Blackwall had given her the idea. Deciding to go visit the Grey Warden, she'd walked in on him working some wood into the shape of a griffon rocker. It was just something to keep the children busy, he'd told her, almost abashed by the admission, as if she could find the gesture anything less than heartbreakingly thoughtful. Ever since their conversation, she hadn't been seen without a small hunk of wood in hand, carving knife picking a shape into the block.
Already she had more than a dozen figurines. There were horses, bears, lions, soldiers, and figures from the Elvhen pantheon. She'd sanded them down as best she could, remembering the technique her father had taught her so many years ago. The last time she'd worked wood had been when she was a teenager. Almost a decade later, she was surprised that she'd retained the lessons as well as she had. Admittedly these small trinkets were nothing compared to what she used to make, but they would do just fine.
Snatching her pack up off of the floor of her bedchambers, Delani swiped the wooden figures off of her bed and into the pack's open mouth. She hoped that she'd made enough, if anything she would just make more and go back later. Confident that she had everything she needed, Delani straightened her tunic and left her bedchambers in a hurry. Excitement put an extra bounce in her step, filling her with a feeling she hadn't felt in a long while; one she couldn't identify just yet, but had missed none the less.
She zipped through the main hall, returning greetings with polite smiles as she ran for the open doors. There wasn't time for sophisticated conversation at the moment; well there was, she just had better things to do. She wasn't planning to be back in Skyhold long, but she intended to make the most of what little time she had. Spending it gossiping with nobles was not on her agenda.
Delani glided down the steps, walked a little further and descended another stairwell. Once she was in the lower courtyard she made a beeline for the open gate. There was an encampment just outside of Skyhold where the workers under the Inquisition's employ were living. It was a dreary place in comparison to Skyhold, dirt roads worn into the mountain side, the smell of too many bodies living too close together filling the air.
She'd already approved more than a dozen requisitions to improve the living conditions in the encampment, and was pushing to make it a priority. With so many things that still needed to be done, it was too easy for the encampment's needs to be forgotten or pushed back to make room for more pressing matters. It wouldn't last forever, but while these people waited for the Inquisition's attention, she felt like there was more that she could be doing herself.
The smell hit her first, and Delani did her best to ignore it. It wasn't overwhelming or sickening, but it did make her stomach drop. People were living like this, her people. More than just elves; humans, dwarves, a handful of qunari, they'd all come to the Inquisition seeking hope and purpose. They'd left their homes and their livelihoods, trusting that the Inquisition, that she, would lead them to a better tomorrow. This was what their lives had become. These tents made of cloth and rope were their homes, and still they managed to smile and invest their faith in the banner they served.
They all deserved better, they all deserved more, and she would give them exactly that. While she couldn't snap her fingers and summon a town into being, there was something that she could do. Children had come with their parents, towed along to serve the Inquisition. All they knew were the soldiers and the inspirational banner that decorated every inch of Skyhold. If there was something that she could do to make their days just a bit more enjoyable, then that was exactly what she would do.
Following the sound of childish laughter, it didn't take long for her to find the whelps running through the tents, kicking a ball made of burlap and string. A smile unraveled at the sight of them. Delani remembered being their age. It had always been so easy to make anything into a toy, to turn anything into a game. There was so much wonderment in being a child, she envied their youth and the freedoms of their age.
Kicking the ball with a bit too much force, one of the children sent the ball rolling toward where Delani was standing. Lifting the toe of her boot off of the ground, she stopped the ball and kneeled down to pick it up. The children were quick to come up to her, hoping to retrieve the ball before she took it away from them or scolded them for playing when the adults had so much work to do.
Playfully pursing her lips, Delani tucked the ball between her hip and arm and stared down at the handful of kids surrounding her. Casually leaning her weight on her hip, she wondered, "How many of you want to play a game?"
The children all looked at each other for a moment, surprised by the question. They looked back at her as though she'd sprouted wings and a lion's tail, she was some strange creature, not an adult like their parents. Before long every single one of their hands shot up with a recurring, "Me, me, me!" shouting from them.
Delani lifted her hand, silencing their mantra, and her smile grew. There were only a handful of them present and there was no possible way that these were all the children in camp. Smile turing encouraging, she instructed them to, "Gather all the children in camp. I want each of you to bring back at least one other child. Once all of you are here we'll play some games and I'll give away prizes."
