Hi guys.
Ok i'm gonna jump right into it. I'm a bit nervous to post this chapter today which i'm sad about because I have to say I'm quite proud of it. The issue is that this was written before Sundays ep aired and the prompt I was given calls for Robin to be pretty mad at Regina. I wrote it because that was what I was given but then Sunday happened and I know a lot of shippers are pretty angry at Robin right now. Personally i'm not one of them, confused yes, sad oh very but not angry. However i wont get into that because its not the time or place. So as you read this you will see Robin angry and hurt with Regina and some of you may feel annoyed with that because of how you feel about his actions in 4x19, but remember when this was written that never happened and as far as this story go's the events of 4x19 never happened so I hope you take that into consideration as you read this. If you can't and your just too mad right now I understand if you don't want to read, maybe you will feel differently if the canon story plays out better for us (I'm positive it will)
As always thanks to my wonderful beta Ivy and my rock right now on TeamPositive, We will go down with this ship.
As always guys I really want to know what you think.
Prompt by OutlawQueen on here.
Prompt – Has Regina gone too far this time?
Purple smoke billowed around her and as it cleared Regina found herself standing in her kitchen. She sagged against the refrigerator and took a deep breath in which she instantly regretted when her ribs throbbed in protest. She lifted her hand to her right cheek and winced as she felt the swelling there, the physical pain however was nothing compared with the irritation that she felt on this occasion being well and truly bested. Seemed she had let her arrogance cloud her judgement and she had been handed a sound beating for her troubles.
She did a quick check of her injuries, bruised cheek, one, no two broken ribs, split lip and sprained wrist, not to mention a very bruised ego, god that thing had made her into a victim and there was nothing she hated more.
What would be worst would be facing the rest of them. Snow, Emma, Hook, Charming, not to mention Robin had told her that they were to face this thing together but she had got cocky. She was used to working alone and though she knew she didn't have to anymore, she found it hard not to just handle things herself, after all she was the most powerful and she had no doubt her magic could handle one hell beast. Why put others in danger? This would be quick.
Turns out it wasn't any old hell beast like the others they had faced, it was strong and fast and before she had even been able to flick her wrist the thing had knocked her flying and was hovering over her ready to deliver the killing blow. There was no getting away and she was far too injured to even attempt to use her magic. She felt the creature's hot breath on her face and her stomach rolled as her nostril's filled with the vile smell of decay.
She had closed her eyes and thought of how stupid she was, how she had finally got the life she had wanted and now it was about to be snuffed out. Her last thoughts were of the three people she loved most in the world - Henry, Robin and Roland, as she squeezed her eyes shut tighter and waited for it to be over.
The blow never came and her eyes shot upon as she heard the beast let out a high pitched scream. The creature reared back and she looked to it to see the arrow embedded in its side. She weakly turned her head to the side and saw Robin standing a few feet away, bow raised and arrow notched with a fierce look on his face. She nearly sobbed in relief when she spotted her lover but she didn't get the chance as the beast recovered and began to descend on her again.
It didn't get too far and it screamed in pain again as it was hit by a white ball of magic that she could only guess came from Emma before dozens of arrows flew at the beast. She turned her head again and saw all the Merry Men standing behind Robin with bows pointed.
The fight was over fairly quickly after that the final killing blow coming from Charming's sword once it had been knocked down and weakened enough for him to get close enough. She witnessed all this from the forest floor still too winded to get up as she watched the well-oiled team take down the threat.
Once it was over the forest filled with silence and she finally felt strong enough to pull herself up into a sitting position. She felt stupid and weak and that was something she couldn't bear to feel. The pain she felt in her body was nothing compared to the burning shame she felt and she felt exposed under the many pairs of eyes she felt on her right now. She looked to them and saw a range of emotions in their eyes ranging from concern to annoyance. Finally her eyes sorted out the only ones she cared to see right now and they met the blue ones of her soul mate's. She sucked in a painful breath as she registered the look in his eyes. Oh there was concern in them lots of it and fear but there was also something else in them.
Anger. Oh he was well and truly pissed at her.
She couldn't take it, she felt stupid and she hurt everywhere and all she wanted was to be in his arms but he was angry with her. She weakly pulled herself to her feet stumbling slightly and she saw him drop his bow and start towards her.
Panic flooded her as she thought of having anything other than his love directed at her, he never looked at her with anything but love, they had been blissful ever since he had returned from New York after the whole Zelena trauma. Her fight or flight instinct kicked in. He never made it to her side before she had waved her hands over herself, making herself vanish in a puff of purple smoke.
