….JUST A QUICK THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED AND COMMENTED ON THE LAST CHAPTER…IT MEANS SOOOOO MUCH TO ME AND TO SAY THANK YOU I HAVE DECIDED TO GIVE YOU THIS NEXT CHAPTER ALMOST A FULL WEEK IN ADVANCE…..
MUSIC LIST FOR THIS CHAPTER.
Put The Gun Down-ZZ Ward
First-Cold War Kids
Closer-Kings Of Leon
Bleeding Out-Imagine Dragons
Make It Rain(from SOA)-Ed Sheeran
Famous Last Words-My Chemical Romance
Before I Ever Met You-Banks
Dead Love Song-New Medicine
Closer-Nick Jonas(feat. Mike Posner)
All Or Nothing-Theory Of A Deadman
Black Beauty-Lana Del Rey
Strange Birds-Birdy
"UN-FUCKING BELIEVABLE!"
Alec's loud voice jolts me awake and I sit up in my bed and stare at him in confusion. Out of the corner of my eye I see Clary pull the blankets over her head.
"What's wrong Alec?"
"I fucking knew it! I knew she was reason why you were so fucked in the head. I mean I didn't really know for sure; I had no proof but the way the two of you were acting and then you up and leave and then she goes bat shit crazy. So now what? Are you going to burn down the fucking institute now Jace? And how about you Clary? I know you are there so you might as well quit hiding under the blanket. What are you going to do this time Clary? Are you going to lock yourself in the bathroom and fucking slit your wrists or swallow a bottle of pills? I got fucking news for…"
"That's enough Alec!"
Not giving a shit about the fact that I am naked; I jump out of bed and shove him hard in the chest.
"Who do you think are coming into my room and screaming like that? Say what you want to me Alec but how fucking dare you speak to her that way. Get the fuck out of my room!"
"Don't let her do this to you again Jace."
"Mind your own fucking business Alec!"
I have my hands fisted into his shirt and I am trying to push him out of my room but he has his feet and arms braced against the door frame.
"You are my business! Everything you do affects me! Jace I…" Alec's voice is high pitched and his eyes are full of panic as I continue to push him.
"Hey! Stop it! Both of you stop it right now! What on earth is going on?"
I drop my hands from Alec and cover my naked front when Izzy begins to shove Alec into my room after her words broke up our fight. I glance over my shoulder to see Clary sitting up in my bed and she is wringing her fingers as she looks at the three of us. I can't catch her eye to see her reaction to mine and Alec's fight.
"Can you both get out of my room?" I attempt to ask nicely.
"What is the problem here?" Izzy asks as she steps further into my room; her eyes landing on Clary.
"Oh my god! Clary? What are you doing in here? Did you sleep with Jace? Didn't you even listen to anything I told you about him?"
What the fuck is going on here? Alec is being completely ridiculous and Izzy sounds like a brokenhearted mother hen. I have my hands covering my private parts even though I shouldn't have to; this is exactly why I don't let people in my room in the first place. Right now I feel so uncomfortable and I shouldn't have to feel this way in my own god damned room. I glace at Clary again; only to see her with her small hands covering her face as her whole body shakes. Fuck! Now she is crying and now I am even more pissed than I already was.
"Get. Out. Of. My. Room!" My tone is final as I look at my siblings. I boldly place my hands on my hips knowing that exposing myself will at least get Izzy out of here. She screams at the sight of my naked body and begins to drag Alec out of the room with her. I slam my door the moment Alec steps into the hall and quickly turn the lock before going over to check on Clary. I crawl on to the bed and pull her against my chest where she continues to hide her face in her hands.
"I'm so sorry baby; are you okay?"
"No." She mumbles behind her hands.
"Talk to me. Tell me how you are feeling."
"Alec hates me!" She wails.
"No he doesn't. Why on earth would you think that he hated you?"
"You heard what he said. He said I was the reason why your head was messed up. It's all my fault Jace. The pain and confusion I caused you made you leave; made you shut him out but if it wasn't bad enough that I did that to you; I did the same thing to him because he feels everything you feel. He hates what I have done to you; what he thinks I will do to you again."
"Please don't cry baby…let me talk to him; to explain things to him. He will see things for how they really are and I promise you that he will be groveling at your feet for forgiveness. I promise you that he doesn't hate you; he is just so damned protective of me that he can be a little overbearing at times but that doesn't mean he hates you Clary."
"I don't want him to grovel at my feet. I know that he is only worried about you. He loves you and he doesn't want to see you hurt."
"I know that; but he shouldn't have reacted like that. He should have handled it differently than he did because he does love me; I don't think he understands how much he just hurt me by acting that way right now."
"The look on Izzy's face broke my heart. I know that she told me that I should stay away from you but I didn't realize how important it was to her that I keep my distance from you."
Fuck! I can hear doubt and regret in her voice. I can hear the words in my head that I spoke last night about not wanting to wake up from our dream; why did we have to wake up? Between Alec's hateful words and Izzy's heartbroken voice; Clary will leave me again. Fuck! My body begins to shake with fear and there is a lump in my throat that feels like I might choke on.
"Please don't." I plead with her.
