So, more additional scenes from 2x08 'The Decembrist'. It picks up right as Ressler lies for Liz – which I absolutely loved that he did for her! Wow, what a long way he's come from 'by the book Agent Ressler'! And since we're now in the winter hiatus (...sniff...), this will be the last chapter for a while until the show returns on February 1st next year – which is a CRAZY long time to have to wait! So Conversations 2 isn't done - it's also in hiatus. Once new episodes come back, I'll once again start weaving my story through and around what we see on the show, filling in blanks and generally having fun with what the writers miss telling us!

"I don't care if your source is confidential or what promises you've made him. I want him here; I want him interrogated, and I want his name." The Deputy Attorney General addressed Liz.

From behind Liz, Ressler spoke up before Liz could form her thoughts into words. "You must be kidding."

"Do I sound like I'm kidding?" The woman glared at him, and Ressler didn't flinch under her gaze, coolly addressing her with his steel blue eyes. In front of him, Liz wasn't sure what the heck he was doing and stayed silent for the moment.

"It's Reddington."

Ressler was the only one who heard Liz suck in a tiny breath as he stood slightly behind her. "Her source is Reddington." He repeated and without waiting for an answer, he turned back to their office, ending further discussion. The set of his shoulders and calm features effectively hiding the fact that his brain was screaming at him 'You just lied to your superiors!'

As he stood looking out the blinds, wondering again what the hell he'd just done (which seemed to be the theme of the day) the small company dispersed outside their office. Cooper and the Deputy A.G. both turned in the direction of the lead bomb tech that was worriedly approaching. And from across the room, Aram signaled to Liz and she walked over to him and Samar.

Ressler had just lied to his superiors…but apparently I'm not done shooting myself in the foot just yet... He knew without doubt what else needed to be done. Seeing Liz still over with Aram, he seized the opportunity and took his phone from his pocket. Finding the number he needed he dialed it quickly before he could change his mind. Stepping back from the blinds, keeping a watchful eye on Liz, he sucked in a shuddering breath.

The phone was answered quickly on the other end. "Donald? To what do I owe the pleasure?" Red answered smoothly.

Ressler almost hung up at the sound of Red's voice. Almost changed his mind. But then need overrode any hesitation he may have had, and turning his head slightly he lowered his voice and spoke quietly into his phone.

"Reddington…I..." He stopped, grimacing at being in this position. Granted, he'd accepted the man's help after Sitka. But he'd been too out of it to care at that point. But now, this was a conscious decision and old habits had kicked in. He was a Fed. He wasn't supposed to need – or seek - the assistance of the criminal elite.

Oh God, just do it.

He exhaled sharply. "I need your help."

"Anything. Tell me what you need, Donald." Red got right down to business. He didn't even ask what it was and Ressler appreciated that more than the man would ever know. Or perhaps he did know. Nothing much seemed to surprise Raymond Reddington.

Glancing up quickly, seeing Liz still leaning on Aram's desk, Ressler continued. "I need Mr Kaplan."

He suddenly realized that had a dual meaning, given his recent dealings with the woman. And to ensure Red didn't think he needed her…rehab… he pressed on quickly in explanation. "I have a body that needs…disposing of. And a room that needs sterilizing top to bottom." And as soon as he'd told Red, he closed his eyes momentarily as he leaned on the window ledge. Dammit…you've just gone further down the rabbit hole.

"Understood. Where is the location?" asked Red, and Ressler had to hand it to him. The man knew when brevity was required.

Looking up again to confirm Liz was still with Aram, he continued. "Pier 87, at the end of the dock. An old orange and white rust bucket of a ship. It's in the main hold." Said Ressler, inhaling quickly at the sight of Liz walking toward him now. He needed to get off the phone.

"I will see to it. And Donald, I know this is for Lizzie. And I thank you for looking out for her." And then Red was gone, hanging up immediately much to Ressler's relief. Slipping his phone in his pocket, he sighed heavily and was standing at the window trying to control his breathing when Liz entered their office a second or two later.

Finding Ressler standing with hands on hips as he looked out through the blinds, she stood slightly behind him. "Why did you say…" she started, but he cut her off as he turned sideways at her.

"Not now." Let's not look any more suspicious than we already do... He sighed, glancing at her. "We can discuss it later at home-" he stopped, realizing what he'd said as a faint smile appeared on her lips.

"I mean, Hotel Red…" he finished, a slight blush briefly appearing on his cheeks, made worse by the fact he'd just spoken to the man. She doesn't need to know. And we'll keep it that way.

"I know what you mean." She replied, resisting the urge to pat his arm as he continued looking out through the blinds. "But Ress, you shouldn't have..."

He nodded, turning from the window. "Later, Liz. Not now…" He told her, cutting her off again. "We should get back out there, I don't like how worried that bomb guy is looking." And I need to concentrate on the job at hand here.