...
So here she was, leaning heavily against her refrigerator on shaky legs as she tried to compose herself before he got here, and she knew he would be here soon.
Sure enough minutes later she jumped slightly as she heard the front door bang open, that was quicker than she had expected. She idly thought to herself as she took another shaky breath in as she waited for him to round the corner, the action made her rips scream in protest again.
His footsteps sounded across the silent home they now shared together and came to a stop as he reached the kitchen doorway. She kept her head down for a while longer until she could school her features into a natural expression before looking up to him.
He stood leaning up against the kitchen doorway with his arms folded, a stony expression on his face. She saw the tension rolling off his body in waves and she nearly whimpered as she locked her eyes with his. God he was so angry with her.
The silence between them carried on and on as both appeared to wait for the other to break it. After a while it became clear neither was willing to cave first so with a deep sigh Robin pushed off the door frame and stormed across the room as she limped over to the kitchen island and gingerly sat down on one of the stools feeling that her legs wouldn't hold her for much longer.
He reached the refrigerator and roughly pulled the door open before reaching onside the ice box and pulling out a tray of ice. She watched him under the eyelashes of her downcast eyes as he reached for a towel and savagely banged the ice tray against the towel to make the ice come out. He wrapped the towel around the ice before stomping over to her.
He stopped in front of her and she lifted her head to meet his stormy eyes, she searched them and saw concern in them but there was still so much anger that she went to drop her eyes again but before she could, his hand reached out to cup her chin and tilt her head back. Despite his clear anger his touch was gentle like always but so much more so, he was being careful with her like she was made of fragile glass that would break under his touch. This was new to her, in her experience anger and violence went hand in hand, from her mother to Leopold she had learnt to fear anger. Yet, moments ago, he had looked like he wanted to throttle her but his hands were tender, like he was trying his hardest to not cause her anymore pain than she already was in.
He lifted the makeshift ice pack and placed it against her bruised cheekbone. She hissed in pain at the contact and without thinking grabbed on to his forearm to steady herself as he lifted his hand on impulse to tenderly stroke her other uninjured cheekbone.
``Robin.'' She whispered softly and he just sighed deeply and dropped his hand not holding the ice before shaking his head and looking away from her, making it clear to her he was still mad. She felt instantly cold and she knew it wasn't the ice but the loss of his touch that had caused the feeling. She took a deep breath as she realised that she had got to make the plunge to end the silence, she cleared her throat and regretted it when a stabbing pain shot through her ribs again. She ignored it and tried to speak in a calm voice but it came out slightly wheezy as her ribs carried on complaining at any movement she attempted to make.
``So you're just going to give me the silent treatment?''
Robin abruptly took the ice away from her face and slammed the towel on the kitchen counter before stepping away and looking at her in irritation with his arms folded.
``What do you want me to say Regina?'' He asked her coolly.
She didn't know, she didn't know what she wanted him to say right now. Well, if she was to be honest with herself she just wanted this whole situation to go away. She wanted the anger gone from his eyes and she wanted them to be filled with nothing but love again.
In short she wanted to not deal with this at all.
She took a small breath in and leveled him with what she hoped was an indifferent stare, her voice was calm as she answered him.
``I don't know Robin, why don't you just tell me what you need to so we can get this over with."
She saw that she had said the wrong thing when his eyes hardened further.
``Is this just a joke to you Regina?'' He bit out. ``Just an annoyance that you want to get over with and pretend never happened? Look at you, you can barely stand, can barely breathe and you look like one giant bruise right now.''
Her annoyance raised as his words made her shame on taking such a royal beating string further. She rolled her eyes and her voice was an irritated snap as she spoke to him.
``I'm fine, it's all just superficial, easily fixed, look.'' She waved her hands over herself and felt as her magic began to heal her injuries. She felt a small amount of relief as the aches and pains began to disappear and breathing became easier. She looked to Robin but he seemed unimpressed, the anger had not left his eyes and he just continued to look coolly at her.
``Oh well that makes it all ok then doesn't it?'' he bit out sarcastically. ``Because magic solves everything. We had a plan Regina, all of us, a plan to take down this thing, but oh no, the queen always works alone despite the fact she knows damn well she doesn't have to these day.''
``I thought I could handle it.'' She snapped back at him. His words had hit a nerve because she knew he was right. She knew she hadn't got to do anything alone these days, she had a support network - Robin, Emma, Snow hell she even knew that Hook and Charming had her back these days. Yet, it was still something she found hard accepting. She had been alone for so long and it was a hard adjustment to make.
