Song List For This Chapter…
Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade
It's Hard To Say - The Used
Last To Know - Three Days Grace
Mad World - Gary Jules
Plastic Man - Seether
Scars(Acoustic) - Papa Roach
Someone Like You - Adele
These Four Walls - Little Mix
Moments - One Direction ((THIS SONG KILLS ME))
So Far Away - Avenged Sevenfold
Wish You Were Here - Avril Lavigne
Back To Black - Amy Winehouse
THREE DAYS LATER
I am pacing the floor of Clary's room while Simon, Alec and Izzy all sit and watch me quietly. They understand how anxious I am right now because we are all waiting for Dr. Stubben to come in and give the nurse the order to inject Clary with the medicine that will counteract with the medicine that has kept Clary in a coma for days. I should have gotten up earlier and went home to shower and change; I haven't left this room for more than ten minutes since I got back after seeing the wrecked car. Dr. Stubben and some of the nurse's tried to get me to leave but I refused. Thankfully, neither Simon nor my siblings made the same request; the three of them have barely left the hospital themselves in the past three days. Magnus has been here most of the time as well but he had an appointment that he couldn't get out of this morning; he's hoping to get back before Clary wakes up. I hear a buzzing sound and I assume it's Alec's phone; I assumed right because I watch him dig his phone out of his pocket and proceed to watch him type back a text as he smiles down at the screen. I am still pacing the floor as I speak to my brother.
"Is that Magnus?"
Alec loses the smile on his face and looks at me.
"Yes…he just…well he just wanted to say good morning and that he should be here shortly."
"Tell him to hurry his glittered ass up then; the doctor will be here any minute now."
Still pacing; I watch Alec type away on his phone; a minute later he lets out a small chuckle as he looks up at me.
"Magnus wants to know how you knew he glittered his ass this morning?"
I just smile and shake my head at Alec as I think of something smart to say back to him but before I can open my mouth to speak; the door to Clary's room opens and in walks Dr. Stubben with Nurse Adams trailing behind him. Dr. Stubben shakes my hand and nods at Simon and my sibling before he goes to check on Clary. I stand back and keep still as I watch him look her over and read the information on the screens. I nearly jump when I feel Nurse Adams touch my shoulder.
"Sorry I startled you Jace."
"No it's okay; I guess I was just too busy watching Dr. Stubben. How are you today Ashley?"
"I'm good Jace; thank you for asking. How are you doing this morning?"
"Nervous, excited, scared. Thinking I should have went home for a shower. Do I smell?"
Nurse Adams giggles as she tilts her head towards me and sniffs my shirt that I have been wearing for the past three days.
"Well you smelled better two days ago but I think you will pass. I doubt that Clary will care about your hygiene when she sees you. I think she will just be happy to look at you when she opens her eyes."
"Do you think she will?"
"Wake up you mean?"
"Yes, do you think she will wake up today?"
"I think she will but it doesn't matter what I think. How about you Dr. Stubben do you have any good news for this anxious young man?"
Dr. Stubben chuckles as he turns his attention to me and Nurse Adams.
"I sure hope she will wake up Jace; you do anymore pacing on this floor the hospital will charge you to replace the tiles that you have worn down."
"Should I administer her medication then Dr.?"
"Yes please. Try to pace yourself a little bit Jace; she might not wake up as soon as you think. She might be out for another hour or so and even when she does wake up she will be very groggy and extremely disoriented. Take things slow with her; try not to overwhelm her with questions or information when she opens her eyes."
I watch Nurse Adams dispose of the syringe in the red box by the door before she leaves the room; she turns and gives me a small smile that I return as she shuts the door. Dr. Stubben takes note of the reading on Clary's monitors before walking towards the door where he stops and turns to look at me.
"Remember Jace; just be patient and try not to expect too much from her when she wakes up. If you need anything just page the nurse's station."
