Wow, forty chapters. I can't believe we've made it this far! Please continue to R&R, it's much appreciated!

xoxo

THR

Chapter 40

Your name was Commander Liz Shepard and you were watching the Normandy's travel progress on your omni-tool.

To say the least, you never looked forward to entering Batarian space. You were brought up to be respectful to other races no matter what sort of stereotypes were made up about them. It was one of the few values that your absent parents had instilled you with from a young age. You were brought around on their business trips as a toddler and stayed with them until your charm stopped helping them close deals. Although they hired countless nannies to keep track of you when you weren't doing your "job", your mother had taken the time to repeat herself over and over until you understood what was expected of you.

"Be nice to each alien and treat them like one of our own. You'll never know what kinds of benefits you'll get along the way."

Although the reasoning behind her statement was self-righteous, you stuck to it for your own reasons during your own career as an adult. Having dealt with practically each intelligent life form in the galaxy, you learned firsthand that aliens weren't any different than you. As your experiences with them became more profound, they started seeming less foreign and more inviting than anyone else you had ever met. They were more comforting than humanity in some ways. All wars and prejudices aside, it didn't take you long to meet some dependable comrades that were of every race and color.

However, throughout your years as a soldier, you never found anything comforting or alluring about Batarians. Whether it was because of a bar poisoning mishap or a run-in with a Hegemony terrorist group, you couldn't find it in your sometimes cold heart to like them. There were a select few that you had become well acquainted with during your travels. It was true that one bad apple was capable of ruining the whole bunch, though. As for the Batarians, most of the bunch was already bad to begin with.

The galaxy shared the same general opinion regarding the semi-malicious race. They were a problem to be ignored most of the time, which was why you had managed to stay away from assignments centering around them. Delving deep into their entirety all at once was starting to get overwhelming and you were still two hours out from arriving in the Viper Nebula. You sighed in impatience; the sooner you got all of this over with, the better.

Instead of holing yourself up in your quarters where you would be easily detectable, you had holed up in the Normandy's hangar area.

The shuttle loomed above you and for a brief moment you wanted it to fall and crush your body just so you could escape and see what would happen. You were in an odd place right now; not being allied with any particular side made you uneasy. You had ditched Cerberus and the Alliance hadn't reinstated you yet. As of now, you were nothing. Most people didn't know you were alive to begin with.

Out of desperation, you pulled out a smuggled cigarette out of your pocket. Your stash, which had been bought back in New Manhattan, was limited and close to be depleted. With the stress you've been under, you've been finding yourself sneaking away to have a smoke more often than not. Lighters were hard to come by, but you managed to make do with what you could scrape up from shore leaves and brief outings.

You placed the cancer stick between your lips and lit up in a designated smoke free environment. The dangers of smoking aboard any sort of ship had the potential to be detrimental. One spark had the capability to ignite a fire. Considering your location, it wasn't a nice enough place for the Normandy to go down in a literal blaze of glory.

With care, you blew the smoke up towards the ceiling and prayed that EDI was keeping track of shipwide ventilation. It didn't take long for the nicotine to get into your system, sending you into a relaxed state of mind. If Garrus wasn't going to be there to keep you stable, cigarettes would have to help you pretend.

"Alenko to Shepard, do you copy?"

The voice echoing over the loudspeakers wasn't EDI's and it sure wasn't anyone other than Kaidan Alenko.

With reluctance, you raised your head up and responded.

"No need to be all formal off duty. Do you need something important?"

Your reply was less uptight than it should have been and he wasted no time in taking advantage of your relaxed state.

"You're the one who set up an open door policy and I'm up in your quarters. You mind telling me where you are?"

You bit your lip in indecision. Telling him your location would ruin your privacy. You weren't one to go back on your promises even when it involved someone you hated. It was time to suck up and act professional in front of him for once. If you weren't going to get at him with petty tactics, being the bigger person would have to do for now.

"Hangar. Meet me in five."

You pulled yourself off of the ground, not giving a damn about him seeing your smoking. No matter how hostile you were to each other, you expected his anti-tobacco lecture either way and wouldn't take much of it to heart. As much as you regretted smoking, it was an addiction that had to be given into for now.

The elevator doors parted, revealing a rather rugged looking Kaidan. He had maintained a somewhat proper disposition by walking in with a neutral expression and an Alliance crewman's outfit on. His head looked back and forth before settling on you.

Much to your displeasure, his expression did not change.

"Smoking in the hangar? I should have you reported."

You weren't sure if this was supposed to be a joke or not. Considering all of the bullshit you had been putting him through, you assumed that he wasn't speaking to you in jest.

"My ship, my rules, Kaidan. Don't try to play nice. We both know that you stopped the good guy routine with me after Cerberus."

The remark hit him like a brick. He passed by you, bumping into your shoulder roughly. He had no direction or purpose; getting away from you was his sole motive. You didn't even have to utter a single word to him to understand that.

