everyone was still in that craft from the end of part II
"we still have to find my son!," mac yelled. "I've told you like ten times already, I am your son!," Future The Baby repeated. "How could you be my son? Just a few days ago, he was drinking Doc's titty milk, and you're 20-something years old!," Mac retorted. "I'm from the future," Future The Baby revealed. "That's how I know you're lying, time travel isn't real," Mac replied. "It just hasn't been invented yet, but it has been in my time," Future The Baby a-synonym-for-said-that-starts-with-r'd.
since the baby actually does stuff in this fic we're gonna give him a name now, let's call him Louis to add more confusion, maybe Lou for short
"Alright then, let's use your fancy science mumbo-jumbo to go rescue my kid," Mac suggested. "We can't. He's already been taken somewhere else. And besides, we can't stop what's already been preordained," Lou explained. "Taken somewhere else? You mean those monsters have my kid?," Mac panicked. "No, by some other people. This battle isn't just between you and Nintendo, there's a third group that's in the fray," said Lou. "And who's that?," Mac asked. "An organization that's on your side and dedicated to protecting video game characters like you," Lou told.
"See, a long time ago, even before I was born, they knew that Nintendo was too powerful and they would eventually go crazy, and you resisting a spot in Smash was the spark that lit the fire. We've been monitoring you ever since that initial refusal you made when you decided to stay with Doc and have had a plan to set in motion. When you and your family were captured by Reggie, we moved in fast to rescue you, but we were only able to save your son since you had already escaped," Lou spoke.
"Wait, isn't that what just happened?," Mac inquired. "It may be the present for you, but it's history for me," Lou continued, "With only the kid in their possession, they planned to use him to help defeat Nintendo, but then Mac and his army managed to stop them all by themselves, and there was no use for him anymore. But then, when they went to return him to Mac, they discovered that the man who was working with Mac was the baby himself - who had traveled back in time from the future and decided to stay with him. Knowing what they had to do, they trained the baby up for the next couple of decades, preventing him from ever being able to see his dad out of risk of meeting his future self, until they were able to send him back in time so he could fulfill his destiny and help save the world… and that baby was me."
"So you're saying I can never be with my boy again?," Mac asked, hurt. "You can be with your boy, you are with your boy, I'm him!," Lou reminded. "No, it's not the same. You don't understand how it feels, I missed out on my daughter's childhood, and I promised my son I wouldn't miss his!," Mac shouted. "And how do you think I feel, huh? I grew up my entire life not knowing why I didn't have a family, thinking that my father didn't want me, being raised to essentially be a killing machine. I had to look at you from afar, and it killed me to not be able to meet you, to talk to you, and now that I finally have the opportunity you don't even recognize me as your son," Lou replied, feeling hurt himself.
"Well how would you like to have a normal childhood? If we just went and got you back now-," Mac began. "We can't, that would create a paradox that would rip apart the very fabric of the universe," Lou explained. "Then how about we just go back in time again and-," Mac began again. "Time travel is only a one-way street, we don't have the technology to do it from both sides yet. And even if we brought a time machine over to the other side, it needs a type of socket that you guys won't invent for quite some time," Lou revealed. "So what you're saying is-," Mac began for a third time. "I'm stuck here. Permanently. This is my home now," Lou concluded.
"Wow…," Mac whispered, taking a few steps back. With Mac no longer hogging the spotlight of the story for the chapter, Lou turned his attention over to Doc. "Louis…?," Doc asked. "Mama…," Lou replied. Doc walked over to Lou and looked into his eyes. "Oh… it is you," he confirmed and hugged him tightly. "I know they say kids grow up so fast but this is ridiculous," Doc stated. "Mom, you don't know how much I've missed you," Lou replied, shedding a tear or two. "Well, you won't have to miss me anymore, this family is staying together from now on." Doc extended a hand towards Mackenzie, who had just been awkwardly standing in the corner with her friend, Annie, for the duration of the trip. "Right, Mack?," Doc asked.
Mack looked at both of them. "I… I don't know." She rushed into the next room, the doors sliding open when she neared them. Annie ducked in after her, and they closed behind her. "Are you okay, Mack?," she asked. "No, I'm not fucking okay!," Mack replied, "It's just… it wasn't that long ago when it was just me and Dad, y'know? When everything was fine. Then… then my other Dad came along, and then they had that dumb kid, and they forgot all about me, and… then all of this happened, I nearly got killed, and now I have a grown-up brother from the future… and worst of all, those bastards took my phone!"
