Song List for this chapter:
Sleep-My Chemical Romance (( MCR IS PROBABLY MY FAVORITE BAND))
Little Monster-Royal Blood
Big Girls Cry-Sia
Belief-Gavin DeGraw
Feels Like Summer-Panama Wedding
The Becoming-Nine Inch Nails
You're Turning Into John Wayne-Twin Atlantic
Latch(Acoustic)-Sam Smith
Can't Stop-OneRepublic
Red Light-Jonny Lang
18 Days-Saving Abel
Do I Wanna Know?-Artic Monkeys
Raining-Art Of Dying(Feat. Adam Gontier)
2 MONTHS LATER.
"Hurry up Jace! I'm going to be late for my appointment!"
Clary and I have officially been together for two months now and the stubborn little thing still refuses to get into the shower with me. Her refusal to shower with me, in addition to a few other (I won't lie they are perverted) things I would love to do with her, are driving me insane. I tell her all the time how beautiful she is and I can't keep I my damn hands off her, even when I probably should be (the looks Clary and I get from Alec and Izzy tell me how true this fact is) yet she is still to this day very insecure about her body. I don't get it; I think she's smoking hot.
"Get into the shower with me Clary and then you won't have to worry about being late for your appointment!"
"I am going to my room to shower; I'll see you later Jace."
I pull the shower curtain aside to catch her before she exits my bathroom.
"Come here." I purr.
"No." She can't hide the smile on her face or the pink color on her cheeks seeing my naked body in the bright light of the bathroom. Seeing her blush like that makes my heart beat faster in my chest because I am able to affect her that way. I admit I have had many, many opportunities to see her naked but never in bright lighting; she's too damn shy and it's extremely frustrating.
"Don't make me come over there Clary. I just want a good morning kiss before you leave me." I say innocently (well, maybe not that innocently).
She furrows her eyebrows at me for a moment but reluctantly walks over to me and leans forward as she puckers her full lips at me. I kiss her gently, allowing my lips to linger long enough to try to tempt her into changing her mind about getting into the shower with me. When I pull back and open my eyes I can see desire burning into her green eyes and I have to bite back my laughter just in case she does change her mind.
"I will see you around lunch time. I love you." She says.
"Why exactly don't you want me to go to your appointment with you again?"
"I never said I didn't want you to go; I only assumed you wouldn't want to go."
"You, my sweet girl, assumed wrong."
"Wait so you want to go then?"
"Of course I want to go with you. Clary, you are going to the doctors and as your boyfriend it's part of my duty to go with you for support."
"Duty? Do you have some sort of relationship manual that I don't know about?"
"Well, no but I still want to go with you."
"Fine, go along if you want to. I am going to get my shower now so I will meet you downstairs."
"Thank you baby." I say sweetly.
"Un-huh…love you."
"Love you too baby even though I will be so lonely in this hot shower all by my lonesome."
She completely ignores my pathetic attempt to coax her into the shower with me and I chuckle at her as she stalks out of my bathroom in defeat. Knowing her she probably thinks I am up to no good; wanting to go to her doctor's appointment with her but I'm not. The truth is I was being honest with her when I said its part of my duty to support her. If she is going to the doctor, I want to be there with her; fuck who am I kidding? I always want to be with her. I have no idea how but I think I fall in love with her more each day we spend together. I can talk to her about anything, she makes me laugh pretty much every day, she does sweet little things for me for no reason at all, and to top it off our intense physical chemistry only seems to grow more intense each time we so much as touch each other.
Three days ago she broke the news to me that I was not allowed to be inside of her for the following seventy-two hours because she had a doctor's appointment. I laughed at her and told her that her joke was cruel but then she explained to me that it was a gynecologists appointment and then she went on to explain (in detail) as to why I couldn't not be inside of her; something about the test coming back wrong or some shit.
She then completely shot me down when I told her that oral pleasure wouldn't count; she told me I was disgusting. That girl has no idea what she is missing; I will get to taste her sweet center some day; there is only so many times she can say no and I can be very persistent (not to mention I have no problem fighting dirty) when I want to be. I was so damn close to convincing her to let me go down on her a few weeks ago but when I fucked up and told her that I'd never actually done it before when she asked me if I enjoyed doing that kind of thing; my attempt backfired and then we got into a twenty minute argument about the subject.
