CHAPTER FIVE
I wake up screaming. Phil jumps out of bed in a panic ready to hit anything that moves. He stops when he sees no threat. "Babe?" He asks. "What happened?"
"Bad dream," I say. More like bad flashback, but I'm not ready to tell him that.
He climbs back into bed and hugs me. "It's okay, April. Dreams can't hurt you." If only he knew.
"I wish you could be there with me tonight," I say.
"Yeah, imagine what it would do for Network subscriptions if I returned exclusively on Main Event for just $9.99!"
I laugh. "You could always show up at Smackdown and beat up Paul Heyman for the day he entered in Chicago to Cult of Personality."
"I do owe him for that one... But babe, you know I can't."
"I know. I just miss seeing you backstage."
"Go to another company and we can talk about that."
"AJ Lee, a TNA Knockout? Or on the indies? Sometimes, that's a tempting thought." They'd probably still chant "CM Punk" till they were blue in the face, I think silently. That's the simple truth. Even now, there are CM Punk chants breaking out at Indie shows. If I were there, they'd get worse. He abandoned them and it only made them love him more. That's the effect Phil has on people.
"I'm going to call Paul and sort this mess out. You shouldn't be afraid to go to work."
"Thanks," I say. Part of me wants to tell him I can handle this on my own, but the rest is relieved. He finally sees what his choices are doing to me. He is finally stepping up to handle this. It's about damn time.
In the meantime, I shower and get dressed. I try to proceed like this is any other day. I had my breakdown yesterday. It's time to pick up the pieces and move on.
There is a text waiting for me when I pick up my phone.
Just checking in. Are you okay?
It's Colby. I text back quickly, Yes, then add, Thanks for last night.
Anytime you need me, I'm here, he sends back. I feel better because I know it's true. Colby is here for me, and after last night, I know Dean is, too.
Phil comes back into the bedroom. "Paul apologized for not telling you about the script change. He promised it wasn't meant to scare you," he says.
"He's lying." I say.
"I know. I made it clear if he messes with you again, I'll come back just to kick his old, out of shape ass. He knows I can."
"He knows you're sick and weak."
"I was sick and weak. I'm in much better shape since leaving the company. Besides, anger does amazing things. He's messing with my wife. I can and will Hulk Out on him."
I smile at his geeky comic book reference. That's the sort of thing that bonded us to begin with. "Hulk Smash?" I ask.
"Better than Rusev Crush," he says in a really bad Russian accent.
"Your Lana impression needs some work," I tease.
"Would you prefer I squawk and repeatedly suplex him? He could be the Cena to my Lesnar. Heyman would never notice the difference. All he did while managing Cesaro was talk about Lesnar anyway. He can't keep clients straight." He sees I'm giggling, so he does a dead-on impression of Heyman as he proclaims, "My client, CM Lesaro, is the King of the Go To Sleep in 21!"
It's moments like this that I love Phil the most. He always makes me laugh. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his cheek. He pulls me closer and strokes my face lovingly.
TJ... TJ stroked my face just like that...
I pull away suddenly. I can't breathe.
"April? What's wrong?" Phil reaches for me, but I don't want to be touched.
"No!" I shout at him. "Get away..." I'm whimpering.
"April, what is it? It's me. It's Phil." He looks both wounded and terrified.
I try to focus. It is Phil. TJ isn't there. I'm perfectly safe.
"Sorry," I say. "My face hurts from my match last night." That's a total lie and I'm sure he knows it, but he's too confused to call me on it.
"I think I'm hungry. Let's go get lunch," I say. I slept too late for breakfast.
Phil doesn't question my subject change. "Okay," he says. "Pizza?"
"Duh." I force a smile and skip toward the door. I'm okay... Skip, skip, skip... I'm okay... Skip, skip, skip...If I chant it enough times, I may start to believe it.
*Skip, skip, skip... LATER*
I'm about to leave to head to the arena when I see a car outside. It's Colby. I smile and hop into the car. "I thought you'd like a lift," he says.
"Definitely," I agree. I'm grateful not to be alone.
"So, who are you against tonight?" He asks.
"Alicia for Main Event and Nikki Bella for Smackdown. You?"
"Just talking trash on Main Event, and taking on Ziggler for Smackdown."
