TTWH 16

i.

Daryl

A few days later, we'd still done nothing about Caesar who was still (pretending?) not to remember anything. He still hadn't left the makeshift infirmary either. This was very weird because it wasn't like Dixons to dither on taking action.

Maybe the both of us were sick of the killing. Maybe Caesar was bad like Merle said, had joined in the gang-rapes of prisoners down at Woodbury but it seemed like he'd sure got his come-uppance. Because in the end, they'd turned on him and used him as their slut. Apparently, he was broken completely. My brother of course, was worried about what he could say about him, what he'd seen going on in Woodbury. He was still a risk to us because I wanted us to stay here. Anyway, in what ways

We would deal with him when the time came.

That night, he'd tried to his luck with me, kissing me and touching me all over – tentatively at first but soon growing bolder until I slammed him back down and grabbed him by the throat. Almost throttled him.

'No!' I snarled. 'Ain't lettin' ya.'

He groaned in frustration and slid back down to the tent-floor again. He looked so crest-fallen I took pity on him and straddled him before changing my mind and putting my bare knee in between him. Kissed him hard and tweaking his nipples to make him let out a long quiet groan and let himself dry-hump against me but afterwards, I felt sick like we'd done something wrong. Especially when I had to go outside immediately and wash his cum off me with water from our bucket. Wish the fucking guilt would go away sometime because we weren't hurting anyone.

Only ourselves. And I couldn't forget how he was the only willing apart from Glen to go near me after they found me at Woodbury. Like I was a dangerous wild animal in captivity or contaminated by the place or something.

'Fuckin' pervert.' I muttered in disgust. 'Jus' cos ya can't keep ya dick in ya pants.' Behind me, I didn't know then but there was someone who heard and saw this. Someone who liked to skulk around and spy. That was if they understood who I was talking about or what I was doing.

Blissfully in ignorance, I thought was this always the way it was going to be now? Until one of us found a girlfriend? Until he found a woman willing to l his considerable needs in the sack?

I rushed in to find Merle with Beth apparently out cold with no other signs of injury as her head lolled and my brother leering, quickly unbuttoning her blouse. Just as he was aware of me, I saw him dip one hand to cup one of her breasts while he nuzzled her neck. I could see that he was drooling. I was too shocked at first, even after everything I had seen and froze in my tracks. As soon as he was aware of me, he tore his hands away from her like they were burning and blushed scarlet. Merle blushing? Impossible! Was my next crazy thought.

'Get away from her!' I hissed, not wanting to draw anyone's attention. What the fuck are ya doin' to her, ya piece of shit? Why's she out? Did ya hit her?' I tried to keep my voice quiet as possible but the rage was pulsing through my veins and I just wanted to drag him out of there and give him the thrashing of his life. One worse than Dad ever gave us.

'He looked back at me and grinned evilly. 'Well, you won't let me fuck ya, none of the other broads around here will either so what's a guy to do, huh? He stuck his tongue out obscenely at me and licked all round his mouth while he stroked his crotch between his splayed legs suggestively at me. I turned away in disgust, not wondering for the first time what I'd let out of the bottle the time I let fuck me.'

'Was only gonna touch and jerk off, not do any real hurtin' anyway..' I turned back to when he said this and narrowed my eyes with suspicion.

I didn't quite believe him. Asshole had a big enough sex-drive for the both of us. Always had but before all this, I knew he would never have sunk to this. Rape. Or hurt a girl for all his tough words. Guess there was a lot of things we thought we wouldn't do before the whole fucking world ended.

'Merle!' I glanced quickly around to see if anyone heard and saw that the patient was apparently unharmed. Looked like he was sleeping or pretending, totally unaffected about what was going on around him.

I'd come here to save him from what I thought my brother had planned but apparently Merle's lust had got side-tracked.

'Ya a fuckin' scumbag!' I hissed. 'Ya must have done somethin' to put her out cold'

'Found her like that.' To his credit, Merle looked shame-faced as he let her go. Quickly buttoned up her clothes and stroked her hair before he let her go. I swear I heard him whisper 'I'm sorry.' into her hair before he put her gently back down on the chair while I glared daggers at him.

'Get the fuck away from her! And him!' I motioned to the patient who had managed to sleep through all this ruckus. Probably because Herschel had drugged him high and dry.

Merle grinned sheepishly but didn't take any notice of me. Stayed right where he was by Beth's chair next to the bed.

'Jus' as I thought.' He murmured and brought something out hidden from under it 'Seems like she's Daddy's little girl alright. Weak. Can't take the pressure.' He brought the bottle of cheap whisky and took a swig. He turned to her and addressed her quietly snoring form. 'Ya should be more careful in future darlin', 'cos there are plenty of perverts out there, 'specially now, who'll take advantage of a hot little chick like you.'

