So yeah, my pre-empting on the previous chapter was a bit off the mark, but I SOO wanted to see Ressler and Mr Kaplan together so I had to take that risk that it may not fit with the direction the show went! So this is just a 'bridge' chapter to fit with what I wrote in Chapter 9 to lead into what we saw in Episode 2x07 which will be in my next chapter. So in that sense it's entirely outside the show, but leading into writing about that awesome 'hint of Keenler' episode we got this week! So bear with me on this chapter, as it's really just 'filler'.
When Ressler woke up the morning after his…little adventure in Sitka, Alaska…he wasn't sure what was going on for a moment. There was something leaning on him. Something warm and furry and glancing down he saw the little scruffy dog against him. And when he lifted his gaze he saw Liz asleep in the recliner, buried under a blanket. And as he focused more around the room, it all came back to him.
Aaahh, yeah… Hotel Reddington.
As he moved to get up, he woke the dog who looked at him in a daze, appearing to get his bearings. He spoke softly to the animal. "Yeah…you and me both, little dude... Confusing night…"
He climbed out of bed, careful not to wake Liz and padded over to the bathroom, noticing how…raw…his body felt. Like it had gone 12 rounds in the ring with a prize fighter - and lost miserably. His thumb was aching, the throbbing having dropped to a much more tolerable level though. Or maybe that's the new 'dope but not dope' pills I'm on… Drawn to the mirror, he was relieved to see blue eyes this morning, albeit a little bloodshot. And a little color in his face. Always a good sign…
As he came out of the bathroom, glancing at Liz and seeing she was still asleep, there was a knock at the door. Opening it, he found Mr Kaplan out there, looking like she'd just stepped out of a Mary Poppins movie with her coat, bag and umbrella.
"Good morning deary. May I come in?" He hesitated a moment looking at her, then remembered his manners and stepped aside to let her in. She entered the room and then stopped when she saw Hudson at his feet.
"I see." She said primly. He hadn't even noticed the dog was there, wagging its tail and in full adoration mode looking up at him.
I must smell like dog chum...
Mr Kaplan ignored Hudson and turned back to Ressler. "How are you feeling?" She studied his face as she asked, then continued before he could even answer with his standard 'I'm fine' response. "Though I can see your eyes are no longer dilated. And you look more rested. Well done. I have another dose for you here."
Leaning down to her bag, she retrieved a pill bottle then handed one small pill to Ressler. He held it in his right hand, looking at it then clenched it in his fist and looked back at her.
Great. I'm replacing one habit with another.
"Remember, place it under your tongue and let it dissolve." She instructed, and he reluctantly did as she said, not happy with where this was going.
###
After Mr Kaplan had left, he began hunting up some different clothes to wear and was surprised to find his own clothes hanging in the closet, clean and pressed. Can't complain about the service at Hotel Red… He also found the blue blanket he'd had around him, freshly folded and clean. He sighed as memories flooded back of him sitting in that blanket. Sitting in the ambulance…and Liz approaching him with the pills.
Don't go there.
He exhaled heavily and looked down, seeing Hudson beside him looking expectantly up at him. "You want this…?" he softly asked the dog, "Well you can have it…" then placed the blanket on the floor by the bed. He smiled as Hudson immediately rearranged it then curled up on it. "Yeah, I agree, that's a much better use for it."
He took a quick shower and after dressing in the bathroom, he looked at himself in the mirror – and felt sick. Wearing the same clothes he'd worn in Sitka with all that had happened to him there was surreal. They're just clothes. Get over it. Telling himself that, he walked back into the bedroom to find Liz awake and folding up the blanket she'd used.
"You okay…?" she asked, and he hesitated a second before nodding.
"Yeah, just… nothing." He said, shaking it off.
"You feel like breakfast? Dembe just came by and said it's ready." She asked him, and smiled at his reaction as he screwed up his face and groaned at that.