She lifts her head and looks at me for what feels like days as she remains silent. I am so pathetic, I want to get down on my knees and beg her not to leave me. Thoughts of dragging her out of this institute and running away to some place that no one could ever find us come into my head. To run away and find our own little dreamland where we never have to wake up from. She places her hand on my cheek; once again my lips are magnetic to her skin and I turn my mouth into her palm and kiss it softly.
"Jace…I love you…but right now I think maybe we should…"
"No! No! No! Fuck them Clary! Please don't let them do this to you; to us. I love you. I love you so fucking much."
I don't give her the chance to talk; my mouth crashes hard into her lips as I press her into my mattress. When my tongue forces its way into her mouth I can taste blood and her lips begin to quiver underneath mine. She sobs loudly into my mouth and I pull back to hold her face between my hands. Her top lip is cracked and bleeding and her green eyes look so sad.
"I'm sorry. Why can't you see how much I need you Clary? You said you loved me and I love you so why does it matter what the rest of the world thinks?"
"Not the rest of the world Jace; they are your brother and sister. They have been in your life for almost eight years and I have only been in your life for what? One night? Two weeks? Six months? No time at all compared to them. You shouldn't say something so cold like "fuck them" because they love you; they have loved you for almost half of your life. They know you; I think maybe I know you but how could I? How could I think that I know you better than they do?"
"Because you do that's why. When I am with you I am the real me; they don't know the real me. I love them and they know the memories of half of my life but they have no clue who I really am. The Jace they know is a ghost compared to the Jace you know. Guess what though Clary; you make me want to be the real Jace with everyone from here on out. Because the Jace I am with you has emotions and feelings; I don't feel numb anymore. Before you I didn't even realize how numb I even felt. Izzy and Alec could have been having complete meltdowns over something and I just didn't feel anything; I should have at least been able to feel compassion for their suffering but I never did. All the girls; fuck so many damn girls. I realize now that I fucked so many girls because I was trying to feel something. I wanted the next girl to make me feel something that the last one didn't and the next one after that but I could never feel that something. With you Clary; I feel everything. I'm not talking about orgasm's here either; just being in the same room with you makes me feel more alive than I have ever felt before. All the numbness is gone when I am with you."
"So where do we go from here then? How can we make them understand how much we love each other? How can we make them understand how much we need each other; how important we are to each other?"
"We show them; every day we show them that what we have isn't wrong or harmful in any way. We are going to all sit down and talk about this but I think only time will make them understand. Alec doesn't want me to get hurt and Izzy doesn't want you to get hurt. We just need to show them how good we can be together. We need to show them our love can only be a good thing and never a bad thing."
"Should we go talk to them now then? I'd like to take a shower first."
"Let them stew for a while. Come take a shower with me and then I will take you for breakfast."
She smiles sweetly as I take her hand; pulling her off the bed. Her warm hand remains in mine as we enter the bathroom and I release her when I shut the door. I am leaning over the sink as I brush my teeth and she is standing next to me looking around my bathroom. She begins to wring her fingers and I know instantly she is nervous about something. I spit my toothpaste out and wipe my mouth with a towel before wrapping my arms around her waist.
"Will you look at me please?" I whisper softly and she stops looking at the stack of folded towels and meets my eyes with hers. She continues to wring her fingers even though I have her hands pressed between our bodies.
"What's wrong baby?"
"I don't think I can take a shower with you. I think maybe I should just go to my room to get a shower; my clothes are in there anyway."
"Why don't you want to take a shower with me? I have seen you naked so what's the big deal?"
"I know but…that's different and it was only twice not to mention it was darker…it's so bright in here…maybe with more time I could be comfortable enough to take a shower with you but I just don't think I can right now."
"You have a beautiful body; you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself."
"I-I'm not ashamed of myself I guess I just don't have the kind of confidence that you have. You seem to be just as comfortable naked as you do when you are fully clothed; more even. To be honest even when I am fully dressed I feel uncomfortable sometimes. When I look at girls like Izzy I think to myself; why can't I have curvy hips like that? Why can't I have a chest size that doesn't look like it belongs to a twelve year old? Why can't I have…"
I cover her mouth with my hand to stop her from talking anymore.
"Stop that. You're beautiful Clary. Let me ask you something; do you ever really take the time to look at your body?"
"Not really."
"Guess what Clary; I have. Let me tell you; I could look at your naked body all day. You say your hips aren't curvy but guess what they are. You say your chest is the size of a twelve year old's but guess what it's not. Are you super tiny? Yes, yes you certainly are but trust me when I tell you that I think you're beautiful; your skin alone is the most beautiful skin I have ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. I love you; and I love your body."
"Okay…how do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Walk around completely naked without feeling uncomfortable?"
"I just do I guess. In here; in the privacy of my room I tend to be naked most of the time. That's probably one of the reasons why I usually don't let anyone in here. Not that I am uncomfortable with my body but if say Alec was just hanging out in here watching a movie I don't think he would appreciate me laying around naked. I guess part of the reason why I prefer to be naked is because as shadowhunter's it seems as though we always have so many damn layers on. Under gear, outer gear, all those weapons; I guess it feels heavy and constricting to me all the time. When I'm naked I feel light as a feather. The other part of why I am so comfortable with my body is because I work hard in the training room; even on days that we don't have the train I try to do something physical. All that hard work is for demon slaying but the bonus to all the work is having a nice body."
