Hi,

Thanks so much for the positive feedback! You know I love it:-)

This was only ever a one parter but I've added a little - hopefully this works ok spfan09? I hope you enjoy it. Please let me know. The next one I'm considering posting would require a lot more effort lol and there is a direct link for me between reviews and output!

Tab x

p.s. Remember this involves character death.

Five years part 2

'That was fun,' Pacey smiled at Joey as Holly dozed in the back seat.

'It was great to see you together. You know it's not always easy with her… she can, well she can tantrum with the best of the little madams, but it's all worth it.'

'You don't need to tell me that Jo. She's my daughter - I'll take the good with the bad until the day I die,' he knew she was sad. It was obvious, but he had a new calling in life and it was the small person in the backseat. Perhaps her mother too, if he were being honest with himself.

'Um… do you still want to come over this evening?' she asked with difficulty. He looked at her confused, wondering what she had missed in their earlier conversation about cooling things. Whatever his feelings for Joey, Holly had to come first, and that meant taking things slowly and honesty. Apparently Joey wasn't being honest with m and it irked him.

'And hang with Holly?' Pacey looked over his shoulder at the beautiful girl.

'Ummm well she'll be in bed… but I think we need to talk about a few things asap.'

'I guess we do,' Pacey nodded and reaching over ran a finger over her lips. He wasn't sure what made him do it. They looked plump and expectant and fragile. 'I'll see you tonight,' he leant over and kissed her cheek before jumping out.

'8 is great,' Joey called out.

Holly and Amy were bathed, their stories done and they were both in bed fast asleep. Jen had left for her date in a flurry of perfume and heels. Joey looked at herself in the mirror and panicked. Her hair was held in a loose bun, tendrils flying onto her face. Her shorts were soaked after a rather splashy bath with the two girls. Her top was an old hockey shirt Pacey had worn the night they made Holly. She had told him she would return it, she never had preferring to keep it as her "at home" top. She realised pretty quick she needed to do something but there was a knock at the door.

'Crap,' she muttered looking at her watch - 7.35 - trust Pacey to be early. Cursing under her breath she answered the door and smiled.

'Hey,' he was leaning against the door frame, hands in the pockets of his shorts, the most gorgeous man she had ever seen.

'You're early,' she announced and he laughed wondering if she had deliberately made herself irresistible.

'I need to change,' she told him putting a hand to her wet shorts.

'You shouldn't,' his eyes surveyed her from head to toe and her cheeks reddened under his appreciative stare.

'My shorts are wet,' she muttered.

'Your top is mine,' he held out a hand as if expecting it.

'I'm not taking it off here,' she mumbled her broken heart still scrabbling in her chest.

'Do you know how long I looked for that?'

'Couldn't remember where you misplaced it hmm?' she asked feeling hurt soar through the scar in her heart.

'Oh I remember little girl,' his voice lowered and he wanted her despite his protests. 'You said you'd return it, in fact you told me you'd left it in a bag in the hall at my leaving party…'

'It's mine now,' Joey stated haughtily.

'I didn't give it to you,' Pacey had no idea why he was pushing it except for the words "Tell him" that kept scrolling through his mind in Dougs handwriting.

'You know what Pacey - you have your damn top,' Joey ripped the garment from her thin frame, exposing her bra and causing Pacey to gape. 'I don't want the damn thing anymore. Who cares what meaning it's had for me for the last five years. It's got a hole in it anyway. You have the damn thing,' she turned and stalked off to her room so she could put something else on. Despite her plan earlier in the evening to dress pretty she pulled off her shorts and pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a hoody instead, adding a head band to her hair to keep the wisps from her eyes, then to make a point she put on her glasses, then stalked out of her room and into the kitchen where she found Pacey clearing up after dinner.

'You don't need to do that,' she muttered.

'I don't mind,' he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. She was clearly trying to make a point with her scruffy clothes but she just kept getting more and more irresistible and more and more gorgeous. 'I didn't know you wear glasses.'

'Well five years of book reading change your eyes - it changes a lot of things.'

'You're mad at me,' he stated leaning nonchalantly against the counter.

'Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you?' she slammed the dishwasher closed.