"I saw him when he came and got Cooper… I'm not sure they can disarm this in time." She told him, and he glanced briefly at her, the image of Fitch being escorted into the building and down the 'Anslo Garrick Walk of Fame' fresh in his mind.

"I don't think this is going to end well." He told her as they both left the office and went and joined their team in the war room. There wasn't a lot they could do though. It was in the hands of the Bomb Squad now.

All we're doing is waiting for a guy to blow up…

Ressler sat at one of the desks while Liz went over and stood by Samar again. And as he sat there, eyes glued to the screens showing Fitch and the bomb tech, he reached into his right pocket out of habit. Damn it. He'd been off the pills two weeks but at times his brain insisted on taunting him, more so in stressful situations … because waiting for a man to detonate - while trying to dispose of a body after lying to my superiors - could definitely be classed as stressful.

He stole a quick glance at Liz. And from across the room she suddenly looked in his direction and nodded imperceptibly. She didn't know exactly what was going on behind those eyes of his. All she knew was he was struggling, and while no one else in the room would have even noticed, she knew him well enough to see how much he was hiding it.

###

Not quite thirty minutes after Ressler had called him, Red arrived at the Post Office. He didn't speak to anyone, his gait slowing just a little as he caught sight of Alan Fitch on the monitors. Dropping his gaze, he looked squarely into Ressler's eyes for the briefest of moments and imperceptibly, there was a nod. Ressler didn't acknowledge it. He didn't need to. And he wasn't going to make it any more obvious than it already was that Red had singled him out. He had to assume that it was done. That Red had been true to his word and had sent Mr Kaplan to …clean up the mess…

As Red went up the stairs to Cooper's office, Ressler found his eyes dragging back to the image of Fitch on the monitors, his voice filling the room as his discussion with the bomb tech continued. Agents and bomb squad guys in the war room gradually gave up all pretense of trying not to listen. And now they all sat watching the monitor, listening as Fitch told the bomb tech, "Go home Mike. You've done everything you can."

Ressler and Liz sought out each other's eyes across the room, feeling the finality of the words. From the direction of the box the sound of the door alarm blaring reached them as Mike exited the box, leaving Fitch alone. Armed agents quickly positioned themselves in place at the entrance to the hallway, blocking anyone from heading toward the box.

And again, Fitch's voice filled the room, "Harold, I know you're listening. Tell Ray I need to see him."

It took Ressler a second or two to realize Fitch was referring to Red. He'd never thought of the man as 'Ray'. They turned to see Cooper walk toward his office to get Reddington and comply with Fitch's request.

Oh God…he's saying goodbye…

And at that moment, the video feed went dead, the lights shut down one by one toward the box, plunging the box room and hallway into eerie silence. No more listening in and watching on the monitor. Now it was Fitch and the bomb alone.

Ressler swallowed hard, dragged his eyes off the static playing on the monitor and once again met Liz's eyes across the room. And at the look in his eyes, Liz left the desk she was sitting at with Samar and walked toward her partner. And almost on cue, as if 'given permission', Samar left her desk and went and stood by Aram.

They were pairing up. Waiting together for the inevitable.

Liz came and stood by him, leaning on the desk close to him. And meanwhile his brain became more relentless in its goading of him to 'just take a freakin' pill, and you'll feel better.' His brain apparently hadn't got the memo that it was a moot point anyway – because he no longer had any pills. Ignoring his internal struggle as best he could, he again looked up at static on the monitor.

"You okay?" Liz whispered and he nodded in reply, not wanting to discuss it. He fought this battle daily, and sometimes it just got a little harder.

"Are you?" He asked her quietly, and she hesitated. "Yeah..." She turned to him, her face beside his as she leaned on the desk shoulder to shoulder with him. "This sucks Ress…"

He exhaled heavily and nodded as Red came quickly down the stairs. Resolutely and silently he headed toward the hallway as Cooper motioned for the guards to let him through. As Red passed the guards, he crossed paths with Mike the bomb tech coming from that direction. Red momentarily stopped, patted Mike on the shoulder and said something briefly to the young man before continuing his walk to the box.

"Where does Red know Fitch from…?" Ressler asked Liz quietly as they huddled together at the desk.

"Not sure exactly, but it apparently goes back years… I mean, we know Red has contacts and resources all over the globe…" she told him, keeping her voice low.

Including body cleanup crews…oh God…

From behind them, they heard Mike quietly apologizing to his superior, who replied to him in hushed tones. "You have nothing to apologize for kid. The hard truth is Mr Fitch was right… we can't disarm this thing, Mike. It's too sophisticated…"

The entire room was quiet. Waiting for the inevitable.

Liz looked silently at Ressler again as they listened to the Bomb Squad guys. "…I hate this…" she whispered, looking into his eyes. "If…when… it goes off, how protected will Red be if he's near..?"

