When Delani had decided to go visit Dorian in the library she hadn't anticipated being on the receiving end of a lecture. Her conversation with the Tevinter mage had been pleasant enough, but upon her descent into the atrium, Solas had intercepted her, wanting to discuss what they'd witnessed in the Western Approach.
They'd only just returned from their travels, and Delani was still attempting to decompress from the strenuous journey. A heated debate with Solas wasn't what she had in mind in terms of winding down, but the man wanted to know if she intended to help the Wardens. They agreed that the Grey Wardens had to be stopped, the disagreement arose when Delani revealed that she wanted to keep the order around.
"You care too much for tradition, da'len," he scolded her, disappointment shining in his blue eyes. The expression on Solas's face was ironed out and humorless, and it appeared as though his disappointment was greater with himself for thinking that she'd answer him differently.
Delani crossed her arms in front of her chest and sighed. She respected Solas a great deal, and his opinion meant a lot to her, but sometimes the man was more stubborn than a juvenile halla. "We mustn't forget tradition, lethallin, no matter how ugly." she stated, knowing that he would immediately disagree with her. "My mother was always very insistent that I remember that lesson."
His eyes narrowed a touch. "There is a difference between remembrance and negligence."
"And you think that wanting to help the Grey Wardens is the latter." she supplied for him, setting him up for his next argument.
Solas didn't waste anytime taking advantage of the opportunity she'd given him. "They are so mired down by tradition and duty they don't care what means it takes in order to accomplish either." He was getting heated now, working himself up into an argument that Delani had never wanted to be a part of, but was resigning herself to anyway.
"Just look at what they are doing, the blood sacrifices that they are making under the guise of duty." Giving her a bewildered look, Solas wondered, "Why preserve such a corruptible force?"
Setting her jaw, Delani answered simply, "Because, at their core, their purpose is pure."
His disappointment doubled. "Like the Templars?" he observed, reminding her of how she'd chosen them over the mages, a decision he had originally advised her against. "Like the Seekers?"
She released a deep breath through her nose and rubbed her eyes. Delani knew that Solas wasn't the only one of her companions that thought she should just let the Wardens fall. They had no one but themselves to blame for the position that they now found themselves in, after all. She didn't owe them anything, the importance of their continuance was a subject up to debate.
Delani slowly dragged her hand down her face, trying to find the words that Solas would listen to. When she peered up at him past her brow, she started, "The world needs to change Solas and these factions along with it." He made an agreeing noise, and she used it to spur herself forward. "I didn't become the Inquisitor to destroy and dismantle. I became Inquisitor to reform and rebuild."
"I want to give people the chance to change for the better." Delani said in reply to the serious look that had befallen Solas's features. He was hearing her, but he wasn't quite listening to her just yet. "Templars, Seekers, Grey Wardens, they have all fallen; but who hasn't? I believe that they can do better, that they can be better, and I believe that it's my obligation to provide them with the chance"
Shaking his head, Solas grumbled, "Your youth blinds you."
"And your age jades you," she countered. He quirked an eyebrow and she pushed herself onward. "You need to open yourself up to hope, just as I need to prepare myself for disappointment."
She gave him a pleading look, beseeching him to listen, to actually listen. When he noticed immediately what she was asking of him, and after a deep sigh, Solas's expression opened up. He would try to listen.
"The world is changing, Solas, and I get to help decide how. I don't know about you, but I want to live in a world where we take the time to fix the things that are broken instead of losing hope and abandoning them altogether."
"The world is changing, lethallan," he conceded with a curt nod, giving her a measured look. "I just hope that it's changing into the one you envision."
That was the most that she was going to get from him, and Delani counted it as a victory. Offering the other elf a small smile, she agreed, "As do I." before allowing him to return to the research he'd been pursuing before cornering her into a political debate.
Delani left the atrium and stepped into the main hall. She smiled politely to all of those who greeted her and tried to ignore ongoing conversations as she passed. As she approached the main doors she noticed that Varric wasn't standing by his writing desk. He was likely with Hawke, who was likely at the tavern. It was endearing to see the dwarf with Bella, the two were inseparable, and a small part of Delani hoped that someday Varric would hold her in such high regard.
Stepping out onto the stairway, Delani paused and basked in the daylight. Streaks of white were painted across the heavens like strokes of a paintbrush. The temperature was cooler than usual, hinting that winter was on the approach. There was a constant din coming from all directions; chattering from the main hall behind her, cawing from the rookery, the sound of workers reconstructing Skyhold, and the clashing of dull weapons as the soldiers trained.