I kicked myself for telling her the truth but I didn't want to lie to her; I never want lie to her about anything. She asked me why I wanted so much to do something that I have never actually done before; I told her it was because I wanted to make her feel good. Granted I have never went down on any girl before but I imagine that I would be good (I'm actually very insecure about this to be honest) at it considering everything else I do to Clary she seems to enjoy. She then confirmed my thoughts by telling me that everything I do to her makes her feel good and that she didn't want a bad experience to mess things up. I used her own words against her by saying: 'Exactly Clary! You just said everything I do to you makes you feel good so why won't you let me go down on you?' The stubborn little thing then rolled her eyes at me and said: 'But what if I taste bad Jace; what if it's so terrible for you that you are completely turned off from me?' I then told her she was just being ridiculous but I ended up just dropping the subject when I saw her begin to wring her fingers because obviously the whole subject was making her uncomfortable.
I finish my shower and decide to skip shaving so I don't make her late for her appointment and head downstairs to meet her. When I get to the main floor of the institute she is nowhere to be found and I decide to just wait by the elevator for her to get downstairs. Ten minutes later, the elevator opens and out she steps with a strange smile on her face.
"What's wrong baby?"
"Jace, are you sure you want to go with me? I have been going to the same clinic for almost two years now and not once have I ever seen a guy sitting in the waiting area."
"So? Who gives a shit?"
"You might feel a little uncomfortable."
"Oh stop it Clary. You should know better by now; there isn't really anything that makes me uncomfortable. A room full of pregnant woman and sex crazed teenage girls won't faze me in the least. In fact I think it will be fun to watch them all turn green with envy."
"What are you even talking about Jace?"
"When they see me sitting there holding your hand they will all be thinking how unfair it is that their men don't take them to their gyno appointments."
I chuckle when she rolls her green eyes at me and she pulls her hand from my mine and crosses her arms in anger because I laughed at her. I stop dead in my tracks as we walk down the sidewalk towards the clinic. My voice comes out loud:
"Clarissa Adel Fairchild! I will not move from this spot until you hold my hand!"
She stomp her foot as she turns to look at me before taking the two steps back to my side where she holds her hand out towards me. I smile widely and take her tiny hand in mine and we continue down the sidewalk.
"You are such a brat sometimes."
"You love me."
"I do love you Jace but you are still a brat."
"I can see how hard it is for you not to laugh right now. You love my playful side and you know it."
She gives up her attempt to scowl as she begins to laugh and slides her tiny body against mine; wrapping her arms around my waist for a side hug just as we reach our destination. I kiss the top of her head as I return her hug before pulling the door to the clinic open. Holy fuck! There must be twenty females in here ranging from the age of fourteen all the way to the age of fifty. Clary being true to her word; there is not one single member of the male species in the room. When we step into the room I can feel twenty sets of eyes on me as I hold Clary's hand. I avert my eyes away from the gawking females and focus on Clary's red hair as she signs in on the clip board. The nurse behind the window tells her to have a seat in the waiting area and she informs Clary that the clinic is running a little behind schedule due to an emergency this morning and that we might have to wait an extra half an hour for her to see the doctor. Fuck! This should be interesting to sit in a room full of twenty gawking woman for thirty minutes.
I look at the clock on the wall for what feels like the hundredth time only to see that we have been sitting here for a measly ten minutes. Clary is busy reading some shitty gossip magazine and I am bored to death and to my own surprise slightly uncomfortable because these women have no shame at all. They are shamelessly staring at me as I sit next to Clary; some of them even whisper to each other and one woman even points right at me. What the fuck? Do they think I can't see them? Clary's warm breath on my ear makes me jump as she starts to whisper in my ear.
"Are you okay Jace? You are kind of sweating."
