AUTHERS NOTE: Hello to all my lovely readers! I hope your day is going well. I just want to thank you all for your feedback on the story so far. I have had many, many great words from you and even some…well not so nice words…but I believe honesty is always best and people have a right to their own opinion. I just hope that I haven't or don't lose any of you readers because I cherish each and every one of you; and please keep your comments coming (Good and Bad) because I love them all. I have had a wonderful time writing this story and have experienced the highs and lows of it. Some of the content in the next few chapters was extremely difficult for me to write and has truly caused me pain and heartache but I had a plan for this story and decided to stick with the plan. Until next time enjoy my lovelies….with love…N…
Song List For This Chapter…
Daughtry - Life After You
OneRepublic - Secrets
Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone
Neon Trees - Animal
Nelly - Just A Dream
The Script - Breakeven
Green Day - 21 Guns
Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober
30 Seconds To Mars - From Yesterday
James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover
My Chemical Romance - Welcome To The Black Parade
Eminem - Cleanin' Out My Closet
Default - Wasting My Time
Enrique Iglesias - Hero
The nurse turns her head away from me and begins rapidly typing away on the keyboard of the computer that sits in front of her.
"Let me look up the name. Is Fairchild one word or is it hyphenated?"
"No just one word; F-A-I-R-C-H-I-L-D." My voice shakes as I spell Clary's last name for the nurse.
"Jace! Alec! Over here." Izzy's loud voice makes me turn my attention away from the nurse.
Izzy is sitting on a bed across from the nurse station; she has tiny cuts all over her face and her left arm is in a sling. Her right pant leg on her tight jeans is cut the whole way up to her knee and she has a large bandage wrapped around her calf. Alec rushes to her side and carefully hugs her.
"Izzy! What happened to you?" Alec asks.
Izzy has tears streaming down her cheeks and she makes no attempt to wipe them away or even control her loud sobs. Seeing my sister cry so publicly only makes my panic rise further; Izzy almost never cries and she would never ever cry in front of strangers.
"I-I don't really know…we were in the car and Clary was driving…it just came out of nowhere…I don't even…"
As much as I want to try to under the confusing words that my sister is mumbling through her loud sobs; the nurse behind the counter is trying to get my attention so I turn away from my siblings to see what the nurse has to tell me.
"What did you say your name was young man?"
"Oh I didn't…its Jace; Jace Wayland."
"Okay Jace I don't have a whole lot of information on Clarissa for you at the moment because she only got here a short time ago. What I can tell you is that she was in an automobile accident and that she is under the care of Dr. Stubben; it also says here that she is in O. R. number three."
"I'm sorry I don't understand what that means. What does O. R. number three mean?"
"That means she is in Operating Room number three; she is in surgery."
"Surgery! What for?" Fuck, I feel like I could pass out.
"Look sweetie I understand you are scared and confused right now but that is all the information I can give to you at this time. If you would please take a seat I can promise that as soon as I know anything more about your fiancé; I will be sure to let you know. Do you think you could handle answering a few questions for me before you go sit down Jace?"
"S-sure what do you want to know?" I am trying so hard not to cry right now.
"Do you know how far along Clarissa's pregnancy is?"
"A little over twenty-eight weeks. We're having a little girl."
"Thank you Jace and would you happen to be a relative of her passenger; Isabelle Lightwood?"
"She's my sister…well sort of…her mother and father adopted me when I was ten. They don't live here though they live in…in Switzerland." Shit I almost said Idris.
"Brother it is then. Would it be alright with you if I just put you down for her next of kin then?"
"Yeah you can if you want unless you want her real brothers name instead he's with her right now."
"Sure sweetie what's his name?"
"Alexander Lightwood."
"Thank you Jace, that's all the questions I have for you right now unless you would be able to fill out Clarissa's insurance forms."
"Oh…um…s-sure I guess I can do that."