Skyhold was a living thing. The souls who lived behind its tall, strong walls gave it breath, gave it emotion, and today Skyhold was content. Delani smiled to herself and descended the stairs. It was good to have a place of their own. Haven had been sufficient for the force they'd had while occupying it, but the Inquisition would have quickly outgrown it. This ancient fortress was different. Skyhold would nurture the forces that called it home, it would always be the heart of the Inquisition.
She casually followed the sound of practice swords crashing. Delani liked to watch the soldiers train. She always found it so surprising that Cassandra and Cullen could take dozens of local farm boys, people who had never even held a sword before, and make them into soldiers. Not everyone who came to the Inquisition had a talent for swordplay, but those who did were trained by the best.
A smile inched across Delani's lips when she spotted Cullen supervising the training exercises. Most of the time he left the task to his captain, having the responsibilities that he did gave him little time to spend training his men. But Cullen was the type of man who needed to participate in all aspects of his job, and Delani respected him for it.
Leaning on the railing, Delani perched her chin in her palm and just stared down at Cullen, admiring his back. He was taller than most humans she'd encountered and stood more than a head taller than her. His skin was pale, but had a curious golden undertone that seemed to radiate from him. Everything about Cullen was golden, his eyes, his hair, his character. He was this noble giant that made her heart flutter in her chest with a look alone.
They hadn't really gotten a chance to speak since she'd returned from the Western Approach. Cullen had been eyeballs deep in paperwork upon her arrival and, as much as she avoided her own paperwork, it had eventually caught up to her as well. The moment that she'd finished, and found some free time, she spent it making rounds speaking to her companions.
Already she'd spoken to her friends in the tavern, and she'd managed to avoid stirring up an argument with Sera. She shot the breeze with Dorian, talked influence and power with Vivienne, and had an intellectual debate with Solas. All that was left was BlackWall, and in order to get to him, she needed to get past Cullen.
Her stomach did a pleasant flip. Their relationship was still so new, and sometimes —most of the time— Delani had to remind herself that it was real. Cullen was real, his attraction to her was real, they had really kissed on the battlements, and he really wanted to pursue a relationship with her. It had always seemed so far fetched to her, so impossible. What should a man like Cullen ever want to do with a woman like her, an elf? There were people who fetishized elves, but he wasn't one of them. His attraction to her seemed genuine, and the thought left her grinning like a fool.
Delani bit into her lip and continued to stare at the Commander. Her father would have liked him, she decided. If the two had been given the opportunity to meet, her father would have been glad that she'd found someone like Cullen.
Cullen was kind, compassionate, patient, and understanding. He listened and he thought, and he was just as strong mentally as he was physically. It didn't matter that he was human. All that mattered to her parents was that Delani was happy; which she was. The novelty of their romance was still strange, but Delani was the happiest she'd been in a very long while.
Smiling to herself, she pushed off of the railing and decided to go speak with Cullen. If he didn't need a distraction himself, she was sure that his men would appreciate not having the weight of the Commander's all seeing eyes on them for a moment. Nerves began to flutter in her belly like a flock of hummingbirds. Delani had never felt this way before in her life; smitten like a young girl with a crush. She'd been with men before, and even some women. Delani had had more than her fair share of infatuations, but none of them had left her feeling like this; like she could barely look Cullen in the eyes without blushing.
It was different than it had been before. Before she had been the one to effortlessly make blood rush into Cullen's cheeks. Now all Delani had to do was imagine him turning his amber gaze on her and she was rendered a giggling fool. She didn't like the role reversal, but when that smile of his twisted the corner of his mouth, she couldn't remember why it bothered her.
She stepped up behind him, trying to suppress the involuntary giggle that threatened to spill past her smiling lips. Only partly aware that Cassandra and a few soldiers that were curiously watching, Delani tapped Cullen's left shoulder before hurrying to stand on his right side.
The handsome male threw a quick glance over his shoulder and, when he found the space empty, he turned to search to his right. A surprised smile lifted his lips at the sight of Delani standing casually beside him as though she'd been occupying the previously empty space the whole time.
Before he could speak, Delani said, "Hello Commander," by way of greeting. "Did you miss me?"
