Title: Who is Remus Lupin?

Warnings: Magical AU.

Rating: M

Artwork: Sirius x Remus ID by Sirius-x-Remus

A/N: I'm behind on my review replies as usual, but I promise to get back to each and every one of you soon. Until then, enjoy!

'Sirius,' Regulus's face appeared in the mirror. His eyes kept shifting, as if frightened that he might be overheard, but he took the moment to hold Sirius's gaze as he said, 'they've brought him here.'

Sirius sucked in a deep breath. 'Alive?' The minute Regulus nodded, he felt his knees collapse. 'Thank Merlin. Fuck, thank Merlin.' He felt tears of relief pool in his eyes, the fear that had been gripping him ever since he'd walked in to the Lupin home and found it empty was finally subsiding. 'I could never forgive myself if she'd-'

'Sirius,' Regulus interrupted, 'you shouldn't thank Merlin yet.' He looked behind him again before continuing, 'I heard Mother speaking. They've managed to figure out a way to transfer his inheritance through Legal loopholes. The court doesn't acknowledge same sex relationships; plus, Lupin was a minor when he started living with Alphard. It doesn't help that he's a werewolf.' Regulus didn't register Sirius's shock in his haste to relay as much information as quickly as possible. 'Mother is going to try and convince them that he used his dirty half breed powers to trick Alphard into writing the will. Knowing the Ministry, it's not going to take very much convincing. Nothing's final yet, but it doesn't look good for him.'

Remus Lupin was a werewolf. It explained so much, yet so little: the aconite allergy, his insistence that Sirius leave the house for a couple of days, his sickness and his silence afterwards, and his referral to himself as a monster when Sirius had walked in on him in the graveyard. It all made sense now and while Sirius certainly felt guilt for having misjudged Remus so horribly, he did not know what else he felt. Somehow, he felt number than ever. 'There's a but,' Sirius deduced, trying to keep his mind focused on the task at hand. 'If she'd settled everything so easily legally, then she wouldn't have brought him to the house. What is it?'

Regulus lowered his voice. 'The court still can't grant her any of Alphard's research. Lupin worked on them with Alphard together, as a co-researcher and author. Werewolf or not, he has rights to his own intellectual property. I don't know why she's brought him here instead of just forcibly taking whatever she wants. Surely, all his research is in his lab or in Gringotts, both of which she now has access to.'

Sirius ran a hand through his hair, wondering how he was going to fix any of this mess, this mess that he had created. 'It's protected. No one but Remus can access any of it without it self destructing. I'm supposing Mother has already tried and failed at the Imperius curse. Veritaserum doesn't work on werewolves; the ingredients don't bond with the components in the creature's blood.' It felt wrong to refer to Remus as a creature. So, so wrong when Remus had been nothing but human with him. 'She's going to torture him into submission or revealing whatever unlocks those scrolls. I don't know.'

Regulus looked pained. 'Sirius, we have to help him.'

Sirius shook his head to clear his thoughts, straightening his shoulders with new found determination. 'No, this is my fault entirely. I owe this to him. I have to help him. You will not do anything.'

'Sirius, she's going to-'

'Regulus,' Sirius interrupted harshly, 'do not get involved in this. I am your elder brother and you will listen to me.' He took a deep breath, trying to clear his head as much as possible. He could see in his brother's eyes that the boy was very unwilling to back down. 'Please,' he requested much more kindly, 'have faith that I will do the right thing.'

'WHERE IS HE? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM?'

Sirius apparated straight into the entrance of the dungeons, running half the way and only slowing down when he realised that Mother was there. The torches had been lit with flames and it cast an eerie glow through the hallway that led to where Remus was being kept, judging by the screaming. He could barely hear Walburga Black's voice over Remus's, but was amazed at how fearless he sounded. Perhaps it was his ignorance about the horrors that happened in the dungeons, but his voice was strong and unwavering, and his stance was so as well – something Sirius noticed when he walked in, still concealed amongst the shadows. He could not deny that Remus looked worse for wear – Mother had clearly not been merciful with him. His clothes were ripped, his hair and face covered with mud, and there was blood on his knees and hands. Yet, despite it all, there was something very beautiful and regal about the way he stood with his back straight behind the bars, facing Walburga Black and looking at her with such disdain and disgust as if she were a lesser being.