Mack broke down and Annie took her in her arms. "Hey, hey, it's alright," she reassured her. "I… I only spent a few hours with him and… now he's gone forever," she sobbed. "At least you bonded with him in the end, right?," Annie asked, putting a cheery outlook on everything as always. "I'm sorry I got you dragged into this, Annie, I really am," Mack apologized. "Don't sweat it. I mean, what would I be doing if I wasn't here, taking slutty Snapchats?," Annie joked. Mack chuckled and looked up at her. "You're too good for me, you know that?," she asked. "I know," the other replied. They looked into each other's eyes and found comfort in them. They moved their faces closer towards each other…
Suddenly, the doors opened and one of the guards stepped in. "Brace yourselves, we're about to land." He went to walk back outside, then stopped. "Hey wait a second… were you guys about to engage in some hot, lesbian action?," he asked. "Tsk," Mack replied, "Even if we were, you wouldn't be able to watch us. We're only 13." "The writer hasn't officially confirmed that yet!," the guards retorted.
And then the writer confirmed that they were 13.
"Fucking fuck me," the guard growled and left. The craft began to lower itself to the ground, and the grass underneath it split open to reveal a secret passageway. The ship dove underneath, and landed in the carrier of a hidden building. A short while later, everyone began to spill out onto the floor. "This is it, our underground hideout," Lou introduced, "I understand you're all very tired after what you've just been through so we'll take you directly to where you'll be staying and you can get some rest."
Looking at their surroundings, the gang saw that, though the building wasn't a very high-budget venture-it was very clear that it was built by a small group of rebels with a modest amount of money-it had nevertheless been enhanced by tons of futuristic equipment, no doubt generously donated from the organization in a future where it's much more successful. The combination of these two made the place look like it had bipolar disorder, but it would serve fine for now.
Mac and Doc got their own room, as did Mack and Annie. In the former's, Doc tiredly jumped on his bed while Mac simply sat on it, contemplating something that was probably important. "Man, after all of that, all I want to do is cuddle up with someone. Want to join me?," Doc offered. "Not right now… I'm still thinking about everything," Mac replied. "Some lovin' oughta clear your mind up," Doc continued. "Is sex the only thing you can think of at a time like this?," Mac questioned. "Son, I have a few decades on you, if anything you should be the horny one here. The point is, you haven't deposited anything in me in a few days, and I'm feeling kind of empty inside," Doc explained. "Well I probably pissed in you a little when Mario and Link broke into our house," Mac revealed.
Doc sat up next to Mac. "There's nothing to worry about. We'll get through this," Doc told. "I know, it's just… this is such a big change," he said. "You know what was a big change? You coming onto to me that one day at practice. I was so unsure of it all, whether it was right for you and me to be in a relationship, but I went with it anyway, and that was the best decision I've made in my entire life," Doc acknowledged, "Maybe you just need to go with the fact that your son's now the same age as you." "But… how did you just get used to him like that? You didn't have any doubt about it or anything, you just went up and hugged him," Mac asked. "Because I knew that he was my kid. Once I got over the fact that I wouldn't be changing his diapers anymore, I was ready to embrace him. Sometimes things don't always work out the way you think they would, but then you gotta turn your wheels around and make the most of the new opportunities presented to you, son," Doc inspired. "Still giving me that A+ advice after all these years, huh coach?," Mac asked. "'Til the day you die, Mac," Doc put his arm around Mac's shoulder and shook him a bit, "'til the day you die."
Some hours later, after everyone was fine and refreshed, they all reported to the training room to… train, what else. On the way there, Mac spotted a locked door that led to a whole other wing of the hideout. "hey what's in there," Mac asked. Lou coughed. "Um, nothing important," he obviously lied, setting up some foreshadowing for later on in this fic. Now, once they were all gathered in the room, Lou began speaking: "If we're going to take down Nintendo as was foretold, or will come to pass, I guess, we're gonna need to be skilled in combat. Today, we will each choose our weapons." "I don't need any weapons, I'm a championship boxer," Mac proclaimed. "You've been out of the game for awhile though," Doc reminded him, "Are you sure you're up to it?" "I'd never not be up to it. Once a boxer, always a boxer," Mac proclaimed. "You know what, Mac, you're right! In fact, I'm gonna fight with my bare fisticuffs too!," he announced. "Uh, are you sure that's a good idea?," Mac questioned. "Of course, these guns are locked and loaded," he responded, holding up his arms and showing off his massive amounts of fat. "Don't worry, we'll get you two into shape in no time," Lou assured and moved onto Mack and Annie.
"So what are you in the mood for?," Lou asked Mack. "Hmm, I like those futuristic firearms everyone's carrying around here," she admitted. "Excellent choice. We have a dozen different kinds, though, so you'll need to be well-versed in all of them. For now, let's just start with the basics," he said, handing her a simple handgun, "now, in the future, our guns have three settings, 'stun', 'ice,' and 'kill.' You can probably guess from the labels, but 'stun' temporarily knocks out your opponent, 'ice' freezes them in-place, and 'kill' sends 'em straight to hell." "Awesome, I love damning peeps," Mack replied.
