give them a chance. I get them killed," he started ticking names off one by one. "Jenny, Paula, Adam, the girl in Baltimore. All dead. I didn't give them a chance."

Gibbs looked him dead in the eye, "You've lost your perspective."

"I can't stop replaying it, boss!" Tony finally exploded. Gibbs had been waiting for it. "I have been over every second of that conversation, trying to figure out a way it could've ended different. Was I too passive? Should I have gone for the gun sooner? Is there something I could've said that would've made a difference? Fuck," DiNozzo ran a hand through his hair. "The only thing I can think of is that it shouldn't have been me there with him in the first place. It should've been you! Or McGee!"

Gibbs remained quiet, watching as DiNozzo prepared himself to start up again.

"And you know what else?" Tony asked, picking up a hammer only to toss it away from him again. "I don't want to live in a world where a kid can be mistakenly told his father is dead. I don't want to see a kid put a gun to his head and pull the trigger because of that, or because a cop moves too son. How the fuck do those things happen? How many different channels would that paperwork had to have gone through to…" he trailed off again and let out a long breath. "It doesn't mater anyway. I should've been able to stop it. What the hell good am I if I can't stop it?"

Tony seemed to deflate. He sagged against the basement wall, his hands shaking much harder than they were when he entered Gibbs' basement. He looked so frazzled, so unsure. Fragile. Everything DiNozzo wasn't, everything he wasn't supposed to be. Gibbs slowly realized this wasn't as bad as he thought, it was worse. He waited for Tony's breathing to even out, for him to run a trembling hand through his hair. And then he took a step forward, folding his arms across his chest.

"I put in some vacation time for you," Gibbs said evenly. "Two months. Take it. Drive somewhere, fly somewhere. Hell, sit in your apartment for two months if that's what it takes for you to remember why you do what you do. There's a reason you were the person on the patio that day, DiNozzo, and you know it. But I can't tell you. You need to get there yourself."

DiNozzo didn't react, so Gibbs just continued, "You are a damn good agent, Anthony. The best I've ever worked with. You take as long as you need to remember why. There's always going to be a spot on my team for you."

DiNozzo's expression had changed slightly at the use of his full name, and that was Gibbs' intention. He wanted to make sure he had Tony's attention. It wasn't often he handed out such high compliments. He liked to think Tony knew all those things without him having to say them. But Tony was disappearing right before his eyes, and Gibbs wanted to make sure he heard him, really heard him.

"And what if I don't come back?" DiNozzo asked, pinching the bridge of his nose, his voice so quiet Gibbs barely heard him.

Gibbs swallowed hard, once again picturing Ziva's cleared out desk and wondering how DiNozzo's would look without the Mighty Mouse stapler, "My door is always open either way."

Tony nodded at that, just once, slowly and pulled himself back to his full height. He held eye contact with Gibbs for a long moment before turning back to the staircase, preparing to leave.

"Hey," Gibbs said, stopping DiNozzo's ascent halfway up the stairs. "You call me if you need something. Look out for yourself."

"Yeah," DiNozzo's tapped his hand against the bannister. "Thanks, boss."

And then he was gone.