I'm surprised that you guys didn't expecting anything about the L2s to come up! The issues they cause are canon and I hate how Bioware didn't elaborate on it that much. I'm pretty sure it's a Mass Effect 1 thing. Speaking of which, I finished the game today! This story made me kill the Council...I had to do it. :)

Merci beaucoup for all of the views and reviews! I was thrilled! Please enjoy chapter 34!

xoxo

THR

Chapter 34

Your name was Kaiden Alenko and you continued to adjust the collar of your new uniform as you followed Admiral Hackett's entourage into the Normandy SR-2.

Even while docked in the expansive Alliance station, the ship had increased in mass since you had last been aboard. Considering that the old hull had been demolished, you figured that this ship wasn't even the same one that you had served on just a short time ago. Your desires to go in there without having to face any sort of changes had been fried at this point. Seeing your former vessel transformed into something of a monster wasn't something you wanted to face. Change was repulsive in your mind, but as you looked down at your jacket you tried your best to accept the modifications that had been made to your life. Different markings on your formal uniform had taken the place of lesser ones. You now led an entire division of biotics that answered to nobody but you. The Alliance was coming to you for once for assistance.

You had a voice.

"Forwarding boarding request to Commander Shepard. Please wait for acceptance."

You lingered around the entrance to the airlock with the rest of the crew and shuffled your feet in impatience. To pass time and avoid thinking about the real problem at hand, you thought about how annoying this Normandy's VI's voice was compared to the old ones. It had an organic quality about it that made you feel tense. The fact that this VI was an AI was unknown to you right now and it didn't seem to be of relevance. Instead, you started fussing with your hair and made sure that each strand was slicked back in a neat manner.

You had been waiting for this moment of repentance to come for some time.

If your life would truly be stripped of its entire normalcy, then there was one thing that you would fight to save. You had been struggling to maintain that precious thing with countless apologies and letters. As time passed, it got more difficult and facing the head on challenge of keeping the thing safe started to dissolve from your grasp. Instead of dwelling on all of life's magnificent opportunities, you had devoted a chunk of your own time to atoning for your mistake. You had hurt this thing; it withered at your touch and was nothing more than a dying wish. It screamed out to you in the silence, but when you reached out to help it you couldn't hear it any longer.

This thing was your relationship with the Commander. After the way you had treated her on Horizon, she had left with her crew and had managed to take out a whole damn race of aliens.

You didn't regret not joining up with her and Cerberus. No matter how head over heels you were for anyone, there was no way your morals would be compromised in the process. Your tenure with the Alliance would be the most important thing in your life until you retired or faced your impending death. It was how your father approached his time in the service and you had full intentions of emulating him.

This decision of yours had started to pay off in the last few weeks. Once you forgot about Shepard for a bit, your life soared. You were no longer chained down by someone who wasn't there for you.

Catching sight of the Normandy slammed you down back onto the cold hard ground. She was behind the doors of the airlock waiting for you. Everything that you could ever want in a woman was standing just a few feet away from you. Your commitment to her had the potential to still be golden after the time that had passed. Even if she wanted to stay alone, you were going to give it your best shot. If her hunger for you was still there, then you would let her devour you.

It wasn't often that you gave yourself to anyone like you had to her. Being intimate with someone was enough for you to want to hold on. What you had with Shepard had been more than mindless sex before a battle. It wasn't brief fraternization or a one night stand.

It had been love.

It was sweet, constant and knew no bounds. Its safety was so warming and gave you a sense of consistency that you had never had before.

Your thoughts ceased when the metallic doors in front of you separated. Decontamination didn't take long and was rather unnecessary.

You exited the airlock and found yourself in the brand new Normandy. She was brighter on the inside and outfitted to the nines. Cerberus had done a fantastic job in rebuilding the ship in a way that surpassed its former glory.

"Admiral, it's a pleasure to see you again."

Guards dispersed around you and they took their places at the appointed stations that your old ship used to have. Instead of following protocol, you glanced up to see Shepard taking the Admiral into a rather hearty handshake. Next to her was none other than Garrus Vakarian.

Why his presence on his mission was so crucial was something that you wished you didn't have to hear about. Deep inside, you thought you could decipher the reason. It was as lucid as the stars in the midnight sky.

You weren't about to admit it, though.