She hands me a clip board with a shit load of forms that might as well be in a language I can't read because there is no way I can possibly focus on the endless health questions. I go back to the room where Izzy and Alec were only five minutes ago and find the room completely empty. My head feels like it's strangely unattached to my shoulders as I glance around the busy ER for any signs of my siblings. Not spotting either one of them I sink down into an ugly yellow chair in the hall to the left of the nurse's station.
I have no idea how long I have been sitting here staring at the clipboard in my hand; I only managed to write down Clary's name only to scribble it out and write Clarissa in my scrawled handwriting.
"There you are Jace."
I look up to see Alec standing in front of me; his eyes are red and it looks like he has been crying.
"Where is Izzy?"
"They took her down for another CAT scan. I guess she has a pretty bad concussion. Have you heard anything about Clary yet?"
"Just that she is in surgery."
"Shit…that's probably not good is it? You know what just forget I said that Jace; I'm sure she is just fine; the baby too."
I feel so numb right now; I feel like maybe I should be bawling like an idiot but the tears just won't come. I wish I could cry because then maybe the vice like pressure I feel in my head would go away a little bit. My voice doesn't even sound like my own when I start to talk again.
"Did you manage to find out from Izzy what exactly happened? The nurse said they were in a car accident but I don't know anything else and Izzy wasn't making any sense earlier."
"From what little bit I could understand; Izzy said an ice truck came out of nowhere and slammed into the side of the car when Clary was driving down Maddison Avenue."
"What do you mean slammed into the car? Like maybe the truck side swiped her or something?"
"No I mean slammed into the car. I guess the truck came flying out of one of the side alleyways and hit your car. I guess that would be considered T-boned right?"
"The truck hit Clary's side didn't it Alec?"
"That's what Izzy said. She is pretty hysterical right now so I might not have the right story."
"Oh god Alec! What if I lose her? I can't…I nnneee…" I can't finish my sentence because my tears finally start to pour out of my eyes like a fucking river as reality finally begins to set in. I feel my body hit the floor as I fall out of the ugly yellow chair and my sobs become uncontrollable. Alec drops to my side and just lays on the floor beside me as he holds me tight; he is crying almost as loud as I am. After a few minutes I can hear Alec trying to talk to me.
"Let's get up off the floor okay. People are starting to stare Jace."
"Fuck them! Let them fucking stare; I don't give a shit!" My shouts are broken into half a word at a time and I don't even know if Alec understood what I was saying. I let Alec drag me up off the floor and I let him guide me around the corner to a small waiting area where he helps me sit down on a small couch.
"Can I get you anything Jace? Something to drink or maybe some tissues."
"My shirt works just fine for a tissue."
"How about a bottle of water?" He coos at me; he literally coos at me like I'm some kind of fucking child and anger fills my chest when I look at his blue eyes. At least my anger helps slow my fucking tears down to a more controllable speed.
"No I don't want a fucking bottle of water Alec. I want Clary! Can you bring me her? Huh? No? Then shut the fuck up and get out of my face. Who do you think you are talking to me like I'm some kind of child? Fuck off Alec; go see if Izzy needs coddled."
I turn my face away from my brother as he huffs loudly in defeat from my verbal abuse. The fact that he just let me bitch him out and didn't have a word to say back to me makes me love him even more than I already do. He sinks down on the couch beside me and I feel him take my hand in his; I look away and pretend he's not holding my hand but I don't try to shake him off of me. The truth is I need someone to hold my hand right now. What I really want is to be able to hold my green eyed girl and run my hands over her belly and feel my unborn daughter push on my fingers as I press them into Clary's stomach. I remember the first time I really felt my baby moving inside of Clary's stomach; I nearly jump up and down with delight. Feeling my baby girl moving inside of her mother's belly is probably the most wonderful feeling in the world; I am secretly jealous that Clary gets to feel our baby move every single time. I have my hands on that belly as much as possible but all the times I have felt our daughter moving doesn't come close to the number of times Clary is lucky enough to feel her moving.