"Lady Lavellan," he returned her greeting with a chuckle. The sound of it was enough to stave off her irritation of him not using her first name. "I am overjoyed that you've returned unharmed from your travels."
Her eyes narrowed a touch. His tone was professional, formal, the smile on his lips was kind and honest. Cullen's golden eyes were regarding her warmly. He was being friendly and polite, and Delani was confused. They had started something, hadn't they? She remembered the kiss on the battlements, it wasn't a trick of an overactive imagination. Even if she'd had to leave with Hawke and Stroud for the Western Approach shortly after, it wasn't as though their interaction had never happened.
Yet Cullen was acting as though it hadn't, as though their relationship hadn't changed from professional into something romantic. Delani stared up at him, her brows furrowed, her lips slightly twisted into a small frown. What was he up to?
Without breaking his gaze, she cautiously stated, "I'm sure you've found ways to keep yourself occupied in my absence."
His smile grew a bit and Cullen nodded. "There is always work to be done, Inquisitor." Resting his hands on the pommel of his sword, he inserted, "Of that there will never be a shortage."
Delani's confusion grew. Had she imagined the kiss after all? Had her mind supplied the memory of Cullen confessing to having feelings for her? Her heart assured her that no, it had all actually happened; her gut agreed with her heart but was wary of the Commander's behavior.
Taking a step toward the shemlan, Delani observed, "Then I'm sure that you wouldn't mind a distraction." and watched as Cullen's golden eyes dilated a bit at her tone.
She acted without thought, nervous dread stealing all reason from her. Without warning Delani grabbed Cullen by his breastplate and tugged him downward while simultaneously standing on the tips of her toes. He made a surprised sound that was quickly muffled against her lips. The kiss was more possessive than she'd intended it to be, needy and telling of how nervous his professional behavior was making her.
She didn't know what she'd been expecting. Delani had hoped that Cullen would return her kiss in kind, that he would envelop her in his arms and show with his mouth just how much he'd missed her. What she got instead was the opposite. Cullen grabbed Delani by the shoulders and gently —yet forcefully— pushed her from his lips.
When she looked up at him Delani found that his face was beet red with embarrassment. Cullen took a retreating leap backwards until he was a safe distance away, and rubbed the back of his neck. Chuckling in a poor attempt to hide his humiliation, Cullen looked around at the gawking soldiers before mumbling a chagrined, "Inquisitor."
Delani also looked around at their audience. Their mouths were slackened with shock, their eyes wide with disbelief. The whole courtyard had come to a standstill at the sight of her pulling their Commander into a kiss. Her eyes then landed on Cassandra who, while also looking surprised, had an eyebrow arched in disapproval. They were all staring, and Delani realized why Cullen had maintained a professional mien, and why he'd shoved her away at the first sign of affection. He was ashamed of her.
Swallowing hard, Delani looked back at Cullen and searched his mortified features. Her heart fell into her stomach and dread flooded through her bloodstream like ice water. He fidgeted awkwardly, unable to hold her gaze for longer than a second. Looking away from her he cleared his throat again and combed his fingers through his hair.
He was surprised, he was embarrassed, he was ashamed of her and Delani had never felt more foolish in her entire life. Her mouth fell open and snapped shut again, she wanted to say something but she couldn't remember how to speak. She could feel a heat start to spread under the surface of her skin, an embarrassment that burned hotter than the sun. Looking around at the people who were still staring at the two of them, she returned her attention to Cullen and forced herself to speak.
"I—" she choked on her words, her throat tight with horror that she had placed them both in this situation. Delani had gotten too far ahead of herself. She'd convinced herself that Cullen was different, that he would be able to see beyond her pointed ears and lean body structure. She'd assumed that he cared enough for her character to not care at all that she wasn't human. How could she have been so wrong? How could she have misjudged him so completely? And why did it hurt so damn much?
Her hands were shaking when she tucked her hair behind her ears. Clearing her throat, she forced her shoulders back, straightening out her spine. She cleared her throat, loosening the tight muscles, and fought back the nauseating humiliation that was rumbling in her gut. "I'm sorry, I thought—"
She shook her head, not wanting to get into it in front of their enraptured audience. "I'm sorry," Delani said again before running past Cullen. She bolted through Skyhold, racing down the stairs to the lower courtyard and sprinting toward the stables. Delani was fleeing. She was fleeing from the horror in Cullen's eyes, she was fleeing from the pain that horror had stirred inside of her.