He met her worried eyes. But what he was suddenly seeing was his view from inside the box as Anslo Garrick's men pushed explosives onto the crossbeams. And even through the fog of agony emanating through his body that day, he had clearly heard Garrick upset with his men that they didn't have enough explosives to blow the thing. It didn't appear that Fitch had nearly the amount of explosives around his neck necessary to affect the integrity of the box. The integrity of his head though…well, that's a different matter…

"Red should be fine... even if he's standing right at the box…" Well, as 'fine' as you can be after seeing someone explode… He sighed heavily, noticing that Liz's hands were shaking a little. So were his, but for a different reason as his brain still insisted he shut up and listen to it.

She noticed too, looking at his large hands resting on the desk beside hers and looked up and met his eyes, whispering to him. "Are you sure you-"

She never finished her sentence.

The shockwave ripped through the room, as if for a moment the entire building had filled its lungs with air then quickly expelled it. Enveloped in the momentary vacuum, they ducked instinctively, protecting themselves from the unseen explosion. The muffled sound of the blast followed the shockwave a split second later.

"No!" Liz cried out and Ressler grabbed her nearby hand without a thought. "Shit." He swore under his breath, closing his eyes as the shock wave passed. Startled shouts rang out from agents around them as a loud alarm sounded, valiantly announcing a perceived attack on the building. As the siren blared through the war room, Ressler leaned shoulder to shoulder with Liz, and squeezed his partner's hand reassuringly.

Bomb Squad guys were seemingly everywhere then, charging by them as they headed for the box. Ressler wondered just what good they could do now. As the alarm continued its incessant warning through the room, he shot a glance toward Aram and Samar sitting close together at Aram's desk, their shocked looks mirroring his own.

And above it all, Cooper's commanding voice now sounded from the top of the stairs. "Stand your ground. No one move until the Bomb Squad secures the scene - unless of course, you're the person shutting that damn alarm off."

As they remained in position, there was one who was not listening. From the shadows Dembe suddenly appeared, sprinting to the hallway. Armed guards reached out in vain to stop him, but he was gone, swiftly running past them toward the box.

###

As the initial chaos in the room subsided and the alarm had thankfully been silenced, Ressler and Liz made their way toward the entry to the hallway. The guards still held them back, but neither of them had any intention, or desire for that matter, of going to the box. Ressler had seen more than enough blood spilled in it and didn't relish the thought of seeing…an exploded guy all over the glass…

They leaned against the wall near the self-important guards while waiting for Red, and inwardly Ressler was taking some perverse pleasure in teasing the armed men merely with their presence. Hell, I need something amusing today. Within a couple of minutes the familiar silhouette of Red approached, backlit by the floodlights now illuminating the box and surrounding room. Dembe, his ever loyal shadow was a few steps behind him to his left. Liz approached Red as he entered the war room.

"Red…are you okay?"

He barely even looked at her. "I'm fine, Lizzie." He told her, emotionless, his voice even.

Liz walked beside him for a step or two, "I'm sorry…" But this time Red ignored her and kept walking. Ressler knew that look as the man walked toward him. The set of the jaw; the inwardly focused eyes and the controlled breathing. The man needed some space, and hell, who could blame him. Taking Liz by the elbow Ressler quietly told her, "Let him be."

As Red turned and continued toward the elevator, Dembe looked back at them and shook his head gently. Ever silent, he then jogged to catch up to his boss. As the two men stepped through the yellow door of the elevator, Dembe leaned across Red to press the button to close the door.

The elevator rose, and the sound of Cooper's cane tapping on the hard floor behind them announced his presence. They heard him exhale heavily before he spoke to them.

"Haz-mat is on their way. They will be overseeing the…clean up… of the box." He looked down the hallway to the floodlights, hesitated, and then turned back to his agents. "This was not the outcome we wanted. But it doesn't take away from the fact that you both did good work today. There's not much we can do around here until Haz-mat is done. So get out of here, both of you, and I'll see you back here tomorrow morning."

"Yes, sir," said Liz, as Ressler looked silently at their boss.

As they turned toward their office, Ressler realized the only thing missing had been his 'I'm amazing' smile - because once again, someone had 'accused' him of doing good work, when he knew the truth was far from it. He had lied, withheld evidence – ignored a murder victim lying dead at his feet, let a prisoner go – and called in a clean up team to dispose of the evidence. And all in the pursuit of a man who had just exploded all over the damn box.