I should take the clipboard off of Alec and fill out Clary's paperwork but he seems to have it under control so I just grip his hand tighter so he will look at me so I can silently tell him thank you with my eyes; he winks one of his blue eyes at me and goes back to filling out Clary's insurance forms for me. I probably should call or text Simon but I don't want to hear his sad, panicked voice in my ear right now and I doubt I could manage to type out the right words in a text either. I just roll my head back against the wall and close my eyes and pretend I am at home in me and Clary's warm bed. I pretend that it's early in the morning and I am watching her peacefully sleep. I pretend that I am brushing one of her red curls off of her freckled cheek. I pretend to lightly stroke the soft skin that stretches over her cheek bone with the back of my hand. I am so lost in my pretend world that it takes me a moment to realize that Alec is trying to get my attention.
"Are you sleeping Jace?"
I open my eyes to look at my brother; his blue eyes are soft and full of love and concern as he looks at me.
"No just thinking."
"You didn't maybe call Simon by chance did you?"
"No I don't know what to say to him Alec."
Give me your phone and I can text him. Don't worry I will explain everything to him so you don't have to but I think he would really want to be here for you right now. He loves Clary and I'm pretty sure he loves our sister too."
I pull my phone out and hand it to Alec. I watch him as he scrolls through the letter S under my contact list and he looks at me in confusion.
"I can't find Simon's name in here Jace."
"I have him listed as Bloodsucker; check the B's."
A minute later I watch as Alec's thumbs begin to rapidly fly over the buttons of my phone to send Simon the text that I should be sending him.
Me: 217-0226 – Hey Simon this is Alec; I'm texting you from Jace's phone.
Bloodsucker: 217-9437 – Why? Is Jace okay?
Me: 217-0226 – Yeah um kind of I guess.
Bloodsucker: 217-9437 – Christ Alec even you text like you talk. What the hell is going on?
Me: 217-0226 – Try not to freak out or anything but Clary and Izzy were in a car accident. Izzy has a bad concussion and a broken collarbone but she will be okay.
Bloodsucker: 217-9437- Fuck! What about Clary?
Bloodsucker: 217-9437 – Damn it Alec! Answer me!
Me: 217-0226 – We don't really know exactly how Clary is; the only thing we do know is that she is in surgery. Maybe you should come to the hospital. I know Izzy would probably want to see you and whether he's willing to admit it or not I think Jace could really benefit from your company right now. You are the one person that loves Clary as much as he does and I think he could use some of your strength right now. Shit I just got your last text sorry for the long text.
Bloodsucker: 217-9437 – Who was driving the car? If it was Jace I am going to kill him.
Me: 217-0226 – Clary was driving. Her and Izzy were out shopping for the baby. Jace was at home with me when it happened.
Bloodsucker: 217-9437 – What hospital am I going to?
Me: 217-0226 – Lenox Hill.
Bloodsucker: 217-9437 – Be there in 5.
Me: 217-0226 – Okay see you soon Simon.
Alec hands me my phone back as he tells me that Simon is on his way and he goes back to filling out Clary's forms. A minute later he tells me he is taking the clipboard back up to the nurse's station and he returns with another clipboard in his hand; now he has to fill out all the same shit for his sister. He is quiet for the longest time when I hear him groan in frustration.
"What's wrong Alec?"
"Why do they need to know the date of her last menstrual cycle? How the fuck should I know that kind of shit?"
"What did you put down on Clary's form?" I ask out of curiosity.
"I just wrote the word pregnant down on the line."
For some fucked up reason I find this extremely funny and my laughter is loud in the small waiting room. Alec looks at me like I am crazy and my laughter quickly turns to tears when I realize that I must be losing my mind right now. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I ignore it but Alec nudges me and holds his hand out to me with an expectant look on his face.
"What?"
"Give me your phone; it might be Simon."