'Good question. Maybe because you want me to kiss you,' he reached a hand over and slipped his thumb under the rim of her glasses and onto her temple. For several moments they remained like that until Joey pushed him away.

'Yeah ok, you got me. I am mad that you don't want to kiss me anymore. I totally get it but it was nice. You and me, being together felt good and it felt right. I'm also mad… just mad… just so mad,' she pushed her hands under her glasses and forced back the tears.

'Joey,' Pacey took a step toward her, 'Jo,' he pulled her against his chest wrapping her tightly in his arms.

Five Years Earlier...

Something was different about Pacey but Joey couldn't put her finger on what. He seemed to have let go in some way. He was relaxed and happy. Really, really happy. He'd just finished his 5th year of medicine in Boston and he seemed like he was enjoying the summer. He'd been pretty chilled for the vacation but something had happened because he was suddenly lighter and happier than Joey had ever seen him, even than when he got accepted to study medicine.

The party was Dawson's idea. The party hater wanted to celebrate the end of the vacation. He'd invited loads of kids, kids they hadn't even been friends with back in high school. Joey couldn't say she was sorry about the numbers - they hid her from Dawson and her stupid decision to give it ago. She didn't know what she'd been thinking - summer had made her nostalgic and despite hanging out with Pacey more than Dawson she'd been persuaded by the latter to give it another go. But she hadn't wanted to and it had predictably ended rather quickly.

Pacey was looking at her again across the circle around the fire. He'd been looking at her all evening and her skin was glowing from the attention. With Dawson she'd have been pissed, with Pacey she was flattered, turned on. He did something to her no one else seemed able to. He made her want to break the years of normality and just be herself not who everyone expected her to be.

'He's looking again,' Jen announced helpfully.

'I know.'

'Go for a walk - I'll bet he follows,' Jen added.

'I'm not going to do that…' Joey muttered unconvincingly. At the end of the day she was going to do as Jen suggested, not because she'd drunk five tequila shots and several Malibu and cokes, but because she'd always been intrigued about Pacey. They'd argued until they were blue in the face, bantered, been close and then drifted away but there'd always been something underlying, something electric and different and interesting and inescapable.

'Fine,' she murmured and stood up brushing off her skirt without looking over at Pacey.

'Go to my room, Grams is away, I'll stay here tonight,' Jen whispered without looking at her somehow knowing what was going to happen even if Joey hadn't fully accepted it. It took her only a few moments to make her way to Jens slipping in the open front door. She paused in the entrance not sure what to do before heading up to Jen's room. It was only a couple of minutes later that there was a soft knock at the door letting her know he was there. She turned and looked at Pacey as he approached her not stopping until he was right in front of her, big, strong and enigmatic as he'd always been.

'You following me?' she asked as she looked up to catch his eye.

'Yeah,' he nodded simply.

'Why?' she could almost feel his fingers on hers.

'Why do you think?' he smiled and let his fingers slip between hers.

'Pacey…' she didn't know what she was trying to say.

'You know I've always wanted you,' he shrugged adorably and reached a hand toward her mouth before covering it with his own causing her to moan involuntarily and press herself as close to him was as humanly possible. 'Always liked you…' he whispered between kisses, 'needed you…'

'Pacey,' again with his name as she urged his naked skin to connect with hers as they somehow, unknowingly removed the barriers between themselves so desperate was the need to connect.

It was only moments before they were lying on Jen's bed, his hand travelling every concourse of her body until at her insistence he was over her, in her, moving, kissing, caressing, loving, making every atom come to life and explode so forcefully she felt they were fused. Until they were fused, until they lay sated but unmoving, his body in hers. She turned her head slightly after several minutes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, then to his other cheek, then his forehead, his eyes, his nose and his mouth. Leaning on his elbow so he could look at her, very aware that he was still inside her he gazed in adoration.

'I wish I'd done that months ago, years ago…' he murmured. She couldn't seem to speak and so she nodded, lowering her eyes in sheer disbelief at the comfort it gave her to have him so close. Her eyes widened as he filled her again, a slightly sheepish smile on his face. 'You're gorgeous,' he said by way of explanation, but she silenced him with a kiss marvelling at the miracle of him inside her.

