Wow, I actually got a Valentine's update put up on time! When does that happen? XD
Just a side note: there are two types of anti-love arrows. One is for reversing the effects of regular love arrows, the other is made for antis. Why? Because I said so, and it makes this plot make sense. Also, because there are anti-fairies and anti-gods (y'know, Anti-Cupid?) it only makes sense that there would be other anti-creatures, like anti-pixies, anti-cherubs, et cetera.
Disclaimer: I don't have much time for this right now, so don't own, don't profit, do love my readers! :)
16. Love (Prompt 100)
It was Valentine's Day. Again.
Those stupid cherubs would be flying around this way and that, getting in everybody's way as they shot their little arrows into the unsuspecting rears of magical creatures and humans alike.
Anti-Cosmo looked out his twenty-foot window, spotting dozens of the colourful little people, anti-love arrows locked and loaded.
"Ouch!"
And shot, apparently. Anti-Cosmo winced. Why, in all of the years Valentine's Day had been around, had they not invented an arrow that didn't cause pain?
Using his wand to anti-poof up a cup of tea, he floated in front of the window thoughtfully. He supposed he should find Anti-Wanda, and maybe Foop as well. Go somewhere the cherubs wouldn't find them. Although, Foop probably wouldn't appreciate it, as his parents would probably spend the whole time being sappy and kissing.
Anti-Cosmo shrugged it away. Foop could handle himself for a day. Now, where had his wife gone?
Cupid flapped his feathery wings in impatience. That annoying Anti-Cupid ruined everything!
"Look mister, this is Valentine's Day! This is the big day; The day where love is unleashed all over the universe! If there was a day for joining hands and singing kumbaya, this would be it. So leave me and love alone!" Cupid shouted, balling his hands up and yelling into his opposite's blue face.
Anti-Cupid tapped his foot in midair. "What do you want me to do about it? You know very well that as your counterpart, I'm obligated to spread hate." He rolled his blood-red eyes. "Get over it."
A growl rumbled in Cupid's throat. "You are impossible! I will never understand why Anti-Juandissimo likes you, and— wait a minute." The God of Love cut himself off as a thought surfaced, the answer to his question easily more tantalising than the insult he had at the ready. "Do you love Anti-Juandissimo?"
Anti-Cupid paled. "I—I, uh, that's none of your business!" He snapped defensively, shooting his opposite a heated glare.
"I'm Cupid. Y'know, resident God of Love? Of course it's my business," Cupid scoffed, placing his hands on his hips and looking slightly offended.
"I'm still not telling you. Can we please get back to your point?" Anti-Cupid groaned, burying his face in his hands.
Cupid rolled his cyan-coloured eyes. "Whatever. My point was get your own holiday!" He huffed, looking not the least bit amused. He just had to be stuck with this guy for a counterpart. Ugh. Anti-Cupid spreaded hate, was a total blockhead, and had positively no taste in fashion. Really, why him, of all anti-fairies?
"This is both of our holidays, you nitwit!" Anti-Cupid snarled.
The pink-haired god was sure his eyes were going to fall out if he continued to roll them. "Then do something productive with it! Like, I don't know, spreading love?" He said sarcastically. Stupid Anti-Cupid.
"Make me," Anti-Cupid said, voice dangerously low.
"Oh, I will!" Cupid paused for a second, freezing in midair. "Hey, I've got an idea!"
"What, do you want a medal or something?" the anti-god muttered dryly, contempt for his zealous counterpart flowing off him in waves. Who up there had hated him enough to stick him with Cupid as a counterpart? That annoying ninny!
Cupid ignored the comment. "Why don't you shoot the anti-fairies this year? That way, you can still shoot anti-love arrows, but be helping instead of being such a drag."
The dark doppelganger blanched, shooting his counterpart a glare that suggested Cupid was crazy. "Yeah, let me think about that. No."
"Oh, come on," Cupid whined.
"No."
"Please?"
"No!" Anti-Cupid shouted, crossing his arms over his chest.
