Thank you for the reviews last chapter! I was surprised by one in particular. I don't want to beg for reviews and I know what it's like to have a fic that gets absolutely nowhere. However, I feel like encouraging feedback is important but I am definetely not ungrateful. I get so thrilled whenever I read each review and I love all of my readers to pieces. You have no idea.

So, without further ado, here's Chapter 32! Please R&R!

xoxo

THR

Chapter 32

Your name is Commander Liz Shepard and it had been a few weeks since your second meeting with Hackett. Nothing had been confirmed about your next chapter with the Alliance and the Citadel forces.

The meeting's brevity made it seem less crucial than it was in actuality. All you had been told was that Garrus' files were processing through Alliance services. Not much else could be inferred about the process; he had warned that the human-led organization was picker about aliens than they should be. Even the Admiral came close to admitting that your partner's track record was admirable. Between his work at C-Sec and dedication to assisting you and asserting justice throughout the galaxy, he was more convinced that perhaps this mission wouldn't be as rough as he had been expecting.

After leaving Vancouver again, you fell into a routine of laziness. Garrus, to your surprise, began to mellow out and follow your lead. A few times a week you would find yourselves sprawled out on your bed, only to realize that waking up early was good for the sole purpose of indulging in morning sex. When you didn't succumb to your own urges in the wee hours, you slept in until noon and Garrus woke up a little before you to tend to any Extranet business he may have had.

Some days you went down into the city to pass time or pick up fresh food so you would have something to do. The Normandy, which was still docked at your hometown, had settled into its new station nicely. You greeted the workers and mechanics while your hair flowed in the wind before you descended down into the real world. Most humans on Earth treated you with respect and some even fanaticized you. Sometimes it made you feel like you were in a movie or a popular vid, and as soon as you hit the unforgiving depths of the above-ground city and forced yourself into a taxi that all went away. On occasion, Garrus would come along with you and striding along in Central Park didn't seem as farfetched as it used to. Back when the Collectors weren't a thing of the past, you found yourself dreaming of moments where you could let yourself be free. The lives of everyone weren't at stake and doing semi-stupid things didn't come with dire consequences.

Underneath all of these trivial, normal things that had happened, the bigger pictured still loomed in the back of your mind. Each day, regardless of what you did, you found yourself refreshing your omni-tool before you went to bed. You had a desperate longing to know if Garrus had been confirmed for duty by the Systems Alliance. Hackett had promised to forward the notification to you as soon as possible, but as the days passed by, your thoughts grew more and more negative.

With your boyfriend's scraggly toes nipping at your legs from under the covers, you carried out your evening routine just like you would each night.

"That email is never going to come, Shepard. Humans don't have a reason to accept an unknown Turian into their systems."

Your look of disapproval was evident when he dragged his eyes away from his laptop, which was much less portable than the translucent tool that was mounted on your arm.

"You jinxed it now!" you whined, your voice sounding more like a child's instead of a marine's. Although you were half kidding, your words stayed fresh in your mind. You had been preparing for the email for a few days; it would say that he was denied and there was nothing that you could do about it.

With one motion, your omni-tool disappeared from your forearm and you found yourself laying flat on the bed. He didn't want you to worry. In fact, you didn't want to worry for him, either.

It was a natural instinct at this point.

"Some of your people won't get over the First Contact, the Alliance included. I don't think you'll have any trouble getting through this thing without a partner. You pulled off Torfan by yourself, didn't you?"

Your hands clenched around the sheets. You didn't talk about your first major victory as a marine; in your opinion, it had been a flop that got you famous. The squad that was under your command almost perished entirely.

"Pulled off isn't the best word. Torfan isn't something you'd called Spectre work, though. This is an Alliance and Citadel operation that I give more than just a miniscule fuck about. It could make or break everything that I've been working for."

His grunts were ignored by you. Instead of arguing a moot point, you pushed yourself into his grasp and grinned when he accepted you.

He had changed since a few weeks ago and it was palpable during your most intimate moments. He was fierce, but his edge had dulled in the best way possible. Before, he had said that sitting around was useless. It didn't take him long to retract that statement.

Your felt yourself falling into a lull. With your eyes drooping downwards and your senses dulling, it was apparent that you had spent too much time worrying about work without even paying attention to what it was you were doing. No matter how relaxed you claimed that you were, something would be in the way no matter what. It was a funny sort of thing in the most bizarre ways.

Just as you were about to fall asleep, the lower section of your arm lit up. A golden hued light propelled itself throughout the room, putting the moonlight's soft illuminations to shame.

The email had arrived.

You were awake and alert again in an alarming amount of time. Garrus' protests were loud enough that you could hear them, but even he was growing curious over the sudden message that had popped up.

"Dear Commander Elizabeth Shepard," you began. You felt the Turian looking over your shoulder as you read and tried your best to focus on the text that was being projected in front of you.

"We are pleased to inform you that Garrus Vakarian's profile has been approved by Alliance personnel. We recommend that you meet with Admiral Steven Hackett as soon as possible for more details on your upcoming assignment. Please take note that this mission is classified. Any leaked information is investigated due to the galactic security that could be compromised by it. In addition to Mr. Vakarian, you will also be accompanied by Staff Commander Kaiden Alenko while executing your duties. According to your personal file, you have worked with Mr. Alenko in the past and we feel that the addition of another biotic to your crew would be beneficial to your success. If you have any questions please respond to this email with your concerns."

Your name was Commander Liz Shepard and you weren't sure if this was what you wanted.

Your name was Liz Shepard and you had just discovered that you did not have a penchant for hospital gowns. The things were as light as paper and light blue just wasn't your color in the first place. The garment had been handed to you with haste a few minutes ago.