"There are prizes?" a small voice cried out excitedly.
Nodding, she untucked her arm from the strap of her pack and swung it to her side for easier access. Delani pulled free the first figure her fingers touched, which happened to be as close as she could get to a griffon. Small jaws fell at the sight of the toy, giddy excitement making every last one of them jittery all of a sudden.
She put the griffon back in her pack before waving them off. "Go," she said with a laugh, "I want a whole army of children here by the time all of you are back."
Delani should have been more careful with her request. She'd asked for an army of children and that was exactly what she'd gotten. What pulled a smile onto her face though, was more than the fact that they'd sought out as many children as possible, but also that they hadn't restricted their search to human children. There were more than a few wide eyed elven children in the bunch, and they'd been recruited simply for the fact that they were children.
Looking at all of them encircling her made it painfully obvious that she hadn't made nearly enough figurines for all of them. It was a damn good thing that she knew a handful of great games, because they would have to be prizes unto themselves. The next time she did this she would need to plan it better.
"Alright," said Delani, tossing the ball into the air only to catch it again. Scanning over the children, she wondered, "Who knows how to play 'Catch the Fennec'?" Her smile grew with satisfaction when not a single hand shot up. Unsurprising, as it was a Dalish game. A new game meant that it would be more fun, and they would enjoy it all the more.
Excited for all the trouble that would soon unfold, Delani grinned as she said, "Let's start with the rules."
Hours later they'd played every single game from her childhood, they taught her a few of their own games, and together made up some of their own. Delani had taught them Dalish nursery rhymes and handed out prizes to anyone who could solve her riddles. The children's parents, soldiers, and damn near everyone would sit and stare for a while, fascinated by the elf making a fool of herself and playing with the children. Most didn't recognize her as the Inquisitor, but when a few did word spread quickly.
The children didn't care who she was, or what title she bore. To them, she was just the fun woman with games to play and toys to give. There were a great many things that she missed about her clan, but the thing that topped that list was the sound of children at play. If rolling around in the mud, chasing after a crudely put together ball, or making up a ridiculous riddle meant hearing their laughter, she didn't have it in her to feel ashamed.
At least they'd never accuse her of being boring.
He didn't quite believe it when he heard that the Inquisitor was in the encampment outside of Skyhold, playing in the mud. The stir it caused was difficult to ignore, though. Cullen had been in his office, attempting to catch up on the mountain of paperwork that had built up over the course of the day, when the gossip had become impossible to ignore for a moment longer.
"Commander," one of his soldiers had said, leaning into his office with all thoughts of professional propriety thrown to the wind. A grin on her lips, she'd said, "You have to see this."
Too focused on his work to notice his soldier's lack of professionalism, or to bother getting up to see what 'had' to be seen, he'd sighed, "What is it?" and hoped that the soldier would let him return to his business.
She'd replied with a poorly disguised giggle. "It's the Inquisitor."
Focus pulled from the paperwork scattered over his desk, Cullen's brows furrowed with curiosity as he pushed himself out of his seat and followed the soldier out of his office. The girl led him onto the battlements and pointed his attention to the encampment below. He'd stepped up beside her and followed her gesturing finger only to find a whole squadron of children chasing after an auburn haired elf.
"Maker," he said to himself, a smile starting to surface on his lips. "What is she doing?"
Still standing beside him, the soldier supplied, "If I had to guess, Sir, I'd say she's playing."
"I can see that, Rhen," he replied with an exasperated shake of his head.
Shrugging, she struggled to keep the smile from her lips when she reminded him, "You asked, Sir." They both watched the Inquisitor for a moment before she offhandedly wondered, "Should I call for the physician? Perhaps she hit her head or something."
Taken aback by her question, Cullen looked at the soldier with surprise lifting his brows. "Maker's breath, Rhen." he said with a cough, "She's playing with children, not a raving lunatic. Leave her be."
"As you say, Commander," she said, a smile in her voice.
Cullen returned his attention to the encampment, not noticing when Rhen excused herself and left him to stand there on his own. He stood watch on the battlements for some time, observing Delani as she ran to and fro with a horde children. Even this high on the wall, he could hear their laughter. A smile stretched over his lips. Curiosity combined with deep admiration warmed in his stomach.