"Is it okay if they are here when she wakes up?" I wave my hand in the direction of Simon, Izzy and Alec.
"I don't see why that would be a problem but maybe they could just hang back at first; like I said you don't want to overwhelm her when she first wakes up."
I nod my head as he leaves the room and turn my attention to Simon and my brother and sister.
"Well you heard the doctor; you three can stay but try to keep hidden when she wakes up. Alec text Magnus and tell him you will meet him in the hall when he gets here; that way you can fill him in on the situation before he gets here."
"Magnus is bringing you a change of clothes and a shower bag so you can get cleaned up here; we all know you won't step a foot out of this room when she wakes up. Nurse Adams was only being nice when she told you that you didn't smell but I sat beside you yesterday and let me tell you Jace; you have smelled better."
"Thank you Alec."
"Don't thank me; thank Magnus it was his idea."
"I will thank him later."
I am now sitting in the chair beside Clary's bed as I hold her hand and wait for her to open her green eyes. It's been almost an hour since the nurse gave her the injection and I am getting antsier as the minutes tick by. Alec left to meet Magnus and Izzy and Simon went to the cafeteria to get us all a cup of coffee. A small moan snaps my attention towards Clary and I see her head move slightly as her fingers twitch in my hand. I give her hand a small squeeze as I stand to kiss her cheek.
"Oh god Clary; please open your eyes for me."
She squeezes my hand as she moans softly; I watch as she blinks her swollen eyes a few times as she tries to focus her attention on me. Her sweet voice sounds like she swallowed gravel when she speaks.
"J-Jace…w-where am…oh…I was driving…the sound…was I…"
Leaning down again; I kiss her ear before I whisper to her.
"Shh…don't try to talk yet sweetheart. I know you're confused and scared but you're okay."
I pull away to see her beautiful green eyes glistening with the threat of tears as she looks at me. Her eyes dart down to her stomach and I watch as she places her hand over her middle; the sound she makes breaks my heart. It takes everything in me to keep my own tears at bay as I watch her tiny body shake as she begins to sob painfully. After a few minutes she returns her eyes to mine and I can see them full of so many questions. How do I answer her questions right now? Before she can ask me anything the door to her room opens and in walks Alec and Magnus holding hands; Simon and Izzy follow the two of them and when the four of them see Clary is awake they all freeze. I hold my hand up so they know not to come any closer and they don't. I turn my attention back to Clary and kiss her hand as I look down at her.
"I love you." I whisper.
"Where…is she? Where is our baby Jace?"
"Listen to me sweetheart. I think you should rest for a while and I don't want to get you all worked up. You have been sleeping for a long time and the doctor said you would be a little confused when you finally wake up. He said we weren't supposed to overwhelm you with too much information at first."
"Where is she? I want to know where my baby is! I'm fine; the only thing that I am confused about is why isn't my baby in my belly? So will you please tell me where she is?" Clary has that icy look in her eyes and her voice is much clearer than when she first spoke a few minutes ago. I turn to look at four pairs of eyes; they all look scared.
"Can we have a little privacy please?" I ask the four of them. Quietly they all leave the room and Simon gives me a weak smile before he closes the door behind him. When I look at Clary again her green eyes are still ice cold as she squeezes my hand tightly.
"She's gone sweetheart; there wasn't anything they could do for her. She was already gone when you got to the hospital."
"She's…dead? Our baby is dead?"
That's it; I can't control my emotions any longer. Hearing the heartbreaking words come out of Clary's mouth is my breaking point. I have managed to keep my emotions in check for the past three days but I can't control them anymore. Tears slide down my face as I watch Clary's heart break right in front of me; when her hand slips out of mine I moan at the loss of her touch and practically throw myself on her small hospital bed. Carefully I slide my body beside Clary and rest my hand onto her folded hands that she has placed over her empty belly. After a few minutes Clary's crying quiets down and her soft whisper is hard to hear over my own crying.