I pull my phone out and hand it to him. He reads the text on the screen and gets up out of his chair as he hand me my phone back.
"I'll be right back; they are giving Simon shit because he's not family."
I jump up out of my seat.
"Like hell he isn't family. You stay here Alec in case the doctor comes out and I will go get Simon."
Alec just nods his head and sits back down on the couch as I make my way towards the exit of the ER. I crack the door open to see an angry vampire staring down the asshole security guard. I am almost proud of Simon for his control; if I were a vampire there would be no way I would be able to keep my fangs hidden right now.
"Can you let my fiancés brother come back here please?" I ask the security guard.
"I thought you said you were here for your friend kid?" The guard narrows his eyes at Simon as he crosses his chubby arms over his chest.
"My sister is his friend and my fiancé is his sister; sorry for the misunderstanding." I lie to the guard.
The security guard is pissing me off right now; he seems to be taking his job a little too seriously. Just when I think I might ram him with the steel door of the ER he lets out a loud sigh and steps to the side to let Simon come through the doors. The second the swinging doors close Simon throws his arms around me and hugs me tightly; I surprise myself by holding him just as tightly. We continue to hold on to each other like fucking idiots as he whispers in my ear.
"She's going to be okay Jace; I can feel it in my heart."
"That's not very comforting coming from a vampire. Your heart doesn't beat anymore remember?" I whisper.
Simon gives me a weak smile when I pull away from him; his brown eyes dart to the smear of snot that I left on his shoulder and I quickly look down at the floor to hide my embarrassment.
"Come on lets go back to the waiting room in case the doctor is looking for me."
Simon follows quietly behind me as we make the short trip back towards the waiting room and we all sit down on the small couch together. There is another couch on the other side of the room yet the three of us feel the need to squeeze into this one like sardines in a can. I am comforted by the fact that my body is wedged between Alec and Simon. Feeling even needier; I grab onto both of their hands and squeeze them tightly. Some old man looks at the three of us holding hands like we are some kind of freaks and it takes everything in me to keep from telling him to fuck off. Alec surprises me when it's him who is the one to say something to the old man.
"Why don't you just take a fucking picture you asshole?"
The old man's eyes go wide and he quickly shuffles out of the waiting area. On a normal day I would have found Alec's uncommonly cruel words to be shocking but today is anything but normal.
"I'm looking for Alexander Lightwood." A short nurse with short grey hair announce as she looks at the three of us. Alec jumps out of his seat and follows the nurse around the corner. I look over at Simon and his brown eyes hold mine in an almost trance like state. At first I think he is using his vampire powers on me but I realize he is just trying to tell me that he is here for me and that he is just as scared as I am; I nod my head at him in understanding and go back to staring at the floor while we wait for either Alec to return or for one of the hospital staff members to give us any news on Clary.
As the minutes tick by I find myself getting more and more restless as Simon and I wait for any news. I keep pulling my phone out of my pocket to check the time; only to remember that there is a clock on the wall in front of me. The minute hand is slowly moving each time I glace at the clock but each minute feels like hours or days. The intercom system chimes and some staff member rattles off information almost every other minute as I wait. At first I try to listen to the voices on the intercom but I realize that the doctors or nurses must be speaking in some kind of medical code for the most part and most of what they are say doesn't make any sense to me. I glace over at Simon and he is as still as a statue next to me; if his eyes weren't open I would think he were sleeping. I jump up off the couch and start to pace small circles from my restlessness.
"How can you be so calm?" I practically shout at the Vampire that sits on the couch in front of me.
"I'm far from calm Jace; I just don't feel the need to fidget like you. Please sit down; your pacing is starting to make me dizzy." Simon's voice is low and calming as he speaks to me.
"Stay here; I will be right back."
"Where are you going Jace? Don't do anything stupid; you will end up getting kicked out of here."
