I have two more crack drabbles that I did for a KHR crack pairing contest a few years back. Polishing them a bit and posting them before I get started on any requests. This was written a few years back, so pardon any awkward wording.
Pairing: Byakuran/Bianchi
Failed Assassinations Aren't Always that Bad
Byakuran Gesso, presently one of the younger Mafia Bosses. Don of the Gesso family, currently absorbed in consolidating his power, making careful alliances.
Ever since he was little, he had been groomed by his parents to take his place as Don. And of course, some of that grooming had been about detecting assassins.
So that lead him to his present situation, with the marshmallow-lover quite sure that the lovely new rose-haired maid had somehow managed to make his food radioactive by just touching it. How curious. After calling her out and having his security apprehend her (clever woman somehow had managed to decimate half his elite guards with just food. Even more interesting), it was a simple decision to attempt to extract information from her.
He ordered for her to be put in a room for interrogation. And since he was so curious to know about her talent, he decided to interrogate her himself.
"Ana Captor, eh. Are you sure that's who you really are?"
"Of course," she replied without hesitation. "Why would I be anyone else?"
"Well, for one, you don't seem very sure about saying your name," he chided lightly, legs crossed on the chair across the table from her. "Two, it's customary for assassins of your caliber to have fake names, isn't it?"
"You make good points," she conceded, "but maybe I'm nervous because my assassination attempt failed and I'm currently stuck in an interrogation room. Does the nervousness still strike you as odd?"
"Well," Byakuran looked up. "You're an experienced assassin. That's evident from the condition of the food. No doubt you should be used to interrogation." He paused. "You do know that we could eliminate you any time now, but I'd like to get to know you! What might your real name be, then?"
A few hundred miles away, Hayato got the Someone-is-hitting-on-my-sister vibes.
"I'd rather not give my name. Since you are obviously a skilled Mafia Boss yourself, you could easily use it to track down those who I care about and exact vengeance. I'd prefer to avoid it thank you very much," she replied.
Byakuran considered this for a moment. "Fine then. How about if you give me only your first name, I'll promise not to attempt to track down anyone you may care about and do anything to them?" he suggested.
The woman seemed to sag with relief; a well-hidden gesture that only people skilled with reading people would be able to detect. "You may call me... Bianchi."
"Bianchi, eh?" he thought a bit. "Somehow it sounds familiar…"
"Perhaps," she replied, "But you promised you weren't going to check, right?"
"Of course, of course, just…" Byakuran paused in his speech, an innocent smile coming on his face. "So, tell me, Bianchi. Why are you here?
She stared at him with a highly skeptical expression. "Even a dyslexic person would know the answer to that, Mr. Gesso," she deadpanned. "But I'll humor you- To kill you, of course."
"And now why ever would you do that?" he asked, a smile playing on his lips.
Her expression smoothed out, flattened, and she didn't make another sound.
He decided to visit her again the next day instead of continuing asking her tonight. "Be that way, lady Bianchi. You'll find your accommodations will improve if you give me the information you want." Byakuran stood up and put his hand on the doorknob, still facing her. "As you gave me your real name, I'll entitle you to two meals a day. Now, goodnight. You may want to think my words over and give me a response at precisely 6:30 in the evening tomorrow."
As the door closed, Bianchi slumped and regretfully thought to her little brother and brother-like friends that would surely notice her disappearance, and worry. She hated making them worry.
The next day, Byakuran came in right on time. "Let's continue then, shall we?"
Bianchi mentally hardened herself - unless she answered correctly, her self-assigned mission would have failed completely, and her brother would not be safe. She couldn't risk having her name tracked and her brother discovered and assassinated in turn, nonono-
"Why not you tell me about what food you like to eat!"
She looked up, puzzled. "Why would you want to know something like that?" the rosette asked.
He smiled, blindingly bright this time. "I've decided that since I really don't have anything to do these days, I'll bother you and find out more about you until you trust me and then tell me who employed you!" he announced.
If she wasn't shackled to her chair by her wrists, the assassin would have facepalmed. "So you are as eccentric as the rumours say," Bianchi muttered.
"So? What's your favorite food?" Byakuran asked again, patiently.
It was a harmless thing to answer. "Hmmm... I've grown an affection for Japanese food over the years. Sushi, I would suppose."
"Sushi?" Byakuran laughed. "Ah, that's nice. What's your opinion on… Marshmallows?"
"Marshmallows? I've only ever tried them once, and they're pretty sweet, I guess?"
