I loved Episode 2x07 – we finally got the first real glimpse of Keenler! But before I get to that wonderful scene with them fleeing the hospital, I wanted to set the scene with what I think 'should' have happened (or at least what I can imagine happened) when Ressler returned to work after Sitka and Red's 'mission'.

Ressler estimated they had been back in the Post Office 43 seconds before Cooper appeared on the railing above them, calling both of them to his office.

Here we go…

Each carrying the bag they'd taken to Alaska, Liz called up to their boss. "Yes sir, we'll just put our gear up and…" she didn't get to finish her sentence.

"Now, Agent Keen. Bring your bags with you." Cooper insisted before turning on his cane and walking back to his office.

They shared a glance, before Liz stepped onto the stairs with Ressler close behind. Entering Cooper's office, he motioned to them to sit, then began before they'd barely got settled.

"I trust your…mission…with Reddington was successful?" He said it as a statement more than a question. Ressler resisted the urge to glance at Liz. Liz did likewise and kept her eyes on Cooper.

"Yes sir." They said in unison, which suddenly struck Ressler as funny and for a second he suppressed the urge to smile at their joint effort to appear 'normal' in front of their boss.

No, that didn't look suspicious. Not at all.

Cooper was no fool. He put his pen on the desk and leaned back in his chair, looking at his two subordinates. "Reddington made it clear that this was something outside the Bureau that he required your services on. He reminded me…in no uncertain terms…that this was to be expected under the terms of his…alliance…with us from time to time." He looked at each of them, seeing no reaction and leaned forward. "Do either of you care to share what went down on this…mission?"

"No sir." They both chimed in together, and this time Ressler was so sure he was going to smile that he quickly squeezed his broken thumb to stop himself. And he really wasn't sure why he found it humorous.

Must be the 'dope that's not dope'.

Cooper regarded each of them, narrowing his eyes. "I see. Then I suggest you get back to work." Each of them rose quickly – too quickly – from their chairs and grabbed their bags.

"Agent Ressler. A moment please." said Cooper as he and Liz turned to leave the Assistant Director's office.

Their backs to their boss, Ressler froze for a second as he shot a side glance at Liz. She looked at him a split second, then left the Directors office. Ressler turned back to his boss, his face the expressionless mask that he'd perfected. The one he could paint on, given a second or two, that hid the whirling emotions underneath.

"Sir?" he asked Cooper, as his boss motioned for him to take a seat again.

"Agent Ressler, something has been brought to my attention, that I would like to discuss with you."

Oh my God…

"Sir?" he repeated, dreading what was coming next.

He knows…

"As an FBI agent, there are times that stress in the field can get…overwhelming, shall we say. We each have different ways of dealing with it." Said Cooper, leaning back in his chair as he looked at Ressler.

Aaahh, hell…

He sat silently in front of his boss, not willing to offer anything that would dig his own grave just yet.

"And sometimes we need help dealing with those situations, wouldn't you agree?" said Cooper, studying his agent sitting silently in front of him.

I'm screwed...

"Perhaps…" offered Ressler, starting to look for that hole that he could crawl into again.

He knows I've been…using.

Cooper leaned forward in his chair, elbows on his desk and looked closely at his lead agent. Ressler kept his mask firmly in place, but was now being betrayed by the sweat breaking out on his brow.

"Agent Ressler, it has come to my attention that you may have had a problem in Alaska." Said Cooper, looking at him pointedly.

Shit. He looked silently at his boss.

Cooper could see that Ressler wasn't going to give him anything, so plowed on. "You are aware that the Bureau has resources available to agents who sometimes have… problems."

You mean agents who wig out and break their own thumbs? We have resources for THAT?

"I am aware of that, sir." He replied, amazed at how even his voice was while his brain was screaming he knows you're a freaking addict!

'Even the strongest agents, such as yourself can get overwhelmed at times, and I want you to know that there is no…shame… in becoming compromised after what you went through." Cooper told him kindly.

Ressler sat still as a rock, almost to the point he wasn't breathing. I need to tell him…be up front with it. Maybe that will make it go easier…

"Sir…yes, I was compromised… I am-" he started, when Cooper held up his hand and interrupted.

"I understand from another agent on scene that you were quite distressed after your ordeal. I have always known you to be calm under fire. Almost to the point of being emotionless, in fact. So it does concern me a little that you were so affected by this case that it reduced you to…tears."

Wait. What? Ressler stared at his boss.

So we're NOT talking about me being a junkie…?!