``Well you thought wrong.'' He retorted, his voice raising. ``What would have happened if we had got there a few seconds later, did you think about that?''
She rolled her eyes and hopped down off the high stool going to the refrigerator to get out a bottle of water. She didn't even want it, she was sure it would taste like ash in her mouth right now but she just needed something to do other than see his cold eyes on her.
``Don't you think you're being a little melodramatic? I'm fine, everything is fine.'' She told him, trying to make her voice sound casual.
She didn't buy her own words though so she knew he wouldn't. He wasn't being overdramatic, he was right - a few more seconds and she would have been dead, he was right to be angry however her being her was not about to admit that.
``Melodramatic?'' He whispered in disbelief. ``YOU NEARLY DIED.''
She jumped slightly as he shouted his last words. She looked to him to see him shaking in fury, looking at her with anger and shock at her trying to downplay what happened. He carried on speaking in a rage.
``A few more seconds and you would have been gone, my soul mate wiped from this earth because she refuses to let me stand by her side as she fights. Did you not think of me at all in all this? Did you not think about what would become of me if anything happened to you? You are part of me and I can't lose you. I know you have no self preservation, you've never had, but what about the ones you leave behind? Not just me but Henry and Roland, you would have left two young boys heartbroken because of your stupidity.''
He stopped in his tirade, breathing heavily as anger rolled off him. His eyes shined with fire and unshed tears as she saw the panic he had felt leave him in angry words. At that moment she should have backed down, apologised and admitted to him she was wrong, but she was who she was after all and all she could do was concentrate on how much his words stung.
His words hurt her, mostly because she knew they were true, she had been stupid but to hear him say it hurt her beyond reason. She had heard that word so much growing up from Cora then again when she was married to Leopold. Stupid, worthless, disappointment, words to beat her down until she had believed she would never stand again.
But she had stood again, she had shown them, shown them she was strong and capable and couldn't be knocked down by them ever again. So to hear one of those words coming from Robin stung like a backhand. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew he didn't mean it, that he was just worried and speaking out of anger. He didn't think she was stupid just that her behaviour had been, she knew that Robin loved her and would never intentionally hurt her.
She knew that.
However she was who she was and she felt the anger raise in her. Her voice was the old her, hard, sharp and dripping with contempt and sarcasm as she fixed her best glare at him and bit the words out.
``Stupid? Oh please, as if i need schooling in intelligence by a man who didn't notice for three months that his formerly dead wife was really a deranged wicked witch.''
As soon as the words were out she wanted to take them back, she knew instantly she had crossed a line and her eyes went wide as she looked to him in panic. His eyes too had gone wide and her words made him stumble back. She almost whimpered as she saw the look in his eyes.
Pain, disbelief, betrayal.
She needed to fix it and she moved forward, her voice small and full of regret as she uttered his name. He carried on backing up from her and raised his hand to halt her movement. He shook his head sadly and turned to walk out of the kitchen, she called his name again pleadingly but he ignored it and carried on walking.
Dread filled her chest like a giant cold stone and she felt her hands begin to shake and her legs begin to wobble. Her back hit the refrigerator and she slid down it to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest as she heard the front door slam shut with his departure. She took a long shaky breath in and leant her head on her raised knees as she felt the tears roll down her cheeks.
Oh god what had she done?
...
``You said what?'' Emma and Snow both asked her in union, both voices holding twin sounds of disbelief.
Regina dropped her eyes from the two females that were looking at her in shock with mouths gaping. She lifted her hand to massage her throbbing temples before she grabbed her wine glass from its perch on the table in front of her, taking a large gulp before setting it down again.
She looked up as she heard Emma let out a whoosh of air, her voice still held disbelief as she spoke plainly.
``Geez Regina i'm aware you don't mince your words after all I've been on the receiving end of them on more than one occasion but THAT was cold.''
Regina fixed Emma with a hard stare before speaking to her in a harsh snap.
``You think I don't know that? Now are you going to give me some advice or not?''
Snow looked to her former step mother with a gentle smile before telling her softly.
``There's no easy fix for this Regina. You hurt him and this is going to take some work on your behalf.''
Regina said nothing, she knew that, she knew that as she had crossed the line and it would be up to her to make it better. What she didn't tell Snow was that she was willing to do anything, say anything to make it up to Robin, to sooth the hurt she had caused.
She just had no idea how to do it.