The next morning she awoke with a blurry head and the warmth of Pacey's chest against her cheek.

'Hey beautiful,' he whispered as her eyes fluttered open. Embarrassment flooded her. She'd never slept with anyone, never had someone kiss her there, never shouted someone's name so loudly she feared the next door neighbours would hear, never wanted someone so much she could scarcely breathe. But this was Pacey, Pacey holding her naked body, the body she really wasn't sure of, Pacey with whom she'd always had an up and down relationship, Pacey who was Dawson's best friend and whilst Dawson tended to piss her off nowadays he'd been her best friend whilst Pacey had been… had been what? She was no longer sure.

And so Joey had done what she'd always done. Borrowing Pacey's hockey shirt leaving him looking undeniably sexy in his vest she'd parted from him and gone to sit on the end of the dock, where Dawson had found her, and where she'd told Dawson what had happened. Not like Pacey always thought because of loyalty to Dawson but because of loyalty to Pacey and the night they'd spent together. So he knew she wasn't ashamed. Of course when Pacey found out Dawson knew, and boy did he find out, he'd assumed she was ashamed, was putting Dawson over him, or whatever, and so she'd got cross, shouted some abuse and left for Boston, only to return when Jen told her Pacey was leaving. She didn't even know she was pregnant but she couldn't speak to him, couldn't bare that he was leaving, that he'd taken her heart whether he'd done so an hour before, two weeks before, two years before, or even that first time they met in the sandbox in Kindergarten. But he was taking it. Despite the long drawn out romantic affair with Dawson it was Pacey who had had her all along.

Present day...

In two days her heart was entwined with his and it was no surprise - she was pretty sure her heart had always been entwined with his. She'd fallen in love with him when they spent the night together in Jen's room, the room she now lived in. Or at least she'd become aware of love that was already there and she'd thought it was two way. But then he was leaving - and he'd slept with her knowing he was leaving. She was hurt, mad, furious.

'Let's go sit down,' she told him pushing away from the warmth of his chest and heading for the lounge.

'I'm trying to do what's right…' Pacey began as they sat his hands somehow working their way to hers, his lips desperate for the feel of her skin under them. 'It's just so impossible with you, you just… you've always done it, sent my heart crazy, made me want you so much I can hardly see,' he pulled her closer. 'I was wrong earlier today Jo… I don't want to cool things, but I do want to do right by Holly. I also want to do right by you and right by me, and my gut is telling me that there's something between you and me that ain't going away…'

'Pacey stop,' Joey interrupted him unable to bare it any longer 'Please stop…'

'Ok…' he seemed uncertain. 'What's going on Jo?'

'You asked me about Holly's deafness. You've asked me about a lot of things. I need to tell you about what happened after you left…'

'Ok,' Pacey nodded, 'I'd like to know.'

'I did a pregnancy test about a week, maybe ten days after you were gone. I wasn't even sure where - you said England… I mean how vague is that? I confided in Jen - I knew she was pregnant at that point and we both spent some time berating our situation. Amy's dad had already buggered off and without you around I was all alone. Bessie was proper mad and of course only certain friends were supportive.'

'I'm sorry Jo… I'm so sorry… you must have been so mad and well…'

'Pacey, I'm not done… I'm afraid this gets a whole lot worse. I um… I had my appointment at the doctors a couple of weeks later, they did all the usual internals, scans, and blood tests.'

'And Holly was ok?'

'Holly was fine. I wasn't. I was sick Pace. Really, really sick. So sick they wanted me to abort the baby rather than risk getting her to a point when she could be born.'

'What was it?' he was pale under his tan and his voice was strained, his fingers fidgeted with hers, tugging her closer.

'It's obvious Pace. I had cancer. I had a secondary tumour on my ovary, the primary tumour was on my liver…'

'Your liver?' Pacey knew what it meant and was unable to stop the tears that pricked at his eyes.

