So I realize some chapters are longer than other but its how I wrote them. I hope you still enjoy. I am actually doing this more for my gratification than anything else! :P

Oh and like me this story has rated M language and stupid attempted at humor!

Disclaimed...

Chapter 5...

Damn. I wish Jake would come back to us. I miss the old Jacob. Always riding my ass to make me stronger. Always protecting me from our brothers. The smile of approval. The knowing command of a true alpha. He was a natural alpha. Born into the great line of alphas. I hate ignoring him but he's a real Debbie Downer these past few years. I don't like this Jacob. Our pack hasn't been the same since his imprint refused him. Well it is his fault. She was ready to mate. He is the one who refused to mark her so 'soon'. The age difference really did bother him. I should of known he wouldn't do her even if she was given off heat.

Hell, he beat the shit out of me because I almost hunted her down once I got a whiff of the pheromones radiating off of her. I don't know how he could stand being next to her and not hump her into submission. I was so close. Thank goodness Jacob's wolf was stronger than mine! I paid for it though. We all did. I was just glad when she could no longer come onto the rez. It was driving us all insane. We were mad teenage wolves ready to get at her!

Those with imprints had an outlet. The rest of us had to handle our own 'business' if you know what I mean! Now-a-days, she still in my spank bank. Just don't tell Jacob!

It's kind of sick really because she is technically my step-niece through marriage. Charlie married my mom, so Bella is my step-sister. I don't let it bother me. After all, we are not related by blood! (Eyebrows wagging). Still…don't tell Jacob!

I am still avoiding eye contact. It has become a habit. Now it's just natural for me not to make eye contact. New girl at school thinks I'm just really shy. I can go with that. Although I'm not sure why I'm refusing to imprint by now. I should just test it out and look her in the eye one day. She's pretty. I can see myself with her. But what if she rejects me. Now that we know we can get rejected from our imprintee if we don't mark them soon, everyone who has imprinted recently, are in a desperate hurry to mark their imprints. This mean a lot of pregnancy scares. A LOT! Sam had enforce condom usage after going through more than enough pregnancy scares. The ones who haven't imprinted yet can't understand why those who have, still refuse to use a condom. I have yet to find out.

So what am I waiting for? I wouldn't mind having a partner. My hand is getting tired. Haha! I could also enjoy the company. I am eighteen now. I can see myself with a woman by my side. I would like to have kids one day. Soon can be good too. I mean, I would try to wait until after graduation but if it happens before I'm okay with that too. I would like to pass on my wolf genes. Hell I like being a wolf!

I like being part of a pack. Belonging somewhere. My brothers always ready to help me. It was hard when my dad died but my brothers were right by my side. My sister had it rough. She still does. She has yet to stop phasing although, like Jacob, she keeps trying. She says she is useless. She can't even imprint. I really do feel for her. Sam should have been her one. The way she looks at Sam and Emily and their children, brings out her heartache and her mean streak.

I don't like to see my sister hurt. I guess that is another reason I haven't been able to allow myself to imprint. It would hurt my sister to know that even I have the chance to imprint and she doesn't. We all kind of wonder what is going to happen to her. Those who keep phasing stay frozen in time, like the cold ones. That's a terrible fate. I refuse to believe the spirits have deem this her fate. We still don't know what caused her to phase. She is still the only girl wolf. Even I researched it when I was researching information about imprinting in our tribes history. That's when I came across the 'loophole' as Nessie called it.

I kick myself every day for giving her that information. It is my fault she left. I guess I'm also punishing myself by keeping myself from imprinting. If Jake can't have his imprint because of me, what make me worthy of imprinting and being able to keep my love? So I guess I'll just keep avoiding eye contact. I'm not sure how much longer the spirits will let me do so. My mom says she has been having dream about my father in the spirit world.

She can't make out the dream clearly but she knows it involves me. With my luck, it will be revealed that I'm a submissive. I am trying to ignore all the signs but they are all there. I'm not as tall as my brothers. I'm not at muscular. I'm the first to follow alpha command. I never cause trouble. I always know my place. But I did almost fuck Nessie so that gives me hope. Small hope but still hope.

What a sad bunch of Clearwaters! The female can't imprint or have children and the male may find himself bonded to a man and having the children! Oh. This is starting to make sense to me but I'm not liking it. I don't have anything against loving a man, it has happened in the past, it's the having children part that worries me…

I figured I would be the one doing the impregnating, not getting impregnated! Maybe I won't need the condoms after all. Wait. Maybe I will or at least my partner!

Ugh! Things are starting to get complicated! Now I really don't want to make eye contact. I'll hold out as long as I can. Maybe I'll snuff my mom's house and rid it of spirit. There's a thought. Nessie and I could go into business. Ridding the world of unwanted imprints. Bad joke.

I miss her. She was so easy to talk to. She got my stupid humor. I was one of the only ones who didn't try to fondle her. Well except for that one time. Edward was cool too. I liked the Cullen's. They were an alright bunch of cold ones! Even that Rosalie chick. The 'blondie' as Jacob would call her. She always gave Jake hell and it was quite funny to see my alpha being put in his place! By a bunch of vampires at that!

It was a bit harder to hang with Nessie after her hormones kicked in but eventually they would have died down. Would they? I mean they were really strong. Made my mouth water. I can still picture her now. Is it getting hot in here?

So life at the rez now consist of everyone staying away from Jacob, wedding for our brothers who have imprinted (sad, that would have been Jacob, too!), and me avoiding eye contact. Yup! Just another day on the rez… Oh bitch! I almost made eye contact! Gotta go! Eyes to the ground! Eyes to the ground!