Hello, once again! Sorry it is taking so long in between updates. I just don't have the time I once did… [sigh]… Oh, well, at least I have a new chapter to offer to you humbly. My only hope is that you will forgive me and hang in there.
Things are coming together… action is building… rebellion is flaring… and very important characters are being rescued from District 12…
You should know that the characters of this story belong to Suzanne Collins… With that, I leave you to the story…
I want to ask a million questions. How is she alive? How did she get here? What happened to her arm? Is she okay? Instead, the only thing I can do is cry. Cry and stroke her golden, blonde hair. No words will form in my mouth.
As if Gale can read my mind, he begins to explain, "Katniss, it was Darius. He saved her. He was one of the peacekeepers assigned to the kill squad, so he shot her shoulder instead of her heart." The look of complete disbelief and shock that has surely dominated my face spurs him on, "When he got to her, he injected her with a sedative to stop the pain and keep her unconscious. Somehow, he found a way to sneak her to me. I don't know how he did it..." he pauses for a moment, thinking, but then continues on, "We fixed her up as much as we could, and a few days later, one of the rebels contacted us with a message that we were to carry out mission 'Bonnie and Twill' and that help would be waiting, so we packed up and snuck out that night to find an invisible hovercraft appear out of thin air to take us to District 13 the next day. Now we are here. Prim was treated by some of the doctors and is on her way to a full recovery. I still can't believe it... Thank you, Katniss. I know the message was from you... we wouldn't be here without you."
I try to collect myself and slow my breaths to normal. I wipe my cheeks with my sleeves, and I pull back from Prim to take a look at her, to make sure this is real life. She is crying too. I bring my hands up to her face and wipe the wetness from her cheeks with my thumbs.
"I'm so glad you are okay. I thought... I didn't think I would see you again... Oh, god, Prim, I'm so sorry." I pull her into an embrace once again, and the tears come once more. "I'm so, so sorry."
"Hey," she says, pulling back to look at me again. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You saved us. And now we are together again. We can be a family now. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."
I smile at that. A family. Yes, I would like that very much. For some strange reason, I begin to laugh. Not just a giggle, but a deep, guttural, hearty laugh. At first, Prim looks both confused and surprised, but then a smile forms at the corners of her mouth, then a giggle escapes her lips, and then a laugh burst forth from her lungs. Soon, both of our tears turn into those of joy. A warmth radiates throughout my body, and I feel it begin to circulate all around the room. Eventually the Hawthornes laugh along and Cinna joins in as well. Everyone is smiling or laughing or crying. A whole room of happiness. I don't remember ever being in a group of so many happy people. I don't remember the last time I was this happy.
We laugh until our ribs ache from exertion. When I finally settle down, Prim looks at me with a question in her eyes.
"Katniss?" She asks, tentatively.
"What, Little Duck?"
"Why are you in a wheelchair?"
"Oh!" I laugh awkwardly. "It's nothing! I'm just a little woozy after..."
Suddenly, it hits me that she probably has no idea about Peeta's and my Mockingjay duties or that we just got back from fighting the Capitol in District 8. I don't even know where to begin.
"After what?" she encourages me.
"Let's just say we have a lot of catching up to do. Are you hungry? I think dinner should be starting soon."
"Yeah, that sounds perfect! Where's Peeta? I want to see him too!"
"Well, Little Duck, Peeta needs to rest for a bit. A lot has happened over the last few days. I'll explain everything at dinner."
"Is he okay?" she asks concernedly. "Is he hurt?"
My eyes find Cinna's, pleading for help. He just nods in my direction, urging me on. "He's okay. Nothing to worry about. He just got a little banged up today, is all. Tell you what, I'll explain at dinner, and then we can go visit him after. Sound good?"
"Okay," she says, but I can tell that she is still worried about Peeta. I'm not exactly sure how I am going to explain everything to her, but I know that I have to.
"You all are welcome to join, if you want," I add, addressing Gale and his family.
"That sounds great. We would love to catch up with you," Hazelle responds with a smile. I meet Gale's eyes, and he smiles and nods in agreement.
I am so happy they are here. Who would've thought a few days ago that today I would come home from fighting a war and find Prim alive and the Hawthornes safe in Thirteen? This is unreal. Finally things are starting to go right.