'I was going to die. There is no conclusive evidence about the effects of chemo on an unborn baby. I had to have it Pace otherwise there would be no baby. They were amazed I was still alive, still functioning. It was funny, the diagnosis kind of brought on the symptoms. I was sick Pace. Really, really sick. It kind of got in the way of everything else, like telling your parents, searching for you, everything. We were all consumed by it. Jen, Jack, Bessie… and Holly kept me going. You kept me going. They needed to do more invasive treatment and so they delivered her at 29 weeks. It was do that or we'd both die. We were both in hospital. She was in special care and I was in surgery, then more chemo, more radiotherapy. I couldn't breastfeed, I could barely hold her, but I did. She was everything. I got better… but not really.'

'Don't say it…' Pacey was unable to stem the flow of tears.

'I'm dying Pace. And not in a year, or six months or even 3. Well three if I'm lucky and I don't think lucky is a word we associate with me anymore. Holly knows. She's always known I was sick, that unlike other mommy's I wouldn't be around forever… she was going to stay here with Jen… but you're her dad… if you want to… well you can be there… but do it gently. Here with Jen, Amy and me is all she's known… Amy is like a sister and Jen… a second mom…'

'I told you not to say it,' Pacey covered his eyes with his hands his body shaking. 'Please just… take it back or something…' he pulled her onto his lap, pulled at her until she was as close as he could get her. 'I want you… I want to fall in love with you, I want to remember that I'm already in love with you, that I've always been in love with you. I want to have all those moments Jo. I don't want this to be happening…it's not fair.'

'No Pace it's not,' Joey held his head in her arms, running her hands soothingly through his hair. 'None of it's fair but it's my lot, Holly's lot and now yours and I'm sorry.'

'Sorry?' Pacey looked up at her with wide eyes. 'You don't ever need to be sorry Jo. God… I'm such an idiot. I've wasted five years. Five years without you in it and now it's going to be a life time. I'm such an idiot and you…' Pacey hated that it took the truth to put the last twenty-eight years of his life into place, for him to see the truth of what Joey had always been, to understand why all roads led to her, why she was the one that stayed with him always. 'How long…'

'You don't want to know.'

'Joey….'

'About 8 weeks if nothing gives out. Things have started to go down hill. The cancer is everywhere - I've got liver failure, I'm loosing weight, loosing control. I keep fainting and the pain… well pain control is everything. I'm just trying to enjoy life now… prepare Holly but keep things normal. I'm kind of hoping it will be sudden, that I won't become bedridden and awful, that I'll just die in my sleep.'

'I want to stay tonight Jo…'

'Pace…'

'I want to stay with you forever…'

'It's only been two days.'

'It's been our whole lives and you know it,' he told her simply, 'I love you.'

'Good,' it made her breathe easier.

'Could you love me?' despite his world wide confidence he was innocently hopeful.

'I'll say it a million times if you want me to Pace. I love you. I really, really love you. I've always loved you. I don't ever want it to be to late.'

'What now?'

'Take me to bed please?' she whispered. 'Being with you makes me feel alive.'

'Good morning,' he whispered the words into her ear and watched her smile in a half sleep.

'Mmmm,' she stretched and this time he was looking for the signs of sickness and he saw the way she winced. The thing was she didn't look as ill as he knew she should. He couldn't help feeling optimistic despite his rather educated brain than knew otherwise. He knew what it meant better than anyone and yet in the early morning sunrise he stared at this beautiful girl and he felt deep inside of him that someone had got something wrong. That somehow he knew better than the rest of them and she was going to be ok. They had a kid together. A little girl who needed her mother. He hadn't been a father to the small girl for the first four and a half years of her life and suddenly he was a father, but not only that - he was going to be a single father, and Holly - she'd have no clear memories of the mom that had cared for her, and yet she'd remember him, the guy that waltzed in five years after the event and took over. And Pacey knew how to be an excellent doctor, he could care for the sick, the war wounded, the starving, but he wasn't sure what kind of dad he might be. It wasn't like he could aim to copy his dad and hope for the best either. And Holly seemed to be a gorgeous, bright thing, but there was no denying that her inability to hear added another layer to things. He didn't know sign language and everything from schooling to dating was going to be harder for her.

'You want a cup of something hot?' he asked because whatever his fears he knew that he loved the woman lying next to him, and he loved his daughter, even if it was the duty bound love of a father at this point, and he would do anything for them.

'In a minute,' she traced a finger over the defined muscles of his stomach, her hand sliding over the evidence of his attraction to her, before sliding all the way up to his chest. 'I feel like we need to talk. A lot.'

