Song List For This Chapter….
Dead On Arrival - Fall Out Boys
Black Beauty - Lana Del Rey
Eight Days - Twin Atlantic
Laid - New Medicine
Don't - Ed Sheeran
Cold Desert - Kings Of Leon ((love this song))
Till It's Gone - YelaWolf
Not Meant To Be - Theory Of A Deadman
Last Man Standing - Pop Evil
Bottled Affection - Cold War Kids
Kids On Drugs - The Xcerts
Forget It - Breaking Benjamin
EIGHT MONTHS LATER
I nearly drop the cake in my hand as I try to balance it and shove a bundle of flowers under my arm as I step off the subway. I manage to walk the three blocks from the subway to the cemetery without dropping anything and now I am setting beside Heathers grave as I stare up into the clouds.
"It's a really pretty day out today baby girl. Mommy deserves to have a pretty day on her birthday doesn't she? I didn't want you to feel left out so I brought you some flowers. Should we sing happy birthday to mommy then?"
I softly sing the birthday song to the clouds and close my eyes before my whispers come out of my mouth.
"Clarissa Fairchild, where ever you are my beautiful girl I hope you have a wonderful birthday and I pray that you are happy or at least still trying your hardest to find happiness. You are a feisty little thing and I know you will make me and baby girl proud by trying your hardest; you never were one to give up on things. I miss you…and I love you so much Clary…there will never be a day where I won't miss you or won't love you…Dr. Arlick…well I call her Alva but anyhow; she said that I am allowed to miss you and she told me that it's okay to love you for the rest of my life. So as long as I am still breathing I will miss you and love you every day. I'm still working on finding happiness but I know it will come some day; just knowing that makes me happy in a different way. I hope you have that same kind of faith inside of you Clary because you deserve to be happy."
"Thank you for singing to me Jace; you always did have such a lovely singing voice."
If I wouldn't have been setting on the ground I would have fallen over when I heard her voice as she stepped out from behind the tree. She looks breathtaking in her yellow dress; I always though yellow was the best color to compliment her red hair and green eyes and yellow always makes her creamy skin look even creamier somehow. I find my mouth completely dry and my brain doesn't seem to want to help me out with any kind of words at the moment; so I just sit there in shock as the girl that will forever own my heart makes her way towards our daughter's grave. I remain in my catatonic state as I watch her kneel to the ground as she places a single white rose on top of Heathers grave. Her green eyes are sparkling in the sun as she looks at me with one of her smiles that she only ever gives to me.
"I didn't mean to interrupt your time with Heather but since you were singing to me and talking about me then I figured it would be okay to come out of my hiding spot behind that tree over there."
"W-what are you d-doing here Clary?"
"It's my birthday Jace; and I wanted to spend some time with my daughter on my birthday. I hid behind the tree when I saw you coming."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you hide behind the tree? It's your birthday and she's your daughter too so I would never stop you from spending time with her. I usually come here at least once a week anyhow so if you want me to give you time with her I can just come back tomorrow."
"No, please don't leave Jace…crap this is not going as planned at all. I should have known you would be here today…I should have left as soon as I saw you coming…I should have stayed behind that tree."
I brush the dirt off the back of my jeans as I stand and do my best to smile at Clary before I prepare to finally say the goodbye that I deserved to say to her a little over a year ago.
"I'll go. Enjoy your time with baby girl and I hope you have a good birthday Clary."
I watch her scramble up off the ground and I have to close my eyes when electricity soars through my body from having her hand pressed against my chest.
"Wait! Please don't go Jace. Please just hear me out first okay."
I open my eyes and look into her green eyes and they are moist with the threat of tears as her small hand remains against my chest. My eyes dart up to the scar at the base of her hairline and if I didn't know where to look; I might not have even noticed it at all because it's so faint now. I am not sure what to say to her and her tear filled eyes make a lump form in my throat; I never could stand to see her cry and it takes everything in me not to wrap my arms around her so I can make her tears go away. I take a deep breath and nod my head at her so she knows that I am listening to her.
"I turned eighteen today Jace. I'm not a child anymore; I am an official adult. My ceremony is in three days and I am so happy about that; I only hope to look as focused as you did at your ceremony."
"You were at my ceremony?"
"I wouldn't have missed it for the world Jace; you looked so handsome in your ceremonial colors."
"I knew I wasn't imagining hearing your voice shout my name. I could pick your sweet voice out of a million people every time."
"I didn't mean to have you hear me; I was just so happy for you that I let my excitement get the best of me. As soon as I got done shouting I got out of there just in case you did hear me. I won't lie it makes me happy that you heard me; lets me know you didn't forget the sound of my voice."
"Clary I could never forget the sound of your voice; I could never forget anything about you."
"Your speech made me laugh you know; especially the last part when you told the girls to make their moves because tickets were selling fast."
"It was only a joke; none of them took me seriously."
"Who are you trying to kid Jace? You said the words yourself; you are a young sexy shadowhunter; of course they took you serious."
"Well nothing came from it. I ended the night dancing with my sister."
"I know, I saw."
"You were there the entire time!"
"I missed about an hour of it while I spoke to Alec but yes I was there the entire time."
