Song List For This Chapter…

Living In A Dream - Finger Eleven

Sixteen Saltines - Jack White

Wrong Side Of Heaven - Five Finger Death Punch

Lonely Day - System Of A Down

Tonight - Seether

New Horizons - Flyleaf

The Pit - Silversun Pickups

Gone Sovereign - Stone Sour

THREE DAYS LATER (THE DAY OF THE FUNERAL)

Um…I guess you were expecting to hear from Jace considering this is his story and all but he…Jace isn't in the best place right now so you will have to listen to me for a little while. I'm not good with words like he is so if you get bored by my rambling feel free to skip ahead a little bit. (This is Simon by the way)

It's been three days since my best friend woke up and she is still trying to isolate herself away from all of us. I am proud of Jace for keeping on his brave face and I am so thankful that he refuses to let Clary push him away like she has with the rest of us. I wish there was something that I could do to make them both stop hurting so much; I am hopeful that time will heal their wounds.

Alec and I got stuck shopping with Magnus for suits to wear to the funeral; thankfully Magnus kept it simple and helped us pick out simple black suits. Who the hell knows what he would have dressed us in if we were going anywhere besides a funeral for a dead baby. Alec looks so tired when I look at him; I know he can feel the pain coming from Jace and it seems to be wearing him down. He managed to get through most of the fitting at the suit shop but when the tailor was using him to measure for Jace's suit he broke down. It took me and Magnus almost twenty minute to get him to come out of the bathroom. He apologized and said he was fine until he thought about exactly why Jace would be wearing the suit that he was being tailored for. He said he managed to not think about Jace and Clary's dead daughter all day until he was wearing the suit that was meant for his parabitai.

The doctors are giving Clary a day pass out of the hospital so she can attend the funeral; one of the nurses has to go with her just in case there are any problems. Yesterday when I went to Clary's room to take Jace some food; Clary turned her head away from me and refuse to talk to me. In all honesty I feel extremely hurt that my best friend doesn't want to talk to me or even look at me but I don't dare say anything to her because of her fragile state. When I looked at Jace after Clary turned her head away from me his golden eyes were full of apology for her behavior. For some reason Jace looking at me like that made me want to go over and shake the living shit out of Clary. I almost feel bitter towards her behavior; like how dare she act that way? Would I expect this kind of behavior from Jace? Absolutely! Actually I expected Jace to turn into the asshole that he is when something hurts him. Clary is being cold and closed off and Jace is being emotional and almost sweet to everyone. I realize that the strange role reversal between the two of them only proves just how broken they both are.

Since the day Izzy got home from the hospital she has been clinging to me like her life depends on it. As much as I love that she wants to be around me; I get the feeling that after all of this pain subsides she will end up going back to the way she was before. The day after she got out of the hospital she wanted to do more than cuddle but I refused. I know Izzy likes to be distracted when something terrible is going on but Clary is my best friend and I couldn't even begin to wrap my brain around being intimate with Izzy at that moment. I figured that when I refuse to have sex with her she would push me away and find company from someone else but she said she understood and all we have done is hold each other.

I probably should just tell her I love her so she can end my suffering by telling me to fuck off but now is not the right time for that. Hell the way I feel about all of this; there may never be a right time.

When I get to the institute; I have no choice but to just wait for someone to come out; it's not like I can just walk into the place seeing how I'm a vampire and all. Today is the first day since the accident that this many people have been here. Izzy has been staying with me and Alec has been with Magnus; of course you know where Jace is. Since the accident the institute has been dark and empty. I texted Izzy when I got here but it's almost twenty minutes before she steps out onto the sidewalk. Her long black dress makes her pale skin look nearly transparent in the bright sunlight. Alec steps out right behind her and his pale skin looks just as transparent as his sisters does; I can't help but grin at him when he attempts to tame his hair. Magnus steps out behind Alec and I am shocked to see him dresses so simply. He has none of his usual attire on; no glitter; no spiked hair; no nail polish; not even one of his colorful scarfs; just a simple black suit like Alec and I are wearing. Magnus swats at Alec's hand and begins to tame down his hair for him.