"That works out well, then. Katniss," Cinna says, turning toward me, "after you visit Peeta, you can show them their rooms. Prim will be with you in your compartment, and the Hawthornes will take over rooms 3206 and 3207, which are located next door."
"Sounds good. Thank you, Cinna," I say.
"Are you alright, then? Or would you like me to stay?" he asks.
"No, I'm fine. Thanks. I appreciate your help today." I mean it.
"Anything for our Mockingjays," he says with a wink. At that, he turns to leave us on our own.
"Wait a minute... Mockigjays? Does that mean that you and Peeta are-" Gale stops short, piecing everything together.
"How did you hear about the Mockingjays?" I ask, curious. It's hard to believe that news travels so quickly.
"I kept hearing people mention 'The Mockingjays' in the mines, but I didn't ever catch anything more than the fact that they were two rebels that ran away from their district," he explains.
Of course, the Capitol would try to keep Twelve in the dark, especially since we were from there. I bet they made everyone believe Peeta and I were killed or imprisoned or something just to shut everyone up. They would never allow the news of open rebellion to spread freely. The only way people in the other districts know so much about the Mockingjays is probably because the rebels have found a way of spreading news. Twelve is so small and close together that it's much harder for the rebels to spread news without being caught. Being a rebel in any district is a death wish.
I remember many afternoons when my mother was constantly shushing my father, looking around frantically, as if the Capitol could hear every treasonous word he spoke. I wasn't old enough to fully understand the risk my father took by speaking his mind. Now, however, I've experienced the dangers firsthand.
"Well, we weren't trying to be the Mockingjays... Let's just say that the whole Mockingjay-thing found us," I explain. "We couldn't stay in Twelve after what happened. Luckily, Thirteen found us before the Capitol did. If not, we would probably be dead."
"Honestly, until I got the message from the rebels, I thought you were... dead." he says with glossy eyes, staring beyond me. After a few moments of thoughtful silence, he changes the subject, "I never would've guessed. Katniss Everdeen, a rebel soldier..." he teases.
"Apparently I'm a world-class actress as well," I add sarcastically. "Better get in line for an autograph!"
"Really?" Prim squeals excitedly.
I laugh at her enthusiasm. "Actually, I suck at this whole Mockingjay-thing."
"Looks like you at least put up a good fight," Gale says, glancing over me in my wheelchaired state.
"You should see the other guys..." I joke, adding a quick wink for dramatic effect. They laugh, and I do too. Even so, flashes of fire and smoke cloud my mind for a moment, but I push it aside and remind myself that I'm safe here. With my family.
After a quick meal of bread, vegetable soup of the bland variety, and fruit salad that obviously came straight from a can, the Hawthornes and us Everdeen sisters spend the larger portion of our mealtime hour catching up on life. They tell me about what happened in Twelve after Peeta and I ran away, how they escaped, and what they think about Thirteen so far. Their stories are filled with secret codes and hideouts and nighttime adventures. Then, they ask me about how we escaped and what we have been doing since we arrived in Thirteen. I tell them everything. From Darius in the prison to the days in the woods to the bombings in District 8. Their eyes widen and gasps escape several lips as I recollect the events of earlier today. Prim is devastated to hear about Peeta's condition and the hospital and the bombings. Somehow, I finish the story without losing it, but instead of relief, I feel numb. After the conversation ends, I find myself staring off into the distance, thinking about nothing and everything all at the same time. When one of the cafeteria workers interrupts my mindless ventures by asking us to leave the dining hall, I am forced back into reality. Mealtime is over. It's time to visit Peeta.
Gale wheels me through the meandering, white-walled halls of District 13 while I direct everyone to the hospital. As soon as we arrive, the eyes of the lady at the front desk widen at the sudden large group of people entering her domain. I smile and tell her that we are here to see Peeta.
"I figured as much," she says in a sweet, airy voice.
I raise my brow in question. "Has he had many visitors or something?
"No. It's not that. It's just... You're Katniss. He's Peeta. You know, the Mockingjays... It seems only natural," she explains. Right. We are weirdly famous now.
"Oh. Yeah..." I add with a fake sort of laugh.
"Well, fortunately, he woke up about an hour ago and hasn't stopped asking for you since. However, the doctor will allow only two at a time in his room to visit. Don't want to overwhelm him," she explains.
"How is he?" I ask concernedly.
