Sorry for the two day break! I didn't feel inspired so I didn't want to write anything lackluster. Time for some secrets to be revealed in this chapter. :DD And please please review! I still haven't been getting a ton. :(

xoxo

THR

Chapter 30

Your name was Kaiden Alenko and you weren't sure what to say when you were called into the office of Admiral Steven Hackett. As you sat in the hot seat, you began to ponder the purpose of your visit and the impact that the Admiral had on your life in the most indirect ways.

You had sort of met the man before during your first tour of duty aboard the Normandy. Your contact had been limited to overhearing the transmissions that your Commander took note of while overseeing the vast picture of the galaxy that occupied the stealth ship's control center. However, the things Shepard said about him made him seem like a divine god. He was a human who had served under the Alliance for as long as you could remember. When you had enlisted, he was a man to look up to. As you rose in the rankings, he did too. You would see his name on the Extranet or hear of his great victories while riding on a Citadel elevator.

You had never spoken to the man face to face or convened with him in person. Considering his background, you didn't think you had to meet him to know that he was the best soldier in all of the Alliance.

His office, although spacious, gave you a feeling of utter emptiness that you couldn't quite put your finger on. The room was encased in all glass and was set up with minimalistic furniture, which was now the norm for Earth decor. The view of the Vancouver skyline put you in a place that soothed the inner workings of the soul that you thought that you had lost. The Canadian municipality had been the roots of your own childhood. It was the home of your entire family. Appreciating its beauty was something you seldom did until you were forced to onto Gagarin Station in your youth. The station for biotics was nicknamed "Brain Camp" by the kids who had attended. The view of space stayed beautiful for a brief amount of time. After a few weeks there when you were still a child, you got to understanding how empty space was. There were no bustling cities outside of the station. There was nothingness.

Now, you treasured Vancouver with the little bit of innocence you still had left.

After you left the Horizon colony because of the Collector attack, you had kept a low profile. You had even let loose and hooked up with a few girls, which would have been disastrous for your old self back when you were fighting Saren. It wasn't like you to be so wild. After seeing Shepard working for Cerberus, you reasoned that it was time to go a little rogue yourself.

You had your fun and stayed on Earth to tie up some loose ends afterwards. Spending hours with your parents and taking the time to form solid bonds with friends of yours had taken up most of your time once your distant wild streak came to an abrupt close. Not being on duty wasn't something you could handle at first.

Now you felt like you were enjoying it.

The Admiral's request to see you was one that was filled with deception and uncharted secrets. The call came late last night while you were participating in an Turian style drinking game with one of your cousins. You had been lucky that the call came in while you were still somewhat sober.

It had been from a secretary. She gave you a time and a place. It was out of the blue and inconclusive at first.

The whole thing felt like a trap. The woman provided no credentials or precise evidence.

Doubting Hackett wasn't something a single marine did even if the Admiral worked for the Navy. It felt dictator-like, but this man had never committed a single wrong action in his entire service career. If you defied him, there would be no way a promotion would be attainable. He wasn't just a member of the Alliance; he was the Alliance.

Your qualms subsided the second you noticed that the address given to you had been the one of the Alliance Headquarters. Getting through security had been a bitch, but as soon as you saw the Admiral step into his office, it all felt worth it. His entrance had been alarming; he entered without notice and was outfitted with a full entourage. It popped you out of your thoughts and into the real world.

"Major Alenko? I don't believe we've met in person. Steven Hackett, Fifth Fleet, Alliance Navy."

You observed proper protocol only to be put at ease a few seconds later. A salute lasting more than a few seconds was unacceptable to him in this sort of environment; he preferred handshakes.

A pool of bodyguards followed him around and this whole routine felt like a song and dance that was on a permanent repeat. This happened to him every day. Meeting marines like you was the norm.

At least that's what the current environment evoked.

His hands were dry and firm and you wondered if your own father had been able to talk to someone so high up in the chain of command. If there was a poster boy for a perfect soldier, it would be Hackett.

With a flick of his hand, the guard soldiers fluttered away as if he was a wizard casting a complicated spell. You desperately wanted to be close and personal with this man. If you could, you would.

It would be an unprofessional relationship, though; you wanted a promotion, not a friendship.

"Yes, sir." you replied, your palms covered in a light coat of sweat. "I was stationed at Horizon for a covert investigation against Cerberus. I came into contact with Commander Shepard there, too. Before that I served under her and Anderson for the Alliance and eventually the Citadel. It's been a great ride, Admiral, but I can't say that I know why I'm here."

You mentally kicked yourself. This man didn't want to know your life story.

He sat down behind his desk, which meant that it was probable that standing up would make you look like an fool.