"Why were you talking to Alec?"
"I wanted to tell him I was ready but then he told me about Hailey and about how you wanted to kill yourself…he told me what he did to stop you…he told me that even though I thought I was ready he knew you still need more time."
"Ready for what? More time for what?"
"Ready to be with each other again. More time to heal."
"That was eight months ago. I take it you changed your mind about wanting to be with me again."
I can't help the coldness that comes out of my voice as I take a few steps away from her; her hand drops from my chest and her green eyes go wide with realization of the pain she sees in my eyes.
"Jace Wayland I have never and will never change my mind about you. I love you with all my heart and I never stopped loving you; I was just lost for a while. When I finally found myself you were the first person I thought of. I was ready eight months ago and I am still ready today. Alec asked me to be patient and give you some more time but as each week turned into a month and each month turned into several I started to feel like you might never be ready. Two weeks ago I screamed at Alec on the phone because he was still hesitant to let me come see you. He told me to calm down and take the time to plan my return before I just showed up here. Seeing you here today has messed up all my planning."
"What planning?"
"I started off my conversations with you by telling you that today I turned eighteen remember."
"Yes."
"I waited until I was an adult to come see you because I knew it would take a bold move to win you back after being gone for twelve and a half months. I was planning on coming to see you tomorrow and I was planning on asking you to marry me. I wanted the two of us to go to Idris and get married the same day as my ceremony. I thought that if I could convince you to marry me then you would know how much I love you. Then you would know how serious I am about you and that I will never leave your side for the rest of my life."
Clary just looks at me with the saddest smile on her face and the words come spilling out of my mouth before I can stop them.
"I cheated on you."
"No you didn't Jace."
"Yes I did! It was Hailey…she was naked in my bed…I kissed her…I touched her…I started to have sex with her…I didn't finish…I couldn't because all I could think about was you…I cheated on you Clary."
"Jace you and I weren't together when that happened. Alec told me about what happened with Hailey when I talked to him the night of your ceremony. Hearing how out of your mind you were at the time was the only reason why I didn't burst into the accords hall and proclaim my love for you. I know you still needed time to heal."
"You're not angry with me then?"
"No. I love you Jace and I want to spend the rest of my life proving my love to you. I want to grow old with you. I want to have children with you and I want to hold your hand on some porch as we watch our grandchildren playing in the back yard on a hot summer night."
"Clary…I don't know what to say…I never expected to ever see you again let alone hear you say things like that to me…this is all a little overwhelming for me right now to be honest with you."
As Clary spoke her dreams of the future to me she made her way closer to me and by the time she finished she had her hands pressed against my heart as she looked up at me with her green eyes. I found myself removing her hands from my heart as I took few steps away from her when I told her how overwhelmed she made me feel. I find myself searching her face for an answer to a question that was never even asked to even know the answer to. Her bright green eyes lose some of their sparkle as she studies my face.
"I'm sorry for saying all of those things to you Jace and I am sorry for overwhelming you. I understand that you need time to process all of this. I am going to give you time; I am staying at the Hillman tonight and I will portal to Idris tomorrow afternoon. I realize that you might need more time; maybe a life time for all I know but just know that I will be ready when you are and even if it's a year from now or ten years from now you will be able to find me. I always tell Alec where I am and he will know to tell you where I am if you want to find me from now on; I'm done running. I love you and will always love you no matter what."
I watch her red hair get dimmer and dimmer as she makes her way through the cemetery; even after I can no longer see her; I continue to just stare off into the sea of headstones that seem to be endless. I drop down to my knees in front of my daughter's grave as tears fill my eyes.
"What should daddy do baby girl? Mommy says she loves me and wants to marry me so what should I do? Please help me out here baby girl; I feel lost all over again right now."
I just stare at Heathers headstone for a few minutes waiting for some kind of sign to lead me in the right direction but the sign never comes and I feel myself slipping into the darkness that I have fought so hard to claw my way out of. I start running my palms over my thighs to try to calm my ragged breathing; when my hand bumps my cellphone in my pocket I know what I need to do. I pull my phone out and type a quick text.
ME: 217-0226- Please come to Heather's grave. I need to speak with you.
After I push send; I shut my phone off and lie down on my daughter's grave as I wait. I'm not certain how much time passes but buy the way the sky looks and the location of the sun it must be getting close to five in the afternoon; if that's true then I have been laying on my daughters grave for close to two hours. I decide to make a note of where the sun is so I will know when another hour has passed and after that hour passes and I find myself still alone; I will get the answer I need and go home with my head held high.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to get here Jace. I forgot my phone and just got your text about twenty minutes ago. I came straight here."
"Thank you for coming; I was only going to wait for another hour and then I was going to go home."
"I see you brought Heather some flowers today; they are very pretty."
"I didn't want her to feel left out on her mother's birthday."
"How thoughtful of you. Is that what the cake is for?"
"Baby girl and I sang her mommy happy birthday and I ate half the cake while I waited for you to come."
"I hope she heard you singing to her; I'd like to think she could. I'm here now so what did you need to talk to me about."