Now that everyone was out of the room, you figured that putting it on and getting this show on the road was the most viable option for someone in your situation.

You tore at your clothing and stripped down to nothing whatsoever. With your discarded clothes scattered into a hodgepodge on the floor, you pulled on the thin garment and used it as a less than appropriate replacement for your former attire. It was sticky in some places and lacked any sort of shape. Whenever you moved, the gown made a crunching and got more uncomfortable. The whole thing drove you mad and the appointment had just gotten started.

You exhaled and went to the door to give Dr. Chakwas the okay to come back in. She had warned you that it would be better if Garrus stayed behind. He was your lifeline, and even though she knew this she continued to advise against his presence while she went over your medical information fifteen minutes prior.

You gave the door a few knocks and it popped open with your favorite doctor standing behind it. Her smile was a forced attempt to make you feel a bit more comfortable. If anyone was going to help you out of this, it was going to be her.

"Kaiden was in the lounge and he told me to—"

Karin put a finger to her lips and you shut your mouth. She must have known about his secretive plan, which was still a mystery to you.

"I want you to tell me everything that has happened, Shepard. I when I say everything, I mean everything. Start from the moment you first remember having any sort of stress at all."

You opened your mouth and prepared to cry a waterfall. Was this something you could handle?

You decided that it wasn't.

"Doctor, with all due respect, there's no way anybody can understand what's happened to me." you whispered. The faintness in your voice caused the older woman to put a hand on your shoulder, which you rejected.

"Not even Garrus can understand. When I woke up in a hospital after the war and was told about the trauma that I'd been dealt, I…I didn't know what the hell I was supposed to do. Thinking that you were once a fucking brilliant woman and then being told that you're a vegetable because you gave yourself to the whole galaxy isn't something anyone else can relate to. Nobody will ever understand no matter how much I tell them. Those raw emotions that I'll try to tell you about? There's no way you could relate. You'll laugh at me and put me in another institution! Don't you understand what I've had to deal with for the past year?! I'm not a robot, I'm a human being! I'm not crazy, I'm just…damn, I don't know what I am! I'm a hurt woman who doesn't need to be treated like someone inferior! When I came face to face with the Catalyst—I mean, this kid was the one who controlled all of the Reapers. He was the tiniest thing and he had the more impact on all of our lives than you'll ever know. What I told him decided the fate of every person in the entire Milky Way. He gave me three decisions and I feel like I blew it. I saved everyone but killed every synthetic being, Karin. There was no way out and there still isn't! I'm still doubting myself every day and night and it isn't right! I wake up each morning thinking that my boyfriend has left me for someone of his own species because I'm no good! I sometimes think that Joker stays around just so he can get my help with repairing EDI! But when I see the people I thought I loved and how they're still around because of something I did…damn, it feels good. Those few moments of the day when I can take pride in my job are the best seconds of my whole life. There was a payoff for this insanity. I-I need help…but not anyone else's help. I just…"

"Shepard."

You stopped your tangent to look Dr. Chakwas, who was handing you a box of tissues. You took them with reluctance and did nothing but toss them to the ground. Salt-filled tears streamed everywhere.

"You're not a psychologist, are you, Doctor?" you asked with a displaced chuckle.

In another attempt to be consoling, she sat up on the examination table with you and took your hand.

"I'm well aware that I'm not you, nor am I a psychologist. My purpose for being here is to give you a head to toe examination. But you know me; I'm not easy when it comes to prompt subordination."

With a swift slide, she got off of the table and went over to a close storage cabinet. What she pulled out looked unsuspecting at first.

However, your cries became more blatant when you saw the object that she had retrieved.

"You remembered it for me, Commander. I wouldn't forget it for you. I think this examination can wait a little bit. I do believe it's been a year since our last drink, anyway."

In her possession was a half full bottle of Serrice Council Ice Brandy. You were well acquainted with the bottle, for it was the same one you had purchased for her back when the both of you were still with Cerberus. How she had managed to keep it in tact was beyond you. That simple piece of glass had withstood the Collectors and even the Reaper War.

It was symbolic in a way that you couldn't describe.

Your name was Liz Shepard, and for a moment you were starting to feel better. Nothing helped like the taste of alcohol.

Your name was Garrus Vakarian and you were watching as other family members of patients sat around you.

Some were sobbing because of an imminent death. Others were joyful from the success of an improbable cure.

A select few looked as though they weren't really there at all.

The lounge at Huerta wasn't a place that you frequented. However, it felt like you were going to be there for longer than you bargained for. It had taken Shepard more than a few minutes just to change out of her clothes, let alone conduct a full mental and physical examination.

You knew better than to leave her there alone. The days of her independence had come and gone. Instead of pushing you away, she clung to you like a frail child. She was gaunt, afraid and sometimes acted out of the ordinary more than you would have liked.

This didn't make your love for her dwindle. The more you told yourself that she hadn't changed, the less you doubted her. She would get better.

She was Commander Shepard. She had to.

"Garrus, I'm glad you're out here. I wanted to know if we could have that talk. You know, about the Commander."

Your head jerked up and you saw the man that you wished you had cast out of your life. Kaiden Alenko stood tall in front of you. He was towering over to you due to your current position in your chair.

If you had things your way, you would slap the man. He was anything but self righteous. In fact, he was the exact opposite. You envied him for his ways but didn't dare tell him that.

He was perfect for Shepard.

"I'll humor you." you muttered. Your civility towards the man could go to shit as long as the Commander wasn't involved.

Your name was Garrus Vakarian and you were ready to school the hell out of Kaiden Alenko. If you couldn't, you could at least try to.