ET Chapter 20: It all crumbles down
Stupid.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. So fucking stupid.
Gabriella cupped the lukewarm water in her hands and splashed it onto her face, scrubbing her skin viciously like her life depended on it. Like it could somehow erase those humiliating five minutes.
Those stupid five minutes when she actually allowed herself to be completely undone. By a spineless, weak puppy dog.
So fucking stupid, she cursed herself, cupping another puddle of hot water and scrubbing her face so hard it would amaze her if she didn't look burnt by the time she was done.
After the last scrub, she wiped her face dry and looked into her reflection. Really looked into it. Physically, she looked okay. Sure, her eyes were bloodshot red, and there were traces of dry tears on her cheeks. But if one were standing a few feet away, not so wistful and a little clueless, they'd say she looked perfectly fine. That her walls were still intact; that a scrawny pup didn't tear her apart. That was she wasn't practically thrown into the pit of monsters.
Then something happened. The tears started again. She could feel her eyes burning from the horrible sense. God fucking damn it.
Taking in a shaky breath, Gabriella smacked the mirror so hard; she was surprised it didn't break. She searched through her bag for her Marlboro Reds and her lighter.
She tried lighting her cigarette, but her fucking lighter refused to cooperate, acting like a fucking bitch. She bit down hard on her bottom lip to keep herself steady. She could feel her emotions bouncing all over the place, colliding against her walls, against each other, making her feel like she was seconds away from exploding.
There is no fucking way I'm gonna cry, Gabriella thought. Not because of a stupid, fucking lighter that's being a pain in the ass.
After the hundredth try, she finally got a light. She sucked in her lit cigarette, inhaling as much as nicotine that her lungs would allow, then released a cloud of smoke out the window.
Behind her, she heard a startled gasp that took her level of pissed-ness to a whole new level. Slowly, she turned around, meeting the eyes of a mousy little freshman that picked the worst time to come to the restroom. The way her bright hazel eyes were widen, you'd think she caught her inhaling a blunt or doing a line on the window still.
"Didn't your momma ever tell you it's rude to fucking stare!?" Despite the sweet smile Gabriella plastered onto her face, the anger and sharp venom in her voice was frightening to say the least. Without a word, the younger girl fled.
Idiot, she thought as she rolled her eyes, grabbing her bag and walking into the handicap-stall. She took a seat on the window still and cracked open the window a bit wider. She took another hit of her cigarette, her eyes focused on the dull green, graffiti walls, looking but not really seeing it, her mind miles away.
She couldn't understand how the hell she could have let this happen. She couldn't believe she actually allowed Bolton to break her like that. She couldn't believe she actually fucking cried in front of him, cried like she was some pathetic little girl that needed rescuing.
A small, twisted smile spread across her face as she took in another drag.
Dear Lord knows there was no point in anyone, even Javier, attempting to rescue her. She was beyond saving.
She could feel the tears resurfacing. She distracted herself by taking long drags of her cigarette and fixing her hair with her hand.
I never should have come here, she thought. Forget missing her flight; she should have dodged out of Madame's place the second she saw her long-lost brother at the doorstep. She should have sneaked out the back way when they were at the train station. Or-even better-go to the bathroom and sneak out the window.
Just because Javier, some tight-wad judge, and the system believed that moving her here was the best thing for her doesn't mean it's true. None of them knew what was best for her. None of those asses knew shit.
Sticking hard on cigarette, she gazed out into the window, releasing another stream of smoke. She saw small traces of blue peeking out of the thick cloudy gray.
Blue that was in a deep shaded color. Deep blue; blue that reminded her of the ocean. The beautiful, ocean blue that reminded her of the Pacific Ocean. The Pacific Ocean that was in California, her ideal escapade. A place she always wanted to where she could just easily disappear into, where no one would be able to find her.
It's not too late, a voice whispered. It's not too late to ditch. After all Javier did it. Why not you?
She could always leave. Just because her brother and social services believed that staying in Albuquerque was what she needed to didn't mean she had to. It was a stupid order anyway, and she wasn't one to follow stupid orders. She could ditch school right now. Go back to Javier's and pack everything she could in her duffle. Gather up all her savings and loose change. Book her flight to California and hide out until it was time for her departure. And figure out where to go from there the second her feet touched Californian soil.
Might not be an excellent, thought-through plan. But it was still a plan, and a good one. A plan that was looking better and better the more she thought about it.
She could do it.
She could get together all her money.
She could pack all the things absolutely needed.
It wasn't like Albuquerque was going to turn upside down with her gone.
Rob was cool, but there would always be tons of girls keeping his company and his bed warm.
As for Anita and Javier? They already had their hands fill with their mountain of bills, their busy schedules, and Paco and baby number two.