"When do I start to look like you? I have been training for six months now and I can't really see any difference in my body; I can feel the difference. I feel stronger and I usually have plenty of energy but I can't really see the difference."
"Dear god! I hope you never end up looking like me Clary. I admit that I am nice to look at but I would much rather you look like the beautiful girl you are then to look like me." I chuckle.
"You know what I mean Jace."
"Do me a favor Clary. Since you don't want to take a shower with me; go ahead and go to your room and get one. When you get out of the shower; I want you to stand in front of your mirror and really look at your body. Trust me; your body looks completely different now than it did six months ago. I realize that six months ago I didn't have the pleasure of seeing you naked but being around you for the past six months; trust me when I tell you that your body has in fact changed."
"Okay, I guess I can do that."
"Enjoy your shower."
"Should I come back here when I'm done?"
"Yeah, that would be fine or we can just meet up downstairs if you want since we are going to breakfast."
"I don't want to go down there by myself. What if they are down there?"
"Fuck, you're right. Tell you what, just stay in your room when you are done with your shower and I will come get you okay."
"Thank you."
I pull her in for a hug and kiss the top of her head before she leaves my bathroom. After my shower; I quickly shave my face and get dressed before going to get Clary from her room. I knock lightly on her door and when she doesn't answer I turn the handle and slowly open the door as I call out her name. I can hear her call out to me from her bathroom so I shut her door and flop on her bed to wait for her to finish getting ready. Twenty minutes later she opens her bathroom door and to my disappointment she steps out fully dressed. She has on a pair of jeans (my favorite ones on her) and a silky black shirt that has tiny pink flowers on it. Her hair looks different; she must have put something in it to tame her wild curls because her soft curls are still damp and fall nicely over her shoulders. Her face looks different; well not her face exactly but her eyes. She is wearing eyeliner and mascara which make her green eyes shine bright and look larger somehow.
"You look beautiful."
"Thank you."
"I especially like those particular jean on you."
"There just jeans."
"Mmm…yet you seem to wear them so well baby."
"Are you flirting with me Jace?"
"No; just making an observation."
"Uh-huh."
"Come here Clary." I purr.
"I thought we were going for breakfast. I don't know about you but I am starving for some reason."
"Oh…I know why you have such an appetite this morning; I might have a little something to do with that."
She ignores my attempt to seduce her as she applies lip gloss to her full lips in the mirror. I just chuckle when she rolls her eyes as she sees me wiggle my eyebrows at her in the reflection of her mirror.
"Decided to try a little make-up today I see."
"Just trying something different." Her tone is soft and sounds uncertain.
"You're not wearing it for me are you? Because trust me; I find you gorgeous without it."
"Should I wash it off? Does it look stupid on me?"
"No, it doesn't look stupid on you and if you wanted to put it on then why on earth would you go and wash it off?"
I can see her cheeks turn a shade of pink as she steps closer to her bed where I am lying. For a moment I think that she might join me on her bed but instead she uses her toes to pull out a pair of shoes that are under her bed. I am used to her wearing either her hunting boots or her paint splattered converse sneakers but she slide her feet into a pair of black slip on shoes; they kind of remind me of ballet slippers. They look adorable on her tiny feet.
"Are you ready to go?" She asks.
I roll off her bed and kiss her cheek as I take her small hand in mine before walking out of her bedroom. I keep her hand in mine as we walk down the hall towards the elevator. We are lucky enough to make it out of the institute without having a run in with one of my siblings. As soon as we step into Taki's; I see Kailea leaning over the counter and regret our choice for somewhere to eat immediately. Clary lets go of my hand and surprises me when she curls her fingers around my arm above my elbow. She leans her body towards me and rests her head on my arm as she looks up at me.
"Where should we sit?" She asks with a small smile on her face.
I can feel Kailea's eyes on me when I bend down to kiss Clary's forehead as I point to the small booth that we sat in yesterday. After Clary takes her seat I take mine across from her and we both begin to study our menus. I can't help the chuckle that escapes my mouth and when I look up; her green eyes look at me in curiosity.
"Something funny Jace?"
"Why do you even bother looking at the menu? We both know what you are getting."
She laughs as she rolls her eyes at me and closes her menu before folding her hands together on top of the table. I shut my own menu and place one of my hands over top of her folded hands. I wink at her and smile at her from across the table. We are still being mushy as we look into each other's eyes when none other than fucking Kailea's voice cuts into me.
"Good morning! How are you today Jace?"
"Good morning Kailea. I'm doing well; how about yourself?" The sound of disgust is heavy in my tone.
"Good; I'm good. Thank you for asking. You look like you slept well last night. Yesterday you looked tired and drained but today you look…well anyway; what can I get you today?"
I deliberately nod my head towards Clary so that Kailea will ask her what she would like. Kailea stares at me for longer than she needs too before reluctantly turning her eyes towards Clary.
"What can I get you Clary? Let me guess coconut pancakes?"
"Yes please."
"Do you want orange juice with those?"
"Actually I would really like cup of hot tea today; thank you."
Clary pulls her hands out from under my hand and begins to wring her fingers as she looks at a picture hanging on the wall.
"Jace? What would you like sweetheart?" Kailea purrs and I cringe.