She felt a sting of tears behind her eyes but she fought them back. There was no reason for her to cry. Yes that had been embarrassing, so completely and totally embarrassing, but it wasn't the end of the world. This wasn't the first time that she'd been deemed unworthy because she was an elf. This wasn't even the first time that she'd been rejected by a man. It was, however, the first time that she'd been rejected by a man that she genuinely cared for.
When the tears no longer threatened to spill past her lashes, Delani felt her embarrassment evolve into anger. She was angry at Cullen for rejecting her like that. She was angry at him for leading her on and telling her that he had feelings for her when he actually didn't. She was angry at him for allowing her to think that she had a chance with him when, in truth, he was too ashamed of being with an elf to even look her in the eyes while people were watching. Delani was plenty angry at Cullen, but she was mostly angry with herself.
How could she have been such an idiot? Why would she allow herself to be such a fool? Of course Cullen wanted nothing to do with her, at least not publicly. She was an elf! He was a human, respected, admired, highly praised and too important to the Inquisition to be seen fraternizing with the Inquisitor; an elf. She should have guessed that he wanted their romance to remain a secret. She should have known that he would never see her as anything other than a knife ear, a savage.
Delani wished that the earth would yawn open and swallow her whole. Her embarrassment was too great, how was she even still alive, how had her flesh not already melted right off of her bones. It wasn't Cullen's fault that he could never see her as anything more than an elf, that he would never see her as a woman. It was society's fault, the world around them was to blame. Delani was angry at him for fooling her into believing that he was different, but she was angrier with herself for allowing herself to believe that she would ever be sufficient for a man such as him.
Skidding to a stop, Delani interrupted Blackwall and Dennett's conversation. The two men turned to look at her, surprise and curiosity in their gazes as they regarded the strange "halla rider". Delani grit her teeth. Marching past them, toward Cornelius's stall, she opened the gate and glared at the two men. Her tone was hard, pointed, an underlying threat in the undertones of her voice.
"Neither of you have seen me," she stated before closing the gate behind her.
She patted Cornelius on the nose when he stepped up to greet her. The hart searched her for treats and huffed in dissatisfaction upon discovering that she hadn't smuggled him any. Stomping his foot down, he spent the next few minutes ignoring her as punishment, which Delani took advantage of to clean out his stall. Delani needed to keep her hands busy. She didn't intend to show her face around Skyhold for some time. When the sun finally fell behind the horizon she'd find her way back to her chambers.
Tomorrow they would all pretend like none of this had ever happened; even if she would never be able to look Cullen in the eyes ever again.
He could still feel the fire burning under his cheeks as he watched Delani run from him. All it took was remembering the look on her face when he had pushed her away for Cullen to know that he had done something terribly wrong. His reaction to her kiss had been involuntary. She'd surprised him, pulling him into a kiss that he hadn't anticipated. His shock had quickly taken over him and he'd pushed her away like a Maker forsaken moron.
Cullen should have embraced her, should have welcomed the softness of her lips against his, and he had wanted to, but people were watching. Soldiers were training, Cassandra was observing, there were lines of onlookers just dawdling about curiously gazing in his direction. When Delani had approached him, full of her typical mirth, he had been so excited to see her.
He had wanted to take her in his arms and hold her tightly. He'd wanted to breathe her in and taste her. Professionalism demanded that he maintain a polite air about him, no matter what his heart desired. Then Delani had thrown that professionalism to the wind and Cullen had reacted so poorly to it. He had pushed her away, the fool!
It took a special brand of idiot to push away a woman like Delani, and Cullen knew that he had just won himself the crown of idiocy. Rubbing his temple, Cullen couldn't pull his gaze from the stairwell that she had sprinted down. How fast she'd run from him, Cullen had never seen her move so swiftly.
His stomach fell to his toes at the memory of the expression she had worn on her face. It had taken her a moment to recognize that he had shoved her away from him and kept her at arms length. It had taken a second for Delani to register that he had rejected her affection as though hers was the kiss of death. But then her green eyes met his and he witnessed her realization for himself. That was the worst part, Cullen concluded, seeing her beautiful features widen first with shock, shift to embarrassment, then tighten with horror.