She was actually doing them a favor. With her gone, the young parents would have one less thing to worry about. One less mouth to feed. One less body to take care of.
Sure Anita would be hurt. And little Paco would miss her. And her brother-God, she didn't even want to think about that.
He was hoping her stay would magically fix things, but there were some things that can't be fixed.
She could do this.
She could really do this.
But…
That evil, dreaded, pain-in-the-ass fucking BUT. It was always there to complicate everything, rain down on the good-day parade. And right then, it was clouding around her good plan.
But… there were ticks to her plan.
Like the fact her social worker, Ms. Tooty-Snotty, would inform the court of her disappearance and drag her ass back.
Her social worker could pin-point her running away as a sign of rebellion. Or take it one step further and take it as a sign of her running from an unsafe place, stirring questions of Javier's and Anita's treatment of her. Hell, maybe raise questions on how they treat their son.
Good God, there could be a chance Paco could get taken away, placed in the shitty foster home, and it'd be all her fault.
She couldn't let that happen to him, not to her precious one. There were too many assholes in the foster homes that take strays in to make a quick buck. She refused to have her nephew be a greedy bastard's cash cow.
As much as she hated it-and she did so with all her heart-she couldn't ignore what could possibly happen to her…family if she left. Shit could go down. Shit that would make things worse.
Gabriella took an angry hit of her cigarette, cursing.
She hated this; she really hated this. The whole situation was completely fucked-up. But as much as she hated this place, she couldn't leave. Things were shitty enough as it already was, and she didn't want to make it worse.
She inhaled the cigarette slowly as she thought things through, releasing the cloud of smoke.
Things were shitty. Completely shitty. But she dealt with shitty. She did so for a good majority of her life. No matter how shitty things got, she always pulled through. So there was no reason for her to admit defeat just yet.
Taking one last hit of her cigarette, Gabriella tossed the snub into the toilet, flushing it down with her boot's heel.
She had to stay.
She had to. For the sake of her "extended family" For herself.
Should shit get in her way, and most likely will, she'll push through it.
She came out from the stall and splashed a handful of cold water onto her face. After she dried her face with a paper towel, she checked her reflection one last time, searching for any kinks, and found that she looked fine. Calm, cool and in control.
Satisfied, she nodded to herself, ran her hand though her hair one more time, and left the restroom.
It was the sight of the school secretary that caused the noise in Creative Literature to decease significantly.
It was the sight of the men in blue that caused chatter and commotion in Creative Literature to come to an abrupt halt.
The bright-red, curly-haired women spent a good two minutes biting her nails nervously before walking over to Mr. Cummings and talking to him in hush-hush tones. Overweight, gut-bulging officers one and two were trying to intimidate the class with their serious, no-nonsense expressions and their dark glares.
Everyone else looked like they were close to pissing in their pants, unable to withstand the harsh glares. Everyone except Gabriella. Harsh glares were a common thing she was used to, in both her old school and house. What she did find odd, though, that was that those harsh, dark glares seemed to be laser-beam right at her.
What the hell? She thought.
The red-head Shirley Temple took a step away from the teacher and brushed back a loose red curl, looking very much uncomfortable. Like she was asked to complete a task she didn't find particularly pleasant.
"Miss Montez," Almost every head whipped toward her direction in unison. A sight that would have been almost comical if not for the troubled looks in the teachers' faces. "Mr. Matsui would like to see you in his office. Immediately."
It was funny; the way the secretary said it so tentatively like it was an invitation she should strongly consider when it clear that it wasn't a request. It was more like a summon.
She was never gladder to have her black shades, which gave off the impression of complete indifference, as if she couldn't care less about the Principal's "request" Not that she did, because she totally didn't. And while she could easily mask her face into an expressionless mask, her shades gave her that little something extra.
She grabbed her things together and didn't even wait for security to lead the way. She was already on her way to the office.
There was a bunch of people out in the halls, witnesses to her summon. All of them gaping, whispering, and taking pictures of her march to execution or texting their friends the details.
She ignored them all. It was nothing after. They were nothing; nothing but vultures that were hungry for reactions. Hungry for tears, fear, humiliation, and, everyone's favorite, tears. Too bad they weren't getting any.
She kept her shades down and her face cool as Po-Po one opened the door for her, revealing the stone-hard glares that came from the principal. Her face didn't break for a second when she saw her brother was also invited to the party. She didn't even flinch when she saw her deeply reddened, far-from-pleased, extremely pissed social worker, Ms. "Tweety" Teeter.
Tweety was a nickname Gabriella given the woman, thanks to her excessive use of the color yellow. Everything on her was a bright, blinding shade of yellow from her yellow suits, yellow high-heels, even her blonde hair that looked more like a fake blond than a natural blond, despite the countless times the woman said otherwise. The woman didn't also help herself by being a notorious gossiper that didn't know when to put a sock in it.