"I know you told me you would never tell me who would walk into my life and bring me happiness again but I am lost right now Magnus. Clary did hear me singing happy birthday to her because she was here today. She told me she still loves me and she asked me to go to Idris and marry her three days from now. All I could think about was your dream Magnus. Hearing Clary say all those things to me and seeing that look in her green eyes makes me want her to be that person in your dream so bad it hurts. I don't know what to do because I feel so lost and confused right now. I asked baby girl to help me out but she's stubborn just like her mother and she was no help. Please Magnus, I am begging you right now, please help me."
"Let me ask you a question Jace."
"What?"
"What is your heart telling you to do right now?"
"It's telling me to go to the Hillman and kiss that girl until I'm dizzy."
"Then you don't need me to answer your question."
"Damn it Magnus! Yes I do! Don't you get it? I want it to be her so fucking bad but if it's not her…if Clary isn't the person you saw in your dream then I don't want to go after her…I don't want to have her back only to lose her all over again. I finally got to the point where it doesn't hurt to just breathe every day and I have worked so hard to get to that point so you have to understand why I need you to answer my question."
"Jace…get up off the ground and go kiss that green eyed girl until you feel dizzy."
I jump up off of Heathers grave and grab ahold of Magnus and give his slim body a hard shake.
"It's her then? Clary is the person you saw in your dream?"
"Yes Jace and you were the person I saw in her dream as well."
I pull Magnus in for a quick hug and plant a kiss on Heathers grave before I bolt out of the cemetery to go get my girl back. Thirty-five minutes later I am covered in sweat and breathing hard as I kick myself in the ass for not taking the subway back into the city. I am still trying to catch my breath when I approach the check-in desk at the Hillman.
"Can I help you young man?"
"I'm here to see…my…to see…can you please tell me what room Clarissa Fairchild is staying in?"
"That isn't the kind of information we give out to someone who just walk in off the street. We here at the Hillman take pride in our security."
"She wants to see me I promise. She told me to come here."
"I have special instructions to only allow one person to have the information as to which room she is staying in."
"Who is that one person?"
"Well I certainly can't tell you that young man. Tell me your name and I can tell you whether or not it's the same name on the screen."
"My name is Jace Wayland."
"Miss Fairchild is in room thirty-one."
"Thank you! Thank you so much!"
I push the button on the elevator over and over again until it finally opens up and after I press the number three button; the elevator is so slow that I am kicking myself for not taking the stairs. I end up slamming into the cleaning ladies cart when I bolt out of the elevator. I quickly apologize to her and slow my eager legs down to a fast paced walk instead of a full on sprint as I make my way down the long hall. I keep my eyes focused on the left side of the hallway where the odd numbered rooms are located.
Thirty-nine…
thirty-seven…
thirty-five…
thirty-three…
THIRTY-FUCKING-HALLELUJAH-ONE!
I take a minute to run my fingers through my messy hair and control my rapid breathing before I reach my hand up and gently knock three times on the door and wait for it to open. I grab the collar of my t-shirt and use the material to wipe the sweat off my face quickly and swallow the gum(hopefully it's a decent substitute for not having a toothbrush) that's in my mouth. Dear god I think my heart is going to burst out of my chest because it's beating so fast; that or it will end up stopping all together for waiting for her to open this damn door. I fight the urge to not only knock again but to kick the stupid door down because I feel like the few second I have been waiting for her to answer has been days or even weeks of time. I realize now that I have been waiting for an entire year for her to open this door; longer even because she locked me out of her heart the day she woke up from that coma so long ago.
I hear the safety chain on the other side of the door jingle and my stomach flips violently as I see the door swing open. Clary's red hair is wrapped in a towel on top of her head and she is wearing a fluffy bathrobe that looks like its big enough to fit my tall frame; she looks so tiny as she holds a platter with a silver dome on top of it and her eyes are focused on it instead of the person standing at her door.
"You can shove your steak sauce up your ass now! This steak is ice cold and I won't be eating it so just…"
She doesn't finish her sentence and the metal dome crashes to the floor but I manage to steady the platter in her hand so it doesn't spill all over the floor. The two of us just stand there with our hands on the tray of food as her door swings shut because I kicked it shut with my foot. I blink twice and shove the platter of food out of our hands to see it drop to the floor as food flies across the carpet. In a split second I have the towel off her head and my fingers slide into her wet curls as my mouth crashes into hers. Clary's lips move in perfect unison with mine and her tiny hands pull hard at my sweaty hair as I slide my tongue into her mouth; we both groan at the feel of our kiss. I feel her body hop up into the air and I grab her hips in time to help her slide her legs around my hips as I begin to blindly make my way towards the bed on the other side of the room.
Clary has her feet locked behind my thighs as her kisses grows hungrier; her strong mouth movements tells me she has waited an eternity for this moment and my lips tell her I have waited just as long as she has. When my knees finally bump up against the mattress of her bed; the two of us make a breathless noise as her back falls on the bed and I press my body against hers. I break our kiss and lift my body up slightly as she assaults my neck with her mouth and I pull the knot to her bathrobe open so I can see her naked body for the first time in a year. My breath catches in my throat at the site of her. Her body looks the same but completely different at the same time. She has strong muscles in her abdomen and the flare of her hip bone is curvier than I remember it; what I thought was the perfect size breasts for her small body are now almost a full cup size larger than they were a year ago. I remember how slim her creamy thighs were but now they are round with muscles as they clamp tightly around my body. When she scrambles her arms out of the sleeves of her bathrobe I can see the hard muscles move under her creamy skin as she attempts to pull my t-shirt off my body.