I turn my head to look at her and just nod, no trusting myself to keep my voice free of panic. Her eyes search my face and I give her a quick peck on the cheek to reassure her that I am fine. I hear one of the women say 'awe' when I kiss Clary's cheek and it makes me smile. That's right ladies! I get boyfriend of the year award for accompanying my girlfriend to her pap smear (whatever the hell that is). Deciding that unless I find some way to entertain myself; the next twenty minute are going to go by excruciatingly slow. There is a lady that looks to be about thirty years old and also looks like she will go into labor at any given moment by the size of her swollen belly sitting directly across from me in the small waiting area. I wait for her to look at me again (I say again because I have caught her looking at me several times already) to smile at her. She returns my smile with a shy one of her own as she rubs her belly.
"Are you having a boy or a girl ma'am?" I ask sweetly.
"A girl but she doesn't seem to want to come out and meet us anytime soon." She replies.
"What do you mean?"
"I am three days past my due date and have no signs of labor. That's why I am here; to see if my doctor wants me to go to the hospital for induction."
"Induction?"
The woman is noticeably more comfortable as we converse across the small room (I fight the urge to do something inappropriate because every other female in the room is listening to our conversation) and she lets out a small chuckle along with about five other woman's chuckles at my question.
"The doctors will give me medicine to help me go into labor so that the baby will come; it's called induction or induced labor."
"Oh…do you know what you are going to call her when she comes out?"
"Well if my husband had his way she would be called Martha after his grandmother but her name is going to be Sarah."
"Sarah is a lovely name. I take it your husband and you were able to agree on the name choice?"
"Yes we were; in fact he is very happy with my name choice because his great grandmother's name was Sarah. I actually always wanted to name my daughter Iris after my favorite flower but then again I think the name Sarah is nice too so I figured we could compromise."
"That's wonderful ma'am."
Clary continues to read about which celebrity is dating who and which one of them are in rehab again as this pregnant woman and I carry on our conversation; every other woman in the room seems to be hanging on every word of me and the pregnant woman's interaction.
"Oh please don't call me ma'am; you make me feel old. My name is Hellen."
"I sincerely apologize for making such a lovely woman as yourself feel old. I will call you Hellen from now on. It's very nice to meet you my name is Jace."
"Well it's nice to meet you too Jace. You are a very nice young man; your parents must be proud of the gentleman they have raised."
I can't help it when my smile slips from my face at the mention of my parents but I quickly recover and nod at her as I smile widely at her. I love how well Clary and I are connected because at the mention of my parents she leans over and nudges me to get my attention; she points to something random in her magazine and I pretend to study it intently; effectively ending my conversation with Hellen. A few minutes later Clary closes the magazine and tosses it on the table next to her chair before she laces her fingers into mine and slouches in her chair.
"It's been over a half an hour; I wonder how much longer we have to wait?"
I absently trace small circle onto the palm of her hand as I smile softly at her. My smile and my eyes tell her I am just as annoyed to be sitting here waiting as she is.
"I'm sure it will be anytime now baby."
She groans loudly and begins to bounce her knees up and down. I lean over and whisper softly in her ear so no one will hear my question.
"Do you have to pee?"
"Really bad." She whispers back.
"Why didn't you go before we left?"
"They always make me pee in a cup when I come here so I wanted to make sure I would be able to go but I didn't know I was going to have to wait this long."
I stand up and walk over to the glass window and the nurse jumps in her chair when I knock lightly in the glass to get her attention. I smile sweetly at her when she slides the glass open. I can hear Clary's strained whisper asking me what I am doing but I ignore her.
"Can I help you young man?"
"My apologies for interrupting you nurse. I can understand how busy the office must be today with your early morning emergency but I was hoping you would be able to help me out with something if it's not too much trouble?"
She returns my smile as she leans forward in her chair to look into my golden eyes; I have her eating out of the palm of my hand with my soft words and my peculiar colored eyes.
"And what exactly can I help you with sweetheart?"
I lower my voice and lean my head inside of her little window to keep our conversation more private.
"My girlfriend had a ten o'clock appointment and by no means am I expecting to jump line or anything but she really needs to use the restroom but is refusing to empty her bladder because she claims that the doctor needs a sample. Do you think it would be possible for her to at least deposit her sample right now before she embarrasses herself by wetting her pants? We are happy to wait as long as we are needed to in order to see the doctor but I'm sure you can be sympathetic to her situation."
