It seems I have about 8 chapters to this story so far. I will up load them today. All except chapter 8. I am still working on that on.

Rated M...language people! Ha!

Disclaimed!

Chapter 4...

The same three years later, Jacob's POV…

I still miss her.

Every day I miss her. I miss her scent. I miss her touch. I miss her smile. I miss her heartbeat. I see her everywhere. I see her in everything I do. Patrolling the woods reminds me of her. Laying out in the sun reminds me of her. Sam and Emily's children remind me of her laughter. Sitting in my house, sitting in my room, eating, sleeping. Everything reminds me of her. Everything. I can't forget her. I don't want to.

I still go patrol the Cullen resident just to smell her scent although it has grown faint these past few years. What was she thinking? What happened to make her let go? How can I find a way to bring her back? How can I find a way to bring my Nessie back to me?

I still cry. I cry every day. I have been crying since the day she left me. I don't see a reason I'm still alive. But here I am. I'm no longer alpha of the pack. I still don't want to be. My heart is not in it. I'll patrol with them but that's it. I don't go to bonfires. I don't go to parties. I don't go to weddings, celebrations, get togethers. I don't see the point.

The pack has learned to let me be. I don't want to be cheered up. Seth has even stopped coming around. I'm pretty sure he finally imprinted. Some new girl at school. That's good. I may have no future but that doesn't mean everyone else doesn't have to move on with their lives. I wish I could stop phasing but my body won't let me. Every time I try to refuse, I find myself laying on the ground, fully phased. I can't explain why. Most of us have the choice to quit phasing so that we can grow old with our imprints. Oh. Maybe that's why. I no longer have my imprint.

I miss her.

Today just like any other day, I will phase, run the border and then go sit by the cliff side until my shift is over. No one ever bothers to check on me anymore. No one wants to be near me. I'm miserable. I can't find the will to live but yet here I am. I wanted to curl up into a ball and just die. I refused to phase for a couple of weeks, at least that was the plan, but my father would often find a wolf sleeping in his son's bed. Fuck. Why can't I just stop phasing so I can die of a broken heart? That's how it's supposed to be. At least I think. No imprintee has ever refused their imprinter. I would be the exception. My luck.

*sigh* I miss her.

I wish I knew what she was doing right now. Probably in her room, listening to music. Yeah, that would be my Nessie. She was so grown when she left me. I was so close to marking her. I should of gave in when she wanted me to. I should of thrown caution to the wind and marked her. She would have been mine forever. But I had to have fucking morals! Telling her to wait until she was a bit older. She was going through her teen years and her teenage hormones kicked into high gear. I could smell them! It took everything in me to resist her. The scent of pheromones radiating off of her was so strong that I had to literally fight off some of my pack brothers. The scent triggered their instinct to mate and they wanted a piece of her. Edward had to forbid her from coming onto the rez. I agreed with him. She was not pleased.

She was ready and willing to give herself to me that day in the forest when we were 'play' hunting. I was too caught up about her age to give in. She wanted to have sex and I just couldn't. I mean I could. I was so ready. I was about to burst out of my jeans but my damn conscious would not let me!

Instead I went home and jerked off to her image. Standing there in the middle of the forest after playing in the rain. Wearing a too tight top. A too tight white top. No visible bra. Nipples erect, brushing against the fabric of her shirt. She made me stop in my tracks. She was so beautiful standing there. She knew what she was doing to me. I knew what she wanted. Her hair falling on all the right places. Seductively undressing me with her eyes. I was doing the same to her. I could not move. If I moved, my wolf instincts would have taken over and I would have marked her right then and there. I should have. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid morals!

I miss her.

This is not a life I'm living. I'm just going through the motions. I have no life without her. Not one worth living anyways. I want to feel her in my arms. Smell the scent of hair as I hug her close. Put my arms around her tiny waist. Lift her up just so she could meet my gaze and 'accidently' kiss me. My Nessie. The last few months with her were torturous. A true test of my ability to restrain myself. To restrain my wolf. To resist picking her up, whisking her away, and having my way with her. She wanted me. I knew she did.

When we would hunt each other she always teased the shit out of me. I couldn't resist her teasing but I had too. She made sure to wear tight clothing just to show off her body. When we would truly hunt and I was in my wolf form, she would try to find a way to get me to phase back to human form in front of her. I knew she wanted to catch a glimpse of me. I knew her father would kill me. I knew I couldn't trust her because the one time I did, she finally caught her glimpse. She promised to close her eyes. She was pretending to be scared to be left by herself. She didn't want me to leave her sight. I should of known what she was doing. I think deep down inside I did know what she was doing and I didn't care. I wanted her to see what I had to offer. I know I'm well-endowed. The look on her face confirmed it.

For a split second, I stood naked in front of my Nessie and she was liking what she saw. Thank goodness my senses caught up with me and I was able to cover up with my hands. With inhuman speed she rushed to stand in front of me, licking her lips. It took some convincing and me using my alpha voice, once I could found it, to make her turn around so I could put my shorts on. She just wouldn't stop touching me. Trying to get my hands away from my groin area and trying to get her hands there. I admit now, I liked it!

That night I got my ass handed to me by Edward. I was no longer to phase back to human until we got back to the house and I was sure Nessie was not in my line of sight. We were to be chaperoned everywhere we went. Fucking mind-reader! Emmett was the only one who found it funny. I bet Edward got an eyeful too from going through Nessie's mind. That was the first time I ever saw that look on his face. The get-away-from-my-daughter- you-pervert look. Ha! I wonder if he was jealous. Haha. Memories like these are the only things that make me smile.

God I miss her!

I miss her so much, there are times I can't stand up. The ache is too much to handle. These are the days Sam excuses me from patrol. Most times I can only patrol two days out of the week. My pack brothers don't mind because they are in no hurry to be link to my mind once I phase. It seems every times I phase, I hear them wince. They know I no longer want to phase. They also know I can't seem to stop it.

I wonder how she spends her days. I wonder if she ever thinks of me. I know she does. I can still feel her. The connection is still there. She must of recently stopped growing because I can no longer feel her in pain. That was hard to go through on my end. I hope she's okay. I could have been there and been her heating pad. I would have warmed up her aching bones. I would have massaged her aching muscles. She wouldn't feel pain when she is with me. Damn. I need to get her back.

I could of tracked her down and imprisoned her in my house until she came to her senses if it wasn't for the council interfering with my plans. They had the gall to strip me of my alpha duties until they deem me fit. Well here we are three years later and it's not getting better. What were they expecting to happen? If they just let me be, I would be the alpha they need me to be today. With my Nessie at my side. My female alpha. Marked for life. Bound in matrimony, not by imprinting.

What does it matter anymore? She's not here. She didn't want me. She doesn't want me. Thanks to this fucking imprinting shit! She saw herself being forced on me. That's not how I saw it. I know deep down inside I would of still fallen for her once she grew up. Just like I knew deep down inside I wanted her to see my naked form that day in the forest. There would have been no stopping us. We were made for each other. My soul. My heart. They all belong to her. She has them now. I don't have them with me here. She has them wherever she is now. I'm just an empty shell of a man. Waiting for my Nessie to return. Still holding out hope. She has to return to me. I need her here in my arms.

I can feel the ache coming on again. I should get out of bed but I don't have the energy today.

Not today. The day she left me. Three years ago today.

I miss her...

I think I will stop writing after each chapter. I will only write notes at the beginning...