"Honestly darling; if you would have just let me fix this an hour ago like I offered to; you wouldn't be dealing with this stubborn cowlick right now."

"Just leave it alone Magnus; no one will even be looking at me anyhow. Besides Jace and Clary aren't going to kick me out of their daughter's funeral just for having messy hair." Alec mutters to Magnus.

"Oh! Alec did you remember to drop off Jace's cufflinks?"

"Yes Izzy. I took them to him early this morning."

"Good I was really worried about those cufflinks last night; I don't think I slept for more than an hour."

I hold my arm out for Izzy so she can hold onto me as we walk to the limo that is parked out front. I love how she pretends that a pair of cufflinks was the reason for her sleepless night. The day of the accident was the first time I have ever seen Izzy cry; I almost thought she didn't have the ability to cry until that day. Izzy cried so much that day that no one could even understand what she was trying to say and she made no attempt to hide her tears. Since the day of the accident her eyes have been dry and she has been acting…hmm…what word should I use here? I guess you could say the Isabelle has been acting indifferent…yeah that seems like a good word to describe how she is acting.

Izzy smiles at me as I help her get the small train on her dress inside of the car. The four of us are quite on the short car ride to the cemetery. When we get there Jace and Clary are already there. Jace looks handsome (don't tell him I said that) in his black suit and he even managed to find the time to get fresh haircut for today. Clary looks tiny in a simple black dress as she sits in her wheelchair. Nurse Andrews stands at her side holding onto the pole that has Clary's medicine bag hanging from it. Nurse Andrews looks very uncomfortable to be attending this funeral; I wish the hospital would have sent Nurse Adams. Nurse Adams is very sweet and she seems to be soothing to Jace. Of course knowing that some other female might be soothing to Jace might be the very reason why Nurse Adams isn't here; Clary can be a little territorial at times.

I wish they would just let Clary go home already; Jace could speed up her healing process with a simple rune. The doctors say she will probably need to stay at the hospital for at least another few days so they can monitor her brain for anymore swelling issues; they also want to keep an eye on her lung that was collapsed in the accident. Dr. Stubben said the laceration in her spleen is healing nicely and shouldn't be a cause for concern anymore. Her four broken ribs are healing slowly but Jace said she is having a lot of pain from them; the nurses keep her pretty heavily medicated. She has three pins in her left femur because of the tremendous damage the accident cause her leg. Even though it's been eight long days since the accident; Clary's face is still hideously (please don't tell her I said that) bruised and nearly unrecognizable. I spoke to Jace early this morning and he told me that Clary had a major meltdown because the nurse's discovered that her incision where they took the baby out is extremely infected and they didn't want to let her leave the hospital at all today.

Looking at her now I can see how pale and sweaty her skin is from the nasty infection that is running through her blood. The doctor put her on a high dose of antibiotics but Jace said the medicine makes her really sick to her stomach; even now she is sitting with a small bucket on her lap just in case she gets sick. I know that she must be in pretty intense pain because of the infection; the infection seems to be preventing her usual pain meds from working like they should. I watch as Izzy make her way towards Jace and Clary; Jace hugs her for a long time and he has tears in his eyes when he pulls away from his sister. Clary turns her head when Izzy crouches down in front of her; I see Izzy shake her head and pat Clary on the knee before she makes her way back to my side where she grips my hand tightly as she bites her lip to; I assume; keep herself from crying. I watch the same painful pattern as Alec and Magnus take their turns greeting Jace and Clary; Jace is warm and inviting and Clary is cold and distant.

The four of us made an agreement to approach Jace and Clary one at a time so we wouldn't overwhelm them by swarming them all at once and now it's my turn to go up there. If I had the ability to sweat anymore; I'm sure I would be soaked with sweat because I am so nervous right now. I decide to go straight to Clary; I drop to my knees in front of her and grip her hand tightly so she can't fight me off.