"Oh my goodness the poor thing must be miserable out there. Tell her to go ahead and go on back; she will know where to go."
"How wonderful! Thank you so much; you don't know how much this means to me."
"You are welcome and you are such a sweet young man for saving her from embarrassment like that."
"Thank you."
I quickly make my way back to my squirming girlfriend and whisper in her ear what the nurse just told me. Her eyes go wide and her cheeks flush with color but she doesn't utter a single word; she only gets up and makes a mad dash for the door to use the restroom. I can feel eyes on me even more so now that Clary is gone from my side, thankfully though there are only about seven female in the room since the majority of the ladies have taken their turns to see the doctor. I wish my new friend Hellen was still sitting across from me so I had someone to talk to. I do my best to pretend not to be affected by the staring women as I wait for Clary to come back. Relief washes over me when I see her smiling face as she opens the door and then takes her seat next to me once again.
I take her hand in mine and raise the back of her hand to my mouth so I can kiss her soft skin. Her cheeks are flushed with color as I rub the back of her hand on my cheek.
"Thank you for that Jace."
"You're welcome baby. Do you feel better now?"
"So much better; you have no idea."
I chuckle softly as I continue to stroke my cheek with the back of her hand.
"You didn't shave this morning."
"I didn't want to make you late for your appointment. I will shave when I get home I promise."
"No you don't have to. I kind of like your stubble; I was only commenting that's all."
I smile at her and kiss her hand again before resting both of our hands on my thigh; she rests her head on my shoulder as we prepare to wait for her name to be called. Fifteen minutes later; Clary jolts awake when one of the nurses opens the door and calls her name. I stand up and begin to follow her but she turns around and places her small hand on my chest to stop me.
"Jace you can't come back here with me."
"Why not?
"Actually he is welcome to go in with you if you want him to Clary." The nurse adds helpfully.
"Please just wait out here for me Jace."
As much as I want to argue with her about this her pleading eyes are begging me to go sit down and wait for her until she is done seeing the doctor. Not trusting my voice to not sound pathetically disappointed; I simply kiss her cheek and return to my seat as she disappears through the door. I sigh loudly as I sink into my chair. When will that girl stop being so uncomfortable with her body around me? I just remembered that I asked her two months ago to take time to really look at herself in the mirror in the hopes that she could see how beautiful she really is but she never did tell me if she took the time to do what I asked her to. I will ask her about it when we get home later. I am going to have to make more of an effort to tell her how much I enjoy her naked body from now on. I mean I tell her how beautiful she is all the time but maybe I should be a little more specific. Maybe I need to tell her how I love the curve of her hipbone. To tell her how just the sight of her pale thighs send shivers up my spine; or how the color of her nipples reminds me of the color of a pretty pink rose. Or even…fuck I need to stop thinking about her naked body in such a public place; I can feel blood rushing to my lower body and heat rising on the back of my neck thinking about her naked body.
I decide to sing in my head to attempt to control my perverted thoughts of Clary as I wait for her to come out from seeing the doctor. Three songs later a tall (I'm talking almost six feet tall here) blond (bleached out of a box blond) girl approaches me; she is probably about fifteen or sixteen and she has an annoying giggle as she takes a seat next to me. Her eyes dart back towards her dark haired friend that is a few seats down before turning her blue eyes on me.
"Hi my name is Sammy and my friend Tara over there is making me come over here and talk to you."
"Talk to me about what?" Annoyance is heavy in my tone.
"Well she thinks you are really cute and she was wondering if things were serious between you and that red head that was sitting next to you or if maybe you guys were in a more casual relationship."
"Why does she want to know that?" I ask irritated; I think I know where this is going.
"Like I said, she thinks you're cute; I do too actually but she was wondering if maybe she could have your phone number or maybe she could give you hers."