"I'm not going to do anything stupid; there is a vending machine on the other side of the nurse's station. I am just going to get a bottle of water. Do you want anything?"
"No, I think I'm good but thanks."
I step away from Simon but before I can reach the nurses station; I realize that I only have large bills in my wallet so I turn around and walk back over to Simon.
"Do you have any change Simon? All I have is twenties."
Simon stands up and digs out two crumpled one dollar bills and hands them to me.
"Thanks; I'll pay you back."
"It's cool Jace."
I go to the vending machine and pay two fucking dollars for a fifteen cent bottle of water and go back to sit with Simon. I end up chugging half the bottle of water before replacing the cap. I want to drink the rest of the bottle but I doubt Simon has any more money and who knows how much longer we will be sitting here waiting. Maybe the doctor will never come out and talk to me. Maybe I will never see Alec again. Maybe they sent Izzy home and Alec just decided to leave me sitting here with the vampire as some kind of fucked up joke. Maybe Clary isn't even in surgery. Maybe Clary is hiding in one of the bathrooms at the mall and she paid some girl that looks just like her to go shopping with Izzy instead. I feel someone practically sitting on top of me and when I turn to my right I see Alec sitting next to me with a worried look on his face.
"Alec! What is it?" My voice strains.
"I've been trying to get your attention for almost five minute but you just stared right through me; like I wasn't even here. Are you okay Jace?"
"I was just thinking."
"Do you need anything? Something to drink maybe?"
I hold my half empty bottle of water up so he can see I don't need something to drink.
"Oh…"
"Where is Izzy?"
"She is just down the hall. Simon is in seeing her now but if you want to see her; I can tell him to come back out."
I glace at the empty spot on the couch and realize that Simon is no longer sitting next to me and then I return my eyes back to my brother as he stares at me with an expectant look on his face.
"I'm sorry; what did you just ask me Alec?"
"Do you want to go in and see Izzy?"
"I do…but I don't want to miss the doctor." I mumble.
Alec takes my hand in his and I feel like I can think a little more clearly now that he is holding onto me. Like his hand somehow keeps me grounded as my body tries to float off into space. Alec's phone buzzes in his pocket and he lets go of my hand to check his message. His thumbs fly over the buttons of his phone in an almost constant steam for a good ten minutes and the small ticking sounds his phone makes from his typing along with the vibration it makes when he gets a response begins to wear on my already fragile nerves.
"Who the fuck are you texting right now?"
Alec's thumbs stop mid-text as he looks over at my face.
"M-Magnus; he is in Albany today and he won't be back in the city until tonight so I was just giving him an update on the girls."
"That's a lot of fucking typing to tell your boyfriend that Izzy is fine and that we know absolutely shit about Clary." I snap.
"Sorry Jace, I can just put my phone away and call him later."
I look into Alec's blue eyes and I feel a pang of guilt in my chest for snapping at him for such a stupid reason. Of course he would want to talk to his boyfriend. Alec has been calm and soothing all day but looking into his dark blue eyes right now; I can see that he is anything but calm. I can see that Alec is only seconds away from falling apart but he is doing his best to stay calm for my sake.
"Fuck…Alec; I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sorry for snapping at you; go ahead and text Magnus all you want to. I am just so restless and every little thing seems to be wearing on my nerves."
"You don't have to apologize Jace; I know how worried you are right now. I'm worried too and so is Simon and so is Izzy and so is Magnus. We are all worried and we are all on the verge of exploding from all the not knowing but we need to try our best to stay calm until we know anything."
"Where is the damn doctor anyhow? My god we have been here for almost three hours and no one will tell us a damn thing."
"I'm sure they are busy taking care of Clary Jace and I am certain that they will send someone out with an update as soon as they can."
"Maybe I should go to the nurse's station and see if she knows anything; maybe they forgot we are here."