"I'll have the mushroom and Swiss omelet, hash browns, wheat toast and do you have any grapefruit today?"
"I'm not certain on the grapefruit hun. If we have it I will add it to your order. Is there another fruit you would like if we don't have any grapefruit?"
"No, just the other stuff I ordered will be fine if you don't have any. I'll take a cup of coffee too."
"Just black right sweetie?"
"Yep."
I cringe again when she winks at me before leaving our table. I look across the table to see a pair of angry green eyes looking at me. I reach across the table to take Clary's hand but she yanks her hands back and hides them under the table.
"What's the matter baby?"
"Oh nothing sweetie, hun, sweetheart. Why on earth would there be anything wrong?"
"Clary…" I groan.
"Just forget about it. I don't even care." She huffs.
"Like hell you don't care! I can see how pissed you are right now. Don't be pissed at me; I wasn't doing anything wrong; she was the one saying all those things not me so don't take it out on me. It's not like I can control the words that come out of her mouth."
"I'm sorry Jace. I am just being insecure and you're right you can't stop her from flirting with you. I know that you are only nice to her to make things comfortable to be able to come in here and eat."
"Maybe I can't stop her but you can."
"Me? How can I stop her?"
"Do you think for a single second that I would sit back quietly while some guy flirted with you?"
"You don't have to worry about that because no one ever flirts with me."
"I think you just don't see it when someone flirts with you. I have attempted to flirt with you so many times over the past six months and you never noticed it."
"You mean like when you wink at me? Or when you smile at me for no reason? Or how about holding my hand a few seconds longer than necessary when you help me up off the floor in the training room? Is that the kind of flirting you are talking about? Because I noticed, I was just too awkward to do anything about it."
"I stand corrected then. Shit, here she comes again."
Kailea places my coffee and grapefruit on the table in front of me before placing Clary's tea in front of her without acknowledging her.
"Looks like we had some grapefruit after all today hun."
"Excuse me Kailea? I think you forgot my tea bag." Clary's voice is sweet and her eyes are soft as she tries to get Kailea's attention. Kailea fishes a tea bag out of her apron pocket and tosses it towards Clary; ignoring her once again. I loathe the way she is looking at me right now and the way she is treating Clary is starting to make me angry.
"So tell me Jace? Did you have time to do anything fun while you were in LA or were you too busy helping with training?"
This would be a perfect time for Clary to speak her mind about Kailea's flirting but when I glance at her she is staring at her cup of tea. Guess I will have to find a way to get this annoying waitress the hell away from me on my own; without the help of my girlfriend. Holy shit! I have a girlfriend; Clary is my girlfriend. I find myself smiling at this fact but quickly drop my smile when Kailea smiles back at me.
"I was pretty busy with the training. I'm glad I was busy the whole time because not having much idol time helped with missing my girlfriend but I did miss her and since I just got home I really want to spend time with her."
"Girlfriend? Jace Wayland doesn't have girlfriends. Maybe a flavor of the week but never a girlfriend."
"You are being so rude! Do you think your boss would be happy with the way you are disrespecting your customers?" Clary's voice is sweet as honey as she glares at Kailea.
Kailea's eyes go wide and she finally looks at Clary.
"I have no idea what you are talking about Clary. How was I being rude? I wasn't even talking to you; I was talking to Jace."
"Yes I know that. You told my boyfriend that I was his flavor of the week and frankly I find your comment to be rude and degrading. Now I'm sure you have other tables to check on so if you wouldn't mind giving the two of us some privacy; we would like to catch up on our week spent apart since we didn't have much time to talk last night; we were a little preoccupied."
I can feel Kailea's eyes on me but I refuse to look at her because I am too busy smiling like an idiot at Clary. Kailea lets out a puff of air and leaves our table. Before I even realize what I am doing; I get up from my seat and slide in beside Clary on her side of the booth and consume her mouth with mine in a long kiss. I break our kiss and tuck her hair behind her ear as I look into her eyes. Clary's tiny body is pinned between the wall and my body in this small seat but I have no intentions of taking my own seat again. I put my arm around her shoulder and rest my head on top of her red curls.
"Is that what you meant by me being able to do something about her flirting?" She whispers softly.
"That's exactly what I meant. Good job baby; I'm pretty certain that she will stop her useless flirting with me now. Nice touch at the end there when you mentioned how preoccupied we were last night."
I take my arm off of Clary's shoulder and begin to eat my grapefruit as she sips her tea. I no sooner push my empty bowl away when Kailea returns with our food. She places my food in front of me and when she puts Clary's pancakes in front of me to lean over and give Clary her breakfast; I grab the plate from her hand and put my nose up to the pancakes.
"You need to take these back Kailea. Clary only eats honey on her pancakes and these have syrup on them."
Without a word she takes the plate from my hand and disappears back towards the kitchen.
"Thank you Jace."
"You're welcome. I know she fucking did that on purpose. She knows damn well you take honey on your pancakes. She is just being a bitch."
"It's no big deal; I'm sure it won't take them long to make me new pancakes."
"Do you want some of my breakfast while you wait?"
"That's a first."
"What?"
"You never offer to share your food."
"I usually eat half of your pancakes so I think it's only right to let you have some of my food."