I grab both of her hands in one of mine as I raise her arms above her head to slow her down a little bit. She stops biting my neck and her green eyes are full of passion when she looks at me.
"What's wrong Jace?"
"Nothing's wrong; I just want to look at you for a minute Clary. You have always been so damn beautiful to me but seeing you like this…dear god Clary…do you have any idea how amazingly sexy you are?"
"All those long hours spent in the training room have paid off."
"I can see that but it's more than just hours spent in the training room. Clary you're…well you're a woman now."
"As much as I appreciate all the compliments you are giving me I want to know when I get to see you. When do I get to see the body of the man I love after not seeing it for a year?"
I let out a small chuckle as I let her hands go and pull my t-shirt off my head.
"You are always in such a hurry to get me naked aren't you Clarissa."
"I can't resist your gorgeous body. Seeing in right now makes me…what's that?"
"What's what Clary?"
Her tiny fingers grab ahold of the chain that is wrapped around my neck as her green eyes take in the two items that hang from it. I curl my fingers around her hand and close my eyes for a moment.
"It's your engagement ring and the other thing is a set of tiny feet that I had Heathers initials engraved on the back of. I never take this necklace off; I want both of my girls with me at all times."
"Jace…I love you so much." Tears well up in her green eyes.
"I love you Clary…please don't cry…I don't want you to be sad…I want to see you smile my beautiful girl…" I whisper these words to her as I kiss the tears off her cheek. Saying those words out loud takes me all the way back to the first time I ever made love to Clary; it might have been almost two years ago when Clary gave me her virginity but I remember that special moment just like it was yesterday.
"I'm not sad…I'm happy. I am so happy right now Jace."
When my lips brush across her mouth a few times before settling in for a long kiss; her hands slide over my skin with a slow seductive speed. Our frantic kissing that we started when I first got here is gone now and the desire to savor each other's touches makes us both take our time; after all we have the rest of our lives for wild sex and quickies as I have her bent over a dresser when we are in a hurry. Right now there isn't anything else in the world that needs our attention more than the two of us making love all through the night to try to make up for missing each other for the last year.
I kiss every inch of her body slowly as her hands explore my naked body; I pause my kisses to whisper sweet things to her or to tell her how much I love her or to tell her how much I missed her. When my lips reach the long pink scar that sits just above her pelvis; I take the time to kiss it from one side all the way to the other side. When I finally slide my length into her center we both sigh loudly and hold each other tightly as we keep our bodies locked together without either one of us making a move.
"Home…" I whisper into her ear.
"Home…" She whispers back just as softly as I begin to rock into her.
My rocking is slow and sweet as I watch her beautiful face change as I bring her closer and closer to her breaking point.
"You are so beautiful Clary."
"Please Jace…please." She pants.
"Slow baby…slow…I want to watch you…I have missed those green eyes of yours and I don't want to miss a single moment of this."
After we make love for the third time I collapse onto the mattress as I try to catch my breath. Clary rests her sweaty head against my chest as she tries to regain control over her own breathing. After ten minutes we are both breathing normal and I am running my finger through her red hair as I stare at the ceiling of her hotel room. I feel my eyelids grow heavy but my mouth is so dry that I feel the need to untangle myself from Clary so I can get up and get some much needed water to quench my thirst. I pat my hand on her lower back to get her attention.
"Let me up Clary."
She sits up and when she turns to look at me she has a strange look in her eyes.
"Are you leaving?"
"No…I am just getting a drink of water. Would you like me to bring you some too?"
"Yes please."
After I get two bottles of water out of the mini-fridge in her room her question hits me hard. She thinks I am going to leave her. I sit on the bed and wait for her to take a drink of her water as I take a drink of my own and once she returns the cap to her bottle I see that strange look in her eyes again. I slide closer to her and take her hand in mine.
"Relax Clary; I'm not going to leave you. I would never leave you sweetheart; I love you too much to do something like that."
"That only makes me feel worse when you say it like that."
"What do you mean?"
"Like me leaving you meant I didn't love you enough or something."
I grab her by her waist and pull her onto my lap before I cup her face in my hands.
"Listen to me Clary…you leaving me only proves how much you really do love me…I know when you left you couldn't feel anything let alone love but you were so much smarter about everything than I was…you knew the only chance you could ever have at finding your love for me again was to leave…you knew that if you stayed and the two of us continued to live the way we were then who we are as individuals and who we are together would be destroyed somehow…it took me a long time to figure all that out but when I did…Oh my sweet Clary…when I did finally figure out why you left; that was the first day in a long time that I truly felt any kind of happiness."
"Does this mean that my plan to try to win you back didn't fail as bad as I thought it did?"
"You never lost me to begin with Clary so how could you win me back? Do you have any idea how many times I have dreamed about you coming home to me?"