Fuck! These stupid little girls are pissing me off. As far as the blond goes if it wasn't for her annoying voice her long legs would have at one time intrigued me. The dark haired friend of hers is probably just like some of the trashy girls I have interacted with at the club on countless occasions. You know the ones that pretend to be shy but when you finally talk to them they turn out to be fucking freaks. They want you to bend them over the sink in some dirty bathroom and slap their ass when you fuck them senseless. Yep I would have definitely at one time considered fucking both of these girls; probably even fucked one while the other on watched or maybe even joined in on the fun but I'm not that person anymore. Now I am Clary's boyfriend. Now I don't even care to look at any other girls; that little red head is all I see anymore. I love her and I can't imagine a day where I didn't love her. This girl and her little dark haired friend need to find another dude to drool over because Jace Wayland is no longer on the market for a casual fuck; Jace Wayland is now someone's boyfriend.
"Well, Sammy was it? Tell your friend that me and that little red head are very, very serious about each other; so serious in fact that you might want to stop talking to me before she comes out here and catches you. Don't let her tiny frame fool you; when that girl feels threatened she can be ruthless. It would be such a shame to see her get you and your friends blood on this nice carpet in here."
The blond girl's eyes go wide and she quickly gets up and rushes back to her dark haired friend where they start a heated whispering conversation that I ignore as I lift up one of the gossip magazines. An hour later I am the only one sitting in the room and I find myself starting to worry about Clary. What the hell is taking so long? Everyone else that was sitting in the room after Clary went in has come and gone already.
Just when I convince myself to go and tap on the glass to see what is taking so long the door opens and Clary walks out; my stomach flips violently and my mouth goes dry at the sight of her. She looks like she has been crying; I mean fucking sobbing crying. My stomach flips again when she tries to dart away from my outstretched hands but with one sideways step with my long legs I have her against my chest and my arms wrapped tightly around her tiny body. Her body begins to shudder against my chest and I can hear her sniffling against my shirt.
"What's wrong baby?" I ask calmly.
"Take me home now." She sobs.
"Tell me what's wrong."
"Take me home!" Her harsh tone feels like a slap to my face.
I decide to do as she asks and take her home. She tries to shake her hand from mine but I just tighten my grip around her small hand; forcing her to hold my hand the whole way home. Our walk home is slow and quiet; each silent minute makes my stomach and my chest ache painfully. My head is spinning with questions and concerns as I hold her stiff hand in mine as we step into the elevator. As soon as the door opens to the floor where our bedrooms are; she forcefully removes her hand from mine and takes off running down the hall towards my bedroom. When she passes right by my room I begin to sprint down the hall after her.
"Don't follow me Jace! Just leave me alone!"
I stop running so fast that I feel like her words somehow formed a brick wall that I slammed into. Oh for the love of all things holy what the fuck is happening? Why is she so upset? Why is she being so cold towards me? Why is she pushing me away? Why the fuck is she leaving me again? Anger flares in me and I start running down the hall again but instead of going to Clary's room I find myself pounding on my sister's bedroom door. I continue to pound at a steady rate until Izzy's door flies open and her dark eyes look angry when she sees me standing there. She huffs loudly when I shove my way into her room; closing the door once inside.
"What the hell Jace?"
"I need you to go talk to Clary for me Izzy."
"Why? What for?"
"If I knew the answer to that question do you really think I would be standing here right now?"
"So let me get this straight Jace. You come barging into my room and talk to me as though I am some kind of simpleton and expect me to help you?"
"Fuck! I'm sorry Izzy. Will you please go talk to Clary for me? I took her to the doctors and when she came out she was crying and she ran straight to her room when we got home. I don't know what to do. Please help me?"
"I will try my best to get her to talk but I can't make any promises to you Jace. Honestly if she won't talk to you she most likely won't talk to me either."
"Maybe she will though. You're a girl and maybe this is some kind of girl thing that she doesn't want to talk to me about. Please just try Iz."
"What kind of doctor's appointment did she have?"
"You know the women kind."
"You mean a gynecology appointment?"
"Yes."
Izzy narrows her dark eyes at me for a moment and darts out of the room without another word. I decide to sit on her bed and wait for her to come back. I must have fallen asleep because I am woken up by my sister slapping the shit out of me and she is screaming at me. I am too groggy from being rudely awoken to even begin to comprehend what the fuck is going on.
"What the fuck? Stop fucking hitting me Iz and stop screaming; I can't even understand what you are saying."