They continued talking for nearly half an hour about an array of different mindless topics - TV shows, hobbies, places, friends-
"Wait." Bianchi stopped. Her gaze hardened. "You're just building up these seemingly small questions to find out about the mafia group I'm in, aren't you? You're just trying to lure me into telling you who I protect? That's your goal, isn't it?"
"Actually, no," he grinned. "I've decided that since you're interesting, I'll get to know you better! goodnight, Ms. Bianchi."
The next morning, she was served a plate of sushi for breakfast, much to her disbelief.
"So are you assassin full-time?" Byakuran asked brightly on her third day as his prisoner. "Or do you spend some time as a chef, too?"
"I don't see any reason to answer your questions," Bianchi replied stubbornly.
He frowned. "Hmmm, what's with this attitude? You were cooperative enough th first two days."
She looked up and glared at him. "I'm not going to feed you any more information. Why are you keeping me here, anyway?" After saying that, she expected him to get angry, or beat her up, or do something, but he merely smiled. His body language read that he was completely relaxed, and the woman wasn't sure to be impressed or slightly scared.
The Gesso Don scooted back his chair. "Well, you're an interesting soul, and you have quite a curious sort of skill with your hands. I simply wished to learn more about you, and possibly discover the tricks you have in your hands. However, as I see that I am unwelcome at the moment... I will leave you alone for the night." With a careless nod of his head at her stunned self, Byakuran exited the door.
Bianchi wasn't sure what to feel.
Three weeks later
He didn't return the next day. And the next, and the next, until Bianchi started feeling rather uncomfortable. Where was he? What was he doing? Why wasn't he here to disturb her? Had anything happened to him? As reluctant as Bianchi was to admit, she realized she was missing his presence already, even after talking to him for only three days. It was the power of the Gesso boss, Bianchi supposed. She was unwittingly getting attracted to him
"Where is he?" she abruptly asked the servant who had brought her meal that day. The maid set down the plate - it was Russian borscht and some sandwiches, foods she remembered telling him she had enjoyed before - and looked at her questioningly.
"Who do you mean, miss?" she asked quietly, not meeting Bianchi's eyes.
"This marshmallow-obsessed fellow that continually pestered me the first few weeks I was here. It's been a while, and it's almost nerve-wracking with the lack of human contact. Or is isolation his tactic now?"
"Byakuran-sama?" the maid answered carefully. "I'm not sure, actually, he's probably in his office. He's been making plans recently- Wait, I said absolutely nothing!"
Bianchi narrowed her eyes. "Right. Thanks."
The maid scurried off.
It puzzled her, now that she knew that he was making plans after talking to her. Even though she logically had no reason to worry, she had plenty of reason to worry - what if he was planning to destroy the Vongola after all? As well as her brother?
Had she failed her mission entirely?
... And why did she still want to see him so badly?
Bianchi stifled the feelings, and decided that it was high time to get around to doing something more productive since she was sure that he wouldn't be appearing anytime soon. "Productive" as in escaping her confinement.
Using some rice she had saved from the sushi that he had served for her days ago, Bianchi had managed to make some of her special metal-dissolving ricecakes. She would have preferred to use the sakura mochi, but she hadn't been able to procure the proper ingredients.
Standing up from her bed, she quietly shifted along the wall to the camera monitoring her room. A ricecake to the wall connector later, and the camera was no more. Then the chains holding her to the bed melted with a hiss she hadn't heard in a long time, and Bianchi took out the doorknob next.
The guard outside hadn't been particularly friendly with his greeting- really, one should know better than to greet a lady with an axe. A swift kick to the groin and an elbow to his windpipe had ensured his unconsciousness. A moment later, he was rid of his clothes (Bianchi had been stuck wearing a sterile white gown the whole time here) and she pulled his cap over her eyes.
Then the blasted alarms started ringing. With some swears picked up from her dear brother, Bianchi began racing down the corridor to the nearest window. Metal bars had already begun sliding down, but Bianchi curled herself up mid-jump, crashing through the window with a dramatic shattering of glass-
She looked down for a single second. Fuck, she had been on the fourth floor-
Fortunately, there were bushes directly underneath her. Not exactly the best cushioning, but it would suffice-
Instead, strong arms wrapped around her mid-air, and Bianchi found herself caught a second time by Byakuran, who was smirking smugly down at her. Immediately, the assassin shoved some ricecake in his mouth, leaping away and sprinting for the wall as he choked on the poisonous food. She ignored the pang in her chest, and vaulted over.
Then there was a hand on the back of her neck and everything went black.
"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, Hayato..."
Two days later
She woke up to seeing the same ceiling she was trying so hard to get away from - it reminded her about her escape mission, and that she had failed again.
"Dammit," she whispered.