"Then why did you leave me hanging at the cemetery earlier? If I never lost you then why did you let me walk away from you again when I finally did come back to you?"
"I wanted to kiss you so bad at our daughter's grave site today and it took everything in my power not to. The reason why I didn't kiss you; the reason why I let you walk away was because I needed to make sure the way I was feeling was the right thing. Eight months ago Magnus told me that he knew for certain that I would find a way to be happy again one day. I asked him how he knew that and he told me it was because he had one of his dreams that aren't really a dream. He told me that one day someone will come into my life and that person will make me feel happiness again. I asked him who that person was but he refused to tell me. A couple of days later I asked him if he had one of his dreams about you too; he said yes. He told me that he dreamed that you too would find happiness again when a special person came into your life. I didn't ask him who that person was that would make you happy because at the time I was just content to know that one day you would find your happiness again. When you left the cemetery; I asked baby girl to help me out; I asked her to give me some kind of sign on what I should do because my heart was telling me…no not telling me…my heart was screaming at me to run after you and kiss you until I felt dizzy."
"What kind of sign did our daughter give you that made you come here then?"
"She didn't actually; baby girl is apparently just as stubborn as her mother is; she was completely unhelpful to my dilemma. I started to freak out a little bit and I was running my hands over my legs to try to calm my breathing; I was so scared of slipping back into the darkness Clary…when my hand brushed up against my phone…I knew only one person in this world would be able to end my suffering…three hours after I text him; Magnus finally showed up at Heathers grave just when I was about to give up all hope and go the hell home."
"What did Magnus say to you?"
"After I told him you were here and after I told him what my heart was telling me to do; I begged him to tell me if you were that special person he saw in his dream…he said you were Clary and he said that I was that special person that he saw in the dream he had about you. I wanted to be sure because I worked so hard to get to where I am today and I knew that happiness was just around the corner…I didn't want all my hard work and all my patience to go to waste if you weren't the person in Magnus's dream…I didn't want to go after you if it only meant you were going to leave me again."
"I could promise you until I'm blue in the face that I will never leave you again but I promised you that once before and ended up breaking my promise to you."
"You don't need to make that promise to me Clary because I already know you will never leave me again. I have faith that Magnus's dream was not just a dream but a true premonition of our future. The way you looked at me at the cemetery today when you told me you wanted to grow old with me and hold my hand as we watched our grandchildren play in the backyard also tells me you will never leave me again. I could see the same thing you saw…I could see our wrinkled skin and our grey hair as we watched all those grandkids running and laughing. I'm sorry I made you wait for three hours before I came here but I just had to be completely sure that you and I were the people Magnus saw in each other's lives."
"Do you accept my proposal then?"
"You really want to get married in three days? Don't you want a big wedding?"
"You are asking the girl that owns two pairs of shoes and hates to shop if she wants a big wedding?"
"Well this is true…but I though a big wedding was every girls dream."
"You're my dream Jace…I don't need a big fancy wedding to have my dream come true. You are all I want and you are all I am ever going to want."
"You are all I am ever going to want too Clary but I don't want you to be my dream. I want you to be my reality…you are my life…and we can't live our lives if we spend all of our time dreaming. So I think it's time the two of us woke up and started living."
"Are you tired Jace?"
"I can see that look in your eye…aren't you sore?"
"Maybe a little but I want to make love again."
"You do know that we have the rest of our lives to make love don't you?"
"Yes and we should start right now."
"Christ Clary…you will be the death of me some day."
She giggles as I lay back on the bed and she lets out a loud yelp when I gently slap her naked butt with the palm of my hand.
"Wow…you actually liked that didn't you Clary."
"How red are my cheeks right now?"
"Turn around and I'll tell you."
She swats my chest playfully with her hand and she rolls her eyes at me.
"I meant my face you pervert."
"Your cheeks are the perfect shade of pink and I have been waiting a year to see you roll those green eyes of yours at me."
"You look tired Jace."
"I am tired; you wear me out woman. I've made love to you three times over that last four hours and I'm whooped."
"Good thing for you all my extra training gives me plenty of energy. I will make love to you and you can just watch me."
"Good thing for you that I like to watch you."
"Baby."
"What? Did you just call me baby Clary?"
"No I want you to call me baby; I miss you saying that to me."
I lift my head off the mattress and consume her full lips with my mouth for a deep kiss. I break our kiss when I feel her hand moving between our bodies. She sits up and I see her pleasuring herself with her tiny fingers and blood pools to my lower body at a rapid pace. I run my hands over her body as she begins to roll her hips while she continues to stroke herself and my eyes drink in every beautiful second of it.
"Fuck your sexy Clary…I could watch you do that all day."
"I want you inside of me Jace." Her words come out in almost a growl and hearing her say those words like that makes my whole body shudder with electricity. I grab her hips and lift her up so she can line her center up with my shaft and after she lowers herself completely over my shaft the noise she makes is almost enough to push me over the edge completely.
"Make love to me baby…make love to me until you can't say anything but my name anymore." I coo as she begins to roll her hips deliciously against mine.
It's almost four in the morning by the time we get out of the shower and crawl into bed to get some much needed sleep. I pull her to my side and kiss the top of her head before whispering to her.
