Chapter 12

I.

Daryl

After we were done, he had put his arm around me and held me to him there on the ground for the few minutes it took us to get our breath back until I shook him off. No doubt he wanted to reassure me afterwards, was probably worried about me feeling used after what had happened.

'Turn the fuck around!' I had ordered him harshly, pushing him off and getting up.

'Dar...' He had started but I didn't let him finish. Out of my eye, I saw him sheepishly obey and turn his back.

'Shut the fuck up! Ya got what ya always wanted, should be happy!' I had snarled even while my face blushed with shame. He didn't say anything, after all what else could he say?

What had we done? Of course I had known what he'd always wanted from me but this was the first time I'd ever given it to him. Ever wanted to. But now my stomach lurched as the realisation that we'd crossed an invisible line struck me.

I tugged on my jeans, not bothering with my underwear in my hurry to get dressed. Left them hanging on a bush but I didn't care.

'And before ya get any other ideas in ya head, ain't never gonna happen again! 'Cos it was wrong, we're sick!' I yelled at him.

'OK, whatever ya say, little brother.' He said with such faux-casualness, I could have screamed. But bit my tongue instead before pulling on my t-shirt and intending to stomp back to the camp. Not looking back at my brother - I was determined not to have him with me and he knew it. Not least because what I'd seen him do, even though I'd told him to. So he didn't follow me, just lay there and for a moment, I was torn between going back to him and continuing when we heard the painful noise that was making my heart clench in my chest. Our argument all forgotten.

Someone sobbing, in trouble and my heart lurched, nearly leaping up out of my throat. Merle jumped to his feet before I could stop him and I followed him to the source of the sound, behind a bush. Knowing whoever it was must be their prisoner, a man because the bastards didn't make no distinction between male and female.

The person was still hidden behind the bush, my brother hadn't reached it yet.

'Merle...hold back.' He glanced at me curiously. 'Let me. Ya'll scared 'em.'

He stood still, let me overtake him. I crouched down on my knees.

'Sh...It's OK.' There was a pause in the weeping from the other side. 'We're friends.' All the time I was dreading finding someone from the group maybe, who had found us. Anyway, how much had they seen? Had they seen Merle take his revenge for me...us together? I shuddered even though the blazing August sun was glaring down on me, making the back of my neck – red, no doubt. I laughed inwardly at the thought because 'redneck' was what most people thought as soon as they saw me, together with the word 'dumb' when they heard my accent.

Fuck'em. Merle hung back as I had instructed.

'Sh...' I repeated, still no more sound but I could hear the other man's ragged breathing. I had nearly reached the plant. 'Ain't gonna hurt ya...' I soothed. Parted the leaves to come face to face with...

A man I didn't know, about my age but shorter, stockier. Hispanic looking. Did he even speak English? I guess he did because he had seemed to understand me. He'd calmed down at the sound of my voice.

His face was all bruised up (of course) and his hands were tied up behind a tree. Eyes red and full of tears. Clothes ripped and filthy and bloody but I was glad to see that at least he was wearing some. Not like me – they'd kept chained up naked like a dog most of the time.

He looked at me dully, didn't even seem aware that I was there.

'Merle, untie him.' I told my brother softly before I addressed the man. 'What's ya name, brother? Ya speak English right?'

He nodded. Looking right at me then before he glanced forwards at the ruins of their camp and the dead bodies. But we were in the way and he couldn't see anything, luckily.

'Don't look there.' I told him. 'It's over. Ya safe...we killled' em.'

He looked at me and the hitching in his chest was slowing down. Until he saw my brother that was and he shrunk back even as his eyes were filled with hate and outrage. Mixed with terror.

'Get away from me, ya sick fuck.' He hissed at him with a local accent. 'I know who ya are. Saw what ya did.'

Merle's eyebrows rose in surprise and we exchanged glances because hat was he talking about? 'So, ya ain't a Spic after all...can even speak English.' He retorted cruelly, lashing out like he did usually when attacked.

Shit. The man looked broken like I guess I had been when they rescued me but he still had some fight in him and bristled at Merle for this racist slur while I glared back at him. Despite what I knew 99.9% how they'd been using him.

'It's OK, it's only my brother. ' I told him frankly, taking a chance. The man didn't recoil in shock and disgust so I guessed he hadn't seen what we'd done together at least. Couldn't help breathe out the sigh of relief. Probably he meant he knew Merle as one of the Governor's men. I shuddered because had Merle also abused this man? No, I told myself. Maybe he heard the noises and put two and two together and got four. That was more like it.

Despite my suspicions and the things I knew Merle had done under that psycho, I added, 'He ain't like them.'

He sighed with relief then like he finally believed me and allowed my brother to come to him and untie him. We were half expecting him to get to his feet and flee and we would have let him after trying to warn him of the dangers, even though it would probably mean his death. He'd been a prisoner long enough. About time he had his freedom.

However, he could only get shakily to his feet and sway from side to side until we steadied him.

'Ya comin' with us.' Merle told him. He didn't argue. We got him back to camp, confident he hadn't seen anything we'd done. The bush was in the way of his view, after all.

Telling ourselves we were sure that he didn't know, not for sure. Maybe he'd heard somethings, though.

ii.

Later on, I pointedly ignored him, tried to turn my back on him when he pulled me to him that night. Because I didn't want him but I did – what I'd seen him do even though I knew he'd done it before. Because seeing their prisoner – he hadn't told us his name yet, had brought back all the bad memories. He was disgusting, a monster but none of it mattered because he was my brother.

The only family I had left.

'Sh...sh... ' He hushed me and I let him because the shakes had come back with a vengeance. The flashbacks of those men – no, animals were assaulting me again when they'd been absent for a long time. Had my brother and what I'd allowed him to do made them come back?

'M...Merle...' I whimpered, hating the weakness that had crept back into my voice.

'Sh...I don't want nothin', promise.' He stroked my hair.

'What we done?' I looked at him, eyes wide and full.

'Nothin'.' He pulled me closer. Kissed me on the forehead like Mama did when I was little but I was too exhausted to be surprised and question him or make him stop. 'Nothin', baby brother. Go to sleep.'

That night, I didn't have any more nightmares. Merle was just my brother again and we would forget all about what had happened. When I woke up, he was still holding me. Snoring in my ear.