"Just try, okay?" she prompted and he nodded, then followed her out of the room, hoping like hell he'd keep his breakfast down.
###
When Mr Kaplan knocked on his door the following morning, he let her in but he had questions ready. He'd sat up half the night unable to sleep and kept returning to the same conclusion. Taking pills to avoid taking pills was not going to cut it. He was done with that. He needed to stop…flopping about… and start being useful again. He needed to get back on his game.
Mr Kaplan knew none of that. She reached into her bag to retrieve his dose and gave him one pill. He took it from her, but did not place it in his mouth.
"I will leave the medication with Raymond, and he can choose how he wishes to dispense it to you each day." She told him, all businesslike this morning.
Yeah…about that…
"How long?" He asked her, wanting to know more about this medication. He'd been far too out of it the first night to really listen to her. "Because I feel like I'm just replacing one addiction with another, and…"
"A few weeks, maybe a few months. Until you will no longer feel the cravings to take more of your drug of choice and can safely taper off these." She answered sharply, interrupting him.
"What happens if I don't take them, now that I've…" Totally wigged out and gone cold turkey…
Again, she interrupted. "I would not advise that. You will need the assistance this medication gives you to help ease the cravings your brain will still have. You may feel better physically, but your brain will still crave the opiates."
He looked down at the woman silently. In the clear light of day he was fully aware it was these new meds that were making him feel better, but he couldn't take pills each day to stop him taking his drug. And even worse, now he'd need to go to his supplier …Red…to get them. That was too junkie-like for him. Too…street thug…
I'm still on the pill train…and I'm getting it off it right now.
She could see where he was going with this, and sighed. "I really would not advise an addict to come off these and try and do this themselves."
I need to handle this myself.
He nodded, not liking what he was hearing, but still looked at her squarely. "I understand. But I will keep this pill and if I need it I will take it and resume this treatment."
I am damn well going to do this without more drugs.
She looked at him, about to say something, then closed her mouth and grimaced as she spoke under her breath. "As obstinate as Raymond said you were."
"Thank you." He told her, giving her his half smile. Because right now, he needed to be obstinate. Right now he needed to be as stubborn as he could be – with himself.
And in reply, she gave him a look that he couldn't help but feel Liz would have been proud of (and would likely steal for her own collection). Shaking her head, she picked up her bag and moved to the door, which he opened for her.
He looked at the small woman. "I do thank you for helping me though. Honestly, I do." He told her quietly as she left, and she surprised him by turning back and placing her small hand on his chest. "You be careful, deary."
And she left, leaving him silently watching her walk away, her heels clipping on the tiled floor of the hallway.
###
As he stood in the open doorway, he looked across at Liz's room, then went and knocked on her door. Standing in the hallway he looked up and down it, wondering how anyone needed a house as big as this. And how the hell did Red end up house sitting places like this? Apparently everyone the man knew was ridiculously wealthy or… He suddenly decided the less he knew about Red's living arrangements, the better.
Liz opened the door and smiled at him, letting him in. Entering her room, he was greeted by a little brown, scruffy streak that then shadowed his every move.
"Hey, little dude." He said softly to the dog at his feet
"Seriously, what have you done to my dog?" she grinned, looking at how her dog abandoned her the second he saw Ressler.
"What can I say, I have a magnetic personality." He deadpanned, then followed her out to the balcony.
She resumed sitting at the table while she poured him a coffee as he sat down across from her. The balcony overlooked the back of the house, over the immense, perfectly manicured gardens.
He turned to her, sipping his coffee, which was thankfully sitting just fine on his stomach. "Liz, we need to get back to work. This…vacation, whatever.. is fine in theory, but we need to get back in." He looked at her over the rim of his cup. "I need to get back." he emphasized.