"Glad to see you were able to make time from your busy schedule of saving poor orphans and being a fertile godmother for little, ole me, Ms. Tweety." Gabriella said. She took a seat at the empty chair that was laid in front of Matsui's desk.
She didn't need to turn around to know she was pushing the woman's buttons. She could hear her nasty, yellow-teeth cracking from the hard teeth-grinding.
Po-Po one locked the door behind them, leaning against it with his arms crossed. Po-Po two stood beside the principal, looking like he was ready to defend the short Asian man if things got hectic.
Just as it was in the classroom, everyone's eyes were all on Gabriella, glaring hard, waiting for some sort of reaction. Any sort of reaction.
Keeping her face neutral, Gabriella made herself comfortable in the stiff, red plastic chair, crossing her legs and arms, leaning back, titling her head slightly as she looked up at the Principal.
Without a word, Principal Matsui pulled something from his desk, laid it on his desk, and, using two fingers, pushed it toward Gabriella. It was a bag filled with drugs: a couple of pills-ecstasy she had to guess-a half-lit joint and a small scarp of weed, and a pouch of cocaine.
What the fuck? Gabriella thought, her eyes narrowing. She drew her eyes away from the bag, up to the Principal's suspicious eyes. He looked at her as if she had some kind of explanation.
"Ms. Cather received a note saying there was some suspicious activity that's been going on in the school. Suspicious activity that was being held in your locker, Ms. Montez, which was where we found these," Giving the bag another nudge toward her, he said "On the top shelve, in plain sight."
"Is there anything you'd like to say?" said Po-Po one who was giving her what he probably thought was his best Samuel L Jackson-like badass, motherfucker glare.
"Those aren't mine," was all she had to say.
The security guard snorted. Most likely he heard those words more times than he could count. Principal Matsui, however, wasn't so amused. He looked ten times more pissed. "Tell me the truth, Ms. Montez."
"Fine," Shit-head wanted the truth. She was going to give the truth. Sitting up straight in her seat, she looked right into the man's eyes, hoping her words would get through his thick skull. "Either you must be incredibly deaf or gullible. And given current circumstances, I'm leaning more on the second one."
Tweety gasped, stunned by her straight-forward bluntness. Javier looked like he wanted to strangle her.
Ignoring them both, Gabriella continued on, saying "Because I don't deal drugs. And I sure as hell don't do them."
Okay, so maybe the last part wasn't completely accurate, but it was true in a way. Sure, she did pot every once in awhile, but that was all she did. After seeing and experiencing the effects hard-core drugs, such as coke and heroin, had on Maria, she made a promise to herself she wasn't going to fell under their spell.
"They were found in your locker!" stated door-guarding, Officer Obvious.
Gabriella rolled her eyes at him. "And considering the fact I've never seen this bag until now and the fact I don't deal, then that must be that I'm being framed."
"By whom?" he fired back.
Damn, that was a good question. It was clear that almost every Wildcat at the school was intimated by her, but there were two people who weren't overly fond of her presence: McKessie and Homes, along with her band of bimbos. She had been on McKessie's hit list the moment she raised her hand in Anatomy and told teacher the girl had mixed up two key concepts of the brain's functions. An action that didn't go unnoticed by the reigning Queen of Knowledge. Then again, Homes made it clear she was going to start war with the Latina if she didn't bow down to her "awesome might," which was never going to happen. And bimbo one and two were all too eager to fulfill their queen bee's wishes. Any of them could have planted the drugs in her locker to get even with her. "Don't know, but I sure as hell am going to kick their ass when I find out."
"Language, young lady!" Ms. Tweety scolded. "You shouldn't be blaming others for your poor decisions."
No, you can blame your shitty words for the fat lip I'm going to give you if you don't put a fucking sock in it. Gabriella had to clench her fists to keep herself from fulfilling the deed.
Mr. Matsui cleared his throat to break the fragile silence. He stood up from his desk and said "Miss Montez, though I don't support what you've chosen as...an extracurricular activity, I understand where you're coming from. I mean, given your unfortunate background and what both you and your brother had to put up with, it's understandable that you're bound to follow certain, lack for a better word, pattern."
Is he serious? Is he actually fucking serious? Gabriella was flabbergasted. It was one of the few words she'd used, but right now, this moment practically was a flabber-fucking-gasting moment. This idiot actually thought she was dealing drugs in his school. And all because of her sad, little former life with her oh, so charming mother. She wondered if he took a strong hit of crack and his brain was in a drug-infected haze.