"Clary, I love you and I'm here for you. Always." I get a small victory when she quickly makes eye contact with me; only to turn away from me a second later. It wasn't much but it's the most I have gotten out of her for almost a week so I will take it. I stand up and find Jace's golden eyes burning a hole into my face; His arms are already stretched out waiting for me to hug him; seeing him so needy makes me feel terrible; I have always considered Jace to be one of the strongest people I know. His grip on me is almost fierce and I do my best to return his strong embrace. I nearly jump out of his hug when he starts to whisper in my ear.

"Please stay with me Simon; I need you right now."

I step back and look at his tear filled eyes and it's enough to break my heart. I can see how alone he feels right now; even though he has kept his heels dug in deep around Clary; seeing that lonely look in his eyes tells me she has still managed to successfully shut him out. Jace grabs onto my hand as I stand beside him; he is griping my hand so tightly that it's almost painful. I glance over my shoulder to see Izzy, Alec and Magnus looking at me. I give them a slight shrug of my shoulders as though to say 'hey he won't let me go so I am stuck up here for the rest of the service'. Izzy and Magnus nod their head in understanding but Alec has a sad look in his tired blue eyes when he realizes that Jace wants me by his side instead of his own parabitai. I quickly turn my head away from those sad blue eyes; I hope Alec doesn't feel any bitterness towards me for Jace's choice in company.

I have managed to avoid looking at the coffin for the hour that I have been standing beside Jace but when the preacher announces that it's time to place flowers on the coffin before they lower it into the ground; I am forced to not just look at the coffin but to also stand inches away from the tiny white box. Jace keeps his tight grip on my hand and drags me up to the coffin so he can place a single white rose on top of his daughter's coffin. It takes most of my strength to pull him up off the ground and guide him back to his standing place beside Clary. Right now he has his face buried into my neck and I am the only thing that is keeping him from falling to the ground as I hold this broken boy in my arms. I risk a glance a Clary and find her with dry eyes as she stares at the small white box in front of her. Jace should be holding Clary right now; Jace should be soaking her dress with his tears instead of the front of my suit. I want to scream at Clary right now. I just don't know who she is right now and I am almost certain that Jace feels like she isn't his Clary anymore either.

After they lower the coffin into the ground most of the people start to leave the cemetery little by little after they offer a final condolence to Jace and Clary. I found a chair and made Jace sit in it while the crowd took their turns saying goodbye to him and Clary; Jace is still holding my hand as he sits in the chair and gives each person as small thank you and even a sad smile. Of course you already know that Clary is the Ice Queen to each person that attempts to speak to her. Finally when Magnus, Alec and Izzy make their way towards us I know everyone else is gone. Nurse Andrews bends down and tells Clary that she needs to go back to the hospital; Clary just nods her head. Alec and Magnus offer to go with the nurse to return Clary to the hospital so Jace can stay longer. I watch as they disappear with Clary and after almost ten minutes pass I realize that Izzy must not be coming back either; it's Just Jace and I. He isn't holding my hand anymore; now he is leaning forward in his chair while his hands cover his face. I kneel down in front of him and place my hands on his knees so he will know I am still here. His hands are still over his face when he begins to speak to me.

"Thank you for staying with me Simon."

"You're welcome."

"They will be here soon."

"Who?"

"The people that are going to put dirt on top of my baby girl; they will be here soon."

"We can go if you want to Jace; we don't have to stay for that."

"Where should I go then Simon? I feel so lost. I feel so alone. Clary doesn't want me around."

"Yes she does she's just being stubborn. Please don't give up on her Jace."

"Fuck! I'm trying; I mean I am really fucking trying but why does she get to be closed off and cold? I fucking need her too you know. Don't you get it Simon? Why do you think I needed you to hold my fucking hand while I watched my daughter being buried? You are the one person that Clary loves the most in this world and if she won't hold my hand then you are all I've got."

"Wow…I…shit Jace…I'm really sorry. I'm here for you; you know that. Clary just needs time maybe."