"I'm happy that we've agreed to formally work together. You remember Staff Commander Alenko, don't you? He's changed since your departure but a little more responsibility has made him an even better person and soldier than he was before."

Hackett's introduction wasn't required in your book, but you stepped forward with a gracious attitude and disregarded his comments.

"I'm thrilled to be serving under you again, Shepard." You offered her the same sort of handshake, to which she declined.

Instead, she took you into a hug, which shocked even the likes of Garrus.

It had been short lived and lacking romantic influence. Its aura was more apologetic than you had been expecting.

The same even would occur between the two of you a few years later. The same emotions would be expressed and your feelings would remain unrequited.

Of course, you had no way of being aware of this.

Your burning desire for her flared up in your inner core and you grabbed her hand as she pulled away. Instead of responding with the same amount of fervor, she passively pushed back and returned to her place next to Garrus, who was near the Normandy's sprawling galaxy map.

The words that came out of everyone's mouth from that moment on didn't matter. You watched the two of them and how they could throw casual glances while Shepard discussed logistics with Hackett near her. Garrus' discrete smirks were noticed by you. His name was on her lips at night now, not yours.

Your feelings were crushed when she held onto his hand instead of yours.

Your name was Kaiden Alenko and it felt like your face had hit the pavement for a second time.

Your name was Garrus Vakarian and you had just learned what it felt like to slap a Spectre. It wasn't exactly as satisfying as you had hoped. There was no dramatic reaction from a crowd and the sound of your talon smacking his stubble coated skin had been gotten lost between everything else that was going on in the hospital. As a self proclaimed hothead, hitting him had been an instant reaction to what he had just said to you. In theory, it was a reflex. He had just made you aware of your worst fear and you didn't know what to do now. It hadn't been a good choice to make in hindsight. Your troubles were starting to look bad compared to a Batarian. Slapping a Spectre and a high ranking Alliance officer wasn't what you were looking to have burned onto your behavior record.

Kaiden's face was shot down and covered in redness. His crimson blood rushed up to his face and the damage you had caused had been nothing compared to what you had inflicted on some people before. Apologizing didn't feel like the right thing to do right now.

You had to let the slap soak in a little bit first. After all, you had enjoyed it a little more than an ethical person would have.

"I feel like I deserve that." he mumbled. "But part of me knows better than to think that. I wasn't planning on doing anything. Is there something wrong with me being here to help a woman who has spent way too much of her time assisting me?!"

His counterargument was more than valid. You were starting to look like the over attached boyfriend now.

"You were the one who took her away from me! I'm the one who let her into my life! As much as you love her, I don't think I'm ready to let go!"

He raised his hand to you and lunged, which you were well prepared for. His tiny hand fit into yours just like Shepard's did. Although his were much bigger, it didn't hinder your ability to deflect his attempt at retribution.

He squirmed in your grasp and then pulled away, sending a defeated glower your way instead of another physical confrontation.

"Fighting over women is a civilian thing, don't you think?" you theorized.

"If you've won her heart, then so be it. Regardless of that, Shepard's in there without support and for all we know, she could be getting a diagnosis that could change her life. I say we get our asses over to wherever she's at and act like men."

Yet another statement of his sounded like it should come out of a heroic quote book. You stood up and brushed off your clothing while he did the same.

A temporary truce was formed between the both of you. You didn't like it one bit and he didn't either.

Standing together was about the only thing you could agree on. It wasn't for you; it was for Shepard.

"Mr. Vakarian?"

The voice of an Asari maiden caught your attention and you turned to see her dressed in typical nurse clothing. She appeared to be concerned and the clipboard in her hands was clenched tightly to her chest.

"Liz Shepard is requesting your presence in the office of Dr. Chakwas. The doctor said something about a diagnosis and it sounded important. I would suggest getting over there right away."

The woman's tone was urgent and you set off on foot to see what the problem was. Kaiden was a thing of the past now. She needed you and you had given her countless promises that were all weighing on this one moment. You had told yourself in the mirror every morning that you were a dependable boyfriend. You could offer support in the emotional department regardless of how much you sucked at it. Pushing through people and discarding insignificant blunders would be the price to pay if she needed to see you at any given time. You were hopelessly devoted to her and she had sworn to be the same way to you. Sometimes you had caught her doing the same thing as you in the mirror. She measured herself up and wondered if saving the galaxy three times had been enough.