While he didn't know why she was doing what she was doing, he could appreciate the gesture all the same. The Inquisitor was setting aside appearances for the sake of children she didn't even know. She didn't care that she looked stark raving mad, all she cared about were those children.
The warmth spread in his chest, seeping like hot oil through his veins. Where had a woman like Delani even come from? How was it possible that such a woman could exist?
Before Cullen knew it the sun had shifted in the sky and an hour had gone by without his notice. His thoughtful admiring trance was broken by one of Leliana's newer runners.
"Commander," she shuffled her feet nervously when he turned his gaze on her, professing her lack of experience. "The Duke of Cumberland has just arrived and is demanding a meeting with the Inquisitor. He refuses to be made to wait."
His hackles rose with the message. Who was this nobleman that he felt so inclined to make such demands of the Inquisitor?
"His family owns a large portion of the spice trade, Sir," the messenger answered his unasked question before he could give voice to it. "He says he wants to talk about investing in the Inquisition."
As much as Cullen hated how the nobleman had gone about his visitation, he couldn't deny that the meeting had too much potential for them to let it slip through their fingers. Combing back his blond hair, Cullen glanced back at the encampment, where Delani was being pulled down to the ground by a legion of children demanding to ride on her back.
When the messenger cautiously asked, "Would you like me to get her?" Cullen shook his head and dismissed her with a professional, "It's fine, I'll inform the Inquisitor myself."
The messenger acknowledged his statement with a fist over her heart before backing away and returning to her duties. Of all the days to have an impatient nobleman demanding to see the Inquisitor, it had to be the day she decided to play in the mud.
Appearances were everything in court and they didn't have enough time to get Delani cleaned up. Another long sigh expelled from him as he left the battlements. If the nobleman wanted to speak to her so urgently he would just have to accept her how she was. If he took issue with it he could discuss his discontent with Cullen, who would happily put him in his place.
Cullen walked past Skyhold's gates and into the pilgrims' encampment. Puddles of melted snow and mud splashed under his boots as he strode towards the sound of children screaming and laughing. A smile struggled at the corners of his mouth when he strode past a few tents and found Delani with a child on her back, another on her hip, and one more hanging from her free arm, there were dozens more running circles around her scream-singing what he guessed to be a Dalish nursery rhyme.
Her sea green eyes met his and the smile that was already on her face grew at the sight of him. "Cullen!" she shouted, a laugh in her voice, her grin reaching her eyes. She adjusted her grip on the child on her hip, as he approached.
Once he was close enough, Delani introduced him to her army of children. "Children, this is Commander Cullen. He is in charge of the Inquisition's forces."
"That's the soldiers!" one of the children shouted in needless explanation.
Nodding, Delani gestured that he was correct in his observation. "That's right."
Though he hated having to pull her away from the fun she was obviously having, Cullen knew that there was pressing business to attend to, and it couldn't wait a moment longer than necessary. "Inquisitor—"
"Cullen, please, my name has only six letters." To her fleet of children, she explained, "The Commander keeps forgetting my name. You should all remind him what it is."
Her eyes didn't leave his for a moment when the whole lot of them screamed in unison, "Delani!"
Foxy smirk twisting the corners of her mouth, she quirked an eyebrow in challenge before commenting, "See, Commander, easy."
He fought back his smile, trying hard to maintain a professional appearance. Placing his hands on the pommel of his sword, Cullen straightened his shoulders and tried again, "Lady Lavellan," a small smile did manage its way onto his face at the sight of Delani shaking her head in disappointment. "Something has come up, there is an important meeting that you are to attend without delay. If you would please accompany me, I'll take you there straight away."
The Inquisitor sighed heavily, this time with real disappointment. "The work never ends, does it?" she said to herself, before instructing the boys hanging from her to get back on their feet. She looked down at the little girl on her hip with a smile, and tucked her curly blonde hair behind a rounded ear. Placing the child back on the ground, Delani took a step toward Cullen before turning around to face her entourage.
"I have to get back to work, children." A laugh spilled from her at the sound of their groaning. Placing her hands on her hips, Delani scolded them, "Now, now, none of that. I'll be back again soon, with more prizes next time." They rushed her like a litter of pups, wanting to hug her goodbye, telling her how much they'd miss her.