"Are you ready for that though?" she asked him, looking him up and down, assessing him. "You've had a rough time of it Ress…in so many ways. Why not give yourself a day or two more?" Her blue eyes looked into his and while they were no longer dark pools of despair, they were not his normal calm, cool blue. The eyes are the windows to the soul, she thought, and right now, his soul is battered and bruised…
"Listen, I was working before and feeling way worse than I do right now. Call Cooper and tell him our 'job' with Red is over and we're heading back later today." He wasn't good at just sitting around. And as if to prove that point, he stood and slowly paced around the large balcony, coffee cup in hand.
"Okay, if you're sure, I'll call him." She answered, hoping that was the right decision.
He approached her and leaned on the brick balustrade, putting his coffee cup beside him. She saw him struggle with something else before he began to speak.
"I told Mr Kaplan that I wasn't going to take her pills anymore…" He looked at her as she sighed and shook her head. "I know Liz, but I need to do this on my own. I need to know that I am the one who overcomes this." He ran his hand across the back of his neck, and stood up, looking out over the gardens.
"I understand that, but you just said you want to return to work. And what happens when the effect of these pills in your system wears off? Because you know it will, and you will be extremely vulnerable at that point." She said worriedly, picking up her coffee cup and coming to lean on the balcony beside him.
He looked sideways at her, seeing her turn to meet his eyes. "Then we'll find out how strong I really am, won't we?" He told her, and she shook her head in concern again.
"I don't like this at all. If you're not going to take Mr Kaplan's…rehab…then you're going to need help in another way. Like Dr… oh don't look at me like that..." He had rolled his eyes at her and grimaced, knowing full well she was going to say 'Dr Friedman'.
"I'm not doing that Liz. You know that. I have zero confidence in that woman to help me." He turned away, leaning his back on the balustrade again, sighing heavily. "Besides, I don't think she likes me." He added, trying to lighten up a little.
"I can't imagine why, you turn and run every time you see her." She smiled, knowing what he was doing as he turned and leaned his elbows on the balustrade again, leaning comfortably beside her.
"Oh, I'm not that bad, Liz." He smiled, looking down at the gardens. Below them they spotted Red coming out of the house, newspaper and cup of coffee in hand. But not in a mug like their coffees. His was in a civilized cup and saucer. As he sat at the outside table, he saw the two of them on the second floor balcony above him, and nodded in greeting before opening his newspaper.
Neither of them caught the small smile that crept across Red's features when he saw Donald looking much better this morning, and in company with Liz.
Ressler turned back to Liz. "So how long are we going to stay here…at Hotel Reddington? Because this is…kinda weird..."
And yet it also feels…safe...
Out of his own environment, this break was giving him time to take stock, to settle down and rethink things and contemplate where he went from here. Because Red was right about one thing. The thought of returning to his empty apartment alone, with all is memories and temptations was filling him with unease.
"I don't think he set a time frame. He's letting you decide that." She told him kindly, smiling at him.
"Okay, well I will need to get some clothes and stuff from my apartment though ready for work today…" He looked down, his eyes darting. He was fine with the idea of returning to work. It had always been where his heart lay. Where he needed to be to …escape… It was his apartment that he had problems in.
She caught the look and put her hand on his arm. "Then I will come with you while you do that, so you won't be alone there."
She nailed it… of course she did… He looked at her, and she caught the brief flicker of relief in his eyes.
"Thank you…" He looked ruefully at her. "For this, and for…Sitka…" He sighed and looked across at the gardens, trying not to think about what had happened to him in Alaska.
The memory of how broken he was in the back of the ambulance and the flight back came flooding back to her as she stood beside him with her hand on his arm. He wasn't trembling anymore. Wasn't shaking or cramping, as the physical need had worn off. But she was concerned. He was still an addict. The compulsion would still be there when Mr Kaplan's meds wore off.
And the crash would come, she knew that. He still needed help, even though he wanted to do it his way and overcome this by himself. But there was no way she was letting him do this on his own like he thought. She'd make it appear to him that he was doing it by himself – but she'd stand in the wings, watching and waiting.
Ready to catch him if he fell.