"He's in pain, but the morphling is helping to control it. The doctor has given him a special bone growth serum to help him recover quicker, but mainly, I think, company will do him some good," she concludes. "He is in room 215. The waiting room is right down the hall from here and only a few doors from him." She points toward the hallway to our right.
"Thank you," I say, as Gale rolls me toward Peeta's room. Everyone else goes to wait in the room down the hall. "Could we have just a few minutes?" I ask Gale when we pull up in front of the door of 215.
"Of course," he replies with a polite nod. I watch for a couple seconds as he walks toward the waiting room. I find myself overwhelmed with thankfulness for his friendship. We've been through some highs and some lows, but he still respects what I have with Peeta, and that means the world to me.
My hand settles on the cool metal knob of room 215. Suddenly, I'm afraid to go inside. What if he isn't the same? What if I don't recognize him from the swelling and the injuries and all the medical tubes that are sure to be attached to him? I feel my heart beating in my throat and my lungs inhaling and exhaling at an alarming rate. I recall the words the lady at the front told me, he's been asking for you since he woke up. Peeta wants to see me. I have to do this. I swallow my fear and turn the handle quickly, leaving no time to second guess myself. Then, without thinking, I stand up and make my way into the room, pushing the wheelchair back into the hallway. I want to be strong for him.
Immediately, I'm struck by the quiet emptiness that has settled upon the room, an emptiness pregnant with Peeta's essence. I turn to look at the boy with the bread, and his eyes meet mine. They are deep blue eyes, filled with relief and love and happiness as they register my sudden appearance. His eyes are all I need to stay anchored when I see the tubes hooking him up to machines and the bruises and cuts and the large white cast on his leg. His eyes tell me he is the same no matter what.
"Katniss..." I hear Peeta breathe in a raspy voice. "You're okay. Not hurt?"
"I'm fine. Thanks to you," I smile, and approach his bed tentatively.
"I was so scared, Katniss. All I saw was a piece of the ship coming straight toward you. I thought I would lose you," he explains with tears welling in his eyes.
"So, naturally, you throw yourself in front of the flying hunk of metal..." I tease lightly, taking his hand in mine and moving even closer to him.
He smiles apologetically, which bothers me because I should be the one apologizing… "I'm sorry Peeta. If I hadn't shot it down, none of this would've happened. I'm so sorry..." Now it's my turn to tear up. "I wasn't sure you would make it. There was so much blood..." I take his hand and he pulls me toward him and plants a soft kiss on my lips.
"It's okay. You did great, love. I'm here," he breathes as he pulls my mouth to his once more. This time the kiss is more desperate. His fingers thread through my tangled hair and my hands gently take their position on either side of his bruised face. It feels like it's been forever since we have kissed like this...
After we are both breathless from kisses, I pull back and asked him if he is up for a few visitors.
"Visitors? Who would want to see me besides you?" he asks, curious. "The doctor told me that Finnick and Johanna already stopped by while I was sleeping."
"Remember how we asked Coin to get the Hawthornes out of Twelve?"
"Yeah," he says, his eyes filled with hope.
"Well, she kept her word... and then some..." I look away, unable to hold his gaze. I'm still in disbelief about Prim. I feel like, if I say it out loud, maybe it will stop being true.
"What do you mean 'and then some'?"
When I turn to look at him once more, I see concern mingled with hope written all over his broken face. My mind unravels the irrationality of my fears about Prim. I held her. I brushed my fingers through her fine, blonde hair. She is alive. "It's Prim..." I break again, sobbing. It's just too good. "She's here. She's alive."
"Katniss..." I watch the hope fade and the concern rise up, consuming his features. He doesn't believe me.
"No, Peeta. I know what you are going to say... I didn't believe it either, and she was standing right in front of me."
"But, Katniss... We were there. We saw it happen..."
"I know, Peeta, just listen... Darius shot her in the shoulder instead of the heart. He snuck her to Gale, and they got her out," I explain, wet streaks from my tears marking my face. "She's here. With Gale and his family. Do you want to see her?"
He is silent for a while, searching my face, thinking. Finally, he softens, "I would love to see her."
I smile. "I'll be right back." I plant a kiss on his forehead before I leave his room to summon Prim.
I practically sprint down the hallway, toward the waiting room, slowing down only for the last few steps right before I enter, so I don't embarrass myself with my enthusiasm. As soon as I walk into the room, Prim stops her conversation with Hazelle and looks at me with a question in her blue eyes. Town blue eyes. Like Peeta's.
