TTWH 23

I'm not sure where it's going. It started off well, but... Anyway. I'm trying to do something a little different and it's sick, so all warnings apply. Of course it is, Daddy Dixon's alive and come back for his boys!

Daryl

I paced back and forth outside our tent, looking for our father. I cursed him for finding us, for still being alive, for surviving the apocalypse. We assumed he was dead and he was hurting my brother just by being back here and he was a threat to Carl. But only we could see it! I mean, I knew Rick was exactly thrilled to have him here and tried to keep his boy away from him but still. If he knew...

But I didn't want to tell him anything. It was our shame – me and Merle's. Bad enough he knew about the scars on my back and had seen us nearly fuck each other. Hadn't seemed so surprised, more triumphant than anything that now he had a hold over us and we'd proved him right. And why were we feeding and watering him, giving his old bones shelter by the fire?

I knew he had liver cancer – could tell by just looking at him. His addiction had finally killed him. But I didn't know how far it had spread and without medical equipment, had not way of knowing.

He couldn't die quick enough for me. If he told Rick about us, then so be it. Put it down to some weird psychological side -effect from what happened to me when I was the Governor's prisoner.

But I knew that it ran deeper than that – my big brother had always wanted me but I had never given into him until I'd run into those bad men at Woodbury.

When they'd found me, I'd been scarcely human – more like a caged animal. I'd needed the comfort. Badly. Feel hands on me that cared, stroking my hair and my skin gently. He held me day and night whenever he had a free minute for weeks afterwards but I only remembered all that dimly. He took literally eye-for-an eye revenge for me when I couldn't. But seeing what he did to those men who attacked me scared me more than I liked to admit. I also scared myself for allowing him to avenge himself on Jones like that...It had sickened me yet thrilled me at the same time. Leading to what happened afterwards. Was I really my Daddy's son and brother's brother, after all?

Yet I owed him.

What the hell were we going to do about Dad? He could ruin everything for us. The new life we'd built for ourselves where we had a purpose and respect from others for the first time in our lives.

…

I decided to take the bull by the horns and go and speak to Rick. He looked pleased to see me.

'How's things goin'? How's ya Dad?'

'That's what I came to talk to ya about. Ya got to get rid of him, I'm tellin' ya.'

'Oh?' Shock flooded his face at my harsh words.. 'He's an old man. Do ya really expect us to jus' throw him out in the cold to be eaten and turned into one of them?' I thought ya were a decent man, had more compassion than that.'

'Listen.' I moved nearer to him to eye-ball him. 'He ain't no harmless old man. Ya seen the scars on my back, right? He did them and on Merle too. I'm tellin' ya - don't let him near Carl.'

'What are ya sayin'? Ya think he'll...No way. He wouldn't hurt my boy.'

'Ya sure? 'Cos I notice everytime he gets near Carl, ya call him away.'

He had nothing to say to that. So he tried a different tack.

'He's still ya Dad. He gave ya life, gotta owe him one for that. Now he's old and his health ain't so good, ya jus' gonna abandon him? Where does it end if we start doin' that? I didn't know if everyone knew he had cancer but the fact that he was seriously sick was clear to anyone who looked at his yellowing skin and shambling old man walk. Saw the twinges of pain that crossed his features , getting more frequent now.

'Yeah, all that's true. He is old and sick and also a drain on our resources which we can't afford. What does he do other than eat, sleep and shit? He can't contribute nothin'!'

'Jesus, Daryl. Maybe I can understand why ya hate him but I thought ya were bigger than that. Maybe he survived and came here for a reason – for ya and Merle to finally make up and exorcise ya demons with him in the short time he's got left. You'll both feel better afterwards, believe me. Ya ever think of it like that?'

'Look.' I grabbed his arm. But I couldn't tell him what he did to Merle. Merle would never forgive me if I betrayed his secret shame, after all, his was so much bigger than mine. What did I have but just a few scars? 'He...he...'