"You gonna have the same thing?," Lou inquired of Annie. "Nah, I want something unique. Hmm," Annie surveyed the room and found an interesting piece of equipment on the wall. "Hey, get me that bow and arrow," she chose. "Ah, you any good at archery?," he asked, fetching the weapon for her. "Well, I don't mean to brag, but I got the highest scores on that in Wii Sports," she announced. "Well, if you need any help, the arrows come with an automatic targeting light so you can see exactly where you're hitting," Lou explained. "Won't need it. Watch this," said Annie, and she removed an arrow from her sheath and prepared to launch it. "Uhh, you might not want to use that, it's one of the bomb o-" Annie launched the arrow and it blew a hole in the wall, which not only missed one of several bullseye targets in the room dedicated to archery but also caused a fire and the sprinklers in the room to turn on.
"Whoops," muttered Annie. Lou turned around and looked at the other recruits. "Hey, I don't think this is working," Mack complained, sticking her finger in the gun, and pulling the trigger, electrocuting herself and falling down to the floor. Mac threw a sparring punch towards Doc but slipped on the wet floor, and Doc then fell on him in return. "Oof, you're crushing me!," Mac groaned. "Oh sorry," Doc apologized. "And I can feel you popping a boner," Mac added. "Hey, that always happens when I'm on top," Doc reminded him. Lou sighed and buried his face in his hands, "We've got a long way to go…"
A familiar Disney tune began to play in the background. "LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS," Lou sang. He tossed a couple of pots into the air and pulled out twin handguns. "TO FIGHT NIN-" He shot the pots without even looking. "-TENDO!" The others grunted in agreement. "CAME IN SEARCH OF WARRIORS… YET I FOUND… SOME HOS!" "hey i only sent a nude selfie to a boy that one time," Annie opposed. "YOU'RE THE SADDEST BUNCH I'VE EVER MET, BUT YOU CAN BET BEFORE WE'RE THROUGH…" Lou walked up to Doc and patted his belly, causing a long ripple to move throughout that area of his body. "MISTER I'LLLLL MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOUUUUU"
from this point to the end of the montage, * represents the lyric of the song and ** represents the visuals that occur during that lyric
*Lou: TRANQUIL AS A FOREST
**Lou left-hooks a punching bag and causes it to fly back.
*L: BUT ON FIRE WITHINNN
**Mac hits the bag and holds his hand in pain before sinking down to the mat like a wimp
*L: ONCE YOU FIND YOUR CENTER
**Lou fires like three arrows at once and they all hit their targets
*L: YOU ARE SURE TO WINNN
**Annie fires some arrows but they end up all over the place
*L: YOU'RE A SPINELESS, PALE, PATHETIC LOT
**Annie has one of the bomb arrows stuck in her bow and can't get it out as it's about to detonate
*L: AND YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
*Lou takes the bow away from her but the arrow blows up in his face, leaving it covered with soot, Annie smiles back at him sheepishly
*L: SOMEHOW I'LLLL
**Lou uses watermelons as weight lifts
*L: MAKE A MANNNN
**Doc takes bites out of his watermelons
*L: OUT OF YOUUUU
**Lou glares at Doc, Doc offers him a bite of one of his melons
**Annie: I'M NEVER GONNA CATCH MY BREATH
**Gang is seen trudging through a mud course
*Doc: SAY GOODBYE TO THOSE WHO KNEW ME
**Doc tries to climb up an obstacle course wall but falls off of it; it is revealed he was barely a couple of feet off the ground
*Mack: WHY WAS I A FOOL IN SCHOOL FOR CUTTING GYM
**Mack tries dodging a bunch of security beams in a simulated room, repeatedly gets her butt burned
*Mac: THIS GUY'S GOT 'EM SCARED TO DEATH
**Mac places a wet towel on Mack's derrière after the aforementioned event
*Random Soldier: HOPE HE DOESN'T SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME
**Random Soldier prances into the training room twirling around
*Lou: BRO YOU'RE NOT EVEN A PART OF THIS SONGGG
**Lou scolds the Random Soldier using the above dialogue.
*Chorus: BE A MAN YOU MUST BE SWIFT AS A COURSING RIVER
**Mac faces off against a robotic boxer, lands a few punches on it and is able to get its head to jolt upwards like one of those rock 'em-sock 'em robots
*C: BE A MAN WITH ALL THE FORCE OF A GREAT TYPHOON
**Doc continues running on a track and falls down, Lou passes him.
C: BE A MAN WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF A RAGING FIRE
**Mack closes her eyes and fires a shot with her gun, and is actually able to knock down a bottle on a table a few yards away from her
C: MYSTERIOUS AS THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
**On the surface, Lou looks out at the moon with a weary but determined look on his face
L: TIME IS RACING TOWARDS US
**The gang is walking up some mountains.
*L: 'TIL NINJAS ARRIVE
**Doc is sweating profusely and clearly having trouble moving
*L: HEED MY EVERY ORDER
**The other three take Doc's arms and help him continue the trek
*L: AND YOU MIGHT… SURVIVE
**Lou looks back on them with a slightly dissatisfied but understanding look on his face, then moves forward while the others keep on behind him
*L: YOU'RE UNSUITED FOR
**In the middle of the night, Doc wakes up from his bed.
*L: THE RAGE OF WAR
**Doc walks around outside for a bit.
*L: SO PACK UP, GO HOME, YOU'RE THROUGH
**Doc finds Lou working with some dumbbells, shoots him a look
*L: HOW COULD I…?