Cupid groaned. "Fine, whatever. Go and ruin everyone's Valentine's Day, see if I care." Discreetly tucking his wand behind his back, Cupid watched his opposite roll his blood-red eyes, turn, and begin to float away.
"You'll care when you begin to wither away because all the love disappears!" The anti-god called over his shoulder, exasperated by the man in pink.
Cupid grinned, waving his wand and silently switching Anti-Cupid's anti-love arrows with his own; the ones specifically made for anti-creatures of all kinds. He laughed to himself, poofing away in a cloud of bright pink smoke.
"Yeah, and you're the smart one. Hah!"
Anti-Cosmo floated idly around his castle, the empty halls seeming somehow more regal in the vast silence. Instead of anti-poofing from room to room, he had decided to search the old-fashioned way, floating to each room instead.
He turned cautiously into the study. "Anti-Wanda?" He called quietly, wary of any nearby cherubs.
His query received no reply, so he sighed and continued his quest, resuming his flight down the twisting corridors of his home.
As he turned another corner, he was suddenly blindsided by a frantic Anti-Wanda. "Cozzie!" She shrieked, clinging onto his jacket as if the devil himself were after her. "There's a lil' flyin' guy chasing me! He sorta looks like one a' those fairies, but he ain't no fairy, I'm sure," she explained, casting fearful glances behind her.
"It's called a cherub, love." Anti-Cosmo informed her, gently prying her off of his jacket. "Now, let us see if we can avoid running into those buggers, hm?" He took her hand, twirling his wand and landing them directly in front of a closet door.
Without a word, he opened the door and ushered her inside, following a moment later. Using his wand to light the small space, he turned to the left and began to fiddle with something Anti-Wanda couldn't see.
"What's we doin' in here? I thought we was gonna hide from those chair-ups!" She said, confusion colouring her voice.
"That, my dear, is exactly what we are doing—aha!" He cried as a small door suddenly appeared where nothing but a wall had been the moment before. Anti-Cosmo held it open, gesturing for Anti-Wanda to go through. Hesitantly, she took a step forward into the dark space, hearing a floorboard creak under her weight. It was odd to be walking instead of flying, but the low roof wouldn't permit flight.
She stepped farther into the room, hearing Anti-Cosmo follow her a moment later, and suddenly the small crack of light coming from the doorway disappeared as Anti-Cosmo shut the door.
Anti-Wanda was just about to use her wand to light the room when her husband's wand suddenly flashed, illuminating the area.
"They shouldn't be able to find us in here; I've poof, anti-poof, ping, and anti-ping-proofed this little room, so nobody is able to enter unless they know the code, and where the secret panel is." Anti-Cosmo said, unable to stop a note of smugness from leaking into his tone. Oh, he was so very smart. So very smart indeed.
—Which is why he was so surprised when a soft knocking suddenly came from the door. He quickly shot a glance at Anti-Wanda, holding a finger up to his lips.
"I know you're both in there. Would you care to interrupt your teenage make out session to allow me to come in?" Foop's voice carried through the door, which made Anti-Cosmo roll his eyes in annoyance.
"We are not having a teenage make out session, thank you very much." He sighed, but opened the door for the infant. "What do you want?"
Foop crossed his small arms. "For some odd reason, I'm also being chased by those infernal cherubs. I have no clue as to which anti-fairy—if it even is an anti-fairy—they're trying to pair me up with, and frankly, I do not wish to find out."
"So you're requesting that I let you in here?"
Foop frowned. "It's not a request. It's a demand."
A scoff came from Anti-Cosmo. "A demand I won't comply—"
"Foopsie!" Anti-Wanda squealed, cutting her husband off. Moving past an exasperated Anti-Cosmo, she scooped her son up and enveloped him in a lung-crushing hug.
"Mother . . . I can't . . . breathe," Foop gasped, wriggling away from Anti-Wanda's death grip. Once he had gotten away, he dusted himself off, sending a glare in his mother's direction.