Hence why Emma and Snow were sitting at her dining room table, drinking wine with her at 2.00pm in the afternoon. It had been three days since she had spoken to Robin, when he had stormed out, she had waited nervously for him to return only to be sent a brief and blunt text message later that evening informing her he would be staying at the camp that night.
She had felt the sickening dread fill her and she had reached for her phone, hitting number one on her speed dial with shaking fingers. The call had been disconnected after the second ring and she let out a choked sob which had turned to full-blown cries when she received another text from him.
I need you to give me some time.
As much as it hurt that he didn't want to speak to her right now the text gave her hope that maybe after some time he would come around, that she hadn't just completely ruined the best thing to ever happen to her besides Henry.
However that had been three days ago and she still had not seen or heard from him. The panic was gripping her tighter with every passing moment which is why she had reluctantly called Snow. It was so unlike her to ask for help and she did it with reluctance but she was desperate and clueless as to what to do.
She turned to Emma with slightly pleading eyes and the blonde just sighed deeply and shook her head before speaking in a careful tone.
``Mary Margret is right, Regina. There is no easy fix to this, it's just going to take time and I'm afraid to say the Queen is going to have to bow down and do some grovelling.''
Regina groaned and put her head in her hands, she felt tears burn her eyes as she tried her hardest to hide them from the two other women. She attempted to make her voice strong but it came out small and thick with tears as it dawned on her that the two women had no miracle solution to give her.
``I've really messed this up haven't I?''
``Oh yeah royally, pardon the pun.'' She heard Emma mutter just before Snow said her daughter's name in a scolding tone. Regina hadn't the energy to give Emma a biting retort back, she hadn't even got the energy to lift her head and glare at her. She was too focused on her shame and misery. After all Emma was right, no point in pretending otherwise.
She lifted tear-stained eyes when she felt a gentle hand on her forearm. She looked to Snow who gently took her hand and fixed her with gentle caring eyes before speaking softly.
``Regina you said a bad thing and he's hurting and it may take some time to fix but Robin loves you, anyone can see how much and that will win in the end but you're going to have to work on it. You need to go to him and show him how sorry you are, say it a million times over if you need to until he believes it.''
She looked to Emma who was nodding her head in agreement with her mother before looking back to Snow's encouraging gaze. She felt a new determination as she pondered Snow's words, it seeped in through the hopelessness as she finally felt hope since Robin had stormed out of their home. Whatever it takes she would do because he was worth it.
She just hoped Snow was right.
...
Regina's stomach twisted into knots the next day as she made the familiar journey to the Merry Men's camp. She was assaulted by fond memories at she saw it come into view from the distance. Memories of her and Robin spending days and evening there with Henry and Roland, running through the forests and sitting by the fire come nightfall.
She felt on edge but she wasn't surprised because she hadn't slept more than a few hours in the last few days. She was finding the guilt and worry coupled with the absence of his arms around her gave her very little chance of resting.
As she got closer the smell of camp fire invaded her nostrils and she heard the sound of manly laughter coupled with another childish one that made her heart ache.
Roland.
Oh, how she missed the boy even if had only been four days. She missed his chatter and carefree laughter and his ability to make even her darkest days that little bit brighter. As she got closer Will spotted her first and said something to Roland who turned in her direction. A huge smile broke though on his face and he ran towards her as fast as his little legs could carry him.
``Gina.'' He screamed as he raced towards her. As he got closer she crouched down and opened her arms, wrapping them around his small body once he was close enough.
``I missed you.'' He whispered in her ear as he wrapped his small arms around her neck.
She closed her eyes as she hugged him close to her, breathing in the smell that was so much like his father's own scent, yet with a more childlike quality.
``I missed you too sweetheart.'' She whispered back to him before drawing back to look lovingly at the small boy. Roland beamed at her brightly before his gaze became thoughtful.
``Papa said that you were busy and that was why we couldn't see you, now your back can we come home now?''
Regina bit her lip to stop the sob bubbling up from her throat and she forced a smile onto her face before answering him in a voice that faked brightness.
``Maybe sweetheart, I just need to talk to daddy first ok?''
Oh, how she hoped him and his father would be coming home with her tonight.
Roland smiled and nodded before his expression became serious again, his voice was quiet as he told her.
``Daddy has been sad Gina, but it will be ok now you're here. You always make daddy smile.''
Regina kept the smile on her face even as her heart clenched painfully, if only the sweet boy knew that she was the cause of his father's sadness. She felt like the most horrible person on earth, not only had she upset Robin but that had a knock on effect on Roland as well.