I stared at him in disbelief at his hypocrisy. Had he really lost it? No, he was mocking me and her. Typical Merle. Yet part of me sensed that he was sickened at himself at how depraved he'd become.

'Want some?' He added, offering me the hall-full bottle.

'No! What I want is to beat ya fuckin' brains out.' But still I made no move. I was worried about waking someone up and them coming here and finding this touching little scene. Yet, there was nothing to see – only that Beth had drunk herself unconscious.

'What? Liar!' I hissed and crossed the short distance between us and pushed him away from her.

I put out two fingers to check the pulse in her throat and check her breathing before I left to grab him by his shirt and drag him outside. But he was standing there as if mesmerised.

'Get outta here before someone finds us.'

'What about him? We could get rid of one problem. Maybe he's only pretending to sleep and he saw everything.' My brother went over to him threateningly while I hissed over Beth's head to stop him.

I was thinking it over...how much the bastard was hanging over us.

I hesitated, wondering if we could do it in cold blood. Merle said he was one of those who had done those despicable things...but then wasn't he the same? Should I put my own brother down like a dog, especially after what I'd seen him doing to Beth? All it showed that he hadn't changed. I was going to have to deal with him when we were alone again.

Just then, maybe she saved the situation by fluttering her eyes and moaning. She didn't look like she was awake yet but still, we should leave. And what should we do with the bottle?

I knew what Merle was going to do with it – he was taking it with him. Maybe she wouldn't remember or maybe she would panic because she thought someone found it.

'Too late.' I mouthed at him hoping that if she remembered, she would just think we were part of a dream.'Let's go.' I motioned towards the door and heard him pad silently after me. I was going to intending to thrash this out between us.

….

As soon as we were alone outside and away from the others' tents, I drew back my fist and gave him a right-hook without warning him. He staggered back, his mouth bleeding. I didn't give him a chance to recover and attacked him while he was still reeling.

'Fuckin' filthy pervert! Beth maybe havin' problems but she's a sweet kid and didn't deserve to have ya filthy paws all over her!'

'Well, if ya so worried, maybe ya'd like to keep me satisfied and in line so I don't have to do shit like that. Ya know how, son.' He leered at me!

'Brother-fuckin' fucker!' I screamed back in rage and I must have got in about 5 or 6 punches before he started fighting back. Unusual for him but maybe he wanted to be punished, felt guilty. I hoped so.

'Do ya know what ya nearly did!' I was on top of him now on the grass, shaking him.

'So what?' He roared back. 'She wouldn't remember!' But his eyes slid away, making me think that he didn't really buy this.

'Merle!' I cried out and suddenly sunk against him, burying my face into his chest. 'How could ya...do what those animals did to me? What Dad...Dad did...?'

'I...I don't know.' He hissed in pain from the ribs I'd bruised no doubt when he shifted me against him so I was lying in a more comfortable position for him before he arms went around me.

'I don't know.' He repeated winding one hand in my hair and tugging it gently.

'Ya a fuckin' asshole!' I reached up and thumped hard against his chest. 'Don't know why I don't tell them all the things ya did..think they'll want ya after what ya did to Beth?'

'Sh...' He folded me back down against him with his arms. For once I couldn't feel his hard-on poking into me. Surprising when I was this close to him and knowing that he'd always wanted me.

'Ya pull that kind of stunt again – hurt anyone in our group and we're fuckin' over. I'll jus' go with them and leave ya behind.' But did he believe me because my voice was wavering. He knew that I would love him no matter what he did. Well, almost anything he did.

'I know.' He kissed the top of my hair. 'Jus' don't know who I am any more. Or what the fuck I am. I fucked my own baby brother, what does that say about me?'

'Merle, what did they do to ya? To make ya like them?'

He shuddered under me and I sensed him take a double take that I couldn't see because I'd buried my head into his shirt. He held me a while and moved his fingers slowly up and down through my hair before he started to get antsy, then he grunted and pushed me off him.

'Well, I'm gonna change. I would never have done that shit – used to think guys who did that kind of shit were the scum of the earth.' He resolutely stood up and dusted himself off.

'I can change. Get back to how I used to be.' He turned away to lead the way back to our tent.

'I can.' But it seemed like he was trying to convince himself more than me. Leaving me to wonder if they'd done worse to him. The thugs in Woodbury – his so-called 'buddies' and Dad before that.

How could I think that?

They'd made him lose himself. This Caesar was one of them.

With that, without telling him, I sneaked back to the Infirmary. I heard him turn around and call to me when he realised that I wasn't coming to bed and I waved him off.

He kept on walking without looking back.