Anti-Cosmo sighed but reluctantly shut the door, allowing his son to stay. "Alright," he said after a moment. "Now what?" Mentally he berated himself for even opening the door in the first place. Here he was, thinking he could finally have some—ahem—alone time with Anti-Wanda, but no, Foop just had to come and ruin it. Why did he have to have the most bothersome son in all of the universe?
"I don't know. What were you planning on doing before I knocked?" Foop asked innocently. Anti-Cosmo glared; as if Foop didn't know what he had planned. Again, why him?
Silence fell over the trio, the only sound coming from Anti-Cosmo's wand, which made a very soft humming sound as its light flooded the small room.
"I say we go out there and exterminate all the cherubs." Foop burst out, shattering the awkward silence. "Really, why are we all hiding like a bunch of scared little mice? We should take them out!" He said emphatically, flailing his arms about.
He received a sceptical glare from his father. "Don't you think I've tried that already? It didn't work; the cherubs shot us with their arrows before we even got close." The anti-fairies' leader shuddered, remembering the incident.
For once, Foop didn't argue.
"Although," Anti-Cosmo continued, the wheels in his head spinning. "I suppose if we had some sort of protection, or wore armour perhaps we would actually be able to get close enough to shoot." He stopped short. "That might just work!"
Foop sniffed, looking pretentious. "I hate to say it—actually, no, I don't—but I told you so."
"You look ridiculous." Foop said, eying the protective outfit his father had anti-poofed up for himself with complete distaste. "Really. Not even a blind person would wear that gaudy thing."
Anti-Cosmo rolled his eyes, but held up his wand once more, the suit of night-black armour replaced with a deep navy one. "Happy?" He asked sarcastically.
"Ecstatic." The younger said with a grin.
"You're a moron."
"I'm not, but you are."
"No, I'm not."
"I'm pretty sure you are."
"Well, you're wrong, you moronic dunce."
"Buffoon."
"Ignoramus."
"Dolt."
"Fool."
"Weakling."
A laugh. "Oh, so I'm the weakling? Must I remind you of the time you were not able to defeat Poof because you had fallen asleep to a mere lullaby?"
"Two words, father. Shut up."
"So, Father, what's your brilliant plan this time?" Foop asked, looking bored.
He and Anti-Cosmo had gathered up as many non-lovestruck anti-fairies as they could find (which had only amounted to a dozen and a half), and were now explaining the plan to them.
"You will be divided into groups of three, and each group will be given a different task to fulfil." Anti-Cosmo started. "Anti-Luther, Anti-Harry, and Anti-Melody, you will be in Group A. You are in charge of distracting any and all cherubs that try to shoot us. If you have to, jump in front of the arrows." All three anti-fairies recoiled at the thought.
"Hey," Anti-Harry protested, forgetting who he was talking to for a moment. "I don't wanna get hit!"
Anti-Cosmo shot him a dangerous glare. "Neither do any of us, you fool, and if you do your job properly, none of us will."
Stifling a flinch, Anti-Harry nodded.
"Good," Anti-Cosmo said. "Group B consists of Anti-Walker, Anti-Bridget, and Anti-Ella." He announced, nodding to each anti-fairy in turn. "You're the first splinter group, so you will all peel off from our 'main group' first, hopefully taking a good chunk of the cherubs with you." The three murmured agreement, and Anti-Cosmo continued.
"Group C is made of Anti-Lola, Anti-Melody, and Anti-Brendan. You are the second splinter group, in a way, and you will separate almost immediately after Group B, except your task is to take down the cherubs that follow that group."
The genius leader paused for a moment to let his instructions sink in. "Groups D and E have Anti-Robbie, Anti-Darla, Anti-Arthur, Anti-Aria, Anti-Hailey, and Anti-Gina in them, respectively. You six will all be hiding, your goal to ambush the cherubs when we lead them right to you.
"Anyone I have not named will be in the main group, or Group F. Our job is to gather up as many cherubs as we can, and take them out of business, to put it nicely." He inhaled sharply. "Any questions?"
Meekly, Anti-Ella asked, "What do you mean by 'take them out'? Are we going to, uh, you know, destroy them?"