"Even if that were the case," Ms. Teeter objected. She didn't like someone actually believing there could be reasons behind Gabriella's attitude. Well, to most people it was attitude. To Gabriella, her "attitude" was pure awesomeness. "It still doesn't excuse her choices or her actions." Shifting her judging, dislike-glinted eyes from Gabriella to Javier, she made a horribly sour face, as if she bitten into something sourer than a lemon. "I knew this was a mistake. I never should have let you be her guardian. I mean, you can barely hand down your own home with that-that-women and child of yours." She spat the words with such disdain, like they made her ill. "What on earth gave you the impression you can handle this-this-sassy, fresh-mouth, wild child?"
Alrighty then. Fuck trying to keep her temper down. The bitch was going to get smacked. "Listen here you nasal-toned, uptight, narrow-minded bitch-"
"Enough!" Mr. Matsui shouted. For a soft-spoken guy, he could really roar.
Ms. Teeter quickly retrieved from her bright-yellow pocketbook and opened a wide folder that Gabriella had a good feeling was hers. Flashing open to a page, she scribbled like mad, saying "You better believe this stunt will be going down in your permanent records, missy."
Her permanent records?! What the fucking hell? This couldn't be happening. This seriously couldn't be happening to her.
But watching the pen run across the pages and seeing the mixed fury and shame in her brother's eyes alerted Gabriella of the reality. This was reality. This was really happening to her. She turned to the principal, who was her last chance of not getting fucked.
"I'm being framed!" she pleaded. She was ashamed that she was, but you know what they say. Desperate times, desperate measures. "Think about it. I turn in the Mean Girls for harassing a freshman. Then the day they come back to school, I'm busted for drug possession. Open your eyes, Matsui. Really, really open them. It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together."
The principal looked torn, unsure of which side he should take. The side that was obvious or the one that was possible. Biting his lip, he took a full two minutes to think. Sighing he glanced at everyone, starting with the security guards, Javier, Ms. Teeter, and finally Gabriella. He looked at her for the longest, as if he was searching for the answer. He sighed again, sounding exhausted. "Though you brought up a very interesting point, Miss Montez, it seems more so like a theory. And with theories, you need evidence to back them up. So while we investigate this case, you will be suspended until further notice."
Suspended! It wasn't as if she was new to the punishment. Back at LaGuardia, she received more than occasionally time off school punishment whenever the principal felt like detentions weren't enough for her. Those punishments were given because someone had a problem with her barely-there filter, straight-forwardness, her attitude, or her special tacit toward people that would say or start shit with her. It was a special tacit that usually involved her foot or fist, and that someone with a fresh bruise that was bound to last for a good week. But this time it was different. This time she was being punished for something she had absolutely no part in.
"Bullshit!" she shouted.
"Gabriella!" her brother warned, using that threatening voice that let her know she was only digging herself into a bigger hole. But she was too angry-correction-furious to give a flying fuck.
"I didn't do anything!" she yelled, emphasizing on didn't.
If things weren't already fucked up enough, the principal decided to make matters much worse. He looked at her with such pity, it was sickening. He was lucky she had a strong stomach or she would have puked on his desk. He was even luckier that were witnesses around, otherwise she would knock that sickening pity off his face. "I'm sorry, Miss Montez, but it's out of my hands."
Out my hands, my fucking ass!
It was official. Today truly was a pure, shit-filled day.
First she had to deal with the Mean Girls, McKessie, and Bolton. Then she was forced to actually to engage in a conversation with the idiot, a conversation that ended up with her getting kiss-Ugh. Remembering that kiss just made her stomach churned for the seventeenth time today. And to bring it all home, she had to deal with a worried Anita who got back from work early, a very pissed off Javier, and a very annoying Tweety in Javier's apartment.
Dear God, just put me out of my misery, Gabriella thought. At this point, death would be so much sweeter and nicer than having to be part of this very tense, awfully awkward meeting.
The whole time Tweety has been here, she had done nothing but act like a bitch. The way her face scrunched up the second she stepped into the apartment, taking in the cramp space and the bits of clutter that lay around, was horrible, as if she was scared that she'd be infected with some kind of disease if she touched anything. The dirty looks she gave them whenever they so much as talked let Gabriella know how much she "liked" them. The disapproving, very nasty looks she shot at Paco whenever he made a sound made Gabriella think of the many ways she'd torture this woman.
With shoving her face into a wastebasket full of dirty diapers being at the top of her list.
"I thought you said you would have things under control. You assured me that things would be under control," Ms. Teeter snarled at Javier. "But seeing the ways things are, clearly you don't have things under control."
"I did and I do," Javier tried to assure the woman, but Ms. Teeter didn't look convinced. "You have to understand that we're all dealing with certain changes in the family. Delicate circumstances if you will."