She was brought out of her thoughts by Will coming up beside her, she looked up at the younger man as he began to speak.
``Not sure what kind of barney you two have had, it must have been a good un but I'm begging you sort the bloke out, will you, Your Majesty. He's been like a bear with a sore head for the last few days and he's driving us all mad.''
She ignored the further squeezing in her chest at Will's words and with a last ruffle of Roland's hair, she stood up straight and cleared her throat before asking Will calmly.
``Where is he?''
``Practice area.'' Will answered her using his thumb to gesture through the tree's to the area Regina knew all too well from times she had watched as Henry had taken shooting lessons from Robin.
``Come on little man.'' Will said as he took Roland's hand. ``Let's let the Queen and your dad chat.''
Regina gave Will a look of thanks to which he nodded to in return before making her way to the place she now knew her soulmate was.
She had not made it more than a few paces before the large towering form of Little John appeared in front of her with a small smile and kind eyes. After a shaky start, she and John had become friends of some sort. It was easy once they both realised they had a fierce love for Robin and Roland in common, the man was fiercely loyal and once he realised she was part of Robin's life that loyalty was extended to her too, well if she was honest she believed the mans respect for her began as soon as she had saved Roland from the flying monkey. She took a deep breath but still couldn't bring herself to look at John before she spoke to him in a quiet voice.
``Tell me it's not too late John, tell me I can still fix this.''
She raised her eyes slowly to meet John's and felt dread fill her at the hint of doubt in John's eyes. He took a deep breath before answering her carefully.
``I'll tell you the truth Regina, I have no idea what went on with the two of you because he won't talk about it but I know it must have been rough because I can't remember the last time I saw my old friend so out of sorts.''
Regina felt a tear slide down her cheek and she quickly lifted her hand to wipe it away as she felt the full impact of John's words, she was quickly loosing hope and she felt the despair raise to the point where she thought she would drown in it.
``I don't know what to do.'' She told him in a small voice.
John placed his large hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze before speaking in a gentle voice.
``Well I'm limited in the amount of help I can give you because i'm short on the details, however I have known Robin a very long time and based on that I will tell you two things I know for sure.''
Regina looked to John and waited for him to continue.
``Number one is that Robin is without a doubt the most forgiving and compassionate person I have ever had the good fortune to meet.''
Regina nodded in agreement with John. He was right, Robin was all that and more. After all how could someone not be when they meet the Evil Queen for the first time and offer her your help with no bias or preconceptions. He had every reason to be wary of her. Yet, he wasn't even when she had shown him nothing but snarky comments and contempt he had given her back patience and care even trusting the fearsome Queen enough to let her be around his son.
`And the second thing?'' She asked in a chocked whisper as the guilt of what she had said a few days ago to that wonderful man weighed heavily on her.
John gave her shoulder another gentle squeeze before answering her.
``That man loves you with all he has and when you love someone you always forgive them eventually.''
With one last squeeze of her shoulder John walked away leaving her alone. Regina took a deep breath and wrung her slightly shaking hands in front of her, she was nervous. She wanted to see him so badly but she was terrified he wouldn't want to see her.
She began walking in the direction she knew he was, her stomach lurching as she wondered what she would do if he really wouldn't forgive her.
...
She heard the whoosh of arrows flying through the air and thumping against their target before he came into view and she she felt her nerves raise further along with the anticipation of seeing him. Since he had returned from New York they had been inseparable and the last four days without him had taken their toll on her making her edgy and anxious.
As she got closer he finally came into view and she felt her stomach flip as she took in his back turned to her, the muscles rippling with the effort of pulling the string of the bow back. His movements were panther like quick as he deposited arrow after arrow against the target.
She moved closer and saw the exact moment he felt her approach when he paused in his drawback for a few moments before beginning to pull back the string again. The arrow missed the target completely and whizzed through the forest to a unknown destination causing him to curse under his breath and toss the bow down to the ground followed by the arrows.
``You missed.'' Regina whispered quietly.
He didn't turn still but he answered her in a flat voice.
``Yes, well I'm finding since meeting you, you have a knock-on effect on my aim.''
``I'm sorry.'' She told him in a tiny voice though she was not talking about his aim.
He finally turned to look at her and she almost gasped when she saw him. He looked tired and so very sad and she hated that she was the one who had made him feel that way. God why did she always do this to the people she loved the most?
``For what, Regina? My aim or for what you said?'' He asked her in question.