**Lou shoots him back another look, offering him a dumbbell
*L: MAKE A MAN...
**Doc walks over to him to take it
*L: OUT OF YOU…?!
**The silhouettes of Doc and Lou are seen as Lou supervises Doc liftin weights
*C: BE A MAN YOU MUST BE SWIFT AS A COURSING RIVER
**Everyone is up on the surface at sunrise watching something
*C; BE A MAN WITH ALL THE FORCE OF A GREAT TYPHOON
**In the distance, it's Doc! He's been running all night and his clothes are drenched with sweat, but he's doing it!
*C: BE A MAN WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF A RAGING FIRE
** Doc finally finishes his run and sits down a bench, being offered a towel and a water bottle from nearby soldiers congratulating him
*C: MYSTERIOUS AS THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
**Despite being surrounded by all of these people, Doc's attention is only on his son; he shoots him a look to say "Did I do good?" and Lou nods his head with a big, pleased grin on his face
*C: BE A MAN YOU MUST BE SWIFT AS A COURSING RIVER
*Mac is now fighting a whole group of boxing robots, smooth as hell he dodges all of their attacks, ducking under their arms and coming back up to knock them out with one punch and easily defeats all of them
*C: BE A MAN WITH ALL THE FORCE OF A GREAT TYPHOON
**Annie unleashes arrows from her bow in an extremely fast fashion akin to firing a machine gun, all of them hitting their targets in the corner; the arrows then explode leaving behind an awesome looking explosion behind Annie who faces the camera looking like a badass in a really nice money shot
*C: BE A MAN WITH
**Lou tosses everyone those sticks, the gang distributes them among themselves all team-like and stuff
*C: ALL THE STRENGTH OF A RAGING
**Mack swings by an army of dummies on a rope from the ceiling, firing down on all of them easily with a machine gun
*C: FIRE
**The gang does a move with their sticks
*C: MYSTERIOUS AS
**Doc presses some measuring tape against his biceps and it breaks, we brief a brief shot of new and improved Doc and he's SWOLE AS FUCK holy shit
*C: THE DARK SIDE
**The gang does another move with their sticks
*C: OF THE MOOOONN
**Everyone strikes an awesome pose with all of their weapons
*Everyone: HWAH!
**They do the thing where they jump in the air and kick and it's so awesome omg *tear*
Roughly a month after the montage began, Mack and Lou are together in a simulated room. Running through some fake streets, they practice stealth and stay out of sight of the wooden Nintendo Ninjas popping out of the ground. Mack looked out over the side of her hologramic rock and a cardboard rose up; she immediately aimed her gun at it, but it turned out to be a little innocent girl. Putting her weapon down, she got up and continued to move through the field. Every dozen or so seconds, a new cardboard figure made itself known, and Mack effortlessly blasted it away with her handgun. However, she eventually heard a far off noise. In one swift motion, she put her handgun back in its holster and, at the same time, took out a shotgun which she then aimed at the risen cardboard many yards away. Taking a shot, she took off its head.
More figures began appearing all over the place and in no near vicinity to Mack, but she still found them in no time flat and disposed of all of them like a boss. Suddenly, cardboard figures started popping up near her again, only this time, they were mobile, and dozens began sliding towards Mack. Shelving her arms, she took out two swords from a pouch on her back and willingly allowed her enemies to get close to her. Then, in a flurry of moves, her blades flung around like a fork in a blender and the ground was littered with wood.
Mack let her guard down for just a second, and when she did, a huge cardboard figure ascended, towering over her. Immediately, she jumped forward and dove to the ground, but it wasn't because of the figure Not too far away, Annie had fired one of her arrows from an angle. It flew through the air and, thanks to how precisely she had calculated it, curved a bit and JUST missed Mack's ear, before impaling the figure's heart and deactivating it.
"Hey, I had that under control," Mack yelled. "Oh, you and your last-minute approaches. You're gonna get yourself killed one day," Annie warned. "And if I do, I'm taking the dirty bastard with me," said Mack. "Ha ha, classic Mack," Annie replied. "Come on girls, no time to lose, we've got to storm the castle!," shouted Lou, who ran by them. The gals followed, and a short jog later they found themselves at the final location of their lesson.