"Why…what did I do to deserve this Jace?"
"No baby don't say that; you didn't do anything wrong. It was just an accident; it's not anyone's fault."
"But that truck hit the car; it's that guys fault."
"I wish that were true baby but it's not. The police told me that the trucks braking system had a mechanical failure and the driver just couldn't stop the truck from hitting the car. Trust me baby if that driver had done it on purpose or was drunk or something he wouldn't be breathing right now."
"Can you stop calling me that?"
I glace up at her in confusion and her eyes are ice cold once again.
"Calling you what?"
"Baby."
"Sweetheart I always call you that."
"I don't want to hear that word right now so could you please stop calling me that Jace."
"I understand; I won't say it again."
"How long have I been sleeping?"
"Almost five days."
"So you have had five days to let our daughters death sink in and I have all of five minutes. Tell me Jace; does it hurt as bad today as it did five days ago?"
"Clary…I think you should try to get some rest."
"Answer me!" She snaps and all my muscles tense.
"Yes it hurts. I don't feel like it will ever stop hurting."
"Where did that come from?"
I follow her eyes to the small table beside her bed where the stuffed frog with the purple bow on top of its head sits. I reach over and grab the frog and hold it out to Clary.
"From the car. Simon, Alec and I went to see it a few days ago. I thought maybe you might like to have this. Simon found it and as soon as I saw it I just knew you picked it out because of the joke I made about our daughter being a frog instead of a human because of the way she jumps…jumped on your bladder all the time."
Clary takes the frog from my hand and pulls it to her cheek as new tears start to stream down her face. I sit in the chair beside her and hold her hand in mine as she cries on the stuffed animal and after a few minutes I think she has stoped crying but when I look at her I see that she has fallen asleep. As much as I hate that she has her green eyes closed again I also feel relieved that she is sleeping again. Looking into those eyes that kept changing from sad to ice cold was painful. The way she looked at me when she asked me to stop calling her baby made me feel like she stabbed me through the chest with a seraph blade. Something about the way she looked at me makes me feel emptier that I already feel; even now I feel a shudder run through my body as I watch her sleep.
Almost an hour goes by before nurse Adams quietly enters the room to check on Clary. Her pale green eyes are asking me if she has woken up yet.
"She was only awake for a few minutes; she cried herself to sleep." I whisper.
"Poor little thing; she must be so confused right now."
"She knows about the baby; I didn't want to tell her yet but she insisted that I tell her where our little girl was."
Nurse Adams pale green eyes get glassy as she places her hand on my shoulder. I am so thankful that this sweet woman has been Clary's nurse almost round the clock since she got here. Over the last three days I have grown quite fond of Ashley; she always has sweet things to say and even manages to bring a little bit of lightness to my dark days. I feel like I have formed some kind of bond with this caring nurse and seeing the tears in her eyes tells me she feel the same way.
"I can't even begin to imagine the pain the two of you must be feeling right now Jace. Please let me know if there is anything I can do or bring you."
"Thank you Ashley; I really do appreciate that very much."
"Your brother asked me to ask you if it would be alright for them to come in. Would you like me to tell them to all go home for a little while so you can be alone with Clary?"
"No that's alright. Please tell them that they can come in. I think she might sleep for a while longer and I could use my family right now."
Nurse Adams pats my shoulder and smiles softly at me before she leave the room; before the door closes in walks Magnus, Simon, Izzy and finally Alec; who shuts the door behind him. The four of them stand at Clary's door with an awkward look on their faces; they don't know what to say to me. I take my time looking at each one of them and my eyes settle back to my parabitai as I rise from the chair. Alec returns my hug with his strong arms as I shudder apart against his shoulder. I mumble into his shirt.
"She's so broken Alec. How can I fix her?"
"You're broken too Jace; you two will have to find a way to fix each other."
"You should have seen the way she looked at me; I feel like she doesn't love me anymore. Oh god Alec I can't stand the thought of her not loving me anymore. Please tell me I'm wrong; please tell me she still loves me."