'TELL ME WHERE SIRIUS IS!'

Sirius felt his heart stop.

'I will ask the questions here, werewolf!' Walburga Black's voice echoed thunderously. 'Where my son is, is none of your concern. You will tell me about the Wolfsbane and you will tell it to me willingly, if you value your life and sanity.'

Remus didn't know, Sirius realised, blood thundering in his ears. He flattened himself in the shadows, willing himself into invisibility as immense shame and guilt caught up with him.

'IF YOU HURT A SINGLE HAIR ON HIS HEAD, I WILL-'

'You will what?' Walburga laughed cruelly. 'What will you do, werewolf? No, no, I have a better idea. Why don't you tell him yourself?' Her pupils shifted to the corner of her eyes where Sirius was doing his best to remain concealed. 'Sirius, won't you come out.' When Sirius pinched his mouth shut, trying his best to remain invisible, she laughed even more loudly. 'I know you're there, son, don't be shy now.' She turned to look right at him, her long, thin fingers beckoning, 'Come say hello to your little friend.'

Sirius swallowed and moved forward into the light.

Remus, who was obviously misreading Sirius's reasons for being nervous, rushed to the bars, his hands reaching to touch Sirius's face with concern. 'Sirius? Are you all right?' he asked, worriedly, his fingers smoothing back black hair gently. 'She didn't hurt you, did she?'

'Hurt him?' Walburga chuckled in an odd high pitch way that was jarring to the ears. 'My first born and heir?' A bony hand reached and stroked Sirius's head, her sharp nails scraping his scalp painfully. 'Not at all; I cannot be more proud of my son than I am today. After all, he led me right to you,' she enunciated the end of her sentence challengingly, coaxing him into a violent reaction.

Remus looked from her and then back to Sirius, his amber eyes still gentle. 'Is that true?'

Sirius felt like he was going to vomit. He nodded. 'I'm sorry.'

He couldn't even look Remus in the eyes and had to be forced by gentle, calloused hands until his grey met amber. 'Hey, it's all right. It's okay,' the werewolf assured and Sirius could not help but wonder how Remus could be so kind to him after what he'd done. 'Sirius, look at me, it is okay. I understand.' His voice was so soft and his assurances so sincere, that Sirius had to close his eyes and place his shaking hands upon the ones cupping his face just to be sure this was real. 'As long as Regulus is safe, it doesn't matter. Your brother comes first.'

Sirius's eyes shot open in surprise. 'Remus,' he started slowly, his hands falling away. He didn't have to tell Remus the truth; he could lie and pretend that his assumption had been right; that Regulus's wellbeing was the cause for Sirius's betrayal. Even if his mother refuted, Remus would definitely believe him over her. But Sirius didn't want to lie to Remus anymore, he had already done enough of it. 'She didn't blackmail me,' he admitted, moving away from Remus's grasp, 'I told her on my own accord.'

'Is that what she told you to say?' the werewolf asked, looking unconvinced. He shot a glare towards Walburga Black, who was watching the exchange with a smug sense of satisfaction. 'Sirius, you can tell me the truth.'

'I am telling you the truth.' Sirius ran a hand through his hair. 'Remus, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. This was never what I wanted.' He chanced a glance towards the other boy and felt his whole world shatter when amber eyes hardened and closed off to him. Remus's lightly stubbled jaw was trembling and Sirius could see that he was clenching his teeth hard in supressed anger. His fingers were curled tightly as he shifted his gaze from Walburga to Sirius, the betrayal in his face thick and unforgiving. 'I never, ever wanted to hurt you, Remus,' Sirius pleaded, wishing Remus would not look at him like that; as if he had committed an unforgiveable crime. And he had, he knew he had. 'Remus, please…'

Remus turned his face away, his profile exposing fresh bruises.

'You told me you would settle this legally!' Sirius screamed as he turned towards Walburga, his grey eyes blazing with accusation and a need to project the blame to someone, anyone but himself. 'You said everything would be taken care of by our lawyers!'