"Okay well in that case I think I would like to try a bite of your omelet."
I use my fork to cut into my omelet and lift it to her mouth; she gives me a strange look and shrugs her shoulders before taking the bite of food off of my fork. I smile at her and begin to eat my breakfast. I don't know why but I enjoy myself as I continue to feed Clary the occasional bite of food until Kailea returns with her pancakes. After we are done with our breakfast we sit quietly for a few minutes before I groan reluctantly and get out of the booth; pulling Clary along with me as we exit the restaurant. I can't put off talking to my siblings any longer; since the second I was woken up by Alec this morning his anger and Izzy's sadness has been eating away at me.
"We should go to the park Jace. It's such a pretty day out."
"You don't really want to go to the park. You are just trying to avoid the inevitable."
"What are you talking about?"
"You know what I am talking about; Alec and Isabelle. We might as well get it over with and go and talk to them."
"Okay…" She whispers.
"Promise me you won't let them upset you Clary. I am almost certain that there will be some shouting between Alec and I; so try not to get upset okay."
"I will try my best."
I sit Clary down on the couch in the family room and tell her to stay put until I come back. She is already wringing her fingers when I leave the room to find my brother and sister. I find Izzy in the training room where she practices using her whip.
"Izzy we need to talk about this morning; so would you please come down to the family room with me?"
"Jace I…"
"Wait until we are downstairs. Where is Alec?"
"In his room I think."
I leave the training room and Izzy follows silently behind me as I make my way towards Alec's bedroom. I don't bother knocking; I just barge right in to find him sitting in his chair with a book open on his lap. His blue eyes look at me in surprise and before he can protest to my entry of his room I tell him to come downstairs with Izzy and I. He walks beside Izzy as they follow me to the elevator to go downstairs to the family room. Clary is still wringing her fingers when the three of us enter the living room. I gesture for my siblings to take a seat and I take Clary's hands in mine before taking a seat beside her on the couch.
"Okay, now we are all awake and fully dressed so I think we can have a calm conversation together."
I take a moment to study my parabitai for a moment; deciding to save his anger for last.
"Izzy let's start with you first. Now is the time for you to say what you need to say."
"Clary? What exactly is going on between you and Jace?"
"We are…we are together and I love him."
Izzy's eyes go wide and she looks at Clary for a moment longer before looking at me.
"Did you take her virginity Jace?"
"That's really none of your business Isabelle. You really don't have any right to ask me that question. Clary is your friend so if she wants you to know her personal business then that is up to her to tell you not me."
"I realize that it's not really my business Jace but you have to understand that I am concerned for Clary. She has been drooling over you since she got here and she is very naive about so many things; so I am only looking out for her."
"I can appreciate your concern for Clary but you make me out to be some kind of filthy monster."
"No, you have this all wrong Jace. There isn't anything wrong with how you live your life but your lifestyle isn't the kind of lifestyle for Clary. Can't you see the difference between the two of you Jace? Clary is so sweet and innocent and well…good…but you…you don't have the same kind of feelings and emotions that Clary has. You sleep with a girl a few times without a care in the world and without any kind of feelings or emotions before you drop them and move on to the next one. Don't you realize how much it will hurt Clary when you decide you are bored of her?"
I don't respond to Izzy because I can hear Clary crying next to me. I turn towards her and cup her face in my hands before kissing her tears off of her cheeks. I move my mouth to her ear and kiss her soft skin before whispering "I love you" into her ear and then I turn my eyes back onto Izzy.
"You think you know me so well don't you Izzy? This goes for you too Alec. You both think you know me so well but I am telling you both right now that you don't know me. The Jace you two know is not who I really am. My life was turned upside down when I stepped through that portal almost eight years ago. The past eight years I have been closed off and guarded every single day. I have grown to love you as though you were my own blood and I know how much the two of you love me. With Clary, I am the real me. With her I feel everything. Before her I felt nothing; I just felt numb. I know what kind of past I have and Clary is fully aware of my past but don't you see that's all it is now; it's just my past."
"It's not just your past though Jace; it's what you do and how you really are."
"No it's not Izzy." Alec speaks coldly to his sister and we all look at him. He looks at me for a moment and decides he can continue to speak when he see me make no attempt to stop him.
"Just because he used to sleep around all the time doesn't mean that's who he is as person. Remember Izzy, I can feel him and you are wrong to think that his intentions with Clary are wrong. You didn't feel what I felt when his head was fucked up because of her. I felt it, all of it and let me tell you it was fucking painful. I could feel how lost and hurt and confused he felt because of her. "
His eyes shift to me.
"Jace I am sorry about this morning; I guess I panicked when I walked in your room and saw the two of you in bed together. All I could think of was how I didn't want to go through that again; I didn't want you to go through that again. I can see how much you care for her and I can feel how calm and at peace you are right now. I'm sorry."
"Alec you don't owe me an apology I know why you were concerned but I would really appreciate it if you would tell Clary that you are sorry for the things you said to her this morning. Honesty you were really out of line with some of the things you said. I know how much your words towards her hurt me so you can only imagine how she feels right now. She thinks you hate her; please tell her you don't hate her."
Alec looks at me with understanding in his blue eyes for a moment before turning to Clary.