"I think you should just stay where you are Jace; I promise you that they did not forget we are here. If you get up and bother the nurses for information that they don't have then that is time you are taking from them. The nurses and the doctors are very busy people and we don't need to be distracting them with questions that they can't answer."
Before I can respond to Alec; I see Simon walk back into the waiting room and sit down on the couch with Alec and I.
"Is she still crying Simon?" Alec asks.
"No, she is sleeping. They gave her something for her concussion that made her drowsy. I always thought you weren't supposed to go to sleep when you had a concussion but I guess the doctors know better than I do."
"Do they know she's sleeping? Maybe she should be awake!"
"Calm down Alec; they know she is sleeping. The nurse that gave her the medicine told me that Izzy will most likely fall asleep and that I should let her rest. After Iz fell asleep I decide to just come back out here with you two. I don't suppose anyone has been around to tell us anything yet?"
"Nothing." I state.
"Well try to relax if you can Jace; my mom always said that 'no news is good news' in these kind of situations."
"Did she say that when your dad died of a heart attack…fuck…I'm sorry Simon…I don't know why I would even say something so shitty…damn it I am so, so fucking sorry."
"Relax Jace…it's what you do when you are scared…you talk shit and try to piss people off when you are trying to cover up your feelings."
"Yeah but you are my friend and I shouldn't do that to you Simon…who am I kidding…that's what I always do; I hurt the people I care about the most and I need to stop that. Please accept my apology."
"Apology accepted Jace."
"Thank you Simon."
"You're welcome."
"Did Izzy tell you anymore about what happened?"
"No I told her that you and Alec filled me in so she didn't have to talk about it again. Poor thing is so worried. She just kept going on and on about how it was her fault but I managed to calm her down enough to get her to stop crying and then she fell asleep."
"What do you mean she kept going on and on about it being her fault Simon? Alec did she say that to you too?"
Simon and Alec glance at each other and then they both look at me without saying anything; the look on their faces tells me that they don't want to talk to me about this. Finally Alec lets out a small sigh and takes my hand in his; my anxiety spikes when he looks into my eyes.
"Jace please try to relax. Izzy was only talking nonsense in there. The accident wasn't her fault and it wasn't Clary's fault either. That truck came out of nowhere; Clary didn't even see it coming because she was focused on the road. Izzy only meant that she felt like it was her fault because she said that if she wouldn't have forced Clary to go shopping in the first place then they wouldn't have been there to even be in an accident."
I look into Alec's blue eyes for a moment to see that he is telling me the truth and I feel my shoulders relax a little bit now that I know the truth. My stomach flips hard when I realize that the wheels in my head were turning towards dark thoughts when I thought my sister had caused the accident. I was thinking of ways to hurt Izzy for what she had done and I feel terrible for even thinking those ugly thoughts. I want to go to my sister's room and hug her tight and tell her I love her and to tell her that everything is going to be okay. Just as I get up off the couch with those very intentions I hear someone call my name.
"I'm looking for Jace Wayland." A middle aged doctor with glasses too big for his face announces to the three of us.
"I'm Jace Wayland."
"Come with me Jace; there is a more private place that we can talk."
"C-can they come too? He's my brother and Simon is Clary's brother."
"If you would like them to come along that would be fine with me."
I grip onto Alec and Simon's hands as the three of us follow the doctor down a long hall; I feel like I'm on my way to my own execution as we walk. The tone in the doctor's voice was grave and I feel what small bit of hope I was holding onto slowly begin to slip away. By the time we get to a room marked Chaplin; I think Simon and Alec are practically carrying me and they both hang onto me as I sit down in one of the long pews as we await the doctor's news. I notice a man dressed in standard church attire; I am not of any particular religion so I couldn't tell you if he were a priest or maybe a pastor or some other type of holy man. All I do know is the fact that he is in this room with us right now; the news that the doctor has to tell me can't be good news. My head has that same strange detached feeling as it did earlier and the vice like pressure in my skull is enough to make me want to scream at the top of my lungs.