"Did it ever occur to you that I'm trying to act civil for our own sakes? This is a warship, not a high school that you can rule like a queen bee! What we say here isn't supposed to affect our jobs!"

The little word that you wanted to ban had just exited his mouth: civil. It felt like he had just told you how civility had gone to hell between the two of you. Now he was trying to reignite it for the millionth time. His eyes focused on the shuttle as yours had minutes ago. Trying to think of the right words to say at a time like this was a treacherous feat to accomplish. Although the unacknowledged plights in your relationship hadn't been mentioned, you wondered if now would be the right time to air out your dirty laundry.

He had you pegged when it came to the queen bee reputation. The Normandy was like a child to you. If there was one thing that you were going to do with your resources and notoriety, it was run the damn ship the way it was supposed to be run. This meant taking drastic and sometimes ruthless measures. You were alright with this as long as the ends justified the means.

When it came to Kaidan, you figured that being passive aggressive would pay off as soon as he resigned and got off of your ship.

Feelings of sour remorse accompanied these harsh thoughts. Through the hated and bitter scowls, you still cared for the man that you had shared your bed with two years prior. He was an admirable soldier and possessed biotics that were way above your level. Realizing this was hard when you were blinded by a mission that had to be completed. With a deep breath exiting your lips, you followed him and snatched his wrist.

"If this is your way of telling me that we need to have one of those talks, then sit down and get comfortable. We've got a few hours until we get to our LZ."

You didn't even know what you were saying anymore. The fact that you were being real with him felt like a disdainful choice on your part. It was going to come back to bite you; you just knew it.

He stopped pacing around the hangar and rotated his head to see if you were serious. He was twenty feet away but took no time at all to get back to you.

"You wanna talk without getting physical? We'll talk, but don't blame me if I walk out. I don't want things to end on a rough note, Shepard."

You sat down on a spare crate that was resting on the side of the room. Just in case, you eyed a gun and a bit of extra ammo sitting on the ground nearby. You pushed the impulse out of your mind; shooting him wasn't going to be tolerated.

He found a spot on the same crate and allowed you to keep your own space by sitting on the edge.

"He was always a gentleman…" you pondered internally.

Your name was Commander Liz Shepard and you wondered if an entire relationship really could be repaired within a matter of hours.

Your name was Kaidan Alenko and you couldn't help staring at the woman in front of you.

What were you supposed to do or say? She had cheated on you, manipulated you and even admitted to it half the time. Each day the tension between you fluctuated; sometimes being in the same room was unbearable and on other occasions you were capable of sharing conversations without hostility. This situation was the tamest one yet. You had managed to get her within a few feet of you.

You were all for being able to become friends again. Pursuing a relationship, on the other hand, was out of the question. She had her moments where you wanted to whisk her away, but those were quickly overshadowed by the infidelity and rudeness that tended to grasp her character. Going off of bipolar feelings weren't right in any shape or form. If you wanted to be with her again, a single doubt couldn't be present in your mind.

If things kept on going on the same route, there was no way you would ever call Shepard anything more than a former friend.

"I think the only thing I need to get off of my chest is Garrus." she muttered.

The mention of the Turian brought mixed feelings upon you. He had been a fantastic comrade to have aboard the SR-1. He kept the Mako in check and was also someone that you came to be good friends with.

Learning about what he had done with your former partner disgusted you. While knowing about Shepard's relationship with you, he allowed her to pursue him without blocking her or warning her of the consequences. Regardless of who had made the first move, you considered them to be emotionally thin if they had to stoop to those levels.

"I don't care how many times we go over this, but damn it Kaidan, Horizon wasn't what I thought it was going to be. When we saw each other and embraced, I…I wasn't with Garrus and I wasn't intending on acting upon a stupid crush that I had developed for him. You were gone and there was no way I had time to get into contact. You shut me down and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Were we over? I wouldn't know, because all you did were make stupid ass remarks about how Cerberus is bad. You didn't think I already knew that?! I feel like we've gone over this a million times and I just—"

Her voice got louder and louder and it soon reverberated across the whole room. What was intended to be a quiet, calm deliberation was turning into another one of her countless screaming matches.

In a daring attempt to rescue what was still left, you put your hand on one of her legs, which was hanging off of the storage crate the two of you shared.

"Shepard!"

The sudden contact didn't frighten her, nor did your interruption. Your eyes locked while she let go of her anger.

In a move that was equally as risky, she took your hand and held onto it.

While you were trying to understand what the hell she was doing, she continued to speak.

"Garrus was there when you weren't. What I had with you, Kaidan, it wasn't a fling. I was younger at the time and thought that I loved you. You were older than me, you had a heart that was bigger than mine and someone had to teach you to let loose."

She laughed a little before continuing and slipped your hand back into your own lap.