"I feel like I could sleep for a week."
"You can't sleep for a week Jace; you will miss my ceremony and you will miss our wedding."
"We are seriously getting married in three days…actually its two days now?"
"I'll be the hot red head with the ugly gold dress on."
"You will make a beautiful bride Clary. I can't wait to see you in a beautiful gold dress as we both get our unity runes."
"You can always wear the dress and I can wear the suit."
"Nice try Clary; do you have any idea how many men I would have to fight off if I wore a dress. It's hard enough being this sexy to woman but if I have to worry about a pack of wild men chasing me too then I better start spending some extra time in the training room."
The two of us giggle softly but after a moment Clary is laughing so hard that she ends up gasping for air.
"Oh…oh Jace…I have missed you so much…you don't know how happy I am to know that you haven't lost your cocky sense of humor."
"I was born this way; I can't help it."
"Stop making me laugh; it hurts when I laugh."
"That's your problem not mine Clary. I wanted to stop after the third time. You are the one that added another two times to our love making count for the evening; so it's your own damn fault that you are sore."
"I know and it's worth it…in fact…" Her hand starts to slide down my waist but I grab her hand before it can travel any lower.
"Have mercy on me Clary…I don't have anything left in me…I am as dry as a dessert right now…how can you even move right now…my whole body feels like one big bowl of jelly."
"I know what you mean; I might not be able to walk tomorrow…my poor legs ache so much right now."
"I'll carry you if you can't walk tomorrow."
"I just might hold you to that Jace."
"Get some sleep my beautiful girl."
"I love you Jace."
"I love you Baby."
I couldn't tell you if Clary said goodnight or if the room was on fire after I told her I loved her because as soon as l closed my eyes I was fast asleep. I wake up the next day and every muscle in my body protest as I get out of bed and make my way towards the bathroom to empty my bladder. I find Clary at the sink brushing her teeth. She shamelessly watches me use the toilet and she giggles when I wink at her. I flush the toilet and go over and wrap my arms around her muscular yet still impossibly tiny waist before planting a few kisses on her neck.
"Did you sleep good baby?"
"Best sleep I've had in over a year actually."
"Me too. Does your body ache as bad as mine does right now?"
"Um…I'm a little sore…you know…down there but other than that I feel pretty good."
I chuckle around the toothbrush as I watch her pull her long red hair up into a knot on the top of her head. When she leans over the sink to watch herself apply lip gloss to her mouth I end up laughing loudly. Her green eyes catch my reflection in the mirror and she has a small grin on her face.
"Is something funny Jace."
"Just remembering something you once told me."
"Oh…what's that?"
"I was just remembering the time you said you wanted me to bend you over the dresser so I could watch you in the mirror."
Clary stands up and I can't see if she is smiling or not as she tosses a wet wash cloth on to the bathroom floor. When she turns around her eyes are glassy; I step forward and wrap my arms around her just as she buries her face into my chest.
"What's wrong baby?"
"That's the same day we lost our daughter."
"Oh…oh Clary, I am so sorry if I upset you."
"It's okay…my therapist said it's good to remember and she said it's healthy to cry sometimes."
"You have a therapist too?"
"Not anymore. I haven't seen Dr. Benton for almost six months."
"Why did you stop seeing her?"
"I didn't need to see her anymore. She got me to talk about everything that I needed to and she helped me learn how to deal with my pain and loss."
"Alva has helped me through a lot of things too but I think Alec had the biggest effect on my mental state."
"Alec is amazing; he was always there for me when I needed to talk to him. He should be a therapist; he's good at listening and he seems to know the right things to say to people."
"I completely agree with you. I spent a lot of years shutting him out but now that I'm older I have learned to appreciate how amazing my parabitai really is. What he did for you and I will have me forever grateful to him."
"Do you know Alec loves me more than he loves you."
"Of course he does; you are much prettier than I am Clary."
"No, I am being completely serious; ask him yourself if you don't believe me."
"Don't worry I will. What time do you have to leave?"
"Idris is expecting me to portal at noon today."
"Shit…that's only twenty minutes from now. I thought I had more time; I was planning on taking you for breakfast before you left."
"Remind me again why you aren't coming with me Jace?"
"You see there is this tiny red head that insist I marry her in two days and now I have a shit load of stuff to do in a very short amount of time."
"She sounds hideous. You should blow her off and run away with me instead."
"I will get the boys and my sister to help me and I will be in Idris by dinner time tomorrow I promise."
"Are you staying at the Lightwoods then?"
"Well yeah…aren't you staying there too?"
"I can if you want me to but all my stuff is in my room and it might be easier if you just stay with me instead."
"Where is that?"
"At the Academy, of course. Where else would I stay in Idris?"
"You were in the home country this entire time?"
"Yes."
"Wow."
"You sound very surprised to hear this. Where did you think I was?"
"I mean, I guess I thought…maybe you were on the beach somewhere or in Paris eating fancy food and painting all day."
"Nope…I have been at the Academy."
"Well shit…I guess I better be careful around you now."
"Why?"
"You have spent the last year being trained by the best of the best. Maybe you will have some new things to teach me."