It was a sweet display, and Cullen was sorry that he'd cut their time together short. Perhaps next time she came to the encampment he would come with her, if only to see her with the children first hand. Seeing Delani like this warmed his heart straight down to his soul.
When she finally managed to pull away from the small hands grasping at her, Delani backed up until she was at Cullen's side and then smiled up at him to signal that she was ready. Cullen just stared at her for a moment. Her hair was unkempt, there was a light layer of sweat covering her brow, and a smudge of dirt on her cheek; her eyes were bright with laughter, and there was a grin on her face. Delani Lavellan had to be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
He cleared his throat when he realized that he'd been staring for too long, and gestured for her to lead the way. She smiled softly at him before turning on her heel and pushing them forward. They started walking back towards Skyhold and she wondered, "What's this meeting and who's it with?"
"The Duke of Cumberland," Cullen supplied, glancing down at the beautiful woman at his side. "He's here to discuss investing coin into the Inquisition, and wanted to speak with you right away."
Delani sighed, "That sounds important," before looking down at herself. When she glanced back up at Cullen it was with a hopeful quirk of her eyebrow. "Do you think that I have time for a quick bath?"
Shaking his head, Cullen apologized, "Unfortunately, you do not. The Duke was very clear about his urgency." Knowing that it wouldn't solve anything, Cullen reached into his pocket anyway and retrieved the kerchief he usually kept there. Handing it to Delani he said, "It won't help much but… here."
She accepted the token with surprise in her voice, "Thank you, Cullen." and started to wipe the dirt off of her face. Delani patted down her auburn hair in an attempt to straighten it out, combing the knots out with her fingers.
They reached the steps to the main hall before she stopped and turned to face him. Quickly glancing down at herself, she looked back up at Cullen and wondered, "How do I look?"
A smile wormed its way onto his lips as he regarded her. Her hair would need a brush in order for its natural shine to be restored, there was only the slightest tang of sweat coming from her, the smell inoffensive, but noticeable, and there was still a smudge of dirt streaked across her cheek. To him, she looked lovely, to a nobleman, she'd look a mess.
Lifting his hand to her face, Cullen paused just before touching her, searching her eyes for permission and waiting until he had it. Her eyes widened with surprise, but once Delani knew what he intended, she nodded for him to proceed. His heart leaped the second his skin met hers. She was warm under his fingertips, her skin soft as he wiped away the dirt from her cheek.
For a moment, Cullen became so enthralled by his task he forgot that they were standing in the middle of the courtyard. His focus was on the feel of her skin, the shape of her cheekbone, the enchanting design of her crimson colored vallaslin. His heart was drumming against his ears, beating wildly, excitedly, as he lost himself to her beauty.
Gaze wandering from her cheek, down the slope of her adorable nose, to the full shape of her lips, Cullen swallowed hard as he wondered how they would feel pressed against his own. What would she feel like pressed against him? Was all of her so warm? Andraste preserve him, he so desperately wanted answers to all of those questions. Her lips stretched into a heartbreaking smile, and Cullen's eyes were pulled up toward hers. The sea green orbs were regarding him with amusement, teasing and joking in a way that belonged singularly to her.
With a laugh in her voice, Delani asked, "Did you get it?" and Cullen realized that his hand was now cupping her cheek.
Snatching his hand back, Cullen awkwardly returned it to his side, and coughed to hide his blushing cheeks. "I, erm… Yes, I got it."
He glanced at Delani only to rip his gaze away again. She was smiling at him knowingly, as if she'd caught him doing something embarrassing. Why was it suddenly so hot out? They were on the peak of a mountain, for the Maker's sake.
Clearing his throat, Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and tried to steer them back on track. "We've kept the Duke waiting long enough."
"Right," she agreed with a laugh, and followed after him when he started up the stairs. Keeping stride beside him, Delani was gracious enough to change the subject when she next spoke. "Have you received word about my clan yet?"
Cullen glanced down at Delani and apologetically shook his head. "Not yet," he answered before assuring her, "But we should hear something soon."
She sighed, but nodded that she understood. "I'll just have to try and be patient, I suppose."
Not wanting her to encumber herself with dreary thoughts, Cullen insisted, "Your family will be fine, my lady. I swear it."
Delani looked up at him, hope in her eyes as she searched his face and found sincerity. Smile twitching at the edge of her mouth, she confessed, "I believe you."