'I really wanted to, Sirius, I really, truly did,' Walburga Black mock assured, her eyes glittering almost maniacally. 'You know how I hate violence, but my choices are so…' She waved her hand, searching for the right word, 'limited. I might be willing to reconsider of course, if you could convince your little friend to spill all regarding the Wolfsbane he and Alphard have created. It would really lessen the pain,' she turned towards Remus, a slow smile spreading across her face, 'for all of us.'

'Fuck you, you, bitch!' Remus growled, his face moving so close to hers that their noses were touching. 'I would rather die.'

Walburga pointed the tip of her wand right between his eyes. 'That can definitely be arranged.'

'Mother, no!'

Amber eyes blazed like fire, unafraid, as he spat right into her face. 'Do your worst.'

'Crucio!'

Remus is startled by the kindness behind those grey eyes and his own amber ones blind with hope, as he looks at the man he is going to work for, for the next few years. No one has ever looked at him this way after knowing the truth, not even his parents. It is always disdain and disgust and indifference. Remus feels his heart swell with an affection for the man, even though they have only just met. 'It's nice to meet you, sir,' he whispers with a soft smile.

'Please call me Alphard and it's wonderful to meet you, too, Remus.' His words are gentle and sincere, as if he truly feels that it is wonderful to meet Remus. 'I don't want you to be afraid of me. I promise that I will try my best to make each trial as safe as possible for you.'

He rests his hand on Remus's shoulder, a gesture the thirteen year old boy can barely savour before another rough hand brushes it away.

It is his father's hand and he looks embarrassed, as he always does, when he is forced to take Remus anywhere. 'Remus knows his place here, Dr. Black,' Lyall Lupin murmurs, pulling Remus back and away from the other man so that there is an "acceptable" distance between the monster and the human. 'Please do not feel obliged to speak to him or acknowledge any of his childish whims. Remus understands that he is here to be experimented on for a cure for Wolfsbane, that may or may not work, and that there may be consequences that come with it.'

Remus knows his father doesn't mean him any harm; that he is embarrassed and a bit tired of trying to find a cure. He knows that his family is possibly pinning all their hopes of this possible cure that Dr. Black is experimenting with, and has only volunteered Remus because they no longer have the finances to fund his illness. Despite knowing, he cannot feel more of an animal than he already is, a deep hatred for himself swirling deep in his stomach.

And then the gentle hand returns on his shoulder.

Remus opened his eyes blearily, his pupils dilating as they tried to gather light. His body ached far too much to move – a remnant of the pain that had been inflicted on him by Walburga Black for what had felt like hours upon hours. She was battling a lost cause because Remus was no stranger to neither pain nor hatred, and it would take nothing short of killing him to get any information out of him. His strained vision followed a shadow in the darkness, floating silently, its feet hovering above the ground. It looked like a darkness within a shroud of more darkness, the air around it hollowed as if it was sucking the life out of everything it touched.

Fear gripped him as he finally processed what it was.

'Two years, Lyall!' His mother screams, banging the kitchen table with her palm to express her frustration. 'Two years this Dr. Black has worked on our son and he has given us nothing! Is he even working on anything?' Her voice rises in pitch and she starts pacing, making Remus back away further behind the door so he can stay unseen. 'When we first signed the contract, Black warned us that there might be side effects, but I am yet to see Remus show any signs of injury or illness!'

'That's a good sign, isn't it?' His father suggests hesitantly, his demeanour much more calm and collected. 'Maybe he's making progress with Remus; maybe it's working, however slightly…'

There is a silence and Remus thinks the conversation is over, and he can finally make his presence known and feed his hungry stomach. He is ravenous, as he always is in the week of the full moon and his mouth constantly waters for meat, rare and sometimes uncooked. And just as he is about to push the kitchen door open, he hears his mother say, barely above a whisper:

'Do you ever wish...' She leaves the sentence hanging, until Lyall throws her a questioning glance. 'That there would be some irreversible consequence or side effect, and this,' she throws her arms up, 'this whole thing would just end.'

Remus swallows, suddenly feeling his throat tighten.