Izzy stops screaming and she is no longer hitting me. When I look up at her, her shoulders are heaving and her face is beat red. Fuck she's pissed!
"You are such a stupid asshole! What the hell is wrong with you Jace?" She shouts.
"What are you talking about?"
"How did this even happen? I thought you were always so safe. Did you just run out of condoms and decide, oh what the hell?"
"What are you talking about? Fuck Izzy!"
She reaches over and slaps me upside the head again. I jump up and grab her arms and pin them to her sides as I glare at her.
"So help me god Isabelle if you don't stop hitting me and if you don't start taking to me I will kill you!"
Her dark eyes harden as she looks up at me.
"You are going to be a father Jace."
"What?"
"Father, daddy, parent of child; should I go on?"
"Clary's pregnant?"
"Yes you fucking moron."
Before I can even comprehend what is happening I am doubled over and puking all over my sisters fluffy purple carpet. I am relieved when Izzy doesn't scream at me for ruining her carpet and I am shocked when she places her hand on my shoulder in an attempt soothe me. I feel the overwhelming urge to cry but I need to get the fuck away from my sister before I can allow the tears to start. I shrug her hand off my shoulder and walk to my room only to walk back out and head down the hall again towards Clary's room. I knock on the door and her sad voice asks who is there.
"It's me." I croak; the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.
"Go away!" She shouts.
"Baby…please open the door so we can talk about this."
"Leave me alone Jace!" She shrills even louder than before.
The threat of tears are gone as rage fills my body. I pound my fist on her door.
"Open this mother fucking door right now Clarissa! You can't fucking hide from me forever so you might as well just open the damn door!" I shout.
"Please just leave me alone Jace." Her tone is flat; completely lacking emotion.
Fuck this shit! Fuck this shit all the way to hell and back! I kick her door; right at the lock a few times with my booted foot. The door and the frame creak and snap loudly at my kicking.
"Hey! Jace! Stop right now! What the hell are you doing?"
I look over my shoulder to see Alec standing in his open doorway all the way down at the far end of the hall.
"Mind your own fucking business Alec; this doesn't concern you."
Alec begins to walk faster down the hall towards me as I start to slam my shoulder against Clary's bedroom door.
"Open this fucking door right now Clarissa!"
Just before Alec can reach me and with one more hard slam of my shoulder; I burst into her bedroom. I slam the door in Alec's face only to have him push it open again.
"Jace, what on earth?"
"Get out Alec; this doesn't concern you."
"You are fucking raging mad right now; how does that not concern me? Don't you dare touch her Jace!"
"Fuck you! Get the fuck out of here now Alec. I should kick you in your fucking teeth for even thinking something like that. Get out! Get out now!" I am spitting; I am so damned mad at him right now.
Alec looks at me for a moment and then backs out of Clary's room; pulling the busted door shut as he goes. I look around her room and find her nowhere in sight. I glance in her bathroom and under her bed before realizing that she must be hiding in her closet. Lucky for my sore shoulder there is no lock on her closet door and I take a deep breath before turning the handle. Once the closet door is open I have to strain my eyes to see her tiny body pressed into the far corner of her dark closet. She has her knees pull up to her chest and her face is buried into the palms of her hands. Her whole body is shaking and her sobs are painful to hear. My own chest begins to ache and my eyes fill with tears as I drop to my knees. Fuck me! She is so scared of me right now. She must think I am going to hurt her. I can't say I don't blame her for thinking those things; it was fucking crazy of me to bust through her door like I just did.
"Clary, please come out of there...I'm not going to hurt you…Baby you know I would never ever hurt you…Please come out of there…I am so sorry if I scared you…Come on, come out of there please."
"Please don't yell at me anymore."
"I won't yell; I'm so sorry. Please come here."
While still on my knees I back away from her closet to show her I mean her no harm. Fuck I am sick to my stomach at her fear of me. She begins to crawl slowly out of her closet but before she can come the whole way out she decides to sit against the door frame so she can go back to her hiding place if she feels threatened again. She is quite for a few minutes before finally looking up at me. Her tear filled eyes go wide when she looks at me.
"Why are you crying Jace?"