Anti-Cosmo scoffed. "And ruin our relationship with the anti-cherubs by killing their kind? I think not!" He hissed scornfully. "Although, it is a nice thought. Any more useless questions?"
No reply was forthcoming, so Anti-Cosmo allowed a smirk to curve his lips upward. "Alright, people, let's get going."
"You and your stupid ideas!" Foop shouted, ducking under an arrow whizzing by his cube-shaped body.
Anti-Cosmo's wand flashed, creating a shield which he used to block the sharp arrows being shot at him from all sides. "If you're looking for someone to blame, blame the others. They aren't doing their jobs properly! Actually, blame yourself! You started this whole thing!" He grunted, sending a blast of dark magic towards one of the cherubs.
"Well you should have anticipated that they wouldn't perform adequately and put more anti-fairies in each group!" The purple-eyed baby hissed, ignoring Anti-Cosmo's latter statement, his baby bottle almost three-quarters of the way empty as he shot beams of magic toward their assailants. "Or, at the very least, come up with a better plan!"
A growl came from Anti-Cosmo, who wanted nothing more than to whip around and turn his son into a smoldering pile of ashes. "Oh really? And where, pray tell, would I have gotten these extra allies from? And if you want a better plan, make one yourself!" As much as Anti-Cosmo loathed to admit it, Foop was right: this was a complete disaster.
"If I wasn't so busy knocking these stupid cherubs out right now, you would be begging me for mercy!" Foop shouted.
If Foop had been a few feet closer, and not in the middle of a giant fight, he would have heard his father's disdainful snort. "Over my dead body!"
"That can be easily arranged!" Foop retorted.
Their banter ceased for a few moments as they both ducked, swerved, and flipped away from the various arrows being flung at them. After a moment, there was a loud screech from Anti-Cosmo. "Duck!"
Instinctively, Foop ducked as a blaze of magic erupted from Anti-Cosmo's wand in all directions, knocking out all of the cherubs at once.
Foop's jaw dropped. "Why didn't you do that earlier and save us from all of this tedious battling?" He said, exasperated.
Anti-Cosmo rolled his eyes. "Don't you think that if I was able to do that prior to all of this 'tedious battling' as you've phrased it, I would have?"
A sharp reply at the ready, Foop opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off as Anti-Cosmo uttered a short, "ouch!"
Anti-Cupid couldn't help but let out a small cheer inside his head as his boss was hit with an anti-love arrow, turning his circular pupils into heart shaped ones. Finally, he could have an excuse for hitting Anti-Cosmo with an arrow! The anti-god grinned as he fitted an arrow into the bow, narrowing his eyes in concentration. The moment after he let the arrow fly, he noticed that instead of having a plunger-like tip, this particular anti-love arrow came to a sharp point at the end.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
This was bad. Very, very bad.
He was going to be in so much trouble when—
"Hey!"
As if Anti-Cupid's predicament couldn't get any worse.
Being the opposite of precision master, Cupid, Anti-Cupid's arrow-shooting skills left much to be desired. This in itself was a curse and a blessing. On the bright side, the anti-god hadn't hit Anti-Cosmo, but instead his son. Unfortunately, the young Mr. Anti-Cosma was just as frightening as his father.
For the record, Foop did not look happy. Although that only lasted a second, as his face lit up a moment later, with the nausea-inducing look of—dare Anti-Cupid even think it?—love.
Anti-Cupid shuddered, beginning to gag. Angry thoughts, Anti-Cupid, angry thoughts! He groaned, feeling a headache coming on. Shaking his head to clear it, he gave a little shrug, as if to say "what can you do?" and disappeared from view, a puff of black smoke the evidence he had ever been there.
"Anti-Wanda?" Anti-Cosmo called, fluttering joyously down the corridor. "Where are you, my dear?" He felt different than he usually did; lighter, more carefree. It was as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders by magic, all his stress vanishing into thin air. All that mattered was Anti-Wanda! Life was great!
He grinned maniacally, twirling in the air.