"I thought about you every day after Horizon. I kept your picture on my desk and tried to be optimistic—trust me, as a realist, that didn't work out for long. There was a little bit of hope left in me when I was talking to Garrus one night. The mission with Cerberus was intended to be a one way trip. We weren't coming back and I didn't have the heart to respond to your apologies. Hell, you could say that I was being rash on purpose. I was going to die and a Turian asked me if he wanted to have a little fun before we plunged towards an imminent death. It sounded like a drama vid and indulging a little felt like a well deserved reward. Considering what you told me, I didn't have any intentions on going back to you. Me and Garrus ended up being different…what was once a fling turned into something that I can't describe. I still get chills when he's within a few feet of me. He didn't turn his back on me. He's a good man Kaidan, honest to god. He really is."

You sighed and wrung your hands back and forth. Hearing her perspective without having screaming and insults involved certainly made you look like the bad guy.

"This isn't about Garrus." you lied. "Horizon shouldn't count for anything right now. We both did regrettable things and this shouldn't come up ever again. Just know that seeing you there in the flesh after you being gone for two years…it was the most traumatizing thing that I've ever experienced. You were supposed to be dead and you were with Cerberus! I wanted to take you and never let go, but just the sight of that damned Cerberus logo was enough to put me off. I don't know if it's true now, but I don't think that a terrorist organization changed you. Maybe you changed by yourself. Like I said, it shouldn't count right now. We can take things as we go."

She slipped you a slight nod and looked up at you with happier eyes.

"Is that all?" she implored. "No fights?"

"I don't think either of us are done yet, Shepard."

Your name was Kaidan Alenko and you stayed in the hangar with Shepard until EDI forced the two of you to get into your armor.

Needless to say, it wasn't the easiest conversation. Shouting and disagreements accompanied heartfelt remarks.

All you could do was take things slow and try to rebuild an already rocky relationship.

Your name was Dr. Liara T'soni and you had locked yourself in your room to research.

Despite the catastrophic damage done to the Batarians during the Reaper War, you were very much aware of the damage that could be done by the decimated race. As the Shadow Broker, not even you were capable of cracking into the Hegemony. Nothing else was known about them other than they were highly private and didn't accept foreigners whatsoever. Batarian refugees had been threatened with death if they spoke. The Hegemony's allies were also unknown. Their fleet size was a mystery as was the volume of their population.

Needless to say, this code was going to be tough to crack.

"Glyph, arrange a meeting with Commander Shepard." You said with haste. "Something is about to go down and it isn't going to be good."

Your name was Dr. Liara T'soni and you soon found yourself searching for a flight to the Citadel.

You had a friend to save before things went even more awry than they were.

Your name was Garrus Vakarian and you tried your best to place your scratched up girlfriend on her bed without tossing her and trying to ravage her again. She plopped down and giggled, which was a noise that you hadn't expected from her. It was plain and happy and you didn't want it to stop.

You had lost track of time while getting reacquainted with each and every inch of her body. After relearning the correct angles and methods, going at it over and over again was like second nature. It was as if nothing during the past three years had happened. It was about you, her and the relationship you had forged together. Kaidan hadn't happened and nor had your useless attempts at dating. Wars and battles hadn't pushed either of you to your edges.

"Vakarian, what're you waiting for?" she asked, her bare body melting into her shiny sheets. She was right in front of you, sprawled and ready to be taken again. Her feet kicked your shins with impatience.

You had done a significant amount of damage to her due to a combination of previously unfulfilled thoughts of lust and lack of recent experience when it came to inter-species intercourse. Chafing, redness and the aftereffects of bites and scratches had given her a less than pristine complexion. If you achieved this then it meant that you had done an excellent job. Her sadness was gone and you swore that what you had done was better than depression medication and therapy combined.

She had managed to leave her own marks on you by making subtle bites on your sensitive neck. What would be a reddish blotch on her skin was a dark brown one on yours.

"It's a love bite." She had told you between kisses. "Don't' get too excited."

You wanted to stand there in silence and admire her for a few more seconds. She might have had a little less meat on her than before and her whiteness made each and every mark stand out more than it should have, but she was still the same Shepard. She gave you the same deep kisses and flashed you a devious smirk to let you know that everything that you did was right in her eyes. With her, you didn't have to worry about being reprimanded or told that you weren't getting at things the correct way. Sex wasn't a performance between the two of you. It was the most natural thing you could think of.

Instead of going down on her to return the favor for the amazing things she had done with her mouth before, you sat down on the side of the bed and rubbed the top of your hand.

She crept up on your back and leaned on it. Feeling her breasts dig into your shoulders was almost like an out of body experience, but you tried your best to shrug it off and embrace the moment for what it was worth.

"Shepard," you said, your voice raspy.

"I love you."

Your name was Garrus Vakarian, and you discovered something very quickly that night.

Cuddling in bed was just as good as sex by itself.