"Good luck. Nick's tough in the ring." I'd gotten close to Dolph Ziggler during our storyline romance and I knew Colby knew his real name so I figured I would use it.
"I know. He's also the highest male champion right now, with Lesnar on vacation until whenever he graces us with his presence again."
"Gonna cash in on him so Lesnar can't suplex you to death?" I tease him.
"Dude, he's a steroid-addicted lunatic. Would you blame me if I was too afraid to cash in my briefcase on him? Besides, you know I'm a champion at running away now."
He forces a smile, but I know his current storyline bugs him. Colby loved being part of the Shield and showing off his ninja skills. Now all he does is run away, let other people finish his fights for him, and curb stomp people. It's a waste of his talent and everyone in the company knows it.
"You should run straight to TNA. That would show them," I say with a smile. Without even realizing it, I'm reaching toward his arm and resting my hand on it. I hate seeing Colby sad. Sadness is wrong on someone as light and joyful as him.
Colby relaxes at my touch. He smiles for real this time. "I'm hoping if I hold out long enough, they'll turn me babyface again. They just turned Orton face, and I think Kane's about ready to turn on the Authority, too, so it probably won't come anytime soon, but I'm holding on to hope."
"Maybe in a few years they'll reunite the Shield."
"I want that, but I don't see how they can write their way out of our breakup. Dean Ambrose holds a grudge and Roman Reigns does, too. I 'betrayed' my brothers. We weren't tag partners or a stable or friends. We were brothers. It's not even scripted. I love them both like my own family. I hated having to attack them, although I admit feuding with Dean is really fun. He's great to work off of. Not that Joe isn't, but he still needs work on his promos."
"How's Joe's recovery going?" Joe had had emergency surgery literally the day before a pay-per-view where Roman was supposed to face Seth. They'd flown Dean back a day early as a surprise to keep the fans from rioting, but Colby had had to go out and demand to be declared the winner of their cancelled match by forfeit before Dean's return. Afterward, Colby had gone backstage and cried. I don't think he knows I saw him that day, but it touched me how much he genuinely worried about Joe.
"He's doing well, and from what he tells me, his acting skills are slowly improving. He's in good spirits, but he really wants to get back in action. He hates sitting around on the sidelines."
"Don't we all? I'm glad he's doing better."
"He'll be back before Bryan, that's for sure." Bryan, known to the world as Daniel Bryan or occasionally The Goat, has been out on injury for ages. He still has no slated return date. I miss him. Bryan is probably the sweetest guy on the roster aside from Taylor, who most of us call Bo. It's funny how the biggest heels can be the sweetest men in the world sometimes. Maybe it's just because Taylor is so young, or maybe his daddy IRS just raised him right, but he never has anything unkind to say to me. I adore that kid. We need more guys like him around. I really wish Bryan would come back. I worked closely with him for a while and I trust him with my life. I need that right now.
"April? You kind of spaced out on me," Colby says.
"What? Oh, sorry!" I say, trying to focus.
"Are you okay, honey?" He asks.
I nod. "Just tired. I didn't sleep well."
He's concerned. "Honey, if you need to talk, I'm-"
"I know. But I can't." He nods and slips my hand into one of his.
We arrive at the arena and he walks me to my locker room. When he leaves, I start to get ready. It doesn't take me that long. When I step outside, I'm stunned to see TJ standing there. This isn't real. I'm hallucinating.
"Hey, AJ," he says casually.
I debate screaming, but force myself not to. He can't do anything to me here. There's security everywhere, and wrestlers are rushing around all over the place.
'"I had fun yesterday. We should really do it again sometime."
I'm shaking and ready to cry. How can he talk to me like this? I think I may be sick.
"Do it again?" I ask in a trembling voice. "TJ... You raped me!" I'm screaming inside, but keeping my voice down outside.
"Rape? Come on, AJ, don't be like that. You wanted it. We were drunk, it just happened."
"No, you were drunk. I only had a few sips of beer."
"I don't need to rape anyone, AJ. I can have anyone I want. I can't believe you're accusing me of something so awful!"
I am stunned. Is he delusional? Was he really so drunk he thinks I wanted him to do that to me?
"Don't you dare tell anyone that lie," he warns.
He grabs my arm and I want to scream. I try to pull it away, but he grips it tighter.