Regina saw very quickly that he wasn't going to make this easy on her, he wasn't giving her an inch and he still looked angry but more so upset, it made her insides clench.
``For what I said.'' She said firmly, lifting her eyes to his so he could see the truth in them. ``I was angry and I lashed out and I was wrong.''
He kept his eyes on hers but said nothing, barely reacted and she began to feel the raising panic again as he stood in front of her like an unmovable wall was standing between them.
``Robin, I said I was sorry.'' She said louder a slight twinge of panic to her voice.
He sighed deeply and lifted his hands to run them through his hair. His voice was tired as he spoke, it sounded like how she felt.
``I heard you the first time Regina. The problem is, `Sorry' just doesn't make it all go away.''
``Then tell me what will.'' She pleaded with him. ``Tell me what will make it better.''
``I don't know.'' He replied quietly looking away from her.
She was running out of ideas and it was clear her apology wasn't having an effect so she tried a different tactic. She carefully moved towards him stopping when she was right in front of him. Her voice was full of longing as she spoke to him.
``I miss you.''
``I miss you too.'' He replied raising his head to lock his blue eyes on her brown ones. She saw a flash of longing in his eyes and it was all she needed to act. If he wouldn't believe her words maybe she could show him how much she loved him.
She stepped forward and cupped his face as she brought her lips to his. He didn't respond at first but then with a loud groan he threaded his hand in her hair and tilted her head back to deepen the kiss further. She gasped into his mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck to bring him closer to her. She ran her tongue over the seam of his lips and he willingly opened to allow her to sweep her tongue inside his mouth to brush against his own. She relished the taste of him after what seemed like so long, she ached for him, ached for his hands on her, to have him close to her again and feel the love he flooded her every pore with everyday.
He kissed her back frantically like he had missed her just as much before placing his free hand on her hip and pushing her backwards until her back hit the bark of the nearest tree. The bark bit into the skin of her back as he pushed her against it but she didn't care, she was just so happy to be kissing him. She bit lightly at his bottom lip while she tugged at his hair and he growled in response and slid his hand to her thigh so he could lift her leg and wrap it around his hip. She whimpered as he pressed forward and she felt him against her as she rocked back into him while he kept on matching the frantic duel of their tongue's and lips.
Suddenly the spell was broken and he ripped his lips from hers and dropped her leg as he stumbled back. She let out a desperate cry and reached for him again but he held up his hand and barked out a firm but breathless. ``No.''
She leant heavily against the tree, her breath leaving her in harsh pants as she saw him shake his head as if to ground himself. He looked to her again and she almost whimpered as she saw the anger return to his eyes as he spoke in a raised voice.
``God Regina you can't just kiss me and make all this go away, it doesn't work like that.''
She remained quiet, biting her lip to stop the sob from escaping her mouth as she watched him take another steadying breath before stumbling over to a fallen log and taking a seat facing her. He looked to her face and she saw that the anger had gone just as quick as it had appeared, now he just looked tired and sad.
``You know what hurt the most about what you said, Regina?'' He asked her softly.
``No.'' She answered him softly her eyes locking with his as she waited for him to continue.
``It's that out of everyone, I thought you would understand. You once told me that the worst thing for you about Daniel's death was that you felt that you had let him down by not being able to stop your mother.''
Regina nodded slightly as she felt the first tear slip down her cheek as she remembered the night she had told Robin about her guilt over her first love's death before she was brought out of her thoughts by Robin continuing.
``Marian was my wife, I was her first love and I was meant to know her better then anyone, yet I didn't even twig for months that it wasn't even her. I insulted her memory and I let her down.''
The tears came thick and fast right now as the full impact of what she had done came tumbling down on her, it felt like it was crushing her chest, making it hard for her to breathe.
``Now that is something I'm going to have to learn to live with and in time learn to forgive myself for like you have to with Daniel. So for you to so callously use that against me out of anger...''
He trailed off and Regina let out a hiccuping sob as she lost all ability to be able to keep them back. How could she be so callous as to use that of all things against him, god she was an awful person and he deserved so much better than her.
``You're my soulmate Regina, my other half and in that moment I didn't know you at all and I'm questioning if I ever did.''
With his last words he climbed to his feet and began to walk away from her. His words stung her like a knife to the heart and she looked to his blurry form as the tears clouded her vision and helplessness set in.
``I love you.'' She chocked out and she just made out through her clouded eyes as he turned back to her.
``I love you too.'' He told her sadly. ``I'm just not sure if that's enough anymore.''