"Everything is fine. He wants to see you, Little Duck," I explain with a smile.
Her face lights up, and she stands to join me on the short trek back to room 215. I can't believe this is happening. Prim and Peeta. I still have both of my loves, both of my rays of light. The corners of my mouth shift upward into an uncontainable smile, and in this moment, I cannot think of anything that could ever bring me down.
Peeta is absolutely dumbfounded by her appearance. At first, he acts as if Prim is a ghost or an apparition of some sort. I can't imagine what my own face looked like when I first saw her. After a few seconds, once reality sinks in, water begins to pool in the corners of his eyes and a grin overtakes his features as he opens his arms, welcoming her for an embrace.
"Prim! Oh my god! I-I can't believe this..." Prim rushes over to his side, wraps her arm around him, and gently nuzzles her face into his chest.
"Peeta!" The muffled sniffling noises coming from her figure inform me that she is crying as well. Pretty soon, I am sure we will have met the quota for the maximum amount joyful tears allotted to any given human in a day.
"How are you? Tell me everything," he encourages eagerly.
Prim lifts her head and wipes her tears with a soft chuckle; then, she slides up onto the bed on Peeta's right. I move to his left and take a seat on his other side, and Prim unloads the events of the last several days, most of which we discussed at dinner. I just allow myself to fade into the background and treasure this precious interchange between the two people who mean the world to me. When they finish chatting and catching up, I explain to Peeta that the Hawthornes wanted to have a short visit as well. He nods his approval, and we leave to sit in the waiting room so as to allow them some time with Peeta.
Once everyone has received a few minutes with Peeta, I lead Prim and the Hawthornes to their new homes. It's odd that I won't be sleeping next to Peeta for the next several days, but I am beyond thankful that I will be able to snuggle with my Little Duck again. Though, I'm not sure what we will do once he is released from the medical center, which I would assume won't be too long from now. I remember, when we first arrived, how fast their medicine helped heal Peeta's knee from his fall during our escape. Thirteen's medical technology is not nearly as incredible as Capitol's, but it's a great deal more than Twelve has ever dreamed up. However, I know my mother and others like her did their best with the materials and supplies they had.
The Hawthornes bid us farewell as they go to settle into their compartments, and Prim and I enter my compartment, which is pretty much completely unlived in because Peeta and I stay in his compartment for the most part. I hope Prim doesn't notice.
"Are you ever home?" she asks, looking around at my pristine compartment.
"Um..." I laugh nervously and feel blood rush into my cheeks, "well, not really..."
"You sleep in Peeta's room, don't you?" She raises her eyebrows in question.
My jaw drops in shock. Since when has my little sister been so intuitive, so frank?
"Prim!" I exclaim in shock.
"It's true, isn't it?"
"Oh my god! That's none of your business! Even if I was sleeping in his room, we wouldn't do anything."
"Mhhmm..." she says with a smirk.
"Prim. Nothing happens. I mean - I - we kiss... and sleep, but that's all. I promise. And nothing will happen. In case you haven't noticed, we aren't exactly in the most ideal situation for a budding relationship," I explain, blushing.
"Katniss, it doesn't matter. I'm just messing with you. But I'm glad you told me. I'm happy for you," she gives me a genuine smile. "Actually, I think you and Peeta are a good thing. We could all use some happiness, and with you both being the Mockingjays and all, I think the whole country is rooting for you."
"Well, as long as Panem is pleased," I say sarcastically, turning to fix Prim a bed.
"Katniss. I'm serious. You have no idea the effect you could have. They need someone to show them what to fight for, and what is more motivating than love?"
"I don't know, Prim. I mean, I understand you, but it doesn't mean I like it. The cameras. The pressure. It's too much sometimes, and it's hard to know how much effort is going into preserving our lives when countless others are dying every day."
"I know. It's not fair. But this is war. The rebels will do what they have to in order to win this, and you and Peeta are part of it. You can't give up. No matter what. We can never go back to how it was," she states with urgency.
"It won't. Not if I have anything to do with it," I say with determination. I refuse to give Snow the satisfaction.