Making an unintelligent sound under her breath, Ms. Teeter's squinty eyes traveled over to Anita, who was feeding Paco mashed apples. Her eyes narrowed coldly when they landed on the baby, and turned degrees colder as they took notice of the slight bump that was seen through Anita's remarkably tight waitress uniform. "It seems like you're soon going to have another delicate circumstance threw into this circus you call a home."
The glare Anita gave the woman was hot enough to melt skin from the body. A hard glare that easily could have morphed into a nasty punch if Javier didn't quickly intervene. He took Paco into his arms and pulled her aside.
Gabriella knew she was in deep shit. She'd have to be a complete idiot not to realize that. She knew the last thing any of them wanted was hearing her infamous sassy mouth. But she wasn't one to just sit back and be silent when an outsider was making nasty comments about her family.
"Is that bitterness I hear or woe-some regret," Gabriella said, unfazed by the pair of the eyes that drew to her. "Seems like somebody's a little upset because she waited too long." She pouted; enjoying the growling vibrating through the woman's tightly clenched jaw. "What's matter, Tweety? Decide to be a good girl and wait till marriage? Thought your prince charming would deflower you on a rose-petal floor on your honeymoon night?" Shaking her head, Gabriella clicked her tongue distastefully. "And to think you're now at the age where you should be surrounded by your great grandchildren but you're all alone. It must really suck being an ancient virgin."
"Gabriella!" her brother exclaimed. He was close to the peak of his anger.
Anita was stunned into silence. Old Tweety looked like she wanted to strangle the girl with her bare hands. It was only Paco who had a sense of humor, chuckling at her comment.
"I should have known you'd be nothing but trouble," Ms. Teeter growled angrily, blood rushing to her pale face, foam practically smeared around her lips, looking like a rabid dog that was ready to bite. "Like mother, like daughter."
Okay…there was no way in hell she just went there.
"Listen here you judgmental, bitter as coffee, Big-Bird looking, piece of shit-"
"GABRIELLA!" It wasn't until she heard her name did she realize how close she was to her social worker. How tight her right fist was. How close that fist came to being used against the old bat's jaw.
"You must be pretty damn stupid or incredibly old and batty," Ignoring the angry flush that colored the woman, Gabriella marched on. "But if you fucking dare make another comparison between me and that slut, I'll rip that nasty tongue from your throat and-"
"GABRIELLA!" her brother was practically yelling. She bit her tongue hard, nearly drawing out blood, in order to keep down the nasty comment that was trying to come out. Silently, she gave Tweety a glare that was equally as nasty.
A very nasty, hard glare that was too similar to the one Javier was giving her. After glaring at his sister for a few moments longer, he turned over to Miss Teeter. "I know things look bad, Ma'am, but I can assure you I am on top of things."
"Given the current situation we were in, it doesn't look like you do have things under control, Mr. Montez," she remarked. "In fact it seems like quite the opposite. And things don't look just bad. They look horrible." Turning her judging eyes over to Gabriella, she said "Do you not realize how serious this is? Possessing illegal substances on school grounds? Selling them to your classmates?"
"For the last fucking last time those drugs aren't mine!" Gabriella snapped.
"Really? Because from where I'm standing-"
"I don't give a hot, wet monkey's fucking vagina where you stand!" Gabriella roared. "You're as blind as a goddamn bat anyway."
"Gabriella!" If Javier wasn't screaming before, he sure was now. Too bad she was too pissed off to give a fuck.
"All of you are goddamn blind and dumb as fuck if you actually think that I had anything to do with those crap some idiot decided to plant in my locker," Gabriella said. She looked hard into her social worker's squinty, grayish-blue eyes, hoping her words would get through her thick head. "Miss Teeter, you were assigned my case that night on October twentieth. You know what went down and the reasons that caused the incident to happen in the first place. So please in the name of all that's good will you think? Really, really think. Does it make any sense-any sense at all-for a daughter of a crack-head hooker to be experiencing or dealing crack herself? Does it?"
For a second, just a split second, Tweety looked like she was actually hearing her. Not only hearing her, but thinking. Actually using that brain of hers and thinking things through. In that split second, Gabriella felt a small bit of hope. Hope that was murdered in an instant as a dark, stubborn glaze hardened the woman's eyes, shutting out that possibility. She put on a face that was disgustedly sympathetic, most likely the same she used for every other orphan begging her to hear their side of the story. "Sometimes, Miss Montez, we try. We try so hard to avoid the very people we loathe and hurt us. But sometimes we realize a bit too late that we become those very same people."
Become those very same people. Meaning she was becoming more like Maria. That was two fucking Maria comparisons in one day.
Miss Teeter took Gabriella's silence as an invitation to continue speaking. She looked at the younger girl with such pity, as if she were some sort of beaten puppy. She actually had the nerve to touch her, placing her hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "I know it's hard to hear, but it is the truth. Sometimes, Miss Montez, with special cases kids can be more like their parents than they think. You know what they say? The apple doesn't fall far from the-"
Quick as a rattlesnake, Gabriella stuck the woman, nearly smacking her head right off her shoulders.
