CHAPTER THREE
Phil is angry when I get home. "Colby is a jerk," he says. "You shouldn't hang around with him."
"Hi honey, how was your day?" I reply.
"Sorry. Hi." He kisses me quickly. I try to find comfort in his arms like I always have, but it's hard with him acting like a dick.
"Colby's a nice guy," I say.
"He's arrogant and thinks he's better than everyone else-"
"Says Mr. 'I'm the Best in the World'!"
"Touche. But seriously, April. You didn't know him in the Indies. He thinks all female wrestling fans are ring rats."
"He apologized for that comment. You know he didn't mean it the way the media blew it up."
"Don't be naive, April."
"Don't call me naive, Phil! I'm not even close to it." I am furious. How dare he? Just because he has a jealousy problem he thinks I'm an idiot? I know Colby. I trust him not to hurt me. Right now, I can't say the same for Phil.
"April, I didn't mean-"
"Yes, you did. Don't lie about it." I grab my bag.
"Where are you going?"
"Out. I'll be back after work."
"RAW isn't for hours."
"I'm aware." I slam the door behind me and wonder how much longer I can keep doing this.
I don't know where I'm going until I end up outside of Nattie's hotel. I may not be a fan of Total Divas, but I have a ton of respect for Nattie and she's always there when one of the girls needs advice. I skip to the front desk and ask for Nattie's room, then hurry upstairs to see her. I knock on the door, praying Nattie will have answers for me.
I'm thrown for a second when TJ answers the door. I'd forgotten Tyson Kidd is traveling with the main roster. TJ smiles at me. "Hey, AJ," he says.
"Hi TJ... Is Nattie around?"
"She's out training or avoiding me... Not sure which. You wanna come in and have a drink?"
I could really use a drink and TJ looks pretty lonely. I know he and Nattie have been having problems lately. (Occasionally, Total Divas is more than just scripted bullshit.) TJ has clearly already had a couple of drinks. I don't drink much, but Phil is the straightedge one, not me, so why not?
"Sure," I say. One drink can't hurt. I sit down on the couch beside him and he gives me a beer. I sip it while he finishes the one he was drinking when I got there.
"So, what brings you here?" TJ asks.
"I was hoping to talk to Nattie. I need advice."
"I'm a good listener. Talk to me." He looks so genuine, I decide to give it a try.
"Phil and I are having some issues. I'm just not sure how to handle them."
"That sucks. Marriage can be hard." He's eyeing me in a way that suddenly makes me uncomfortable. I'm about to stand up and leave when he leans over and kisses me.
I pull away and stand up. "What the fuck, TJ?" I demand.
"What? You were upset. I just wanted to make you feel better."
"I'm married! You're married to Nattie! You can't just kiss me."
"I'm not just Nattie's husband!" He's yelling now. I'm in trouble and I know it.
"I didn't say that-"
"I'm a man, Goddamnit! And a damned good wrestler!"
"Of course... TJ, I should go-"
"I can pin anyone! Even you!"
He throws me down on the couch, but he's not the only wrestler in the room. I fight back hard. I try everything I can think of, but he won't stop coming at me. I scream. "Stop it! TJ, get the hell off me! Let me go! Please!" And then I'm crying.
His body is pressed hard against mine. I can't breathe. I smell his scent mixed with alcohol. He pulls my jeans down and I start screaming again. I have to fight. I have to get away. This is not happening to me.
But it is. I can feel him inside of me now and I can't do anything to stop him. I've lost all control of my body to my friend's husband and I know immediately that I can't tell a single soul. I work with his wife. He's a Hart by marriage. No one will believe me.
it hurts more than I can process. He's being so rough. He wants to hurt me. He enjoys it, and he's taunting me while he does it, telling me how good it feels. He strokes my face like a lover, playing with my tears.
He isn't finished, but he suddenly stops. I realize he passed out drunk on top of me. Somehow, I push him off of me and stand. I'm shaking as I pull my pants back on and run the hell out of there.
I'm three blocks away before I stop running. I pull out my phone and I want to call Phil, but I'm horrified to let him see me like this. Instead, I dial the first number I can think of.
"Hello?" He answers on the first ring.
I'm so relieved to have contacted someone, I shatter. I begin sobbing hysterically. I can't get any words out.
"April?" He asks. "April, what's wrong? Where are you?"
"Colby..." I finally manage to whisper between sobs. "Can you come get me? I'm scared..."
"Where are you?" I give him a street name. "I'm on my way. Stay on the phone with me, okay? You're going to be okay, April."