"Why do you think Clary?" I do my best to keep my voice soft.
"I'm sorry Jace."
"You don't have a clue why I'm crying right now do you?"
"Oh I think I might have a clue." Her words are cold and her green eyes are even colder.
"Why do you push me away?"
The ice from her cold eyes disappears and now her eyes stare at me in confusion.
"Didn't Izzy tell you Jace?"
"Why do you push me away? Why do you always leave me?" My questions are more forceful this time.
"I panicked."
"That's a poor fucking excuse Clary and you know it."
"I guess I figured I would push you away before you could push me away." She whispers.
"Why would I do that? I fucking love you." My voice cracks as more tears spill down my cheeks.
"You mean you don't hate me for getting pregnant?"
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I don't understand her tone; her tone confuses my question filled mind painfully. Did she just admit to me that maybe this wasn't some kind of fucked up accident with her tone?
"I love you. Nothing is going to change that Clary." I use my words carefully.
"I'm sorry I pushed you away like that."
"You really hurt me when you push me away and shut me out like that."
"I'm…s-sorry…I just got scared…I didn't know what you were going to say when I told you."
As much as I want to press the issue of how much it really did hurt for her to shut me out; not mention the fact that my sister had to be to one to tell me I was going to be a father instead of telling me herself; I decide to let it go because she is crying and shaking all over again.
"What did the doctor say?" I ask calmly.
"He said that I am about seven weeks pregnant."
"I thought you couldn't get pregnant? I thought you were on the shot? You told me I didn't have to use condoms because you were on birth control."
"Jace…I-I promise you I didn't do this on purpose. Please you have to believe me."
I close my eyes and attempt to wipe the never ending tears from my face before trying to talk again.
"This is my fault. I should have used condoms; I shouldn't have trusted…"
I stop talking when she cries out painfully and begins to back into the closet. I move fast and grab ahold of her before she can tuck herself in the dark corner once more. The way she flinched as I moved towards her was enough to make my throw up.
"Fuck, I'm sorry Clary. I don't even know why I said that. Please say you forgive me? By the Angel Clary my head hurts from all this shit; it hurts so much that I am saying shit that I don't mean. I know this didn't happen on purpose and I do trust you. I love you please look at me."
I have my hands cupped around her face as she looks down at the floor for a long minute before her green eyes look up at me.
"I love you Jace."
I kiss her forehead and pull back to look at her again.
"Tell me how this happened. Did you miss an appointment or something?"
"No, my last appointment was about two weeks before you and I were together that very first time and I was supposed to get my next shot today but when they tested my urine it came back positive for pregnancy. The doctor told me that I should have gotten the notice in the mail about the defective batch of birth control shots. I told him I must have assumed the letter was just a reminder to pay my bill and since I had already sent out the payment I just threw away the letter without even opening it. Jace I'm sorry. We still have plenty of time to take care of all of this so don't worry okay."
"Take care of all this? What do you mean take care of all of this?"
"I still have almost five weeks to go to the clinic. It's kind of expensive and they said I would be sore for a few days but everything is going to be okay I promise."
"What are you saying here Clary? Are you trying to tell me you are going to get an abortion?"
"I will do whatever you want me to do Jace. I just want you to love me. Please tell me what to do."
I drop my hands from her face and back away from this green eyed girl that I love with all of my heart; the heart that she just shattered into a million pieces with her words. How can I look at her right now? She just said she wanted to get an abortion; no actually she said that she loved me enough that she would kill the baby that is growing inside of her just to make sure I still love her. Fuck this hurts! If I try to talk to her right now I will only make this already fucked up situation even more fucked up. I rise to my feet and with my back to her I am careful with the words that come out of my mouth.
"I'm not running away and I'm not pushing you away Clary but I need a little time by myself to think about this okay."
"Okay…" Her voice is so weak I almost spin around and scoop her up off the floor. It takes everything in me to make my feet take me out of her room but somehow I manage and as soon as I get to my room I flop on my bed. I lay there and stare at the ceiling for what feels like hours and I am surprise that my eyes stay dry as I think about everything I have went through since Clary gave me her virginity. I hear a light taping at my door so I roll off of my bed to see who it is.