'Don't say that,' Lyall whispers, though his voice sounds neither shocked nor horrified at her admission. Only resigned and perhaps a little wistful.

'I don't-' Hope bites her lip. 'I don't want him to die, Lyall. Of course not; he's my son.' She sits down on the chair, burying her face into her hands so that her voice comes out muffled, 'But sometimes I think that it would be easier for him…for us. We could go back to how we were; live in a good house in the city, have a proper family.'

'We have a family. We have a son,' Lyall argues weakly, sitting down beside her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

She looks up at him. 'We could have another. Or a daughter; you always wanted a daughter…'

There is a silent ringing in Remus's ears. It is the first time in his life that he truly contemplates suicide.

Remus knew it didn't end there. That his life that day had not been so miserable, but all he could think about was his parent's admission to how much of a burden to their lives he really was. The dark floating figure hovered outside his cell, so close that he could feel its frosty breath chilling his skin. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, willing it away by pure force as he tried to remember the way Alphard had held his fifteen year old self through the misery of that day, close against his chest as he cried and cried and cried. He couldn't bring forth the memory itself in his mind, so instead he repeated Alphard's words to him again and again, 'You're important to me, Remus. If nobody else, your life will always be special to me.'

'Are you ready to talk, Werewolf?'

Remus did not bother acknowledging her presence, his body facing the wall and his eyes closed as wash after wash of misery flooded him.

'It's quite genius, don't you think?' Walburga continued talking, her shoes clacking on the stone floor as she moved closer. 'I wish I had thought of it. Who else would know better than me how misery only intensifies physical pain?' Her laugh was so bitter that Remus almost felt sorry for her.

Almost.

Remus does not expect to be hit, so when he is, he falls back so hard that it actually hurts. His cheek is smarting and he touches it, shocked when his fingers come away bloody. His father's wedding band glimmers red.

'How much more of you must we tolerate, Remus, before we are driven to our own graves?' Lyall screams and both Remus and his mother are taken aback by this sudden rise in temperament. His father is never one to get angry or raise his voice, but Remus has finally broken the last straw on the camel's back and driven his father to violence. This is his fault. 'I have overlooked everything about you; every, single fucking thing, because I keep telling myself that you are my son. You must be my son because you look and sound just like him.' He advances on Remus again, ignoring Hope's quiet pleas. 'But you are nothing but that monster inside of you, eating away at our lives piece by piece.'

'I'm not-' Remus does not get a word edgewise before he is hit again, this time harder. He tastes blood in his mouth.

'Going to those seedy clubs, using your influence to seduce other men – we had ignored all of that because at least you had the sense to make your sodomy discrete.' He towers over Remus, looking down at him with so much hatred and derision that he cannot even recognise his father anymore. 'But Alphard Black? Do you know who he is, Remus? Do you know the family and the background he comes from? One word to the Ministry or a member of his family; or even if the people of this town were to find out! Our lives are miserable enough with you without someone trying to torch our house down! Do you understand that you have put mine and your mother's lives in danger because you fancied a casual fuck with a man twenty years older than you?'

'Alphard wouldn't tell-' This time a foot descends on his stomach and he dry heaves, struggling for breath through the pain. His body wants to instinctively turn and curl in on itself, but the heel digs farther in and keeps him in place. Dimly, he hears his mother crying. He wonders if she is really crying for him or in relief of finally having the chance to be rid of him.

'One last chance, werewolf.' Lyall growls, bending down until their noses are touching. It is ironic how he looks more like the wolf now than Remus. 'You have a choice to make amends and do as you are told. You will stop this disgusting behaviour and you will not go back to the Black house for the rest of your life. You will keep to your room and will not take a single step out of this house, unless I permit it. Am I clear?'

Remus looks back into amber eyes so like his own and where he should feel ashamed of himself, he feels anger. 'I choose the other,' he spits back defiantly, his hands circling around his father's foot painfully tight and twisting it until he has managed to make his father fall with a surprised grunt. 'I choose to leave.'