"You fucking little bitch!" Anita quickly stepped in, pulling Gabriella away from Miss Teeter before she could do more damage to the woman.
The fury that reddened Miss Teeter's face was almost as bright as the red handprint on her left cheek. "You can bet I'll have this written down in your record, missy!"
"And you can bet that I'll kick your ass to the next county if you-"
"Let me show you the door!" Javier announced loudly, directing Miss Teeter to the door, nodding his head to her threats of having the court review this case, possibly pressing charges, and filling out an extensive compliant of this visit.
"Wonderful to see you again, Miss Teeter. Always a pleasure." He practically shoved the woman out the door, locking the door. Slowly he turned around and the look he gave his sister was, in a word, fierce.
Anita wisely picked that moment to put Paco to sleep, leaving the two Montez siblings to deal with their issues.
The brother and sister were locked in a fierce glaring contest; their eyes narrowed and blazed neither sibling ready to back down.
Placing a hand to his face, Javier was the first to break, looking away and letting out a deep breath. When his eyes returned back to his sister's, the fury blazing in them didn't extinguish. It grew hotter. "What the fuck did you do?"
"I didn't do shit-" Gabriella said.
"Don't give me that "'no shit'" bull-crap, Gabriella!" her brother all but yelled. "Seeing that you were called to the principal's office, the police made their wonderful appearance, and your oh, so charming social worker decided to pay a visit, I'd say you did a shitload"
"I told you I didn't do shit-" Her brother cut through her words.
"The hell you didn't fucking shit!" he shouted. "You actually slapped Miss Teeter. You actually slapped your fucking social worker. Do you not realize how much shit you brought upon yourself?"
"That snotty, know-it-all bitch deserved a hell lot more than a slap," Gabriella argued. Maybe she jumped the gun a bit too early, but she sure as hell didn't regret it. She was happy she slapped her. Her only regret was what it wasn't a punch. "Sitting there, talking shit about me, you, Anita, Paco, and the baby. Just because you wanna sit back and act quietly doesn't mean I will."
"Really?" A dark brow rose. His stare was incredulous. "Is that the same reason you're going to use to explain the facts drugs were found in your locker?"
Gabriella was ready to speak, to say that those gas fumes were finally getting to her brother's head. Then she was silenced by the horrible, disbelieving look in Javier's eyes that made her feel queasy, upsetting her stomach. That utterly shameful, disbelieving look that made her feel like she was suffering through a hangover and her stomach was readying to upchuck.
"How could you be so stupid? How in the name of God could you let yourself get mixed up in shit like-"
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" she demanded. She wasn't pissed anymore. She was outraged. It was one thing for the shitheads in Albuquerque to think she was messing around with drugs. But Javier? Her own brother? The brother that read to her every night when she was little. The brother that made the holidays and birthdays a little bit brighter by getting her favorite Disney dolls. The brother who taught her how to read, taught her how to tie her shoes, and taught her how to defend herself.
But then again should she really be surprised? Javier was quick to jump to conclusions lately when it came to her. He was on her ass the first day of school. He practically gave himself a heart attack because she forgot to leave a note when she met Bolton for rehearsal. Why wouldn't he believe that his sister was doing drugs and making some money off it?
She had to wait for her brain, as well her stomach, to process the words. She pulled her shades back, revealing her dark eyes to Javier, looking him in the eye. "You really," she said. "actually believe that after everything you and me dealt with growing up, after that shit that went down in October-" She had to take in deep, slow breathes in order to calm herself down and continue. It was the only way she could move past the disturbing moments flashing through her head of that horrible night. "That after everything that bitch did, I'd do something like that? Is that what you honestly think?"
Javier didn't answer her. He instead looked at her, really looked at her. Looked long and deep into her eyes as if he was memorizing every feature into memory. As if there might be a chance that he could find a trace of the little Ella he raised in the unfamiliar young woman that stood in front of him.
She realized, with a sharp tug of her heart, it was the same way he looked when he walked into Madame's apartment. The first time he saw his little sister in almost eight years. She hated that look then as she did now.
"Javi?" she said softly, her voice suddenly tentative and closed to choked up. She took a step closer to him, but stopped as he held out his hand, stopping her.
"I…" He sighed, turning his head away. He ran a hand through his hair. "I…I-I want to believe you-"
"What!" Want? He wanted to believe her. Wanting and believing weren't the same thing. They might as well be two different planets.
"Ella, I-" He stopped himself short, running a hand through his face, sighing deeply. "What do you expect me to do?"