'What?' Rick tilted his head.

I sighed and took my hand off him. 'All I'm sayin' there ain't nothin' so dangerous as an old sick wolf with a bad paw. If ya let him stay, it's gonna end badly, for all of us. At least keep Carl away from him.'

'Will do, if ya that worried.' Then he dismissed me.

…

'Hey kid.' I ruffled his hair and he looked up at me. 'I wanna talk to ya about somethin', OK?'

Carl looked up at me from where he was washing the dishes at the pump. 'What?'

'I want ya to stay away from my Dad. He's...dangerous.' I tapped the side of my head, indicating that my old man was crazy. Not far off from the truth.

'But he seems real nice for such an old guy. Tells real interesting stories too.'

'Carl...' I crouched down in front of him and whispered. 'Ya know he used to beat the crap out of me and my brother when we were ya age?'

'Yeah...everyone knows ya got scars.'

I couldn't help wincing at that. So everybody knew. Nobody had dared ask me about them though.

'He used his belt on me and believe me, he ain't changed one bit.' I flushed red with embarrassment. If he wasn't in real danger, I would never have confided so much in him. But it turned out he knew anyway and still fell for the old bastard's charm. I just couldn't believe that Rick would put him in danger.

'I'm sorry.' The boy said sincerely. 'But maybe he feels bad about it now.'

'He doesn't, believe me. All he does is hurt people. Stay away from him if ya know what's good for ya.'

If only he had taken my advice, he could have saved himself a whole lot of hurt.

…

After trying to warn Carl, I turned back to my tent. 'Merle? Ya in there?'

No answer. I was thinking how I needed some relaxation and to let off steam with my brother after I failed to get through to Rick and his son. Why did everyone fall for Dad's tricks? Sure, I had to admit that he could be charismatic when he wanted to be.

I unzipped the flap and crawled in. Nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw my father in Merle's sleeping bag.

'What the fuck ya doin' in here on my brother's bed? Where's Merle?'

'He's gone huntin' without ya. Saw him go.'

'Get out!' I snarled.

'Not until we have ourselves a talk. Clear the air, how does that sound?'

'I don't got nothin' to say to ya! I told ya to get out, NOW!'

He leaned back against the pillow and grinned. I saw the half empty bottle of moonshine that threatened to fall over and spill by his side. So, I thought, the bastard is trying to hurry along things. Good!

'Do up the zip, son. Ain't goin' until I've spoken to ya. What happened to ya at that place?' He whispered and reached down to take another swig. 'Want some?'

I shook my head.

'What bad things did they do to ya there?'

I drew in a sharp breath and felt myself begin to tremble as the memories began to crowd round me. 'Damn ya for bringin' it up. Ain't gonna tell ya jus' so ya can jerk off to it.'

He chuckled filthily at that.

'They hurt ya, huh, son? Was Merle there with 'em? Did he join in?' He licked his lips and I could tell this image excited him. 'That why ya two are...?' He made a crude fucking gesture with his hands.

I drew back and hissed. 'Fuck no!' But my heart was galloping, thudding in my chest.

'Yeah, they did. Come on, tell Daddy.' His tone was sorrowful but his eyes were dancing with evil glee. He was enjoying my humiliation and was mocking me for what happened to me.

'Fuck you.' Here he was, creeping me out, talking to me like that in that way he hadn't since I was about five years old. I turned around to get out without another word, find my brother so we could drag his sorry ass out of our tent and then disinfect our sleeping-bags. We'd never feel clean again otherwise. But then he grabbed my leg!

I instinctively kicked out but he dragged me to him. I fought him, wondering how the hell he could still be so strong when he was old and dying and I was young and in my prime? It was like we were going back in time again.

'Fuck!' I screamed. 'Get off me!' But no matter what I did, I couldn't seem to escape him.

'Sh...baby. It's OK.'

'Merle!' I screamed for my brother.