"Your record is pristine. In fact, it's more impressive than I could have ever hoped for. The Alliance called me and told me to dispatch you for a variety of reasons. They've got some plans for you, Alenko. Big plans."

Your name was Major Kaiden Alenko and you walked out of the Admiral's office that day with new accomplishments to be proud of.

You were now appointed to be the head of the First Special Operations Biotic Company that was to be formed after your new assignment. Hackett himself had requested you to go on a mission into the Terminus System. Known only as Arrival, the anticipated time of departure was to be in a few weeks

To make things even better, you would be working with the Commander herself the entire time.

Your name was Liz Shepard and you did not like Huerta Memorial Hospital.

The hatred you held for the place could be considered rational. It wasn't unusual for soldiers to hate hospitals in the first place. It reminded you of things of the past that you tried too hard to cast away. The platoons of matching dead bodies were covered in white sheets and paraded around for all to see and your fists clenched in anger and guilt. Bile crept up your throat when you would see doctors pound their entangled hands onto a person's chest; those compressions were futile attempts to keep the dead living. The place was busy regardless of all of these morbid activities that took place right under the staff's noses. People screamed and ran around in the same paths day after day in the name of modern medicine. When you watched them it felt like they were just running around in circles.

The worst thing about Huerta was not any of this, though. For others, your worst fear was trivial. It was nothing more than something that was observed and questioned. For you, it was your worst nightmare.

It was the patients receiving therapy out in the lounge.

As if they were animals in a zoo, mental patients were thrown out into the real world for their sessions with a counselor. There was no privacy. Everyone could see them and hear about their false hopes and past hardships as they droned on to a doctor that didn't give a real damn. There were more ex-soldiers out there than there had ever been now. It was because of the war.

The Reapers had done irreversible damage to people. They had done more than destroy a galaxy; they had eliminated the body and soul of every life that they had touched in some sort of form. Their toxicity had even leaked through to the civilians, driving some of them to the point of madness. None of them shared the same mortal trepidation as the enlisted, though. They populated the majority of the hospital along with their doctors.

You walked into the patient lounge and didn't hold your partner's hand. It would be a sign of weakness and you feared that maybe one day you would be in the same position as the distressed soldiers. You couldn't see yourself talking to someone who had a more peaceful life than you ever had. These doctors didn't know what you had been through. They didn't know the pain of losing your entire squad to some sort of sentient being that wanted to annihilate your entire world. There was no way for them to feel a bullet penetrating the sole barriers of their shields. The snapping of their last lifeline wasn't a sensation that they would ever worry about. All you had to use to explain it were your words, and there was no way that it could be enough.

A warm, deep breath exited your lips and you looked around for some sort of indication that this was the real place you were supposed to be. Nobody acknowledged your arrival.

Everyone was paying attention to the bustling noise and dying patients instead.

You were used to commanding a room. Now you were nothing more than another patient.

"They came close to killing me…they left me to rot with the rest of the husks! I was betrayed!"

Your ears perked up and the solid recollections of the apparent basket cases echoed throughout the lounge. Their stories were all you could hear. There were no more screeches or orders coming from medical professionals.

Your mind was being filled with stories as if it were a carrier frigate being loaded with cargo.

"I was the head Commando in my squad until I killed a civilian out of complete rage. Damn, it sounds horrifying when I say it! I didn't mean to do it!"

You listened and tried your hardest not to scream. These people were more like you than you wanted to believe. They were on your level.

The urges in your brain tore away the barrier than you created for yourself. Garrus soon felt a familiar hand wrap around his talon, which was a subtle sign that expressed how much support you needed.

"Shepard," he said, his voice quiet. You hadn't noticed your own tears until his scale encrusted skin wiped them away. "If you're not ready for this, then we can just go home."

"Go home?"

Your voice shook while you talked and you were insulted. Did he not realize that you were entirely sane enough for this? Even if you weren't, you could pretend like you were and it would all be okay.

"Going home is not an option! I need this! I don't want it but there's nothing I can do about it!"

His hand slipped out of your grasp. He didn't want to disrupt you any further.

"Yes, ma'am."

The sentence slipped out like a figment of the past. He used to call you that every day back when the SR-1 was still in existence. It was the bluntest type of formalness that you despised. However, his respect for you had been never ending. It took you ages for him to drop the adult-like title. Sometimes he would still call you it as a joke.

This time, his tone was anything but jocund.

"Commander!"

You knew that voice better than anyone else in the entire hospital. A figure approached the both of you before you could protest. You considered this a good thing; there was no way you could tolerate an argument right now.

You blinked a few times when you saw who it was. Perhaps a verbal dispute would have been better if you had been told who you were about to face.