As soon as they entered, they found themselves being stared down by a bunch of robots aiming BB guns down at them from above levels. "Remember your delta formation!," Lou instructed them from the side. The robots began firing, and Mack acted as the guard for herself and Annie, deflecting their ammo with her blades, while Annie took them out in rapid succession with her now impressive archery skills. They sprinted up the levels, occasionally meeting a few stray robots not yet dealt with. In these circumstances, they made quick work of them, sliding on the floor before jumping up and blowing or cutting them down to size with the instrument of their choice. At the top of the castle, they entered the throne room of a robot painted to look like the certain CEO of a Japanese video game company. "Remember how skilled he is!," Lou called down from below. True to his warning, the robot was indeed skilled and lunged at Annie like a well-learned martial arts master. She slid out of the way and poked the robot in one of the pressure points on its back; now defenseless, she dropkicked the robot towards Mack who stood by the railing of the stairs. She caught the robot, lifted it up, and planted one of her handguns firmly at the bottom of its chin. She blew its head and threw it down the center of the room before it crashed in the lobby and became a pile of nuts and bolts.
"Excellent, excellent!," Lou cheered. The simulation vanished, and as such, so did the castle; Mack and Annie fell down through the air and landed on some mats on the floor. "You guys are doing superbly!," he said, giving them big hugs. "Well, we do have the best teacher," Mack replied. "Aw, you're just saying that because I'm your brother," said Lou. "Nah, if anything, I should insult you more because you're my brother," she informed. "Aww," went Lou, putting them back down. "Hey, after Mom and Dad's big match, we should go out for lunch, it'll be fun!," she suggested. "I'm up for it," Lou accepted, running off to go set up the two men for their battle. "Have I mentioned that your brother's really hot?," Annie asked. "You haven't shut up about it," answered Mack. "Ah okay, I was just checkin'!"
Meanwhile, in the sparring room, Little Mac and Doc Louis were in the ring, getting prepared. "I've never fought against my coach before, this should be interesting," Mac made banter. "You're in for a treat, there's a reason why I brought the championship belt home so many times back in the 50s," he replied. "I could say the same thing, except instead of the 50s, in the 80s to mid-2000s period," Mac retorted.
The rest of the organization had gathered in the seats to watch this highly-anticipated event, the culmination of Mac and Doc's training thus far. Lou took his place as the announcer. "Alright folks, today we'll see just how far Little Mac and Doc Louis have gotten in their training here, and as they've been training under me, I can assure you that it's been very, very far," said he. The crowd chuckled. "Round one!," he began, "Fight!" Mac and Doc put their dukes up and circled each other. "You've really picked yourself up these last few weeks. You're all buff now and you've gotten a lot more hairy," Mac observed. "You might say that all of my hidden sexy finally came up to the surface," responded Doc. "Nah, your sexiness was always in plain sight," Doc flirted. "Aw, you're too kind," replied Doc. Mac threw a punch at Doc, and Doc simply evaded it and planted one on Mac's right cheek. Whether by planted one I mean he punched him or he kissed him I'll leave up to you
"Thought you could distract me with that? You're still a rookie, son," said Doc. "Could a rookie do this?," Mac asked, and he threw another one towards Doc again. Doc dodged it once more, and went to plant one on Mac again just as he'd done before, but this time Mac blocked his arm with his own and delivered a blow to his stomach. Shortly after he uppercutted his opponent, and Doc flew back against the rings surrounding their platform. "You're smart," Doc acknowledged, wiping some sweat from his face with his gloves, "I've taught you well." He went for Mac again but Mac socked him again and drove him to the floor. "1, 2, 3! Round one goes to Little Mac!," Lou announced.
"Okay then, no more holding back. No more Mr. Husband," Doc muttered. When the second round commenced, he shouted "Look alive, Mac!" Temporarily blinded by this sudden shout, Doc sealed his victory with the first punch which knocked Mac back like a french fry. Mac bounced off the rings and back towards Doc, who gave him yet another hit. Discombobulated, Mac tried to hit Doc, but Doc evaded his attack and gave Mac's face more impressions of his fist. Mac spun around and tried to hit Doc again, but the occurrences of the last sentence repeated themselves. In one uppercut, Doc launched Mac a few inches off of the floor and KO'd him. Round two went to… well, you can guess, I don't have to flat out say every obvious detail.
Round three began. At this point, the men were sweating heavily, their testosterone levels were at their highest, and they were giving in their primal instincts having reached so deep into their fight. All of these mixed together to form one outcome… Mac and Doc began passionately making stage. Everyone cheered them on and, by the time the two had fallen to the floor struggling to get each other's clothes off, the rest of the organization pretty much went with it and they started having a giant fucking orgy. It was pretty hot. I can't even attempt to describe it, it was so sexy I would be doing it a disservice no matter how intricate and detailed I went in telling you about their very hot endeavors.
After this massive sex-fest, they went to the surface and left for a sandwich place intent on getting some delicacies topped with lots of ranch. From a tree nearby, a Nintendo Ninja had finally succeeded in his mission of finding out where the group had been hiding, and relayed his findings back to HQ.