'I know what you mean,' he agreed. 'I...' he trailed off, but shuffled down in the bed so they were lying face to face and trailed a finger over her cheek. 'I just...'

'I think it may help for you to see my medical notes and Holly's.'

'Yes,' he nodded in relief. 'Yes that would really help.'

'I have been making a...I guess a how to book on Holly. That sounds wrong, but a book to explain how I've done things. Though you must do things your way, I'd love it if she could have a little something of me to take her forward. It has all her favourite things in - what she eats, or doesn't, her favourite teddy bear, you know silly things.'

'Not silly,' he shook his head. 'Can I ask about her hearing, about cochlear implants?'

'You can ask,' Joey frowned, 'that's been a complex one with her doctors divided. Holly is entirely deaf and the implants would provide definite improvement. I wanted to get them for her but...well the cost,' she frowned, hiding her face in embarrassment.

'The cost?' he asked, rather dumbly.

'I couldn't afford them Pacey. Not with all my medical bills,' she looked at him and he recognized that he really didn't have a clue about the last five years.

'Oh wow,' he shifted away from her sitting up on the bed. 'I just never...I...'

'We're good Pace,' she said simply. 'Honestly. If you choose to do that for her, just make sure you read up everything. I've read that a deaf person can feel slightly displaced from the deaf community after receiving them and Holly has a wide circle of deaf friends. She has a place at a school in Boston for September. She is really excited. Sad that she won't be at school with Amy but happy enough. She doesn't see her deafness as a negativity and I don't want her to.'

'No she is perfect,' Pacey agreed looking up at the sound of small feet. Holly was stood in the doorway looking uncertain, a teddy clutched in her hand, all soft and sleepy in her pyjamas, her hair a messy halo around her head. Her eyes were on her mother who had slipped on his old hockey shirt in record time and opened up the covers. With an uncertain look at her bare chested father she scampered across the room and into the warm cocoon beside Joey, her mother wrapping around her and kissing her until Holly was making a noise that sounded like giggles. It was the first sound he'd heard his silent child make and it was beautiful. He edged closer until he was pressed against Joey. Maybe he should have been concerned by his nakedness but he wasn't, especially as he was hidden by the covers. Holly frowned at him and signed to Joey.

'What's he doing here?' Joey translated for Holly. Continuing to speak as she replied to her daughter, 'he stayed the night.' Holly made a face at that and Joey laughed before signing, 'no it's not yuk. I love him.' Holly made a face and signed,

'Is he still my dad?' Joey translated and Pacey nodded his head.

'Always,' Joey answered and Pacey copied the sign. Holly stared for a moment and then signed again, Joey speaking for her,

'And you're still my mommy even if you love him?'

'Oh Hol,' Joey pressed kisses to her daughters cheeks, 'I've always loved him and I've always been your mom and loved you. Nothing will ever stop those things being true.'

'Ok,' Holly nodded simply. 'Breakfast?'

'Sure,' Joey signed and slipped out of bed with her daughter. Pacey couldn't help but stare at the long exposed length of Joey's legs, disappearing under the hem of his hockey shirt. He had to keep repeating to himself that he had a daughter. That he had a daughter with Joey. That Joey would die.

'You know I wasn't going to come home,' he said as he pulled on jeans and followed them down the stairs, forgoing a shirt.

'You weren't?' Joey turned some cartoons on for Holly. 'She always gets cartoons on the weekend - it's a right of childhood. Weekend cartoons in your pyjamas?'

'Yes,' he chuckled and watched as Joey pulled out flour and began to mix up pancakes.

'Where were you going to go?'

'There was a month between finishing work up in Nigeria and when I was going to head Pakistan. I thought about going through England. I have a bunch of friends there but I kinda wanted to resolve some issues here.'

'What issues?' she asked, hoping she was one of them but knowing that really he meant his family.

'Well my brother and sisters. I missed them. Crackly phone calls and emails aren't really a substitute for seeing them. I also thought it was time I fixed things with my folks. They aren't getting any younger and it pulls me down to know that we're in this awful standoff.'

'They've mellowed you know. They're pretty good to Holly. Your dad even learned sign language.'