His feeling of discomfort and confusion was genuine, as he looked down, which helped reinforce Cooper's case immensely.

"Don..." said Cooper, in a tone that brought Ressler's head up warily.

Don? Oh... It's an 'Elizabeth' conversation…

"I know you have had a very difficult time since losing your fiancé. I just want to remind you that Dr Friedman is always available for appointments, and to reassure you that my door is always open…if you would rather just…talk."

Um…

Ressler was squirming a little under one of the 'rules of manhood' – that manly men don't talk about being emotional in the field - or any place else for that matter. But he also felt incredibly relieved. Far better to be thought of as being 'emotional' than a junkie…

Seizing his chance to end the conversation, he nodded and put on the best grateful face he could muster. "Thank you, sir… I'll… keep that in mind."

Now let me get the hell out of here.

"Very well. Then I'll let you get back to it then." Said Cooper, dismissing him with a small smile and a nod. Ressler stood, reached down for his overnight bag and briskly walked out the office, trying not to exhale until Cooper's door was closed. He went down the stairs, his mind reeling.

The good news is he doesn't know I'm an addict.

The bad news is he thinks I'm a cry baby.

Shit.

By the time he reached his and Keen's office, he was almost breathing normally again after the completely weird male bonding experience he'd just gone through with his boss.

"What did he say…? Does Cooper know?" Liz asked worriedly, coming to sit on his desk.

"No...I mean, not the…complete details…" Was all he told her, before Aram quietly knocked on their door. Ressler turned to face him, noting the usual nervous stance.

"Hey guys, sorry, just wanted to say welcome back, and I'm glad to see you're okay Agent Ressler, after the whole…um, hunting…thing." Said Aram, before nodding and quickly smiling at them before heading back to his desk.

Ressler turned back to his desk, swiveling slowly in his chair and saw Liz smiling him.

"What?" he asked her.

"Normal day at the office. Cooper being a bear, Aram nervous around you, and Red just texted me needing to meet. Welcome back." She grinned at him.

He smiled as she left the office, then turned on his computer. There was nothing normal with how he was feeling though, as he'd just realized that Mr Kaplan's pills were now well on their way to wearing off.

###

Keen still wasn't back two hours later. He didn't know where she was, apart from being on one of those many errands she seemed to run of late. He wasn't really paying that much attention though. After she'd been gone 30 minutes, he'd called his doctor and explained about a broken thumb he'd sustained while on a case.

And had a prescription for pain meds called in to his pharmacy.

I don't need them. It's just in case…

And in the following ninety minutes, he'd been sitting at his desk with his own personal ice bucket challenge, except he was pouring bucketfuls of self loathing down on himself. While the pills weren't technically in his possession, they may as well have been in his right pocket, or in his desk drawer.

Because he couldn't focus on anything else.

I'm not taking them though. It's just in case…

So he kept telling himself, as he tried to concentrate on the case files on his desk. He was signing reports, reading and rereading the same pages again, as his mind kept wandering. Mr Kaplan had been right about that. His brain was still craving them, even though his body was begrudgingly tolerating this new turn of events and had given up begging for now.

As he walked back to their office with his third cup of coffee that morning while trying to appease his brain with caffeine (which he knew was never going to happen), he saw Liz walking from the elevator. He stopped and waited for her, then walked with her as she told him about her meeting with Red.

Once they were back in their office she looked at him, arching her eyebrows. "You okay?" she asked him across the desk. He nodded to her then, giving her his 'I'm amazing' smile which apparently satisfied her for the time being.

Or so he hoped.

###

And everything was going great. He had it all under control. Until he left work that afternoon and stopped off at the Hawthorne Pharmacy and refilled his prescription. The imagined neon sign on his back announcing his junkie status to the world was glowing brightly.

Sitting in the car at the Pharmacy for what felt like forever, he looked at the bottle of pills in his hand. He opened the lid, looked at them – dropped two pills out onto his hand – looked at them some more - then quickly returned them to the bottle and replaced the lid.

Damn it.

And after sitting there for another 5 minutes, opening and closing the bottle a few times, he shoved them in the glove box and exhaled deeply, biting his bottom lip.

To hell with this.

Starting the car, he tried to forget about the pills and headed back to Hotel Reddington. And he found the strangest thing…in a different environment, away from the office and his apartment, he didn't think about them quite as much.

And by the time he headed for bed, he took some small pleasure in the fact that even after all that, he still hadn't taken any pills today.

He had it all under control.

And hoped like hell he could repeat that tomorrow.