"Of course she still loves you Jace. You are everything to her." Simon's words come from behind me and I let go of Alec to look at Clary's best friend; his coffee colored eyes are warm and full of love when he looks at me. All my emotions crash together at once. My words come out as a mix of sadness, anger and an almost empty loss.
"She's everything to me too Simon. We shouldn't be here right now! We should be home. We should be hanging up baby clothes in our daughter's nursery! I should be making her a snack right now…look at the clock…it's a little after two and this is about the time I make her a snack. Why? Why? I don't want to be here! I want my daughter back! I want to hear Clary giggling because our baby is moving in her belly! I want it back damn it! Why? Why can't I have it all back? Why do I feel like I have lost everything? I don't even want to be breathing right now because this fucking pain in my chest won't go away! I…I…can't…I need Clary…I love her so much."
"Stop it! Stop it right now! I want all of you to get out of my room!"
The five of us turn to see Clary looking at us with pure anger in her green eyes. I turn around and watch everyone leave the room after I tell them to just go home and maybe they can come back tomorrow when Clary has had some time to adjust to everything. I walk over and reach for her hand but she pulls away from me as her icy eyes take me in.
"You too Jace."
"What? You don't want me here Clary?"
"I just want to be alone."
"I understand sweetheart; I can just sit here and I promise to not talk to you."
"No. I want you to leave Jace. I don't want you here."
"Clary please don't do this. Please don't push me away. I'm hurting too. She was my baby too. I fucking loved her too. She was so beautiful Clary…so damn tiny in my hands but she looked like a little angel."
Clary looks at my tear streaked face in confusion.
"You saw her? You got to hold her?" She whispers.
"Yes…she was so perfect. I didn't want to leave her."
"I want to see her."
"I can ask nurse Adams if that would be alright but she won't…she will…she's not going to look the same today as she did five days ago. They have been trying to get me to make arrangements for her but I refused. I wanted you to have the chance to say goodbye to her too."
"Please ask someone to bring her to me."
After I press the call button for the nurse I sit on the edge of Clary's bed and forcefully take her hand in mine even though she tries to pull her hand away. My golden eyes are soft when I look at her.
"Please don't punish me Clary. I love you so much. I feel so broken right now and the only thing I have left to hang onto is you loving me. Please tell me you still love me."
"I love you." Her whispers sound empty and hollow but at least she said the words. I lean down and kiss her cheek as I smooth her red hair down over her shoulder. I ignore the smell of dried blood in her hair as I nuzzle my face against her skin. When her door opens I look up to see nurse Adams with a small smile on her face.
"Is there something you two need?"
"Clary wants to see our daughter."
Nurse Adams takes a short moment to see that my request was really only a polite demand before she looks at Clary.
"I can bring her to you Clary; is there anything I can get you while you wait?"
"Just my baby. Please bring her to me."
"It's going to be a little while before I can bring her to you. There are forms I will need to fill out and get a few signatures on before the mmm…before they will release her."
"You can say morgue you know. I'm not stupid! I understand you will be bringing me a cold dead baby so you can stop sugar coating it!"
"Clary please try to calm down. There is no need to speak to Ashley like that; she is only here to help."
Her dark green eyes turn to ice as she looks at me and then at the nurse before looking at me once again; she makes a strange noise and yanks her hand out of mine. Fuck! Of all the times for my jealous little red head to pop up; now is not the time. I literally fight the urge to laugh at her jealousy; how could she even think I would be in any kind of emotional position to consider looking at another woman right now? My heart is so broken from losing our daughter that all I have to keep me breathing is knowing that Clary loves me. There could be ten thousand naked women dancing around me right now and all I would see is Clary.
"Tell your little girlfriend to do her damn job then!"