He turned again and walked away as she she slid down the tree trunk till she hit the floor. Heavy sobs sounded through the silent forest as she finally admitted defeat.
She had lost him for good.
...
Regina had no idea how long she had sat there but she had a feeling it had been a while if the numbness in her cold hands was any indication.
After he had left her alone in the forest and she had felt calm enough she had magicked herself home and climbed straight into bed fully clothed, silent tears falling from her eyes as she turned his words to her over and over in her mind.
`I'm just not sure if that's enough anymore.'
That had been three days ago and the pain was as fresh as it had been on the day the conversation had taken place. She had cut herself off from everyone, just sending Henry a text asking for a few days to herself. Her boy was worried and she felt guilty that she was causing him anxiety but right now it was better if he didn't see her like this.
The absence of Robin had overwhelmed her eventually and the silence in the home that would normally be filled with love and laughter had driven her to the one place she knew she would feel closest to him.
She sat on the fallen log in the silence of the forest as she remembered the time they had sat in this spot together as she had told him her fears of being unable to defeat Zelena. Just like that she had opened up and admitted her fear of weakness the thing she had hated the most in the world to a man she barely knew but already felt such a deep connection with. From that moment on, she had thought of this place as theirs.
A cold wind whipped around her, making her hair fly in all directions but it didn't make much difference to her. She had already felt the cold down to her bones for days now as a realisation had hit her.
She was as dangerous as the fire that she wielded. She caused destruction to everything she touched, burning everything that got too close to ash. For a while she thought that Robin had managed to keep the fire at bay but like everything eventually she had pushed the flames higher until the heat gave him no choice but to retreat.
She vaguely noticed it started to rain, fat drops of water dripping through the leaves of the trees until she felt it soak through her coat and plaster her hair to her face in wet strands. She shivered violently yet still she sat there unwilling to move from the only place she felt close to her soulmate.
Suddenly she felt a familiar tugging in her chest but she believed it to just be wishful thinking, her mind playing a cruel joke on her, taunting her to later crush her spirit even more than it was already.
It was real though and her heart leapt in her chest when she felt him drape his jacket over her shoulders before sitting down next to her on the fallen log. She looked blankly at him through her wet hair and was surprised to see only concern shining back at her through his eyes. She watched as little by little his shirt and hair soaked in the rain but still he didn't say anything just sat by her close enough to touch. She wanted to but she was pretty sure that wasn't her right any more.
``How did you find me?'' She whispered as she looked to the floor.
``Henry called me.'' He answered her gently. ``He's worried about you and it looks like he has a reason to be. Why are you out here Regina? It's pouring with rain and you're going to make yourself ill.''
As he spoke he took one of her freezing cold hands in both of his and rapidly rubbed them together to allow the friction to warm it. It helped and she felt some of the warmth return to her body though she wasn't sure if it was just his presence alone that had done that. She ignored his question but spoke in a small voice anyway as he went to work on her other freezing hand.
``I don't know whats wrong with me, I hate myself for hurting you, it's the last thing in the world I ever wanted to do.''
He paused in his rubbing at her words.
``Then why?'' He asked her sadly.
``I don't know.'' She choked out. ``I'll tell you the same thing I told Henry once though.''
She looked to him as he simply nodded and waited for her to continue.
``I'm not very good at loving, it's something I've had to learn to do. Apart from Daniel and he was taken from me in a blink of an eye, the only examples I've had were people that would tell me they loved me as they hurt me so my view of love over time became something to fear and mistrust.''
She looked to him and saw him listening to her intently. This was good if he was to leave her at least she knew she had attempted to make amends and make him understand.
``You know I would never hurt you Regina. Well never if I can help it anyway.'' He told her softly.
``I know.'' She whispered back ``Believe me I know that but it's a learnt behaviour and it creeps up and I don't even know i'm doing it most the time until it's too late. That day when we had the fight it was just instinct to lash out, hurt before you get hurt.''
Her throat burned and her voice was strained from attempting to keep her tears at bay but his constant touch on her hand gave her strength to continue even if she didn't know for how much longer he would be here with her.
``I've never been loved before like you love me and it's taking some adjusting to believe i'm lucky enough to have it, that it's not just going to disappear. Irony is if anything is likely to ruin this it's going to be me.''
She lost the battle in holding back her tears and she felt the warmer salt liquid mix in with the colder rain on her face.
``I know i'm not an easy person to love.'' She told him in a broken voice.
And there it was, she had laid all her cards on the table and admitted her biggest fear to him. That the broken shell of a woman she was would just never be worth the effort, that no matter how hard she tried she would always ruin any good in her life sooner or later.