"I don't understand how she can want to be the way she is being. When I have someone to hug or to hold my hand the pain isn't so bad. I am so pathetic right now; I never needed someone to hold my hand before; but now…it seems that's the only thing that keeps me grounded. How can she not want the same thing? How can she stand that fucking ache in her chest?"

"I think the pain is all she has to hold onto right now Jace. Maybe Clary doesn't want to have that pain go away just yet. Maybe she doesn't want to be grounded; I know you need to feel grounded but at the end of the day…even you have to understand that different people handle situations differently than others do."

I sit down on the ground as I watch this sad boy fall apart in front of me. Like I said before; Jace is one of the toughest people I know and right now he is completely worthless. If a swarm of demons showed up right now the grave digger would need to dig another hole because Jace wouldn't even raise a hand to defend himself. Knowing that makes my own chest ache. I realize that Clary is in fact being stubborn and I can understand why she might want to hold onto her pain for a while but I just wish she would open her eyes and see what she is doing to Jace right now. I feel bitter for thinking about how selfish my best friend is being right now; she isn't the only one who lost her daughter. Clary has always been strong and I have always been proud of her for her strength but the one thing that I love about her the most is how sweet and compassionate she is to everyone. Clary has lost her compassion and she has lost her sweetness. Honestly the rest of us will get over Clary's coldness but the one person she shouldn't ice herself over towards is the father of her child; the child that they both lost.

I used to almost hate Jace for the way he was before him and Clary got together. He always seemed so cocky and uncaring like he thought he was fucking untouchable; like he could walk on water; and I also felt like he never gave two shits about anyone or anything. The Jace he is now is not the Jace I used to know. The Jace he is when he is with Clary is one of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I know deep down that if Clary and Jace don't find a way to get through this together then Jace will be worse than he was when I first met him. Jace without Clary will be a living nightmare that everyone including himself will loathe completely.

Jace has been lying on top of the mound of dirt that covers his daughter for hours now and the sun is starting to set. You all know that the bad things come out in the dark; I need to get him the hell out of here before the bad things come out. I lift Jace's limp body off the dirt and start to drag him away from his daughter's grave but he starts to fight his way out of my grip.

"No! I'm not ready to leave yet! I want to stay with her Simon! Please let me stay with her."

"Damn it Jace; if we don't get out of here before the sun goes down then you might be the next one in the ground."

"I don't care. I might as well be in there with her because then at least I would never have to leave her. Maybe somewhere else I could hold her in my arms again. Maybe somewhere else I can kiss her tiny cheeks and smell her sweet scent."

"Stop talking like that Jace; Christ you can be so morbid sometimes. Look I promise we can come back in the morning but can we please get the hell out of here now? Think about Clary for a minute Jace; what would it do to her if something happened to you right now?"

"Like she'd even notice I was gone." His tone is painfully flat.

"She would notice and she would hate you for leaving her."

"I feel like she already hates me so what's the difference?"

"Now you are just pissing me off Jace."

"Oooh…scary vampire is getting angry."

"You are going to see just how scary this vampire is going to get if you don't move your ass."

He stops fighting me and lets me walk him out of the cemetery towards the car that has been waiting for him for hours. The driver looks relieved when he opens the door so I can help Jace get into the car. He rests his head against the window and his words are soft.

"You promise we can come back tomorrow?"

"I promise."

"You'll come with me?"

"I couldn't think of a better thing to do with my time."

"I love you Simon."

"I promise not to tell anyone you said that."

"I don't care. Tell whoever you want; I'll tell them for you even."

"I love you too Jace. Do you want to hold my hand on the way back to the hospital?"

"Yes."

He doesn't look at me as he reaches his hand out to me; I take his hand in mine and the short ride back to the hospital is quite. When Jace goes into Clary's bathroom to take a shower I say my goodbye to him for the night and kiss Clary's cheek as she sleeps before going home. Hopefully tomorrow will be a little better for Jace.