'But he didn't offer to pay for cochlear implants or email me...' Pacey grumbled and so Joey left the pancake mix and put her hands on the bare skin at his waist and pressed a kiss to his chest. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her,

'They paid my bills Pace. Some of them. They helped me not be in debt. If they'd had the money they would have. I asked them to but they said Holly was better off with her mother and deaf than the other way. I agreed.'

'Oh,' he pressed featherlight kisses to her cheek. 'I've missed a lot. Why did no one tell me? My brother, my family?'

'You were in and out of contact more than you think. It was tough to slip it into a garbled conversation with a crackly line. Doug said it a couple of times even, you never heard.'

'There's no crackle on an email?'

'I guess it isn't easy to put things into an email. I know I tried. My drafts folder is full of emails to you, full of photos. I was a wimp. I knew you'd come back. I knew you'd abandon the dreams you had and all you'd worked for and come back.'

'I came back for you anyway,' he admitted.

'Huh?'

'I wanted to see my siblings. I even wanted to sort things with my parents, but it was you. I've never been able to forget you, to pretend you mean less than you did. I missed you and I couldn't stop wondering if things might have been different if I'd stayed. I was in all these places all over the world and yet everywhere I went I would think of you. What would Joey think? Would she like it here? What's she doing right now?'

'That means a surprising amount to me,' she whispered.

'It does?' he looked down at her with a sceptical look all over his face, 'because the way I see it, it have meant a whole lot more to you if I'd been here.'

'You know, when I found out I was pregnant, when I found out I was sick, when all this stuff happened and life quite literally fell apart I decided I had to let go of the anger, the frustration, the constant what if's because they were dangerous. That night gave me a beautiful, funny, sweet daughter who may have always been deaf. I have your daughter, and you - you've always made me feel special, like whatever it is between us was somehow different to the usual love affairs. I've loved hanging onto the notion that I wouldn't have got pregnant if Holly wasn't somehow meant to be, if you and I weren't somehow meant to be. I know that's crazy, but it was a positive way to see things and I enjoyed flirting with the romantic side of myself. You and Holly - I owe the last five years to you, else I might not have discovered my illness before there was time to buy me time.'

'As long as I live I will regret that no one sent me an email saying Joey is having your baby and is sick.'

'Pace, I love you. You haven't been back for five years and there is a reason for that. You came back because you were ready and that's fine by me. I know you missed a lot but it wasn't fun. You - you get the best bit of Holly's life, the memories. You get to take her on vacations she'll never forget, raise her to be a wonderful woman. You get to meet her children, see what she becomes and she's smart Pace - she can be anything. The baby bit is lovely and magical, but you get the best bit. You get to be her father when she's really going to need one.'

'And you would give anything to be there for that?' he asked softly.

'I would give anything,' she agreed, blinking and causing a cascade of tears. 'Enjoy what you get Pace.'

'I don't get you,' he felt tears in his eyes.

'No, but you get the best thing I ever made.'

They got a week. It was an excellent week tinged with pain and sadness. For one week they got to be a family and he'd loved it. Loved putting Holly to bed, eating breakfast together, giving baths, and learning to communicate with his daughter in her silent world. He loved Joey, loved her first thing in the morning, and loved her last thing at night, face scrubbed free of makeup wearing nothing but his hockey jersey. He loved getting to be intimate with her, learning her body and how to make it unravel. In less than a week their lives were entwined so deeply he could scarcely understand how they hadn't been that way forever.

That last day he'd known something was wrong and so had Joey. She'd kept fading out of conversations. They'd eaten dinner with Jen and Amy, Jack and Doug and they'd all known what it meant. Even Holly had sat close to her mother. Just the day before they'd gone for a walk. It had been so romantic, even with Holly swinging between them. They'd picked up some clothes for Holly, and he'd stopped by to talk to the small hospital about a job for Pacey. That day Joey had had energy. Sure she'd rested whilst he cooked dinner, but that night she'd rolled her naked body into his, her hands roaming and her mouth following them. In the morning she slept in. Holly had stared at her sleeping mother and signed at Pacey who didn't understand. Something about sleep. Then Holly had signed Jen's name repeatedly and so Pacey had gone to the door that connected the two apartments and Jen had come immediately, explaining that if Joey was hard to wake Holly had been told to fetch her mother's best friend.