What did she expect him to do? Oh my dear-was he serious? Was he actually serious? "What do I expect you to do?" she repeated. "I expect you to trust me. I expect you to defend your family when some bitch decides to talk shit. I expect you to have my fucking back. I expect you to believe your own goddamn sister when she's telling the truth."
"IF ONLY I COULD!" Javier screamed. Gabriella took a step back away from him; his words like a hot, searing fist squeezing her heart slowly. "I want to believe you. I want to so badly, Gabriella, but how can I?" Sighing again, he looked like he was the one with his back to the wall, defeated and tired. "How can I when I don't even know my own sister anymore?"
Ka-boom.
There it was. That was the breaking point, completing one of the most completely shit-filled days of her life. Those very words.
Words that cut through her heart like thousands of daggers, slicing it into pieces, causing it to painfully bleed out.
Words that caused her fury to burst from its peak.
"AND WHOSE FUCKING FAULT IS THAT?!" Gabriella screamed. She screamed so loudly that Paco was crying and there was banging from both sides of the wall.
"Would it kill you to lower your-"
"You wanna talk, Javi? Let's talk. Let's talk about the reason why there's so much tension between you and me. Let's talk about why you don't seem to know little Ella anymore. Let's talk about the fact that although we made plans on leaving that hell-hole together, you walked out on me. Let's talk about you fucking leaving me!"
This time Javier was the one that took a step back. He looked so stunned; it was as if he was slapped across the face.
Weren't expecting that one, were you, fucker? Though the shock on her brother's face was refreshing from his anger, it was nowhere near as satisfying as she thought it would be. Nowhere near close.
"Ella," he said her name in a sad sigh, having some decency to look down.
"You know what's funny?" Gabriella asked him, her eyes burning with tears, a miserable smile spreading across her quivering lips. "It was bad enough that you left me. Breaking your promise to me was a real punch in the gut. But the real fucking kicker is how you didn't have the fucking balls to tell me goodbye. You just dropped me off at school and left right after that. You didn't even leave a fucking note, Javier!"
"Ella-"
"And during your eight-year hiatus, while you were enjoying your carefree life, I was rotting in hell. Getting the crap beaten me out of me on a daily basis, trying to keep a damn roof over our heads, and getting harassed-" She stopped herself short, feeling a sob rising up her windpipe, nearly choking her. She took a deep breath and forced herself to continue "Harassed and then some by Maria's scumbags, her asshole pimp, and Carlos. And all that time finding it so freaking funny that my dear brother couldn't take time away from his busy schedule to call his sister. Or write me a stinking letter explaining yourself."
"Ella, I-"
"DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT!" Gabriella screamed at the top of her lungs. She didn't feel like the emotionally-detached, calm and cool Montez that walked out the apartment this morning. She felt like an emotional-fueled volcano ready to explode.
Her walls were breaking down, getting smashed in by the memories that hit her hard like fists of steel. The memories, the broken promise, the jerk-offs, her mother-all of it was coming back, rushing to the surface, drowning her in its infinite depth.
DO NOT CRY! Yet no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake the feeling. She couldn't stop her lips from shaking. She couldn't stop her eyes from burning. She couldn't stop the tears from building up inside. She couldn't stop the lump that was growing in her throat, slowly cutting off her air circulation.
Gabriella looked up at her brother and was surprised by the tears that filled his eyes. He looked tortured, hurt. Pained as if her words were multiple slaps to his face.
Seeing that way infuriated her. He had no fucking right to look that way, much less feel it. She was one that had to find ways to sneak past the dragon lady whenever there was no place to hide. She was the one who resorted to leaving her money behind in her locker at the dance studio so Maria's greedy hands couldn't get it. She was the one that had to deal with the late-night creeps that would crawl through her locked door and try to have fun with Temptress' little girl.
She remembered that one incident that happened when she was only eleven. An incident that occurred shortly after Javier left. An incident that involved a passed out Maria, an unlocked door, and a drunken bastard who couldn't tell the difference between the two.
She remembered that night all too perfectly. A pair of rough, chapped lips suddenly attacking her face with his wet, sloppy kisses. Rough, clumsy hands holding her down as she struggled, running all over her body, touching her all over. Touching her in places where an eleven year old shouldn't be touched.
Stop it! She commanded herself. She had to push images away. She had to push the blackness that clouded her vision. She had to push it all back before she really lost it.
She found herself laughing under her breath. It was a far cry from the usual warm, friendly laugh. It was cold and taunting. She laughed so hard that she had to, tears ran down her face.
"Ella?" He took a step forward. A step forward that soon became a step back when she lifted her head up and he was greeted by her sharp smile that matched the sharpness in her eyes.
"You have no idea, Javi," she said so sweetly with such much venom in her voice. "You really have no friggering idea what the hell I went through."