Meanwhile in Kyoto, Japan…
"Iwata-sama, we have finally found out where the Americans are hiding!," one of Iwata's advisors shouted, bursting into his office. "It's abouttu fucking timeu!," Iwata yelled back, "What tooku you so damn long?!" "Well, Iwata-sama, they were living underground and only sometimes came up to the surface," the advisor tried to explain. "You baka! They're foreigners, inherently stupid, it shouldn't have takingu you a month to track them down," Iwata growled. "I'm sorry Iwata-sama, it won't happen again," "You bettu your assu it won't!" With a wave of his hand, Iwata shut the door.
"I-Iwata-sama, what are you doing…?," the advisor asked. "I haven'tu done-u this in awhile, so I have to refresh my abilities before I begin doing it a lot to those who we are about to face off against," Iwata explained. "You mean…?," the advisor inquired. "Yes, the Supah Ancient Marashu Artsu!," Iwata complained. His body began to glow and he reached his arm out, psychically lifting his advisor off of the ground. "Iwata-sama please… I beg of you…," the advisor pleaded. "Begging achieves nothing! You must take what you want by force. That's what Yamauchi-senpai taught me!"
A short while later, Iwata entered the training room of Commander Satoru Shibata, who you might know as the President of Nintendo of Europe, but most likely not as no one cares about Nintendo of Europe, and his army of Nintendo Ninjas. "You havingu a missioñu!," Iwata announced. "Whatever it is, Lord Iwata-sama, we shall gladly do it," Commander Shibata bowed. "You are to report to America and fetch Little Mac for me at this location!," Iwata ordered, handing him a piece of parchment, "Kill anyone else who is with him, but bring Little Mac back alive!" "As you wish, Lord Iwata-sama. I will dispatch my most elite group of Ninjas to do this task," Shibata informed, "SSB ranku, fall in!"
A group of forty ninjas gathered in front of them. They were the fighters of Super Smash Bros. 4… Donkey Kong, Samus, Kirby, Pikachu, Fox, Bowser, Pit, Villager, Wii Fit Trainer, Mega Man, Olimar, Luigi, Peach, Sonic, Marth, Rosalina, Zelda, DeDeDe, Lucario, Diddy Kong, Yoshi, Charizard, Greninja, Ike, Palutena, Pac-Man, Captain Falcon, Robin, Shulk, Meta Knight, Ness, Falcon, Wario, Lucina, Dark Pit, R.O.B., Ganondorf, Mr. Game & Watch, the Duck Hunt Dog, Jigglypuff and a generic-ass fucking Mii rounded out the roster. "We shall show them no mercy!," screamed Commander Shibata. "HEIL NINTENDO!," shouted the Ninjas, "HEIL NINTENDO!"
Meanwhile, the gang was eating at Disney Sandwiches. In the past, this restaurant was known as Subway, but then media conglomerate The Walt Disney Company began collaborating with them to create the illusion that they were all for progressive stuff when in fact they were a really shitty company behind the scenes, and they also provided Subway with fucking bags to sell with their kids' meals because children these days really want fucking bags, it tops like every single Christmas list holy SHIT, and then CEO Bob Iger discovered he still had a few quadrillion dollars left in his back pocket after paying for some prostitutes whose tits he snorted crack cocaine off of, and he decided to bring his company in the fast food business with this acquisition and then they slapped the Disney logo on it like they do on every damn thing they own.
"wow this five-dollar fix-it felix long is really good," said Mack. "meh, the Baymax-L-T is much better," Lou argued. "Oh, you guys and your meats," Mack jested. "You got something to say about the Baymax-L-T?," Lou asked. "Not much, other than that if you really wanted to get a ton of animal flesh, the Hamada Hiro sandwich would have been a much better choice," Mack replied. "What? You haven't even tasted this yet, here take a bite," offered Lou, attempting to playfully stuff it in Mack's oral activity. "Ha ha! No, get that away from me!," Mack giggled. "Lou. stop trying to get your sister to put your meat in her mouth," Mac instructed. The table exploded injto laughter. "That's hilarious!," Mack cackled, "except now I'm going to have the image of my older brother raping me in my mind for the rest of the week! That's almost as bad as when I was traumatized after seeing Mom and Dad roughly screwing each other in the utility closet of a pub!" fuck yeah continuity
"Ah, good times, good times. Welp, if everyone's finished, let's mosey on back to the hideout," Doc suggested. "hi here's my token line someone pay attention to me," Annie added.
They all went back to their hideout, but when they did, they were unaware of the legion of Nintendo Ninjas hiding in the surrounding trees in the forest that encircled the entrance. The gang entered, and shortly after so did the Ninjas. No sooner had our heroes turned around then the Ninjas had lurched forth for the kill. In nothing but repeated motion blurs, the Ninjas moved through dozens of soldiers, snapping their necks and killing them in several other manual but no less horrifying ways, until they would reach Little Mac and friends in the back of the pack. Fortunately, they had already been near the elevator when the Ninjas landed in the room, and by the time they had ended all of the soldiers, our heroes had narrowly escaped behind the elevator doors.