The man who had approached was one that you had once had the capacity to have feelings for. He was taller than you by a long shot and possessed muscles that would make anyone fall to their knees in infatuation or envy. His hairstyle hadn't changed since your last encounter; it was slicked back and not a single hair was out of place. His shore leave uniform was also identical to what he used to wear and you recalled teasing him about his fashion sense. You didn't want to admit the inevitable, though.

Not in this state of mind.

You weren't about to let yourself come to terms with how handsome this man was. The two of you had a past that you had never brought up for your own reasons. You didn't look back at the fling with scorn. Other than your current relationship, it had been one of the best that you had ever had. It was short lived and blissful. It was almost like a break from what you desired: a partnership with depth and hardships that you could work through no matter what happened.

Your name was Liz Shepard, and you never thought that you would see Kaiden Alenko ever again.

You were very wrong.

Your name was Major Kaiden Alenko and it had been a long time since you had last seen your old commander.

You had spent the last week trying to track her down. You operated above the Council to help her. Seeing her in the flesh was an entirely different experience.

Her body had shrunk, causing her to lose her once strong arms and legs. The nicer way to put it was that she looked more womanly, but it was probable that she would take offense to that term. Her skin, which was once a comfortable shade of white, had turned translucent. If she looked any more like a mental patient you would be convinced that she truly was one.

Preplanning your conversation before approaching her had been a must. You wanted to greet her with a congenial smile and ask how she was. You were to give her a brief pat on the soldier while making sure to keep your other hand down. She didn't deserve a salute; she was no longer in the service nor would she be for a long time if you didn't intervene.

Your internal script went to shit when she turned around. Vakarian had been next to her and you felt like you had interrupted something between them. It was fair to say that you didn't approve of their relationship. Inter-species affairs weren't something that you were crazy about. It wouldn't be an understatement to say that you still had feelings for Shepard that you hadn't addressed since your Lieutenant days.

You had kissed her and she had kissed back before you had gone for your final attack on Saren. She had gone for you instead of Ash on Virmire. She had never professed her love for you in a verbal way but you had a desperate urge to confirm her current feelings. Even if she denied you, there would be no reason to hang on to any hope. She had left you for Garrus after her apparent death and you assumed that she thought that you wouldn't find out.

You had attempted to keep these feelings in the dark for a long time, which drove you to the point of almost killing Shepard back on the Cerberus Citadel assault while fighting the Reapers. That was the height of your denial.

Of course, you never discussed this phase of love to anyone anymore. You found it irrelevant.

Her eyes stared you down like they had on a certain fateful night a few years ago. They had that sparkle in them that made you want to ask her every question on the galaxy. She was an enigma to you now, though.

She had the same aura when you had fought the Batarians with her before the Reaper War.

She didn't respond to your concise introduction at first. For all you knew, she could be just as in awe as you were.

"I don't think you're allowed to call me that anymore."

Her legs shuffled towards you and Garrus was aware of his place. He stayed behind and gave you a curt nod, which was all you could expect from him.

She stopped in front of you and didn't continue any further. It was up to you to make a move with this woman, who now looked frailer than she ever had. Would hugging her be out of line?

"Old habits die hard." you muttered to her in response. You had a subconscious smile plastered across your face, which drew out a halfhearted laugh from your former boss.

In an unexpected move, she took you into her grip. The Commander wasn't one for hugs. The numbered people that could say that they've received some form of affection from her were mainly members of her crew. You could recall the physical contact that you've had with her in a lighthearted way. She was warm and comforting, almost like a mother figure. At the same time, she would pull a fast one at any time and turn into an admirable harlot whose chuckles could send you into a sexual daze. Of course, you would do the same thing to her with a strength that surpassed her own. At one point she had melted in your arms like butter. Now she did that for Garrus and nobody else.

This hug lacked the kind of lust that she once felt towards you. It was a hug that made you feel like nothing more than a trusted friend. There was no way that you would push her to be anything more.

You were more than okay with being her ally, comrade, and companion.

Before things got any more physical, the Turian walked over and gave you a more genial greeting.

"It's good to see you, Kaiden. You in here for Spectre business?"

Shepard pulled away from you at the mention of your title. Her own status hadn't technically been revoked, but acting above the law right now wasn't a good idea.

"I'm actually here for Shepard," you explained. "I got myself assigned to her case. I've gotta have a word with the both of you later in private about that."

Your voice got lower and you whispered so both of them could hear.

"Go back to the third examination room and wait inside. I'll be back. Just…don't ask questions. I know it's sketchy, but I think you'll find someone in there that you'll be happy to see."

Brevity wasn't something that Shepard was fond of. She opened her mouth to protest, but Garrus stopped her dead in her tracks.

"We'll go," he said rather rapidly.

Your name was Kaiden Alenko, and as the couple walked away, you could swear that you saw Liz look back at you with a face that you still couldn't decipher.