"Ella-" He put a hand to her shoulder, and that hand was nearly knocked right off his wrist by Gabriella's hard slap.
"You know what, Javi? Maria was right," Gabriella let out a breath of disbelieving, cold laughter as she ran a hand through her hair. "She was actually right for once in her life. You're just like your asshole father. Two sides of the same fucking coin."
She could tell by the malicious flare in that flashed in his eyes, she was crossing into dangerous territory. But she didn't care. She was going to cross them. "You're just as much as a worthless asshole as he was. After all we are Montezes, and we're known for never staying too long whenever the fun's over. I bet when Anita told you she was pregnant, the first thought that came to mind was much time do I have to escape. How quick can I ditch her and it?"
Javier took a step closer to her, his eyes fired with terrifying fury. "I suggest you shut that mouth of yours before someone does it for you."
"Or what?" Gabriella challenged. "What the fuck are you going to do? Smother me with brotherly love?"
"I'm warning you, Gabriella-"
"You know what? Maybe you had a better idea. Maybe you decided you weren't going to bail quickly this time. Maybe you thought she was a fine piece of ass you wanted to fuck some more. And while you fucked her, you can make her think that you honestly care about her. That you care and will always be there for her."
"If you don't shut your mouth in the next five seconds-"
"No, you thought the perfect time to ditch her was after she gave birth. What's the perfect time to ditch her after she brings your kid into the world and you're long gone? That would be such a fucking kick-"
Before she finished the sentence, her head whipped to the other side, her cheek throbbing in pain and her glasses falling to the ground.
In that moment, it was as if she were caught in a vacuum, where everything was both loud and quiet at the same time. She could hear her heart beating loudly beneath her chest in a slow rhythm. She could hear her breathing, slow and shallow. She could hear Anita yelling Javier's name, but she sounded so far away, as if she were on the phone and the signal was faint.
In that moment, all she saw was her brother. Her brother holding her tight and promising her that everything will work out. Her brother playing dolls with her, using his special Disney voice for the boys. Her brother caring for her. Her brother protecting her. Her brother….slapping her.
"Gabriella? Gabriella?" Slowly her tear-blurred eyes looked up from her fallen glasses to her brother, who looked stunned by what he had just done. Shocked that he could do such a thing. "Gabriella, I didn't mean-"
"I think you did enough, Javi." Anita quickly pushed him back. She looked just as shocked as Javier felt. She turned back to Gabriella, a concerned look in her eyes, worrying about her reaction.
Gabriella felt like saying to the girl there was no need for her to worry. She didn't feel anything. She felt so far away and numb, as if the emotions that were moments ago were smacked out of her by Javier's slap.
"Gabriella, I didn't mean," her brother begged. "I didn't mean it. I was angry. You know I'd never do anything like that-"
With an unreadable expression on her face, her eyes blank yet somehow focused, she said only three words to her "I hate you!"
She spoke the words so softly, it was inaudible. Yet each one was packed with such sharp, fiery venom. Her brother flinched as if he was punched in the gut, and Gabriella took that as her cue to fled, ignoring the bastard calling her name and slamming her door hard. With her back against the wall, she took in quick, staggering breaths, trying to herself together.
Don't cry, she told herself. Don't cry.
The more she repeated the chant, the more her numb body slide down against the door. The more her body slide, the more walls crumbled.
She tried to keep herself together. She tried not to think. She tried not to make herself weak, but it was too much. Bolton beating down her walls. Making her recall memories she'd rather forget. Confusing her with that stupid, fucking kiss that unraveled her. An asshole planting drugs in her locker. Getting suspended from school. Having not just one but two comparisons to that she-devil whore who made her life a living, breathing hell. Her brother refusing to believe her. Her brother slapping her.
Don't….before she could finish the thought, a hot tear leaked from her eyes and ran down her cheek. A hot, salty tear that was soon followed by another, and another. And another. Until her eyes were gushing tears and she was drowning in them.
Cry.
The last remaining piece of her wall crumbled like a sandcastle getting washed away. She had no protection, no way to fend off the demons that came out to play.
So she did the one thing she hadn't done in a long time.
She brought her knees up, wrapped her legs around them, and wept. Not cry, not sob. But wept, feeling so small and helpless.
HEY GUYS SORRY IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE UPDATED. COLLEGE HAS BEEN DRIVING ME UP THE WALL. BUT YOU GUYS ARE SUCH AWESOME READERS THAT I DECIDED TO GIVE YOU A CHRISTMAS TREAT. FORGIVE ME THOUGH IF IT WASN'T OVERLY JOLLY. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO GABRIELLA, WE CAN'T ALWAYS EXPECT SUCH A THING.
I WISH EVERY ONE OF YOU A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS ;D