When they reached a lower level, they poured out of the elevator and found plenty of soldiers already on the scene with weapons. "We've already arranged transport for you out of here, go! Now!," the leader of this specific troop commanded in a David Hayter-esque voice. "Hey, you sound familiar, do I know you?," Little Mac asked. "You might." He turned around, revealing that he was, in fact, Solid Snake. "I was in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, so you might've heard of me. However, after that, I got cut from the game along with some of the other sergeants here and joined the organization to prevent other video game characters from suffering the same pains. I don't typically hang out with the Nintendo crowd though, so I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't know much about me," he explained. "Well, what I do know is that you've got a fine-ass booty," Annie admired. "Yeah, I do, don't I?," Snake agreed, taking a glance at his butt, "I do a ton of glutes."
Suddenly, the sound of scampering was heard from inside of the elevator. "Alright, now get out of here! I'll see you on the other side!," Snake shouted. The others escaped, and the elevator doors soon after busted open and the Ninjas spilled out like spiders after you've made a hole in a particularly old and dusty wall. The soldiers fired upon them, but the Ninjas were too nimble and made quick waste of even the most elite among them. "Fall back!," Snake instructed. The soldiers took leaps back and continuing firing, and in the next room, some soldiers stood with cannons, blasting giant balls at the Ninjas. Still, the Ninjas stayed true to their name, missing all of the artillery and, in fancy slow-motion, jumping over the shot cannon balls, simultaneously killing everyone in the room. All hope lost, Snake abandoned telling his men what to do an took matters inside his own hands. He pulled out too very large blasters from no specific location, likely either out of thin air or his fabulous ass, and shot at the Ninjas. They, of course, took note of this. One Ninja leaped towards Snake and kicked him in the stomach. Snake dropped his weapons and flew back; the Ninja grabbed onto Snake's head and snapped his neck.
"PK FIRE!," shouted Lucas. Seconds before, our heroes made it throughout their doors, and from the clearly heard struggles behind them, the Ninjas weren't too far behind. Lucas used his magic to engulf the passageway in huge flames, aided by his soldiers with flamethrowers behind them. The Ninjas, seeing this, took the alternate route in the ventilation shaft. Going through the vents, they reached the other room and dropped down from the ceiling behind these valiant men. The Ninjas lunged towards them and they too did not make it out.
While some Ninjas dealt with obliterating Lucas and crew, the rest went after our heroes, who had just entered the next room. The defense force, led by Wolf O'Donnell, was already there however, and once the Ninjas entered their vicinity, Wolf and his legion of half-person half-animal people who looked like they had come into the fray from a horny furry's dreamscape sprang into action, tearing them apart. Nevertheless, a few Ninjas made it past this onslaught and caught up to the others. "Not today!," Mack screeched, pulling out her dual swords and slicing away Ninjas that reached for her. The last Ninja,, however, managed to knock Mack's weapons away from her and pin her to the ground. "Get away from my best friend, you fraggin' bitch!," Annie commanded, pulling out her bow and arrow and shooting the Ninja in the heart.
Annie grabbed Mack and pulled her along with her into the elevator everyone was piling into. Oh wait, did I say that was just one last Ninja that wasn't dealing with Wolf and his furry squad right now? I was wrong, there was two. The other last Ninja pounced on Little Mac, who too was still running for the elevator. Mac and the Ninja crashed through the walls and landed on a lower floor. "Dad!," Lou screamed, and he left the elevator and jumped through the hole to retrieve his near father. "BRUH!," Mack shouted, and was almost to leave too if Doc didn't hold her back. "We have to go!," he instructed, and the elevator doors closed as they rocketed up.
Meanwhile, Mac wrestled with the Ninja below. He kicked him off of him and then dealt a punch to the Ninja's chest that knocked the wind out of him. Mac then elbowed the Ninja in the neck, which probably hit one of his pressure points, as it was knocked out afterward. Thinking they were in the clear, Mac and Lou were then met by even more Ninjas that descended upon from the hole. In the ensuing battle, bodies were flung around the room, some of which dented that locked door that was casually mentioned awhile back. See, I told you that was foreshadowing something.
Mac took notice of this and said, "Quick! Let's hide in that room!" "No!," Lou screamed. Mac dashed towards it and pulled the door open, followed closely by Lou who repeatedly told him not to enter. Mac shut the door behind them and asked, "Why? It's much better than out there, what's the worst that could-? What the FUCK?!" Looking forward, Mac saw a cradle by which stood two individuals sleeping on the job. Mac froze. "Is that… my baby?"