Over the next few days, I wake up early for breakfast with Prim before heading off to see Peeta and begin another day as a Mockingjay. She has decided to join the other children her age in District 13's version of school, so she can eventually begin work as an apprentice with the medics. When she told me the other night, the lights were out, and we were lying on our beds, staring at the ceiling. I smiled in the darkness at the thought of her being alive to chase her dreams, at the thought of a possible future without the haunting anxieties and fears associated with the Games. I know I can't make any promises, but I will do everything in my power to make her dreams a reality.
Today is her first day of class, so after we eat a measly meal of stale toast and canned fruit, Prim bids me farewell as she heads to where the younger members of the district study for school. I take the elevator to the medical wing, so I can see Peeta before I am completely bombarded by Mockingjay duties. He is starting physical therapy. For the most part, his bones have healed - thanks to the rapid growth medicine the doctors put him on. Though, I'm sure he had a rough night again. The growth meds are convenient, but the physical toll they have on him is hard to watch.
My suspicions are confirmed at the sight of a deflated and exhausted Peeta, complete with dark circles under his eyes and ruffled, blond hair. He is using a single crutch to support his weight as he walks up a sort of mechanical incline.
"Hey there, good lookin'," I say with a smile as I approach him.
"Katniss!" He jumps and loses his balance slightly.
"Woah. Take it easy. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," I say as I grab his forearm to steady him.
"Don't worry about it. I'm just not all here today," he says with an attempted smile.
"Rough night?" I ask.
"I would've welcomed a 'rough night,' to be honest..."
"God, that sounds awful." I gently tug his arm, wordlessly asking him to come off the machine. He does so with a slight grimace as he moves his injured leg. I pull myself close to him and tilt his chin down to place a kiss on his chapped lips, but one kiss doesn't seem to be enough. I guess he feels the same way because, in a matter of seconds, his free hand is on my back, pulling me even closer to him, and his lips are all over mine. It's not until we are both gasping for air and my back bumps up against another exercise machine that I remember the fact that we are not alone.
"Peeta..." I breathe as I pry my lips from his. "Peeta, we can't. There are people here." I look around to find patients and doctors turn their heads away from us quickly, and I know they were watching us seconds before.
"So?" he says with a real smirk this time, resting his forehead on mine.
"So, we are not doing this here."
"I missed you last night."
I sigh. "I missed you too, Peeta."
"How's Prim?"
"She's starting school today," I say, maneuvering myself out from between the machine and Peeta to eliminate any further temptation.
"Really? That's great!"
"Yeah. She's gonna start training with the medics soon. She wants to be a doctor," I explain.
"That's perfect for her! I'm glad she's getting involved in something she loves so quickly. I think it will help her keep her mind off of... everything..." he trails off.
"I think so, too." I just take a few seconds to take him in. Even in his sleep-deprived state, he still looks good. His eyes may not be as bright, but he is still strong and blond and mine, and I love everything about this boy. "Coin wants us to go to the Capitol soon."
"What?!" he asks, shocked by the sudden change in the conversation.
"Pretty soon the rebels will have taken control of the majority of the districts. Once District 2 is secured, the Capitol is all that's left, but from what we have been told, it's not gonna be an easy mission," I explain. It's true. Everyday in Command, I hear the news about the status of the rebellion. It seems that our propos are doing what everyone hoped. Beetee has successfully figured out how to get into the Capitol newsfeed. Yesterday they showed the propo from District 8. Peeta and I watched it air together, and we were both blown away by the fierceness with which we were portrayed. Smoke spiraling, fire burning, hovercrafts crashing, and the Mockingjays standing gracefully, poised for an attack with their explosive bow and arrows. It's unreal. And highly effective, according to Plutarch. Lately, we have been doing interviews and other such things. I know they are just passing time while Peeta recovers. They need both of the Mockingjays healed and whole in order to motivate the rebels. They were even so desperate for propos that they dressed Peeta up in his uniform one day for an interview. He still couldn't stand or exert himself too much, but with a little make up, he looked perfect for an interview. I continue, "I have a feeling that, as soon as you are well, we will be right back out there. But for real this time... And if District 8 was a 'safe zone,' it's hard to imagine being on the front lines of the entire rebellion."
Peeta stares at me with concern in his eyes. We both hate faking it for the propos, but we don't fool ourselves into thinking everything will work out perfectly if we fight. This is war, after all. One or both of us may never make it back, and though we haven't spoken about it, it is obviously on both of our minds.
"That only gives us a few days, at this rate," he says, motioning down at his rapidly healing leg.