I let out a soft sigh as I see Nurse Adams slip out of the room with a look of shame on her face; I will have to find her later and apologize to her for Clary's behavior. I carefully shove Clary a few inches over on her bed and lay down beside her; she tries to push my head off her chest but I only hug her closer.
"Don't strain like that Clary; you will rip your stitches open."
"I want you to leave."
"Tough shit. I'm not going anywhere. I am staying right here with you."
"I don't want you here."
"Yes you do; you are just hurting right now. My bad habit of hurting other people because you are in pain seems to have rubbed off on you but it won't work on me Clary. I love you and I am not leaving."
"I can call security; they will make you leave."
"That threat might be more believable if you weren't running your fingers through my hair right now."
"I'm sorry Jace; I just don't know how to deal with all this pain."
"Neither do I sweetheart but what I do know is that we have to be here for each other."
"How can I feel so tired if I have been sleeping for five days?"
"Your body has a lot of damage to it and sleeping helps heal it; that's why you're so tired. Go to sleep my beautiful girl; I promise I will wake you up when they bring baby girl in."
Clary doesn't respond and within seconds her fingers still in my hair. I decide to just stay right where I'm at until someone (hopefully not nurse Adams) brings in our daughter so that Clary can say goodbye to her. I concentrate on the light thumping of Clary's heartbeat as I snuggle against her chest and after almost thirty minutes go by; the door to her room opens and someone (never seen this nurse before) pushes in one of the small plastic cribs and quietly leaves before I can even thank them. Carefully I peel myself off of Clary and go over to see our daughter; she still kind of looks the same today as she did almost five days ago but her skin is kind of a greyish-blue color now and when I lift her out of the crib she is much colder too.
"Clary…she's here…do you want to hold her?"
I wait for Clary to wake up as I hold our baby in only one of my hands because she's so tiny; I use my other hand to push the button to raise Clary's bed so that she can sit up. After Clary is sitting more comfortably I hand her our daughter without saying anything and take a seat beside her on the bed. Clary looks down at the baby for a long time before she looks over at me; her eyes are full of tears.
"She has your eyebrows Jace."
"I know. Those lips and that nose came from you."
"She's perfect."
"Yes she is…she is a perfect little angel."
"We have to let her go soon don't we?"
"Yes sweetheart; the hospital has been pushing me pretty hard on making the funeral arrangements but I wanted to wait for you."
"Thank you for that Jace; I feel like if I don't get to hold her and say goodbye then I'll never get rid of this empty feeling inside of me."
Clary leans against my chest as I put my arm around her. She kisses our baby girls face as she mumbles so many things to her; she tells our little girl many of the things that I told her days ago and hearing her repeat some of the very things I said to my sweet little angel brings new tears to my eyes. Clary pulls our daughter up to her shoulder and the two of us plant soft kisses on our baby girls face as we cry. Clary clears her throat as she rest the baby on my lap; she runs her hand over our baby's tiny belly as I stoke her tiny lifeless cheek with the back of my finger.
"We should name her Jace; she deserves to have a name."
"Clary…she deserves so much more than that…she deserves to grow up and know how much we love her…she deserves to be a happy little girl that is spoiled by her daddy and loved with all the passion in the world by her mommy…she…oh god…this is so hard…this hurts so fucking much…it's not fair."
"I think she's happy wherever she is. We should be honored to have this beautiful little girl watching over us from above."
"I think she looks like a Heather. What do you think momma?"
"I think you're right. Heather Rayne Wayland; our own little angel to watch over us."
I lift Heather up to my face and kiss both of her cheeks and her tiny nose as I whisper my final goodbye to her before I hand her to Clary once more. Clary does the same as me before she whispers to our daughter.