Was her sheer existence enough to repent for what she had done before? Would she be able to push through her problems?

Could she be the partner that she wanted to be?

She was.

You told her that she was all day and night. Even though you had been distant towards her because of her problems, that didn't stop you from letting her know how she was faultless when she flashed you a toothy smile. Her perfume she wore perked you up and the way she handled a gun made your own hands hanker for a sniper of your own.

She wasn't idyllic in each sense, but she was herself. She tried her hardest for you.

That was more than enough.

You kept these thoughts in your mind as you ran to be with her.

"She didn't mention a 'Kaiden Alenko', did she?"

The Spectre's words were out of your range, but you would have felt a little better if you had been able to hear them.

"No," the maiden nurse said. "I'm afraid not, sir."

Your name was Garrus Vakarian, and you had just won the first battle of the war.

Your name was Liz Shepard and it took you a long time to leave the office of Dr. Chakwas.

The diagnosis that you had been given was starting to soak in. Getting a real professional opinion had been worth sacrificing your own desires. Your mind had been screaming for you not to go for a reason.

It hadn't wanted to face the truth.

All of your urges and nervous ticks had been explained with just four little letters. You didn't feel as bad for killing people or destroying a part of your home. These thoughts of yours felt sinister and there was no way a diagnosis was enough to justify what you had done. Taking the lives of people that were at least a touch innocent hadn't been right. Your reasoning for it had been skewed. Being irate and in the moment were two catalysts that had set yourself off.

Being trapped alone for a year was also the match that let the fuse on your disease.

When you repeated the word in your mind, it sounded so foreign.

"I have a disease and I need help."

The way it made you feel lesser than those around you devoured your mental health, but accepting your fate was what you had been waiting for. Acceptance would come later; this time, though, you were willing to set yourself right.

You told the doctor that you would get on medication or go to therapy sessions. Garrus chimed in and said that he was capable of doing whatever it took to help. He meant it, too.

He was too genuine to not mean it.

Your disorder wasn't the only thing you had figured out about during your visit with the Normandy's ex-doctor.

You were informed that your biotic implants were failing you.

L2 implants were far from being the most advanced pieces of equipment used to turn eezo exposure victims into well bred fighters. In fact, they did more harm than good. The amount of power that you could wield with them was extraterrestrial. You were not on par with Kaiden but you could sure as hell take an Asari if they asked for it.

You could easily recall the day you had them installed. It hadn't been the most legal procedure in the world. Your parents' permission had not been obtained and you may or may not have purchased the L2s in an illegal way upon hearing of their immense force. You were still in training to be a real biotic at the time and it felt like a good idea. The scars from the surgery were still faint on your skin, and as you touched them you could now deem them as a reminder of the worst decision you ever made in your short life.

While your biotics were stronger than ever now, they had burdened you with crippling mental issues. They contributed to all of your instability and made you feel like a second class citizen. While Alenko was stuck with nothing more than occasional headaches, you had been accused of being insane because of the damn implants. Dr. Chakwas' medical opinion of them was rather unsure; without surgery there was no way in telling the dangers your implants were causing you.

You would either rot away mentally or suffer brain damage from an operation.

Of course, the option of being fine was there, too.

Surgical procedures weren't an option for you now, and you had Garrus refuse on your behalf. Having the devices put in illegally made their risk even higher. At this point, you felt like you could care less.

Besides, this wasn't the sole issue that plagued you.

On a more minor note, you had been given a tentative diagnosis of infertility. It wasn't supposed to matter to you. Considering that your partner was a Turian, adoption was considered to be the most "humane" way for the both of you to parent.

Part of you couldn't help but feel lacking, though.

You couldn't produce a child for anyone who wanted one. You weren't mother material and you didn't feel like maternal senses worked for you. The galaxy didn't need another Shepard running around, which was a good enough reason for you to abstain from getting pregnant.

But not being able to do something that other women were very capable of doing felt crippling to you. Even if the entire universe depending on it, you wouldn't be able to conceive a child whether you liked it or not. The Shepard name would die off and would be forgotten.

These two things still felt like the least of your problems.

Your name was Liz Shepard, you had been officially diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and all you could do was fall into a Turian's arms.