"I know. We still have to finish training as well as our evaluations, though, so that gives us a little more time. Maybe two weeks?" I think aloud.
"What made her change her mind? I thought they wanted us safe? Not that I'm complaining... I would much rather be doing something than sitting around in this dungeon all day, getting dressed up for the cameras."
"I don't know for sure, but Haymitch doesn't like her. He says she's too power-hungry. Think about it: if we win this rebellion, who do you think will take over as president once Snow is killed?" I ask.
"Coin."
"Exactly. And I think she knows that we aren't her number one fans."
"You think she's trying to get rid of us?" he asks, putting the pieces together.
"Maybe. It's the only thing I can come up with."
A few moments of thoughtful silence pass, and suddenly, I watch as a decision flashes across Peeta's face. "Who knows what the future holds? We have today and that's what matters," he smiles, and a twinkle enters his blue eyes. He doesn't want to talk about our potential death sentence anymore. I don't either, so I welcome the subject change. We are here. Together. And that's what truly matters. "I get to come home tonight. I still have to come to therapy, but the doctor said they don't need to keep an eye on me anymore since my leg is mostly healed," he adds. His hand brushes my cheek gently in a sweet gesture.
"Really? Peeta, that's great news!" I exclaim with a sudden jolt of glee. Finally, I will have my Peeta back. Maybe I will actually get a full night's sleep now. Lately, I have been restless all night long, dreaming of exploding hovercrafts and a dying Peeta. I know Prim hears me, and I hate that I disturb her all night. Even so, I'm not entirely sure how sleeping arrangements are going to work out now that Peeta is coming back. I can't leave Prim, not after I just got her back, but I also can't keep tossing and turning and startling awake every night. I need to sleep. I need the steady rhythm of his heartbeat to calm my nerves.
"Yeah. I can't wait to get some sleep for once. I always sleep better when I'm with you..." he says bashfully.
I laugh softly at his shyness. "It's okay. I do too." I give him a peck on his cheek and bid him farewell before I head to Command. As I turn to leave, I whisper, "See you tonight," in an ever-so-suggestive tone. I hear his sharp intake of breath at my words, and the corners of my mouth curve upward in satisfaction. If we are going to be sent off to die, I am going to make sure our last few days together will be something special.
The rest of the day is relatively normal. Meetings. Meals. A few moments of solitude in the woods during reflection time. Training. Home. Like on most evenings, I'm exhausted, but I want everything to be perfect tonight. So, instead of going straight to Peeta's room, I enter my own compartment to change clothes and freshen up while I wait for Prim to come home. I'm hoping I can at least have a couple hours with Peeta, or maybe we can come over here after we've had some alone time? I'm not sure. I am hoping Prim will have some ideas.
As if my thoughts summoned her, Prim walks in. But she's not alone. A small girl with black hair and blue eyes enters behind her. Iris.
"Hey, Katniss. This is -"
"Iris. I know. We've met," I explain, wondering what she is doing here. Her eyes meet mine, and she offers a soft smile. "How have you been, Iris?" I ask politely.
"I'm okay. I miss being outside, but people here are nice." Her voice is small, like her frame, and I'm suddenly overcome with an urge to sweep her up into my arms. I still can't shake the thought that, if Peeta and I ever had kids - which will never happen - our daughter would look just like Iris. Because of that, I think my maternal instincts click on when I'm around her.
"I hope it's okay, but I invited her to stay with us. We are in school together and started talking, and she told me that she stays by herself every night. Since we have plenty of room, I invited her to stay with us - that is, if you approve," she explains.
I think for a moment. This might actually work out perfectly. "Peeta's coming home tonight," I say suddenly.
"That's great, Katniss! So he's better now?" Prim wonders.
"Pretty much. He still has therapy every day, but he's almost back to normal. But the reason I mentioned it is because I was going to ask you how you felt about joining us, but if Iris wants to stay, you are welcome to sleep with her," I say with a slight blush. It's weird talking with Prim about mine and Peeta's sleeping arrangement. "It's mostly because I can't sleep well without him, and I know I've been keeping you up at night."
"I know. It's true," she says with a playful smile.
"But you would be welcome to join any time," I add so she doesn't feel like I'm leaving her.
