This is my longest chapter yet. Things will be moving forward from here. It will get happier!
Disclaimer: If I owned them, Tiva would not just be a fantasy.
After Tony had left the bathroom, Ziva let herself take in her surroundings. She had just stood in the shower with an attractive man for the better part of an hour and he did not try anything with her. It left her confused, thankful and slightly breathless. The fact that most men would have at least tried something was the cause for confusion. That Tony had not tried anything even though she was in his arms, in his shower, made her very thankful because she did not think that she would have been able to respond.
But most of all: she was left breathless by his glorious body that seemed to surround her everywhere. She felt safe and if she had to admit it, slightly aroused. He was a very handsome man after all.
Shaking her head of these thoughts, she finally started to dry herself, taking off her wet clothes, wringing them from most of the water and proceeded to hang them over the shower walls to dry. Faced with the dilemma of not having anything to wear, she vaguely remembered Tony saying something about fetching clothes. Looking around, she spotted a t-shirt twice her size folded on the vanity. She picked it up and was almost overcome with the distinct smell of him coming from the cotton.
She slipped it over her head and was very grateful that it fell to almost below her knees, as her underwear was still soaked. It was not ideal, but it was the best she was going to be dressed at the moment, so she tried not to dwell on it too much. She could not face going back to her empty hotel room alone. She hated to admit it, but she needed Tony tonight. Again she asked herself why that was, but decided to answer that question another time.
Finally she had the courage to exit the bathroom and walk down the hall to his bedroom while still rubbing her hair dry with the towel. Entering the room, she took in the large, comfortable-looking bed in the middle of the room. She wanted nothing more than to fall upon it in a blissful sleep, but she spotted Tony standing frozen in front of his closet, looking at her.
He was wrong. He thought seeing her in his shower was beautiful, but her standing there in his shirt while drying her hair… She was exquisite. He had to will himself not to let that sight go straight to his pants, or boxers, rather. He was dressed for bed, and the thin cotton would not help him conceal a tent very well. Normally he would wear only his boxers and forgo a shirt, but he couldn't risk her seeing his tattoo yet, so he had to get one from his closet. Yet he was standing with it in his hands, still bare-chested. Luckily for him, his right side was turned away from her, so she would not be able to spot the black ink as he broke their stare and quickly slipped it over his head.
Meanwhile, Ziva had been enjoying the view. Very much so. From earlier, she knew how his chest felt under her hands, but seeing it too was enough to made her a little weak. She felt her earlier arousal return and was sure her appearance was having an affect on him too, though he hid it very well. She was rather impressed, but disappointment came soon as she saw him hurriedly pull his t-shirt on.
Neither of them exactly knew what to say to the other. They had only been acquainted for two days, but here they were. Dressed for bed. In his apartment. Both knew that nothing would happen that night – it simply was not the time for it – though both wanted it to.
Ziva was still close to tears every few seconds and she hated herself for it. Having this thought run through her mind, made the tears well up again. She willed them away, but only succeeded in making a few roll down her cheeks instead. The moment Tony saw her crumble, he was at her side, disposing of the towel in the chair next to the door and taking her in his arms. She started sobbing against his chest again.
Tony, sad himself that she had to be in so much pain, tried his best to soothe her, but couldn't get the amazing feel of them pressed so close together out of his mind. It was supposed to be like this. Them. Together. The tattoos had foretold it. He had not seen hers yet, but he was pretty sure it said "Hi". He figured that was why she most probably did not realise he was her soulmate, as she certainly heard it from everyone she met.
He only held her while her tears wet his shirt again, feeling their warmth through the thin fabric covering his chest. Silently, he pulled her to the bed and made her sit down. They stayed like this for a while again. Neither could remember how many times this had happened in the past few hours, but both new it had happened a lot.
Much later, they were laying side-by-side on the bed, only staring into each other's eyes, neither wanting to break the silence, yet both knowing it had to happen.
Tony was the first one to brave sound in the silence.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked her softly while running his hand up and down her arm.
"Not particularly."
"Sorry," he instantly apologised.
"It is okay. I know you meant well. I am just struggling to process it all. So many things have happened. Ari was my brother. When I was a little girl, he was the one who always walked me to school, as I was afraid of walking alone. He was six years older than I am, yet we always had a rather good relationship, despite the age difference." She let out a small smile at the fond memories and Tony was overjoyed to see it. But it only lasted a second until the bad memories took over again and turned her face into a frown. Tears filled her eyes once more and she pulled herself up unto Tony's chest for what felt like the hundredth time that evening. "How could he betray me like this? I spoke to him just hours before and he sounded so caring. He sounded like the Ari I knew. The Ari who protected Tali and I from everything. Now Tali is gone and Ari is gone and I am alone! I am responsible for him not being here! Tony, I killed my brother. I do not deserve to still be drawing breath! I deserve to be alone! I am a monster! I deserve to be punished!" she ended her rant quite breathless and became aware of him stroking her hair and light kisses being pressed against her forehead. Despite just saying she did not deserve to be comforted, she accepted the gestures and it did in fact make her feel calmer.
"Shh, Ziva. You are not alone. I am here for you. You will never be alone. And you are not a monster deserving of punishment. You are a wonderful and beautiful person. You had no control over what Ari did!" He lifted her head to look into her eyes to get his point across. "You. Are. Not. Responsible. Do you hear me? I will not allow you to blame yourself for something he did. Yes, he did kill Kate and I despise him for it, but it is not your fault. And you are not to feel guilty for taking his life. You saved Gibbs. You saved so many people from dying. If Ari lived, many others would not have. He turned into a bad man, Ziva, but he was still you brother. I get that. I understand that. You may mourn him, but you may not beat yourself up over it. Do you understand?"
Tony feared he might have crossed the line and realised his grip on her face was very strong. He slowly loosened it, still holding her stare. He was afraid she might leave and never come back, but what he saw in her eyes was understanding. He felt himself relax, but he still waited anxiously for her reply.
"Yes. Thank you, Tony. I know I have said it many times, but thank you. I still feel guilty for taking a life, as I always do, but I understand that it was necessary. I did not want to do it, please believe me, I did not want to do it. But I had to. Thank you for being here for me while I get through this. I do not know why you are doing this – we have not known each other for long at all – but I am grateful nonetheless."
He nodded, satisfied with her reply, but felt sleep calling to him. She saw him become sleepy and knew they both needed rest.
"Sleep now, Tony," she whispered. "I am not planning on going anywhere."
"Okay. Thank you." He knew she would not understand why he was thanking her, but she only smiled, not wanting an explanation just yet. He knew she felt something between them and he was very happy with that fact.
They slipped into unconsciousness then, both happy with being in the other's arms.