Suddenly, his wife appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. In his happy daze, he spun her around and gave her a peck on the cheek.
"Anti-Cozzie? Whatcha you doin' here? I thought you was gettin' rid of those lil' cherry-ups!" She asked, grabbing onto his jacket to steady herself.
His grin, if possible, grew wider and he leaned down to give her another quick kiss. "Being with you is more important that obliterating those cherubs, my dear. For some odd reason, that hasn't occurred to me before." For a moment, he felt confused. There was something . . . something he was supposed to do, that he had forgotten. Or was it something he was supposed to say? Ugh, he was giving himself a headache.
Anti-Cosmo shook his head in an effort to clear it. "Anyway, in an attempt to make up for wasting over half of the day running amok and being a completely irresponsible husband, I shall spend the rest of the day with you, doing whatever it is that you wish."
Anti-Wanda blinked, trying to decipher all of the big words her husband had just said. "So we's gonna do whatever I want, an' it don't matter how weird it is?" She asked.
"Indeed we are." Anti-Cosmo confirmed, a nagging voice in the back of his head asking why he was doing this. A part of him, the part that was strong enough to overcome the haze of the love arrows, or in this case, anti-love arrows, was also screaming at him to snap out of it, but quite unfortunately for that part, Anti-Cosmo's conciousness couldn't hear it.
In the meantime, Anti-Wanda's face lit up. This was going to be perfect! "Then I gots the perfect idea!" She smiled, grabbing Anti-Cosmo's hand and dragging him down the hallway. "C'mon, Cozzie!"
"To my utmost surprise, that was actually quite enjoyable." Anti-Cosmo said, impressed.
Anti-Wanda grinned, flopping onto her back and looking up at the blanket-roof. "I done told ya it was gonna be fun!" She exclaimed, stretching out her arms and legs. "I keep tellin' ya'll that you gots to try you some new things, or you ain't never gonna find yourself no fun things tah do!"
A small, indignant huff escaped Anti-Cosmo's lips. "Was that your way of saying that I'm a workaholic and should consider taking a day or two off once in a blue moon to make more pillow forts with you?" He asked, encircling her waist with an arm and pulling her closer to himself, breathing in her soft, warm scent.
"You's a which? Stop usin' all them fancy-shmancy big words!" She grumbled, resting her head on his chest.
A smile twitched Anti-Cosmo's mouth upwards. "If you insist. Were you attempt—er, trying to tell me that I work too much and that I should stop working so much so that I have more time to spend with you?"
"Um," his dimwitted damsel murmured. "Maybe?"
He laughed and ruffled her hair, which by then had come out of its usual front curl and was floating messily around her face. "You're smarter than I give you credit for, my dear."
Anti-Wanda didn't reply, not because she didn't have a reply, but because the blanket they had used as a roof fell suddenly, covering the two of them in a mess of fluffy fibres. Neither tried to escape their fuzzy prison though, instead beginning to laugh. Or, more precisely, Anti-Wanda began to laugh as Anti-Cosmo began to tickle her, the arm around her waist trapping her in place.
The laughter echoed down the hallway and straight to Foop's pricked ears. The young mastermind sighed heavily, banging his head on the desk in front of him, wondering how, or why the arrows' influence hadn't worn off by now. This was becoming tedious, and distracting as well.
If only Anti-Cosmo could've read his son's thoughts; he would have chuckled. The effects of the arrows had worn of many hours ago, right before He and Anti-Wanda had begun building the blanket fort, to be exact. Though, no one really needed to know that, now did they?
Meanwhile, through a heart shaped screen, Cupid sat back and grinned into his coffee. As usual, Valentine's Day had been a fabulous success.
(3792 words)
OH MY GOD IT'S FINALLY DONE! Finally! Wow, that took forever to finish! Seriously, I started this like five whole months ago! Gah words can't explain my joy right now. :D I'm just so happy. Nothing can ruin this day!
Review? Please? I'll love you, if I don't already. And if I already love you, I'll love you even more. Now wouldn't that be wonderful?
Happy Valentine's Day, guys!