"Goodbye Heather Rayne. Always know how much mommy and daddy love you." Clary's soft words come out broken as she says goodbye to our daughter. Her words are as broken as both of our hearts are. I press the call button so the nurse will come to the room and the two of us just look at this beautiful little angel as we wait for the nurse to come back in and take her from us. Nurse Adams cautiously enters the room and approaches the two of us. I stand up and place Heather back into her crib and nod my head at Ashley so she knows that she can take her now. After the door closes I lower myself back down on Clary's bed and hold her carefully as she falls apart against me. I grip her a little tighter; hoping that my arms can somehow keep the broken pieces of her in a neat pile so that someday I can find a way to put them back together again.
I feel someone shaking my body and when I open my eyes the room is dark and I see Nurse Headley smiling at me. Seeing her instead of Nurse Adams tells me it's after midnight; Ashley works from eight in the morning until eight at night. Either Nurse Andrews or Nurse Vander works from noon till midnight and since neither one of them are here then it is most definitely after midnight.
"I'm sorry to wake you Jace but I need to check on Clarissa's bandages. I will be quick and then you can go back to sleep."
I roll off the bed and twist my head from side to side trying to get the stiffness to go away from the awkward position I was sleeping in. I watch Nurse Headley check Clary's bandages and I peer over her shoulder to see the long cut across Clary's lower belly. That cut will heal to a scar that will never go away. When she lifts the bandage on the side of Clary's ribcage I see that this cut is small compared to the one on her stomach; this cut might not leave a scar; at least not a noticeable one. After the nurse writes a few things down on her clip board I grab her wrist gently before she can leave the room.
"Do you think it would be alright if I took a quick shower in Clary's bathroom?"
"Absolutely and if you need any more towels or if you need some toiletries be sure to let the nurses station know."
"Thank you Nurse Headley; I really do appreciate this. I just can't stand the thought of her waking up and finding me gone. At least if she wakes up she will hear the shower running and she will know I'm close by."
"You're more than welcome Jace. I need to finish my rounds now dear so I will see you later okay."
I smile at her as she leaves the room and then I grab the bag of stuff that Magnus brought from the institute for me. My first thought when I open the bag after I get in the bathroom is not exactly a pleasant one. All I can think about is Magnus in me and Clary's bedroom; I can almost see him going through my dresser to find my clothes. My horror worsens when I find my shampoo and body wash along with my razor and deodorant. Somehow seeing my personal bathroom items makes me feel violated in a way; only Clary and I see and touch these things. I shake off my uncomfortable feeling as I strip down and get into the shower. The hot water feels good on my body after not showering for three days. By the time I finish washing my hair and my body the hot water is nearly cold. I quickly shave my face and comb my wet hair after I get dressed and return to watch Clary sleep. I feel wide awake as I watch her sleep; I also feel kind of hungry witch is odd because I can't really remember the last time I felt hungry. Simon of all people has made it his personal duty to make sure I eat at least once a day; usually he brings me sweets like pie or ice cream because he knows I have sweet tooth. Right now I don't want anything sweet; right now I feel like I could eat a huge bloody steak with all the sides and still look for more. Not caring that it's almost two in the morning I pull my phone out of my pocket (Alec brought it to me) and pull my contact list up before pushing the call button.
"Jace! What's wrong?"
"I'm hungry; can you bring me food?"
I hear Simon sigh and there is a long pause as I wait for him to respond to my request.
"What are you hungry for?"
"I'd love a bloody steak but at this hour I will settle for a soggy cold-cut sandwich."
"Anything else?"
"Where are you getting me food from?"
"Probably the gas station; they have hoagies in the cooler round the clock."
"Okay then I want a sweet tea and a bag of Cheetos too please."
"You are lucky I love you Angel Boy."
"I love you too Bloodsucker."
"Be there as soon as I can Jace."
"Thank you Simon."
I shove my phone into my pocket with a smile on my face; hearing Simon call me Angel Boy after months of him only calling me Jace sounds different to me now. Hearing him call me Angel Boy and me calling him Bloodsucker is more like friendly banter now than a personal jab. Realizing that it's nearly eleven at night in Los Angeles I decide to text Em to see if she might still be awake.