Byakuran came in that day. For some reason, it calmed her slightly, but only for a few moments, before returning back to her hard cover. She vaguely remember the events that happened when she was last awake - Byakuran wrestling her back, and somewhere along her jumping off, a hand reaching at her neck-
Bianchi was snapped out by his voice. "So, I ask you again - who are your employers?"
There was a distinct sound of grudge in her voice. "I had no employers," she hissed, temper at its breaking point. "No one ordered me to kill you, I just went after you myself."
Diplomatically, "I'm curious as to what I could have possibly done to deserve your assassination attempt," Byakuran thought aloud.
The woman clammed up and didn't utter another word, so he simply leaned back in the chair. "I am perfectly capable of living in this room with you until you confess your motives."
"Wow. I'm honored," she deadpanned, "though could you do me a favor and go drown yourself in the toilet bowl over there?"
This was going to be a painful time...
It was a long and arduous journey every single day.
There was one bed. Byakuran offered to sleep on the floor. There was one toilet. It was very agonizing when either hogged it. There was one chair. It was very awkward when he sat on it and simply stared at her, as if trying to find out her secrets through eyepower alone.
And honestly, Bianchi felt that she couldn't sleep a wink at night, even when Byakuran was lying on the floor and facing the other way. Sleeping in a room with a man (who was unrelated to the Family, and was not actually engaging in sexual acts with her?) hardly happened when she was on a job, self-appointed or not, and she was annoyed at how it got to her. All Byakuran ever did was stare at her, and it was a lot more unnerving than she ever imagined.
He greeted her every morning when she woke up. No matter how early she awoke, he was always already seated on the chair in the corner, staring, waiting for her to open her eyes.
Endure it longer, she told herself. You can do this. Don't let him find out your family - because the Vongola was more than her Famiglia, it was her family that she cared for deeply.
Maids brought in food for them. They would give paperwork to their Boss, and it was only those times which he had to concentrate on paperwork that Bianchi had relief from the intense stares, though he would glance up every so often, and their eyes would meet, and she would glare back, challenging.
Then, after three days of surviving this torture, she woke up on her bed to find Byakuran's face mere centimeters away from hers.
In took about seventeen seconds for her situation to click in. There was an undignified yell, and she shoved him off her bed. Her chains fouled up her movements, and somehow, she toppled off the bed, and was promptly mortified to find herself resting on top of her target.
... In the Vongola Mansion, Hayato began freaking out because his Little Brother senses were ringing nonstop that some guy had a thing for his sister.
"W-what is this?! Getoffmenow!" she sputtered as she tried to tangle herself out of her position.
Byakuran said nothing. He stared at her, and smiled.
Horrified, she rolled off of him and walked to the opposite side of the room. What a pleasant awakening. She couldn't bring herself to look at him again.
It had nothing to do with the blush on her face, she swore.
She heard him stand up behind her. Her muscles tensed as he slowly walked over, and she counted the seconds before he would reach her - three, two, one - but he never came.
Bianchi turned around. He was sitting on the chair, staring at her again.
Simply put, the situation was nerve-wracking. She curled up into fetal position, not looking anywhere.
The silence was stifling. He sat there, silent, analyzing. She remained in the corner, not trusting her expression to betray her.
They may have remained like that for an hour, until a maid knocked on the door, smartly announcing, "Byakuran-sama, the delegation from the Vongola is here."
The Poison Scorpion paled, and the boss finally stood up. "You know, Signora Bianchi, I am a very patient man," he chuckled, leaving the room (finally!) and leaving her alone to ruminate- or so he thought.
People from the Vongola were here.
People from the Vongola were here.
The Vongola were here.
Bianchi knew for a fact that her dear little brother was usually (read: 90% of the time) one of the two Guardians that would guard the Decimo for formal meetings between Dons. That meant that if she could escape, get out of the room, and create a ruckus or find the room they were in, she would be free.
And her heart would stop fluttering whenever she was exposed to too many sweet smiles that were probably a byproduct of eating too many marshmallows.
Bianchi practically pounced for the button that would call someone to get her food. The servants only supplied her food and a clean set of sterile interrogation clothes everyday, so it was fine by him to let the nicer prisoners have rights to such a call button. After melting the chains (it had taken a bit longer to make more metal-melting ricecakes, so she only had enough to get rid of her chains) she positioned herself next to the doorway, and the moment the maid stepped open, the woman leapt over her head, sprinting towards the center of the building.
The alarm didn't go off, as Byakuran was in the middle of a meeting and would be infuriated to have any of his diplomacy attempts interrupted. Bianchi made short work of everyone in her way, either dodging them or knocking them out, and running, running for her freedom.