He had done that, he had stolen the smile from her lips and the laugh from her eyes, and for what? Propriety? Decorum? What did any of that matter when he had hurt Delani the way that he had? She'd more than just run from the confrontation, Delani had fled; Delani who had challenged him to a sparring match, Delani who fought wild beasts, red templars, darkspawn, monsters, and demons of all shapes and sizes. She was a woman who looked danger in the eyes and grinned, and she had fled from him.
Stomach turning with disgust in himself, Cullen grit his teeth as he decided what he should do. He obviously needed to speak with Delani, to apologize for the intensity of his reaction and explain to her its origins, but he couldn't leave his men in the middle of training. His responsibilities didn't disappear just because he had made himself into a dunce and insulted the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on.
Glancing back to where Cassandra was standing, Cullen was unsurprised by the disapproval in her eyes. Her eyebrows were furrowed and there was a frown tugging at her lips. Gesturing toward the stairwell with her chin, she wordlessly instructed Cullen to go after her. When her narrowed eyes met his gaze again he could easily tell that Cassandra was feeling oddly protective of the Inquisitor. They had become fast friends, and the human woman did not approve of Cullen's reaction to Delani's affection. She wanted him to set things right, almost as badly as he did.
Not needing to be told twice, Cullen left his soldiers, trusting that Cassandra would manage until he returned. He descended the staircase with a pretty good idea as to where Delani had run off to. She'd been upset, distressed, and panicked; there was only one place that she would run to: the stables.
He tried to keep his pace inconspicuous, but the fact of the matter was that Cullen needed to rectify the mess that he had made of things. An apology and an explanation were in order, and they needed to be delivered as swiftly as possible. His feet carried him toward the stables, but he didn't immediately find any sign of Delani anywhere.
Blackwall and Dennett were speaking in the barn, keeping up casual conversation until Cullen interrupted them. Blackwall was the first to acknowledge him, his expression curious but otherwise unreadable. The man standing at his side was just as hard to read, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his features flat and expressionless.
Looking around the barn, Cullen wondered, "Have either of you seen the Inquisitor?"
Both Blackwall and Dennett shared a look, a silent communication passing between them. After a second Dennett shrugged indifferently and Blackwall returned his attention to Cullen. Shaking his head, the Grey Warden informed him, "I haven't seen her," while simultaneously gesturing toward the stables.
Cullen rose an eyebrow and Blackwall nodded that he had it right. He had seen Delani and she was within earshot. She had probably told both men to keep her whereabouts a secret, but the two of them could probably tell by the desperation on Cullen's face that he needed to speak with her urgently.
Nodding in gratitude, Cullen loudly replied, "I'll just have a look around then," before moving back toward the stables in search of the Inquisitor. Cullen stopped in front of the first stall, seeing a beautiful Fereldan mare but no Delani. But then he heard a distasted huff and his attention was pulled to the hart at the far end of the stables.
Cornelius, of course, he should have known to check in with the hart first. Delani and the disagreeable beast had a special friendship. She spent a great deal of time with him, brushing him down or just simply keeping him company. The hart would have been the first place that she would run to. Cullen just hoped that she would still be there.
The closer Cullen came to Cornelius's stable the more irritated the hart became. He bumped his chest against the gate and huffed heavily in warning. Cullen mostly ignored the stag, trusting that the gate would hold against the enormous creature. When he was standing in front of the stable, he spotted Delani's auburn hair and felt his heart twinge at the sight of her duck into hiding a moment too late.
"Delani," Cullen sighed, feeling like a fumbling idiot. He knew that he needed to apologize for his behavior, he just didn't know how to go about giving voice to the words. If he opened his mouth it would be only to reinsert his foot into the cavern. Even so, the words needed to be said, she needed to know how sorry he was for reacting the way he had.
"May I speak with you?"
She didn't emerge from the stall, but she did reply from her hiding space. "Now is not really a good time, Cullen. I'm—" she paused, searching for a viable excuse before continuing with a lame, "in the middle of something."
Taking a step toward the stall, Cullen stopped short when Cornelius took a threatening step forward. Releasing a defeated breath, Cullen strode back to the wall facing the hart's stable and leaned his back against it. Folding his arms over his bust, he admitted, "I wanted to apologize to you. The way I reacted—"
"There's no need," she cut him off, finally standing from behind the gate. Delani busied her hands and started to clean out Cornelius's stall, a task that would have been better done without the stag occupying the space. But he was the only thing dividing Cullen and Delani and Cullen knew that Delani wasn't going to part with the beast easily.