"No. I was actually going to tell you to stay with Peeta anyways. I don't mind staying with both of you or staying here, but I do think four people in one compartment might be too much. For now, we will stay in here, okay? Besides, Peeta needs you," she says that last part over dramatically, teasing me. I'm shocked by the implication. My face flashes a deep shade of red; I can feel the blood fill my face.
I try to play it off. "It's settled then. If either of you need anything, just let me know, okay?" I grab my things and turn to head across the hall, but at the last moment, I address the dark-haired girl, "Iris, you're safe with us. I promise. We are all a family here. All of us from District 12. I'm glad you came to stay." After a quick hug for each of the girls, I'm out the door. "Good night."
I hesitate for a few moments outside Peeta's door. My fluttery stomach and rapid heartbeat confirm my suspicions. I'm nervous. He deserves this, I tell myself. I want to do this for him... and for me. I open the door. He is lying on his bed with his hands behind his head. His single crutch is leaning on the wall beside the bed.
"Sorry," I say. "I wanted to wait for Prim to get home. She brought Iris over to stay the night, so we are all clear." He looks at me and just smiles and then scoots over to make room for me on the bed.
"You look beautiful, love," he says, as I take a seat next to him. I smile at his kind words, and watch as his hand reaches for a strand of my loose hair, which I decided to unplait and brush before coming over. I lie down next to him and nuzzle myself into his side. Peace consumes me, and I feel more relaxed than I have in days. He's back.
He twirls my hair with his fingers, and I could fall asleep right now, in his arms, but I remember my decision earlier today. I pull away so that I can see his face. The look of longing in his eyes gives me courage, so I make the first move. Within seconds, my lips are everywhere. His neck. His cheek. His nose. He returns the favor, planting sweet kisses on my collarbone. Soon, before I know what's happening, I am on top of him, tugging on the hem of his shirt, and... he freezes.
"Katniss..." he sighs.
"What? Are you okay?" I ask, worried that I've done something wrong.
"I am more than okay, but... We - I just can't." He pulls me off of him, sits up, and kisses my forehead. I'm confused. Does he not want me? Am I not good enough? He registers the hurt that is surely written all over my face. "I promise it's nothing to do with you. God, I want to keep going, but... I can't..."
"I don't understand," I say, feeling small and insignificant. "If you want me, why did you stop? Did I do something wrong? You can tell me."
"I just always promised myself that it would be after... our toasting... you know? I want it to be right," he explains.
"Oh," I blurt in surprise. It takes me a few seconds to fully comprehend his last statement. "Our toasting? We have to get married first? That's ages away, Peeta, we won't last, and you know it."
"It doesn't have to be... ages away, I mean," he says, twiddling his thumbs. He's been thinking about this, I can tell.
"What?! Peeta, we are seventeen! How many married couples do you know that married at our age? It doesn't happen."
"But, times are different now... Katniss, we are in a war, and we both know that there is a huge chance we will be sent to fight. If that happens, who knows what the outcome will be." He takes both of my hands in his. "I would rather spend two weeks of marital bliss, loving you in every possible way, than risk the chance that I will never get to hear the sound of your name paired with mine or never taste our first toast together as husband and wife. I know we are young, but for me, I'll either get an early start to loving you for the rest of our lives, or I'll have two of the most incredible weeks of loving you before going off to war. I would regret neither outcome."
His reasoning makes sense. But getting married? Me, Katniss Everdeen. A wife. The one thing I was once determined I would never do. But I've changed. Since I fell in love with Peeta, I have considered and, oddly enough, longed for the day when we would become one. But not at seventeen years old. Never at seventeen. I usually pictured it way off in the future, when I'm more mature, when the war is over. But times are different. He's right. And if we only have a couple weeks left, I would love nothing more than to be his wife.
"Okay," I finally succumb to his persuasive words.
"Okay?"
"Let's do it. I want to be your wife, Peeta Mellark." The expression that takes residence on his face is history-making. At least, if I wrote a history book, it would be. His face is radiant and glowing.
"Really!? Oh my god, Katniss! This is the best day of my life!" He pulls me into a bear-hug embrace and kisses me thoroughly. "But we are gonna do everything properly, okay?"
I don't know what all he means by "properly." Is he talking about us being together in that way? Are we going to Thirteen's equivalent of the Justice Building to make it legal? I'm not sure, but I don't want to disturb his joy. So I comply happily. At this point, I don't care. I just want to be with him.