Those words meant more to him than he expected them to. She believed him. The lives of her people, her clan, her family were in danger and she was trusting him to protect them. She trusted that his men would keep them safe. She was trusting him with the most important thing to her. Cullen was humbled by hearing those words, and surprised by how much they meant to him.
They entered Josephine's office, where the meeting would transpire, and found that everyone was already present. Josephine's eyes widened with horror at the sight of Delani entering the room, her gaze immediately went to the Duke to catch his reaction. Cullen also followed her gaze, and his eyes narrowed at what he saw.
Though his face was covered by a mask, the Duke's body language spoke volumes. His back was ramrod straight, his shoulders stiff, hands balled into tight fists at his sides. He was taking Delani's lack of professional appearance personally, as an insult, as though she didn't take the meeting seriously.
If Delani noticed the revulsion with which the Duke was regarding her, she pretended not to. Plastering a smile onto her face, she approached the Duke with an outstretched hand and gracefully returned it to her side when he refused to take it. "Duke of Cumberland, welcome to Skyhold. It's an honor to have you with us."
The Duke scoffed, turning his nose at Delani's greeting. "An honor," he challenged. "If this is the manner by which you greet an honored guest, then I feel for those who are not held in such high regard."
Straightening her shoulders, Delani cooly replied, "Yes, well, it's dirty work cleaning up everyone else's messes."
"Quite," he replied, a sneer in his voice. Looking around at the others in the room, the Duke admitted, "I expected more from the Inquisition, though I suppose I shouldn't have." Pointed eyes returning to Delani, he finished, "You are Dalish, after all. Barbarians, the whole lot of you."
Cullen's jaw ached from how hard he was grinding his teeth. He took a step forward, intending to make the Duke eat his words, when Delani raised a hand and stopped him in his tracks. Her tone remained polite and professional when she spoke.
"You came here to talk business, did you not, Ser Duke?" Gesturing for them all to take a seat, she insisted, "Let us sit and get started."
Reluctantly, he sat and the rest of them followed suit. It didn't take long for Cullen to figure out that the nobleman was just stringing them all along. He'd probably traveled the distance just to see Delani for himself, as though she were some animal on display. Whenever Cullen would try to end the meeting, tired of wasting time, either Delani or Josephine would subtly motion for him to be patient. When the man started to take jabs at the Inquisitor, his patience for the Duke had finally reached its end.
"Honestly, how does the Inquisition intend to go anywhere with a knife ear as its leader?" he demanded. "How can you ask me to invest coin in a cause that cannot even take itself seriously?"
Snidely he added, "The Inquisition will fail if only because it will never be able to keep up appearances as long as this savage is in charge."
Even though her features remained passive and calm, Cullen could tell that the Duke's biting words were wearing on Delani. Her green eyes were hard masks, solid walls that kept anyone from knowing what was going on inside. The Duke was hurting her, and Cullen would not sit and watch for a moment longer.
"The Inquisition is not interested in your coin," Cullen spat, standing from his chair and looming over the nobleman. "We did not invite you here. You came of your own vocation, and demanded to be greeted with ceremony that we were not prepared to give, and that you do not deserve."
His anger grew with each word spoken. Who did this man think he was to speak to Delani in such a manner? She was the Herald of Andraste, the Inquisitor, no one spoke to her like that no matter their title. "She may be an elf, but it is you who are the savage. You are an ignorant fool and you will leave Skyhold tonight. You are no longer welcome here."
Gasping as though Cullen had run a sword through his chest, the Duke stammered for only a second before regaining his footing. "I will do no such thing—"
"You will," Cullen growled, the threat clear in his voice. "You will either leave here voluntarily, or my soldiers will clear you out, either way you are not staying here for one more day."
When it became obvious that there was no showboating his way out of this one, the Duke kicked back his chair and stood from his seat. Not bothering with a goodbye he stormed out of the room.
Rubbing her brow, Leliana murmured, "Good riddance."
Josephine looked to Delani, her eyes pleading as she admitted, "I had no idea that he would act so terribly, Inquisitor. I am so sorry that you had to sit through that."
The smile on Delani's lips was polite. "It's fine, Josie," she said as she stood from her seat. Her eyes were still hard, her expression still unreadable, and Cullen hated that that noble bastard had managed to take the laughter from her eyes.