Without turning to look at him, Delani kept her attention on her task as she spoke. "I get it."
Surprised, Cullen's brows shot toward his hairline. A sense of relief washed over him and he let out a long, grateful breath. Just to be sure, he asked, "You do?"
"Yes," she answered with a shrug. Delani did glance at him then, her green eyes narrow with pain and outrage, and Cullen knew that she didn't really understand at all. Her voice was a low and dangerous growl when she supplied, "You're embarrassed of me."
It took several hard blinks for Cullen to fully process what she'd just said. She thought that he was embarrassed of her? How was that even possible? Delani was the most beautiful, most caring, most compassionate, and wonderful person he knew. She was strong, stubborn, determined, kindhearted, and gentle when she wanted to be. Her smile was heartbreaking, her laugh was melodic, her amusement was always infectious, and the vivacious shine in her eyes was the kind of enchanting beauty that inspired songs.
There wasn't a single thing about her that would be the cause of embarrassment. Yes, that kiss had been unexpected, and he had reacted poorly to it, but not out of embarrassment. And especially not out of embarrassment of her. Delani was the kind of woman that a man waited his whole life to meet, and sometimes never did. He was enchanted, enamored, infatuated; Cullen was a great many things in regards to Delani, but he was never embarrassed. She had to know that, and the fact that she didn't was completely flabbergasting to him.
"W-what?" Cullen stammered, caught utterly by surprise by her casual observation. It was more than the fact that she could say those words in the first place, but also that she could say them with such conviction. "You think that I'm embarrassed of you?"
She looked at him then, piercing him with her narrowed eyes. Lips sneering with distaste, she insisted, "Please, Cullen, don't. I understand, truly, I do." Returning her focus to cleaning Cornelius's stall, she finished, "I was just expecting you to be different. It was foolish, and I'm sorry."
She was sorry? What in the world did she have to be sorry for? And what did she mean by she thought that he was different? Different from whom? Cullen was so terribly confused. They were having two different conversations at once and neither knew what the other was talking about. It was disorienting, and Cullen didn't like the guess work. He wanted clarification, and the only way to get it was to investigate her meaning.
"I'm not embarrassed of you, Delani," he insisted, pushing himself off of the wall and approaching the stall again. This time he completely ignored Cornelius when the stag huffed at him. Cullen got as close as he could while still being out of the mount's reach, and tried to read Delani's body language as he spoke. "I could never be embarrassed of you. Maker's breath, what is there to even be embarrassed about?"
She stopped whatever she was doing to face him head on. Her hands were on her hips, her eyes sharpened to knives. "Oh, I don't know," she stated, her tone venomous, biting. "Perhaps the fact that I am an elf?"
Cullen's jaw fell with surprise. Was that was she thought this was about? She thought that he had pushed her away because he didn't want it to be known that he was in a relationship with an elf? That was ludicrous. What did Cullen care for the shape of her ears?
"So what?" he returned, honestly confused as to why this was even an issue between them.
Cullen tried to think back to all of their interactions. Had there ever been a time that he had treated her differently because she was an elf? He couldn't remember such an interaction. Yes, her elven features made her different, but those differences were beautiful and not the slightest bit embarrassing. If anything Cullen was proud to be with her; he was the proudest he had ever been about anything he had ever done.
"So," she said, irritated that he would dare to challenge her. "You are embarrassed to be seen with a knife ear, with a savage."
He took another step closer to the stable's door and stood just short of Cornelius's snapping teeth. Cullen held Delani's angry gaze, hoping to the Maker that she would be able to see the sincerity in his eyes and hear the honesty of his words. "Delani," he started, feeling his desperation start to leak into his tone. "You are the most wonderful woman I know."
Her eyes narrowed and he continued, hoping that he would be able to convince her of the truth. "You are beautiful beyond description, you are courageous, relentless, thoughtful, considerate, intelligent, and resourceful. You do not hesitate to act when action is necessary. You adapt to every obstacle that life throws at you, and you stare unflinchingly into the darkness that threatens to consume our world whole."
Cullen hoped that she would listen to him, that she could hear that his words were true and spoken from his heart. "You are not a savage, you are our salvation, and my only embarrassment is that it has taken this terrible misunderstanding for me to confess all of this to you."