"Clary I truly am sorry for the things I said this morning; I didn't mean to hurt you. I promise you that I don't hate you; I just don't want you to hurt my brother again."
"I hurt her too Alec. Please don't make her out to look like the villain here because I am just as guilty as she is; if not more so."
"What exactly happened? When did you two figure this all out?" Izzy asks.
"The details about what happened aren't important to anyone but me and Clary. The only thing I can explain to you is that what happened is my fault…"
"Jace, that's not true…"
"Yes it is Clary. You don't understand because you are so good; you are so damned good Clary and I nearly ruined all your goodness. If I would have just been more patient with you when you needed your space then I wouldn't have felt the need to leave and you wouldn't have felt so alone. I'm sorry Clary. I am so damned sorry that I left you alone when you needed me the most. I promise that I will always be here for you from now on."
Clary surprises me by kissing me hard on the mouth; not caring one bit if Alec or Izzy are watching. I smile at her before turning to Izzy again to answer her second question.
"As far as when we figured this all out; the answer to that question is a little complicated. I think we have had feeling for each other for months now but two weeks ago those feelings came to the surface for the two of us. I guess we were both scared and confused. We both finally admitted how we felt yesterday."
"It's obvious that Clary loves you; she has been in love with you pretty much since the first day she got here. Do you love her Jace?"
"Yes I do Izzy."
"Do you really though? How can we…how can Clary trust that your feelings for her are because you love her and not just because you want in her pants. How do you know you aren't just mistaking how intriguing the idea of being with a virgin is with love?"
"You listen to me Iz…"
I quickly cover Clary's mouth with my hand before she can say anything she will regret to Izzy.
"I love her Izzy. I can tell you that over and over again until I am blue in the face but only time will prove to you that I do love her."
"Okay time will tell but please don't hurt her Jace. She is such a sweet girl and I can't stand the thought of you ruining her."
"And how do you know she won't ruin him Izzy? Guess what you don't know that because just like he said they both love each other and only time will prove to us that that love is real. I think we should stop talking about all of this now. Jace just got home yesterday and thank god that Clary is finally out of her room. They both seem happy so just let them be happy."
"Thank you Alec." I say to him with a smile on my face.
Alec returns my smile and gets up to leave the room; he grabs ahold of Izzy and drags her out of the room with him as he leaves. When I look at Clary her eyes are sad and she is wringing her fingers again. I grab her hands to stop her fidgeting and smile at her.
"Relax baby. Everything is fine now okay."
"I'm not so sure Izzy would agree with you Jace."
"Give her time; she will come around. I have to tell you I am almost offended by her. I mean she is my sister after all but the way she is so protective of you only makes me love her more I think."
"Do you think it would be a good idea if maybe I went and talked to her alone?"
"I can't tell you what to do Clary. If you feel like it would make you feel better to go and have a private talk with Izzy then that is up to you."
"I feel like if I don't go talk to her then our already fragile friendship might be hurt further. When you were gone she tried so hard to get me to talk to her. She kept apologizing to me for not spending enough time with me but I just pushed her away. She kept trying to get me to talk to Simon on the phone and both her and Alec kept trying to get me to go and see Simon. They know that Simon is my best friend and I know they thought that if I would at least talk to him then maybe I would stop crying and hiding in my room. I didn't want to talk to Simon. I didn't want to talk to anyone but you."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I didn't think you wanted to talk to me anymore. I figured you left because you hated me after what I had done to you in the training room. Not to mention; even if you would have answered your phone that isn't the same thing as seeing you. Everything I wanted to say to you couldn't be said over the phone; I needed to face you when I talked to you about how I felt. To be able to look you in the eyes when I made my apology to you."
"When did you decide that you wanted to talk to me?"
"The same day I attacked you in the training room; well later that night actually. It was really late; probably almost one in the morning and I didn't want to wake you up. I went to sleep with the intensions of finding you first thing the next morning but when I woke up you were already gone."
"Fuck! You should have come to my room; I wasn't even sleeping at one in the morning. Even if I were sleeping; waking up to your beautiful face would have been the best way in the world to wake up."
"I'm sorry. I did think about texting you. I figured if I sent you a text saying that I wanted to talk to you then maybe you would come back home but I just couldn't push the send button."
"Hey let's put all that behind us okay? We could sit here and play the shoulda coulda woulda game all day but let's not do that. I think we should go to the park like you wanted to earlier."
"I only wanted to go to the park so we could put off talking about everything to Alec and Izzy."
"So what do you want to do then? We should go do something fun; after all of that we could use a little bit of fun today."
"We could go for a ride in your car. You haven't even showed it to me yet."
"You haven't seen snowflake yet?"
"Snowflake?"
"That's her name. I named my car snowflake."
"Awe that is…kind of sweet actually."
"Give me time baby and I will show you that I can be so sweet you will get a toothache."
"I have a confession to make to you Jace."
"Oh and what's that?"
"I actually have seen your car."
"When?"
"About three months ago I was home alone and I was bored so I took a tour of the institute."
"Did you touch my car when you went into the garage?"
"No, I promise you I only looked at it. I looked at it and I looked at the pictures of it on the wall."
"I wouldn't have cared if you touch my car; I was only messing with you. Come along then; we will go for a car ride."