"Let go!" I cry out. TJ refuses.
"Hey!" Taylor calls. He and his brother Windham, who we all call Bray because, my God, Windham is a tough name to grow up with, are walking toward us. Taylor shoots TJ a look I've never seen on his adorable baby face. TJ lets my arm go. "You ok, April?"
I'm shaking hard and I can't stop. He touched me... He touched me and I'm trapped.
"April?" Bray calls. I know I'm in bad shape when Bray Wyatt breaks character and just looks worried about me. He pretty much never breaks character. I want to say something, anything, but I can't.
TJ rolls his eyes. "Relax, guys," he says with all his charm. "She tripped. I grabbed her to steady her before she fell." He starts to walk away.
Bray grabs his arm. "Hold on," he says. "You're not going anywhere until we get this straightened out." Bray is strong. Even though TJ is a muscular guy, he can't pull his arm away from Bray's grasp.
"Did he hurt you?" Taylor asks me.
I lean my head on his shoulder. I can't tell him the truth, but I don't want to lie to him. "I feel sick. Can you just sit with me somewhere for a few?" I ask.
He looks unsure, but he guides me away. Bray lets TJ go. I'm still shaking when Taylor and I sit down. I start crying silently as I bury my head in his chest. He whispers comforting things as he holds me, then asks what's wrong. I shake my head.
Finally, I say, "He scared me."
"April... Did something happen?"
"I'm having a rough couple of days. Thanks for being my hero." I kiss his cheek. "Can you call Colby and ask him to meet us?"
He does. In under two minutes, Colby runs toward us. He takes over Hug The April duty and assures Taylor I'll be okay. When we're alone, he asks, "What happened?"
"TJ grabbed my arm and I freaked out," I say.
"Why did he grab you?"
"I told him to get lost. He got offended." I hope he believes me.
"He had no right to grab you."
"I'm okay," I lie. "Please just let it go, Colby. I just want you here with me." He gives in and holds me until I'm calmer. He doesn't leave my side until my match, which I win. Everything is a blur. Afterward, he stays with me until his promo, and Dean stays with me during that. They switch off like that for the Smackdown tapings, too. I lose to Nikki Bella but nothing eventful happens. I'm completely safe, but I feel terrified. At the end of the night, Colby and Dean both insist on taking me home. I'm too exhausted to protest. Colby literally walks me to the door.
Phil is asleep when I get inside. He's passed out on the couch with The Avengers playing on the television. I go take a shower so I can go to bed.
We should really do it again sometime, TJ's voice taunts me in my head. You wanted it... We were drunk...
He was drunk. He was drunk, and I knew it, and I'd still gone inside. I'd been alone with him. What had I been thinking? Maybe TJ really was too drunk to realize what he was doing. How the hell could I have been so stupid? I am smarter than that. Did I let him do that to me by walking into such a bad situation? Is this my fault?
I hear the bathroom door creek open. Panic hits me like a truck. A rational part of me knows it can't be TJ, but that part isn't loud enough right now. I pick up my shampoo and conditioner bottles, my only available weapons, and when the curtain slides open, I fling them both hard at the person standing there.
"Ow!" Phil screams. "Jesus, April, what the hell did you do that for?" He's rubbing his head.
I pull the curtain around my naked body. "You scared me!" I shout at him.
"I just thought you might like some company... Random sexy gesture and all that... Ouch... Good aim, by the way."
"I'm sorry," I say. "Are you okay?"
"I'll live. I'm sorry I scared you."
"It's okay... Pass me a towel?"
He does. "At least I know I don't have to worry about anyone trying to attack you. You're armed and dangerous."
His words are a slap in the face and he doesn't even know it. I almost start to cry. I almost break. I almost tell him everything. Instead, I cover my pain with a laugh. "Just call me Black Widow," I say.
"You're sexier."
"You better say that."
Phil tries to pull me into his arms. I'm naked except for the towel. I stiffen. "I need to sleep," I say. "Nikki really kicked my ass tonight." I don't remember if that's true, but since Smackdown doesn't air until Friday, Phil won't know if it's not.
"Okay, Babe. I'll meet you inside in a few." He leaves me alone. I lock the door behind him and finish drying off so I can change into my pajamas. I crawl into bed and pretend to be asleep when Phil joins me.