"I—" she stammered, her eyes had softened with his admission, her posture was less defensive. Delani fumbled with the hilt of the carving knife on her belt as she thought. Shaking her head, she tried again, "Then why did you react the way you did when I kissed you?"
"Because I am an idiot," Cullen answered with a self-deprecating chuckle. Rubbing the back of his neck, he admitted, "You surprised me and I reacted without thought or consideration. And for that I am incredibly sorry."
When it was apparent that Delani still didn't fully understand the origins of his behavior, Cullen sighed. He would have to give voice to his stupidity. Truthfully he didn't care, all that mattered was clearing the air between them. "Andraste preserve me, I have made a mess of this, haven't I?"
Dragging a hand down his face, Cullen explained, "You wouldn't believe how quickly gossip spreads through the barracks. While I'm not embarrassed about being with you, I would prefer that our private affairs remain just that."
"I made you uncomfortable," Delani said, the realization slipping past her lips with an exhale. She stepped up to the stable's door and gave Cullen an apologetic look. "Creators, Cullen, I'm sorry. If I had known I would have never—"
He offered her a reassuring smile, "I like to keep my private and professional lives separate from one another, but that is no excuse for pushing you away the way that I did."
Delani patted Cornelius on the side, coaxing the beast to back down, before exiting from the stable. She closed the gate behind her and gave Cullen a shy look. Tucking her lovely auburn hair behind an ear, she met and held his gaze. There was a rosiness to her cheeks and it took a moment for Cullen to realize that Delani was blushing. His initial shock was eclipsed by the timidness of her voice when she next spoke.
"I have never been with a human before," she admitted, appearing as though the admission was an embarrassing one. "I don't know how to act around you. There is no 'separation' between professional and private in the clan."
Nervously wringing her hands, Delani chewed on her lip and struggled to hold his gaze. Carefully, she wondered, "Do you wish for me not to touch you?"
Shaking his head, Cullen couldn't help the chuckle that rumbled out of him. She looked so unbearably cute when she bit her lip like that. Who was this timorous woman that struggled to hold his gaze, and why did he find her sheepishness so damn endearing? He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into his arms. There was always a different side of Delani that he was learning, and this new timid side was just so adorable he couldn't wipe the smile from his lips even if he tried.
He brushed her bangs from her face and stared down at her gorgeous features, "Nothing would wound me more than that." Tilting her chin up, Cullen leaned his face down a bit and whispered, "All I ask for is a little more discretion next time."
A warm smile unearthed on her plush lips, and Delani quirked a teasing eyebrow. His smile grew at the sight of the laughter returning to her eyes. There she was, the sassy creature that had initially grabbed his attention. "What," she prompted, "You mean no more kissing you in the courtyard?"
Cullen hummed, remembering how she'd pulled his lips down to hers and claimed his mouth as her own. Truly being kissed by her was so intoxicating that the locale hardly mattered. "What's so wrong with the stables?"
"Nothing at all," Delani purred before pulling him the rest of the way down to her lips.
There was a smile on Cullen's lips when they met hers. Warmth bloomed in his chest, fanning out like petals reaching out for the light that burned inside of Delani. He buried his fingers in her hair and couldn't help the contented groan that rumbled deep in his chest. Inhaling her scent, he admired the mind numbing smell of wildflowers. She always smelled so damn good, be it freshly after a bath or the moment she returned from her journeys, and now he would get to smell her whenever he wished. He was a lucky bastard.
Cullen pulled her tighter against his chest. At the feeling of her tongue snaking across his lips, he welcomed her into his mouth. A surprised moan resounded from her and Cullen smiled at the sound of it. He had never tasted anything as sweet as Delani. His fingers pressed into the small of her back, pulling her more tightly against him.
For a moment Cullen forgot where he was. He didn't care that Blackwall and Dennett were in the barn, that they could walk in on them at any given moment. All Cullen cared about was the feeling of Delani against him, her body molded to his chest, her warmth seeping through his cloak and waking something that had been dormant inside of him for so long.
Moving his lips from hers, to the line of her jaw, Cullen left a trail of kisses all the way to her neck. The moment he felt her pulse against his mouth, he felt an untamable urge to taste the beat of her heart. His lips parted and his tongue lapped at the warm skin of her neck. He felt Delani shudder against him, a moan escaping her, and it only served to spur him further.