But it was more than that. Red had known it immediately, while Ressler just took a little longer to admit it to himself. He'd done it for Liz. And that fact was undeniable. And on top and everything else, his brain still wouldn't shut up about taking a pill. I can't wrap my head around all this right now…

He looked up to find Liz eyeing him warily, her brows furrowing. "What…? I mean…apart from the obvious with…all this," she motioned with her arm toward the Bomb Squad and newly arrived Haz-mat team. Ressler glanced over toward the yellow clad cleanup team, momentarily taken back to an airport terminal just a few weeks ago. Which didn't help. Because all it did was remind him that he'd broken rules that day too. Or at the very least 'bent the rules'…to get to Liz…

Drawing his eyes away from the Haz-mat team, he turned his attention back to his partner, giving her the best half smile he could muster as they entered their office. And while trying his best to sound normal, or at the very least sound like none of this had bothered him all that much, he spoke quietly to her. "Let's do as Cooper says and get out of here."

"Definitely." She agreed, grabbing her gear from her desk drawer then walking to the door. "Um, Ress, I need to…go back to the boat…" she whispered as she stood by him on her way out the door of their office.

His eyes met hers as she stood close. "You're not going there alone."

And as she opened her mouth to protest, he suddenly gave her his version of 'the look' and promptly silenced her. And surprised himself.

Damn. I didn't know I had it in me.

###

In the parking garage he climbed into her car, not wanting her to take off without him to the docks. She knew what he was doing, and appreciated it. But she also didn't want him involved any deeper than he was. Which was a futile effort, at best, as she quickly discovered.

"I'll be fine. Seriously, that boat is the LAST place Tom will want to be right now." She told him, then added, "I shouldn't have let you get involved…and I am so sorry about that…"

"Well, it's a little late for that. I AM involved Liz. And I had to prevent Cooper and the Deputy A.G. knowing about Tom, because I didn't see any other way to cover this up without them connecting you to it." He was leaning toward her talking in hushed tones and choosing his words carefully. Trying to only address the fact he'd lied, and not the fact he knew Mr Kaplan was likely there right now and cleaning up, or had already been and gone. Because as much as he'd done today of his own volition, even if not exactly willingly, he wasn't sure how she'd feel about him having done that.

"But I was going to tell Cooper…" she told him just as quietly. Even in the safety of her car, they were still afraid to speak of it any louder.

"And then what?" he hissed at her. "Cooper would have slapped the cuffs on you himself. What would that have achieved?"

"Maybe …but it would have been right. Maybe I should be thrown in jail…" she replied, dropping her gaze to her shaking hands.

Over my dead body… "And I wasn't going to stand around and let that happen, Liz."

"Why not? Look at what I've done these past four months…" She said, looking up at him, her lashes wet with tears.

Liz…this pity party isn't helping…

"Look…I don't know how it all got to be this…complicated." He told her in hushed tones, leaning closer, "all I know is…I didn't HAVE to do any of that today. I CHOSE to do it. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat…to protect you."

And he'd said it. No taking it back now.

Her breath hitched as she lifted her eyes to him. "I don't deserve that…"

And he smiled at her then, looking into her eyes. "And I don't deserve you keeping my addiction from Cooper. I don't deserve anything you and Red did for me after Sitka. That's just what…friends… do Liz." He told her, reaching out and wiping tears gently from her cheeks. It was instinctive. He didn't even think about it, and she didn't flinch.

Liz…I didn't want anything to happen to you." He told her, gently dropping his head to look up into her eyes. "That's why I did what I did today."

"So the prospect of having to live without me must also be terrifying to you…" she suddenly said, looking into his eyes intently, as tears flowed down her cheeks.

And here it was. The question had been reversed.

"It is." He told her truthfully, without hesitation. And not a hint of sarcasm in sight.

And at that she smiled through her tears, and reached for him across the seat. And sitting in her car, he hugged her as she cried softly. "Thank you." She whispered in his ear. "My boy scout…"

He smiled as he held her, and whispered into her ear now "Tarnished boy scout, Liz... I think my cap has slipped a bit."

He heard her laughing gently in his ear at that, and then she pulled away from him getting herself under control. "You'll do though." She wiped her tears away, and took in a deep breath as their eyes held each other.

And let's get back to…business here… before we… He couldn't finish that thought.

"So, swap seats." He told her, "Because there's no way you're driving. I'll take you to the docks." She smiled, knowing why he'd changed the subject. And as they climbed out their respective sides of her car and crossed at the rear of her vehicle they stood and faced each other.

"Complicated is right, Ress." She told him gently as she looked up at him, and he knew she wasn't only referring to the day they'd just had. And as he looked at her, he realized that his brain had stopped screaming at him for the first time in hours. And that all the bad decisions he'd made today suddenly felt worth it.

Damn, Liz…you do have an affect on me…

You complicate my life…but in a good way…

To be continued...

(And this note is at the end so I didn't give a spoiler away at the top of the page! I want to give a big thank you to angelhug for suggesting an idea for this chapter. She suggested I add a scene where Ressler calls Red to have him dispose of the body for Liz. So I did, because I think it added another layer to how far Ress is willing to go for Liz – so thank you angelhug, for that idea!)