ME: 217-0226 – U awake?
EM: 539-7010 – Lying in bed reading a book. How r u?
ME: 217-0226 – Still breathing…It hurts Em.
EM: 539-7010 – I'm hurting 4 u. How is Clary? Alec told me she was in a coma.
ME: 217-0226 – I'm sorry for adding more shit to your plate Em. Clary is sleeping right now but she was awake off and on today. She got to say goodbye…
EM: 539-7010 – Don't b sorry, I wish I could b there with u right now. Say goodbye?
ME: 217-0226 – You need to be there for Sandra. I know you would be sitting right beside me if you could. Say goodbye to our daughter. We named her Heather Rayne. Clary said she would be our own little Angel, she said that she would watch over us. She has my eyebrows and my long fingers. Her nose is just a miniature version of Clary's and her little lips are just like Clary's too. I wish you could have seen her Emma; she was so damn perfect.
ME: 217-0226 –Are you still there? Did you fall asleep on me?
EM: 539-7010 - Sorry Jace. I had 2 get out of the bedroom so my crying wouldn't wake up Sandy. I don't even have words 4 u right now. I'm sorry just doesn't seem 2 fit in this heartbreaking situation.
ME: 217-0226 – I'm sorry I made you cry. I didn't mean to do that. How is Sandra?
EM: 539-7010 – Sandy is not good. I don't really have anything positive 2 say about her right now; I wish I did but I don't. Is there going 2 be a funeral?
ME: 217-0226 – (Sending you a big hug) Yes but I don't have any details on the arrangements just yet. Do you think you would be able to come to the funeral? I completely understand if you can't.
EM: 539-7010 – (smelling ur shirt as you hug me) Let me know as soon as you can and maybe I can come. I guess it will depend on how Sandy is on that day. No promises.
ME: 217-0226 – I got to go now Emma. I will let you know about the funeral as soon as I can. I love you and I miss you more than you know.
EM: 539-7010 – I miss you more than you know 2. Love you.
Simon holds a bag out to me after I shove my phone back into my pocket. I use my shirt to wipe my tears off of my face before unwrapping my sandwich and taking a bite out of it. After I swallow my food I look over at Simon as he quietly sits on the cot beside me.
"Thanks for bringing me food Simon."
"It's no problem. It's kind of nice that you are actually asking me to feed you. I feel like I have been force feeding you for days."
"That's because you have been. Today is the first time I actually felt hungry."
"I'm surprised you are still here to be honest. I thought Clary wanted everyone out."
"Trust me Simon; she wanted me gone too but I refused to leave."
"Do me a favor Jace and keep doing that. I have a feeling she is going to try to push everyone away but you have to dig your heals in and stay put for her no matter what."
"My heals are dug in deep Simon; I'm not going anywhere. If I can persuade her in anyway, I will try my best to keep her from pushing you and everyone else away too. I know she's hurting…I am too…we all are I guess. She can scream at me to leave all she wants to but I won't ever leave her."
"I see you finally took a shower; you smell better."
"I smelled fine before."
"No you didn't. Trust me I can smell way better than you can Angel Boy."
"Don't throw your vampire powers in my face Bloodsucker."
Simon and I laugh softly but when we see Clary stir in her sleep we both go silent so we don't wake her up. The two of us talk softly for almost an hour before I start to yawn. Simon gets up and shoves his hands in his pockets.
"Why don't you try to get some sleep Jace. I'm going to head home. Call if you need anything and let me know if she wants to see me but don't ask her; just wait for her to say something."
I stand up and walk Simon to the door; he doesn't even hesitate to return my embrace when I pull him in for a quick hug. It's almost three thirty in the morning when I slide beside Clary and gently place my head on her chest. She makes a small noise and I feel her fingers slide into my hair; I stay quiet to see if she will wake up further but she doesn't and I fall asleep in a few minutes.