"Fenedhis, ar nuvenin'ma," Delani groaned in a breathy exhale. Her fingers were fisted around the hair at the nape of his neck, desperately tugging at him, undecided if she wanted to pull him away or pin him to her more tightly. The beautiful and foreign words were like fire in a field of dry grass, and suddenly Cullen was on fire all over.
A low rumble vibrated from him. Cullen didn't know what had possessed him. Their relationship was too new for this kind of behavior. He needed to regain control of his body, but the sound of Delani's panting a mewing made self-control impossible. He could think of nothing else. Her heat, her taste, the sounds she made, they abducted his sense of propriety from him and left him feeling like a mindless thrall whose sole purpose was to explore this gorgeous creature completely.
A surprised squeak sounded from Delani when Cullen crowded her over to the wall and pinned her against it, though the laugh that followed soon after was approving. Cullen's hands were on her waist, her back, slowly traveling toward her rear when the sound of someone clearing their throat returned him to the present.
Cullen pulled his face from the curve of her neck and looked up to find Dennett standing at the stable's entrance with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Cullen immediately felt his face flush, but was surprised with himself when he didn't jump away from Delani as though she were made of acid. Taking a respectful step back, Cullen's hand immediately began to rub the back of his neck and embarrassment made it impossible to speak without stammering.
"D-Dennett," Cullen cleared his throat, throwing a sideways glance to Delani who was staring up at him with a dreamy look in her eyes and a playful smile on her lips. "I did not hear you approach."
The horse master was unamused. Sternly, the man observed, "Clearly." Before Cullen could mumble some half thought explanation, Dennett shooed them both with a wave of his hands. "Off with the both of you, before you traumatize the mounts."
Giggling, Delani grabbed Cullen by the hand and pulled him from the stables. As they walked past the stone faced human, she stated, "My apologize, Dennett," and led Cullen out onto the lower courtyard.
As soon as they were out of the stables Delani tried to release her hold on Cullen's hand, but he held on tighter. She was trying to respect his wishes, he knew. He had asked for discretion and she was attempting to submit to his desires, but Cullen couldn't allow it. She'd thought that he was embarrassed of being with her. Delani had thought that he was ashamed to be discovered having a romantic relationship with an elf. She couldn't be more wrong.
They were standing in the middle of the courtyard, hand in hand, dozens of eyes upon them, and Cullen tugged Delani back into his arms. She bumped into his chest with a surprised sound, and Cullen smiled down at her. She was beautiful, Maker, she was so beautiful.
Craning his face down toward hers, Cullen whispered, "I am not embarrassed of you," before softly claiming her mouth with his own. Delani grabbed him by the front of his cloak and pressed her lips more fiercely against his. The kiss was a short one, but it left him breathless all the same.
He brushed her silky hair away from her face and stared down at her for a moment. Delani's eyes were still shut from the kiss, and they fluttered open, sea green eyes staring at him with longing. There was a content smile on her lips as she tightened her fists on the collar of his cloak.
A delighted laugh rang from her, and Delani bit into her lip as she stared up at him. Releasing her plush bottom lip from between her teeth, she stated, "As much as I've enjoyed the result of our little misunderstanding, I think that we need to work on our communication skills."
He returned her smile with a lopsided one of his own. Nodding, he agreed, "You may have a point, my lady." She narrowed her eyes and Cullen couldn't help the laugh that escaped him before he corrected himself, "Delani."
At the sound of her name on his lips, her smile grew. She released her hold on his cloak and took a half step backwards, giving him some space, while still keeping herself close to him. Her big green eyes stared up at him and Cullen felt as though he could conquer the world. Did she even know what she did to him when she looked at him like that?
"I want to know you, vhenan'ara," she admitted with a tender smile.
The sound of his pet name made his heart soar. Cullen tried to dial down the smile on his lips but found the mere attempt impossible. Tracing the arch of her cheekbone, and admiring the branch-like vassilian that moved along the curve of the bone, he confessed, "I want to know you too."
"Then let us not make it any more difficult than it has to be," she said, her eyes alight with life and the laughter within them infectious. "Be open and honest with me, and I will do the same for you."
Nodding, Cullen agreed to her terms and whispered, "You are incredible, do you know that?"
"I could stand to be reminded more often," Delani replied with a laugh.
Cullen grinned. He would gladly remind her every day for as long as she would have him. What had he ever done to be deserving of a woman like her? Cullen would never know if he lived for a thousand years.
Fenedhis, ar nuvenin'ma
(Fuck, I want you)