A/N- Hey, guys. Here's the new chapter, I hope you like it. Let me know what you think in the reviews.
I can barely concentrate in class. He's all I think about. My heart is pounding all day- I feel like my heart rate and blood pressure are dangerously high. Is he going to mention the kiss? Where does he go when he disappears? Why did he get so mad, so defensive, when I asked?
On my way to the cafeteria, I'm paying no attention to where I'm going. I'm just checking and rechecking my phone and spacing out. I don't know why Kenny is occupying all the space in my mind right now, but it's a problem. As a result of how distracted I am, I almost run right into Craig while turning a corner. He stumbles backward and puts his hand on my shoulder just in time.
"Doing okay there, Broflovski?" he says in his regular monotone.
I chuckle softly. "Yeah, sorry," I reply. I rub the back of my beck and smile apologetically. "Just having an off day, I guess."
Craig pats my shoulder and raises an eyebrow. "Alright, man, take it easy."
He starts to walk away, but I stop him. "Wait, Craig-" I start.
He gives me a look and sighs. "What, man? I just want to get lunch."
"I, uh," I say softly. I frown a little and look down. I don't really know what I want from Craig. Reassurance, maybe. Answers, maybe. I'm not getting either from Kenny. "I just- I want to know how you deal with it."
"Deal with what?" he responds slowly.
"Kenny. The disappearing, not knowing where he went, him refusing to answer any questions… I just want to know how you manage it," I say. I try to keep the desperation out of my voice.
Craig just shakes his head. "No. Just no," he says and it almost comes out like a laugh. "I'm not getting into this. Not with you."
"What? Why?" I ask.
He chuckles a little and rubs his temple. "I just can't, alright? I'm not giving my ex's new fling any advice. It's too weird."
My heart almost stops and my cheeks get hot. "I- I'm not a fling. Kenny is just my friend. I'm straight."
He raises his eyebrows. "Really." Then he shrugs and lets out a sigh. "Well, I don't deal with it, okay? Kenny- he just got to be a little much for me, I guess."
"Is that why you guys broke up?"
Craig ran his tongue over his teeth and sighed again. I swear, he's always exasperated at some level. "Look, I'm really not interested in talking about that. I don't know what your sudden interest is, but it's not like I'm about to open up to you, man."
"Sorry, I just…" I chuckle a little. "It's hard being friends with someone who won't talk to you about anything real."
His expression softens a little. "I promise, I don't know how to handle it any more than you do. Kenny's not exactly an easy person to handle once you get past the eccentricities and the acting. He's secretive and he refuses to be confronted and it never gets any easier." He shrugs and looks down at his shoes. "I couldn't deal."
"So am I just supposed to pretend that he doesn't disappear?" I say, and I can heard myself getting frustrated.
"God knows that's what the rest of us do," he replies, and then he pauses. "I know you said you guys are just friends, but just in case… Just, ah, just be careful, alright? He sucks people in with all that enthusiasm and he makes people feel special, but… Be careful."
He pats me once on the shoulder and walks away. I have completely lost my appetite. I don't really know what I wanted Craig to say, but I just hoped I would be at least a little more at ease. Instead, I'm stressed and so much he said rubbed me the wrong way. First, assuming I'm dating Kenny. Then, all his pessimism and his defeatist attitude. And then again, still thinking there was something going on between me and Kenny. I decide to chalk it up to him being a jealous ex and walk to the cafeteria.
Cartman and Stan are there, and Butters continues to be avoiding the lunch table. I absent-mindedly wonder what happened between him and Cartman when I realize that no one at the table has a tray or any food at all.
Stan glances up at me looking kind of pathetic. "Hey, man," he says and he sounds like Eeyore. "You not eating either?"
"Still full from breakfast," I reply, trying to keep my voice at least twice as cheerful. "What's up with you guys?"
Cartman shoots me a glare. "Fuck off."
"Hey, chill, dude," I respond quickly. I don't have much patience for this right now. "What's wrong with you?"
He clenches his fists. "I'm not in the mood to deal with your goddamn daywalker Jew crap right now, asshole," he snaps. He pushes away from the table and storms out of the cafeteria, bumping his shoulder into every person in his way.
"Guess I shouldn't have asked," I mutter to myself, leaning my forehead into my hand. Then I sigh and look over at Stan. "What's going on with you?"
He lays his head on top of his arms on the table. "Wendy and I got in a fight again. She said we wouldn't make it a week dating in college."
"I'm sorry, man," I reply, putting my hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure you guys will work it out. You always do."
He just shrugs. For once, he doesn't seem to want to talk about it. "What about you? I thought you'd be over the moon happy with Kenny back."
"I'm fine," I say, maybe a little too quickly. "You know, I just remembered that I have some work to do. I completely forgot last night. I'll see you later."
I got up and walked quickly out of there right as Kenny and Tweek were walking in. Kenny smiled politely and then kept heading toward his table. My heart pounded in my throat and my cheeks felt flushed. I had to take a moment to catch my breath before continuing out.
Today is too much. I am done with this day. I can't handle it anymore. Maybe I'll just take off, skip the rest of the day, play sick. I feel sick anyway. I never skip, so I think people would cut me some slack. Maybe not my mom, but my teachers. I can just email them when I get home, tell them I got sick and needed to go home immediately. It'll be fine, just a one time thing.
I start to feel better before I remember that I don't have my car. I can't leave until Kenny does. WHich means another car ride with him. And who knows if he'll be friendly, upbeat, sweet Kenny or moody and quiet Kenny? Craig's right, I can't do this.
Maybe I can get Stan to drive me home. He's depressed, it shouldn't be too hard to convince him to skip. Maybe he and I could just mope and play video games. Of course, I'd have to admit to him that I'm not fine. I might have too much pride to do that. I'd also have to tell Kenny that I don't need a ride home, which might be weird.
I'm so caught up in thinking about this that I almost round a corner before registering the arguing that's happening. I quickly stop and back up a little. I intend to just walk away, but I accidentally eavesdrop. Well, maybe it wasn't that accidental, but whatever.
"Can't you just talk to me?" a voice says, quiet and urgent. It sounds like Cartman, but it sounds too sincere and pleading to be him. "What's your problem?"
"Just go away, I can't do this right now," a small voice replies. I think it's Butters, and suddenly, I'm very intrigued.
"Come on, just tell me what's wrong," Cartman replies, sounding more desperate.
"Like you don't know," Butters snaps back. It's weird hearing him sound angry.
"I don't!" Cartman says back, raising his voice. "I've really been trying here, okay?"
"Yeah? Have you?" He pauses for a moment. "Do you remember what I told you the night of the party?"
"Of course," Cartman murmurs.
"Okay. And do you remember what you told me?"
"Butters, come on. You said you were okay with keeping it a secret."
"Look, I know, okay? I know what I said," Butters replies, keeping his voice low. "But the way you've been acting, the way you talk around other people, I just-"
"I've been acting the way I always do. What's the problem?"
"Eric, that's exactly the problem," Butters replies. "I thought- I don't know. I thought I would be okay with this."
"What are you saying?" Cartman's voice sounds like it breaks, but I'm not sure. I've never heard Cartman's voice break before. Not for real, anyway.
"I can't do this. You know I can't. I can't listen to you talk and joke like I don't exist. It hurts."
Neither of them say anything for a moment and then I heard footsteps going down the hall. I walk the other direction.
This day is too much. I've decided. I'm going to just go ask Stan to skip with me. I can't handle this right now.