Dear Mum,
Today is sixteen years since you died. Today is my 16th Birthday. Ma is standing over me as I write this, she says that this is a positive way to get our thoughts out. I've written you so many letters since I could hold a pen. Ma, Lawrence and William do the same in the hope that you know how we're feeling and watching over us up there.
I so wish I could have met you. I wish you could have watched me grow up and shared all the experiences Ma has had with me. I know what a beautiful woman you are, and how much you wanted and loved me. The house is littered with your belonging and photos. Everywhere I look there are reminders of the woman I never got to know personally.
Ma has ensured that I follow in your footsteps and learn the piano, as well as the many languages you adored. William is my go to for the English language and is always sending me a list of must read books. He's a grown man now with children of his own; Kate (named after you) and Tommy. You would have loved to see him transform from the shy teenager you knew into the funny dad he is. Lawrence, as promised, takes me to rugby matches and on bike rides when he has time. He too is a father now, and a great one at that.
I know you would be pleased at the life mum has given me, letting me venture in which ever direction I choose. Dad has a regular presence in my life, he's as mad as ever and still illustrating his beloved comic strips. Him and mum have grown to love each other in a way you would never have expected. Uncle John often comes around and creates havoc in the kitchen whilst listening to the Archers.
I think Ma finds this day of the year particularly difficult. She goes all out to celebrate my birthday for the child you so desperately wanted, but is then also aware that it too was the day she lost the love of her life. How impossibly difficult is that?
Thank you for wanting me mum, for giving me the opportunity of life. I only wish you were here to share it with Ma and me.
All my love,
your Flora-Grace