Remus panted as he was brought back to reality, the aftereffects of Crucio making his muscles spasm and jolt involuntarily. His eyes watered in pain and no matter how much he tried, he could not focus his mind to think beyond wretchedness behind each memory that the Dementor's presence brought on. There was happiness, he knew, somewhere deep within him, there was so much happiness that it had been like a fuel to him. There had been Alphard, with his kind, kind eyes and his deep affectionate voice. And for a short moment, there had been Sirius, with his bark like laughter and his sparkling grey eyes that had looked at Remus like he had been the only person in Sirius's world. No one had ever looked at him like that before Sirius; not even Alphard.

Except once…

'What were you thinking?' Alphard scolds, holding Remus's hair back as the boy retches into the toilet. 'Firstly, you are underage and I don't know how you managed it, but you should not be drinking at all! More importantly, you know very well that alcohol doesn't bode well with these potions!' He winces as Remus dry heaves again, spilling nothing but bile from an empty stomach. 'You're lucky you've gotten away with so little. These potions are still in their experimental phase; there was no telling what could have happened! You could have been seriously hurt or worse, died!'

'Well, what a pity that would have been!' Remus spits, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and grimacing when the still fresh wound on his cheek pulls. 'You would have lost your precious test subject and all that work you've done on a miracle cure for lycanthropy would have been lost.'

Alphard's hands slip away from Remus's hair, but return to hold him still as a wand presses to the cut across his face. His wand drops in surprise when Remus pushes him away roughly and gets up. 'Remus, you are hurt. Let me help you.'

The young werewolf ignores him, twisting the taps on top of the sink with much more force than necessary before dunking his head under them. The cold water pinches and pricks his skin, but it feels much better than the numb sensation that is slowly paralysing every nerve in his body.

'Remus!' The older man growls, his voice raising an octave.

Remus cannot help but chuckle as he realises that this is the second time today that he has driven someone to anger and frustration. He wonders if Alphard will hit him too. And then a hand rests on his side, large but instinctively knowing to be gentle around the bruise that coloured his skin under his shirt.

Their eyes meet in the mirror. 'Do you really think that I wouldn't care if you were hurt?'

'Would you?' Remus challenges, his gaze hard.

Alphard looks pained. 'Please don't say things like that.'

Remus feels his eyes well up in an anger and desperation that seemed to have no way of expressing itself other than through the weakness of tears. 'I've given up everything, Alphard. Everything, justto be with you today; I've chosen you above anyone else, including myself. I no longer have a family, or a home, or even the will to live.' He wipes his eyes roughly and pushes his damp hair back with his hand. 'So tell me it wasn't for nothing; that I haven't just made the biggest mistake of my life and that even if it's a little bit,' he bites his lip hesitantly, unable to look at the older man in the eyes anymore. Already, his body is deflating from hopelessness and the hardness in his voice melts to nothing but a whisper, 'even if it's a little, you really do care about me.'

The hand on Remus's side wraps around his waist, gently turning him around. The intimacy of the movement takes him by surprise and Remus only has time to register the gentle grey hue of Alphard's eyes before they close and their lips meet.

'NO!' Remus screamed, as the memory slipped away between the slim grasps on his mind. 'NO!' He crawled on his stomach, eyes shut tight as he tried with all his might to keep the memory alive. His fingers scraped against the ground, fingernails breaking and bleeding, but he ignored it. Just as he ignored Walburga Black's voice and the millions of other thoughts and voices that bombarded him, reminding him of how worthless he was. He would not let them take Alphard's memory from him.

His fingers closed around the bars, grasping the pure silver tightly so that it burned almost instantly upon contact. He did not let go even when he started to smell the pungent aroma of his own putrid flesh, determined on his task. He was grinning when the edges of his vision started to turn black and his mind, unable to take the intensity of pain being inflicted upon it, started to shut down. It was good; it was very, very good. Because once it had taken Alphard away from him, it would prey on his memories of Sirius. Because he had laughed a lot when Sirius had been there, hadn't he? They had both laughed so, so much, and somehow, even Sirius's betrayal could not dim the happiness he had felt then. So he gave in to the darkness, laughing at Walburga's pitiful attempts to stop him.

After all, a Dementor could not steal from his conscious if he had none.

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