And of course he was referring to the being in the cradle, not the too lazy-asses being lazy.
The elevator arrived at another room, one of the hideout's hangers which housed many of the organization's flying vehicles. Several of the ships were already occupied with personnel, and only one stayed open for our heroes to climb onto. Sergeants Popo and Nana commanded the troop on this level, the last line of defense for Doc and friends. As they piled onto the ship, the Ninjas broke through the elevator doors and did battle with the soldiers who fired rapidly upon them but, as we know by now, this was ineffective.
"You're not laying a finger on them, you damn dirty Ninjas!," Popo growled. "Let's get 'em!," Nana added. Wielding their hammers, the Ice Climbers charged towards their opponents and, demonstrating the most skill out of any of the Sergeants, worked together as a duo to pull off badass combo attacks and knock the Ninjas back successfully. However, they worked best as a pair, and when a Ninja managed to kick Nana back, away from Popo, their advantage had dissipated. By now, our heroes had piled into and closed the ship, and the Ninjas were now rocking the side of it in an attempt to get them to come out. "Nana! Open the exits! Let them get out!," Popo instructed, beating back Ninjas. "But what about you?!," Nana cried. "Forget about me, just do it!," Popo screamed. Nana turned her back to get to the control panel, just as Popo was overtaken by a Ninja.
Nana opened the exits from the control panel and the ships roared to life. In their ship, our heroes looked to see who their pilots were, Doc recognized them immediately, "Why, if it hasn't Glass Joe and Soda Popinski!" "hon hon hon," said co-pilot Glass Joe because he was very French. "My legal name is Vodka Drunkenski, Nintendo just changed it to Soda Popinski in 1987 to avoid controversy because they were a bunch of pussies!," corrected Soda Vodka in a thick Russian accent because he was very Russian. "Soda, Vodka, Wine, Root Beer, Lemonade, who cares, just get us out of here!," Annie yelled. "What the fuck do you think I am doing, little girl, having tea party?," Vodka asked. "Oi, just go already, Vodka! Geez, you damn Communists," interrupted Doc.
Meanwhile… "You had my baby all this time and you never told me about it?!," screamed Mac with a little bit of crying in there but it was a sexy-sounding crying because it was in his sexy half-Italian half-New York-ish accent he had cuz he was an Italian American from the Bronx. "Well, I did tell you that our organization took him and this is the only place where our organization is, where the fuck do you think he'd be?," inquired Lou. "I'm taking him back," said Mac in a firm tone. "No, you can't! You'd be creating a paradox, time has preordained that you are not to touch this child!," Lou warned. "Screw the universe, I just want to be with my boy!," replied Mac. "I am your boy!," Lou yelled.
Mac looked at him. "I… I thought we had finally reached that kind of relationship during our training. I thought… you finally saw me as your actual son…," he said, tears beginning to well up in his eyes, "But I guess you don't." "L-Lou, I…," stammered Mac. "It's not FAIR, dammit! I'll never have your love! I'll always be competing with someone and the worst thing is that person's ME! I'm fighting myself!" Lou sunk to the ground. "I'm fighting myself…"
He banged his head against the cradle and because it was a particularly shitty cradle it broke and the baby fell into Lou's arms. I'm pretty sure there's some time law that says that the same person from different times can't touch each other, which is why, at that moment, Lou said, "Aw cra-" before a giant burst of energy spread from the two of them, knocking out everything in the area, fortunately, including the Ninjas, and unfortunately including themselves.
"Wait, we can't go now! We have to wait for Dad and Lou!," Mack reminded. "Don't worry, I'm sure they'll make their way out. I mean, it's not like we're going to blow up the place or anything," Doc assured her. "Hey, that reminds me, Lou left specific instructions for us to blow up the place as soon as we escaped," Glass Joe spoke. "What?!," Mack cried. "Yeah, so scary Ninja peoples don't follow us and we can deal a major blow to Nintendo's armed forces," Vodka remembered. Glass Joe pulled out a remote from his bag and pressed it. Behind them, the hideout exploded in a brilliant display of colors, incinerating everyone and everything inside atomic bomb-style; heck, it even left behind a mushroom cloud, that's pretty neat.
"NOOOOO!," Mack screamed as the ship ascended into the clouds, out of view.
Meanwhile, in Kyoto, Japan…
"Uh, Iwata-sama," proclaimed another advisor who entered his room, "Commander Shibata and his troops are… um… all dead." "FUCKING FOREIGNERS!," Iwata yelled, throwing everything on his desk to the floor. "They killed the President of my European branch, they killed the President of my American branch…" "Well, actually, we were planning to kill the head of our American branch, they just got to it f-" "Fuck off!," Iwata screamed, "Alrightu then! If it's a fightu they want… it's a fightu they'll get! I'm jumping into the fray!"
-splash screen-
IWATA BRINGS THE FIGHT DIRECTLY TO YOU!
END OF BOOK THREE