"You know what's funny about that…I thought that I would learn all this new stuff at the Academy but there wasn't anything that they could teach me that I didn't already know. As a matter of fact I was able to teach them a few things after I was there for six months. I could have taught them those things right away but I didn't because I didn't want to draw any attention to myself; I just tried to blend in with the group without being singled out. Once I got more comfortable with the group and had a grasp on my mental state and my emotions; I started interacting with the instructors and then I finally showed them my moves. My instructors were very pleased with my skills; they told me that for someone that spent the first sixteen years as a mundane I have excelled in my training. They asked me who was my main instructor here in New York and I explained to them that the Lightwood's were a big part of my training but I owe all my major learned skills to Jace Wayland."
"Wow…Clary…I don't really know what to say…it's an honor to know that out of all your instructors and all the training you have had that I was the one who has taught you the most."
"I don't know why you are so surprised Jace; you are in my opinion the best shadowhunter your age. I may have been living in Idris for the past year but I was able to visit several other institutes; I went to London, Peru, Russia, and Japan. I was very impressed by the master instructors at all the institutes but not a single one of them showed me anything that you haven't already showed me."
"Well…you are wrong about one thing Clary."
"Oh, what's that?"
"I am a good shadowhunter but I have spent my entire life training. You on the other hand have only had maybe two years total training and you are just as good as I am…I take that back; you are so much better than I am. In my opinion, you are the greatest shadowhunter I know."
"No I'm not. You are just being silly."
"Hear me out on this Clary; the reason why you are so much better than I am is because you always take the time to think things through. Even though you take the time to think before you act; you still manage to act almost immediately. I am guilty of acting first and thinking later; I might be a good shadowhunter but I am also dangerous. Why do you think Alec is my parabitai? Alec is the cautious one and I am the reckless one; we balance each other out."
"You are definitely reckless; that's for sure." She chuckles.
"Can I ask you something Clary?"
"Yes."
"Why did you wait so long to show your instructors how amazing you are? I know you can be shy but six months?"
"You were the reason why I waited so long."
"Me? Why?"
"Because, I knew once I showed them the things you taught me then I knew they would want to know who taught me. For the first four months I was gone I kept your name not just out of my mouth but out of my mind completely. Saying or thinking your name would have been just too painful for me; the name Jace Wayland had so many memories and feeling behind it and I just wasn't ready to deal with all of that for a while. I realize how stupid that sounds but keeping your name out of my mind seemed to help me get through a lot."
I just stand there staring at her for a short moment as what she said sinks in.
"It's not stupid." I whisper.
"It isn't?"
"I did the same exact thing. I kept your name out of my head for months too. Everyone around me knew that I didn't want your name spoken either and they were careful about what they said to me."
"Did it help you?"
I take a short minute to really think about how to answer her question as the two of us make our way towards the institute. I decide to just be honest with her.
"Not really; keeping your name out of my head didn't keep you out but it was nice pretending it would."
Clary stops walking and cast her eyes to the ground for a moment and when she looks at me again they are moist with the threat of tears. I hold her face between my hands and search her eyes to try to figure out why my words upset her.
"Jace…" She croaks.
"What is it baby? What's wrong?"
"Do you think Simon will ever forgive me?"
"Simon love you Clary; he will be so happy to see you."
"You don't have to do that Jace."
"Do what?"
"Shelter me; I understand why Simon would be upset with me so it's okay to tell me."
"He was heartbroken when you left without saying goodbye to him but he bounced back right away."
"What do you mean he bounced back?"
"Simon figured out why you needed to leave by the end of the first week. He understood that you needed to find yourself again and he was happy just knowing you were out there somewhere trying your hardest. Everyone had the same thoughts; everyone understood what you needed to do; everyone except me. It took me a really, really long time to come to terms with your absence but once I finally understood it; I think that's when I really started to breathe again."
Clary smiles weakly as she wipes a tear off her cheek and then she lets out the smallest chuckle.
"It's it crazy of me to have so much anxiety about going to Idris right now Jace?"
"Don't worry Clary, you are going to do just fine at your ceremony."
"It's not the ceremony that has me anxious; it's the thought of leaving you. I just got you back and I'm not ready to say goodbye."
"So don't say goodbye; don't think of it as you leaving me. I will see you in a day and a half. Once I get to Idris I will get to watch you complete your ceremony and then you are going to make me the happiest man alive when I hear those unity vows from your sweet lips."
Clary rises up on her tippy toes and I lower my cheek so she can kiss me; I grab her waist and capture her lips before she can get away. I kiss her long enough that she is breathless when I set her back down on her feet.
"I can't wait to hear those vows come out of your sweet mouth either Jace. I wish we could fast forward to that moment right now."
"You will feel the burn of our unity runes on your skin before you know it baby. I will see you soon okay."
"I love you."
"I love you baby."
She smiles sweetly before she steps into the portal and disappears. There isn't an ounce of worry inside of me watching her step into that portal because in fifty-two hours I know she will be standing next to me at the accords hall and becoming Mrs. Jace Wayland.