I open the car door for Clary and can't help but smile at her huge grin as she slides across the leather seat. Getting in I start the car and rev the engine and laugh loudly when I hear Clary giggle as she claps her small hands together in excitement. I hand her my IPod and tell her to pick out some music for us to listen to.
"Rise Against? Good choice Clary; I haven't listened to them for a while."
"I like this band but I don't have any of their CD's."
"Remind me to give them to you when I get home. I think I have three of their CD's in my room; I never listen to any of my CD's anymore now that I have an IPod."
"I will get Simon to make me copies of them and then I will give them right back to you."
"First of all that is illegal Clary; it's illegal to copy music like that. Second of all I don't want them back you can keep them. In fact you can take whatever CD's you want; I told you I never listen to them anymore. Shit I think I have probably two thousand CD's or better and all they are doing is collecting dust in my closet."
"Wow really? Thanks Jace."
"You're welcome baby."
We both sing along with the music as I drive out of the city; I want to get out on the open highway so Clary can really enjoy our car ride. Twenty minutes later we are sailing at close to ninety on the four lane highway. Clary has the window down and her hair is blowing across her face as she sticks her hand out the window; feeling the air on her palm as I speed down the highway. Clary pushes her hair away from her face and smiles at me; her smile is light and carefree and I can't help but return it with one of my own.
"Is that how fast we are going?"
I glace at the tack on the dash and it tells me we are going ninety-two miles an hour.
"Yep."
"Slow down right now!"
I take my foot of the gas pedal and let the speed of my car reduce to sixty-five before looking at her to see if I should slow down further.
"Please don't drive fast like that anymore. We would be killed if we wrecked at that speed."
"I'm an excellent driver Clary."
"Okay you might be a good driver but what about the other drivers? Besides it's illegal to go that fast. A half an hour ago you were scolding me for wanting to make copies of a couple of CD's. "
"Fair enough. I apologize if I scared you."
"I thought I was going to throw up when I saw how fast you were going."
"She sure does float down the highway nicely at that speed though doesn't she?"
"Yes, yes she does but she floats just as nicely at sixty-five too."
"Do you know how to drive a car Clary?"
"No, I guess I never really found the need to learn to be honest with you. We live in the city so I just walk or use the subway to get around. Simon uses his buddy's van anytime we need to go elsewhere."
"Do you want me to teach you how to drive?"
"Sure maybe someday I can get an old beater and you can take me somewhere where there is no traffic so I can learn."
"Why wait?"
"What do you mean?"
"I can teach you right now."
"In this?"
"Sure, why not?"
"No way Jace, this car is your baby and you worked so hard to restore it; you would kill me if I so much as scratched the paint let alone accidently wrecked it."
"Oh stop it, you won't wreck the car and for the record you are my baby. This is just a car and I can always get another car. The only thing I would care about if you wrecked would be you because I can't get another you."
"Okay if you're sure you won't kill me if something happens but can you maybe find like an empty parking lot or something? I don't think I feel comfortable enough to try driving with other cars around me."
"Don't worry; I know the perfect place to teach you."
A half an hour later I pull up to the end of the abandoned air strip and get out of the car. I open the passenger side and tell Clary to slide across the seat. After she adjusts the seat so she can reach the pedals she buckles her seat belt and looks at me.
"What do I do now?"
"You need to adjust the mirrors so you can see behind you and along both sides of the car…no don't move your head…keep your head still and look at the mirrors with just your eyes."
I wait as she takes the time to adjust her side mirror and wait even longer for her to adjust the rearview mirror. I adjust the passenger side mirror to where I think she will be able to see and after one minor adjustment she is able to see out of all the mirrors clearly.
"Okay now what?"
"Put your foot on the break and shift the car into drive."
"This one on the left is the brake right?"
"Yes that's right…no, don't use your left foot; you are supposed to use your right foot. You use your right foot for both the gas and the brake. You are only supposed to use your left foot if there is a clutch pedal but since this is an automatic you are only going to be using your right foot."
The car begins to move as soon as she shifts it into drive and she slams the brakes on causing the tires to chirp. She looks over at me with an apologetic smile on her face as her cheeks turn pink. I reach up and turn off the music before giving her a reassuring smile.
"It's okay baby. Remember you are going to want to keep your foot on the brake until you are ready to begin driving. So whenever you are ready take your foot off the brake and gently place your foot on the gas pedal."
She takes a moment to breathe and then she takes her foot off the brake and pushes in the gas pedal hard enough to chirp the tires once more before she slams on the brakes again.
"I'm sorry Jace. Am I hurting your car?"
"No you're not hurting the car; I promise. Relax, take a deep breath and try again but remember gently Clary."
After almost a full hour goes by I am relaxed enough to just sit back and enjoy watching her as she drives around the empty airport. I chuckle whenever she starts to go a little faster than she means too and ends up hitting the brake a little too hard but other than that she is doing a good job.
"Look at that baby; you're a natural. I think you can drive from here on out. I quite like sitting over here; I can take in the scenery much better now that I don't need to focus on driving."
"What scenery? You have been watching me the entire time."
"Exactly!"
She rolls her eyes at me and I chuckle at her.
"Am I really doing a good job driving?"
"Absolutely."
"Well I still won't be able to drive you around any time soon."