He does all the talking. I have no words. When he pulls up in his rental car, he gets out and gets a good look at me. I know my hair's a mess, my makeup is running, and there's some blood on my jeans. He was that rough with me. I know what Colby sees. I'm hoping he'll ignore it. "Oh my God... Honey, who did this to you?" He asks.
I shake my head. He pulls me into his arms. I stiffen only briefly before I register it's Colby. "I won't hurt you," he promises, stroking my hair. "You're safe, April. I promise." He helps me into the car before returning to his seat. "We'll go to the hospital-"
"No!" I shout, panicked. "No doctors. Just take me somewhere that I can clean up before RAW."
"April, you were attacked. You need a doctor."
"I'm fine."
"Honey... You were raped."
"I never said that!"
"You didn't have to. Honey, please, let me help you."
"No. The doctors can't know. Phil can't find out."
Colby sighs. "Then let me take you to someone who can keep a secret."
"Who?"
"Dean." We always call Dean Ambrose by his ring name. There are just too many Jons, Johns, Jonnys, Johnnys, and Jonathans in WWE to keep them straight.
"Why Dean?"
"Do you trust me?"
"Yeah..."
"I trust him. He'll know what to do."
I lean my head on his shoulder as he drives. He is so warm, a contrast to how cold and dead I feel. I'm still shaking. I can feel TJ all over me. I can't shake him off, no matter how hard I try. I sniff Colby's hair, struggling to focus on that instead of the way TJ smelled, the mix of sweat and alcohol and whatever cologne he uses way too much of…
"April…" Colby whispers. I can hear the sympathy in his voice. I don't want his pity, but I don't want him to go away, either. He's my only lifeline right now, the one thing keeping me at least slightly sane. He doesn't say anything else.
We arrived at a hotel shortly after. Dean Ambrose answers the door looking annoyed. His hair is messy like always and he's pulling his shirt down as we stand there. "What the hell?" He asks upon seeing us.
"She was attacked," Colby explains.
"Dude, I can see that, I got two eyes. What happened?" Dean leads us inside.
"She won't tell me," Colby says softly.
I'm trembling. Dean leans in closely to me. "AJ?" He asks. I jerk away as he gets too close. He pulls back. To my surprise, he gets down on his knees, looking as non-threatening as possible, and reaches gently toward me. "April, it's okay," he says. "I won't hurt you, and I won't let anyone else hurt you, either."
I'm crying again. Damnit, I hate it when I cry. I let Dean take my hands in his. He's still kneeling. "You're safe," he promises me.
I want to believe it. He slowly stands, still holding my hands, and pulls me against him. I start sobbing against him. "I… I need to shower," I say.
"You shouldn't, April," Colby says. "If you report this-"
"No! No reporting it. No telling anyone anything. I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I just need to take a damn shower, okay?" I don't mean to snap at Colby, but I can't stop myself.
"Okay," Dean says before Colby can argue with me. I see him shoot Colby a warning look and shake his head. His eyes say "let it go" and I'm grateful when Colby caves and doesn't try to argue. "The shower's this way." Dean helps walk me toward the bathroom. He's about to leave me alone.
"Wait!" I say.
"Yeah?" Dean asks.
"Stay. Outside, I mean. Just… Talk to me, okay? Can both of you just talk while I get cleaned up? Please?" The idea of being alone is terrifying, but I don't want them in the bathroom with me either. I can't handle either.
"Sure," Dean says.
"Of course," Colby adds.
And they do it. They sit outside the bathroom and talk to me about stupid and irrelevant things while I wash every inch of my body and try to get rid of the taint. I don't cry. Tears won't help me now. I just clean up until my skin hurts and then dry off while the guys talk about their plans for their match tonight and ask me questions like who my favorite super hero is. In this moment, I love these two men more than I can express. I finally feel like I might be okay again once I'm dressed in clothes Dean mysteriously has in his room. They're a little big for me and I suspect they were left behind by his last one night stand, but at least they're clean and not covered in blood or the taint I've just washed away.
"You gonna be okay?" Dean asks me.
"Yeah," I say. "RAW is tonight and I'm totally ready."
"Are you sure? I mean, they'd understand if you took the night off if you just explained that-" Colby begins.
"Dude, seriously, shut up," Dean tells him. "She doesn't want to tell anyone, and that's her choice. Let her make it for herself." To me, he says, "Come on. Let's get to the arena."
As we leave, I tell myself everything is alright. It's just another night on RAW. Nothing is wrong. It's a lie, but I really, really want to believe it. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the show.