She let out a small gasp as she was brought out of her dark thoughts by his hand cupping her wet chin. He lifted her face so that her eyes locked with his and she bit her lip hard as she saw the compassion in them, it was more than she deserved.
``It's not hard to love you, it's incredibly easy. He told her firmly. ``Don't get me wrong you can be a pain in the arse and at times you make me insane but I have never regretted for a second being with you and do you know why?
She shook her head in his grasp not trusting her voice at that moment.
``Because you're wonderful. And despite what you may think you love very well which given your past is a wonder in itself.''
``But I hurt you.'' She choked out.
He moved his hand up to stroke her damp cheek tenderly before answering her and she greedily leaned into his touch.
``Yes you did, you hurt me a lot but I can see now that I hurt you too both on that day and the following and I'm sorry for that. When I saw that thing standing over you and imagined that if I had been only seconds later I could have lost you it scared me so much and like you, I can say hurtful things in anger, it's human nature, Regina.''
She shook her sadly in his hold.
``What you said to me doesn't even compare to what I said to you.'' It finally became too much and the sobs wrecked her already shaking form as she seemed to sag forward, a chocked `I'm sorry' Leaving her lips. His arms caught her and he pulled her to his chest as his arms wrapped around her and she buried her face against his soaked shirt.
``I know you are.'' He whispered as he threaded a hand into her wet hair.
He held her for several minutes as she sobbed, quietly shushing her in the ear until she calmed down and with a start tried to pull back, he didn't let her though and she began to push against his chest. She wanted to be in his arms and she wanted his forgiveness more than anything but she didn't want to feel she had forced his hand because he had found her half freezing and sobbing while she told him the woes of her life. If she was to be with him she wanted it to be because he wanted to be, because he loved and wanted to be with her and nothing else.
``You don't need to feel sorry for me Robin I'll be fine I promise, you shouldn't feel obligated to forgive me because i'm such a mess right now.'' She choked out as she continued to try and fight free from his hold.
``Hey.'' He said as he drew back and put his finger under her chin to tilt her head back so he could look into her eyes. ``I'm not here because of obligation and i'm forgiving you because you said you're sorry and I know you mean it, no other reason.''
``But-'' She protested but he just shook his head firmly before interrupting her.
``No Regina, I mean it. I was angry and hurt yes, more than I had ever been with you before and I needed time, and to understand why you did what you did which you have given me. The fact of the matter is Regina I love you and we always eventually forgive the ones we love because we love every part of them and are unwilling to give up on them.''
``You said that you didn't know if it was enough any more.'' She told him in a small voice.
He gave her a small sad smile before answering her softly.
``It's only not enough if you're not willing to work on the issues and I know now you are, and I'll be here with you to help in any way I can. Regina, you said that you are still learning how to love. Well, I want you to let me help teach you.''
She felt warmth flood her veins despite the cold as she took in his words, she gave him the first genuine smile she had managed in days.
``So you forgive me?'' She asked him softly needing him to say the words.
He gave her a gentle smile as he cupped both her cheeks in his hands.
``I forgive you, as long as you forgive me for not trying harder to resolve this sooner?''
She found it absurd that he felt the need to apologise for anything but that just showed what a wonderful man he was, so patient and compassionate. She chose not to answer instead hooked her hand behind his neck so that she could pull his head down and press her lips against his.
He answered the kiss straight away, threading one hand in her soaking hair as he softly slanted his lips over hers. The kiss was gentle and searching, no rush now that they had established that they had all the time in the world, she tasted the rain water on his lips along with a taste that was just him. She lifted her hands to run through his own wet hair and she heard him groan as she scraped blunt nails against his scalp. The kiss deepened as their tongues stroked gently against one another's making them both gasp in pleasure into each others mouths, sharing warm breath in the cold atmosphere, each other a perfect source of warmth for the other.
When oxygen became a necessity they broke apart breathlessly and pressed their foreheads together. They looked deep into each others eyes as they rubbed their wet noses against each other's, drinking each other in greedily as they tried to make up for lost time.
``We need to get out of the wet.'' He told her softly. ``I'm cold and you have been out here a lot longer than me so I know you must be too.''
She felt warmer than she had been in days but an involuntary tremble showed her he was right.
``Can we go home?'' She asked him pleadingly, to which he smiled brightly at, and pressed a gentle kiss to her wet forehead, his voice tickling her skin as he whispered against it.
``Let's go home, sweetheart.''