Then she saw the great mahogany doors of the meeting/dining room and she threw her body forward and the doors fell open and there was her dear little brother and Byakuran's face flashed with shock and then, "Aneki!"
The Vongola Storm shot up from where he had been sitting at Tsuna's side, rushing to his sister with open arms (he had long ago gotten rid of his phobia for her face) and embracing her. "Aneki- why are you here, we've been worried, I missed you everyone back at the mansion is worried and are you okay-"
Tsunayoshi looked away from the siblings' reunion with a raised eyebrow and a firm tone, " Say, Don Byakuran, could you possibly explain why you've clearly been holding Bianchi Gokudera, the sister of my Tempesta, prisoner?"
Byakuran's expression smoothed out to a curious blankness.
"So sometime along the way, he says he fell in love with me?" Bianchi asked Hayato a week later, after an alliance between Gesso and Vongola had been confirmed and she had been released.
The silveret exhaled from the cigarette in his mouth. "Yeah," he affirmed, voice pained. "He proposed to strengthen the alliance with a marriage - Jyuudaime protested but then he wanted to marry my sister for some reason, and we're not giving him an answer until you say something." Hayato breathed in again, "What the hell happened there?"
She shrugged, lavender tank top strap slipping a bit and having to be adjusted. "I... honestly don't know. I think that... somehow, I'm attracted to him." Bianchi ran her hands through her hair, a habit they both shared. "He didn't mistreat me, he could have easily killed me, but instead he... he asked about me. Things like my favorite food, those small things. He confuses me."
"Jyuudaime says that if you're okay with it, he'll the invite Marshmallow bastard to live for a while for you two to come to a final decision. He wants what's best for you, not just the Vongola." Hayato was nervous, anxious for his older sister. She was being proposed to, for heaven's sakes! If it had been a normal Mafioso or civilian, he wouldn't have any qualms. If it had been a policeman, maybe he would have pulled the guy aside for a serious chat. But... Byakuran. And his sister.
The most he could do in this situation was make sure that his sister would be happy.
She touched his cheek, snapping him from his thoughts. "Hayato... haven't I told you how love makes no sense?"
"S-so you love HIM?!" he spluttered.
Bianchi smiled regretfully. "I suppose so."
"Byakuran-sama, are you sure that you're not ill or something!?" Kikyo fretted at the meeting table. "She tried to kill you!"
A marshmallow lost its life.
Bluebell puffed up her cheeks. "Besides, we're already allied with the stupid Vongola. The marriage isn't gonna really do anything," she complained, swinging her legs.
Another marshmallow was eaten.
"Pstch," Zakuro rolled his eyes and made a sound at the back of his mouth. "What's so special about this woman that you'd actually propose? Or do you just want to use her for leverage over the Vongola?"
Chomp. Another marshmallow.
Daisy was just quiet, tugging at the ears of his bunny. "I-is she n-nice?" he stammered nervously.
Nom. Nom. Two marshmallows more gone.
Torikabuto just sat there silently.
Byakuran polished off the package of marshmallows. "She... interested me at first sight," he beamed, taking out another bag. "Now who wants to be my best man?"
In lieu of a father, Hayato was there, ready to escort his sister down the aisle. He was nervous, pacing, fretting. His sister was getting married today. Today. To a guy that had kept her prisoner for a couple of weeks. Yes, it had been a misunderstanding, but still-
"Signore Gokudera- the bride's room-" a maid hurried up to him, obviously flustered.
He narrowed his eyes and bolted to where his sister had been getting prepared, throwing open the door and storming up to a brightly-grinning Byakuran who was hugging his sister from behind. "Marshmallow-head! Get off Aneki!"
"We're going to be married in less than an hour though," he pointed out. "I just wanted some time with darling Bianchi, considering how I haven't seen her for several days~"
"You lived with us for six weeks before that. It's only been two weeks," he deadpanned. "Now get off-"
"Hayato," his sister's voice placated him. "It's okay."
She was happy. Genuinely happy, and genuinely in love. With a frustrated sigh, the Storm glared at Byakuran, clapping him on the shoulders, "Hurt my sister and I will blow you up to kingdom come." Turning to Bianchi, "Aneki, everyone's ready outside."
Byakuran blinked back amusedly, holding up his marshmallow bag. "I do have some sort of honor, you know..." Hayato rolled his eyes. "Want a marshmallow?"
I still can't believe she's marrying this guy- he thought, mentally curling up into a ball of depression.
I actually really really like this pairing now? Also, poor Gokudera.
Review and give me ideas~