She dismissed herself from Josephine's office and the advisors stayed behind for a moment longer. It was Leliana who broke the silence with a sighed, "Well, that could have gone better."
Cullen disagreed. If it were up to him, it wouldn't have happened at all.
A few hours later and Cullen was seated at his desk once again, trying one more time to get through the paperwork that had piled up on his desk. The pile had grown since he'd last attended to it. It was twice the size it had been before, and he was considering working straight through the night if it meant that he could manage to cut it in half. At least then he'd keep the nightmares away.
The wind carried a song through his open window, and Cullen's attention was pulled from the papers scattered over his desk. It was soft, only the melody reaching him at his desk. He forced his attention back to his work, but the song continued and his curiosity got the best of him. Cullen stood from his chair and walked toward the open window, expecting to see nothing but the battlements shadowed by night. Instead he found the Inquisitor sitting on the ledge and staring out into the night.
Too intrigued to even bother sitting back down at his desk, Cullen opened the door to his office and stepped out into the night. Delani had stopped singing at the sound of the door opening, but didn't acknowledge his approach until he was standing beside her.
She'd bathed since the last time he saw her. Her hair was shining under the moonlight, the smell of wildflowers reaching his nose and invigorating his senses. There was a chunk of wood in her hand, her carving knife out of its sheath and digging into the block. Already a form was starting to take shape, though he couldn't tell yet what it was. Cullen stepped up to the ledge and leaned his elbows against it, glancing quickly at Delani before moving his gaze toward the horizon.
"I'm sorry for walking you into that today," he said, genuinely upset with himself for allowing her to be berated by some pompous bigot undeserving of her time or attention. He should have spoken up sooner. He shouldn't have taken her into the meeting at all.
Shaking her head, she replied, "It's okay, Cullen. He didn't say anything that I haven't heard before. Herald of Andraste, Inquisitor, it doesn't matter. To some people I will never be anything more than an elf." Her attention was on carving a shape into the wood and she didn't look up from her task when she spoke. "I'm just sorry that we didn't manage to take his gold."
Cullen smiled at her jest and nodded in agreement. Giving her a sidelong glance, he moved his attention to the wood being worked in her hand. Curiously, he wondered, "A prize for the children?"
A smile inched over her lips as she nodded. She blew on the wood, clearing her workspace, before she answered, "I didn't have enough for all of them. I need to make more for next time."
"You plan on going back?" he asked, unsurprised considering how much she had appeared to have been enjoying herself when he'd had to pull her away.
"I do," she admitted, a fond smile brightening her beautiful features.
Cullen stared at her for a moment, words escaping him. Blinking hard, he forced himself back into the conversation with the observation, "You're good with the children." He didn't know why he found the fact so surprising, or so endearing, but it was one that he enjoyed all the same.
"I like kids," she said, glancing at him before refocusing on her project. "They haven't learned to hate yet." Without looking away from the wood, she explained, "To them I'm just a woman with toys to give and games to play. I'm not a knife ear, I'm not a savage, I'm just Delani."
Frowning that she would even say such a thing, Cullen insisted, "You're not either of those things. You are a strong and capable woman. The Duke of Cumberland is an ignorant bastard who knows nothing about you. He doesn't deserve to lick the ground you walk on."
She grinned at Cullen then, making him blush under her amused gaze. "Commander Cullen," she gasped, a laugh in her voice. "That has to be the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."
He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling embarrassed for having spoken so outright. Had he been too revealing with his words? Should he have chosen them more carefully? Before he could mumble a half thought reply she inched off of the ledge and back onto the battlements.
Delani stood before him, a grin still on her lips. "It's getting late," she said and disappointment started to spill through his veins. "I should probably return to my chambers."
"Right," he replied, rubbing the back of his neck again in attempt to disguise his disappointment. "I have paperwork to finish," he said more to himself, remembering the pile that still needed to be tended to.
Smiling up at him, she placed a hand on his bracer, before softly saying, "Good night, vhenan'ara."
He bowed his head, "Good night, Del—" Cullen caught himself before he could finish. Clearing his throat, he corrected, "Lady Lavellan."
Smile turning departing, Delani swiveled around and left him on the battlements. He watched her go, staring after her longingly. She was breathtaking, and Cullen wondered whether or not he would ever be a man deserving of her. No, he concluded, not even if he lived a hundred lives he would never deserve a woman like her.