The next two and a half days go by in a blur; all of my free time as well as Alec and Magnus, Izzy and even Simon's; have been spent throwing together a wedding. Everyone chipped in and I think Clary will be happy with everything; of course she will. Clary doesn't care about all the flowers and decorations; all she cares about is becoming my wife.
Clary made it through her Ceremony without panicking or falling asleep from boredom and even managed to smile almost the entire time. Every time she glanced at me she would smile wider and each time I saw that I was the reason for that girl being happy made my heart swell with love.
Izzy, Magnus and Emma are down the hall with Clary; they are helping her get ready for our wedding. I am already dressed and am watching Alec tie Simons tie and I have to fight the urge to laugh at the two of them. A small chuckle ends up escaping my mouth and the two of them turn to look at me.
"What's so funny over there Jace?" Alec glares.
"You two…you guys are so damn cute."
"Not too bad yourself Angel boy."
"Stop flirting with me bloodsucker; I am going to be a married man soon and my wife won't like it."
Simon rolls his eyes and laughs as he adjusts his tie in the mirror. I had to pull some major strings to get the clave to allow Simon to come to Idris but they ended up allowing it. Alec stands beside him and adjusts his own tie and runs his fingers through his dark hair before giving up on fixing it. Alec's eyes go wide and he slaps his hand across his mouth.
"Don't worry about your hair Alec; it would be weird if your hair wasn't messy." I chuckle.
"No, it's not my hair. I forgot to give Magnus his flower for his lapel. I will run it down to him real quick."
"Um…actually would it be alright if Simon takes it to him? I would really like to speak with you for a minute in private before all this goes down."
I watch Alec hand Simon the small cluster of flowers and Simon gives me a wink before closing the door.
"What's wrong Jace? Are you getting cold feet?"
"No worries brother; my feet are toasty warm. I just wanted to ask you something."
"Oh…okay…what is it?"
"Clary claims that you love her more than you do me; is that true?"
"It is true actually."
"Can I ask why?" I am almost applauded by his confession.
"It might sound strange considering all the pain you have been through but that day that Clary came to me and told me she was leaving was the day I truly fell in love with her. She made me understand that her staying would only ruin you. I know how much Clary wanted to stay with you and fight to get back the love that she felt like she lost. I know how much strength it took for her to hold up her chin and walk away that day. I knew that with time you would find a way to understand and heal and I knew how much that girl really does love you even if she couldn't feel it anymore. I knew that if Clary could find herself again she would come back to you and she did. You two are going to be great from here on out. The two of you have grown so much over this past year that it is amazing to see. I love Clary more than I love you because without her there is no you Jace."
"Wow…I don't really know what to say other than I love you and thank you for everything Alec. If you would have told me where she was all this time I would have hunted her down and fucked up what little progress the two of us have made. We really have grown so much over the past year and I know in my heart that nothing will ever come between the two of us ever again and we have you to thank for that."
"You don't have to thank me; I just want the two of you to be happy."
"We are."
"Good! Now let's go get you married!"
I am surprised that Clary and I got through our wedding without crying like idiots but I think neither one of us cried because of how sure we both are about having a solid future together. The reception was a blast! Everyone had too much to drink and danced so badly that it will give us something to laugh about for years to come. As the night wound down and Clary and I were dancing to the slow music; Simon finally made his move and cut in on our dance so that he could get some one on one time with his best friend. I told the DJ to keep playing slow music so that Simon and Clary could say what they needed to say. I was surprised that it only took them two songs before they were both laughing. Clary told me that even though Simon was hurt by her leaving he understood why she left. She said that her and Simon would be just fine and I believe that she is right. The close bond between Simon and Clary will never be broken no matter how much time and distance is put between them.
The morning after our wedding Clary went to breakfast with Izzy and Emma; Alec, Magnus and Simon are at the accords hall cleaning up the mess from last night. I decide to spend my morning walking around the town square of Idris to enjoy the nice weather before Clary and I leave for Paris this evening to start our honeymoon. We are planning on spending the next two weeks doing anything and everything we want or nothing at all even; we just want to be alone and enjoy being married.
As I walk up to the fountain in the center of town I glance around and see several woman ducking in and out of the shops. The sound of laughing draws my attention towards a group of children running through the streets and I am hit with a wave of Deja vu at the sight and sounds around me. When I spot a young couple exchanging kisses and sweet words a huge smile spreads across my face as I wait for the next part of the dream that I had so long ago to happen. I continue to look into the cool water of the fountain for a few minutes; the whisper of my name pulls my attention from the water but I wait to turn around. When I feel a warm hand pressed against my back; electricity sparks through my entire body and my heart begins to pound in my chest. I turn around to see the most beautiful girl in the world. Clary's dark blue dress is snug and it shows off her curvy hips and her fuller chest. Her creamy skin is radiant as it stretches over the muscles of her strong legs.
Her full lips curve up into the sweet smile that she only ever gives to me and her small hand feels warm against my cheek. Her touch is always so magnetic; my lips kiss the inside of her palm as she smiles up at me with her emerald green eyes. I already know what she is going to say before her mouth even forms the words; she is going to say the words the melt me into a puddle of goo every time she says them.
"I love you Jace Wayland."
…THE END…..