'I'll take care of the girls, you check Joey over,' Jen had said and he'd stared at her, unable to comprehend. 'You're a doctor Pace,' Jen had explained carefully and he knew what she was saying then, that this might be the beginning of the end.

He'd sat on the bed and done the tests he could, taken some blood but really he could tell, that for whatever reason over night something had failed and that Joey was going to die sooner rather than later. He'd cried then, his face pressed to her chest, unable to grasp that this would be it. This life he'd returned for was over and something new was happening. He'd never conceptualized a life with a daughter, though he'd always seen his children having Joey as their mother. And there had always been a mother in his loose, disjointed thoughts on the subject. But he was to lose this girl he'd loved forever and become responsible for their daughter, a girl he didn't know. A week had taught him that he did love her and beyond the requisite fatherly love. She was amazing. Funny, intuitive, stubborn. At length, with tears still falling onto her chest, he'd felt a hand in his hair and he'd lain beside of her. They'd stared into each other's eyes for a long time.

'I should get up,' she insisted at length and he helped her stand. She was too weak though and so he'd carried her to the bathroom to freshen up and then down the stairs. They'd spent the day together, Holly snuggled almost permanently into her mother's side. Holly and Joey had taught him some sign language. It was a bitty day. As Joey slept Holly and Amy played. Doug and Jack called over, and Pacey was reunited with Dawson - a cold and bitter reunion but Pacey didn't care much because his life had a new focus. Even his folks came over, his mom delivering food and his dad sitting beside Joey and talking, hugging his tiny granddaughter on his knee. This was something Pacey hadn't ever thought he would see.

They ate dinner in the living room, a space Joey and Jen shared. Doug and Jack had returned for that. Holly had sat on one side of Joey and Pacey on the other. Joey hadn't eaten or been awake for most of the meal. Doug and Jack had offered to put Holly to bed but Pacey had done it. His first experience of doing something for Holly alone. She'd asked him to lay on the bed with her and he had done so, one hand stroking her soft hair, his eyes marvelling at the perfection of his daughter. She fell asleep quickly, and it was only that the love of his life lay dying elsewhere that pulled Pacey from the enchanting sight of his daughter and the luxury of lying next to her small sweetness.

At around nine he'd carried Joey upstairs. She awoke enough to use the bathroom and he helped her do her teeth before carrying her back through to her room.

'Sleep without your shirt,' she'd said as he lay her in the bed and he'd nodded.

'I should make some Paceyesq joke about you sleeping without yours,' he mused and she smiled.

'I think tonight it best stay on,' her voice was broken. She didn't sound much like Joey after only a day.

'Hmm,' he muttered. 'I'll brush and use the bathroom and be right back.'

'Ok.'

She was still awake when he returned and she rolled into him. He pulled her against him and she pressed a soft kiss to his bare chest.

'Why did you name her Holly?' he asked.

'She arrived near Christmas. I was sick. Holly is so pretty and she was so pretty. She was in the neonatal intensive care...' she paused, 'some kids that are born early...they have hearing problems, you know...'

'I know,' he reassured.

'Someone...an older volunteer knits hats for the premies...Holly's had holly on it.'

'That's a sweet story,' he kissed her head.

'I should have told you,' she whispered, 'and I'm sorry. You should have had all the information to make a decision on. I'm just glad you came back anyway.'

'I love you Jo. It is what it is, isn't that what you said?'

'Yes,' she nodded. 'I love you too. Look after our daughter.'

'I promise,' he swiped at tears, but continued to hold her close.

As soon as Pacey awoke he knew something was wrong. How long since she'd passed he couldn't say but she was still warm and pliant to his touch. Tears burned his eyes, hot, ready and very heavy. It was too much and it was real. It was too damn real. Unforgiving. Life was unforgiving. A sound at the door caught his attention and he saw Holly stood there, a little life in a large baggy t-shirt that belonged to Joey. She was staring at her mother and she knew. Pacey knew she knew and did the only thing he could, he opened his arms to her. When she ran into them he knew that it would all be new for both of them but they would be ok.