"Why not?"
"I don't have a driver's license Jace."
"So I will take you to the DMV and get you one."
"Don't I have to take a written test or something too?"
"Well nowadays you just push buttons on a computer but yes you will have to take a test. Don't worry I will get you a book and help you study. You are a smart girl and with my help you will pass the test with flying colors. I will need to show you how to park and a few other things but we are probably getting pretty low on gas and I don't know about you but I could go for something to eat."
Fifteen minutes later I begin to pump some much needed gas into my car and Clary is squirming beside me.
"Do you have to pee?"
"Yes, really badly."
"There are bathrooms inside. I figured we would wait until we get closer to home to find a place to eat so you should go pee now."
"Okay. Are you coming inside or should I just meet you back here at the car?"
"I want something to drink; I'm thirsty so I will just meet you inside."
She jumps up and kisses my cheek before she sprints towards the gas station; I can't help but laugh at her because seeing her run that fast tells me just how much she needed to use the bathroom. I pull my credit card receipt from the gas pump and go into the gas station where I find Clary in the candy isle. She yips when I place my hands on her hips.
"You scared me Jace!"
"Sorry Clary; what are you getting?"
"Just some gum but I can't find the right kind."
"What kind are you looking for?"
"Bubble gum, I thought we could have a bubble blowing contest to keep us entertained on the way back home."
I throw my head back in laughter and to my own surprise begin to help her find bubble gum; getting excited for our contest. I feel like such a little kid over my excitement for a stupid bubble blowing contest yet I couldn't be happier at the thought of how much fun it will be. Alec and I used to have bubble blowing contest all the time when we were little and it was always so much fun.
Clary and I have a good time blowing bubbles on the way back into the city. Once we get closer to a small Italian place that I have eaten at before; I find a parking spot. I am still holding Clary's hand as we enter the restaurant. The smell of the food makes my stomach growl and I hear her chuckle at the noise my stomach makes.
"You really are hungry aren't you Jace?"
"Starving."
A balding man takes us to a table for two and hands us our menus before telling us our server will be with us shortly. I end up ordering Lasagna and Clary said she was going to try the steamed clams but she chickened out at the last minute and ended up ordering the chicken parmesan; which I ended up eating half of. It's nearly eight at night when I finally back my car into the dark garage. I shut the motor off but leave the key on before I push the button that turns on the green floor lights.
"Oh aren't those pretty? I didn't even know you had them."
"I put them in a while ago; got them on sale. They were one of the easier things to put into this car. Do you like the color?"
"Yes, it's pretty."
"I painted the black stripes on the car for my sister; I paid way too much fucking money to get the blue stitching on the leather for Alec and I figured since I can't ever get your green eyes out of my head anyhow I would just embrace it to the fullest by getting the green lights for you."
"Awe that's so sweet."
I shut the lights off and put the keys in my pocket before opening my car door.
"I can't see anything Jace."
"Stay there, I'll come around and get you."
I hold her hand until we step back into the light of the hallway inside of the institute where I release her hand only to pin her against the wall.
"What are you doing Jace?"
"I haven't kissed you're sweet lips all day and I just can't wait another minute."
She giggles as I begin to kiss her but her giggles stop when I slide my tongue into her mouth. After several stops along the way to my room to kiss further we are now in my bathroom and she is watching me as I brush my teeth. With my toothbrush still in my mouth I begin to peel my clothes off until I am naked.
"I should go brush my teeth and get some jammies on." She says after she is done staring at my naked body.
"Here, you can use my toothbrush and I can give you one of my t-shirts if you want."
"Use your toothbrush? Isn't that gross?"
"We have had our tongues in each other's mouths so why would sharing a toothbrush be any different?"
Not finding a reason to argue she just shrugs and takes my toothbrush from me. She is busy brushing her teeth when I slide my hands around her tiny waist as I stand behind her. I begin to kiss he neck as I unbutton and then unzip her jeans. I have her jeans halfway down her thighs when she spins around in my arms and pulls my face to hers where she kisses my hungrily. After we make love I am lying on my back and Clary has her head on my chest. I have my fingers knotted in her sweaty hair as I rub her back and she is rubbing my stomach. I stop rubbing her back to reach over to set my alarm so we will get to the training room in time because tomorrow is Monday.
"What time is it?" Her voice sounds tired.
"Only a little after nine."
"I think I could fall asleep right now; I'm tired."
"Me too. Good night baby."
"Goodnight Jace."
Life couldn't be better than it is right now. I have the most amazing girl sleeping on my chest and for once in my life I can feel everything. This green eyed girl makes me not feel numb anymore and she makes me feel alive and so damned happy; I never want to stop feeling this way. I don't ever want to feel numb again. I will do anything to keep this feeling and to keep this girl happy. As long as I can look into her green eyes every day and see her smiling face my life will be complete.
AUTHORS NOTE…..
THANKS FOR READING AND PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO SEND ME SOME FEEDBACK. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS AND YOUR HONEST OPINIONS AND THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS STORY…PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING….OH AND SINCE I AM A HUGE MUSIC LOVER; I AM CURIOUS AS TO WHAT YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO…LET ME KNOW WHAT MAKES YOUR EARS DROOL MY LOVELY'S
WITH LOVE
~N~